Copyright

Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

HarperElement

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2013

Copyright © Cathy Glass 2013

Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015

Cover images © James Jordan Photography/Getty Images (posed by models); Shutterstock.com (background)

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

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Source ISBN: 9780007514915

Ebook Edition © April 2013 ISBN: 9780007514922

Version 2016-08-15

Also by Cathy Glass

Damaged

Hidden

Cut

The Saddest Girl in the World

Happy Kids

The Girl in the Mirror

I Miss Mummy

Mummy Told Me Not to Tell

My Dad’s a Policeman (a Quick Reads novel)

Run, Mummy, Run

The Night the Angels Came

Happy Adults

A Baby’s Cry

Happy Mealtimes for Kids

Another Forgotten Child

Please Don’t Take My Baby

Will You Love Me?

About Writing and How to Publish

Daddy’s Little Princess

The Child Bride

Saving Danny

Girl Alone

The Silent Cry

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Also by Cathy Glass

Author’s Note

1. Stranger at the Door

2. New Arrival

3. Awkward

4. First Evening

5. Jade’s Story

6. Jackie

7. Testing Boundaries

8. Silly, Silly Girl

9. Hurt by Dishonesty

10. ‘Like You See on the Telly’

11. ‘Smelly Baby’

12. Worth It

13. Assessment

14. Error of Judgement

15. Not an Ogre

16. A Police Matter

17. Shaken to the Core

18. Too Late

19. ‘Please Don’t Take My Baby’

20. Prolonging the Agony

21. Tuesday

22. Last Chance

23. Broken Rules and Promises

24. Moving On

Epilogue

Suggested Topics for Reading-Group Discussion

Acknowledgements

Sample Chapter

Cathy Glass

Moving Memoirs eNewsletter

About the Publisher

Author’s Note

England has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the developed world. Last year nearly 40,000 teenage girls gave birth and nearly 60,000 terminated a pregnancy. These figures are truly shocking. And while some of the girls’ stories have happy endings, many do not.

Chapter One
Stranger at the Door

We’d just sat down to our evening meal when the doorbell rang. I sighed. Why did salespeople always manage to time their calls with dinner? Double glazing, cavity-wall insulation, religion, new driveway, landscape the garden or fresh fish from Grimsby: whatever they were selling, 6.00 p.m. seemed to be the time they called, I supposed because most people are home from work by then and it isn’t so late that people won’t answer their front doors.

‘Aren’t you going to see who it is, Mum?’ Paula, my eight-year-old daughter, asked, as I didn’t immediately leave the table.

‘Yes,’ I said as the bell rang for a second time.

Standing, I swallowed my mouthful of cottage pie and went down the hall to the front door, ready to despatch the salesperson as quickly as possible.

‘And don’t be rude!’ Adrian called after me.

As if I would! Although it was true I usually sent away cold callers efficiently and effectively, which to Adrian, aged twelve, could be seen as rude and certainly embarrassing.

‘Don’t be cheeky,’ I returned, as I arrived at the front door.

It was dark outside at six o’clock in January and, as usual, before answering the door at night, I checked the security spyhole, which allowed me to see who was in the porch. The porch was illuminated by a carriage lamp and gave enough light for me to see a lady in her early thirties, dressed smartly in a light-grey winter coat, and whom I vaguely recognized from seeing in the street. I guessed she was collecting either money for a charity or signatures for a petition on a local issue: traffic calming, crossing patrol, noisy pub in the high road, etc.

‘Hello,’ I said with a smile as I opened the door. The cold night air rushed in.

‘I’m sorry to trouble you,’ she began. ‘You’re Cathy Glass, aren’t you?’ I saw she wasn’t carrying a charity-collection tin or a clipboard with a petition to sign.

‘Yes,’ I said, surprised she knew my name. I certainly didn’t know hers.

‘I’m sorry to disturb you. My name’s Meryl Dennis. I work at Beachcroft School. I’m the games mistress – I teach PE. I expect you’ve seen me around? I live at number 122.’

‘Oh yes,’ I said. Number 122 was at the very bottom of the street.

I smiled politely and wondered why she was telling me who she was and about her school, which was on the other side of the county. Adrian, who’d started secondary school the previous September, attended a local school and Paula was still at our local primary school. I smiled again and waited, aware that the cold air was chilling the house and my half-eaten dinner was on the table going cold.

‘You foster, don’t you?’ Meryl asked a little nervously.

‘Yes. Although I don’t have a child at present.’

‘I thought not. I pass your house in my car on the way to work and I used to see you setting off on your school run. I thought your routine had changed.’

I smiled again and nodded, and continued to look at Meryl, still with no inkling as to why she was here or why she’d taken such an interest in my routine. Donna, the girl whose story I told in The Saddest Girl in the World, had left us in November and I’d taken Christmas off and was now waiting for another foster child to arrive. I didn’t yet know who it would be. But what any of that had to do with Meryl I had no idea.

‘Is it possible for me to come in for a few moments?’ Meryl asked. ‘What I have to say is confidential. I’m so sorry to trouble you like this.’

‘Well, yes,’ I said, slightly taken aback but intrigued. ‘Come in.’

Grateful to be able to close the door against the cold night air, I led the way down the hall.

‘Who is it?’ Paula called from the dining table, having heard our footsteps.

‘A lady who lives down our road,’ I said. ‘Finish your dinner, please.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Meryl said. ‘I’ve interrupted your meal.’

‘Don’t worry. It will save. Let’s go through here to talk.’ I showed her into the sitting room and pushed the door to. Adrian and Paula knew where I was if they needed me.

Meryl had the authoritative air of a teacher. She sat on the sofa, unbuttoned her coat and, slipping it off, folded it on to the sofa next to her. ‘I’m sorry to barge in on you like this,’ she apologized again. ‘But I need to ask you a favour – to help me out.’

It was then I thought she was probably looking for a childminder – hence her comments about me not having a child; possibly someone to look after her child or children before or after school. I’d been approached before by neighbours who knew I fostered and asked if I could mind their children. If this was why Meryl was here I’d have to politely refuse, for as a foster carer I’m not allowed to childmind as well, although I am allowed to help out a friend, for example, by looking after their child for a couple of hours while they go to the dentist or similar.

Meryl now looked at me very seriously as she spoke. ‘As well as teaching PE at Beachcroft I’m mentor for the girls in years twelve and thirteen. You know, what used to be known as the sixth form.’ I nodded. ‘The girls come to me with their problems, usually about studying and exams; or they have boyfriend problems, or they’re not getting on with their parents. I listen to them and do what I can to help. However, I have one girl in year twelve who is pregnant. She telephoned me half an hour ago to say her mother has thrown her out. She’s at a friend’s now but can’t stay there tonight. Can she come here?’

I was completely taken aback by the directness of the question, although the answer was simple: no. But I could see how passionate Meryl was in her desire to help the girl, so I thought she deserved a fuller explanation.

‘I can’t, I’m afraid. Although I’m a foster carer I can’t take any child I choose. The way the system works is that when a social worker at the local authority decides to bring a child into care they first check their lists to see if they have a suitable foster carer free; if they haven’t, they send a referral to the independent fostering agencies in the area to see if they have anyone suitable. The agency I foster for, Homefinders, receives the referral together with other agencies and if they think I’m suitable they contact me. Different foster carers have different expertise and specialities. I don’t foster pregnant teenage girls, but some foster carers do. The social services will be able to find somewhere for this girl. Have you contacted them?’

‘Jade doesn’t want them involved,’ Meryl said.

I paused and thought. ‘I think they need to be involved,’ I said.

‘I think they know about Jade,’ Meryl said. ‘I understand there’s a social worker already working with Jade’s mother on other issues. Jade has younger brothers and sisters. But Jade told the social worker she didn’t want her help – or words to that effect.’ Meryl shrugged.

‘I see. Well, I’m sorry but as a foster carer I can’t take a child unless the referral has come through the proper channels, and they won’t place Jade with me. I take younger children and often those with special needs or challenging behaviour.’

‘Couldn’t we have a private fostering arrangement?’ Meryl asked, clearly having done some research into the matter. ‘It’s not as though Jade is a small child. She can look after herself.’

‘I can’t become involved in a private fostering arrangement,’ I said. ‘Not while I work for a fostering agency. Also the law is clear: if someone who is not a relative of a child looks after a child who is under the age of sixteen for more than twenty-eight days, then they have to be assessed and become a registered foster carer. It’s for the child’s good. Foster carers are trained and regularly monitored.’

‘Jade’s just seventeen.’

‘I’m sorry, it doesn’t make any difference. I still can’t take her. I suggest you telephone the duty social worker now and explain the situation and that Jade has just become homeless. The social services will find her a bed for the night. At seventeen she’s still a minor, so the social services have a legal duty of care towards her. They’ll place her with a teen carer who can best take care of her needs.’

Meryl sighed and looked downcast. I felt sorry for her. She clearly wanted to help Jade and I think she really believed I could offer Jade a home, or at least a bed for the night. But it wasn’t that simple. Even if I’d been registered as a teen carer and had a spare bedroom, the referral would still have had to go through the social services who, if necessary, would pass it on to the independent fostering agencies (which are charitable trusts that came about as a result of the local authorities never having enough foster carers). As I looked at Meryl I thought how nice it was of her to be so conscientious and caring in her role as the girls’ mentor.

‘Do you know anyone else with a spare bedroom who could put Jade up for a few nights?’ Meryl asked. ‘Just until I get something else sorted out?’

‘No. I’m sorry, I don’t,’ I said. Although I knew some of my neighbours had spare bedrooms, I wasn’t going to get them involved in what could have been a difficult and embarrassing situation. I didn’t know Jade and I didn’t know those neighbours that well either. ‘All I can suggest is that you call the duty social worker,’ I said again.

‘Or perhaps I’ll give Jade my bed for tonight,’ Meryl said.

I looked at her, surprised. Clearly it was her decision to take Jade in but I wasn’t sure it was the right one professionally. Meryl was, after all, a teacher at Jade’s school and I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to blur the boundaries between teacher and pupil for either of their sakes.

‘I know I’m becoming too involved,’ Meryl suddenly said, as though reading my thoughts. ‘But you see, I can identify with Jade. I didn’t have the best start in life and when I was Jade’s age I went completely off the rails. It was a teacher at my school who helped me get my life back on track. I’ll always be grateful to her for going that extra mile for me and I’d like to do the same for Jade.’ Which explained a lot.

‘Will she keep the baby?’ I asked, mindful of the huge responsibility she’d be undertaking if she did.

‘She wants to. And I’m trying to help her keep her studies going, although she won’t be attending school for much longer.’

‘Hopefully her parents will give her some support when they get over the shock,’ I offered.

‘Maybe, but I’m not counting on it. Jade’s mother has problems of her own, and her other kids to look after. And as far as I’m aware Jade’s father isn’t around much. Anyway, I’ve taken up enough of your time,’ Meryl said, now standing and putting on her coat. ‘Thanks, and sorry to interrupt your dinner.’

‘That’s all right. I’m just sorry I couldn’t help you.’

I went with Meryl down the hall, wishing I could have done more, but as I’d explained to Meryl I couldn’t just take in any child, apart from which there were reasons I didn’t foster teenagers: they were very hard work. They often went missing and required a great deal of emotional support. I felt I had enough responsibility looking after Adrian, Paula and a foster child, as well as coming to terms with being newly divorced, and I didn’t feel I could offer support to a teenager at present.

Chapter Two
New Arrival

‘Hi. How are you? Have you enjoyed your rest?’ Jill, my support social worker from Homefinders, asked the following day.

It was mid-morning and I’d just returned from taking Adrian and Paula to school, having stopped off at the shops on my way home. I’d answered the telephone in the hall. ‘I’m fine, thanks, Jill,’ I said. ‘Very rested. Donna telephoned at the weekend and she’s doing well.’

‘Good. I’m pleased. She’s a nice kid. So you’re ready for your next placement? Raring to go?’

I smiled. ‘Yes, I am.’ For although I enjoyed a short break between fostering placements, I was always ready to welcome the next child. I foster because I want to; it’s what I do and love.

‘Great,’ Jill said. ‘How would you like a teenager who is seven months pregnant?’

I fell silent. I didn’t know how far into her pregnancy Jade was – Meryl hadn’t said – but surely this was too much of a coincidence? ‘She wouldn’t be called Jade, would she?’ I asked.

‘That’s right. The very same. I understand a teacher from her school has taken Jade under her wing and visited you last night.’

‘Yes, Meryl. I told her I couldn’t help her and she should telephone the duty social worker.’

‘She did. First thing this morning. Jade’s family is already known to the social services, and Meryl asked the family’s social worker if Jade could stay with you. She thinks you’ll take good care of her, and living in the same street she feels she’ll be able to offer some support, which may be a help or a hindrance. I’ve told the social worker that although you’re approved to foster teenagers you don’t normally do so – you’ve enough to cope with, and you certainly wouldn’t want a mother-and-baby placement.’ Jill, as always, was forthright in her manner and, as my support social worker, could be relied upon to have my best interest at heart.

‘Thank you,’ I said.

‘However,’ Jill continued, ‘Jade’s social worker is asking if you can look after Jade until they find a mother-and-baby placement: four weeks at the most. She’ll be moved before she has the baby. Jade won’t be going to school any more but they’re hoping to arrange some home tutoring. I said I’d ask you, but clearly it’s your decision, Cathy. Feel free to say no.’

‘I see,’ I said thoughtfully. ‘Just for a month?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can I think about it?’

‘Unfortunately no. They need a decision straightaway. Jade’s mother has thrown her out and Jade spent last night in Meryl’s bed while Meryl slept on the sofa. But Meryl’s husband is back tonight from a business trip and they don’t have a spare bedroom.’

‘I see,’ I said again. I felt sorry for Jade: it was bad enough to be pregnant at seventeen but to have no family support must be devastating. ‘And the social services will have found her a mother-and-baby carer before the baby is born?’

‘Yes. Absolutely.’

‘All right then, Jill,’ I said with a small flush of relief. ‘I’ll do what I can to help her. I’ll be pleased to.’

‘Great. I’ll tell Rachel, her social worker.’

‘I thought Meryl said Jade wasn’t having anything to do with the social services?’ I queried.

‘To be honest, Jade hasn’t got much choice,’ Jill said. ‘Rachel is already involved with the family and although Jade is adamant she wants to keep the baby, she’s going to have to prove she can look after it properly. Otherwise it will be taken into care.’

While this seemed harsh, it was in the best interest of the baby; babies are fragile, vulnerable little beings and if parenting goes badly wrong there is often no second chance.

‘Jade needs to start cooperating with the social services,’ Jill added. ‘She also needs their help. I think she’s starting to realize that.’

‘Good. So when do I meet Jade?’

‘I’ll phone Rachel now and tell her you’ve agreed to look after her, and then I’ll get back to you with more details. I think we’ll probably move Jade in late this afternoon or early evening. I want to be there and obviously Rachel will need to be there too. Are you in today, apart from the school run?’

‘Yes. I can be.’

‘I’ll phone you as soon as I’ve spoken to Rachel, then. Thanks, Cathy.’

‘You’re welcome.’

We said goodbye and as I replaced the receiver I felt a frisson of excitement: a new child and a new challenge. Although Jade wasn’t exactly a child, and she would only be staying with me for a short while, I would do all I could to help her. I felt sure she would benefit from some stability in her life and my TLC (tender loving care), which I prided myself on offering to all the children I looked after, and wouldn’t go amiss even with a teenager. A wiser, more experienced teen carer might have asked some appropriate questions – for example, about Jade’s boyfriend, the father of her unborn baby, and what involvement, if any, he would be having in Jade’s life. But for me at that moment, elated by the prospect of doing all I could to help Jade, such questions never crossed my mind.

Leaving the hall, I jogged up the stairs and to the spare bedroom to make some last-minute changes so that it was suitable for when Jade arrived and she felt comfortable. I didn’t think she’d mind the soft toys dotted around the room, but I removed the toy box. Then I changed the duvet cover and pillowcase, replacing the pictures of Batman with plain pale yellow. Satisfied the room was clean and welcoming, I returned downstairs. As a foster carer and an individual I try not to be judgemental, and if I thought Jade was far too young to be having a baby and that she should have been more careful I didn’t dwell on it. Who knew what past experience had brought Jade to this point in her life and self-righteous recrimination is never helpful. My role was to look after Jade and her unborn baby, which I intended to do to the best of my ability, and if she left me feeling less alone and better able to face the world then I would be delighted.

Jill telephoned again two hours later, by which time I had vacuumed the carpets, dusted the shelves, tidied the house and begun the preparation of the spaghetti bolognese for dinner. Although it was only lunchtime, I knew from experience that when a new child arrives time evaporates; I’d been caught out before by suddenly finding it was seven o’clock and no dinner was ready. Now, having been fostering for eleven years, I was better prepared. However, the only news Jill had was that she didn’t know when Jade would be arriving, as Rachel hadn’t been able to contact her. Apparently Jade wasn’t in school and Meryl didn’t know where she was.

‘I’ll phone as soon as I know more,’ Jill said.

Such uncertainty isn’t unusual in fostering, so I wasn’t fazed. Plans change and I knew enough about teenagers to know that their timekeeping was fluid and their appointment keeping variable.

As the afternoon was cold but bright I put the washing on the line to dry, and then with some time to spare I began a new fostering folder in preparation for Jade’s arrival. In this would go the forms the social worker would bring with her, as well as the daily record all foster carers have to keep of the child they are looking after. This includes medical, education and social-care appointments, any significant events, details of contact and the child’s general disposition. This record keeping allows the child’s progress to be monitored so that additional help can be accessed if necessary. The notes are confidential and when the child leaves the foster carer they are placed on the child’s file at the social services. Even though Jade would be with me for only a short while I had to start a file, although I couldn’t include much at present other than her name, age and today’s date. More information would follow with the social worker when she placed Jade.

Having heard no more from Jill that afternoon, I left the house at 3.00 to collect Paula from school. Adrian, as normal, would make his own way home from secondary school; usually he walked with his friends. I knew I needed to prepare both children for Jade’s arrival. Although they were used to children suddenly appearing and starting to live with us, a heavily pregnant teenager was something different – as new to them as it was for me.

I took the opportunity to talk to Paula on the way home. Once she’d finished telling me her news from her day at school, I said: ‘Jill phoned today and she’s asked us if we can look after a teenage girl for about a month.’

‘Good, I’m pleased we’re having a girl,’ Paula said. She always preferred fostering girls so that she had someone to play with, while Adrian preferred boys for the same reason, although in the end they usually all played together, and of course we had no choice as to which sex the child would be: it was a matter of which child needed a foster home.

‘Yes, a big girl,’ I said. ‘She’s seventeen.’

‘Will she still want to play with me?’ Paula asked.

‘I am sure she will sometimes, although she’ll need a lot of rest. She’s expecting a baby.’

Paula went quiet for a moment and I could almost hear her thought processes ticking. I would wait for her next question rather than rush in.

‘Is the daddy coming to live with us too?’ Paula asked. Aged eight, Paula knew that babies had daddies, although they didn’t always live with their child.

‘No. It will just be Jade,’ I confirmed.

‘And the baby is still in her tummy?’

‘Yes. That’s right.’

‘Will it come out while she’s living with us?’ Paula asked, pulling a face. She also knew where babies came from and that giving birth was a messy business, from seeing baby rabbits being born.

‘No. Jade will leave us before the baby is born,’ I said. ‘Although there’s nothing to be squeamish about. Giving birth is perfectly natural.’

‘I’d rather be a bird and lay eggs,’ Paula said.

I smiled. ‘And have to build a nest each year? And then sit on the eggs until they hatch?’

Paula laughed and then fell silent again. I could see she was thinking again. ‘Do teenagers normally have babies?’ she asked. ‘Our teacher said you had to be an adult.’

‘It’s best to be an adult,’ I said, ‘although a teenager can have a baby. But it’s a big responsibility, so it’s much better to wait until you are older and have a nice home and a husband to help you.’ It might have sounded as though I was lecturing Paula, but I thought it was important she knew what was generally considered the better option. Paula was young and impressionable and looked up to older girls. I didn’t want her using Jade as a role model; pregnant at seventeen with nowhere to live – what mother would?

We’d just got home when the telephone rang. It was Jill. She said that Jade had been found and was now with her social worker, Rachel, and they would be with us at about five o’clock. Jill also said she was aiming to be with us just before then. As my support social worker, whenever possible she was present when a child was placed – to check the paperwork and that I had everything I needed to look after the child, and generally to be supportive and give advice where necessary.

Adrian arrived home at 4.30, and as he helped himself to a glass of milk and a banana I quickly brought him up to date.

‘Is that the girl that teacher wanted us to have?’ he asked. After Meryl had left the evening before, Adrian and Paula had asked what she’d wanted and I’d briefly told them.

‘Yes, the same one,’ I said. ‘Meryl – the teacher – phoned the social services first thing this morning. I’ve said we’ll look after Jade just for a month, until they’ve found her somewhere else to live.’

Adrian nodded and, having finished his snack, went off to play with his Nintendo in his room, which was far more interesting than a teenage girl coming to stay. Paula watched some children’s television. Then at 4.50 the doorbell rang and it was Jill. Paula knew we would need the sitting room and scampered off upstairs to play – either with Adrian or in her own room. Jill called hi to her and then came with me into the kitchen while I made her a cup of coffee.

Jill didn’t have any more details about Jade, so we’d have to wait until Rachel arrived with Jade. We went through to the sitting room with the coffee and Jill commented that snow was forecast, and also that it was good of Meryl to take such an interest in Jade. I agreed, although I didn’t tell Jill that Meryl’s interest was partly due to her having experienced something similar, as I thought she’d told me that in confidence.

At just gone 5.00 the doorbell rang and, feeling a little nervous and apprehensive, I left the sitting room and went down the hall to answer it. As I opened the front door the cold air rushed in.

‘Hello.’ I smiled. ‘I’m Cathy.’

‘Hello, I’m Rachel,’ the social worker said, shaking my hand and stepping into the hall first. ‘This is Jade, and this is Tyler, Jade’s boyfriend.’

‘It’s nice to meet you.’ I smiled again. Then, without thinking, I added to Tyler: ‘I wasn’t expecting you.’

‘No, neither was I,’ Rachel said pointedly.

‘I wanted him here,’ Jade put in a little grumpily.

‘OK,’ I said. ‘Welcome.’

‘He’ll just be here for a short while,’ Rachel said. ‘So he knows Jade is all right, and then he’ll be leaving.’

Tyler looked about aged twelve and beside Jade looked more like her son than boyfriend. Not only was she taller than him by a good two inches, but she was also about twice his width and matronly. I thought she’d probably been a bit overweight before her pregnancy but now with her stomach distended she was certainly a big girl and, to use a saying, looked as though she could have eaten him for dinner. She was plain but not unattractive, with chin-length brown hair. She was dressed in black leggings and a long jumper, which was stretched tightly over her bump.

Tyler was carrying a zipped holdall, which I assumed contained Jade’s belongings, and I suggested he left it in the hall. I then showed the three of them through to the sitting room, where Jill stood to greet them. I asked Rachel, Jade and Tyler if they would like something to drink but they didn’t want anything. Jade and Tyler sat close together at one end of the sofa and Rachel sat at the other, while Jill and I took the single chairs. Rachel was tall and slender and I guessed in her late twenties. She had a pleasant manner, warm and vibrant, although I thought she could be firm when necessary.

‘Thank you for agreeing to take Jade,’ Rachel said, removing a wodge of papers from her large bag-cum-briefcase. ‘She’s promised me she’s going to behave herself.’ Which suggested she might not have behaved herself in the past.

I smiled at Jade. She linked her arm through Tyler’s but didn’t smile back and concentrated on the carpet.

‘I’m pleased to be able to help,’ I said brightly. ‘I’m sure Jade and I will get along fine. I’m looking forward to having a teenager in the house.’

Tyler glanced at me, while Jade continued staring at the carpet.

‘Everything you need should be in here,’ Rachel said, passing a set of paperwork to me and then another to Jill. ‘Essential information and consent form – for the fostering. I’ve run through the contents with Jade and at her age she’ll sign the consent as well.’

I nodded and quickly flicked through the papers, which included the contact details of the social services; Jade’s mother’s address, which Jade had given as her permanent home; the names and dates of birth of Jade’s siblings; and the names and date of birth of the baby’s father, from which I quickly calculated Tyler to be only sixteen. Jill was also glancing through the paperwork.

‘Cathy,’ Rachel said after a moment, ‘I would like you to make sure Jade attends her antenatal appointments. She’s missed some in the past and they are important.’

‘Absolutely,’ I said. ‘When is the next one due?’

‘Next week,’ Rachel said. ‘She attends the Lakeview Health Centre for her antenatal care.’

‘I want Tyler to come too,’ Jade said, finally raising her eyes from the floor to look at Rachel.

‘That’s fine,’ Rachel said, ‘as long as he doesn’t miss school. You’ve got exams this year, haven’t you?’

Tyler shrugged. ‘Maybe. Dunno. I’m leaving school as soon as I can.’

‘When exactly is the appointment?’ Jill now asked.

‘Jade has the appointment card in her bag,’ Rachel said.

‘It’s in the hall. I’ll get it later,’ Jade said.

‘Make sure you tell Cathy the date in plenty of time,’ Jill said to Jade. ‘Cathy has two children and she has to work around their commitments too.’

Jade nodded sullenly, but I appreciated she had a lot to cope with and how difficult all this must be for her.

‘Jade has some of her clothes with her,’ Rachel said, moving on, ‘enough for tonight and a couple of days, but she’s hoping to collect some more of her belongings from home tomorrow. Aren’t you, Jade?’

Jade nodded.

‘Jade won’t be attending school any more,’ Rachel continued, looking at me, ‘so perhaps the two of you could go to her home tomorrow and pick up her things? Jade has a front door key if no one is in.’

‘That’s fine with me,’ I said. ‘We’ll go in my car.’

‘Will Jade’s mother be home?’ Jill asked, mindful that some parents are angry towards the foster carer when their child is taken into care.

Rachel looked at Jade, who shrugged. ‘Dunno,’ she said.

‘Jade’s mother works part time,’ Rachel said. ‘But she’s all right with me, so there shouldn’t be a problem meeting you. She’s happy for Jade to visit whenever she wants to.’

‘Are you comfortable going?’ Jill asked me.

‘Yes,’ I said. I was usually able to work with the parents whose children I fostered. However, I was becoming increasingly aware of just how different it was going to be fostering a teenager compared to a younger child; for example, children in care normally only see their parents at supervised contact, whereas Jade could go and see her mother any time. Another reminder followed quickly, as Rachel said: ‘I’ve told Jade that this placement is for her only. She can see Tyler but he is not to stay here overnight.’

Chapter Three
Awkward

‘So where can he sleep?’ Jade asked, somewhat disgruntled.

‘My mum says if I’m not staying at your place I have to go home,’ Tyler said.

‘Very sensible,’ Rachel said. ‘That solves the problem.’ Then, addressing Jill and me, Rachel explained: ‘Tyler has been sleeping at Jade’s house for some time but it was very overcrowded.’

‘No it wasn’t,’ Jade said. ‘He slept with me – in my room.’

Jill and I exchanged a glance, for it would appear that Jade’s mother had actively encouraged her seventeen-year-old daughter to sleep with her sixteen-year-old boyfriend and now she was pregnant had thrown her out.

Rachel didn’t respond to Jade’s comment but continued with the paperwork, checking through her copy and pointing out details that were relevant to me looking after Jade, while Jill and I followed on our copies. I read that Jade was the eldest of five children and she and the two elder siblings had the same surname, while the younger two had a different surname. Jade’s mother’s date of birth made her thirty-five, so she must have been eighteen when she’d had Jade. Jade’s father’s name and date of birth were given – he was the same age as Jade’s mother – but he didn’t live with Jade’s mother, and there was no contact address for him. In the section headed ‘health of young person’ it stated that Jade was pregnant – approximately thirty weeks – and her emotional and developmental health was age appropriate. Under ‘education’ it showed that Jade had gained six GCSEs the summer before and that she was part way through an A-level course, which she hoped to continue after her baby was born.

‘You mentioned that Jade might be receiving some home tuition,’ Jill asked Rachel.

‘We’ve decided to leave it until after the baby is born,’ Rachel said. ‘Jade felt she wouldn’t be able to concentrate at present with everything else.’ Which I fully appreciated, although I wondered how she would be able to concentrate on studying with a young baby to look after. ‘Perhaps you could teach Jade some home-care skills?’ Rachel asked me. ‘Basic cooking, for example, to help prepare her for when she lives independently.’

‘Yes, I’d be pleased to,’ I said, again smiling at Jade.

‘I can cook already,’ Jade said a little dourly.

‘Great. You can help me, then,’ I said lightly, throwing her another smile.

Rachel ran through the rest of the forms and then the four of us signed the last page, which formed the contract: Jade was signing to give her consent to being in care, Rachel signed as the social worker responsible, Jill signed as the representative of the fostering agency and my support social worker, and I signed to agree to the terms of looking after Jade. If I wanted to end a placement early I had to give the social services and Homefinders twenty-eight days’ notice in writing, but that hadn’t happened yet.

‘So what are you going to do this evening, then?’ Rachel asked Jade as she packed away her copy of the papers.

Jade shrugged.

‘We’ll be having dinner soon,’ I said, for I noticed it was nearly half past six.

‘That sounds good,’ Rachel said. ‘What are you going to have?’

‘Spaghetti bolognese,’ I replied.

‘Lovely. I expect you’re hungry,’ Rachel said to Jade as she closed her briefcase.

Jade shrugged. ‘Can Ty stay for dinner?’

‘That will be up to Cathy,’ Rachel said decisively.

Jade and Tyler now looked at me expectantly. ‘Yes, there’s plenty,’ I said.

‘Excellent. What time does your mother want you home?’ Rachel asked Tyler. The contrast between the man (who’d created a baby and was shortly to be a father) and the boy (whose mother wanted him home at a set time) was not lost on Jill and I saw the briefest of smiles flicker across her face.

‘After dinner, I guess,’ Tyler said easily.

‘I think we should set a time for Tyler to leave,’ Jill said. Tyler was settled so comfortably on my sofa that he looked as though he was there for the night. ‘What time do you think is reasonable?’ Jill asked.

While I wanted Jade to feel welcome in what would be her home for the next month, I thought that it could be quite disruptive to the household routine and to Adrian and Paula if Tyler was here every evening until late. ‘I have to see to my daughter, Paula,’ I said. ‘And Adrian has homework to do, so is eight o’clock on a weekday all right? Later at weekends.’

‘That seems reasonable to me,’ Rachel said. ‘And Jade needs to establish a routine.’ Then, looking at Tyler: ‘Eight o’clock it is, then, unless your mum is expecting you sooner?’ Again I felt the discrepancy between the boy and the man, although Tyler seemed unfazed.

‘She didn’t set a time,’ Tyler said.

‘OK, so we’ll say you leave here by eight o’clock and then Cathy can get on with what she has to do,’ Rachel clarified. ‘We’ll just have a look around the house and then I’ll be off.’

It’s usual for the foster carer to show the social worker and the child around the house when a child first arrives, and I stood, ready to begin the tour. As I did, two sets of footsteps could be heard scampering downstairs and along the hall, and then Paula and Adrian appeared in the sitting room and stopped dead. Perhaps they thought that Jill and Rachel had gone, for they looked surprised to see all the adults.

‘This is Adrian and Paula,’ I said, introducing them to Rachel, Jade and Tyler. Jill knew my children from having been my support social worker for many years.

‘This is Jade and her boyfriend, Tyler,’ I said to Adrian and Paula. ‘And this is Rachel, Jade’s social worker.’

‘Hi,’ Rachel said. ‘Good to meet you. Sorry to take up so much of your mother’s time. I expect you’re ready for dinner. I know I am.’

Adrian smiled politely and nodded while Paula, who was always a bit shy when first meeting people, came to stand beside me. I left Jill in the sitting room with Adrian – she was asking him how secondary school was going – and with Paula holding my hand, I began the tour of the house.

‘This is the kitchen,’ I said to Rachel, Jade and Tyler. ‘We have our meals over there.’ I pointed to the table and chairs in the dining area of the extension.

‘Very nice,’ Rachel said. Jade and Tyler stood side by side just inside the kitchen-cum-dining room, holding hands and looking very awkward, as teenagers often do.

‘Cooker, fridge-freezer and washing machine,’ I said, pointing them out. I then led the way out of the kitchen, down the hall and into the front room, which among other things contained a sofa, a small desk with the computer, a hi-fi system, and shelves of CDs, DVDs and books.

‘I expect it’s useful having more than one living room when you’re fostering,’ Rachel said.

‘Yes,’ I agreed. Then to Jade I said: ‘You can use the computer in here. I’ll show you how.’

Jade nodded but didn’t say anything.

I then led the way upstairs and showed Jade her bedroom. ‘I’m sure you’ll be comfortable in here once you’ve got your belongings with you,’ I said.

‘Yes, it’s a nice big room,’ Rachel said, following Jade and Tyler in. ‘There’s lots of space for your things. And what a nice view – overlooking the garden.’ She went over to the window.

Jade glanced towards the window but she didn’t go over; nor did she say anything. She appeared lost and overwhelmed, and I felt sorry for her. As with any child coming into care, all that had been familiar to her had suddenly vanished and was possibly gone for good. Jade had spent last night at a teacher’s house and now she was in another strange house with unfamiliar people and their unfamiliar routine.

‘Don’t worry,’ I said, touching her arm reassuringly. ‘You’ll soon feel at home.’

‘I’m not worried,’ Jade said, putting on a brave face, but she obviously was. She appeared anxious and kept nervously pulling at a loose thread on the sleeve of her jumper.

We left Jade’s room and as we went round the landing I pointed out Adrian’s, Paula’s and my bedrooms, and then we arrived at the bathroom.

‘You can have a shower or a bath,’ I said, showing Jade (and Tyler and Rachel) in.

‘You like your baths, don’t you?’ Rachel said.

‘Don’t mind,’ Jade said with a small shrug.

Having seen upstairs, we returned downstairs and into the sitting room, where Adrian was still making polite conversation with Jill. On my arrival he saw his release and immediately disappeared out of the room and upstairs, quickly followed by Paula.

‘Thanks, Cathy,’ Rachel said, picking up her briefcase. ‘I’m going now.’ Then, looking at Jade: ‘I’ll phone you tomorrow. Have a good evening.’

Jill said goodbye to Rachel and stayed in the sitting room with Jade and Tyler, while I went down the hall to see Rachel out. At the door Rachel said quietly: ‘Meryl – the teacher at Jade’s school – was planning on visiting you tonight, but I’ve told her to wait until Jade has settled in.’

‘Thank you,’ I said.

‘I’m sure she just wants to be helpful but if it gets too much let me know. It could be unsettling for Jade if she keeps popping in.’

I thanked Rachel again, said goodbye and returned to the sitting room. Jade and Tyler were once more sitting side by side on the sofa, now listening to Jill, who was telling Jade that I was a very experienced foster carer and a nice person who would look after her very well.

‘Thank you, Jill,’ I said with a small embarrassed laugh.

‘Well, it’s true,’ she said. ‘Now, if there’s nothing you need I’ll leave you good people to have your dinner.’ Then to Jade and Tyler: ‘Nice to meet you both. See you again soon.’ As my support social worker Jill would visit me regularly to make sure Jade’s needs were being met and I had everything I needed to look after her properly.

I saw Jill to the front door. ‘I’ll phone tomorrow to see how things are going,’ she said. ‘You may have to be firm when it comes to Tyler going. He’s looking very settled and remember he’s used to staying with Jade. Eight o’clock and he says goodbye.’

‘All right, I will,’ I said. Jill had a lot of experience working with teenagers and I appreciated her advice.

Having seen Jill out I returned to the sitting room. It was nearly seven o’clock and we needed to eat. ‘Are you both OK?’ I asked Jade and Tyler. ‘I’ll see where Adrian and Paula are and then I’ll make dinner. It won’t take long.’

Jade didn’t say anything but Tyler nodded. I smiled positively and, leaving the sitting room, I went upstairs.

I appreciated Adrian and Paula might feel a bit awkward fostering a teenager, and might do so for a few days, but hiding in their bedrooms wouldn’t help; they needed to come down and be sociable. I too felt a little awkward and clearly Jade and Tyler were struggling too. I found Paula in Adrian’s bedroom, where they were both playing with the robotic crab he’d had for Christmas.

‘I’m starving, Mum,’ Adrian said as soon as I walked in. ‘When will dinner be ready?’

‘Ten minutes,’ I said. ‘And while I make dinner I want you two to go downstairs and talk to Jade and Tyler. We can’t just leave them sitting there by themselves.’

‘Do we have to?’ Paula sighed.

‘Yes. It’s polite. If you feel awkward – in your own home – imagine how Jade must be feeling.’

‘Is that boy staying?’ Adrian asked.

‘Tyler. Yes, just for dinner and then he’ll be going home.’

‘When?’ Adrian asked, tersely.

‘At eight o’clock.’

‘I’ll be in bed then,’ Paula moaned.

‘Exactly, so you can come down now and talk to them. They don’t bite.’

Adrian and Paula made no move to do as I asked. ‘Now, please,’ I said more firmly.

Paula pulled a face but they both stood. Then, without their usual enthusiasm for spending time with new children, they followed me downstairs and into the sitting room. ‘Adrian and Paula have come to join you,’ I said brightly as we went in.

Tyler and Jade looked at them blankly and Adrian and Paula looked back equally blankly. Usually when we fostered younger children Adrian and Paula suggested games or activities to ‘break the ice’ and make the children feel welcome, but I realized that they now felt a bit intimated and shy.

‘Perhaps you’d all like a game of Sunken Treasure?’ I suggested. ‘It’s a game for all ages.’

‘What’s Sunken Treasure?’ Tyler asked, reasonably enthusiastically.

Seeing Tyler’s interest Adrian said: ‘I’ll get it from the cupboard.’

‘Thank you,’ I said.

Adrian went to the cupboard in the conservatory containing toys and games and returned with the large boxed game, which he set on the coffee table in front of Jade and Tyler.

‘Cor, that looks good,’ Tyler said, taking off the lid and peering in. ‘We ain’t got nothing like that at my house.’

Encouraged by Tyler’s enthusiasm and easy manner, Adrian and Paula pulled up a stool each as Tyler began removing the contents from the box: the board on which the game was played, showing brightly coloured underwater scenes in 3-D, a dice, shaker, various galleon boats and little treasure chests containing gold, sliver and pearls.

Jade shuffled to the edge of the sofa so that she too could see.

‘How do you play?’ Tyler asked.

‘You all choose a galleon,’ I said, picking up one of the little boats. ‘Then you take turns to shake the dice and move the galleon around the board, like this. If it stops over the treasure chest, the chest rises from the bottom of the ocean and attaches itself to your boat.’

‘Wow! How does it do that?’ Tyler asked, the little boy in him surfacing.

‘There’s a small magnet at the base of the boat,’ I said, turning over one of the boats to show him. ‘And another magnet in the treasure chest.’ I opened one of the chests and pointed it out. ‘Magnets attract.’

‘That’s cool,’ Tyler said, impressed.

‘The person who has the most treasure wins,’ I said. ‘But you have to watch out for the killer sharks and giant octopus; they eat you and your treasure.’ I pointed to the little models of open-mouthed sharks with rows of vicious teeth and giant octopuses with long, thick tentacles. ‘Adrian will explain the rules while I make dinner.’

Feeling the ice had been broken, I left the four of them grouped around the game while I went into the kitchen to cook the spaghetti and heat the bolognese sauce. Toscha, our cat, miaowed; her dinner was late too and I fed her before turning my attention to ours.

My first impression of Jade and Tyler was that, while pleasant, they were young and immature and would struggle to cope with a baby. I didn’t know what involvement Tyler intended to have with his child but realistically – given that he was sixteen and still at school – he wouldn’t be able to offer much in the way of support. Whether or not Jade could cope alone with a baby remained to be seen and that wasn’t really any concern of mine. My role was to see Jade through the next month, after which she would go to a mother-and-baby placement.

I thought it wouldn’t be long before Adrian and Paula felt more at ease around Jade (and Tyler) and vice versa. Excited voices soon rose from the sitting room as sunken treasure was found and then lost, which seemed to confirm my optimism for them all getting along. But as I lowered the spaghetti into the pan of boiling water, Tyler’s voice rose above the others: ‘Fuck no! It fell off. That’s not fucking fair!’

Chapter Four
First Evening

Leaving the spaghetti boiling in the pan, I left the kitchen and met Paula who was coming out of the sitting room and on her way to me.

‘Mum, that big boy swore,’ she whispered, clearly worried.

‘I know, I heard,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it.’

While swearing might be acceptable in Tyler’s house and with his friends, it wasn’t acceptable in my house in front of Adrian and Paula. I knew from previous experience – with other children I’d fostered – that if I didn’t stop the swearing now it would escalate. And although Tyler wasn’t a child I was fostering I had a feeling we’d be seeing a lot of him, so I needed to put in place the ground rules straightaway.

As I entered the sitting room Adrian looked up at me anxiously, aware the words Tyler had used weren’t acceptable, while Jade and Tyler were concentrating on and enjoying the game. Indeed, having got over whatever it was he thought was unfair, Tyler was happily telling Jade to hurry up, as it was her turn.

‘Er … Tyler,’ I said, taking a few steps into the room. ‘Please don’t swear. There are children present.’

‘Yeah, sure,’ he said amicably. ‘Sorry.’

I smiled reassuringly at Adrian and Paula who, relieved that the matter had been dealt with so easily, returned to the game.

I returned to the kitchen and ten minutes later called everyone to come, as dinner was ready. They must have been very hungry, for they didn’t protest at having to break off from their game, which wasn’t finished. I could see Paula was tired and 7.30 was late for her to be eating, so as soon as we’d eaten I would take her upstairs for her to wash and get ready for bed. Once everyone was at the table I served the meal. When Jade was seated at the dining table her bump was even more emphasized, as it stopped her from getting close to the table. I could see Adrian and Paula stealing surreptitious glances at her as we ate and I knew that certainly Paula would have questions later about bumps and babies.

The first few meals – and indeed the first few days after a new child arrives – are often a little strained, with everyone reserved and not saying much. However, this wasn’t true of that evening, thanks to Tyler, who seemed very relaxed and at home and led the conversation. He began by saying how nice the spaghetti bolognese was, which immediately won him a place in my heart, and then between mouthfuls he talked easily to Adrian and Paula, so that after a while I asked him: ‘Do you have brothers or sisters? You’re good with children.’

‘Yeah, two,’ Tyler said, sucking a long piece of spaghetti into his mouth until it disappeared with a loud plop, making Adrian and Paula laugh. ‘I’ve got a brother and sister, younger than me. They’re great kids. I love them and me mum. She’s made a lot of sacrifices to bring us up and I’m grateful.’ Which I thought was a lovely thing to say, especially coming from a teenage boy. Tyler also said he didn’t see much of his dad, as he only appeared a few times a year – when he wanted a loan from his mum. So he didn’t really know him and he hadn’t been a ‘proper dad’.

‘That’s why I’m gonna make sure I’m there for my kid,’ Tyler continued. ‘I want my kid to have a proper dad. I’m gonna do all the things dads should do and see my kid behaves proper as well.’ Highly commendable, I thought, although I did wonder how he was going to achieve this in practice, given that he was at school and didn’t have a job or home of his own.

‘Does your dad live with you?’ Tyler then asked Adrian and Paula.

Adrian shook his head and looked embarrassed, while Paula looked at me to explain, as she usually did when her father was mentioned.

‘Sadly he doesn’t live with us any more,’ I said. ‘Although he does see Adrian and Paula regularly.’

‘It ain’t the same, though,’ Tyler said. ‘Dads should be there for their kids.’

Although I agreed with this I always tried to stay positive for Adrian’s and Paula’s sakes and not lament over what could or should have been.

‘Absolutely,’ I said. ‘But sometimes we don’t have control over events and we just have to make the best of what we have. That’s what we do and from what you’re saying that’s what you do too.’

‘Yeah, and I’m going to be there for my child. I promised Jade.’

Jade didn’t say anything but concentrated on her food.

Tyler was the first to finish and thanked me for the meal. He was then eager to be away from the table to finish the game of Sunken Treasure, just like a big loveable kid. He encouraged the others to ‘hurry up’ so that they could finish the game. Adrian and Paula ate faster while Jade, who’d said little throughout the meal, finished her meal at her own pace. She was slow in this, as she was in her other movements, as many women are in the late stages of pregnancy – a result of weight gain, hormones and sheer exhaustion.

To give him his due, Tyler waited until Jade had finished before leaving the table, and then the four of them returned to the sitting room to finish their game while I cleared the table. Five minutes later I heard Tyler shout he’d won and I called them for pudding – apple crumble and ice cream, which again Tyler said was very nice and thanked me for. Once we’d all finished I said it was time for Paula to go to bed and told her to say goodnight, which she did without a fuss.

‘Shall we play another game of Sunken Treasure?’ Tyler asked Adrian.

I glanced at the wall clock: it was 7.50. ‘One quick game and then we all say goodnight,’ I said, mindful of Jill’s advice.

‘Sure,’ Tyler said easily and dashed into the sitting room, closely followed by Adrian, who was clearly enjoying playing with Tyler. Jade followed more slowly and seemed happy to go along with whatever Tyler suggested. I thought that once Tyler had gone home and Adrian and Paula were in bed I’d have a chance to talk to Jade and get to know her better.

Paula and I went upstairs and once we were in the bathroom and couldn’t be overheard Paula’s questions began. ‘Is Tyler the baby’s daddy?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’

‘How can he be? He’s only a boy.’

‘He’s old enough to father a child,’ I said.

‘What does “to father a child” mean?’

‘Make a baby.’

‘Why did he want to do that?’

‘Because he likes Jade a lot.’

‘Does he still go to school?’

‘Yes.’

‘He can’t go to school and be a daddy, can he?’

I appreciated how confusing all this was to an eight-year-old. ‘Well, he finishes school soon,’ I said. ‘But you’re right. He’s too young really to be a father. Now wash your face, please.’

Paula picked up the face flannel but it didn’t reach the water or her face. ‘Why didn’t he wait to make a baby?’ she asked, looking at my reflection in the mirror above the basin.

‘Well, sometimes people make a baby when they don’t mean to,’ I said. ‘It’s called an accident, although the parents still love the baby when it’s born.’

‘Was I an accident?’

‘No. Absolutely not. I waited three years for you.’

‘Why did you have to wait, Mummy?’

‘Because sometimes it takes a long time to make a baby and sometimes it happens very quickly.’

‘But Jade didn’t have to wait, did she?’ Paula said, trying to clarify it in her mind and finally dipping the flannel into the water and dabbing her cheek.

‘No.’

‘Jade’s baby was an accident.’

‘Yes.’

‘But she’ll still love the baby when it’s born, won’t she?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good. Because it’s horrible if someone has a baby and doesn’t love it. That would make me upset.’

I gave her a hug. ‘I know, love. Now finish washing. It’s well past your bedtime.’

By the time I’d seen Paula into bed and read her a story it was 8.15. I kissed her goodnight, came out and went downstairs, thinking it was asking a bit much to expect a lad of sixteen who was in the middle of enjoying a game to realize it was time to leave. Entering the sitting room, I saw the game was continuing; each player had a little pile of treasure chests that they had won. Toscha, as usual, had found a comfortable spot and was curled up on the sofa next to Jade, who was absently stroking her between turns.

‘It’s 8.15,’ I said gently as I entered.

‘Oh, Mum!’ Adrian cried. ‘Can’t we just finish this game?’

‘Oh, yeah, please let’s finish the game,’ Tyler said.

‘Five minutes and then you must pack away,’ I said. ‘You, Adrian and Paula have school tomorrow and Jade needs her rest.’

‘I’m OK,’ Jade said, clearly not wanting to be responsible for ending the game. ‘Can I have a packet of crisps?’

‘Yes, if you’re still hungry, although a piece of fruit would be better.’

Jade pulled a face. ‘I don’t do fruit,’ she said.

‘Nah, she don’t do fruit,’ Tyler agreed.

I thought Jade needed to ‘do’ some fruit, but didn’t say so. It was only her first evening with us and there’d be other times when I could help her eat more healthily. So I left the sitting room, went into the kitchen and returned with a large bag of assorted crisps.

‘We have these at home,’ Jade said as I offered her the bag and she took a packet of cheese-and-onion-flavoured crisps.

‘Yeah, so do we,’ Tyler said, taking a beef-flavoured packet.

Adrian, aware he didn’t normally have crisps just before bed, grinned sheepishly and quietly selected a packet of roast-chicken ones. The resulting aroma as the various flavours mingled set Toscha’s nose twitching. Although Adrian wasn’t normally allowed crisps just before bed it would have been unfair to leave him out, so I could see that one of the issues with fostering a child older than one’s own was that it could lead to double standards – with something being acceptable for a teenager but not for a younger child.

The game finished a few minutes later and they counted their treasure chests. Adrian had the most and had therefore won.

‘Well done,’ I said. ‘Let’s pack away the game now.’

‘I’ll beat you next time,’ Tyler said good-humouredly.

He helped Adrian pack the pieces into the box and closed the lid, but then sat back comfortably on the sofa and made no move to go. I now had to get Tyler off the sofa, to say goodnight and out the front door.

‘Your mum will be wondering where you are,’ I said, trying the subtle approach first.

‘Nah, she’s OK. She knows I’ll be back later.’

‘Good, but we did agree eight o’clock was the goodbye time and it’s nearly half past eight now,’ I said.

‘Oh yeah,’ Tyler said, clearly simply not realizing the time. He stood. ‘Well, thanks, missus. Thanks for dinner. It’s been very nice.’

I smiled. ‘You’re welcome, but call me Cathy. We’ll see you again soon.’ Then to Jade, I said: ‘Would you like to see Tyler out?’

Jade shuffled to the front of the sofa so that she could stand. Tyler reached out his hand and she took it. Then, in what appeared a familiar routine and was quite touching, he hauled her off the sofa with an exaggerated groan. ‘Ten-ton Tess!’ he joked. Adrian laughed but I wasn’t sure Jade appreciated Tyler’s humour; she didn’t laugh.

‘I’m going up to my room now,’ Adrian said. ‘See ya, Ty.’

‘Yeah, see ya soon,’ Tyler said, raising his hand so that Adrian could give him a high five.

‘I’ll be up shortly,’ I said to Adrian as he left the room. Then to Tyler, who was also on his way out: ‘Goodnight.’

‘Night,’ he called.

I waited in the sitting room while Jade went with Tyler down the hall to the front door. It went quiet, so I guessed they were having a goodnight kiss. Then I heard the front door open and it went quiet again. I felt the cold night air seep down the hall and into the sitting room, quickly cooling the house. I waited a minute longer and when there was no sound of the front door closing I called: ‘Could you shut the front door, please, while you’re saying goodnight? It’s making the house cold.’

‘I’m going,’ Tyler called easily.

There was another silence, during which the front door remained open; I assumed they were having a final goodnight kiss. Then I heard the door close and I went into the hall.

‘All right, love?’ I asked.

Jade was standing in the hall by the coat stand. She nodded. ‘Where’s my bag?’

‘I took it up to your room earlier. Would you like to unpack now? You’ll feel more at home with some of your belongings around you.’

‘Don’t mind,’ Jade said with a small shrug. ‘But I need me phone. It’s in me bag.’

‘Come on, I’ll show you where it is.’ I led the way upstairs and into Jade’s room, where I’d put the holdall on the floor. ‘Shall I help you unpack?’ I asked. Although Jade didn’t have many things with her – we were collecting more from her home the following day – I thought she might like some help, and it would also give me an opportunity to chat and get to know her.

‘No, I can do it.’ She squatted down, unzipped the holdall and took out her mobile.

‘Sure?’ I asked.

She nodded and concentrated on her phone.

‘I’ll leave you to it, then,’ I said. ‘Let me know if you need anything. Come down when you’re ready.’ I smiled and came out, leaving Jade sitting on the bed texting.

I knocked on Adrian’s door. ‘Are you getting ready for bed now?’ I asked quietly so that I didn’t disturb Paula in the next room. Adrian knew he had to be in bed by nine o’clock on a school night.

‘Yes,’ he replied.

‘Good. I’ll come up at nine to say goodnight.’

I checked Paula was asleep, closed her bedroom door and went downstairs to the kitchen, where I washed the dishes and cleared up while I waited for Jade to come down. She hadn’t much to unpack, so I was expecting to see her very soon, although I appreciated that at her age she might want some time to herself. When she hadn’t appeared by nine o’clock I went upstairs. Her bedroom door was ajar and the light was on, but I couldn’t hear any movement inside.

I knocked lightly. ‘Jade? Is everything all right?’

There was no response so I knocked again. ‘Jade? It’s Cathy. Can I come in?’

Still nothing, so I opened the door wider and went in. Jade was lying on the bed on her side, in her clothes and fast asleep with her mobile in her hand. Her bag was open on the floor but not unpacked. The poor kid must have been exhausted. I didn’t want to just leave her there for the night. Although she’d taken off her shoes it would be uncomfortable for her to sleep in her clothes, and without the routine of changing and getting into bed if she woke in the night she might wonder where she was.

Leaning slightly over her bed, I said: ‘Jade, it’s Cathy. Shall I help you to get changed and into bed? Are your night things in your bag?’ I guessed they would be but I didn’t like to just start rummaging in her bag to find them. With a younger child I unpacked their bags when they first arrived, but at Jade’s age I needed to respect her privacy. ‘Jade, love,’ I tried again, gently stroking a few strands of hair away from her face. ‘It’s Cathy. Would you like to get changed so you are more comfortable?’

Still nothing. She was clearly in a very deep sleep. I then decided it might be best to leave her for now to have a sleep. I’d cover her with the duvet, leave the light on low, and listen out for her. She’d probably wake before I went to bed. I reached to the foot of the bed and began drawing up the duvet. Suddenly I jumped with fright as a loud noise shot from the bed: a hundred decibels of rap, scaring me silly and blasting Jade awake.

‘Oh my God, Ty!’ she cried, waking, sitting and answering the phone with one movement. ‘I was asleep. Oh my God, where am I? Help!’

Chapter Five
Jade’s Story

‘You’re safe,’ I reassured Jade. ‘You’re with me – Cathy.’

‘Oh yeah,’ she said, now fully awake and realizing where she was.

‘That’s quite some ringtone,’ I said. ‘I nearly jumped out of my skin.’

‘I usually put it on silent at night but I fell asleep.’

‘I know you did, love. You must be exhausted. Let me help you unpack and then you can have an early night.’

Jade nodded and swung her legs off the bed. Tyler was still on the other end of the phone and Jade said to him: ‘I’ll phone you later, Ty. I’ve got to unpack.’

She closed the phone and put it on the pillow. She looked pale and tired, and my immediate concern was for her to have a good night’s sleep. ‘What time do you usually go to bed?’ I asked as she yawned.

‘Any time, really. It doesn’t matter. It was difficult sleeping in a single bed with Ty.’

I’d have thought it would have been impossible given the size of Jade’s bump, and contrary to what Jade said about bedtime not mattering, it did matter. I knew that in pregnancy it was just as important to have enough sleep as it was to have a good diet; otherwise the expectant mother could become run down.

‘I think you could do with an early night,’ I said. ‘How about you go to the bathroom and have a wash and change while I unpack your bag?’

‘Do I have to have a bath?’ Jade asked, as a small child would.

‘No, I think that can wait until the morning if you’re very tired. Just have a good wash and do your teeth, then have your bath tomorrow. You’re not in school, so there’s no rush in the morning.’

Jade nodded and yawned again.

‘Are your nightdress and wash bag in your bag?’ I asked.

She nodded, but remained sitting on the bed and making no move towards the holdall.

‘Shall I find them for you?’

‘Yeah, please.’

I unzipped the holdall and her wash bag and towel immediately came into view. I took them out and passed them to her. ‘Do you have a nightdress or pyjamas in here?’

‘I use those pink leggings and that T-shirt,’ she said, pointing to the items in the holdall.

I took out the wash-faded pink leggings and a very large pale pink T-shirt, on which was emblazoned a bright pink pig. I thought one of the first things I would buy Jade would be some maternity nightwear, which would be more comfortable and make her feel good.

‘You know where the bathroom is?’ I asked, passing her the leggings and T-shirt.

‘Yeah. You showed me earlier.’

I smiled. ‘There’s toothpaste and soap in there. Call me if you need anything. I’ll unpack the rest of your bag while you’re in the bathroom.’

I gave Jade my hand and helped her off the bed, and she ambled out of the bedroom and to the bathroom while I set about her unpacking. Jade didn’t appear to have any maternity wear at all but there were two more pairs of black stretch leggings and two big sloppy jumpers, which I supposed were just as good. They were clean, although bobbled from being worn and washed repeatedly. There was also a bra, some pants and six soft toys. Indeed most of the bag had been taken up with the cuddly toys: two teddy bears, a panda, a kangaroo, a monkey and a lion. They were clearly childhood favourites, for they were well worn and ear-chewed. I thought it said a lot about Jade that, being essentially a child herself, she’d packed these cuddly toys to the exclusion of practical items like more clothes. At the very bottom of the bag I found the antenatal appointment card that Rachel had mentioned. Opening it, I saw that Jade’s next appointment was scheduled for Wednesday at one o’clock, which was a good time, as it meant it didn’t clash with me collecting Paula from school.

I folded Jade’s clothes into the chest of drawers, arranged the toys on the bed and then zipped shut the now empty holdall. It would be useful to take with us tomorrow when we went to Jade’s house to collect some more of her belongings. I noticed there’d been no photograph of her family in her bag and I’d suggest to Jade she bring one from home. I’d found before with children I’d looked after that in all but the severest cases of abuse from parents, a child usually finds it reassuring to have a photograph of their natural family with them and on show.

I heard the bathroom door open and then Jade’s footsteps on the landing, and she reappeared. She was wearing the pink leggings and T-shirt that acted as her nightwear and, having had a wash and brushed her hair, she looked a little fresher, but she still looked tired.

‘I’ve put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket in the bathroom,’ she said.

‘Thanks, love. I do the laundry each morning. I’ve put your clean clothes in this drawer,’ I said, pointing. ‘And your cuddly toys are on the bed. You’ve got quite a collection there.’

Jade looked at her toys and smiled. It was the first time she’d smiled properly all evening and her whole face lit up. I thought she should smile more often, but then she was probably very anxious and worried about the future.

‘I love my cuddlies,’ she said touchingly, sitting on the bed and stroking the panda. ‘They’ve all got names. These are Bert and Betty Bear,’ she said, touching the two bears. They’re named after my aunt and uncle who died. The panda is called Chi Chi. I got her when I went to the zoo with the school. The kangaroo is Hoppity and the monkey is Melvin. My brother called him that. And the lion is Simba from The Lion King. I love that film.’

‘So do I,’ I said, smiling. ‘We all like our cuddlies here too, even Adrian, although he wouldn’t admit it.’

Jade nodded. ‘I’m going to buy my baby lots of cuddly toys. I’ve already started a collection at home.’

‘Have you started buying the other things you’ll need for the baby too?’ I asked. ‘There’s a lot to prepare for.’

‘I have some nappies but that’s all,’ Jade said. ‘I haven’t had much money. But now I’m in foster care I get an allowance, don’t I?’ And it crossed my mind (somewhat unkindly) that maybe this was the reason Jade had come into foster care. She wouldn’t be the first teenager to put herself in care, or whose parent(s) had purposely made her homeless, aware the state would find her somewhere to live, pay for her keep, and also give her an allowance. However, Jade quickly added: ‘But that’s not why I’m in care.’

‘Good. Because the allowance isn’t much. As soon as I receive it I’ll pass it on to you. But it’s only enough to cover essential items.’

‘Rachel said I need to get essential items and not spend any more on baby toys.’

‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘There’s a lot to buy. Usually the hospital gives you a list of what you need at one of the antenatal appointments.’

‘They might have,’ Jade said nonchalantly. ‘But I’ve lost it.’

‘No worries. We’ll get you a copy when we go for your appointment next week. I was also thinking we could go shopping together one day – buy you some maternity clothes and also some baby things. You want to be prepared well ahead of time.’

‘Yeah,’ Jade said. ‘Ty’s not interested in shopping, and Mum’s always busy.’

I felt that although Jade was tired she was in the mood to talk, so I sat on the bed next to her. ‘Being a mother keeps you very busy,’ I said. ‘Your mum has your younger brothers and sisters to look after.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ Jade said.

‘Do you know the sex of your baby?’ I asked out of interest. ‘Did they tell you at the hospital when you had your scan?’

Jade shook her head. ‘It was too early when I had the first scan. Then I missed the second scan. Ty wants a boy so he can play football and take him to see the matches, but I want a girl so we can talk and be best friends.’

I thought that while this was a delightful view of parenting it was also worryingly naïve and didn’t take into account the many years of hard work, patience and dedication that lay ahead for Jade (and Tyler). ‘Do you know when your next scan is?’ I asked.

Jade shook her head.

‘We’ll ask when we go to the clinic next week. Your appointment card is over there.’ I pointed to the bookshelf where I’d put the card. ‘I’ll make a note of the time and date in my diary too.’

‘I’m going to love my baby and give it lots of attention,’ Jade suddenly said. ‘I’ll show my mum she’s wrong.’

‘Wrong about what?’ I asked.

‘She wants me to give up my baby for adoption. What does she know?’

I thought Jade’s mother probably knew quite a lot about babies, considering she’d had five of her own, but I didn’t say so. It was important I kept the line of communication open to establish a relationship with Jade, and agreeing that her mother might have a point wouldn’t endear me to her.

‘Your mum’s probably worried how you’re going to cope,’ I said. ‘I know I would be if you were my daughter.’

‘I’ll manage, and I’m going to be a better mum than she is,’ Jade said. ‘I’m gonna give my kid everything it wants.’

Where to begin on the subject of parenting? I thought. I took a breath and chose my words carefully. ‘You know, Jade, part of being a good parent is that as well as giving your child love, attention and presents, you put in place boundaries and say no when you have to. That’s what makes a child grow up to be a responsible adult who knows right from wrong. If a parent doesn’t put in place boundaries, but gives in to the child all the time, the child grows up to be very self-centred and doesn’t know how to share or behave.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ Jade said. ‘But I’m going to be there for my kids.’

‘Good. Weren’t your parents there for you?’

Jade shook her head. ‘Dad comes and sees us sometimes but he always brings his new girlfriend and I hate her. Mum works and then she sees her boyfriend most evenings. She ain’t there much either.’

‘So who looks after your brothers and sisters when your mum is out?’ I asked, for I knew from the referral that Jade’s siblings were all younger than she was.

‘Me usually,’ Jade said. ‘Now she’ll have to find someone else to be her skivvy, cos I’ve got me own life to lead.’ Jade shifted position on the bed to try to get more comfortable.

‘Did you have a lot of responsibility at home?’ I asked her gently.

‘Yeah, but I love my brothers and sisters. I didn’t mind really. I miss them.’

‘You can still see them,’ I said. ‘You can go home and visit, can’t you?’

Jade looked down into her lap and began tugging anxiously at her sleeve. ‘Mum’s pissed off with me. She says I’m a bad influence on the kids and I should stay away. Since I told her I was pregnant we’ve argued non-stop. She told me I was a silly cow for putting myself in the club. She said I’ve made the same mistake she did and I should have known better. She got pregnant when she was my age, when she was drunk. Two nights ago we had our worst row ever and I called her a slag, so she chucked me out.’

‘Oh dear,’ I said. ‘I think you were both angry with each other. When you’ve had time to calm down and cool off I’m sure things will be better. Have you spoken to your mum since you left and went to Meryl’s?’ I asked.

‘No.’

‘If your mum’s there tomorrow when we collect your clothes, it might be a good opportunity to make up,’ I suggested.

‘No, I don’t want to see her yet. We’ll go in the morning. She doesn’t get home from work until one o’clock.’

Which I had to accept. I couldn’t force Jade to see her mother. ‘What work does your mum do?’ I asked.

‘Cleaning. She cleans offices early morning – six to nine, and then rich people’s houses until twelve. She has a sleep in the afternoon.’

‘So who looked after your brothers and sisters in the morning and took them to school if your mum was at work?’

‘Me. And I ain’t doing it any more. Who takes your kids to school? Because it won’t be me.’

I smiled. ‘I wouldn’t ask you to. Adrian goes by himself or with friends, and I take Paula.’

‘Just asking,’ Jade said. ‘Cos I know some foster carers take liberties with their foster kids and use them as cheap labour.’

‘Do they?’ I asked, shocked. ‘I don’t know any foster carers who treat their children that way.’ However, I did know that foster carers and social workers often got a bad press on the estate where Jade lived.

Jade didn’t answer but pulled a face and stretched out her legs to try to get more comfortable. ‘I’ll be glad when I’ve had this baby,’ she said. ‘No one told me how uncomfortable it was going to be being pregnant. It keeps kicking me, the little sod.’ She shifted again and then took hold of my hand and placed it on her swollen stomach. ‘Here, feel this,’ she said.

I had the palm of my hand gently resting on the outside of her T-shirt and for a moment there was nothing. Then suddenly I felt the wall of her stomach bulge and tighten as a little fist or foot kicked out.

‘Isn’t that truly wonderful?’ I smiled. ‘Don’t you think it’s incredible the way new life has grown within you? It’s a little miracle.’

But Jade wasn’t impressed. ‘I’ll be glad when it’s out,’ she said. ‘Then I can walk and sit proper again.’

We continued talking for a while longer, and Jade asked me about childbirth and if it hurt. I reassured her, saying that while the contractions would be uncomfortable she wouldn’t suffer, as pain relief would always be available at the hospital. She said she wanted Tyler to be with her when she had the baby but he wasn’t sure he wanted to be there and kept making excuses.

‘He’s the dad. He should be there,’ Jade said adamantly.

‘It would be nice if he could be there,’ I said. ‘Although I can understand that at his age he might not feel he could. Who will be with you as your birthing partner if Tyler can’t do it?’ I asked.

‘Me mum was going to but we’re not speaking now. So I guess I’ll be by myself.’

‘Jade, love,’ I said, patting her arm, ‘I’m sure you and your mum will have made it up long before your baby is born, but if by any chance you haven’t, and Tyler decides he can’t be there, I will be with you. If you’d like me to.’ Although Jade would have left me by the time her baby was born, there was no way I wanted her contemplating having her baby without the support of a birthing partner.

‘Yeah, OK,’ she said easily as though she was agreeing to go to the cinema or shopping with me.

We chatted some more – about everyday things – and then Jade said she was ‘knackered’ and wanted to go to sleep. I saw her into bed, making sure she was comfortable and fetching the glass of water she asked for.

‘If you need anything in the night call me,’ I said. ‘Don’t go wandering around in a strange house by yourself – you may trip and fall. I’ll leave you to get up in the morning in your own time. I’m usually back from taking Paula to school by 9.15. So I’ll get you some breakfast then, and then we’ll go to your mum’s. Is that all right?’

‘Yeah, sure.’

‘Goodnight then, love. And not too long on that mobile. You need your sleep.’ For as I was leaving her bedroom, despite being ‘knackered’ Jade had found the energy to start texting again.

‘I’m just saying goodnight to Ty,’ she said.

‘All right, love. Five minutes. Goodnight.’

‘Night,’ she called.

I came out and closed her door.

An hour later when I went up to bed I heard talking coming from Jade’s room. It didn’t take great insight to realize she was on her mobile. I knocked lightly on her door and then put my head round it. Jade looked up from beneath the duvet, where she was very comfortably settled in bed, surrounded by her soft toys and with her phone pressed to her ear.

‘I won’t be long,’ she said, anticipating what I was going to say.

I nodded and came out.

Half an hour later when I’d finished showering, it was all quiet in Jade’s room. I went to bed, read for a while and was just dozing off when I heard Jade’s voice – raised and angry, nearly shouting, and very likely to wake Adrian and Paula. Throwing on my dressing gown, I went round the landing, knocked on her door and went in. Jade was still in bed but was now propped up on one elbow and arguing on the phone.

‘Sorry,’ she said to me as I entered, taking the phone from her ear. ‘He’s being such a dickhead.’

I assumed she was talking to Tyler, although goodness knew what he had or hadn’t done. ‘It’s very late,’ I said. ‘Finish the call now, please. I don’t want Adrian and Paula woken and you need to get off to sleep.’

Jade nodded, but I had the feeling that the moment I was out of the room the call would resume. It was then I remembered some advice I’d heard at a support-group meeting for foster carers, from a couple who were experienced teenager carers. They said one of their house rules was that all mobile phones were left downstairs at night and collected at breakfast. This had the double result of ensuring the teenagers weren’t on their phones all night and also that they got up in the morning.

‘Jade,’ I said, kindly but firmly, ‘if you can’t take responsibility for switching off your mobile for the night, then you will have to leave it downstairs.’ The couple had also said that separating a teen from a mobile was a bit like severing a limb.

Jade scowled. ‘You can’t do that,’ she said defiantly.

‘I hope I won’t have to, so please make the right decision.’

Jade scowled again; then, returning the phone to her ear, said, ‘I gotta go now, Ty. Speak to you tomorrow.’

‘Good decision,’ I said. ‘See you in the morning. Goodnight, love. God bless.’

Chapter Six
Jackie

The rest of the night was quiet, and indeed no sound came from Jade’s room the following morning while Adrian, Paula and I got up, had breakfast and then left for school. I was pleased Jade had cooperated the night before, although I appreciated I might have to deal with the same issue again, as teenagers have notoriously short memories when it comes to requests they’d rather not comply with. I also knew teenagers liked their sleep and can sleep all day if they are allowed to, so I was anticipating having to wake Jade when I returned home from taking Paula to school.

To my amazement as I let myself into the hall I heard music coming from the radio in the kitchen and the sound of someone cooking. I slipped off my coat and shoes and hooked them on the hall stand, and then went into the kitchen. Jade was washed and dressed and, having found the largest frying pan, was cooking herself a full English breakfast: fried eggs, bacon, sausages, fried bread and baked beans.

‘Good morning,’ I said brightly.

I could see she’d already had cereal because her bowl with residue milk, the spoon, the open canister of sugar, the open packet of cereal and the four-pint carton of milk were all still on the work surface, together with the butter, a loaf of bread, a carton of eggs, a packet of bacon, a can of baked beans, a bag of frozen sausages, a mug of tea and a carton of juice which clearly Jade had struggled to open, as it was standing in a large puddle of its contents.

‘That smells good,’ I said.

Jade had her back to me and was concentrating on the frying pan, and she didn’t turn or answer. It was then I saw she was wearing earphones. I switched off the radio, which seemed superfluous to her needs, and going over lightly touched her arm.

She turned with a small start, removed one earphone and beamed. ‘Hi! Aren’t you proud of me? I got up without being told, had a bath and hair wash, and now I’m doing me own breakfast to save you the trouble.’

‘Excellent,’ I said. I wondered if Jade was also going to save me the trouble of clearing up after her, but I knew enough of teenagers to know that was doubtful. At least she was up and not lazing in bed. I was pleased with her. ‘Would you like a hairdryer?’ I asked, seeing her hair was damp.

‘Nah, it’ll go frizzy. I leave it to dry,’ she said, turning the sausages in the pan.

‘If you’ve finished with these I’ll put them back in the fridge so we can use them again,’ I said. I began gathering together the butter, milk, eggs, sausages, etc., which needed to be kept in the fridge. ‘And Jade, love, can I suggest you turn down the gas a little? When the fat splatters that much and you see blue smoke coming from the pan it usually means the fat is a little too hot.’

‘Oh, yeah, sure,’ she said, jigging in time to the music coming through the one earpiece. I opened the small window to stop the smoke alarm going off.

Satisfied that the house wasn’t going to burn down and Jade had everything she needed, I thought it best to leave her to finish cooking her breakfast. I didn’t want her to feel I was watching or criticizing her. I knew teenagers hated being watched and can easily feel they are being ‘picked on’. In fact I was surprised at just how much I did know about teenagers, even though it was some years since I’d fostered one – knowledge gained from foster-care training and friends’ teenagers, I suppose.

‘I’ll fetch your empty holdall from your room so it’s ready for us to take with us later,’ I called to Jade as I left the kitchen and went upstairs.

‘Sure,’ she returned amicably.

Going into Jade’s bedroom I picked up the duvet, pink leggings, T-shirt and soft toys from the floor and returned them to the bed, although I stopped short of making the bed – Jade could do that. I then picked up the holdall and, leaving it on the landing, went round to my bedroom to collect the empty suitcase that I kept on top of my wardrobe; we’d take both cases with us. As I did, I passed the open door of the bathroom. I knew teenagers weren’t renowned for their tidiness or for clearing up after themselves but how one person could use so many towels and products I’d no idea. I also wondered how hot Jade had had the water, for the bathroom was like a sauna, with water running down the window, mirrors and wall tiles. I opened the bathroom window; I screwed the tops back on the shower gel, bubble bath, shampoo, conditioner, body lotion and toothpaste; and then I mopped up the puddle of water by the bath so that it didn’t seep through to the ceiling below. It was Jade’s first morning and I wouldn’t start nagging her about clearing up, although I now appreciated some of the discussions that had taken place at the foster-carer support-group meetings between carers who fostered teenagers.

I took the case and holdall downstairs and left them ready in the hall. As I did, Jade’s voice called from the kitchen: ‘Cathy! I’ve made you a mug of tea.’

‘That’s kind of you, love,’ I said, going into the kitchen.

Jade had finished cooking and was now seated at the table in the dining area and tucking into her cooked breakfast. She’d set a mug of tea for me in the place opposite her and I sat down. ‘Thanks, love,’ I said again.

‘Would you like something to eat?’ she asked, waving her fork at her plate of food, which did look appetizing, apart from the river of grease and tomato sauce. ‘We can share it if you like.’

‘It’s all right, love. You enjoy it. I had my breakfast earlier with Paula and Adrian.’

‘Have they gone to school now?’ she asked, eating and making conversation.

‘Yes.’

‘They’re nice kids,’ she said. ‘I hope my mum’s got someone to take my brothers and sisters to school.’

‘I’m sure she has,’ I reassured her. ‘We’ll check with Rachel when we speak to her later.’

Jade nodded. She clearly loved her brothers and sisters very much and felt responsible for them. I thought she’d probably had too much responsibility, although I could see how that had happened, with her mother being a single parent and working unsociable hours. Clearly Jade’s help would be missed and I wondered if her mother, Jackie, now regretted their argument and throwing Jade out.

Once Jade had finished eating, I suggested she got ready while I cleared up the kitchen. She didn’t object.

It took Jade over an hour to get ready, slightly longer than it took me to clear up after her in the kitchen. I’m not sure why it took her so long, as she was already washed and dressed; perhaps she was texting. I didn’t nag her to hurry up. During that time Jill phoned and asked if everything was all right, and I confirmed it was and gave her an update. She said I should call her if I needed anything; otherwise she’d phone me again later in the week. Once I had cleared up in the kitchen I went through to the sitting room and made a note of Jade’s home address, which I then looked up on a map to make sure I knew where we were going. When Jade finally appeared I checked with her to make sure she had her front-door key, and she pulled it from her pocket, together with some loose change, her mobile phone, and some chewing gum and sweet wrappers.

‘Can I have a key to this house?’ she asked, as we picked up the case and I opened the front door.

‘Will you need one?’ I asked, uncertain if it was necessary.

‘Yeah, I’ll need one,’ she said. ‘Supposing we’re both out and I come back first. I won’t be able to get in.’

I nodded. I could see her point, although I couldn’t imagine she’d be out very often while she was so heavily pregnant. It was as much as she could do to get out of an armchair or go upstairs.

‘All right. I’ll get a key cut the next time I’m in town,’ I said.

‘We could go after we’ve been home and got me things,’ Jade said as we got into the car.

Perhaps I should have heard alarm bells ringing, telling me that Jade was a little too eager to obtain a front-door key, but I didn’t. I agreed we’d get a key cut after we’d been to her house, and I reversed the car off the driveway with Jade taking a call from Tyler, which continued throughout the thirty-minute journey and only stopped when we arrived on her estate and I asked her where I should park.

Jade carried the holdall and I carried the suitcase, as I followed her down the series of short walkways that linked the estate. It was a modern estate of low-rise social housing with pedestrian-only access to the fronts of the houses and flats. Jade’s house was in the middle of a terrace. There was a large communal green and the front door was like most of the others on the estate: the same style and painted a similar blue. I waited to one side as Jade unlocked the door and then I followed her into a small square hall, which was full of children’s outdoor toys. This led into the living room, the one main room downstairs, and it contained more toys, a long low sofa, a glass-topped coffee table, some bean bags and a large plasma-screen television. Although the room was full of children’s things, it was clean and as tidy as you were likely to make it with four young children. I felt a bit uncomfortable being in Jade’s home when her mother was out, as though I was snooping.

‘Come up with me,’ Jade said, crossing the room to the open-plan carpeted staircase that led off the far side. ‘You can help me get my things.’

I went over and began up the stairs behind her. We were about halfway up when Jade suddenly stopped and exclaimed: ‘Mum! What are you doing here?’

I looked up at the woman now standing at the top of the stairs, who was fastening her dressing-gown cord.

‘I could ask you the same,’ she said, beginning down the stairs.

‘I’ve come to get me things,’ Jade said tersely.

The stairs weren’t wide enough for us to pass, especially with the holdall and suitcase Jade and I were carrying, so I turned and went downstairs. Jade did the same and her mother followed us into the sitting room, where there was an awkward silence.

‘I’m Cathy, Jade’s foster carer,’ I said after a moment, smiling at Jackie.

‘Hello,’ she said. ‘Jackie. Jade’s mother.’

I knew from the placement forms that Jackie was in her mid-thirties; she was about five feet six inches tall with highlighted hair. She was an attractive woman even without make-up and I could see a strong family likeness to Jade.

‘Why aren’t you at work?’ Jade asked, quite rudely.

‘I had a migraine,’ Jackie said, touching her forehead.

‘Are you all right now?’ I asked, concerned, for she looked pale.

‘Not too bad,’ she said; then she added pointedly, looking at Jade: ‘Thanks for asking.’

‘Who took the kids to school?’ Jade asked, or rather demanded.

‘Me. Who else?’ Jackie retorted.

‘Are you alone?’ Jade said, glancing up the stairs. From which I assumed Jackie’s boyfriend stayed sometimes and Jade didn’t approve.

‘I said I was ill, didn’t I?’ Jackie snapped back.

‘It hasn’t stopped you before,’ Jade said, scathingly.

‘You little cow!’ Jackie flared. ‘How dare you criticize me! Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? At least your father married me!’

Jade flinched at this remark, which seemed to have continued from a previous argument. I had the feeling that Jade and Jackie viewed each other as equals rather than mother and daughter; there was an undercurrent of unhealthy rivalry in their exchange.

‘I’m going to get me things,’ Jade said. Grabbing both cases, she stormed off towards the stairs. ‘You coming?’ she demanded of me.

‘You go ahead,’ I said. ‘And make a start with the packing while I speak to your mother.’ Jade huffed and stomped off upstairs.

I wanted to try to establish a relationship with Jackie; and also going with Jade now could have appeared to Jackie I was siding with her daughter.

‘Don’t believe what she tells you about me!’ Jade shouted from upstairs. ‘She never wanted me! But don’t worry, I’m not coming back!’ We heard her bedroom door slam.

Jackie’s eyes immediately filled.

‘Are you all right?’ I asked gently, touching her arm.

She nodded and, taking a tissue from her dressing-gown pocket, blew her nose. ‘We’ve always clashed,’ she said, sitting on the sofa. ‘But it’s unbearable now. I did my best for her and what do I get in return? She ends up pregnant and hating me. After all the warnings and talks I’ve given her and she’s done exactly what I did.’ She gave a long, heartfelt sigh.

I sat on the sofa next to her, for clearly she wanted to tell me more.

‘I told Jade right at the start to have an abortion,’ Jackie continued. ‘But she wouldn’t. She called me a cold-hearted bitch. She says she wants to keep the baby, but I’ve been a teenage mum and it wasn’t easy and I had a husband. I can’t look after Jade and the baby. I barely cope as it is.’ Jackie blew her nose again as fresh tears fell.

‘Of course you can’t be expected to look after Jade and the baby,’ I said. ‘You’ve got enough bringing up your younger children. Now the social services are involved with Jade they’ll help. Your children are lovely,’ I said, glancing at the school photographs on the wall. ‘You’re doing a good job.’

‘Thanks,’ Jackie said, wiping her eyes. ‘I love Jade as I love my other kids, although she doesn’t think so now. I want to help her but I’m not in any position to. She can’t stay with you, can she?’

‘No. She’ll be with me until the social services find her a mother-and-baby placement. Then she’ll live there and be assessed to see if she can keep the baby.’

‘Then what’s she going to live on?’ Jackie said. ‘Babies are expensive and Ty’s not going to be able to support her. What sort of life will they have?’

I fully appreciated what Jackie meant: Jade’s life as a single parent – with no job and no support other than from state benefit – was going to be an existence rather than living. My first impression of Jackie – from the referral – had been that she was uncaring and irresponsible but that wasn’t so. She loved Jade, wanted what was best for her, but couldn’t offer much support as she was struggling to cope herself.

‘I know this sounds awful but part of me hopes Jade fails the parenting assessment,’ Jackie said, her brow furrowing. ‘Then the baby can be adopted into a nice home, and Jade can get on with her life. She was supposed to be staying on at school and taking A-levels. Did you know that?’

‘Yes.’ But while I could see Jackie had her daughter’s best interests at heart I knew that if she’d said any of this to Jade it would have caused an argument. ‘I think it’s best to take this a step at a time,’ I said. ‘At present I’m concentrating on making sure Jade has a good diet, enough sleep, and attends her antenatal appointments.’

‘Ty’s not staying with you, is he?’ Jackie asked. ‘Rachel said he wasn’t allowed to, but I know how persuasive Jade can be.’

‘No. The placement is for Jade only,’ I confirmed. ‘Tyler can visit; he was with us yesterday evening. But we’ve agreed he has to leave at eight o’clock.’

Jackie nodded and looked thoughtful. ‘I let him stay here,’ she said. ‘I thought that as they were going to do it anyway it might as well be here rather than in a park or down an alleyway. I told Jade to go to the clinic for contraceptive advice but she couldn’t have done, could she? I won’t be making the same mistake with my younger kids. They won’t be having their boyfriends staying, but I’ve always given in to Jade. With her being the eldest, we’ve been more like sisters or friends than mother and daughter. I guess I liked that but it hasn’t done her any good.’

‘It’s difficult being a parent,’ I offered gently. ‘We have to make all sorts of decisions, and we learn as we go along. It’s only with hindsight that we know if we made the right decision.’

‘You can say that again!’ Jackie sighed. ‘And I’ve learnt a lot from bringing up Jade.’

I felt for Jackie and I thought she and Jade should really make it up. They needed each other more than ever now. I also felt that I’d spent long enough with Jackie and I should now go upstairs and help Jade, who would doubtless be feeling neglected and that I was talking to her mother about her. ‘Shall we both go up and give Jade a hand packing?’ I suggested.

Jackie shrugged, just as Jade did sometimes. ‘She won’t want me,’ she said despondently.

‘Let’s go and try,’ I encouraged. ‘She’s had time to cool off and you don’t want to part like this, with harsh words spoken.’

Jackie wasn’t convinced but she got off the sofa and I threw her a reassuring smile. We crossed to the foot of the staircase and I followed her up. At the top we turned right and Jackie knocked on Jade’s closed bedroom door. ‘Can we come in?’ she asked quietly.

There was no reply.

I nodded an encouragement to Jackie. She knocked again and we went in. Jade was standing by her bed, stuffing handfuls of clothes into the suitcase. She didn’t look up but I had the feeling that some of her anger had gone. Jackie clearly felt so too, for going over she said: ‘Here, let me help you with that or it’ll all need ironing.’

Jade moved away to allow her mother to pack the clothes that were strewn all over the bed, and took some more of her belongings from a drawer. I saw she had a framed photograph of her family by her bedside and I suggested she might like to bring that. Jade nodded and Jackie packed it. Satisfied that mother and daughter could be left together and thinking they needed some time alone, I went downstairs. I sat on the sofa and after a while I could hear their hushed voices, not arguing but talking, although I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Fifteen minutes later they reappeared, Jade carrying the now bulging holdall and Jackie the suitcase. I stood as Jackie set the case by my side, and she turned to say goodbye to her daughter.

‘I’ll give you a ring, love,’ she said.

Jade nodded. I could tell from Jade’s expression that she’d partly forgiven her mother but wasn’t ready to relinquish all her grievances yet.

‘I’ve told her not to worry about the kids,’ Jackie said, looking at me. ‘Margaret, next door, is going to help me out for now. She’s in her late sixties but the kids respect her. I’ll see if I can get my hours at work changed.’

I smiled at Jackie and then looked at Jade, who wore a blank non-committal expression. Jackie slipped her arms around her daughter and hugged her, and while Jade allowed the hug she didn’t return it. I threw Jackie a reassuring smile, we said goodbye and she saw us out. As we made our way back along the walkways to the car I thought that while Jade and Jackie’s relationship wasn’t completely healed, it was a lot better than when we’d arrived and I was pleased. I was also pleased I’d had the opportunity of meeting and talking to Jackie, and it had given me a better understanding of Jade and her life before coming into care.

‘Well done,’ I said to Jade as I opened the car boot to load the cases. ‘You did well. Life’s too short to be angry and you know your mother loves you a lot.’

Jade gave a small shrug just as her mother had; indeed they shared many characteristics and mannerisms, which seemed to emphasize how close they’d once been, and I hoped they would be again.

As soon as we were in the car Jade said: ‘Are we going to town now?’

I looked at her, puzzled. ‘Why?’

‘To get the key cut for your house. You remember, you promised.’

‘Oh, yes. It slipped my mind.’

And again I should have heard alarm bells ringing at the urgency in Jade’s request, but I didn’t.

Chapter Seven
Testing Boundaries

That afternoon, after we’d returned home from town and as soon as Jade had finished her lunch, she said she was going out.

‘Oh, really?’ I asked, surprised, thinking she’d want a rest after her busy morning. ‘Where are you going?’

‘To a friend’s,’ she said. She left the table and went into the hall.

‘Does she live far away? How will you get home?’ I called, mindful that Jade’s friends were likely to live close to where she had – on the other side of the county.

‘Not very far away,’ Jade called evasively. Then I thought I heard the front door quietly open and close, so I left the table and went into the hall where, sure enough, I found Jade’s shoes and coat were missing and she had gone.

I was a little hurt by Jade’s abruptness. I’d only wanted to make sure she was safe and had enough money for the bus fare home. I would also have liked to confirm a coming-home time, as it was dark by 4.30 p.m. in winter. However, I was aware that teenagers don’t like to be questioned, so I just assumed she’d be home in plenty of time for dinner, which she knew was at about six o’clock. I got on with some housework and also took the bag containing the maternity clothes I’d bought for Jade that morning up to her room, where I found her bed still unmade and the cases unpacked. She was supposed to have been unpacking them while I’d been making lunch. I left them where they were for Jade to do later when she came home.

An hour passed and then Rachel phoned to ask how Jade was settling in. I told her Jade was fine; that we’d collected her belongings from home and I’d had a chance to talk to Jackie. I said that Jade and her mother were now on better terms, and that after we’d left we’d been into town to go shopping and I’d also had a key cut for her.

‘So Jade’s out now?’ Rachel said.

‘Yes, she’s gone to see a friend.’

‘Did she say who?’

‘No.’

‘OK. I’ll phone later. What time is she due back?’ It’s usual for the child’s social worker to speak to the child within a day or so of the child being placed with a foster carer.

‘I’m assuming she’ll be home by dinnertime, which is six o’clock.’

‘All right, I’ll phone later or tomorrow.’

We said goodbye and I replaced the phone, feeling I should have been able to give Rachel more positive answers as to where Jade was and what time she’d be back. I knew that the next time Jade went out I needed to make sure I knew exactly where she was going and what time she’d be back, although that would be difficult if she just slipped out as she had done today. There wasn’t the same problem with younger children, as you always knew where they were and what they were doing. I knew I was on a sharp learning curve when it came to fostering a teenager.

When I collected Paula from school, the first thing she said was that she was looking forward to playing with Jade. I had to tell her that Jade wasn’t in right now but I was sure she would be back very soon.

‘Good,’ Paula said. ‘I want her to play with my dolls’ house with me.’

I smiled and thought that Jade might even be home by the time Paula and I arrived, but she wasn’t. And when Adrian came home half an hour later there was still no sign of her. Although it wasn’t late it was soon dark and I began making dinner, while listening for the sound of Jade’s key in the front door. I should have asked her for her mobile number before she’d gone out so that I could have at least phoned her and confirmed a coming-home time and that she was safe.

It was then I had a sudden flash of inspiration – a ‘light-bulb’ moment: I realized that Jade’s mobile number might have been included on the essential information forms. Leaving the preparation of dinner, I went into the sitting room and checked the forms in my fostering folder, but Jade’s mobile number wasn’t included, only those of her mother and the social worker. I wondered if Rachel had Jade’s mobile number; I would ask her when she phoned back later, but given she’d been trying to contact Jade on my landline I thought it wasn’t likely.

But Rachel didn’t phone back that evening, and as we sat down to dinner, without Jade, I was starting to feel really worried and also a little angry: with myself for not asking Jade for a coming-home time or her mobile number, and with Jade for just going out without telling me. I hid my anxiety from Adrian and Paula and said simply that Jade was at a friend’s and would be home later.

‘But she’s missing dinner,’ Paula said, worried.

‘I’ll save her some,’ I said.

Halfway through dinner the doorbell rang. Clearly it wasn’t Jade, as she had a key, so I thought it was probably a salesperson on another ill-timed visit. But as with any unexpected caller it crossed my mind it might be the police with bad news, so I left my dinner and answered the door.

‘Oh, Meryl,’ I said, surprised. ‘Hello.’

‘I hope it’s not inconvenient,’ she said. ‘I just wanted to say hi to Jade and see how she’s doing.’

‘She’s not here at present,’ I said. ‘Although she’s fine. She’s at a friend’s house.’ I didn’t ask Meryl in, as there didn’t seem any point. Jade wasn’t here and we were in the middle of dinner.

‘But she’s doing all right?’ Meryl asked.

‘Yes. We’ve been home and collected some of her belongings, and I met her mother. Perhaps you’d like to call round another evening?’

‘Yes, please. Some of the staff and Jade’s friends at school have been asking after her. I don’t want Jade to think we’ve forgotten her. I’ll call round later in the week, if that’s OK?’

‘Yes. Sure.’ Then I had another light-bulb moment. ‘I don’t suppose you have Jade’s mobile number? It should have been included in the paperwork but it wasn’t.’

Meryl nodded. ‘Yes, I do,’ she said, taking her mobile from her coat pocket.

‘Great.’ I wrote the number she read out on the notepad I kept by the phone in the hall. ‘Thanks very much,’ I said, relieved. ‘I hope you don’t mind if I don’t ask you in tonight but we’re just having dinner.’

Meryl smiled. ‘I’m sorry. I seem to be making a habit of that. Shall I call round a little later next time?’

‘Yes, please. After six thirty is usually good for us.’

‘See you soon, then,’ she said, and we said goodbye.

As soon as I’d closed the front door I keyed Jade’s number into the phone. Disappointingly the call went straight through to her voicemail, so I left a message: ‘Hi Jade, it’s Cathy. I hope you’re having a nice time with your friend. Could you give me a ring and let me know what time you’ll be home? My number is –’ For it occurred to me that she might not know my number; she hadn’t asked for it and I hadn’t thought to tell her.

I’d purposely kept my message short and light, as I didn’t want to sound the heavy parent/carer. But an hour later when Jade still hadn’t returned my call I was really worried and phoned her mobile again. It went straight through to her voicemail and this time my message was firmer: ‘Jade, it’s Cathy again. It’s seven o’clock and I need to know where you are, and what time you’ll be home. I thought you’d be back by now. Please phone straightaway. I’m worried.’

I returned to the sitting room, where Adrian and Paula were, and hid my anxiety. But they too were becoming worried. ‘It’s very dark,’ Paula said. ‘Where is Jade?’ They both looked at me.

‘She’s a big girl,’ I reassured them. ‘She’ll be home soon.’

When it was Paula’s bedtime I helped her with her bath and then saw her into bed, but as I read her bedtime story my heart wasn’t in it. It was now 7.30 and there’d been no word from Jade; I knew I needed to take further action. Although I would feel a complete fool and an incompetent foster carer reporting Jade missing when she had only been with me two days, I knew that’s what I had to do. As soon as I’d finished reading and had kissed Paula goodnight I went downstairs and to the phone in the sitting room. Adrian was at the kitchen table finishing some homework. I dialled Homefinders’ number and it was answered almost immediately by Michael, one of the agency’s social workers, who was on duty and taking emergency calls. I quickly explained the situation.

‘It’s not your fault,’ he said. ‘Try not to worry. I’m sure Jade’s OK. It’s typical teenager behaviour. This is what you do: phone Jade’s mobile one last time and if she doesn’t answer, which I don’t think she will, leave a message saying that if she doesn’t phone you within five minutes you’ll have to report her missing to the police. Say that you’re worried and she’s behaving irresponsibly, especially as she is pregnant and hoping for a positive parenting assessment. She should get the message.’

It seemed harsh but I knew that Michael, like Jill, was a highly experienced social worker whose advice I should follow.

‘And if Jade does answer her phone I’ll tell her to come home straightaway?’ I confirmed.

‘Yes, but put a time limit on it. Teenagers work on a different time scale to adults. Tell her she has to be back in half an hour or else you will have no alternative but to call the police and start a missing person.’

‘Thanks for your help, Michael,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry to have troubled you.’

‘No worries. That’s what we’re here for. Give me a ring back either way.’

Having ended the call to Homefinders I keyed in the number to Jade’s mobile, but as before the call went straight through to her voicemail. I left the message Michael had suggested and then replaced the receiver, hoping that contacting the police wouldn’t be necessary. I had just enough time to go through to the kitchen and check if Adrian needed any help with his homework when the phone rang. I returned to the sitting room, picked up the phone, and was relieved to hear Jade’s voice.

‘Hi, got your message,’ she said casually. ‘I’ll be back soon.’

‘Jade, I’ve been really worried about you,’ I said. ‘I phoned three times. Why didn’t you return my calls?’

‘I had me phone off. I’ve only just checked it.’ Which may have been true, although it was a bit of a coincidence that she’d thought to check her phone a minute after I’d left my last message. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

‘OK. Where are you, love?’ I asked. ‘It’s dark now and getting late.’

I heard her sigh. ‘I’m at Ty’s,’ she said, irritated by being questioned.

‘How are you getting home?’

‘Bus. Same as always.’

I didn’t like the idea of a young girl riding a bus alone in the dark, but there wasn’t much I could do – I couldn’t collect her in the car, as Paula was asleep – and from what Jade had said she was used to using the buses alone at night. However, following Michael’s advice, I said: ‘Jade, I want you here in half an hour, love. No later. Do you understand? Otherwise I’ll have no choice but to start a missing person.’

‘Fine!’ she snapped. And cut the call.

I replaced the receiver and sat for a moment, feeling a little hurt, but aware I was going to have to become ‘thick-skinned’ and be firm with Jade. Her mother had made the mistake of being a chum to her rather than a parent and I thought Jade now resented me stepping into the role of parent and telling her what to do, even if it was for her own good and ultimately for the good of her baby too.

Forty minutes later, as I sat in the sitting room with the television on low and when Adrian was in bed, I heard the key go in the front door. Relieved, I went into the hall as Jade let herself in and closed the door behind her.

‘I’m pleased you’re back, love,’ I said. ‘Isn’t it cold out?’

Jade shrugged and was about to go straight up to her room. ‘Jade, before you go to bed can we have a little chat, please?’

‘Can’t it wait?’ she sighed, irritated. ‘I’m tired.’

‘It will only take five minutes. Have you eaten?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Let’s go and sit down and have a chat,’ I said, and I went down the hall.

With another sigh Jade reluctantly followed me into the sitting room and then sat in the chair furthest away from me. I knew I must make sure my approach was not threatening or accusatory. I smiled and in a calm, even voice I explained that I’d been worried about her, not knowing where she was, as I would have been about any young person I was looking after. I said that in future, for her own safety, I needed to know where she was going, how she was getting home and what time she would be back, which seemed reasonable to me.

‘I’m not a kid,’ Jade said huffily.

‘I know you’re not, love, but at seventeen you’re still a minor and while you’re with me I’m responsible for you. Apart from which I need to know you’re safe or I’ll worry about you. It’s what parents and carers do.’

‘Mum didn’t worry,’ she said moodily.

‘I’m sure she did,’ I said. ‘In her own way.’ Although of course boundaries are a sign of caring and Jackie had admitted she hadn’t put in place enough boundaries with Jade.

I looked at Jade, perched on the edge of the chair and eager to be away. I wasn’t convinced she was receptive to what I was saying, so I upped it a little. ‘Jade, when you didn’t come home or return my calls I phoned my fostering agency for some advice. The social worker there said that soon the social services will be starting an assessment of you, to see if you are responsible enough to keep your baby. You need to make sure you behave responsibly or it won’t look good.’

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