Contents

Cover

Title Page

Epigraph

Dedication

Verse

Preface and Greeting

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3

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7

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Did you love this book?

Life is a Journey

About the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray

for those who turn to You. Amen

For N.R.S.M.,

in gratitude for the miracle,

and for Mônica Antunes,

who never squandered her blessings

Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not

for me, but weep for yourselves,

and for your children.

Luke 23:28

In December 1945, two brothers looking for a place to rest found an urn full of papyruses in a cave in the region of Hamra Dom, in Upper Egypt. Instead of telling the local authorities – as the law demanded – they decided to sell them singly in the market for antiquities, thus avoiding attracting the government’s attention. The boys’ mother, fearing ‘negative energies’, burned several of the newly discovered papyruses.

The following year, for reasons history does not record, the brothers quarrelled. Attributing this quarrel to those supposed ‘negative energies’, the mother handed over the manuscripts to a priest, who sold them to the Coptic Museum in Cairo. There, the papyruses were given the name they still bear to this day: Manuscripts from Nag Hammadi (a reference to the town nearest to the caves where they were found). One of the museum’s experts, the religious historian Jean Doresse, realised the importance of the discovery and mentioned it for the first time in a publication dated 1948.

Other papyruses began to appear on the black market. The Egyptian government tried to prevent the manuscripts from leaving the country. After the 1952 revolution, most of the material was handed over to the Coptic Museum in Cairo and declared part of the national heritage. Only one text eluded them, and this had turned up in an antiquarian shop in Belgium. After vain attempts to sell it in New York and Paris, it was finally acquired by the Carl Jung Institute in 1951. On the death of the famous psychoanalyst, the papyrus, now known as Jung Codex, returned to Cairo, where the almost one thousand pages and fragments of the Manuscripts from Nag Hammadi are now to be found.

* * *

The papyruses are Greek translations of texts written between the end of the first century BC and AD 180, and they constitute a body of work also known as the Apocryphal Gospels, because they are not included in the Bible as we know it today. Now why is that?

In AD 170, a group of bishops met to decide which texts would form part of the New Testament. The criterion was simple enough: anything that could be used to combat the heresies and doctrinal divisions of the age would be included. The four gospels we know today were chosen, as were the letters from the apostles and whatever else was judged to be, shall we say, ‘coherent’ with what the bishops believed to be the main tenets of Christianity. Reference to this meeting of the bishops and their list of authorised books can be found in the Muratorian Canon. The other books, like those found in Nag Hammadi, were omitted, either because they were written by women (for example, the Gospel according to Mary Magdalene) or because they depicted a Jesus who was aware of his divine mission and whose passage through death would, therefore, be less drawn out and painful.

* * *

In 1974, the English archaeologist Sir Walter Wilkinson discovered another manuscript, this time written in three languages: Arabic, Hebrew and Latin. Conscious of the laws protecting such finds in the region, he sent the text to the Department of Antiquities in the Museum of Cairo. Shortly afterwards, back came a response: there were at least 155 copies of the document circulating in the world (three of which belonged to the museum) and they were all practically identical. Carbon-14 tests (used to determine the age of organic matter) revealed that the document was relatively recent, possibly as late as 1307. It was easy enough to trace its origin to the city of Accra, outside Egyptian territory. There were, therefore, no restrictions on its removal from the country, and Sir Walter received written permission from the Egyptian government (Ref. 1901/317/IFP-75, dated 23 November 1974) to take it back to England with him.

* * *

I met Sir Walter’s son in 1982, at Christmas, in Porthmadog in Wales. I remember him mentioning the manuscript discovered by his father, but neither of us gave much importance to the matter. We maintained a cordial relationship over the years and met on at least two other occasions when I visited Wales to promote my books.

On 30 November 2011, I received a copy of the text he had mentioned at that first meeting. I transcribe it here.

I would so like to begin by writing:

‘Now that I am at the end of my life, I leave for those who come after me everything that I learned while I walked the face of this Earth. May they make good use of it.’

Alas, that is not true. I am only twenty-one, my parents gave me love and an education, and I married a woman I love and who loves me in return. However, tomorrow, life will undertake to separate us, and we must each set off in search of our own path, our own destiny or our own way of facing death.

As far as our family is concerned, today is the fourteenth of July 1099. For the family of Yakob, the childhood friend with whom I used to play in this city of Jerusalem, it is the year 4859 – he always takes great pride in telling me that Judaism is a far older religion than mine. For the worthy Ibn al-Athir, who spent his life trying to record a history that is now coming to a conclusion, the year 492 is about to end. We do not agree about dates or about the best way to worship God, but in every other respect we live together in peace.

A week ago, our commanders held a meeting. The French soldiers are infinitely superior and far better equipped than ours. We were given a choice: to abandon the city or fight to the death, because we will certainly be defeated. Most of us decided to stay.

The Muslims are, at this moment, gathered at the Al-Aqsa Mosque, while the Jews choose to assemble their soldiers in Mihrab Dawud – the Tower of David – and the Christians, who live in various different quarters, have been charged with defending the southern part of the city.

Outside, we can already see the siege towers built from the enemy’s dismantled ships. Judging from the enemy’s movements, we assume that they will attack tomorrow morning, spilling our blood in the name of the Pope, the ‘liberation’ of the city and the ‘divine will’.

This evening, in the same square where, a millennium ago, the Roman governor, Pontius Pilate, handed Jesus over to the mob to be crucified, a group of men and women of all ages went to see the Greek, whom we all know as the Copt.

The Copt is a strange man. As an adolescent, he decided to leave his native city of Athens to go in search of money and adventure. He ended up, close to starvation, knocking on the doors of our city, and, when he was well received, he gradually abandoned the idea of continuing his journey and resolved to stay.

He managed to find work in a shoemaker’s shop and – just like Ibn al-Athir – he started recording everything he saw and heard for posterity. He did not seek to join any particular religion, and no one tried to persuade him otherwise. As far as he is concerned, we are not in the year 1099 or 4859, much less at the end of 492. The Copt believes only in the present moment and what he calls Moira – the unknown god, the Divine Energy, responsible for a single law, which, if ever broken, will bring about the end of the world.

Alongside the Copt were the patriarchs of the three religions that had settled in Jerusalem. No government official was present during this conversation; they were too preoccupied with making the final preparations for a resistance that we believe will prove utterly pointless.

‘Many centuries ago, a man was judged and condemned in this square,’ the Greek said. ‘On the road to the right, while he was walking towards his death, he passed a group of women. When he saw them weeping, he said: “Weep not for me, weep for Jerusalem.” He prophesied what is happening now. From tomorrow, harmony will become discord. Joy will be replaced by grief. Peace will give way to a war that will last into an unimaginably distant future.’

No one said anything, because none of us knew exactly why we were there. Would we have to listen to yet another sermon about these invaders who call themselves ‘crusaders’?

For a moment, the Copt appeared to savour the general confusion. And then, after a long silence, he explained:

‘They can destroy the city, but they cannot destroy everything the city has taught us, which is why it is vital that this knowledge does not suffer the same fate as our walls, houses and streets. But what is knowledge?’

When no one replied, he went on:

‘It isn’t the absolute truth about life and death, but the thing that helps us to live and confront the challenges of day-to-day life. It isn’t what we learn from books, which serves only to fuel futile arguments about what happened or will happen; it is the knowledge that lives in the hearts of men and women of good will.’

The Copt said:

‘I am a learned man and yet, despite having spent all these years restoring antiquities, classifying objects, recording dates and discussing politics, I still don’t know quite what to say to you. But I will ask the Divine Energy to purify my heart. You will ask me questions and I will answer them. That is what the teachers of Ancient Greece did; their disciples would ask them questions about problems they had not yet considered, and the teachers would answer them.’

‘And what shall we do with your answers?’ someone asked.

‘Some will write down what I say. Others will remember my words. The important thing is that tonight you will set off for the four corners of the world, telling others what you have heard. That way, the soul of Jerusalem will be preserved. And one day we will be able to rebuild Jerusalem, not just as a city, but as a centre of knowledge and a place where peace will once again reign.’

‘We all know what awaits us tomorrow,’ said another man. ‘Wouldn’t it be better to discuss how to negotiate for peace or prepare ourselves for battle?’

The Copt looked at the other religious men beside him and then immediately turned back to the crowd.

‘None of us can know what tomorrow will hold, because each day has its good and its bad moments. So, when you ask your questions, forget about the troops outside and the fear inside. Our task is not to leave a record of what happened on this date for those who will inherit the Earth; history will take care of that. We will speak, therefore, about our daily lives, about the difficulties we have had to face. That is all the future will be interested in, because I do not believe very much will change in the next thousand years.’

Then my neighbour Yakob said:

‘Speak to us about defeat.’

And he answered:

* * *

Does a leaf, when it falls from the tree in winter, feel defeated by the cold?

The tree says to the leaf: ‘That’s the cycle of life. You may think you’re going to die, but you live on in me. It’s thanks to you that I’m alive, because I can breathe. It’s also thanks to you that I have felt loved, because I was able to give shade to the weary traveller. Your sap is in my sap; we are one thing.’

Does a man who spent years preparing to climb the highest mountain in the world feel defeated when, on reaching that mountain, he discovers that nature has cloaked the summit in storm clouds? The man says to the mountain: ‘You don’t want me this time, but the weather will change and, one day, I will make it to the top. Meanwhile, you’ll still be here waiting for me.’

Does a young man, rejected by his first love, declare that love does not exist? The young man says to himself: ‘I’ll find someone better able to understand what I feel. And then I will be happy for the rest of my days.’

In the cycle of nature there is no such thing as victory or defeat: there is only movement.

The winter struggles to reign supreme, but, in the end, it is obliged to accept spring’s victory, which brings with it flowers and happiness.

The summer would like to make its warm days last for ever, because it believes that warmth is good for the Earth, but, in the end, it has to accept the arrival of autumn, which will allow the Earth to rest.

The gazelle eats the grass and is devoured by the lion. It isn’t a matter of who is the strongest, but God’s way of showing us the cycle of death and resurrection.

And within that cycle there are neither winners nor losers, there are only stages that must be gone through. When the human heart understands this, it is free and able to accept difficult times and not be deceived by moments of glory.

Both will pass. One will succeed the other. And the cycle will continue until we liberate ourselves from the flesh and find the Divine Energy.

Therefore, when the fighter is in the arena – whether by his own choice or because unfathomable destiny has placed him there – may his spirit be filled with joy at the prospect of the fight ahead. If he holds on to his dignity and his honour, then, even if he loses the fight, he will never be defeated, because his soul will remain intact.

And he will blame no one for what is happening to him. Ever since he fell in love for the first time and was rejected, he has known that this did not put an end to his ability to love. What is true in love is also true in war.

Losing a battle or losing everything we thought we possessed will bring us moments of sadness, but when those moments pass we will discover the hidden strength that exists in each of us, a strength that will surprise us and increase our self-respect.

We will look around and say to ourselves: ‘I survived.’ And we will be cheered by our words.

Only those who fail to recognise that inner strength will say ‘I lost’, and be sad.

Others, even though they are suffering because they were defeated and feel humiliated by the things the winners are saying about them, will allow themselves to shed a few tears, but never succumb to self-pity. They know that this is merely a pause in the fighting and that, for the moment, they are at a disadvantage.

They listen to the beating of their own heart. They’re aware of being tense and afraid. They consider their life and discover that, despite the fear, their faith is still alive in their soul, driving them onward.

They try to work out what they did wrong and what they did right. They take advantage of this moment of defeat to rest, heal their wounds, devise new strategies and equip themselves better.

Then the day dawns when a new battle knocks on their door. They are still afraid, but they have to act – either that or remain for ever lying on the ground. They get up and face their opponent, remembering the suffering they have endured and which they no longer wish to endure.

Their previous defeat means that this time they must win, because they don’t want to suffer the same pain again.

But if victory is not theirs this time, it will be the next time. And if not the next time, then the time after that. The important thing is to get back on your feet.

Only he who gives up is defeated. Everyone else is victorious.

And the day will come when those difficult moments are merely stories to be told proudly to those who will listen, and they will listen respectfully and learn three important things:

Wait patiently for the right moment to act.

Do not let the next opportunity slip by you.

Take pride in your scars.

Scars are medals branded on the flesh, and your enemies will be frightened by them because they are proof of your long experience of battle. Often this will lead them to seek dialogue and to avoid conflict.

Scars speak more loudly than the sword that caused them.

‘Describe the defeated ones,’ asked a merchant, when he saw that the Copt had finished speaking.

And he answered:

* * *

The defeated are those who never fail.

Defeat means that we lose a particular battle or war. Failure does not allow us to go on fighting.

Defeat comes when we fail to get something we very much want. Failure does not allow us to dream. Its motto is: ‘Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed.’

Defeat ends when we launch into another battle. Failure has no end: it is a lifetime choice.

Defeat is for those who, despite their fears, live with enthusiasm and faith.

Defeat is for the valiant. Only they will know the honour of losing and the joy of winning.

I am not here to tell you that defeat is part of life: we all know that. Only the defeated know Love. Because it is in the realm of love that we fight our first battles – and generally lose.

I am here to tell you that there are people who have never been defeated.

They are the ones who never fought.

They managed to avoid scars, humiliations, feelings of helplessness, as well as those moments when even warriors doubt the existence of God.

Such people can say with pride: ‘I never lost a battle.’ On the other hand, they will never be able to say: ‘I won a battle.’

Not that they care. They live in a universe in which they believe they are invulnerable; they close their eyes to injustices and to suffering; they feel safe because they do not have to deal with the daily challenges faced by those who risk stepping out beyond their own boundaries.

They have never heard the words ‘Goodbye’ or ‘I’ve come back. Embrace me with the fervour of someone who, having lost me, has found me again.’

Those who were never defeated seem happy and superior, masters of a truth they never had to lift a finger to achieve. They are always on the side of the strong. They’re like hyenas, who only eat the leavings of lions.

They teach their children: ‘Don’t get involved in conflicts, you’ll only lose. Keep your doubts to yourself and you’ll never have any problems. If someone attacks you, don’t get offended or demean yourself by hitting back. There are more important things in life.’

In the silence of the night, they fight their imaginary battles: their unrealised dreams, the injustices to which they turned a blind eye, the moments of cowardice they managed to conceal from other people – but not from themselves – and the love that crossed their path with a sparkle in its eyes, the love God had intended for them, but which they lacked the courage to embrace.

And they promise themselves: ‘Tomorrow will be different.’

But tomorrow comes and the paralysing question surfaces in their mind: ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’

And so they do nothing.

Woe to those who were never beaten! They will never be winners in this life.

‘Tell us about solitude,’ said a young woman who had been about to marry the son of one of the richest men in the city but was now obliged to flee.

And he answered:

* * *

Without solitude, Love will not stay long by your side.

Because Love needs to rest, so that it can journey through the heavens and reveal itself in other forms.

Without solitude, no plant or animal can survive, no soil can remain productive, no child can learn about life, no artist can create, no work can grow and be transformed.

Solitude is not the absence of Love, but its complement.

Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life.

Therefore, blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge.

If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.

And if you do not know yourself, you will begin to fear the void.

But the void does not exist. A vast world lies hidden in our soul, waiting to be discovered. There it is, with all its strength intact, but it is so new and so powerful that we are afraid to acknowledge its existence.

The act of discovering who we are will force us to accept that we can go further than we think. And that frightens us. Best not to take the risk. We can always say: ‘I didn’t do what I should have done because they wouldn’t let me.’

That feels more comfortable. Safer. And, at the same time, it’s tantamount to renouncing your own life.

Woe to those who prefer to spend their lives saying: ‘I never had any opportunities!’

Because with each day that passes, they will sink deeper into the well of their own limitations, and the time will come when they will lack the strength to climb out and rediscover the bright light shining in through the opening above their head.

But blessed be those who say: ‘I’m not brave enough.’

Because they know that it is not someone else’s fault. And sooner or later, they will find the necessary faith to confront solitude and its mysteries.

* * *

For those who are not frightened by the solitude that reveals all mysteries, everything will have a different taste.

In solitude, they will discover the love that might otherwise have arrived unnoticed. In solitude, they will understand and respect the love that left them.

In solitude, they will be able to decide whether it is worth asking that lost love to come back or if they should simply let it go and set off along a new path.

In solitude, they will learn that saying ‘No’ does not always show a lack of generosity and that saying ‘Yes’ is not always a virtue.

And those who are alone in this moment need never be frightened by the words of the devil: ‘You’re wasting your time.’

Or by the chief demon’s even more potent words: ‘No one cares about you.’

The Divine Energy is listening to us when we speak to other people, but also when we are still and silent and able to accept solitude as a blessing.

And in that moment, Its light illuminates everything around us and helps us to see that we are necessary, and that our presence on Earth makes an immense difference to Its work.

And when we achieve that harmony, we receive more than we asked for.

* * *

For those who feel oppressed by solitude, it is important to remember that at life’s most significant moments we are always alone.

Take the child emerging from a woman’s womb: it doesn’t matter how many people are present, the final decision to live rests with the child.

Take the artist and his work: in order for his work to be really good, he needs to be still and hear only the language of the angels.

Take all of us, when we find ourselves face to face with that Unwanted Visitor, Death: we will all be alone at that most important and most feared moment of our existence.

Just as Love is the divine condition, so solitude is the human condition. And for those who understand the miracle of life, those two states peacefully coexist.

And a boy, who had been chosen as one of those who was to leave, rent his garments and said:

‘My city thinks I am not good enough to fight. I am useless.’

And he answered:

* * *

Some people say: ‘No one loves me.’ But even in cases of unrequited love there is always the hope that one day it will be requited.

Others write in their diaries: ‘My genius goes unrecognised, my talent unappreciated, my dreams scorned.’ But for them, too, there is the hope that, after many struggles, things will change.

Others spend their days knocking at doors, explaining: ‘I’m looking for work.’ They know that, if they are patient, someone will eventually invite them in.

* * *

But there are those who wake each morning with a heavy heart. They are not seekers after love, recognition or work.

They say to themselves: ‘I’m useless. I live because I have to survive, but no one, absolutely no one, is interested in what I’m doing.’

Outside, the sun is shining, they are surrounded by their family and they try to keep up the mask of happiness because, in the eyes of others, they have everything they ever dreamed of having. But they are convinced that no one there needs them, either because they are too young and their elders appear to have other concerns, or because they are too old and the younger members of the family seem uninterested in what they have to say.

The poet writes a few lines, then throws them away, thinking: ‘Nobody’s going to be interested in that.’

The labourer arrives for work and merely repeats the same tasks he did yesterday. He believes that, if he was ever dismissed, no one would even notice his absence.

The young woman making a dress takes enormous pains over every detail, and when she wears it to a celebration she reads the message in other people’s eyes: You’re no prettier or uglier than any of the other girls. Your dress is just one among millions of dresses all over the world, where, at this very moment, similar celebrations are being held – some in great castles, others in small villages where everyone knows everyone else and passes comments on what the other girls are wearing. But no one commented on what she was wearing, which went unnoticed. It was neither pretty nor ugly; it was just another dress.

Useless.

Younger people realise that the world is full of huge problems that they dream of solving, but no one is interested in their views. ‘You don’t know what the world is really like,’ they are told. ‘Listen to your elders and then you’ll have a better idea of what to do.’

The older people have gained experience and maturity, they have learned about life’s difficulties the hard way, but when the moment comes for them to teach these things no one is interested. ‘The world has changed,’ they are told. ‘You have to keep up to date and listen to the young.’

That feeling of uselessness is no respecter of age and never asks permission, but instead corrodes people’s souls, repeating over and over: ‘No one is interested in you, you’re nothing, the world doesn’t need your presence.’

In a desperate attempt to give meaning to life, many turn to religion, because a struggle in the name of a faith is always a justification for some grand action that could transform the world. ‘We are doing God’s work,’ they tell themselves.

And they become devout followers, then evangelists and, finally, fanatics.

They don’t understand that religion was created in order to share the mystery and to worship, not to oppress or convert others. The greatest manifestation of the miracle of God is life. Tonight, I will weep for you, O Jerusalem, because that understanding of the Divine Unity is about to disappear for the next one thousand years.

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