‘What are you going to do?’ she asked.

Richard pushed himself up and away, and stood regarding her for a moment. He said, with a touch of bitterness, ‘You surely don’t really believe I’m about to join you in that bed and make love to you, do you?’

‘You…you said we were man and w…wife,’ she replied nervously.

‘My dear girl, I don’t regard myself as particularly squeamish, but it would take a stronger stomach than mine to make love to a wife who has just threatened to kill me. What do you think I’m made of?’

Lexi gazed at him somberly. ‘I don’t know,’ she said eventually. ‘I thought I did, but I was mistaken. For a while I longed for you to make love to me, I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted more, but now I think I would kill myself if you even tried.’

Richard moved away abruptly and went to the window. He turned round. ‘We have an agreement. Are you prepared to discuss it with me?’

‘It appears I have no choice.’

Praise for Sylvia Andrew

A VERY UNUSUAL GOVERNESS

“…a lovely story which brings to mind the traditional

regencies…gentle…. Not to be missed!”

—Rakehell

The Bridegroom’s Bargain
Sylvia Andrew

www.millsandboon.co.uk

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter One

October 1815

‘D early beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation…’

A shaft of autumn sunshine shone low through St Wulfric’s ancient stained glass and rested on Canon Harmond as he spoke these opening words of the marriage service. It coloured his surplice and halo of white hair with rich blues and greens, reds and golds. He could have just stepped down from the gathering of saints in the west window.

The sunshine rested on the bridegroom, too, but he certainly didn’t look as if he belonged to any gathering of saints. Tall, standing as usual with an air of cool arrogance about him, Richard Deverell was very much a man of this world. In his black coat and close-fitting pantaloons, both obviously made by a master tailor, in his starched cravat, snowy linen and white silk waistcoat, he looked what he was, a member of one of the most exclusive and worldly societies in Europe—the English aristocracy.

But the strength in his broad shoulders and lithe, athletic figure owed more to four years spent fighting the French than to dancing the waltz in London’s ballrooms. His tanned features and the small lines round his cool grey eyes were the result of long days spent in the saddle under the Spanish sun, and the scar on his cheek was a reminder of a very narrow escape at Waterloo. But then Richard Deverell was said to have the luck of the devil, and certainly his success at cards and other games of chance was legendary.

From her vantage point in the Deverell family pew the bridegroom’s aunt, Lady Honoria Standish, viewed the congregation with a critical eye. Not a single member of the ton to be seen. She doubted any had been invited. With the bride’s father barely in his grave it could hardly have been otherwise. Still, it was a pity. Richard’s wedding ought to have been more impressive than this shabby affair.

‘First, it was ordained for the procreation of children…’

That was more like it. It would be quite pleasant to have some children at Channings again. The place had been like a tomb for too long. It was high time Richard produced some heirs, too—the Deverell estates couldn’t be allowed to go to some obscure cousin or other. She eyed her nephew and nodded. This marriage would put an end to any fears of that sort! Alexandra Rawdon came of good healthy stock and Richard was in his prime. Few women would find themselves able to resist him—it wasn’t at all surprising that the Rawdon girl had been eager to marry him.

Lady Honoria frowned. But why had Richard chosen Lexi Rawdon of all people? She was attractive enough, but Lady Honoria knew of several real beauties—girls of elegance and wealth as well as breeding—who would have given their eyebrows to have become Lady Deverell. Any one of them would have made a more suitable chatelaine for an estate the size and importance of Channings than Alexandra Rawdon. The girl had always been an impulsive, high-spirited harum-scarum, more interested in roaming the countryside, keeping up with whatever her brother Johnny and Richard were doing, rather than sitting at home learning to be a lady.

As a boy, it was true, Richard had spent most of his time with the Rawdons. He and Johnny Rawdon had been the closest of friends, and Sir Jeremy and Lady Rawdon had always treated him as one of their own, giving him the love and affection he had never found in his own home. Was he marrying their daughter out of a sense of obligation to them? She was now quite alone in the world. She had lost her mother a few years ago, Johnny Rawdon had died tragically earlier in the year, and now Sir Jeremy was dead, too. Was this the reason Richard was marrying her?

Lady Honoria turned her attention to the bride. Alexandra Rawdon bore herself well enough—tall, slender, straight as a wand in her white silk dress, her mane of bright copper hair kept in check by her veil and hat. But surely Richard could have hoped for a more radiant bride. It was clear that the events of the past few months had taken their toll. The girl standing beside her nephew was as stiff as a board, and far too thin. Lady Honoria sighed. She had suggested that the wedding should be postponed, but Richard had been adamant—it could be as quiet as anyone chose, but it was to go ahead as planned. He was probably right. Rawdons had owned Rawdon Hall since the days of the Tudors, but Alexandra and her cousin, Mark Rawdon, were the last of them, and Mark, or Sir Mark as he was now, was still a comparative stranger.

Sir Mark must be relieved to have Lexi taken off his hands. Her old home had now passed into his possession, and, even though the cousins seemed to get on well, they could hardly have carried on living there together for very much longer with only an old nurse to chaperon them. He couldn’t have married her himself, even if he had wanted to. Though it was hard to believe, rumour had it that the heir to Rawdon would have to marry a girl with a decent fortune if Rawdon Hall was to be saved.

She turned her attention to the young man standing on the other side of his cousin, ready to give her away. Sir Mark Rawdon. Now there was an open, good-natured fellow—nothing enigmatic about him. Lady Honoria had already experienced the charm of his frank smile and laughing eyes, and thoroughly approved of him. In his own way he was as handsome as Richard, and he was much better looking than his cousin Alexandra, if the truth were known. They both had the highly distinctive Rawdon looks, though Mark Rawdon’s hair was a touch darker. He was very presentably dressed in a dark green coat and buff pantaloons, and his short chestnut locks, brushed into careless elegance, glowed in the shaft of sunlight.

‘Richard Anthony, wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife… Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health…’

Lady Honoria’s wandering attention was caught as the couple started to make their vows. Those solemn promises in Richard’s deep voice sounded as beautiful as she had ever heard them: ‘To have and to hold…in sickness and in health…till death us do part…’

She listened with a rare smile on her face as Richard finished the lovely old words and it was Alexandra’s turn. Her voice was clear enough, but it sounded…forced. What was wrong with her? She ought to be beside herself with joy. After all, she was marrying the best catch in the county! In England!

‘For better, for worse…for richer, for poorer…to love—’ The voice broke off abruptly, then went on: ‘To love, cherish, and to obey, till death—’ There was another abrupt halt, and this time the pause was longer. When she began again her voice was harsh as she repeated, ‘Till death us do part…’

Richard had heard the sounds of strain. He put his arm round her and pulled her gently towards him as he made his final promise. ‘With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow…’

Lady Honoria nodded. Richard had far more than his fair share of worldly goods—he was disgustingly rich. And though he might not wear his heart on his sleeve, as the saying went, he would look after his wife. All in all, Alexandra Rawdon was a very lucky girl.

When Canon Harmond began his homily she settled herself back against the cushions—the Deverells always made sure they were comfortable in church—and got ready to look as if she was listening. It was always the same speech, and usually quite short. In a minute or two they would all go into the vestry for a few signatures and the rest, and all would be done. Except for the lack of display, it had been a perfectly conventional wedding. And Richard would settle down at last to a peaceful family life at Channings. She closed her eyes…

Lady Honoria was not the only person present who was failing to give Canon Harmond the attention he deserved. The bride’s nerves were as taut as a violin string as she waited for the end of the service. It wouldn’t be long now. Soon they would go into the vestry for the last signatures, the delivery of the last documents and then…and then it would all be over.

Only dimly aware of Canon Harmond leading the way ahead of them, and Mark and Lady Honoria following behind, Alexandra felt Richard’s hand on her elbow, escorting her out of the church and into the vestry. Once inside the little room she allowed herself be drawn to the table, where the lawyer sat with papers spread before him. She signed where he told her, then took a step back. Her head and her heart were pounding so hard she felt she might explode. She took off her hat and veil to relieve some of the pressure, and put them down on the table near the all-important document. Her wedding gift from Richard.

‘Alexandra? What’s wrong? Aren’t you interested in the gift I promised you?’ Richard was smiling at her.

Bile rose in her throat, but she forced it down and made herself smile in return. ‘Of course!’ she said. ‘Is it ready?’

‘I think so. Mr Underhill?’

The lawyer cleared his throat. His manner was disapproving, but he said clearly enough, ‘I have here a deed drawn up in favour of Sir Mark Satterly Rawdon, of Rawdon Hall in the county of Somerset. Put briefly, it returns in full everything formerly belonging to the Rawdon Hall estate that was acquired during the past three months by Lord Deverell from Lady Deverell’s father, the late Sir Jeremy Rawdon. The lands and monies are detailed below…’ He looked up. ‘The list is quite a long one.’

Ignoring the exclamations of wonder and surprise from Lady Honoria and the Canon, the lawyer took off his pince-nez. ‘An extraordinary document. I can say with confidence that I have never known anything like it. Lord Deverell has been outstandingly generous! Do you wish me to read out the list, Lady Deverell?’

‘No,’ said Lexi tonelessly. ‘I accept that it is as we planned.’

‘Ah! We have inserted one clause, which I should perhaps point out to you,’ said the lawyer.

Lexi was instantly alert. ‘What is it?’ she asked.

‘That should Sir Mark predecease you or Lord Deverell without issue, the contents of this deed of gift will not form part of his estate, but will revert to your husband.’

A curious smile passed fleetingly over Lexi’s face. ‘I have no objection to that. By all means leave the clause in. May I have the deed?’

Richard took the bundle of papers from the lawyer before it reached Lexi’s hand. ‘Are you sure you want this, Alexandra? It’s a strange sort of wedding present—there’s nothing in it for you.’

‘There is everything there for me! It makes Rawdon safe for the future. That was what my father would have wanted,’ she said tightly. ‘May I have it?’

‘Don’t you think I deserve a reward first?’ he said with a smile. ‘A kiss from my wife, perhaps?’

Lexi felt a surge of panic-stricken revulsion. ‘No!’ she exclaimed.

She looked round at the shocked silence that followed her cry. ‘N…not yet,’ she faltered. ‘Let me give this to Mark first.’

Richard’s eyes narrowed. ‘Very well,’ he said. ‘But I think we can dispense with Mr Underhill. He has done his bit.’ With a brief nod and a word of thanks he dismissed the lawyer. Then he raised Lexi’s hand to his lips before putting the document into it.

Lexi had been waiting with every sign of impatience. Now she snatched her hand away and thrust the deed into her cousin’s hands. ‘Take it!’ she said fiercely. ‘And look after Rawdon. Our family has lived at the Hall for centuries. You’re the last of them, and it’s up to you to see that it carries on. It’s all perfectly, legally, yours, and, now that its lands have been restored, it has the means to survive.’

‘Lexi, I don’t know what to say—’

‘Don’t say anything. Take it! And stand back!’

She turned to the shelves behind her, and when she faced the room again she was holding a pistol in her hand. ‘All of you stand back!’ The pistol was pointing at Richard. There was a moment of stunned astonishment.

Then Lady Honoria exclaimed, ‘Alexandra! What do you think you’re doing? Is this a joke? It’s in extremely poor taste if it is. Put that thing down at once!’

‘Oh, no! Not till I’ve done what I’ve sworn to do.’ Her eye caught a movement. ‘I warn you all. If anyone moves, I shall shoot Deverell straight away. And I won’t miss.’

Richard spoke for the first time. He was slightly pale, but perfectly self-possessed, and his eyes never left his bride’s face. ‘I think I can vouch for that,’ he said calmly. ‘Alexandra is a first-class shot, I taught her myself. But I’d quite like to know why she thinks she wants to shoot me. Alexandra?’

‘You need to ask? You’re a coward! A villainous coward! You killed my brother, and you ruined my father. Isn’t that enough?’

A gasp went up at these words. Lady Honoria uttered a shocked protest, and Canon Harmond, looking bewildered, said,

‘I don’t understand. Why are you saying such terrible things, Alexandra? Lord Deverell has just made you his wife! Poor child, you don’t know what you’re doing. It has all been too much for you. Give that weapon to me.’ He took a step forward.

Lexi’s command stopped him. ‘Stand back! I’m quite aware of what I’m doing. Stand back! I swear I will shoot Deverell before you can reach me.’

‘Richard, this is disgraceful behaviour! I’ve never known anything like it! Stop her, why don’t you?’ said Lady Honoria, outraged.

Without taking his eyes off his wife, Richard said, ‘There’s nothing I’d like more, Aunt Honoria, but I’m not quite sure how.’ He was now very pale, but remained cool. ‘But I am sure that it’s no joke. She means what she says.’ His voice changed as he spoke. ‘These are very serious accusations, Alexandra. Do you really believe them? They can’t possibly be justified, you know.’

‘Oh, indeed they can! I have all the evidence I need for that! And now Rawdon is safe, I intend to make you pay for what you’ve done.’

Lady Honoria turned to Mark Rawdon. ‘Sir Mark!’ she said forcefully. ‘Haven’t you any influence with her? Say something! Do something! I can’t believe she seriously means to shoot anybody, but pointing a gun like that is dangerous. Tell her to stop acting like a fool, to put it down. Make her listen to you!’

‘Don’t do it, Lexi!’ said her cousin. ‘You’ve got what you wanted—Rawdon will survive. Surely you don’t need to do anything as mad as this? It’s not necessary any more.’

‘It is! It’s more necessary than ever. He’s my husband, Mark! Do you imagine I could live with such a villain?’ She lifted the pistol, and the tension in the little room rose again.

‘Wait, Alexandra! Wait!’ Richard spoke urgently, but still without fear. ‘Give me just one moment. As the condemned man I could surely be allowed one moment to put my case.’

‘To plead your innocence, perhaps?’ Lexi’s lip curled.

‘Yes, dammit! I am innocent!’

‘You did not shoot my brother?’

‘No, I did not!’

Lexi went on relentlessly, ‘You did not play cards with my father? Gamble with him? You did not win everything he owned? Ruin him?’

Richard hesitated. ‘He was ruined before I began the game, but, yes, I did play him for what…what was left. And I won.’ Lexi gave a sob and her hand tightened round the pistol. Lady Honoria and the Canon both made a movement of protest.

‘Keep still, all of you!’ Richard spoke sharply. ‘I absolutely forbid anyone to interfere! This is between Alexandra and myself.’ He held Lexi’s eye as he went on deliberately, ‘I did what I had to about your father. I wanted to save him, not ruin him. If he had not died so suddenly, I would have proved it. To him, and, if necessary, to you.’

‘Not very convincing! I made you return my father’s lands to Mark. If I hadn’t, they would now all be yours, swallowed up in the Channings estate. Rawdon wouldn’t exist any more.’ Her voice rose angrily. ‘Good God, Deverell! What sort of man are you? Wasn’t Channings big enough for you? Did you have to take Rawdon as well?’

With a touch of steel in his voice, Richard said, ‘You didn’t make me give anything back, Alexandra. It was all freely given as a wedding present to you. You chose to pass it on to your cousin.’

‘Not so freely! I had to marry you to get it!’

‘Are you saying you wouldn’t have married me otherwise? I find that hard to believe. You seemed willing enough when I asked you.’

‘That was before—’ She stopped and swallowed. ‘Before I found out what you’d done. After that, nothing but the thought of saving Rawdon could have reconciled me to it.’

If possible, Richard grew even paler. ‘I…see…’ Then, after a pause, he went on, ‘But, as you have said, Rawdon is saved. Whatever I did or didn’t do, surely it’s been put right again?’

‘Put right again? You drove my father to his death! And there’s still my brother to be paid for!’

‘I’ve told you,’ Richard said steadily, ‘Johnny’s death was an accident.’

‘Oh, I could believe that! But accidentally or not, you shot him, Deverell, though you told everyone he had shot himself. Why else would you have tried to cover it up afterwards? You are a liar and a coward, Richard Deverell. I know that, even if the world doesn’t.’

Richard grew white about the lips, and Lexi held the gun up more threateningly as he took an involuntary step forward.

Lady Honoria shrieked, ‘No! No! Please God, no!’

After a momentary pause her nephew was once again cool as he said, ‘If that was true, I would deserve everything you say of me. But it isn’t. I wasn’t even there when Johnny died. If I had been, it—’ He stopped for a moment, showing for the first time a hint of strong emotion. His jaw tightened, then he went on, ‘If I had been there it wouldn’t have happened. I’d have saved him. But he was alone when he died.’

His voice carried conviction, and for the first time Lexi hesitated. But after a moment her confidence returned and she said flatly, ‘I have proof. Very good proof.’

‘Then show me! Come, Alexandra, where’s your sense of justice? Tried, convicted and condemned, all in one breath? Is that to be my fate?’

The pistol did not waver, though Lexi’s voice rose in despair. ‘I loved you, Richard! My father loved you. Johnny was your friend. And you betrayed us all! You lied and cheated people who had trusted you all their lives! You don’t deserve to live.’

Richard’s voice was still measured, still calm. He said drily, ‘My dear girl, try for once to think of the consequences before you act! At the moment you are convinced of my guilt. But what if you’re wrong? Suppose, just suppose, you shot me now, and discovered later that I was innocent after all. How would you feel?’

Lady Honoria broke her silence. ‘Of course you are innocent, Richard! How can you treat this so calmly? Look at her! She does mean what she says! The girl has gone mad!’ Her elderly voice trembled as she pleaded, ‘Alexandra, you can’t do this! You mustn’t shoot Richard, he’s a good man. He’s certainly been more than good to you! He wouldn’t lie to you, nor anyone else. Your brother’s death was an accident—we all know that. The army said so. And Richard says he wasn’t even there when it happened, so how could he have had anything to do with it? As for your father—’

Lexi wasn’t listening. She stood, her burning eyes fixed on Richard, holding the pistol in an unwavering hand. Richard intervened. Still not taking his eyes off his wife he said, ‘Thank you, Aunt Honoria! I don’t think you’ll manage to convince my bride I’m not a villain. She’s so certain of it that she won’t even hear any arguments in my defence. But perhaps she’ll listen to this.’ Holding Lexi’s eyes, he went on, ‘Alexandra, I agree that there has been some villainy at work against the Rawdon family. When your father died I thought there would be an end to it. It seems I was wrong. Shooting me won’t solve the problem, I assure you. I am not the man responsible. But, if you give me time, I’ll find out who was.’

‘There wasn’t anyone else, Deverell!’

‘I swear there was!’ Richard’s quiet insistence had some effect, and as Lexi still hesitated he went on, ‘Look, I’ll make you an offer. Show me what you have by way of proof. Tell me why you are so convinced that I betrayed my best friend and all his family—people—’ He stopped, then went on, ‘People who had meant so much to me. Then give me six months. Six months to prove you wrong about Johnny’s accident. Six months to find out who or what ruined your father.’

‘That at least was you! You’ve already confessed.’

‘No, I did not. You weren’t listening properly. I did my best to stop the damage and failed. Let me prove to you that I’m telling the truth. I’ll make a bargain with you. Put your gun away. If, at the end of six months, I can’t prove everything to your satisfaction—whatever it is—I’ll save you the bother of shooting me. I’ll do it for you, I swear.’

Canon Harmond and Lady Honoria spoke together. ‘Lord Deverell, you must not make such a rash promise!’

‘Richard!’ Lady Honoria was scandalised. ‘Have you gone mad, too?’

Neither interruption was heard as Lexi stared at Richard.

‘I give you my word,’ he repeated.

‘The word of a liar and a coward?’ she said scornfully. ‘How could I possibly accept that?’

‘More confidently than I can accept yours, apparently,’ he replied. ‘Haven’t you just sworn to love, cherish and to obey me? Or was that somebody else standing beside me at the altar?’

‘I swore to love you till death parted us, Richard.’

‘Ah! Quite. I see. And that made it all right?’ He pulled a face, then straightened up and gave her a coolly challenging look. ‘So, what is it to be, Alexandra? A bullet now, or in six months’ time?’

Canon Harmond cleared his throat. ‘Lord Deverell, I refuse to stand by while such a dreadful bargain is made.’

‘Harmond, can’t you see she won’t accept anything less?’ Richard said impatiently. ‘Don’t make it impossible for her to compromise!’

Canon Harmond stopped short. After a moment he sighed, shook his head and turned to Lexi. ‘Lady Deverell, I cannot approve of what your husband has promised, but if it prevents what would be an act of cold-blooded murder then I must ask you to accept it. My child, you are putting not only the lives of your husband and yourself in danger, but you run the risk of damaging your immortal soul. Give me the pistol, Lady Deverell!’

Lexi looked at them all, her eyes huge with anguish. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said. ‘I don’t know! I don’t want to kill anyone. I never thought I would have to… I never wanted this… But when I found out how he had lied to me…what he had done…I only knew I had to avenge my family somehow….’ She gave Richard an agonised stare. ‘You’ll swear? Before everyone here? On your honour?’

‘I swear on my honour.’

‘Very well. I accept.’ The pistol was lowered and an audible sigh of relief went through the room as she put it down on the table. As Canon Harmond picked it up she stared at it and gave a shuddering sigh. Her hair stood out like a flame against a face that was as white as her dress. She put her hands to her throat and started to sway… Richard caught her as she fell.

No one else moved for a moment, then Lady Honoria demanded, ‘What are you going to do, Richard? What in God’s name are you going to do with the girl? If you ask me, she’d be better off in the nearest madhouse. You’ll have to send her back to Rawdon!’

Holding the unconscious Lexi in his arms, Richard raised his eyebrows at his aunt. ‘Why should you even think of such a thing, Aunt Honoria? My wife will naturally come with me to Channings. Rawdon, would you be kind enough to find my groom? I want the carriage brought round to the side door immediately. Lady Deverell has been taken ill.’ He cast a glance at the others. ‘And that is all anyone outside this room needs to know.’

He held their eyes until they all signalled their agreement. Then he nodded to Sir Mark, who went out to find Lord Deverell’s groom.

Chapter Two

T wo days later Lexi opened her eyes and slowly turned her head. She was in bed, in a room that was quite strange to her, large, luxuriously furnished, with two windows on one side. A collection of bottles and powders was on the table beside the bed, together with a glass and a carafe of water. Beside them was a vase of roses. A bowl of autumn flowers and leaves stood on a handsome chest of drawers between the windows. Lady Honoria was sitting to one side of the window nearer the bed, but when she saw signs of movement she came over.

‘So!’ she said. ‘You’re awake at last.’

‘Where am I?’ Lexi’s voice was a mere thread of sound.

‘Have some water.’ Lady Honoria held a glass to Lexi’s lips. ‘You’re at Channings, of course.’

‘Channings?’ Lexi frowned. Then memory returned, and with a cry of dismay she turned the glass away and struggled to sit up. ‘That’s Richard’s house! I shouldn’t be here.’

Lady Honoria pushed her back. ‘I couldn’t agree with you more!’ she said. ‘But Richard insisted.’

‘He shouldn’t have brought me here. I can’t live with him! It isn’t possible!’

‘You must keep calm. The surgeon says you need complete rest.’

‘But I can’t—’ Lexi turned her head restlessly on the pillow. ‘How long have I been here?’

‘Nearly two days. Richard brought you here straight after the wedding. You collapsed in the vestry after that extraordinary scene, and you’ve been more or less unconscious ever since. Doctor Loudon has called several times.’

Lexi gazed round her again. ‘Whose room is this?’

‘It’s yours.’

‘Mine?’ Lexi sounded nervous.

‘Oh, you needn’t think you’re sharing it with my nephew,’ said Lady Honoria acidly. ‘He isn’t completely mad. He has a room at the opposite end of the house from this one.’

Lexi closed her eyes and frowned again at a vague memory of Richard’s voice, asking her to talk to him, and her own agitated refusal before seeking refuge in sleep again… She opened her eyes and looked at Lady Honoria. The old lady had sat down in the chair next to the bed, but her expression was not encouraging. Lexi said with a touch of defiance, ‘I expect you hate me for wanting to shoot Richard.’

‘Nothing so dramatic,’ Richard’s aunt replied. ‘You were obviously out of your mind at the time! But I don’t find it easy to forgive the fright you gave us. Richard is very dear to me, and I thought for a moment you were going to shoot.’

Lexi lay silent. ‘I should have!’ she said at last. ‘I planned it so carefully. I promised myself I would. But when it came to the point… Why couldn’t I?’

Lady Honoria got up. ‘Stop this nonsense at once, Lexi! You are no murderess. Of course you couldn’t kill Richard! Unless you stop talking such rubbish I shall get Murdie to come to sit with you. I’m not staying here to listen to any more of it.’

‘No! Don’t go! Please don’t go!’ Lexi grasped Lady Honoria’s hand. ‘I have to know. Is he…? Does he…? Are we really married?’

‘You are certainly married. But it would surprise no one if Richard sent you away. I should imagine that a wife’s threat to murder her husband would be unquestionable grounds for divorce. I for one wouldn’t even blame Richard if he sent you to a madhouse.’ Lady Honoria removed her hand from Lexi’s grip. ‘You certainly fooled me. I would have sworn you loved him.’

A tear rolled down Lexi’s cheek. ‘I…did…’ she whispered sadly. ‘It was all I ever wanted, to marry Richard. I loved him so much…’

Lady Honoria snorted scornfully. ‘A fine way you have of showing it!’ she said. ‘And a fine mess you’ve created, too! If you hated Richard so much, why didn’t you simply leave him alone, you stupid girl?’ She gazed angrily at Lexi for a moment, then went on, ‘There isn’t an eligible female in the county who wouldn’t have jumped at the chance of being Richard’s wife. Why the devil did he have to settle on you?’

Lexi shook her head. ‘I don’t know any more why Richard wanted to marry me. I don’t know anything any more!’

‘Well, I’ll tell you why I think he did!’ said Lady Honoria, unmoved by Lexi’s obvious distress. ‘It’s all of a piece with his present behaviour. Because he was sorry for you, that’s why! He thought he owed it to your family to protect you. He even set Rawdon on its feet again for your sake, and I dare swear that cost him a pretty penny!’ She ignored Lexi’s cry of protest and went on, ‘And what did you do in return? Threaten to shoot him! I don’t know what maggot got into that head of yours, Lexi Rawdon, but I hope you’re satisfied. You may not have managed to kill Richard, but you’ve certainly ruined his life—’ She stopped short, then went on, ‘To think that just two days ago we were all at his wedding, all so happy for him—safely home from the army, about to settle at last with his wife at Channings…’ She made a gesture of impatience. ‘Richard has asked me not to be unkind to you, but even if he’s a saint, I’m not! I can’t stay here—if I do, I’ll only say even more than I should…’

Lexi’s eyes were huge pools of darkness. ‘I’m sorry you’re so angry,’ she said, ‘but I didn’t want Richard’s pity. He’d have done better to save it for my father. You don’t understand.’

‘No, and I don’t suppose I ever will. Why this should happen to Richard of all people… How could you? How could you, Lexi?’ She stared at the girl in the bed for a moment, then shook her head and said, ‘It’s no use. Murdie will have to sit with you. I can’t.’

She went out and the door shut behind her. Lexi closed her eyes. She was trembling again. The feelings of panic and loss, which had plagued her ever since her world had turned upside down, returned in full force. Why had Richard asked her to marry him? At the time she had thought that he loved her as deeply as she had loved him….

She remembered the occasion with painful clarity. How foolish she had been! When Richard had come into the library at Rawdon, she was standing at the desk where she had found her father the day before, slumped over his papers. The papers still lay there in an untidy heap. She had been making an effort to gather them together, to put them into some sort of order, but tears had made her progress slow…

‘My poor girl! You shouldn’t be here alone.’

At the sound of Richard’s voice Lexi turned to him blindly, and he took her into his arms, holding her close, her head pressed against his chest. She felt safe, as if she had reached some kind of refuge. In the confusion and distress of the day before she had been aware of Richard’s presence, taking charge, issuing orders. He had made sure she was being looked after, but there had been no opportunity for them to talk.

He held her now, giving her time to recover a little, then led her to the fire. ‘You’re cold. When did you last have anything to eat?’

‘I don’t know. Does it matter?’

‘Of course it matters! Let me send for something.’

Richard waited till she had eaten a little of the food he ordered and drunk some wine. ‘Isn’t that better?’ he said. She nodded and he smiled, the special smile he seemed to keep for her alone, warm and affectionate. It worked its usual magic, and for a moment she forgot her heartache in its glow. He took her hands in his and held them in his own, gently warming them.

‘What were you doing when I came in?’ he asked after a moment.

‘I was…I was trying to sort out some of Papa’s papers.’

‘That was foolish,’ he said. ‘They would be better dealt with by your father’s lawyers. I’ll put them in some sort of order for you, and then you can leave everything to them. You need to rest.’

‘I can’t!’ she said. ‘If I don’t do something with them, Mark will think he has to. He was here this morning when I came in. I don’t blame him—he is the next in line, after all. But he is still a comparative stranger. And those papers were the last things…the last things Papa was reading when he…he died. I want to be the one to deal with them.’

‘Would you let me do it for you?’

She stared at him. ‘I would,’ she said slowly. ‘You were as close to Papa as anyone. But you’ve already done so much. And I have no real claim on you or your time. How could we explain it to Mark?’

‘Easily,’ he said, his grey eyes serious. ‘Because you’re wrong, Alexandra. You have every claim on my time and on everything else of mine.’

She looked at him, wide-eyed, uncertain of his meaning.

He went on, ‘I always wanted to marry you—your father knew that. And now I want us to marry as soon as it can be arranged. Will you? And will you trust me?’

Lexi did not hesitate. A flood of joy drowned her heartache and she threw herself into his arms again. ‘Richard! Oh, Richard! Of course I will! You know I will! I’ll marry you as soon as you like. But won’t we have to wait? The neighbours will be shocked… Papa’s death…’

‘They’ll get over it. Your father would have wanted you to be safe. If things had been different, you would have been my wife long ago—we both know that. And now you need someone to look after you, to keep you happy and secure. We could marry in a few weeks, if you agreed. The wedding would be a quiet one, of course. Do you mind that?’

‘Mind? Oh, no!’

‘Then say you agree. I swear you won’t regret it.’

‘Regret it? How could I possibly regret being married to you, Richard? I’ve wanted it all my life, I think!’

And after he had gone, taking the papers with him, she had been so happy even in the midst of all her grief. Richard had at last asked her to marry him. He loved her as she loved him…

Now, just a few weeks later, Lexi groaned and hid her face in the bedclothes. How foolish of her to have been so gullible! Of course Richard hadn’t loved her in the way she had loved him! He might have married her out of pity as his aunt thought, or perhaps it had been out of guilt, a last flicker of conscience. But one thing was quite certain. He couldn’t possibly have loved her.

She was surprised by the sharp pang this thought gave her—the final traces of illusion gone. How curious that it should hurt so much, after all the other things that had happened.

She turned restlessly in the bed. What did it matter what Richard had felt? She was living in a nightmare, married to a stranger. The Richard she had known and loved no longer existed…

It was too much. She closed her eyes again and escaped from the unbearable present into the past, a world where she had known the old Richard, the one who had meant so much to her.

Richard Deverell had been Johnny Rawdon’s friend before Alexandra was born, and, though they were very different in character—Johnny so extrovert and Richard always so quiet—they had remained friends ever since. Lexi’s earliest memories were of golden days of sunshine as she watched the two boys catching tadpoles or fishing in the lake at Rawdon, and her own cries of, ‘Wait for me! Wait for me!’ She fell into streams and out of trees, sank up to her knees in mud, and tripped over rocks, but she never complained except when they tried to go off on their own.

Over the years they got used to her copper head popping up wherever they went, and gradually took it on themselves to protect her from the worst of the tumbles and scrapes. In return she gave them her unstinted loyalty and devotion. The three children had been practically inseparable whenever they were free from tutors and governesses. They rode together, climbed trees together, fought and laughed together, spending long days out by the lake, or in the woods round Rawdon.

Everything had been so simple in their childhood. It had seemed to her then that this idyllic existence would last forever. But it couldn’t, of course. Things were changing all the time, and the greatest change came after Richard and Johnny had spent the Season of 1810 in London. When they came back to Somerset that summer they were dashing young blades, with no time for their old pursuits or Johnny’s unsophisticated little sister. The six years’ difference in age between them had become a chasm not to be bridged by persuasion, or tantrums, or anything else. Lexi was forced to watch from a distance as Richard and her brother flirted with the young ladies of the neighbourhood, took them riding or on the river, escorted them to the many picnics and dances arranged by their hopeful mamas. For a short time Lexi, bereft and isolated, thought her world had come to an end.

But, after a while, she started to derive a certain amount of malicious amusement from watching the efforts made by the young ladies to capture the two most eligible young men in the county. They met with little success. Johnny laughed and teased, and treated no one seriously. And though Richard was courteous to all, though he danced with one, appeared to be amused by another, listened attentively to a third, he remained throughout his cool, level-headed self, singling no one out for any particular attention. But strangely, as Lexi watched, her own perception of her childhood companion slowly changed. She gradually became just as intrigued as the rest by the slightly aloof manner he adopted in company, was just as fascinated as they all seemed to be with the charm of his slow smile, his lithe grace, the restrained power in his movements. The familiar image of the quiet boy of her childhood gradually faded, to be replaced with that of a very attractive man—attractive, and, underneath his quiet manner, very assured. Her feelings towards him changed in a way she found difficult to define, but they remained very possessive. With surprise, she realised that, whatever he was, boy or man, friend or eligible prize, Richard Deverell was hers. Had always been hers. Would always be hers. She was even sorry for the silly females who pursued him. Didn’t they know that Richard Deverell belonged to her? Lexi was so certain of this that one afternoon in August she told him so.

Lexi and Richard had left the horses tethered to a fence while they went down to the river to look at the otters who lived in its banks. For a while it was like old times, as they shared uncomplicated delight in the antics of the otter cub and talked of anything and everything that occurred to them.

‘Are you home for good now, Richard?’ Lexi asked.

‘I’m not sure. I might go into the Army for a while.’

‘The Army!’

‘It’s a way of seeing the world, and there’s plenty of adventure to be had, especially in Spain. Johnny is talking of it, too.’

‘Johnny? Papa would never let him go! He’s needed here at home. And so are you, Richard.’

‘Oh, come, Alexandra! Needed? You know very well that my father takes no pleasure in my company, and Channings is so well run it really has no need of me, either. No, I don’t think I should be missed.’ Richard spoke a touch bitterly and Lexi was silent for a moment. Then, making an effort to sound calm, she said in a small voice,

‘We would miss you, Richard…’

‘It would only be for two or three years—I don’t intend to make a career of it. But Johnny seems very set on the idea. I think he might go whatever your father says.’

‘Oh, if Johnny’s mind is made up, then Papa will give in. Johnny always gets his way in the end.’ She was silent for a moment, thinking of what it would mean to her father as well as herself. Then she said angrily, ‘My brother is such a clunch! He gets these ideas, and goes ahead without thinking of the consequences.’

‘And you don’t?’ asked Richard, looking at her with such quizzical affection that she had to laugh.

‘I know, I know! The Rawdons rush in without thinking. How often have I heard you say that? But Johnny’s much worse than I am, you know he is! It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if you had rescued him from any number of scrapes while you were both in London.’ She paused, and when she next spoke she sounded unusually bitter. ‘Now he wants to go into the Army, and he will. We all do our best to please Johnny, but he doesn’t care! He ploughs on quite merrily, not thinking of the unhappiness he leaves behind.’

‘You sound as if you don’t like your brother.’

‘I’m not sure I do at the moment.’ She looked up to see Richard frowning. She went on, ‘Oh, you needn’t worry. I may not like him just now, but I shall always love him. In spite of all his faults.’

‘Or perhaps even because of them,’ said Richard. ‘Because that’s the way he is. Isn’t that so?’ He smiled.

The smile did something to her. She suddenly felt absurdly happy, sure that Richard never smiled at any other girl in that particular teasing, affectionate way. The smile was for her alone and no one else. As he turned to help her over the stile at the end of the path, a sudden impulse stopped her from leaping down as she usually did. Instead, she stood on the step, rested her hands on his shoulders, and looked down at him with a grin.

‘Which of my faults do you love me for, Richard?’ she asked, tilting her head to one side, eyes alight with mischief, her hair falling over her shoulder in a mass of copper, almost touching his face.

His hands were at her waist, ready to jump her down, but he suddenly became very still. His grasp tightened, his eyes grew dark, and he wasn’t smiling any more. His gaze rested on her mouth… Lexi suddenly felt breathless, even nervous.

‘Richard?’ she said uncertainly.

It was just as suddenly over. He said something under his breath, then dropped his hands and shook his head. After a moment he said calmly and somewhat distantly, ‘I couldn’t possibly say. There are so many of them!’

His reaction disappointed her, and she felt an urge to disturb that calm self-possession again. She said, ‘Do you know, I thought just for a moment there you were going to kiss me. Did you want to?’

‘Of course not,’ he said with a flicker of anger. ‘What a ridiculous idea! You’re still a child, Alexandra.’

Stung, she replied, ‘I’m nearly sixteen. Not all that much younger than you! You never seemed to notice the difference in the old days!’

‘It wasn’t the same then. We were all of us children,’ he said curtly.

‘But…why didn’t you want to kiss me? Aren’t I pretty enough?’

‘You’re not old enough! Alexandra, if you were anything but a child you wouldn’t ask such questions! Not of anyone!’

‘I wouldn’t ask anyone else. I wouldn’t want anyone else to kiss me, Richard. Only you.’

He looked at her in exasperation, as if he wasn’t sure how to reply to this. Then he shook his head and said abruptly, ‘I suppose you think I’m flattered. But I’m not. You really don’t know anything at all about it, Alexandra. And, unless you want me to leave you here to go back by yourself, we’ll end this stupid conversation right now!’

He sounded as if he meant what he was saying. Lexi nodded.

‘Very well,’ she said. Then she threw him another glance full of mischief. ‘But I still think you wanted to kiss me. I suppose I’ll just have to wait till I’m older.’

He seemed to speak almost against his will. ‘It’s very likely that you won’t want me to kiss you then,’ he said.

‘Oh, yes, I will!’ Lexi said confidently. ‘And, what’s more, you’ll still want to kiss me, too. You’re mine, Richard Deverell! We belong to one another.’

For the rest of the summer, though Richard was perfectly amiable, he kept his distance, never showing by look or action that he thought of her as anything but a good companion, his best friend’s little sister. But Lexi lay awake at night, imagining the kiss he had denied her and fantasising about the future, and though it was never again referred to between them she never faltered in her conviction that he was hers.

She watched him with the other young ladies and was reassured. No rivals there, she thought with satisfaction. And next year he might consider her old enough… But in the end a greater and more powerful rival took Richard away from her. In the autumn he and Johnny announced that they were indeed going into the Army.

Nothing would deter them, certainly not Lexi’s protests. Not even Sir Jeremy Rawdon’s strenuous efforts could prevent his only son from embarking on such a dangerous career. Johnny was adamant. Richard was going, and so would he. It would be an adventure, a great lark.

‘But don’t you see how unhappy Papa is?’ Lexi cried one day. ‘How unhappy we both are! Why are you doing this to us?’

‘Because I want to! Two or three years in a decent regiment would be tremendous fun! I’ve enjoyed this summer, but I’m not ready to settle down yet! Besides, Richard is going. You don’t see his family making all this fuss.’

‘You know very well why that is so,’ said Lexi hotly. ‘Lord Deverell doesn’t care! He’s never taken the slightest interest in anything Richard does. It’s not surprising that his son feels no obligation to him. But Papa loves you, Johnny! You’re his only son!’

‘Oh, stop it! You’re a girl—you can’t possibly understand what it means. I don’t see why Papa is so worried. Nothing will happen to me. I’ll be back in a couple of years and ready to take on those damned obligations you both ram down my throat. Lexi, don’t look so worried! I’ll be all right—you’ll see.’

So in the end Sir Jeremy reluctantly gave in, and by the spring of 1811 Lieutenants Richard Deverell and Johnny Rawdon were serving under Wellington’s command in Spain. Johnny’s ‘couple of years’ stretched to three. The two friends did not finally return to England until the May of 1814—after Napoleon had been defeated and safely confined on Elba.

Perhaps she was the child Richard had called her, but, curiously, Lexi never doubted that Richard and Johnny would come back safely, was confident that the years would bring nothing but happiness. And, though she missed them, she was determined to make good use of her time in their absence. She had till then regarded the accomplishments expected of the daughter of a wealthy landowner—the ability to dress well, to dance gracefully, to sing, play and draw well—as a waste of time. But she now threw her considerable energy and talent into acquiring every social grace. When Richard returned he was to be astonished, overcome, at the change in her. He would find her irresistible.

Then, a few months before they were due to return, Lady Wroxford, her godmother, somewhat belatedly remembered a promise made long before to Lady Rawdon that Lexi should have a London season. So Lexi spent the first half of the year with Lady Wroxford in her house in Curzon Street, and was introduced to the polite world. To everyone’s surprise, including her own, she had a modest success. Her determination to learn how to enchant Richard Deverell on his return served her well in the critical world of the London ton, and she soon had a circle of admirers wherever she went.

Her godmother did more than just keep her promise. A woman of taste and wealth, she had taken delight in providing her protégée with a wardrobe of beautiful clothes that flattered and enhanced her unusual colouring. Unusual was a word frequently used of Lexi Rawdon. She had learned to control the impulsive ways and hot temper that went with her copper hair, had moderated her careless stride of the past into the decorous steps of a young lady of fashion, but traces of the old free grace and high spirits remained. She was not beautiful in the accepted sense, but her glorious hair and sparkling lavender-blue eyes made sure she was noticed, and her frank, open ways, her wit, her ready laughter, kept a constant supply of admirers round her. The fact that the Rawdons of Rawdon Hall were an old and wealthy family was, of course, an additional attraction. Soon Alexandra Rawdon’s name was on the list of the season’s most sought-after débutantes.

But though Lexi was always polite, she showed an indifference to flattery and admiration that the world found intriguing. The world didn’t realise—how could it?—that Miss Rawdon’s apparent lack of interest in her success was perfectly genuine. Though she was enjoying London life, it was merely an amusement, a distraction, while she waited for one man to return from the wars. Charming, well bred, wealthy, and seemingly not unduly eager to find a husband, Lexi was soon declared to be out of the usual run of débutantes, and most attractive. Before the season was very old she had received several flattering offers.

And she turned them all down. Lady Wroxford expostulated, accusing her of being difficult to please. Lexi listened meekly, but said nothing. How could she tell her kind godmother the truth? That she was waiting for one man to come to London? That only he, and no other, would ever please her?

Then at last Richard and Johnny arrived. They came back from Spain, bronzed, fit, no longer boys, but men, toughened by their experiences on the battlefields of Spain, and confident of their power. But to her they were still dear, still two of the three most important people in her world. For a few short months the future looked brilliant.

The spell of these happy memories was broken, as the door opened and Lexi was brought back from the past to the bedroom at Channings. Someone came in. It was probably Murdie, Lady Honoria’s maid, come to take her mistress’s place.

‘Alexandra?’

Not Murdie. Richard. No one else ever called her Alexandra in quite that way. Besides, she would know his voice anywhere, deep, calm, sometimes tender. Even though her own eyes were closed, she felt his grey eyes examining her, speculating… Her heart started thumping, but she held herself still, pretending to be in a deep sleep.

‘Alexandra, open your eyes. We must talk.’

Why could that voice still enchant her? The temptation to do as he said was almost irresistible, but she couldn’t, wouldn’t give in. Why didn’t he go away?

‘Did my aunt upset you again? She’s old, Alexandra. She can’t understand…’ His voice had a wry sort of humour in it as he added, ‘For that matter, nor can I. But I’m not as tired or as angry as she is. Don’t let her put you off. You might even feel better after we’ve talked. And sooner or later we shall have to put the pieces of our lives back together again.’

Put the pieces back together again? That would take a miracle! Lexi rather thought they were beyond repair. Still without opening her eyes, she turned her head away from him.

Richard waited for a moment. Alexandra was not asleep. He knew that. But though it was getting more and more urgent for him to talk to her, he was reluctant to force her before she was ready. The events of the past few months had brought her dangerously close to breakdown. He looked down at his wife. Her eyes were still determinedly shut, but the purple shadows surrounding them, and the hollows in her pale cheeks, showed how badly she needed this time of rest and recuperation.

Perhaps it would help to talk of happier times… He sat down by the bed and thought of her as he had seen her in a London ballroom when he and Johnny had come back from Spain in May 1814. The carelessly dressed child he had known in Somerset had turned into a glowing girl, poised and very much aware of her powers. He addressed the still figure in the bed.

‘Alexandra… Do you remember dancing with me in London? Johnny and I had just got back from France after our years in the Peninsula. Napoleon had been packed off to Elba and London was celebrating. Everyone said what a brilliant season it was. Do you remember? London was full of visitors—European royalty, diplomats and couriers, sightseers, and all sorts of hangers-on. There seemed to be far more of them than there were of the soldiers returning from the wars… Johnny and I were two of the soldiers, and I can tell you we felt somewhat outnumbered by all those civilians.’

He paused, but Alexandra gave no sign that she was listening. He went on, ‘I saw you first at the ball in Northumberland House, I remember. Johnny and I had arrived in London not long before, and had come there hoping to find you.’

Richard fell silent. The occasion was still vivid in his memory. He had seen Alexandra as soon as they had entered the ballroom, but it had taken Johnny a few minutes longer. The sight of his sister then had stopped him in his tracks.

‘There she is!’ he had said in amazement. ‘Over there. Good Lord, Dev, she looks stunning! I would never have imagined she’d turn out so well! Just look at her—if you can. She’s damned near surrounded!’ Richard remembered his own feelings as he looked at the laughing girl on the other side of the room. Tall and graceful, her hair twisted into a shining knot on top of her head, she looked completely self-possessed, and quite at home in the sophisticated world of London society. Though the smile was as enchanting as ever, she looked very different from the girl with the mane of copper hair who had stood on top of the stile and tempted him to kiss her almost four eventful years before. He could still remember the scent of that hair as it had brushed against his cheek, still recall the sensations aroused in him then…

‘We’d better go across before she sees us and comes rushing over,’ Johnny had said next. ‘She’s bound to be excited, but it would never do. Not in a ballroom.’

Richard had known Johnny’s sister better than Johnny had. He remembered saying wryly, ‘Alexandra knows we’re here already. She saw us the moment we came in—or very soon after.’

‘What?’

‘Your sister has grown up, my boy! She won’t come rushing over—she’s waiting for us to join her.’

‘Well, I’m damned! Come on, then!’

Now, more than a year later, sitting by Alexandra’s bed in the aftermath of the disastrous episode in the church, Richard was filled with regret. If only his father had been a more reasonable man… He could have asked Alexandra to marry him then and there, and if he had things might have turned out very differently for all of them. He shook his head impatiently and got up. ‘If only’, ‘could have’, if…if…if…what use was that? Going back was impossible. What was clear at present was that Alexandra was not going to acknowledge he was even there. He’d have to leave it for today. Tomorrow he would have a word with Dr Loudon and see what he had to say. Somehow or other they had to move on, attempt to make sense of this mess. She couldn’t escape into sleep forever.

His voice cooler, he said, ‘Very well. I can see you aren’t yet ready to talk to me. But I won’t give you much longer, Alexandra. We made a bargain, you and I, and I shall see that you keep to your side of it. I’ll be back.’

He walked to the door. ‘Murdie? You can come in now. Lady Deverell is still asleep.’ Murdie came in, and with a last look at his wife Richard went out, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Chapter Three

T he door closed. Lexi heard a rustle of skirts, and felt Lady Honoria’s maid gently straightening the sheets. She was safe.

Still keeping her eyes closed, she contemplated the pictures called up by what Richard had just said. She remembered watching the two men enter the ballroom at Northumberland House. Even in a company that was by then well used to officers in its midst, they had attracted attention. The taller one, dark, with cool grey eyes and an air of arrogance about him, had appeared to be indifferent to the interested gaze of the ladies. The other, with a thatch of dark red hair and laughing blue eyes, had returned their glances with enjoyment. Richard and Johnny. They looked so spruce in their dress uniforms that no one could have guessed that they had arrived in London only that afternoon. Lexi sighed and sought escape into the past again…

Though she had been fully conscious of the two men circling the ballroom in search of her, was aware of their every movement, she made a great effort to appear not to have noticed them. No longer was she the impulsive hoyden who had followed the two boys round wherever they went, pleading to be allowed to go with them. She had learned a lot in the past year or two, and now was the time to put her lessons to good use. And she was determined that when Richard finally found where she was, he would have to come to her. When he reached her at last she was ready.

‘Johnny! Richard!’ she cried with a surprised look and a warm but not extravagantly affectionate smile. ‘Why didn’t you tell us you were in London? It’s wonderful to see you—and both looking so well.’ Before they could say anything she turned to her godmother. ‘Lady Wroxford—you know Johnny already, of course, but this is his friend, Richard Deverell. Lady Wroxford is my godmother, Richard, and a very kind one, too.’

Conventional words, covering a tumult of feeling. As they stood and chatted to her godmother she examined them covertly. They were both still handsome, but they looked older, no longer boys, but men in their prime, with an air of command about them, a hint of ruthlessness. Lexi reminded herself that they had spent the last three years fighting under Wellington in the harshest of conditions, that they had faced death and disease, defeat as well as victory. And now, from what they were saying to Lady Wroxford, it appeared they wanted to put it all behind them and enjoy what was left of one of the most brilliant Seasons London had seen for a long time.

In the days and weeks that followed Lexi realised that Johnny had not changed underneath. He was still her beloved, amusing, carelessly affectionate brother, kind when it suited him, but basically selfish. At first it was Johnny who escorted her to the many events during the rest of the month, but, as his circle of acquaintances expanded, he grew less eager to be tied to his sister. He began to ask Richard to deputise for him, to Lexi’s great annoyance. It was no part of her plan that Richard should regard himself as a substitute brother. But help came from an unexpected quarter. Lady Wroxford, too, was uneasy at the arrangement.

‘My dear, I know from what you and your brother have told me that Mr Deverell has always been regarded as a member of the family, but the truth is he is a handsome and extremely eligible male who is not at all related to you. Unless you wish to provoke undesirable gossip, you will not be seen in his company as often as John suggests.’

When she put the same point to Johnny, however, he roared with laughter. ‘Oh, forgive me, ma’am, but that is nonsense!’

‘Indeed?’ said Lady Wroxford icily. ‘I think I know the world of the ton better than you, John. And, while I am in charge of your sister, I will not allow her to be compromised, however close she and Mr Deverell have been in the past. That was when she was a child, not the very attractive young lady she now is.’

‘You mean people might say Dev ought to marry her?’

‘I am sure neither Mr Deverell, nor your sister, would do anything to encourage the gossips to go as far as that, but one cannot be too careful.’

Johnny frowned, then his face lit up and he said eagerly, ‘But that wouldn’t half be a bad idea! It’s never occurred to me before, but Dev would be a first-rate catch for Lexi! They’ve known each other for ever, and they’ve always got on well. What do you say, Lexi? Would you like to marry Dev? I think he would be willing if I asked him to. I don’t think he has anyone else in mind, and now the wars are over he’ll soon have to think of marrying.’

Lexi’s face flamed and she had difficulty in speaking. After a moment she said fiercely, ‘Don’t you dare! I’m not so short of offers that I have to rely on you to find me a husband, Johnny Rawdon!’

Johnny shrugged his shoulders and appeared to give up the idea. But Lexi was so worried that he might say something, however harmless, that she began to adopt a much cooler manner towards Richard. Richard was hers, but she was determined that he must come to her of his own free will because he had discovered that he loved her—not because of any nonsense about duty or obliging an old friend.

So though they frequently danced together when they met at the many balls and routs during that glittering Season, though she even went for the occasional ride in the Park with him, she was careful to refuse more of his invitations than she accepted. It was very hard. With every day that passed she fell more in love with him. Even in a crowded ballroom, dancing a formal dance with the rest of the world looking on, she felt a secret harmony between them, which no other man could ever begin to match. The world saw and respected Richard as the heir to an old and wealthy family, a distinguished soldier, a man of honour. But Lexi knew that part of him which the rest of the world did not see, hidden as it was behind his air of aloof courtesy—his wry sense of humour, his compassion, and his vulnerability. And the more she loved him for it all, the harder she worked to hide the fact.

One warm evening Johnny took them all out to Vauxhall Gardens. Lady Wroxford was content to sit in one of the booths, gossiping with her friends, and she made no objection when Richard took Lexi off for a set of dances. But then, instead of joining the dancers, he asked Lexi if she would prefer to walk about the gardens for a few minutes instead. The evening was warm and the dance floor crowded. A few minutes in the peace of the gardens with Richard was very tempting, so Lexi gave way and they walked in silence along the lamplit paths for a minute or two. Then he stopped and said quietly,

‘Have I done something wrong, Alexandra?’

‘Wrong?’ Lexi turned an astonished face towards him. ‘This evening? Of course not!’

‘Not this evening. But…’ he hesitated ‘…in general.’

Lexi grew cautious. ‘What makes you think that?’

‘You seem to have changed. Recently I have the impression that you are…wary, in a way you never were before I went into the Army.’

Lexi bit her lip. ‘We’re both older, Richard…’ she said slowly.

‘But we’re surely still friends? Shouldn’t the past still count for something? Do you know, in Spain, at night, after a hard day’s fighting, I used to lie and look at the stars, and think about the days at Rawdon when we were children. The pictures I conjured up then helped to keep me sane amongst all that blood and noise and killing. You were always part of them. I used to imagine the way you looked, remembered your laughter, the way you had of wrinkling up your nose, that mane of hair, which was always getting in the way—’ He broke off.

This was so unlike his usual tone that Lexi was at a loss to know what to reply. She said somewhat abruptly, ‘Lady Wroxford thinks I should have it cut.’

‘No!’ Then, seeing her surprise at the force with which he had spoken, he went on more calmly, ‘No. Don’t give in to her, Alexandra. Your hair is one of the things that make you…special.’

The old Lexi would have instantly demanded how and why, and what else made her special to him. But now, though the colour rose in her cheeks, she suppressed the frisson of delight at his words and said with a cool smile, ‘Come, sir! You mustn’t flatter me! Spain must surely have been full of raven-haired señoritas only too willing to comfort you all! I don’t suppose for a moment that you very often thought of your friends in England, not even the copper-haired ones!’

‘I wasn’t intending to flatter! Damn it, that’s what I meant a moment ago! The cool smile, the remark meant to put me off. Why are you treating me as distantly as you do all the others? Surely our old friendship deserves more?’

Lexi said with some feeling, ‘But this is not Somerset, nor are we children any longer. You may still regard me as your little sister, but that isn’t the way Society sees us!’

‘Has Lady Wroxford been talking to you?’

‘Yes, she has. But she said nothing I could disagree with. I have no wish to be the subject of conjecture and gossip.’

‘Gossip?’

‘Yes, Richard! Gossip!’ said Lexi sharply, losing her patience. ‘Surprising as it may seem to you, the world sees me as a young woman of marriageable age who, unless she wishes to set tongues wagging, should not spend too much time alone with one of London’s most eligible bachelors! As I am doing at the moment. And since gossip is the last thing I wish for, I think we should return to my godmother. She will be wondering in any case what has happened to me.’

She started to walk away, but he took her hand and pulled her back. She stumbled and fell against him. His arm went round her and he pulled her closer, his eyes holding hers. A shiver of delight ran down her spine, but she managed to say fiercely,

‘Are these Spanish ways, Richard? Let me go!’

‘Not yet. And they’re very old English ways, my love.’ He bent his head and kissed her.

Since the episode by the stile four years before, Lexi had often imagined what it would be like to be kissed by Richard. But nothing had prepared her for this. She felt as if she was suspended in space; her heart was hammering, the blood rushing through her veins to every inch of her body. ‘R…Richard?’ she said, her voice a mere breath. He laughed and kissed her again, this time more deeply. The kiss went on and on until she thought she would die with the pleasure of it. He held her so tightly, his arms cradling her against him so closely, that she was made aware of his manhood, the strength of his desire, and for a brief moment she responded tumultuously to the new and previously unknown feelings it aroused in her. She put her arms round his neck and held his lips to hers, inviting further caresses….

The sound of laughter nearby brought her suddenly and cruelly to her senses. Full of horrified shame, she wrenched herself out of Richard’s arms and tried to escape, but her legs refused to carry her more than a step or two. She stood with her back towards him, fighting for control.

‘Alexandra—’

‘Be quiet! Don’t say a word!’

‘I must! I had no right—’ He stopped, then began again. ‘This isn’t the time or the place—’ He stopped again and gave a little laugh. ‘At least you know I don’t regard you as a child any more,’ he said ruefully.

No word of love, nothing to show he had been as affected as she had been by what had happened. He was probably well used to such encounters. But what could he be thinking of her? Lexi swallowed. ‘No,’ she said stiffly. ‘I’m no longer a child. And I should never have behaved as I did, least of all with you. Shall we go back to my godmother?’

Richard looked at her searchingly. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Of course I am,’ she said with a brittle laugh. ‘Ashamed, perhaps, but otherwise unharmed.’

‘I’m sorry, Alexandra.’ He stopped and shook his head. Then he said decisively, ‘It won’t happen again.’

Still nothing that she wanted to hear. The pain in her heart was growing by the minute, but pride came to her aid. Concealing her bitter disappointment, she said as lightly as she could, ‘Even old friends can get carried away, can’t they, Richard? Perhaps the world is right after all to disapprove of my spending time alone with you. And now please take me back to Lady Wroxford.’

They went back, and for the rest of the evening he behaved impeccably, not ignoring her exactly, but not singling her out for any particular attention either. No one could have guessed from his demeanour that for a few breathtaking moments such a short while before he had taken Lexi to Paradise and back.

In the days that followed Richard remained just as distant. Lexi was left confused and even somewhat angry. Did he think she was in the habit of allowing men to take her to such a secluded situation, to hold her so closely, to kiss her? Was this what he thought of her? The sole excuse for her disgraceful conduct was her love for Richard Deverell, but it was clear that there was no such reason for the way he had acted. He had not even claimed to love her. Perhaps he had found her earlier coolness towards him a challenge? For whatever reason, he had behaved in a manner she would never have believed possible. Had his time in the Army made him cynical?

She hid her sore heart and bruised pride and sought consolation in the company of other, less complicated, admirers. During the last weeks of the Season no one was as gay, as apparently carefree, as Miss Alexandra Rawdon. One young man refused to listen to her when she assured him she was not interested in his offer of marriage. He was so persistent and so obviously eligible that London began to speculate whether Miss Rawdon would finally succumb. When she assured her godmother that there was no question of it, Lady Wroxford grew really angry with her.

‘Mr Transden has everything to recommend him to the most demanding young lady, Lexi. He may not have a title, but his family is a distinguished one. Moreover, he is comparatively young, in good health, and enormously wealthy. And devoted to you! What more can you possibly ask for?’

‘I don’t love him,’ said Lexi.

‘Love? Pshaw! I have never approved of gambling, and marrying for love is the greatest gamble of them all! Marry for comfort, girl. You can fall in love later, if you want to—after you’ve given your husband an heir or two.’ When Lexi remained silent Lady Wroxford shook her head. ‘I might as well talk to that table leg for all the attention you will pay me, I know. It’s that “old family friend” of yours, isn’t it? You’re in love with Richard Deverell.’

‘Is it so obvious?’

‘Not at all! Your behaviour towards him has been admirably discreet.’ Lexi had a sudden vision of herself in Richard’s arms at Vauxhall and her colour rose. Little did her godmother know! Lady Wroxford went on, ‘But I have no idea what he feels about you—or anyone else. That’s a man who keeps his own counsel, Lexi. No one would guess from his recent demeanour that his father is not expected to live much longer.’

‘Lord Deverell ill? Are you sure?’ asked Lexi in astonishment. ‘I hadn’t heard anything of that, and I’ll swear Johnny doesn’t know either.’

‘Mrs Shackleton told me—she had it from Honoria Standish, who is some kind of relation. It’s a very odd situation. Apparently Lord Deverell refuses to see anyone, even his own son. What sort of father is that?’

‘There was never much affection between them, ma’am. Lord Deverell has persistently ignored his son’s existence. That is why Richard has been so much part of my…of our family.’

‘I see. It might also explain Mr Deverell’s marked air of detachment…’

Afterwards Lexi found that she was badly hurt by Richard’s silence. They had had few private moments since that scene at Vauxhall, but if he had wanted to, he could surely have found the time to tell her about his father.

However, the next day he called to take his leave of Lady Wroxford and her goddaughter. Lord Deverell had sent for him at last, and Richard was leaving London more or less straight away. He would probably not return before the end of the Season. Lady Wroxford expressed her concern and wished him a safe journey. Then she threw a quick glance at Lexi, and took pity on her.

‘I think my goddaughter might well have some messages you could carry to Somerset for her,’ she said, with a smile. ‘You’ll excuse me, I’m sure, if I leave her to give them to you. Goodbye, Mr Deverell.’

After she had left the room there was a short, difficult silence. Then Lexi broke it with a touch of her old impulsive style. ‘Did Johnny know about your father’s illness, Richard? Or did you keep it from him, too?’

‘I didn’t tell anyone.’

‘Why not? I thought Johnny was your best friend. I thought you and I were friends, too.’

Richard heard the hurt anger in her voice and said quickly, ‘Of course you are! You Rawdons are the only real family I’ve known.’ He frowned. ‘I’m sorry. I suppose I should have explained, but it’s a painful subject… I don’t find it easy to talk about it.’

‘Not even to us?’

‘Not even to you, Alexandra. You must have realised long ago that my father rejected me almost as soon as I was born. That’s no secret. We have always been strangers to each other. His illness was not serious at first, and though it was regrettable it was not important to me. But it now looks as if he might die. Have you any idea what that would mean?’

His bitter tone puzzled Lexi. ‘You inherit the title?’ she said uncertainly.

‘There’s much more to it than that. In spite of all the evidence, I’ve hoped all my life my father would one day finally accept me, that he might even show me a little affection. Stupid of me, I know.’ He raised his eyes, and they were for once unguarded. The pain in them made Lexi gasp. He looked away immediately. ‘If he dies now, any hope I might once have cherished about getting to know him will be lost forever…’

‘Richard…’ Quite forgetting her own feelings, Lexi went to him and put her hand on his arm. He looked down at it, but made no move to take it.

‘Then there’s the question of my future,’ he went on.

‘How?’

‘The Deverell estates are not entailed. My father is free to leave Channings and everything else he owns to anyone he chooses. The only certain income I have comes from what my mother left me.’

‘No! He couldn’t cut you out of your inheritance! It wouldn’t be right! You love Channings even more than he does!’

Richard said wearily, ‘He resents my very existence. How do I know what he might or might not do?’

‘But you haven’t done anything to justify such a terrible thing!’

‘Except to be born. To survive, when my mother didn’t.’

Lexi’s heart twisted at the bitterness in Richard’s voice. But she rallied and said passionately, ‘I don’t believe for one moment that Lord Deverell will cut you out of his will! He must at least be aware of what he owes to his name, if not to you personally. Channings would never survive without you! No, Richard, you must not even think it! And there’s still time for him to make some gesture towards you.’

‘A deathbed reconciliation? Most unlikely. But I’ll try. Alexandra, I’m sorry if I hurt you. Will you forgive me? We’ve always been friends. I wouldn’t want to lose you.’

‘Friends?’ She gave a wry smile. ‘Always, Richard. Forever.’

The Season came to an end and Lexi thanked her godmother and went back to Somerset. Lady Wroxford was reluctant to let her go.

‘I’ve enjoyed your company, my dear,’ she said. ‘Johnny is all Rawdon, but you… You may have the Rawdon hair, but you have the same lovely eyes as your dear mother. And you are like her in so many other ways.’ She hesitated. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t find a husband to please you. I had great hopes for you when you came.’

‘Ma’am, please don’t blame yourself. No one could have been kinder or more concerned. But my heart was given away before I really knew I had one. There will never be anyone else for me.’

Lady Wroxford nodded sadly. ‘I hope Mr Deverell will eventually realise what a treasure he could have in you, but you’ll have to be patient. At the moment his future is so uncertain that no man of honour could ask a girl to share it. From what Honoria Standish says, his mother’s estate would hardly give him enough to live on.’

Lexi stared at her, then her face lit up. ‘You think that’s the reason he…? What a fool! What a great fool he is! As if I cared about his wretched inheritance! Oh, just wait till I see him!’

Her godmother looked very worried. ‘No, no, you mustn’t say anything, Lexi! Mr Deverell may be very fond of you, in fact, I’m sure he is, but love…? That I do not know. But I am also sure he’s a proud man, willing to ask favours of no one, not even someone he loved. You’ve learned a lot of restraint since coming to London, and my advice is to hold on to it now. This isn’t a child’s game, and you mustn’t think it is. No rushing in in your old style, do you hear? You won’t gain anything by it.’

‘Yes, yes! But Richard and I are friends. I can say anything to him. He won’t be offended. If only I were sure he loved me…’

Her godmother sighed. ‘Well, remember, Lexi… If anything should ever go wrong, don’t wait to ask if you can come here. I should be very glad to help you all I can—for your own sake, as well as your mother’s.’

Lord Deverell died without any attempt at reconciliation, but he had after all left everything to his son. However, the situation between Richard and Lexi was not to be resolved for another year. Channings itself had been well looked after, but the rest of the Deverell estates—some of them in Scotland—had been neglected for so long that Richard was forced to travel for the rest of the year to make the acquaintance of managers and stewards who had never seen him before, in order to satisfy himself that his possessions were in good hands. For the most part they were. The late Lord Deverell had been better served than he merited.

So Lexi saw little of Richard during this time, and when he came back she had no time herself. Her own father was taken ill and they thought for a while that he was going to die. He needed weeks of careful nursing and Lexi spent long hours in the sick room with him. Richard frequently came to sit with Sir Jeremy, chatting to him about local affairs and his own plans for Channings, but after taking a look at Lexi’s pale cheeks and heavy eyes he always insisted she should go out for a ride with Johnny, or a walk in the grounds. They seldom spent more than five minutes in each other’s company, and hardly any time alone.

Then, to the consternation of all those who had rejoiced in his defeat the year before, Napoleon escaped from Elba. Out of the blue, Johnny and Richard were recalled to service by the only man who could have persuaded them to come back to the Army—their commander in the Peninsula, Wellington himself. Because of his father’s recent illness, Johnny was given a post in London, but Richard was sent all round Europe with letters for Vienna, Brussels and the headquarters of other Allies as they all prepared for Napoleon’s attack.

He returned to London in the spring of 1815 and joined Johnny, who was acting as one of Wellington’s Liaison Officers at the Horse Guards. And at Easter they came down to Somerset for a whole week.

It was not altogether a happy visit. Richard seemed more than usually reserved, and Johnny was frequently moody, on edge and irritable. He was drinking more than he should, too. Lexi tried once or twice to ask him what was wrong, but he always put her off, and in the end she decided that if anyone was in Johnny’s confidence it would be Richard. But she had to wait till the day before they left before she could ask him about her brother.

They had all three planned to visit the river bank again, but at the last minute Johnny lost his temper over some triviality and decided not to come. Lexi made no attempt to dissuade him. She could not afford to miss this golden opportunity to have a private chat with Richard…

The weather was warm and the Somerset countryside was at its loveliest—the lanes around Rawdon were lined with hedgerows full of greenish-yellow catkins and the bridal white of blackthorn. The banks and verges below were even more colourful with spikes of purple orchids surrounded by clumps of pale yellow primroses and the delicate wood anemones of spring. The river was full of activity as small animals and birds enjoyed the Easter sunshine and prepared to set up their families. Richard talked a lot of the old days, and, though she felt it was cowardly, Lexi was content to let him. Her own heart was full as she remembered how they had laughed years before at the antics of the otters, how she had wanted Richard to kiss her…

‘This is wonderful!’ he said, breathing in the fresh, sweet-scented air. ‘You’ve no idea how much I’ve longed for it. After all my travels, to come home to this…’ He turned to look at her. ‘And to you. How are you, Alexandra?’

It was so unexpected that Lexi felt herself colouring. ‘I…I…I’m well,’ she stammered. ‘But you know that. Why do you ask?’

‘What about Transden? Is he well, too?’

She looked at him in astonishment. ‘Transden? Mr Transden? I have no idea.’

‘Really?’ He sounded sceptical.

‘Well, of course I haven’t! Whatever made you think I should? I haven’t seen or heard of Mr Transden since last summer.’

‘Is that true?’

‘Of course it is! He was a delightful dancing partner, but nothing more. What is all this? Why are you so curious about him?’

‘Last year most of London thought you would marry him.’

‘I can’t help what people thought last year! But I assure you that I never had the slightest intention of marrying Mr Transden.’

‘Lady Wroxford—’ Richard began. He stopped and began again. ‘When I saw Lady Wroxford in London recently she implied he was…he was still interested in you. She even seemed to think he might eventually persuade you to change your mind.’

Lexi could guess what Lady Wroxford had been up to. Her godmother had been seeing what a touch of jealousy might do. She said firmly, ‘My godmother can’t really think anything of the kind. She knows very well who—’ She stopped short. She had nearly betrayed herself. ‘She knows I have no interest in Mr Transden,’ she said firmly, then went on, ‘We shall stop talking nonsense and discuss something more important. I want to ask you about Johnny. There’s something wrong with him and I want to know what it is.’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked. His tone was guarded.

‘Don’t put me off. I’ve asked Johnny himself, but he won’t talk to me. I’m worried about him, and I was hoping you’d help. He’s been so…so short-tempered, especially this morning. Not only with me, but with my father and the servants as well.’

‘He probably had a hangover,’ said Richard easily. ‘We talked till late last night, and the wine flowed pretty freely. Don’t worry, Alexandra. He’ll come round.’

‘Will he?’ She was still doubtful. ‘I wonder… I’m sure there’s more to it than that.’

‘A lot of the work we do at the Horse Guards is devilish dull, and Johnny gets bored. You know what he’s like. He enjoys fighting in the open, where you can see your enemy, and the dangers are obvious. Chasing secret documents and looking after them is not the sort of activity he joined the army for.’

‘I can quite see that. But why are you and Johnny doing such work? I thought you were still on active service?’

‘We are! This is very active service, but it’s not the kind Johnny is used to. Napoleon’s spies would give their right arm to know some of the details in the Duke’s letters—where he needs the men, what sort of defences, all the rest.’ He added with a touch of impatience, ‘I sometimes think Boney’s spies are more interested in what Wellington needs than those fools in charge at the Horse Guards! And there’s always someone willing to sell information…’

He stopped, and they walked for a moment on in silence. They came to a halt at the stile. Here she paused. ‘Tell me, Richard,’ she said abruptly. ‘Is Johnny drinking?’

‘Of course. We all do!’

‘Don’t be so evasive! You know what I mean. Is Johnny drinking too much?’

Richard hesitated. ‘Perhaps. Certainly more than he used to. But don’t worry, Alexandra. He’s restless, but he’ll be himself again as soon as we rejoin the regiment. It can’t be long now—this break has come just in time. I doubt we’ll still be here in England after next month.’

This was a shock. Lexi swallowed and said, ‘I suppose that means you’ll both be going into battle.’

‘It looks very likely. This time it will be against Napoleon himself, not just his seconds-in-command the way it was in Spain. It won’t be quite so easy. Wellington is up to it. If he gets enough men.’

‘And I expect you’ll both feel happier. But it’s…it’s hard for us. We can only sit at home and hope you don’t get yourselves killed!’ She tried to laugh, but it turned into a sob halfway through.

He stopped in surprise and turned to face her. ‘Johnny and I will be all right, I promise. My dear girl, you mustn’t cry! Don’t, Alexandra! Please!’

‘I know I’m stupid,’ she replied, trying to wipe away the tears with her hand. ‘You and Johnny came back unharmed from Spain. It’s just…it’s just that Papa and I had hoped the wars were ended, and that Johnny would soon be at home for good. Papa is getting old and…and needs him.’ She scrubbed more vigorously as another tear rolled down her cheek.

‘Here, let me do that!’

He took out an immaculate handkerchief and, taking her chin in his hand, wiped her cheek. He finished, but the hand stayed under her chin, and he gazed at her intently. ‘And what about me, Alexandra?’ he asked softly. ‘Do you need me?’

She couldn’t stop herself. Looking at him with her heart in her eyes, she said simply, ‘More than my life.’

He drew a sharp breath. His lips barely moving, he said softly, ‘Do you remember asking me once if I wanted to kiss you, here at this stile?’

‘You said you didn’t.’

‘I lied to you. I wanted to all right, but you were too young. I had to wait. And then I kissed you at Vauxhall, and you were so angry… The kiss was everything I had dreamed of, but the waiting afterwards was even harder. Alexandra, if you knew how much that first time here by the stile has haunted me, how I have tried to forget it… But I never have. And now… If you were to ask me again if I wish to kiss you, I’ll tell you the truth this time.’ He put an arm round her, and lifted her chin. Gazing deep into her eyes, he said softly, ‘Ask me again, Alexandra.’

‘Do you…do you want to kiss me, Richard?’

He smiled and then began to kiss her, at first gently, as if she were something infinitely precious, then, feeling her response, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her eyes, her chin, her throat, seeking and finding the pulse beating wildly there. Then he took her into his arms and the kisses became more demanding. He seemed to envelop her, holding her so closely that she thought she could feel every bone and muscle of his body. Lexi’s own bones were melting with delight. She felt no shame. This was where she wanted to be, this was what she had waited for all her life, or so it seemed. She was impatient to be absorbed by him, become part of him, she was nothing without him…

After a moment he took a deep breath and held her away. ‘I…I think that’s enough for the moment,’ he said somewhat unsteadily. ‘Dear God, Alexandra, you have such power over me. No one else can make me forget the world and everything else in it as you do.’

‘Richard?’ she whispered, unaware of the pleading note in her voice.

‘We mustn’t go any further,’ he said, roughly. He gave an incredulous laugh. ‘You are…totally desirable. But we mustn’t go any further. You know that, don’t you?’

When she looked away from him without saying anything, he gave her a little shake. ‘Don’t you, Alexandra?’

She nodded. Then, taking her hands in his, he kissed her gently and said, ‘We only have to wait a little longer, my lovely one. My lovely, and…very dear Alexandra. Wait till after this business with the French is over. Then at long last it will be time to talk about our future…’

Chapter Four

I n her bedroom at Channings, trapped, it seemed, in the marriage she had so longed for, Lexi turned her head frantically to and fro on the pillow. Why couldn’t she forget? Those words of Richard’s haunted her. They had been so tender, so full of promise. ‘My lovely, and very dear Alexandra, my lovely and very dear Alexandra, my lovely Alexandra…Alexandra…’ No one else called her Alexandra. Richard always gave it a special sound… Why couldn’t she forget?

Lexi groaned and turned over. A deep sob escaped her. Murdie was there. She got up and held a glass to her lips. It tasted bitter, and in a few minutes she felt herself falling thankfully into oblivion again…

The next day Murdie was sitting by the bed when Richard returned to his wife’s bedside. ‘I thought my aunt would be here,’ he said. ‘Where is she?’

‘Her ladyship went to her own room, my lord. Lady Deverell was asleep, so she decided to have a rest herself.’

‘I see. Well, you may go, too, Murdie. I’ve come to sit with my wife.’ When Murdie hesitated he added firmly, ‘I’m sure your mistress has need of your services.’

Murdie looked at him, her face carefully indifferent, then curtsied and left the room.

Richard cast a glance at the sleeping figure on the bed, then fetched the wing chair over from the window and sat down to wait. He was weary beyond measure. His careful plans had gone wildly astray, but if he was to save something from the wreck it was time to talk to Alexandra. She still didn’t want him to. Even the damned maidservant knew that. But he had Dr Loudon’s assurance that she was strong enough, strong enough even to get up, and he had decided not to wait any longer.

He still had no idea what they would say to one another…

So far, at least, there had been no hint of scandal. Only the five who had been there in the vestry knew of the sensational sequel to the wedding ceremony, and since then Alexandra had had no visitors. But if the situation continued as it was for much longer, the gossip would soon start. Some way of living together had to be found, if only for the next six months…

Richard put his head in his hands. After the tumult of the last few years, after so many barriers to his happiness, the prospect of settling down at last at Channings with Alexandra Rawdon had seemed…very attractive. He smiled warily. Attractive? Why couldn’t he admit his real feelings, just for once, just to himself? He had longed for it passionately. He had known he was taking a risk in marrying her so hastily, so soon after the shock of her father’s death, but it had seemed the only thing to do. That death had changed what had been a difficult situation into a nightmare…

Richard got up and walked restlessly about the room. He had other reasons for marrying Alexandra, but his betrothal and marriage to Sir Jeremy’s heiress had given him access to the papers connected with the Rawdon estates. He had sorted out the worst of the problems before the wedding and hoped that with time he could deal with the rest, too, discreetly, before anyone else found out what the late owner of Rawdon Hall had done…

He glanced at the bed. Alexandra was still asleep. That had been the other, more important reason, of course. He had been desperate to take care of her. She had been left so alone in the world, without a home… Mark Rawdon was a pleasant enough fellow, but he was still something of a stranger. Alexandra could not have carried on living at Rawdon after her father’s death. No, an early marriage had been necessary. But, in thinking it would solve his problems, he had been disastrously over-optimistic…

He looked again at the figure on the bed. What had caused Alexandra’s sudden change of heart? Why had she turned against him? There had been no sign of it when he had asked her to marry him, and that had been a bare five weeks ago. She had changed some time shortly before the wedding. When he had tried to find out what was wrong her answers had been evasive and she had afterwards avoided him. Aunt Honoria had talked of pre-wedding nerves, and he had accepted that as the probable explanation. Not in his worst nightmares had he imagined she was planning anything like the scene in the vestry.

Would she have gone through with it and shot him if he hadn’t intervened? He must have thought so then, or he wouldn’t have thought it necessary to buy time with that lunatic promise. Six months to prove her accusations wrong. How the devil was he to do it? Telling her the truth would make nonsense of all his efforts of the past few months. But one way or another he must find a way of satisfying her. One thing was quite obvious. Someone, somewhere, wanted to make mischief for the Rawdon family, and the sooner he found out who it was the better it would be for everyone, Alexandra, Mark Rawdon and himself.

Damn the troublemaking villain, whoever he was. Who had told Alexandra about that card game between Richard and her father? She was far from stupid. She wouldn’t let it rest there. When she was herself again she was certain to ask why her father had risked everything on the turn of a card. And what the devil would he tell her? Jeremy and Johnny Rawdon were now both dead, but what would it do to her to learn why her father had been so ready to risk disaster and disgrace?

Richard shook his head. His plans may have gone badly wrong, but he had at least succeeded in protecting her father’s reputation. No one now need ever know that Sir Jeremy Rawdon, a former magistrate and a pillar of society, had broken the law. It had taken a great deal of his skill and time between Sir Jeremy’s death and his own marriage to Alexandra to straighten it all out, but he had succeeded. Ironically, she now apparently held his efforts against him.

It was even more ironic that she had accused him of meddling with the evidence of Johnny’s death. In that instance she was perfectly right, of course… He had.

The figure on the bed sighed and stirred. Richard moved over to the bedside and sat down.

‘Could I have a drink of water?’ she said in a cracked voice. ‘Dr Loudon’s draughts always leave my mouth feeling so dry!’

Richard got up and poured a glass of water. He put his arm round her shoulders and held her upright. ‘Here,’ he said, holding it to her lips. ‘Drink.’

Lexi’s eyes flew wide open and an expression of horror appeared on her face. ‘You!’ she said with loathing. She struck the glass away with such force that water splashed down her nightgown and over the bedclothes.

‘You stupid child, Alexandra!’ said Richard irritably, as he picked up the glass and put it on the table. ‘What do you think you’re doing? I’m not an ogre!’

‘I don’t want anything to do with you! Fetch the maid! Fetch Murdie!’

‘I’ll fetch no one. I want to talk to you.’

She made a move to get up, but he pushed her back against the pillows and held her there, firmly. His face just inches away from hers, he said softly, ‘You might as well listen, my dear. I’ve waited long enough. You’re not leaving this room before we’ve had our talk, even if I have to use force to keep you here.’

‘You can’t do that!’

‘Oh, yes, I can. We are man and wife, Alexandra. Had you forgotten? Short of murder, I can do anything with you. Anything at all. Do you understand? No one would dream of interfering with what I do here in your bedroom.’

Lexi slid down in the bed, her eyes dark with fear. ‘Lady Honoria—’ she began, with a quaver in her voice.

‘Aunt Honoria won’t help you. She’s more likely to recommend a whipping if you’re strong enough.’

Lexi’s eyes grew larger and darker.

‘But you needn’t worry,’ Richard said. ‘I won’t listen to her.’

She swallowed and drew the sheet up higher. ‘Then…then what are you going to do?’

He pushed himself up and away, and stood regarding her for a moment. He said with a touch of bitterness, ‘You surely don’t really believe I’m about to join you in that bed and make love to you, do you?’

‘You…you said we were man and w…wife,’ she said nervously.

‘My dear girl, I don’t regard myself as particularly squeamish, but it would take a stronger stomach than mine to make love to a wife who has just threatened to kill me. What do you think I’m made of?’

Lexi gazed at him sombrely. ‘I don’t know,’ she said eventually. ‘I thought I did, but I was mistaken. For a while I longed for you to make love to me, I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted more, but now I think I would kill myself if you even tried.’

Richard moved away abruptly and went to the window, where he stood, staring out. There was a short silence.

Then Lexi said, ‘If it’s not that, what do you want, Deverell?’

He turned round. ‘We have an agreement. Are you prepared to discuss it with me?’

‘It appears I have no choice.’

He nodded, then turned to the chest of drawers next to him. After a moment’s search he came back with a fresh linen nightgown in his hands, which he put on the bed in front of her. ‘Put this on before we start,’ he said. ‘You must be uncomfortable in that wet nightgown.’

‘No!’

‘Are you not yet strong enough to change your own nightgown?’

‘Of course I’m strong enough! But I’m not going to undress while you’re here!’

‘Shall I remind you? I’m your husband. I have every right to be here. I could take every stitch off you if I chose, and no one could object. Do you wish me to do it?’ His voice was perfectly even. ‘No!’

‘Then do as I say. Oh, if it makes you easier I’ll look out of the window. But I’m not leaving this room, Alexandra.’

She sat up and hastily changed her gown, then lay down again, pulling the sheets up almost over her face. He turned and gave a grim nod when he saw her. ‘I think you’re quite strong enough to sit up. In fact, tomorrow you will get up and start your new life.’

Lexi stiffened. ‘And what is that to be, pray?’

‘That is what I want to discuss, my dear. Sit up like a good girl. If I give you another glass of water, will you throw it at me?’

‘No, I’d like one, please,’ she said sullenly, sitting up. ‘I’m thirsty.’

When she had drunk he took the glass again and sat down in the wing chair. ‘So far, so good,’ he said. ‘Now! We have to decide how we are to manage for the next six months, but I should like to sort one or two things out first.’ He paused and eyed her curiously. ‘Tell me when you first decided that you wanted to kill me. I don’t think you had it in mind when you accepted my offer of marriage.’

‘No,’ she said in a low voice. They were both silent for a moment as they remembered her relief and happiness when he had asked her to marry him. There had been no doubts then. When he had insisted that the wedding should take place as soon as possible she had made no objection. Marriage to Richard had seemed then to be a safe haven in a time of distress.

‘So…when did you…change your mind about me?’

‘Very soon after. I heard two of the servants gossiping, and, though I know I shouldn’t have, I listened.’ She stopped. ‘I almost wish now that I hadn’t… They had seen you and Papa playing cards the evening before he died. Papa had been very angry, they said. He had accused you of ruining him and all his family.’ She turned and looked straight into his eyes. ‘And you haven’t tried to deny it, have you, Deverell?’ she said bitterly. ‘You killed Johnny, and I suppose you might say that you killed my father, too. You took Rawdon from him, and he died the next day.’

‘If you knew how much I regretted that whole business!’ Richard’s voice was constricted. ‘I don’t often make such disastrous mistakes. I wanted to help, I assure you.’

‘Help? How “help”? By taking away everything my father lived for? By leaving him with nothing? You knew how much he loved Rawdon, how proud he was of his name, his inheritance! You knew how much he suffered when Johnny died. You even helped him to trace Mark Rawdon, so that he could invite his heir to live with us, to get to know and love Rawdon as much as he did! And what was left of Rawdon after you had done your worst? What was there to leave to Mark? The house, and a small farm, that was all! How could Rawdon possibly survive on that? My father died of a broken heart! And you are to blame!’

By this time tears were running down Lexi’s cheeks as she stammered out her accusations at him. Richard got out of the chair and held up his hand.

‘Don’t! Don’t, please! You’ll make yourself ill again, and I—’ He stopped for a moment. ‘I don’t like to see you in such a state. We’ll continue this talk another time.’

‘No! We’ll finish it now! I accepted your offer in good faith, Deverell. I wanted to marry you because I thought I loved you. But after I heard about that game I wanted never to see you again.’

‘Why didn’t you ask me about it? I thought you trusted me.’

‘I wanted to. I tried to. But after that day you were never there! You were always closeted with the agents, the lawyers and all the others. I could never get near you!’

‘That’s not good enough, Alexandra. I had a lot of business to get through, which had to be finished before our marriage. But I would have made time for you if you had asked me. Why didn’t you try harder to see me?’

‘Because I thought of something better.’

‘I can guess what it was. You decided not to break our engagement but to marry me after all, and ask for Rawdon as a wedding present. Was that it?’

‘Yes. It was the only way to save Rawdon. I would get you to give the lands back to Mark, and…and my father’s ghost would be happy.’

‘And what about you in all this? Did you see yourself as a martyr to the cause?’ he asked with a touch of bitterness. ‘Was a lifetime in my contaminating presence a price you were prepared to pay?’

‘I…I…Yes! Yes, I was.’

‘And at what point did you decide that you couldn’t face it after all? That killing me was a better solution?’

‘No, no, you’re wrong! It wasn’t my plan to kill you at all at first. I would have lived with you and been as good a wife as I could—’

He got up again. ‘How very noble of you!’ he said sardonically. ‘Did it never occur to you that I might not want such a wife? Did it never cross your mind that I might, just might, have given what I had won back to you, out of friendship, without any strings at all? Did you never ask yourself why I had done such a terrible thing to your father, a man I had looked up to all my life? A friend of mine! Of course not! You never were strong on logic, were you?’

‘What do you mean?’ she demanded. He turned away and went back to the window. Lexi waited, then got out of bed, flung on her wrapper and came over to join him. ‘What do you mean, Deverell? I don’t believe you would have given it all back as easily as that! Why would you do that? Explain what you meant!’

When Richard turned his expression was not encouraging. Lexi stood and faced him. Her mane of hair had escaped from its ribbons and lay in wild disorder over her shoulders and down her back in a stream of copper curls. Below the nightgown and wrapper could be seen slender ankles and bare feet. But there was no sign of self-consciousness or fear as she demanded yet again, ‘What did you mean?’

He looked down. ‘Of course I never intended to keep what I had won! If your father had lived, I would have returned it all, once he had recovered his senses. But he…he was not himself. He had done something…foolish, something that would have damaged his reputation. I decided—on an impulse, I admit—to do what I could to put it right, or at least to cover it up, but he died before I could tell him what I intended to do.’

‘What had he done?’

‘You needn’t concern yourself. It’s all been taken care of since. That’s why I was so busy before our wedding.’

‘Tell me what it was! I demand to know!’

‘I’m sorry. I can’t tell you.’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘It must have something to do with money,’ she said reflectively. ‘I know he had been borrowing a lot, and I didn’t understand why he had to—Rawdon has always been so wealthy. But borrowing doesn’t damage reputations…’ She wandered back to the bed and sat down on the edge. She looked up. ‘It wasn’t the entailed land, was it?’ When he made no reply she exclaimed, ‘Oh, it can’t have been! My father would never borrow against entailed land! It’s not only dishonourable, it’s against the law!’

‘Alexandra, either get back into bed or ring for the maid and get dressed. It is not…sensible to wander about in your nightwear. And your hair—’ Richard stopped. ‘Your hair is very untidy.’

His sudden criticism distracted her as he had known it would. She looked at him with a touch of her old spirit. ‘But we’re man and wife, Deverell. Surely you cannot object to my being déshabillée in my own room?’

‘On the contrary, my dear,’ Richard said softly, coming closer. ‘I find it very…appealing.’

Lexi hastily got back into bed and pulled the bedclothes around her. ‘No, you don’t,’ she said defiantly. ‘You haven’t the stomach for me, remember?’

He gazed at her for a moment, then said, ‘I think you must be feeling better. I’ll send your maid to you. Tell her you wish to go downstairs for dinner. It would do you good to get out of this room for a while this evening. I’ll call for you, and we’ll go down together.’

On his way to the door he said, ‘Aunt Honoria will be there this evening, so we’ll postpone any further talk till tomorrow. Tonight we’ll practise a little social behaviour, instead.’

‘Aren’t you afraid I’ll make another scene?’

He stood at the door. ‘I am quite sure you won’t. I have your promise, remember?’

‘There was nothing in that agreement about my behaving as your wife in company!’

‘I was talking of the one you made in the church, Alexandra. The marriage service. Part of what we promised each other—till death us do part—was mutual society, help and comfort. I don’t ask for any of the rest you promised me then, not for the moment, at least. So, can’t you meet me halfway? You’re not a girl who breaks promises willingly, and here is one that is easy enough to keep.’

‘Why do you want me to keep you company? I would have thought you’d be happy to leave me to myself.’

He paused. After a moment he said, ‘We don’t wish to stir up gossip, especially as there are still so many unanswered questions between us. Let’s put a brave face on our marriage in public, pretend it was for the right reasons. It may only be for six months. Can you do it?’

She looked at him, her eyes dark with unhappiness. ‘I’ll try,’ she said. ‘But don’t attempt to tell me it will be easy. And if what you say is true, then I intend to find out what it was my father did, Deverell. Don’t think you can put me off a second time!’

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