Anxiety Toolbox
The Complete Fear-Free Plan
Gloria Thomas

Do you put your life on hold to avoid the situations that scare you?

Copyright

Thorsons

An Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 77–85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published by Thorsons 2004

Copyright © Gloria Thomas 2004

Gloria Thomas asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

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Source ISBN: 9780007170227

Ebook Edition © March 2010 ISBN: 9780007372270

Version: 2014-10-20

Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright

Foreword

Introduction

How to Use This Book

1 What is Anxiety?

2 Specific Anxieties

3 The Anatomy of Anxiety

4 Your Mental and Emotional Anatomy

5 Power Tool 1 – Thought Field Therapy

6 Beliefs and Behaviours

7 Power Tool 2 – Self–Hypsis

8 More Tools for Change

9 Putting it all Together – Your Anxiety Toolbox

10 A Final Word – Lifestyle, Drugs and a Few of My Favourite Remedies

Appendix: A Letter from Kosovo

Bibliography

Further Reading

Resources

Index

How to Contact the Author

Acknowledgements

About the Publisher

Foreword

Anxiety is a very common problem. Anxiety, fears and worry can severely disrupt your life and cause much needless suffering. Research with Heart Rate Variability (HRV) at Harvard – HRV is a placebo-free, objective measure of your state of health – also shows that phobias, worry and anxiety can shorten life expectancy.

Like many people, you may have tried conventional approaches to overcome your fears and phobias and received little or no help. You may feel that you simply do not know what to do to help yourself. This book provides some important answers.

The common motivation to get help and overcome anxiety or phobias is that a cure can radically change your life for the better. Freedom from anxiety makes life much easier, as you can devote your energy to enjoying your family and friends and dealing with everyday challenges, instead of being overcome by crippling fear.

With her book, Gloria Thomas has provided a concise but meaningful guide to various unconventional approaches. She takes a rare, serious, competent and balanced look at some of the lesser-known options that are available and offers an invaluable introduction to them.

Reading Anxiety Toolbox is a powerful and appropriate beginning to a new life free from anxiety and fear.

ROGER J. CALLAHAN, PHD

FOUNDER, THOUGHT FIELD THERAPY

LAQUINTA, CALIFORNIA, USA

Introduction

When I was in my twenties and thirties I suffered long periods of anxiety and depression due to a combination of post-natal depression and other life events. Like most people, I sought the advice of my doctor, who prescribed anti-depressants and suggested psychotherapy and counselling. However, much as this was helpful, I wanted to find alternative methods of combating the depressive and anxious states that I was experiencing.

My search for those alternatives uncovered some surprisingly simple countermeasures and some truly astonishing ones. I discovered how beneficial physical fitness is for fighting depression and anxiety, and the surprising extent to which food can affect your mood. I also discovered the benefits of healing and acupuncture, as well as forward-thinking psychologies such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnotherapy. More recently, I have discovered Thought Field Therapy, an amazingly effective therapy for anxiety.

All of these strategies or complementary therapies – call them what you will – have become part of my life and, as a result, I find myself at 40 feeling youthful, much stronger within myself and with a much more balanced view of life – it’s a bit like a giant jigsaw puzzle finally falling into place. Such has been the transformation that I am now incredibly thankful for that period of suffering, for had I not gone through it I would not be equipped to do what I do today. I now have an incredibly strong sense of purpose and, one day, would like to look back on my life knowing that I have contributed to humanity. Given my experience, I feel that the best contribution I can make is by helping people let go of their self-limiting fears so that they can be the best that they can be. That is why I have written this book. It may sound a little cheesy but it’s my way of expressing my love for humanity.

There is, I believe, a need for major transformation in this world – a need to get back to more balanced ways of thinking and being. Everybody’s anxiety is, of course, unique to them and there is no magic solution for eliminating it completely. However, I believe that we have the most amazing ability to manage our anxiety levels and achieve more resourceful states of mind.

By reading this book, you have hopefully made the decision to begin to let go of fear and anxiety and work towards greater balance in your life. The tools it features are treatments and therapies that are suitable for commonly experienced anxieties, as well as those of a more serious nature. However, I would like to emphasize for those suffering from chronic anxiety or depression that these tools do not take the place of medical advice. They are tools that have worked for me and now I offer them to you. I hope they will help you achieve greater happiness and equilibrium.

How to Use This Book

Whether you suffer anxiety in a very mild form or you have a specific disorder, this book will be an enormous help to you. The intention is to bring your levels of anxiety back under control. You have the potential to achieve states that are more useful and beneficial to your health and wellbeing, and this book can help you achieve this.

I suggest that you begin by reading the book right through to get a feeling of what it is all about and how it can help you. On first reading, do not do any of the assessments or exercises – simply think about what applies to you. Having learned a bit more about anxiety, you can then focus on your own area of anxiety and use the exercises that are appropriate for you. You will need a notebook to do some of the exercises and to record and explore your experiences. There are appropriate exercises and therapies throughout the various chapters of the book, so work through it at your own pace. In chapter 9 you will also find an invaluable summary of exercises and therapies for each anxiety discussed.

1 What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a state of mind that we all experience from time to time. I’m sure every one of you can remember having feelings of nervousness and tension in your body at some point in your life – think back, for instance, to your first day at school, your first date or your last vital job interview.

Anxiety is a symptom, a response to a potentially challenging or threatening experience. When the threat is not acute, and we have time to contemplate it, worry and nervousness create anxiety. Anxiety is closely linked to fear, a primary emotion that helps us deal with danger. In an acute emergency we experience fear, and that fear triggers an automatic response in the body that prepares us to stand and fight or head for the hills. However, this natural instinct – which undoubtedly was of great use to our ancient ancestors – is not always useful in today’s society, when threats are more often psychological than physical. This means that our bodies prepare us for a physical emergency that rarely occurs.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself

FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT

Anxiety Can Be Positive

It is important to recognize that some degree of anxiety is unavoidable and indeed can be useful in the short term. It is the body’s way of saying ‘do this right’ or ‘pay attention’. In potentially dangerous situations, a lack of anxiety could have disastrous consequences. Imagine walking across the road in the face of oncoming traffic without feeling any anxiety at all. Anxiety ensures that we pay attention to what is important. It is what spurs us on to be more vigilant so that we are prepared for life.

Anxiety can also be a positive experience. Think of a challenge that you have looked forward to in great anticipation – I’ll bet you felt some degree of anxiety. You may have called these feelings either butterflies in your tummy or nervous excitement but, either way, they are normal and natural expressions of anxiety – and such feelings can help you to excel.

ANXIETY ENSURES THAT WE PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS IMPORTANT

The Anxious Society

Living in today’s world can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster and the sort of positive stress that can stimulate and motivate can often be overridden by negative anxiety. The pressures of living in modern society mean our lives are fraught with negative anxiety. Mental distress has now become very common – to the extent that anxiety has been sighted as the most common psychological condition in the UK and US.

There is no doubt that the pace of life these days can be fast and furious. We live in a society that focuses on human ‘doing’ rather than the human ‘being’. We find ourselves on the go all the time and for many of us it’s very much the norm to experience ongoing feelings of worry and anxiety as we face the challenges of daily living.

We have so much choice and freedom in so many ways yet we seem unable to exercise that choice in a way that is good for us. We may be wealthier in terms of material possessions – such as nice homes, cars and computers – but we have little time to truly enjoy that wealth because we constantly strive for greater goals and never seem to be totally satisfied with what we have. We have indoctrinated ourselves to live at a pace that falls in with societal expectation. This can bring about anxiety in many different forms. We may be juggling a career with bringing up a family and feel that we must be great at our job, have perfect kids, a good marriage, great social life, great clothes, a good figure…With such expectations, it’s hardly surprising we feel anxious! We live by the rules of ‘should do’, ‘have to’, ‘must do’ and seem unable to acknowledge that our anxiety levels are directly affected by how we live our lives.

This sort of pressurized existence, where we are all striving for ongoing individual goals, has also meant that we communicate less with each other. With this comes greater selfishness and intolerance in relationships and increased confusion between the sexes. This adds yet another layer to our anxiety levels.

There are also indirect factors that compound the problem. We are heavily influenced by the media, which constantly portrays the world as a scary place to live – just think of all the headlines about rising crime rates, child abductions, acts of terrorism, war and famine. We are also a society that tends to focus on what does not work, rather than what does work, so it’s easy to become hypnotized on a daily basis by the negativity around us. This isn’t just bad for our mental health – when anxiety levels rise inordinately it can have a toxic effect on both body and mind.

Worry

Worry is at the very heart of anxiety and is one of its biggest contributors. Anxious feelings often come from worrisome, automatic thoughts combined with the physiological responses that such thoughts cause. Obviously, having the odd worrisome thought is perfectly natural. However, ongoing or intense worry that is repetitive in nature can have a detrimental effect both mentally and physically. When feelings of worry escalate and everything in life is seen as a potential catastrophe, this will start to sabotage an individual’s performance in many areas of life.

If you are continuously finding yourself fearful – you are constantly irritable with an ongoing feeling of life being out of control – then you need to begin addressing your anxiety levels. If you don’t, constant worrying will increasingly interfere with your life.

WORRY AND ANXIETY CAN STOP YOU ACHIEVING THE LIFE THAT YOU WANT

Individual Attitudes

Given what I have said about the pressures of modern-day living, you could be forgiven for coming to the conclusion that anxiety is a natural response to the society that we live in. However, your levels of anxiety are very much dependant upon you and how you live your life. The way you perceive and interpret events in your life has a profound effect on your state of mind.

Your anxiety levels are determined to a great extent by the beliefs and assumptions that you have about yourself and the world around you.

Those beliefs influence how you respond and deal with threats and challenges and hence how anxious you become.

Some people seem to ‘wear’ an underlying state of anxiety every day. For others, certain triggers will create anxiety. For others still, anxiety can come about for no reason at all. Your attitude is crucial to how you deal with situations. If you have an optimistic outlook on life, you have empowering beliefs and you deal with situations in a positive way then you are likely to experience less anxiety on the whole. If, in contrast, you have a pessimistic outlook, with limiting beliefs and negative assumptions, then you are more likely to experience anxiety.

Age and Anxiety

Anxiety knows no boundaries and can affect anyone, irrespective of age. Many anxious states are rooted in childhood experiences, particularly some of the more serious ones, but anxiety can manifest at any time or can be related to whatever stage an individual is at in his or her life.

Teenagers, for example, commonly have anxieties about their self-image, exams or early relationships. When we reach our twenties and thirties, anxieties about career aspirations, marriage and parenthood can manifest. Our forties and fifties can also be particularly trying, as this time of transition invariably brings anxieties about getting older and all that this entails. When we reach our sixties and seventies, we worry about the challenges of retirement and our vulnerability in terms of health, security and mortality. In addition, throughout our adult lives, most of us are also subject to financial worries, together with anxieties concerning our children and parents.

Now, whilst all this may have just depressed you, it shouldn’t. Instead it should emphasize how important it is to develop a healthy attitude to the unavoidable stresses of life. As I’ve said before, if you deal with situations in a positive way then you are likely to experience less anxiety.

Specific Anxieties

Individuals experience anxiety in different ways, at different levels and in response to a wide variety of stressors. For example, some people appear to have an anxiety about life in general and view most things, no matter how insignificant, as a potential source of anxiety. For others, the source of anxiety may be more precise – for instance, social situations, their health or a trauma that they have suffered. When we come to very specific sources of fear, the list can be endless – spiders, injections, heights, the dentist…

The point is that our anxiety, and the extent to which it affects our lives, is very individual, therefore it pays to tackle it in a specific way. (In chapter two, we examine the various types of anxieties in detail.)

Anxiety Disorders

An anxiety becomes a disorder when it is consistent, intense and debilitating, to the extent that it disrupts your life. If you have an anxiety disorder, it is likely that you closely associate an experience or an object with danger and fear, and fixate on it. For many, that possibility of danger is exaggerated out of all proportion to the actual threat. As well as having psychological roots, anxiety disorders can also be caused and exacerbated by physical and energy imbalances in the body (we will look at this in more detail in chapter three). The result is anxiety and behavioural responses related to that anxiety.

When anxiety reaches the stage of becoming a disorder, fear can keep the body in a constant state of emergency, causing abnormal physiological functioning and malaise in both mind and body. So how do you know if you may have an anxiety disorder? The following symptoms are common (though by no means offer a definitive diagnosis):

Ongoing sleeping problems or feelings of exhaustion and fatigue

Consistent over-worrying that seems to wear you down

Ongoing difficulty in concentrating, and becoming increasingly forgetful

Feeling continuously tearful or panicky

Ongoing feelings of intense anxiety that won’t go away, no matter how hard you try

You may also experience ‘somatic’ symptoms such as headaches, breathlessness, rapid heartbeat, holding of the breath or even physical complaints such as skin disorders or irritable bowel.

We will look at the effects of anxiety in more detail in chapter 3, but for now suffice it to say that the growing prevalence of anxiety is undoubtedly having a knock-on effect on our health in general – it is estimated, for example, that around 70 per cent of people who turn up at their doctor’s surgery are suffering from stress and anxiety.

Anxiety can manifest in many forms – phobias, panic attacks, general anxiety, health anxieties, body anxieties, obsession and compulsions, and depression. In the next chapter, we will begin to explore the different types of anxiety that people typically suffer from.

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