All I want is my happily-ever-after.

That’s all I’ve wanted since meeting Noah Miller.

From the day we met, the world has tried to keep Noah and me from being together, but now that I’m carrying his child, no one will be able to tear us apart. Or so I hope. But Noah and I have made some mistakes along the way, and the consequences are impacting the people we love. Worse, there’s a storm on the horizon, and it’s sure to cause serious devastation.

If we can get through this, we’ll finally be Rose and Noah—a family, forever.

But first we have to survive the road ahead. And happily-ever-after is a long way off.

He’s Amish.

Rose held out her hand, and I grasped it. She avoided my gaze, leading me to her barn. I followed along, very nervous about what she had to say.

When I was seated on a hay bale in the loft, I watched her pace back and forth in uncomfortable silence for a minute or so before curiosity overcame the worry, and I blurted out, “Rose, come sit down and talk to me. Please.”

She’s not.

She stopped and looked at me with her own fear clearly showing. The loft felt very different in the brightness of late morning than it did in the dark of night when we’d met before. Somehow the light beams shining through the gaps in the wood made the moment feel more real…and frightening.

With reluctant steps, she approached, stopping in front of me. I spread my legs and pulled her forward into a hug. Breathing in the lovely lavender scent, I tried to relax. Rose needed my strength now.

She whispered against my cheek, “I’m pregnant.”

But everything’s about to change.

Forever

Karen Ann Hopkins

www.miraink.co.uk

This book is dedicated to my close friend Opal Dickerson, who has been lucky enough to call both the Amish and English worlds her home.

Your strength and kindness inspire me.

Acknowledgments

As Rose and Noah’s story comes to an end, I want to express much appreciation to my awesome agent, Christina Hogrebe of the Jane Rotrosen Agency, for being on this literary journey with me from day one; my exceptional editor, TS Ferguson, for his wisdom and patience in the process; to my fabulous publicist, Lisa Wray, for all the little things; to the cover art department for the dazzling cover on this book; and the rest of the Harlequin TEEN team for their professionalism, friendliness and guidance along the way.

I could never have succeeded in this crazy endeavor without the love and support of my family. Kisses and hugs to my five children, Luke, Cole, Lily, Owen and Cora. Many thanks go out to my mom, Marilyn; my dad, Anthony; my brother, Tony; and my nephew, Jamey, for everything. I love you all.

With gratitude to Jay, Carey, Devin, Marian, Kelsey, Kendra, Jackie, Eric and the Mast family. The last few years have had ups and downs, and each one of you has helped out in some special way. Thank you!

“There can be no assumption that today’s majority is ‘right’ and the Amish and others like them are ‘wrong.’ A way of life that is odd or even erratic but interferes with no rights or interests of others is not to be condemned because it is different.”

—Warren E. Burger, Supreme Court Justice

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

1

Noah

It was dark except for the light slicing through the gaps in the barn boards. The silence made my skin crawl, and I shook the feeling away. I took a deep breath. Leaning back against the stall, I closed my eyes, and a picture of Rose immediately appeared.

She sat alone on her bed. Her head was bowed and her shoulders jerked with rocking movements. When she lifted her face, her cheeks were wet. The same moon that sprayed soft light into her bedroom was the one that lit the barnyard beyond the door. I wanted to go to her, gather her up in my arms and tell her that everything was all right. The pain of knowing that I couldn’t hold her stabbed my chest.

Was it just my imagination that she was crying this night? I had no way of knowing; we were still being kept apart. Would it ever end? Was a time of peace and acceptance in our lives possible? Rose needed me. I could feel it in my bones, but I couldn’t be with her—at least not yet.

Elijah Schwartz’s voice hissed into the quiet air, snapping my eyes wide open.

“This is unacceptable, Amos. I only allowed my eldest daughter, Constance, to become betrothed to your son, because of your promise that his association with the English girl was over. Now, you’re telling me that he wants to break off the engagement, only weeks before the joining? You can’t be serious.”

To Father’s credit, his voice came out restrained and sure. As my head turned to him, he said, “Things have changed. I feel terrible that Constance will be hurt by the breakup, but the consequences if Noah went through with the wedding would be a greater travesty. He is in love with another girl.”

The three long strides that Elijah took toward me brought me off the hay bale and into a standing position right quick. The older man looked at me with a tight frown.

His gray eyes glittered dangerously when he raised his finger to my face and said, “You are making a mistake, boy. Not only will your life with an outsider be filled with pain, lies and deceit, you have created a rift with me and my kin. Mark my words there will be no peace in your life with this decision.”

Elijah stormed to the doorway. His eldest sons, Paul and Micah, were fast on his heels. Paul made a huffing noise and ignored me as he followed his father, but Micah took the time to meet my gaze. He frowned and shook his head sadly, and I quickly searched my memories for the reason for his distress.

I suddenly understood. The numerous times that I’d spotted Sarah lingering in the kitchen or barnyard while Micah was a few feet away finally made sense. But confusion peppered the realization. I thought Sarah had been moving in the direction of courting Edwin. It showed how out of the loop I’d become that I had no idea what was going on with my own sister.

As Elijah was pushing the door open, Bishop Abram caught his arm in a loose grip.

“Those are harsh words, Elijah. It’s not with malicious intent that Noah has done this. Rose’s family manipulated the younger boy to write a letter convincing the Millers that she was leaving on her own accord, but that wasn’t the truth of it.”

“Do you think that matters to me? My daughter will be humiliated. Our family will be made a laughingstock before the community.” Elijah stood up straighter before passing his gaze between Bishop Abram and Father. “The acts of this boy—” he paused and pointed at me “—will not be ignored by our people.”

When Elijah disappeared into the night with his sons in tow, the barn became quiet once again. With a groan, I dropped to the hay bale and rubbed my face vigorously.

“What a mess of things I’ve made,” I mumbled into my hands.

Bishop Abram sighed and sat down beside me in a smoother movement than my own. He placed his hand on my knee and said, “Yes, a storm is brewing on the horizon. Elijah won’t let the matter rest. He is a prideful and stubborn man. Any difficulties we’ve had dealing with Mervin Weaver will be mild in comparison to what the Schwartzes will bring down upon us.”

“Yet he’s only lived within our community for a few months. Perhaps you’re overestimating his influence,” Father suggested, rubbing his beard thoughtfully.

Bishop Abram shook his head before raising his gaze. “Don’t take that man lightly, Amos. He’s already been talking with the other men in the church with the desire to take a place as their minister. He may be new to us, but he’s strong-willed and intelligent. I have no doubt the matter will go before the church, regardless of my wishes.”

A chill passed over me at his words.

Rose’s reputation would forever be clouded within the community if she was with child. Elijah would use it against us...and my entire family. If Rose and I could hold on for a while longer, she’d be old enough to marry me without her father’s approval. Then we could begin our lives unsullied.

With a sudden change of heart, darkness settled over my spirit. I said a silent prayer that Rose wasn’t pregnant.

2

Rose

I was glad they couldn’t see the fresh tears on my cheeks. They’d been so good putting up with me the past few days—I didn’t want them to think I was turning into a sputtering fool again. I had to be strong.

“What are you thinking, Rose?” Summer’s voice was soft and muffled. She must be leaning against Sam’s chest, but the way I was resting on the bed in Aunt Debbie’s guest room, I couldn’t see them on the floor, and I didn’t even have the energy to turn my head to look their way.

“Everything...and nothing at all.” I sighed and dropped my head on the pillow.

“God, please tell me you’ve changed your mind,” Sam said.

His rough words made me shiver. He was becoming irritated again. Things were always so cut-and-dry with him. Couldn’t he understand where I was coming from?

“No, Sam, I’ve made up my mind.”

“You just keep making dumb decisions—why won’t you ever listen to the voice of reason and good sense?” Sam’s voice rose with each word.

“Shhh, your aunt will hear, and that’s the last thing we need right now,” Summer chastised. She pulled away from Sam and climbed on the bed beside me. “We’ve gone over it a million times. This is the best plan for now.”

Even in the semidarkness I could see Sam’s head jerking back and forth. “I don’t agree. As much as I hate the guy, he should know what he did to Rose. She shouldn’t have to deal with it by herself.”

“I’m not alone. I have you guys,” I piped up.

“And, Sam, it’s only for a few weeks. Really, you’re making more drama than necessary.” Summer said it quietly and slowly enough that I was betting Sam wouldn’t argue.

But I was wrong.

“Dad should at least know. This is serious business—” his hand waved into the air at me “—she needs to see a doctor.”

“Women have been having babies forever, a few weeks won’t make a difference,” Summer said with a shrug.

“We aren’t even certain she’s pregnant, though.”

“Don’t be dumb. She took five prego tests. She is, and that’s the end of it.”

Sam muttered under his breath, “Damn, females are diabolical.”

I heard him loud and clear, though...and I was suddenly afraid.

3

Sarah

Glancing sideways, I quickly looked back into the laundry basket and blushed. Micah had been watching me.

Oh, goodness, what should I do?

Trying to ignore what my eyes had just told me, I reached into the basket and pulled out a pair of pants still heavy with dampness. Snapping them on to the line, I nearly jumped out of my skin when Micah spoke close behind me.

“Would you like some help with that?”

His words were fuzzy in my mind, and his face blurred for a second. Did the brown-haired boy with the prettiest green eyes I’d ever seen just ask me if I needed help hanging the laundry? Surely, I must be dreaming.

Coming to my senses as quickly as I could, I looked around for anyone watching before facing Micah.

“Uh, no...but it sure is nice of you to offer—none of my brothers ever have,” I said, turning back to the work.

As much as I wanted his company, I wished he’d leave. If Father or Mother caught him talking to me, I’d be in trouble for sure. Especially with everything so mixed up with our families and all. Oh, if only Noah had never gotten involved with Constance. He hadn’t taken my advice, and now we all were paying the price—especially me.

Micah chuckled softly and said, “My mother and sisters trained me well.” He paused and took a wet work shirt from the pile and began hanging it. “Actually, I don’t mind helping you at all.”

I quickly grabbed the garment from his hands and tugged. “You mustn’t do that. Someone might see, and then questions will be raised.”

Micah was strong, and he wouldn’t let go. He pulled the shirt back and argued, “There is nothing wrong with me assisting you. I hardly see why anyone would complain.”

Nearly frantic, I glanced around and yanked hard. The rip was loud, and I didn’t need to see the shirt to know a seam had split. The material came loose from his hands, and I stepped back.

My cheeks felt warm when I said, “Now look what you’ve gone and done. You’re supposed to be building a fence with Peter. And with all the trouble brewing, you should be happy that Father invited you to do so.”

Micah must have lost his mind, I thought, when he came forward and whispered close to my face, “If you hadn’t refused my help, that wouldn’t have happened. Besides, the only reason my father allowed me to come over here at all was to spy.”

I felt light-headed and ignored the possibility of others watching us.

“What are you talking about?”

Micah did a quick scan of the area and said, “I shouldn’t have said anything, but I don’t guess you’ll tell anyone. You used to talk to me and smile sometimes, and now you won’t even glance my way. Is it because of your brother and my sister?”

Sighing, I said, “Of course, silly. I’m not sure why we became friends, but the things that your father has said about Noah and my family have made it impossible for our friendship to continue. It wasn’t proper, anyway. I’m going to begin courting Edwin.”

His hand shot out and grabbed my arm. The heavy feel of it made the blood drain from my face. “What...?”

“Are you crazy, Sarah? You don’t even like him.”

“Course I do. And who are you to say so?”

Micah leaned in and said with a sureness that made me believe him, “’Cause you like me, that’s why. Things will settle down soon between our families. Don’t do something that we’ll both regret.”

He left me and went back to the fence across the yard. A part of me wanted him to come back, but the other wanted him to stay far away. He was dead wrong about our families. When the bishop announced Noah and Constance’s separation on Sunday, it would get worse.

Wiping the wetness from my eyes quickly, I went back to work. I had to get Micah Schwartz out of my mind.

He was nothing but trouble.

4

Sam

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I stared at the ceiling. Why the hell did I have to get dragged into my family’s shenanigans? How did Summer manage to get me to do whatever fool thing she wanted? It was beyond me, but I was looking forward to the day when the honeymoon phase ended, and I could think straight again.

“Come on, Sam, Dad’s downstairs and about to pop a blood vessel. He wants to get moving,” Justin said, peeking in the doorway. He was too smart to come all the way in and risk my early morning wrath.

“If he only knew, he wouldn’t be in such a damn hurry,” I mumbled into the pillow.

Justin risked a step in but kept his hand on the door. “What did you say?”

I opened my eyes and stared at my little brother. He’d grown a couple of inches over the summer and was nearing my height now. At some point, my intimidation tactics might not work on him.

“Are you so tied up in your fantasy military world that you don’t notice anything going on in the here and now?”

Justin thought for a second, before saying, “I know everything going on. You’re the naive one, thinking I’m clueless. That’s what makes me smarter than any of you.”

The smug expression on his face made me sit up straighter and narrow my eyes at him. Could he possibly know about Rose? I was suddenly suspicious that he might.

With a speed that surprised even me, I was out of the bed and through the doorway. I tackled Justin to the floor in front of Rose’s room. The kid might be sneaky, smart and growing, but I still held the superior strength. Thank God.

Near his ear I whispered, “You better tell me exactly what you know, or I’m going to sprain your hand and you won’t be able to hold your controller for weeks.”

“You wouldn’t. Dad’s in the kitchen,” Justin whined quietly.

“I don’t care where he is. I’ll do it and then I’ll lie to him about what really happened...you know I will.”

The extra pressure on his wrist did the trick. Justin puffed out, “All right, ease up.” He lowered his voice and said, “Rose is pregnant.”

The volume wasn’t low enough, though. Rose was standing in the doorway. I caught only a glimpse of her pale, shocked face before she stepped back into her room and slammed the door.

Rolling off of Justin, I sighed loudly, “Now you’ve gone and done it, you idiot.”

5

Noah

Elijah’s cold, hard look sent a shiver through me, but I didn’t turn away. The man’s anger was thick in the air even though he’d remained silent during the announcement of the wedding’s cancellation. I can’t say that for the rest of the community, though. The gasps and fervent whispering had to be quieted by Aaron. He quickly jumped into reciting the rest of the morning’s news, obviously trying to calm the situation.

Father sat staring straight ahead. He didn’t meet the hostile looks coming from the Schwartz men. Father was a formidable and respected man in the community, yet I knew that he was worried about the situation. His fear about the future had settled over me like a heavy blanket in wintertime. If he was afraid, then we all should be.

The ball of tightness in my stomach became too much for me as we left the Schrocks’ church building. I had to get away now. Moving past Marcus Bontrager and several others stalled in the aisle, I pushed the sliding door open and stepped into the cool morning brightness. The warm-up we’d had in April had been tempered by colder air in May. Ruth’s line of pink peonies was still blooming, but their petals were drawn up tight, as if they were attempting to shield themselves from the harsh wind that pricked my own skin.

I didn’t button up my vest, thankful for the cold, stiff breeze. It cleared my head.

The hand on my shoulder didn’t surprise me, and the voice close to my ear was expected.

“What’s going on? Have you lost your mind?” Timothy whispered.

I glanced back, and seeing that Matthew was close behind him, I signaled both of them to follow me toward the stable.

Once through the doorway I turned and faced my friends, knowing they were completely loyal to me. The Troyers would side with Father if it came to an open contest between us and the Schwartzes in church, but I wasn’t so sure about the Weaver family. Mervin Weaver, Matthew’s father, always had his own agenda.

“It’s about Rose.”

Timothy rolled his eyes and leaned against the stall door with a groan. Matthew’s jaw dropped, and he stared at me with wide eyes.

Before either of them could speak, I plowed on. “Her brother wrote the letter saying she’d quit me—not her. She didn’t know anything about it.”

“How did you find this out?” Timothy asked. His voice was calmer and his face serious.

“It’s a long story. Basically, Sam had a moment of clarity. He must have felt guilty about his father’s lies. At first when he told me, I didn’t believe. But after a torturous night of running it through my head, I realized he must be telling the truth. Rose would never have left me like that. She’d have talked to me at least, explained things in person.”

I sat down on a bale of hay. Timothy and Matthew followed suit, taking the bales across from me.

“I was angry with myself that I so readily believed Doctor Cameron’s story, and abandoned my girl.” I looked up and met their steady stares. “I had Mr. Denton take me to the city. He found out her address on the computer when I told him the names of her aunt and uncle—the people she was staying with. We went there that next day, and Mr. Denton left me.”

Matthew continued to watch me, hanging on my every word, but Timothy closed his eyes and thudded his head against the barn wall. Timmy was a whole lot sharper than goofy Matthew.

“You didn’t,” Timmy said.

After a pause, I met his gaze. “I did. It was incredible to have her in my arms again. All the feelings came rushing back. I’d never stopped loving her. I never will.”

“Your father let you dump Constance to be with Rose? How is that ever going to work?” Matthew exclaimed. “Is she going to become Amish?”

“Shhh, someone might be listening.” I leaped up and went to the door to look out. When I turned back, I said, “No one knows the particulars yet, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

The soft voice from inside the darkened stall to my left made my heart stop dead away.

“Sorry, but you’re a little late for that.”

Suzanna’s blond head peeked over the divider. She smiled sheepishly. Miranda’s face soon joined hers.

“Aren’t you girls ever where you’re supposed to be?” I groaned and shot a warning look at Timothy and Matthew, whose faces told me instantly that they were as shocked as I was.

The cold, damp air in the barn seemed to warm a bit as the girls left the stall to join us in the hallway.

Timmy stood up and went to Suzanna. “What are you doing, Suzanna, spying on us like that?”

Suzanna placed her hands on her hips and frowned at her boyfriend. The look made him take a step back.

“What kind of fools go into the barn to have a secret meeting and don’t even check the stalls to make sure they’re alone? Huh, tell me that,” Suzanna hissed and I knew it was useless to argue with these girls about anything.

Matthew wasn’t so smart. He looked at Miranda, his own girlfriend, and asked, “I thought we didn’t keep stuff from each other, Mirn—what’s going on?”

His voice had a whinelike quality, and I wasn’t surprised when the usually quiet girl blurted out, “I’m not doing a thing wrong, or worth telling you about. We came in here to talk for a few minutes in private before we went to help with the lunch sandwiches.”

When Miranda paused, Suzanna jumped in, saying, “It’s not our fault that you ran your mouth before checking if the stable was occupied. I’d have thought you would’ve known better.”

I nodded. “Yes, you’re right. I’ve been torn up all morning because of Elijah. He isn’t going to let this thing go.”

Suzanna came closer. She whispered, “How’s Rose? Is she all right? Are you two really getting back together? Is she coming back to live among us?”

I put up my hands to stop her bombardment. The motion silenced her, but her light blue eyes sparked with more questions. I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t be able to escape the barn without sharing some information with her. Suzanna and Miranda were Rose’s friends, after all. It was understandable that they’d want to know what was going on.

“All right, slow down. Rose is fine. Yes, we’re back together, but it isn’t common knowledge yet, so don’t go gossiping.”

“You know we wouldn’t. Anything you tell us will never leak out. I thought we’ve proven ourselves to you,” Suzanna huffed.

Looking into her eyes and seeing her determination, I knew she meant what she said. I relaxed further and continued, “Rose is coming back to Meadowview today, but she’s not going to be Amish straightaway. I guess the only reason her father is all right with her coming back to the area is that she’s convinced him that she’s over me. She’s finishing out the few weeks of school to prove to him her intentions.”

“Not more lies. Haven’t you two learned your lesson well enough? After the incident with that letter you were talking about and all, I’d think you’d want to be in the open with your love,” Suzanna said.

I shook my head. “You’re not thinking it through. We can’t be together just yet. She’s still only seventeen. Her father wouldn’t allow her to come back if he knew about us. And, my father has asked that we stay away from each other for some months to let the trouble with the Schwartzes die down. When Rose turns eighteen in late November, enough time will have passed for the community to again accept our union, and her father won’t be able to stop us, either. We’ll marry soon after and begin our life together in the Amish world.”

Timmy scratched his chin and nodded his head slowly. “That sounds like a good plan to me. If you and Rose got back together immediately after you canceled the wedding with Constance, you’d be frowned on by the entire community.”

“And, Elijah would be after you all the more,” Matthew added.

Suzanna picked up Miranda’s hand and pulled her toward the doorway. She stopped before she stepped out and said, “You’re just plain dumb, Noah, to think that it will work out that smoothly. Something unexpected always comes up to ruin well-laid plans—especially if you’re going to be dishonest once again.”

A second after she disappeared, she poked her head back in and said, “I’m happy that Rose is coming back, though. You tell her I expect her to contact me straightaway. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

The gust of air hit me for a couple of seconds before the girls had the door pulled shut.

Suzanna was right. But what could I do, except try to make it work out properly? As much as I loved Rose, I still didn’t want to hurt Constance’s feelings any more than necessary. She was a good girl, and the only thing she’d done wrong was fall in love with me. Mother had given me sound advice when she’d suggested that Rose and I wait awhile before we went public. Maybe over the summer, Constance would begin courting another, and her heart would be healed. His daughter’s happiness could soften Elijah once again, and all would be right in the community.

I tried to convince myself, but when I looked at Timothy and Matthew and saw the doubt and worry etched on their faces, I knew I was fooling myself. Nothing had gone right ever since I’d first laid eyes on Rose, and I reckoned this would be no different. But I’d try not to worry until something came up. After all, I’d get to be with her tomorrow, and that’s all that I wanted to think about.

6

Rose

“Hold up, Summer,” I said as I stopped and squatted beneath the pine trees.

My stomach rolled, and I tried to swallow down the nausea. It didn’t work. Hot juices rose in my throat, and I threw up. My body heaved, and I clutched my stomach when the spasms didn’t stop.

“Here, let me get your hair out of the way,” Summer said, kneeling beside me. She rubbed my back and murmured soft words that didn’t mean much to me. I just wanted the bubbling feeling in my gut to quit.

The week after I’d discovered I was pregnant, I’d felt perfectly fine and decided that the pregnancy thing wasn’t so bad. I had even been able to pretend in my mind I wasn’t pregnant, that maybe all the tests had been wrong. When I’d said as much to Summer, she’d laughed and told me to wait awhile, I’d be feeling it soon enough. She’d assured me that she’d seen it happen to her stepsister and another girlfriend firsthand. Then, bam, yesterday morning the sickness had hit with the force of a raging hurricane. It didn’t just happen in the morning, either. The rocking in my belly and throat had been almost constant since it began.

Finally, after another minute of gagging and spitting up yellow liquid that must have come from the pit of my empty stomach, I sat back against the tree trunk.

Summer handed me a tissue from her pocket and said, “Somehow, you’re going to have to pull yourself together or Noah will know for sure.”

“How? I can’t go an hour without being sick. He’ll see right through me.”

Summer placed her hand under my chin and forced it up. I looked into her bright green eyes and calmed instantly.

“Now, you listen to me, Rose. You’re a strong girl. You can do this. I have faith in you.”

“No, I can’t. He’ll figure it out...and then what’ll I do?” I sniffed back the tears that were almost falling again.

Summer’s strawberry-blond hair bobbed on her shoulders as she shook her head. “You and your baby’s entire future depend on this. Noah can’t find out about the pregnancy until you’ve made up your mind for certain what your future is going to be—Amish or English.”

“I want to be with Noah. I don’t care where we live.”

Summer’s voice was harsher than usual, and I gazed at her, wishing that I wasn’t pregnant at all.

“A week ago you told me and Sam that you didn’t know what you wanted. You told us that you had reservations about raising your baby Amish. Don’t go changing your tune now. If Noah isn’t willing to go English to be with you, then why should you give up everything to be with him?”

The shadows under the trees were growing, and I shivered as the cooler air settled beneath the green canopy. Summer had a very good point, and my head agreed with her...but not my heart. Now that I was having his baby, I wanted to be with Noah even more. I needed him to help me through this. He’d probably be fine with the pregnancy. But then why was there still a tickling of doubt deep down inside me? What had changed?

“All right, you might be happy enough marrying Noah and being Amish, but what about your child? Will he or she? Maybe there will come a day when that little person growing inside of you will be mighty upset at the choice you made.”

The fixed line on Summer’s mouth proved how serious she was, and maybe she’d hit the matter on the head. Could I really make such a decision for my child? Was it even fair?

“You might be right— Here, help me up.”

Once I was standing, the queasiness settled for a minute. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them again the forest came into sharper view. The sun was low in the sky, and I realized that we didn’t have a lot of time.

“Do you have any gum left?”

“Sure do.” Summer pulled the pack from her back pocket and handed me a piece.

I turned and started up the barely recognizable path. Summer came up beside me and bumped my shoulder with hers.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.

I continued walking and didn’t look her way. “Yeah, I’ll survive, but I’m not making any promises. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell Noah about the baby.”

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Summer nod wearily in acceptance.

When we reached the boulders, Summer climbed onto the nearest one and sat down.

“What are you doing?” A shimmering of panic spread through me as she gazed down at me.

“You’re on your own with this one. It’s your life.”

“That’s it—you’re going to abandon me now?”

“I’m doing no such thing. I’ll be sitting right here when you’re finished.” She paused and glanced away, then back again with more compassion. “I don’t want to make you do something...or not do something that you’ll regret later. It’s your life and you have to decide. Neither Sam nor I can tell you what’s best for you in this mess you’ve gotten into.”

“There probably isn’t a best thing to do.”

I sighed.

“Probably not.”

Without glancing back, I moved past the giant rocks and picked up speed as I pushed through the last of the branches and brush. My belly was calm, and with a sudden longing to be in Noah’s arms, I hurried across the clearing and up the rickety old porch steps.

When I opened the door, the darkness inside was complete. There wasn’t even a cheery fire to greet me.

“Noah, are you in here?” I whispered into the blackness.

The silence chilled my insides, and I zipped up my jacket. After a few seconds of hesitation and looking over my shoulder as twilight descended on to the forest, I walked in, using my hands to feel the way to where I thought the chairs would be.

I sat down on the first one I bumped into and folded my arms tightly around me. Goose bumps spread along my skin, and I shivered again, sucking in a breath. Could Noah have forgotten me?

My insides tightened at the thought as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Several of the chairs and buckets were turned over and lying haphazardly around the floor. The fireplace had a few old ashes in it and no fresh logs beside it. It dawned on me that no one had been in the ramshackle cabin since the time I’d been here with the girls many months before.

Thinking back to that night, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d whacked Timmy in the head with a two-by-four when he’d snuck in on us. Noah had been so surprised to see me. He’d hugged me until it almost hurt. But, oh, how wonderful it had felt. That was when things were easier. I’d just joined up with the Amish and had been learning their ways. What a gift it had been that the others had arranged for me and Noah to be together.

I’d still been a virgin then—and that’s just the way Noah had wanted to keep me, until our wedding night. Now it was gone forever. One night of passion after we’d been kept apart for so long by our families, we’d let ourselves go, and here I was pregnant.

My head began pounding, and I clenched the sides with my hands. Do I tell Noah?

“Rose?”

His whisper pierced the cold, dark night air. I sniffed back the tears and stood up.

“I’m here.”

A second later he had me in his arms, right where I wanted to be. The warmth of his body pressed against mine, and the scent of horses and leather on his skin made me melt against him. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. For the first time in a month I felt safe again.

I couldn’t lie to Noah. I loved him too much.

“I thought you said Summer was coming with you,” he said in a sharp voice that brought me from the fog.

“She’s at the boulders. I think she wanted to give us some privacy.”

He nodded and relaxed. “That makes sense.”

He sat down, guiding me to his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stared at the little I could see of his face in the darkness.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up,” I said softly.

He took a breath and said, “The singing was canceled, and some of the adults had a meeting. Father was tied up there, so I took Mother and Naomi home before I could make it out here.”

“What kind of meeting? I don’t remember the singing ever being canceled before.” Uneasiness spread through me, and I sat up straighter.

“Never has been as far as I recall, but there are some important issues that needed discussing, I reckon.”

He said the words in a nonchalant way that pricked my interest all the more. Telling Noah about the pregnancy could wait a few minutes. I had the odd feeling that the special meeting had something to do with me. I pressed my hand on to his chest to hurry him along with the news.

“Well...Elijah Schwartz isn’t very happy that I’ve called off the wedding to his daughter. He’s making things difficult for me and my family.”

My inner lioness rose, and I blurted, “What’s he doing?”

“Nothing yet—the meeting will give us a better idea of how far he’s willing to take the matter, but you don’t need to worry your pretty head about it.”

He stopped talking and brought his mouth against mine. The feel of his lips distracted me, but not completely.

I broke away from the kiss and said, “Have you talked to Constance?”

“No, she wasn’t at church service this morning. I haven’t seen her since our fathers spoke.”

The way he said the words, like he was feeling bad for her, made me suddenly jealous. After all, he had asked the girl to marry him. He must have really liked her to do such a thing—and he must have kissed her. I closed my eyes quickly, trying to erase the image that made me suddenly feel sick again.

Swallowing carefully, I said, “Let’s just forget about her for now. There’s something more important we need to talk about.”

Before I could continue, Noah hugged me tightly, pressing his face against my chest. His voice was muffled when he said, “Yes, we certainly do.”

He pulled back, and with moonlight shining through the doorway, I could see his face better. His mouth was smiling and his eyes were content.

Gathering my courage, I opened my mouth to speak, but he placed his finger on my lips and shushed me.

“I’ve got it all figured out. My folks support us getting back together. They’re going to give us a couple of acres on the far side of their property that we can build a small house on. The adjacent land is owned by Marcus Bontrager, and he’s willing to sell about twenty acres, so we’ll have that option as time goes on.”

“But, Noah...”

“Hush now, and listen. Now that you’re back in Meadowview, we can arrange meetings like this. It won’t be so bad if my parents are in agreement. Your father is gone most of the time, anyway. But, Rose, there’s one little hitch to the plan that I’m going to need your help with.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Wait. That’s all, wait. We need some more time to make this happen. Father and Mother think we need a while to announce our engagement. If we do it straightaway, it will enrage Elijah all the more. I understand their worry. It would be unfair to Constance for us to be formally together so quickly.”

Without breathing, I asked, “For how long?”

“Until after your birthday—what’s that, about six months away? It will give Father enough time to iron things out with the Schwartzes, and maybe Constance will have a new beau by then. I’ll continue to work and save money to start our life together. Your father will be thrilled that you’ll be finishing up your last year of schooling, and he won’t have any reason to think that you’re going to become Amish when you’re legally an adult and marry me. It will work out perfectly this way.”

The intensity and speed of his words beat into my head as I repeated them over again in the silence. Wait six months—it was impossible. Anger rose in me.

“So you’re okay with us being apart for that long, having to put our lives on hold once again to accommodate everyone else—and now Constance?”

“Don’t go getting jealous. What I’ve done to her is terrible, and I can’t just go on without taking her feelings into consideration. It would be wrong to do so. Besides, I just listed off all the reasons it’s in our best interest to wait. For once we need to follow the course of patience and faith, Rose. We’ve made such a mess of things in the past. Let’s do this the right way and begin our life together in the best light.”

My heart was breaking. Now, even Noah was keeping us apart.

When I didn’t speak, Noah’s voice came out quiet, his words apprehensive. “Unless, there’s some other reason to hurry things along? Is that the case, sweetheart?”

I heard Summer’s voice in my head, and then I thought about Noah’s desire to protect Constance and her feelings. The fact that the community seemed more important to him than me woke me from the deep sleep I’d been living in for the past week.

Noah didn’t want to hear the truth. He wouldn’t be happy to know that his well-laid plans were about to go up in smoke. For the first time I had an excuse to lie.

“No reason at all.”

As Noah tilted my chin and began covering my face with featherlight kisses, I sighed and let him love me.

At that moment, I felt no guilt, and I wondered if that was even worse than the lying part.

7

Sarah

As I untied Juniper, I felt the tingle of being watched and turned to look around the dark interior of the barn. When Micah stepped out from behind the wooden post, I wasn’t surprised. His brazen behavior was getting worse, and secretly I loved it.

He smiled and said, “Do you need any help hitching up your horse?”

Unable to keep my foot still, I pushed at the shavings on the ground with the toe of my black shoe. “Thank you very much, but I’m fine.” I placed my attention back on Juniper’s head.

“I knew you’d refuse me.”

Catching the slightly raised pitch of his voice, I glanced back and met his green-eyed stare.

Lowering my voice, I said, “You really must stop this.”

“Why?”

“We’ve already gone over it. It’s better if we don’t talk anymore, because of the situation brewing between our families.”

“You didn’t pay any attention to Edwin during volleyball. What does that mean, then?”

I sighed. Micah was so different from Edwin. If I didn’t make eyes with Edwin or start up a quick exchange of words, he was too shy to approach me. I had to do all the work or nothing would ever get done with the boy. Micah was the opposite. He was forward to the point of rattling my nerves.

“Again, it’s none of your business what happens between me and him. I wish you’d just leave it be.”

“I caught you looking at me several times during the service.”

My face reddened with the heat that suddenly flamed my cheeks.

“I only turned your way because you were so rudely staring at me. I’m surprised the entire community didn’t notice.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad if they did.”

“You’re being silly. Please excuse me while I take the horse to the buggy.”

Shocking me, Micah blocked the back of the stall. If I continued to nudge Juniper in that direction, he’d get trampled.

“Why isn’t Noah assisting you? Where is he, anyway?”

I wasn’t supposed to know where Noah was, but deep down I had my own suspicion why he’d hurried off to take Mother home, completely forgetting about me and Rachel. After listening from behind closed doors several times this week, I was fairly certain Rose was involved.

Part of me was happy for him, knowing in my heart all along that she was the girl for him—even though she was born English. But I also feared the trouble that would be stirred when it came to pass.

“Since my father must attend the meeting called by yours, Noah took Mother home. Now if you’ll kindly step aside, I’ll be on my way, too.”

He stepped out of the way and motioned widely with his arm. I ignored the frown on his face as my heart raced. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him longer, even if it wasn’t the most pleasant kind of talk. As much as I tried to push Micah away, I felt myself growing closer to him each time we came together.

“Thank you,” I muttered, not looking up as I passed by him.

Before I cleared the doorway, he raced up behind me and tapped my shoulder. His touch made me catch my breath, but I stopped and glanced back, anyway.

“Wait. There’s something I want to give you. It isn’t much—I made it the other day when I had a little free time.”

He handed me a soft, tan strip of leather. When I turned it over, I gasped as I read the engraving of my name.

“It’s a bookmark,” he said quietly.

I looked up and met his gaze. When he smiled and shrugged, my heart melted, and I knew that I was lost to him. All the anxiety I’d carried before vanished. As if my eyes were opened for the first time, I saw the young man before me...and I knew he was mine. The contentment that filled me was sweeter than honey, and I returned his smile.

“Sarah, what are you doing?” Jacob’s voice boomed from the barn opening. I quickly tucked the leather beneath my apron and tugged on Juniper’s reins. Micah moved swiftly by without looking at me or my oldest brother and left the barn.

“What was that all about?” Jacob said as he stepped in front of me. His eyes flashed accusingly, and I was suddenly angry.

“Only me getting Juniper ready to harness—there was no need to startle me so.”

“I’m not blind. I saw that you were talking to Micah.”

“And what if I was? It isn’t against the rules to say hello to someone passing by in the barn, is it?”

Jacob smoothed the small amount of hair on his chin down in a movement very much like Father before he said softly, “I’m not giving you a hard time, Sarah. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Whatever makes you think that I’ll get hurt?”

“Elijah Schwartz will never allow one of his sons to become involved with a Miller. Not after what Noah did to his daughter. There are too many other eligible young men for you to court around here. Don’t go after something that is only going to cause you grief. Take the lesson learned from Noah and his disastrous choices.”

From somewhere deep within me, defiance grew, and I met Jacob’s stern gaze. “My situation is nothing like Noah’s. There is no reason that our heavenly father would work to keep Micah and I apart if we chose to be together. We share the same faith, beliefs and community. Elijah Schwartz has no right to interfere.”

The smile that rose on Jacob’s face was unexpected. “You looked a whole lot like Father when you said that.” Chuckling, he took the reins from me and turned to take Juniper to the buggy. As he walked away, he said over his shoulder, “I reckon Elijah might have met his match.”

How did I go from not wanting anything to do with Micah Schwartz to defending a relationship that hadn’t even begun with him to my oldest brother, and all in the matter of some minutes?

I didn’t know the answer, but for the first time I was the one in the family having some excitement.

And, I liked the feeling a whole lot.

8

Sam

I set the bowl of ice cream down to answer the door. Who the hell would be knocking at this late hour? I wondered. When I looked out the window and saw that it was Hunter, I relaxed and opened the door. With Rose’s situation, I was always ready for the worst.

“Hey, bro, what’s going on?” I asked Hunter as he slid past me to stand in the foyer.

“Is Rose home?”

I ran my fingers roughly through my hair while I quickly thought of an answer. I certainly wasn’t going to tell him that she’d been knocked up by Mr. Suspenders and was off on some sneaky liaison with him that Summer had hatched. No, the less Hunter knew, the better, but I was still majorly bummed that things hadn’t worked out between him and my sister. Hunter was a good guy, especially now that he’d quit drinking.

“She’s out with Summer, doing some girl thing.”

“Do you mind if I hang around for a while and wait for her?”

He didn’t exactly sound like he was begging, but his eyes were for sure. Damn, under the current circumstances, having Hunter in the house when Rose returned could be a national disaster in the making.

“Uh, man, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. She just got home last night and she’s still settling in. You know how temperamental she is.”

Hunter smiled. “Yeah, I do, but I don’t mind if she has a meltdown. I need to talk to her.”

Part of me was becoming aggravated that the guy wasn’t listening to me, but the other part had to respect his persistence. It was just a shame that he didn’t have a chance now.

“Look, it’s your skin that’s going to get chewed up and spit out if she comes home in a mood.”

Hunter followed me into the family room, and we’d barely sat down in front of the TV when Summer and Rose came through the door.

Summer shot me a look that gave me the heads-up that she was upset with me, but Rose didn’t even take the time to look my way before she began her barrage.

“What’s he doing here? Are you insane or just stupid, Sam?”

“Hunter’s my friend, and he can come by whenever he wants.”

“Oh, is that so? Even with everything going on, you’d do that to me?”

I glanced at Hunter’s look of shock and Summer’s narrowed eyes. I was screwed no matter what I said.

“So, I guess things didn’t go so well with your meeting?” The words tumbled out of my mouth without much thought. I really just wanted to get back to my bowl of ice cream and the episode of Swamp People, but it was unlikely that would be happening anytime soon the way Summer was glaring at me.

“Can you ever just keep your mouth shut?” Summer growled.

Rose turned and ran from the room. Summer paused long enough to shake her head at me and mutter something that was mostly unintelligible, except for the word idiot, before pursuing Rose. Their stomping feet could be heard going up the stairs before a door slammed shut.

“That didn’t go well, did it?” Hunter asked quietly.

I thought for a second and said, “Actually, it could have been much worse.”

“The night isn’t over yet,” he said as he walked past the couch toward the stairs.

I leaped up and followed him.

“Where are you going?”

Without slowing to glance my way, he replied, “I’m going to talk to Rose.”

“Are you nuts?”

“No, I’m perfectly sane, just in love.”

I grabbed Hunter’s shoulder as he began climbing the stairs, stopping him.

“You couldn’t possibly fall in love so quickly,” I argued.

“Some people do. It might not be your thing, but give me a break here.”

“Trust me, I am. You don’t want to go up there.”

“Just try and stop me.”

Hunter’s eyes held a cold glint that I hadn’t seen before. The dude was dead serious. I lifted my hands in the air and backed down the step.

“I warned you.”

I returned to the couch but purposely left the door open. Hunter was still my friend, after all. I was expecting to have to rescue his ass in a few minutes, anyway.

9

Rose

“What is he doing here?” I demanded of Summer, knowing full well that she was as clueless as me.

“Maybe he came by to see Sam. They are friends and all,” Summer suggested as she flopped onto my bed.

I shook my head. “No, there’s more to it than that. Hunter won’t quit. He won’t accept that I’m with Noah again.”

“How do you feel about that?” Summer asked quietly.

I took a deep breath and sighed. “It doesn’t really matter now, does it? I’m pregnant and I have to marry Noah.”

Summer sprang off the bed and grabbed my arms. “Whoa, you have options. Life isn’t over because you’re pregnant.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the bed.

“You never did tell me how Noah reacted,” Summer said as she joined me. She placed her arm around my shoulder.

Staring at the ugly wallpaper adorning my walls, I quickly thought about what I should say. Even though she hadn’t come right out with it, I knew Summer was already against Noah. If I told her what he’d said, she’d really get down on him.

“I took your advice. I’m going to wait a little while longer before I break the news.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“From the first moment I laid eyes on Noah, I’ve acted impulsively...and look where it got me. I’m going to take things slower from now on and really think everything through before I make a decision.”

Summer pulled me into a tight hug and said, “That’s a girl. You’re not alone, either. Sam and I will be there with you every step of the way.”

I sniffed back the tears and returned her hug. The smell of her flowery shampoo tickled my nose, and I was suddenly very grateful to have her by my side.

The soft knock at the door separated us. Summer’s face scrunched into a frown, and she said loudly, “Go away, Sam, I’m busy with Rose.”

There was a silent pause before Hunter’s voice called out.

“It’s me. Rose, can we talk for a minute? I promise if you hear me out, I’ll leave when you ask me to.” Another pause and he said, “Please, Rose.”

Summer’s frown disappeared, and she looked at me thoughtfully, shrugging her shoulders.

“Maybe you should listen. What harm can it do?” Summer leaned in and whispered.

A whole lot, I thought, but instead of trusting my instincts to keep distance between me and Hunter, I reluctantly nodded.

“If you need me, give a shout. I’ll be right downstairs.” Summer squeezed me one more time and then hopped off the bed.

When Summer opened the door, Hunter smiled thankfully at her as she held her arm out, allowing him to pass.

She quietly shut the door behind her, and I was alone with Hunter.

I couldn’t look at him. Too much guilt. Noah was the love of my life, but Hunter had touched my heart. He’d been there when I’d needed a friend...and he’d accepted me unconditionally. His willingness to change colleges to be close to me flooded my memory, and sometimes I wondered if I’d regret someday not picking him over Noah.

He moved across the room swiftly and sat where Summer had been. Touching my chin, he lifted it, forcing me to face him.

“Please, don’t ignore me. I hate this awkwardness between us. Have you forgotten how you used to talk to me—and laugh with me?”

When my eyes met his greenish-hazel ones, I was once again mesmerized by the little brown flecks in them. He flicked his head slightly when a few strands of his blond hair fell over one of them. The action reminded me of so many other times he’d done the same thing, and I relaxed a bit.

“I remember, but it can’t be like that anymore. I’m with Noah, and I’m afraid that you won’t let up and accept it.”

Hunter sighed and looked straight ahead. When he spoke, his voice held a tone of defeat that made me suddenly sad.

“I’m sorry I’ve pushed you to be with me. I just couldn’t help it. I’ve had this feeling all along that we’re meant to be together— Guess I was wrong. I won’t bother you anymore if that’s what you want.”

My heart was greedy. Even though I knew it was wrong to keep Hunter on standby, I didn’t want to lose him. When I glanced at the side of his face looking so depressed, I needed to comfort him.

Reaching out, I touched his cheek lightly with the back of my fingers and said, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

Too quick for me to pull away, he turned and wrapped his arms around me. He did no more than hug me tightly, and the warmth and security of his hold felt good.

Letting him continue to embrace me, I pressed my face against his chest.

“I know you didn’t mean to make me fall in love with you. It was my fault that I ever thought I could rid your mind of Noah,” he said quietly.

I pulled back to look up at his frown and felt a sharp sense of loss myself.

“I do have feelings for you, Hunter. I don’t want you to think I don’t. It’s just that it’s not the same as what’s between me and Noah.”

When he sighed, I looked at him, and he said, “Are you happy to be back in Meadowview?”

Was I happy? I didn’t even know my own feelings anymore. The fear of being pregnant was even worse now that Noah wanted to wait before bringing our relationship out in the open. I could understand his reasons, even though I didn’t like them. I didn’t have room to be worrying about Constance’s feelings. I couldn’t afford to be generous at this point in my life, not with a baby to think about.

The pressure inside of me began pushing outward, and I suddenly felt as if I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Hunter had helped me get a grip on my emotions before—maybe he could do it again.

“It doesn’t really matter where I live now,” I whispered, staring straight ahead.

“I thought you’d be ecstatic to be so close to Noah.”

I hesitated and remained silent.

“Look, I’m not mad or anything. I really want you to be happy...and I hope we can remain friends.”

Hunter’s voice was sincere, and when I glanced at his face, I couldn’t keep the secret any longer.

I blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

Hunter’s eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open. I watched him turn away and take a breath before he faced me again. Seeing that his expression was neutral gave me confidence that I hadn’t made a mistake telling him.

“What is Noah going to do about it?

Realizing that I’d just told Hunter about the baby before Noah, I felt a stab of guilt. But the slight tremor of anger toward Noah for proposing to Constance still heated my insides, and I pushed aside the troubling thought.

“He doesn’t know yet.”

“What? How come you haven’t told him? You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone,” Hunter said harshly, his voice rising.

“Shhh, my dad doesn’t know about it, either. Just Sam, Summer and Justin.” I paused, catching my breath. “Justin figured it out on his own, but Sam and Summer were with me when I took the tests.”

“You still haven’t told me why Noah doesn’t know yet.”

I fidgeted for a second, worrying what Hunter would think about my relationship with Noah when he knew the truth.

“I was going to tell him tonight, but I just couldn’t. He has our future planned out in his head, and a baby isn’t part of it right now.”

“What do you mean? I’m sure he’d be thrilled if you’re pregnant. Then he has you trapped forever.”

Fire swelled in me. I sat up straighter and said, “I’m not trapped. I can still make my own decisions.”

Hunter groaned. “That may be true to an extent, but Noah’s part of the equation, and he’ll use the situation to make sure you never leave him.” He stared at me with a deep frown and said, “How could you let this happen? Now you have no choice but to become Amish.”

I wanted to be with Noah, more than anything. Even if I had to become Amish to do it. But then why did what he’d just said make my belly do a somersault? Were my choices really gone?

Reading my mind, Hunter’s voice softened when he said, “I guess you don’t have to become Amish if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to raise the baby. There are other options.”

I looked at him questioningly, and he said, “My cousin gave her baby up for adoption.”

The subject of other options for my pregnancy hadn’t come up with Summer or Sam. I think they just assumed that I would keep the baby...and so had I. I understood why some girls would choose to go that route, but the thought of giving the child I created with Noah away made the bile rise from my already queasy stomach.

I swallowed down the hot juices and muttered, “I’m keeping my baby. How could you suggest such a thing?”

“I hate to think of you in this situation. You’re still important to me and this pregnancy changes everything.” He paused and lowered his voice. “You’re going to have to tell your dad about this. It’s too important not to.”

“That’s what Sam says.”

“He’s right. I’m sure you’re afraid to and all, but he’s a doctor. He’ll understand better than most parents.”

I shook my head. “He’ll be devastated...and he’ll probably ship me back to Cincinnati to live with Aunt Debbie. I need to get some things straightened out with Noah before I tell Dad.”

“When do you plan to let Noah in on it?”

“Sam thinks I should do it right away, but Summer wants me to wait. She thinks that I need more time to decide about the whole Amish thing...and to be honest, I’m not sure that I want to be Amish anymore.”

Hunter was quiet for a minute and so was the house. I listened for any sign that Summer and Sam might be arguing, but heard nothing. The only noise was the wind rattling the window every so often.

“If you aren’t absolutely certain about the course you want your life to take, then give it a little more time to decide.”

“You really think so?”

Hunter put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulders softly. I rested my head in the crook of his arm.

“If you decide to take care of the baby on your own, you’ll have support from your family and friends. And, from me— It doesn’t make a difference that it’s Noah’s child. I’ll be there for you one hundred percent no matter what you decide.”

As I listened to his heart beat against my cheek, I was more confused than ever.

10

Noah

Marcus Bontrager shifted on his feet uneasily as Father and I watched him. When he wouldn’t meet my gaze, instead looking down at the ground in front of the Yoders’ barn where the church service had just been held, I knew that I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.

“I’m really sorry, Amos, but Elijah already put money down on the land. It’s sold.”

Father’s face turned red, and he tugged his beard before saying, “Its Sunday, Marcus, and I frown upon talking business, but you assured me weeks ago that Noah had the option on the acres. What changed, my friend?”

Marcus glanced up at Father and me for an instant. His voice lowered, and he said, “When it was announced last week that the wedding plans had fallen through, I reckoned you Millers wouldn’t be interested in the property. Elijah visited me some nights ago and made me a good offer.”

“Since your land joins mine, we won’t be able to find such an arrangement elsewhere.” Father paused and leaned in, placing his hand on Marcus’s shoulder. “Please, reconsider.”

Marcus shook his head, saying, “It was never my intention to breach our trust, but a man must look after his own interest. The amount Elijah offered couldn’t be ignored.” He turned to me and added, “I wish you the best of luck, Noah. It’s not personal.”

After Marcus had walked off, Father sighed heavily.

“I can hardly believe that Elijah would go so far as to spend his own money to go against us.”

Jacob, who had been holding back, exclaimed, “That isn’t the half of it, Father.”

Father lifted his eyes to the sky and took a deep breath. “What else do you know of?”

“I just heard talk that Elijah has befriended Mervin Weaver.”

Any patience had left Father’s voice when he motioned with his hand for Jacob to spit it out. “Where is this gossip coming from?”

“Katie overheard her parents discussing the matter last night. They want to call a vote to keep Rose from rejoining the church, and Elijah has asked Bishop Abram to not allow their wedding to take place within the community.”

I burst out, “He can’t do that.”

Father put his hands on each of our shoulders and hustled us farther away from the barn as people were leaving the service.

“Hush now, Noah. There are prying ears everywhere. No, I don’t believe that Elijah will be successful in the endeavor. Both you and Rose have many friends among our people. But the man’s persistence is troubling.”

“What can we do?” Jacob asked. My older brother stood straight and tall, and he appeared ready for immediate action.

Father shook his head and said, “For now, we wait. Once the sting of the wedding cancellation lessens, I’m hoping that Elijah will become preoccupied with other things.”

“And if that doesn’t happen?” I said, suddenly worried that the feud could go on for years. I wasn’t waiting that long to be with Rose.

“We’ll take that day when it comes, and not a moment sooner. It is not our way to fuss over the choices of our children. Elijah’s actions are not being dictated by scripture or law of God. His own pride is corrupting him.” He glanced between us and added, “This should be taken as a good lesson for the two of you. Our people are not our enemies and should never be treated as such.”

I couldn’t help the aggravated sigh that escaped my mouth. Father grasped my arm and warned, “Noah, be vigilant nowadays. You and Rose will be joined in due time, but this storm must settle before that happens. Please, for once in your life, take heed of what I say and control your emotions.”

Reluctantly, I said, “Yes, Father.”

He was right, and I knew it, but it was more difficult than ever to be kept from Rose. All I wanted to do was to have her by my side and begin our lives together, but everyone under the sun was working against us.

Father and Jacob left together to hitch up their horses, but I lingered at the fence line watching a newborn foal as it punched with its nose at its dam’s udder for milk. A beautiful sight, but I was thinking about Rose, wondering what she was doing on the warm, sunny morning.

I ignored the sound of the buggy’s wheels crunching on the gravel behind me until I heard my name called out. Micah Schwartz stepped out of the buggy and walked the few steps to reach me.

His hair curled out from under his hat, and I was thinking to myself that he needed a haircut when he said, “Constance wants to speak to you.” He nodded toward the buggy, darting his eyes back and forth to see if anyone was watching.

“It isn’t proper for me to be alone with her. Your father would have my hide.”

Micah nodded with understanding, and I suddenly realized that he was a likable fellow.

“Father and the rest of the family have left, but I’ll stay close to the buggy in case questions are raised.”

My heart stilled. The last thing in the world I wanted to do this morning was to talk to the girl whose heart I’d broken, but seeing the determination in Micah’s eyes to make it happen, I knew I couldn’t refuse. I owed Constance that much.

When I climbed into the buggy, I avoided her gaze at first and sat as far from her on the seat as possible. Since the space was small, we were still closer than I wanted.

Her voice was petal soft when she spoke, and I finally glanced up at her oval face. She really was doll-like with her pale skin, dark eyes and auburn hair. She’d have no problem finding a new suitor, I thought. She was too pretty a girl to be left alone for long.

“Even for all the embarrassment this meeting causes me, I still needed to talk to you about it. I don’t understand and wish that you could make me see your side of things.”

Her mouth frowned slightly, but her face did not look at me with the hatred I would have expected. Constance really was a good girl, and I regretted even more that I’d hurt her at all.

“I want you to know that when we were together I was absolutely sincere in my feelings for you. I cared deeply for you, and I still do. But my love for Rose consumes me. She is the woman I’m supposed to be with, and I realize that now.”

“You told me that you were over her, that she wasn’t right for you. Why change your mind?”

I glanced at her but couldn’t look into her staring eyes for long.

“It wasn’t our fault. Her father and brother wrote a letter basically saying that she was moving on in her English world. I was heartbroken, but let her go, thinking that it might be best for both of us. After I learned the truth and saw her again, I realized that she was the only woman for me. I’m sorry that I got you involved in our troubles.”

Her voice changed, and there was a hint of coolness in it that I’d never heard before.

“You asked me to marry you, Noah. That’s a very serious thing. Now I see that you never loved me at all but, instead, were trying to erase your hurt feelings about the English girl by using me. As a Christian woman, I will forgive you, but I’ll never forget what you’ve done to me. You deserve to suffer a little before you find your happiness in life...just as I will do.”

I was shocked at her words. I would have expected Ella, the crazy Amish girl who’d been obsessed with me since we were children, to make such a proclamation, but not the timid Constance who’d thawed my heart after I’d thought Rose had left me. Knowing more about her father, I really shouldn’t have been so surprised, but I still was.

I sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, Constance...truly I am.”

Micah peeked in the doorway and said, “Noah, you need to leave now. It’s been long enough to raise suspicions.”

I stepped out of the buggy without another word to Constance.

After the buggy pulled away, Sarah appeared beside me and asked, “What did Micah say to you?”

Her question pulled me from my own heavy thoughts.

My sister’s eyes were wide and bright, and her face shone. She looked different, and after a second of concentration, all my own problems disappeared for an instant.

“Are you interested in Micah?”

When Sarah blushed and looked down at her feet, I had my answer. Good God, the girl didn’t have a clue what she was getting herself into.

Lowering my voice, I told her, “Don’t even go there, Sarah. That family is nothing but trouble. Elijah Schwartz will never allow his son to court you after what I did to his daughter.”

Her voice prickled when she said, “It’s none of your concern or Jacob’s which boy I show favor to.” With a kick at the gravel, she added, “At least he’s one of us. Surely, things will be easier for us than they will be for you and Rose.”

The words slapped me, and I stepped back. Her face suddenly became remorseful, and she followed me and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I’m just upset that you echoed Jacob’s own sentiment.” She mumbled, “Now I understand how you felt when you couldn’t be with Rose. Why is the world so unfair?”

I stopped, suddenly feeling closer to my younger sister than I ever had. We really did have something in common.

“God willing, in the end I’ll be with Rose and you’ll be with Micah, if you choose him.”

Sarah smiled and nodded. As we walked back to the barn to get the horse hitched, I worried that God might have other plans for my sister and me.

A feeling of uneasiness pinched my soul as I watched Sarah carefully back Oscar from the tie stall. She was such a sweet girl, and the thought that my actions were causing her grief darkened my mood even further.

Out of all of us, Sarah deserved happiness the most. I was bound and determined to make sure that she had it—even if it meant putting my own life on hold for a while longer.

11

Sarah

A million butterflies fluttered in my belly as I played volleyball. Each time I glanced toward the net where Micah was, he’d be looking straight at me and I’d turn away quickly.

His brazenness awakened my spirit, and I’d found myself thinking about him constantly. It was difficult to get my chores done properly when visions of his bright green eyes and lightly tanned face would pop up unexpectedly. It had become more difficult over the past couple of days to concentrate, and my mind had been filled with remembering each and every word he’d ever said to me. I’d replay all of our meetings, analyzing his comments to the point of exhaustion.

Mother thought I was sick and had offered to allow me to return to bed. My younger sister, Rachel, had mocked me for being an old woman with hearing problems when I’d ignored her while we’d hung the laundry together.

My thoughts drifted back to this morning when I’d talked to Noah. I really did understand how he felt. The longing to be with someone could cause a person to do silly things. I’d already been thinking of opportunities to speak with Micah again, but hadn’t come up with anything even remotely promising.

“Sarah, snap out of it. You’re missing every ball that comes your way,” Suzanna scolded.

Wisps of her pale blond hair fluttered around her face in the evening breeze, and her cap was slightly crooked.

The game stopped when I reached over and felt along the top of her head to pull out the pin. Suzanna stood still for me to set the cap back on straight while I answered her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see them.”

“And you didn’t hear me calling you?” She gently shook my shoulder and said, “Are you sweet on someone, Sarah Miller?”

Of course, Miranda was standing in Suzanna’s shadow, and pudgy Maretta had appeared beside my elbow. All the girls stared at me, waiting for an answer.

I nodded slowly, heat rising on my face. All eyes widened and Suzanna grabbed my arm, ushering me away from the nets. She settled on a grassy spot some distance from the games and pulled me to the ground. Miranda and Maretta followed suit, and I found myself sitting in the middle of their gawking faces.

“It’s Edwin, isn’t it?” Maretta muttered.

“Oh, Lord, I hope not. He’s so boring,” Suzanna put in.

Miranda cleared her throat and said, “Hush and let Sarah tell us herself.”

All eyes looked at me expectantly, and I whispered, “Do you swear to keep it to yourselves?”

They nodded vigorously as I expected. Feeling a rush of giddiness, I said, “Micah Schwartz.”

The looks on the girls went from interest to pure shock in an instant.

Suzanna glanced around and then said, “Are you crazy? Since Noah quit Constance, Micah is off-limits to you.”

Miranda, the most thoughtful of the group, must have pitied me when she chastised Suzanna, giving me a bit of hope. “I don’t see any reason why they can’t be together. Noah, Constance and Rose have nothing to do with Micah and Sarah. They’re both of courting age and members of our church. Once Mr. Schwartz settles down about the whole business, it will be fine.” She reached over and patted my hand.

Suzanna stayed silent, but Maretta jumped and smiled. “Are you sure you don’t want Edwin, Sarah?”

“I’m sure...why?”

“I’ve always liked him. I think I’ll make eyes at him and see what he does.” She scowled at Suzanna and added, “I don’t think he’s boring at all.”

I watched her jog away toward the nets with a deep sense of rightness. Maretta was meant to go after Edwin all along. She had just been waiting for me to make a decision about him. Now, she was free to pursue her heart.

I was smiling broadly when Suzanna said, “I have to admit the two of them are perfect for each other. He’ll never have to talk with Maretta around, and that will suit him just fine.” Then her face became serious, and she said, “Have you and Micah discussed a courtship?”

“No, not exactly, but he gave me a gift. Do you think he likes me?”

“What did he give you?” Suzanna asked.

I pulled the soft leather strap from my pocket and showed the girls. They each leaned in, and Miranda ran her fingers down the engraving of my name.

“It’s very pretty,” Miranda murmured.

“If he made this himself, then he definitely likes you,” Suzanna said with sureness.

Her words made me feel lighter, but the worry was still present in my heart.

“I’m afraid to say a word to my parents about it. They’re so worked up over the matter with Noah and Constance that I don’t want to burden them further.”

Suzanna flicked her hand. “Two people falling in love shouldn’t be a burden. Old man Schwartz is overreacting if you ask me.”

After another quick search of the area and seeing that the games were over and the boys were taking down the nets, I said, “Have either of you spoken to Rose? I do miss her so.”

Suzanna and Miranda shook their heads, but even as darkness was setting in, I could see the twitch of excitement on Suzanna’s face and I was suddenly very worried.

12

Sam

I tried to kiss Summer, but she wiggled out of my arms and said, “Where’s Rose?”

“She’s upstairs, clutching her puke bucket to her chest as usual. She’s managed to hide the fact that she’s always sick from Dad—probably because he’s never around. She even convinced him to let her finish up her classes online so she doesn’t have to do the few weeks until the end of school here in Meadowview. You know, I’m close to the point of taking matters into my own hands.”

Summer’s face tightened, and she pointed her finger at me. “You wouldn’t dare. You promised to give her some time to know for sure.”

I left Summer in the foyer and went into the family room, saying, “I’m just worried about her health.”

I wasn’t surprised that when I flopped on the couch, she was right beside me.

“This is serious. Rose needs to be checked out by a doctor. Dad needs to know. Hell, Noah should know.”

“You don’t even like Noah,” Summer nearly shrieked. She was cute when she got riled up. I just wished what we were discussing wasn’t so damned important.

“He’s still the father, and he needs to step up and help Rose out.” It made perfect sense to me, but whenever I broached the subject with Summer, she always went into hysterics.

Summer’s eyes narrowed, and she lightly punched my arm. “You better not say a word to Noah about this, Sam, or...”

I cut her off. “Or what? It will be over between us? Please, don’t throw that one at me. You’re stuck with me and you know it. Besides, you’re way off base on this one.”

Surprising me, Justin, who I thought was in a video game haze in front of the TV, spoke up quite clearly, “You’re both wrong.”

“Spit it out, kid. What do you mean?” Summer asked, focusing her anger on the back of Justin’s head.

“It’s Aunt Debbie who should be told. She’d know what to do to help Rose, and she can keep a secret, so none of us would be breaking our oath to not tell Dad or Noah.”

I looked at Summer, whose face was scrunched in thought. When her gaze met mine, she shrugged and said, “What do you think?”

Never a day went by that I didn’t think about Mom and wish that she was still alive, but this was one of those moments when I really wanted her to walk through the door and take charge of the hysteria that our lives had become. But that was impossible, and the next best option was her sister, Aunt Debbie. She was more of a free spirit than Mom, but she still had a commanding way about her. I trusted her to handle a family crisis like this one.

“As usual, you surprise me, little bro. We’ll give Rose a few more days and then make the call.”

The knock at the door brought me and Summer quickly back into the foyer. It wasn’t very often that we had company after dark, living in the boondocks.

I hadn’t gotten the door open more than twelve inches when Summer squealed and pushed me aside to open it more quickly.

There was a flurry of drab-colored dresses and white caps bouncing around for a minute before things calmed down.

I recognized the blonde girl who’d flirted with me the night on the road, but not the slender girl with the black eyes and pale skin. The healthier-looking girl with the brown hair and lighter eyes of the same color seemed familiar.

“I didn’t think you ladies were allowed to go visiting your non-Amish neighbors after dark.” I couldn’t help smirking, even though Summer shot me a look that would have killed most men.

The blonde answered with a tilt to her head, “We’re sorry to come by unannounced. We’d like to visit your sister, if we may.”

For a second I was without words. All that could be heard was the tapping of Summer’s foot while the girls looked expectantly at me. I wasn’t used to girls asking me before they did something. At that moment, I could almost understand Noah’s insistence on staying Amish.

I was careful not to look at Summer’s face, but I had the feeling she was glaring when I said, “Sure thing. Stay as long as you want. She’s upstairs. You know the way.”

The girls brushed past me, following closely behind Summer.

It was an odd sight, and Justin obviously agreed when he finally roused from his gamer chair and peeked around me to watch the girls heading up the stairs.

“Ever since we moved here I’ve felt like I’m caught in the middle of an insane reality show version of Little House on the Prairie,” Justin said before he turned and disappeared back into the family room.

I mumbled to myself, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

13

Rose

I was expecting to see Summer walk through the door, but when Suzanna, Miranda and Sarah followed her in I leaped from the bed right into Suzanna’s arms. In turn, I hugged Miranda and then clutched Sarah even more tightly than the others. A couple of minutes later, the five of us were all cross-legged on the bed.

“I still can’t believe you shot Levi,” Suzanna exclaimed.

“And jabbed his eye out,” Miranda added with a look of awe on her face.

The mention of Levi brought a flash of images through my mind that I didn’t want to see or think about. I shrugged and gazed out the window into the dark.

Sarah must have sensed my reluctance to speak of it. She coughed lightly and said, “We’re relieved that you’re all right, Rose. I envy your strength. If I’d been in the same situation, I wouldn’t have been so brave.”

Turning to Sarah, I had to admire her subtle beauty. Her brown hair with its golden highlights was similar to the rest of the Miller kids, but her wide-spaced eyes were a lighter brown than those of her siblings. Those eyes were deep pools that seemed sad most of the time. Noah’s sister always spoke kind words in a soft voice. I wished I was so naturally nice.

“I’m sure if you were faced with a life-or-death situation, you’d be able do the right thing, too,” I said quietly.

Sarah nodded and then reached over to squeeze my hand.

I looked at Miranda with reservation. She was Levi’s sister, although she certainly had no reason to love him after the sick things he’d done to her when she was younger. But still, I’d nearly killed Levi when he’d come to Cincinnati to attack me. Could she really forgive me for doing such a thing?

“Miranda, I’m sorry about what happened with Levi, but he left me no choice.”

Miranda scooted closer and hugged me. “Don’t you dare apologize—he would’ve killed you for sure.” She whispered into my ear, “I’ve been taught the way of grace, and I forgive Levi...but I’ll never forget what he did to me. He deserved the punishment you served on him.”

When she pulled back, her eyes were moist, and she hurriedly wiped them with the back of her hand.

In an attempt to lighten the dark mood that had descended on the room, Suzanna giggled. “Have you heard, Rose—we all have suitors now.”

“Hush now, that’s not true!” Sarah exclaimed with wide eyes.

Summer finally woke from her silence and said, “Whoa now, did Sarah finally tell that Edwin dude how it was going to be?”

I was surprised when I saw the clear distress on Sarah’s face. Her voice rose to a level I’d never heard from her when she nearly shouted, “It’s not Edwin—it’s Micah!”

Summer and I exchanged a confused glance. I said, “Who’s Micah?”

The amused smirk on Suzanna’s face contrasted greatly with Sarah’s worried frown.

Sarah murmured, “Oh, just a new boy in the community.”

“Not just any boy, either.” Miranda paused and looked to Suzanna for approval of what she was about to say. When Suzanna nodded, Miranda added, “He’s Constance’s brother.”

Hearing Noah’s ex-fiancée’s name spoken sent a ripple of instant anger coursing through me.

“When did you begin dating him?” I asked, trying to keep the level of my voice calm.

“Oh, we aren’t official...and we probably never will be, anyway.”

Sarah shrugged. I saw the glint of moisture in her eyes before she turned away.

My heart suddenly went out to her, fearing that I might be the cause of her problems.

“Why would you say such a thing?” When Sarah wouldn’t meet my gaze, I looked at the others. Suzanna and Miranda both shook their heads sadly, and Summer gave me a knowing look.

After a long, uncomfortable silence, Sarah finally said, “Elijah Schwartz doesn’t want his children mingling with the Miller family in the future.”

Suzanna and Miranda exchanged unsure glances when Sarah looked straight at them.

“I guess you girls already know about Rose and Noah being together again, right?”

My heart stopped, and I held my breath. I didn’t think anyone besides Noah’s parents knew.

Suzanna breathed a sigh of relief. “We learned about it by accident.” She looked at me and smiled. “Your guy is kind of dumb about being secretive. We overheard the news. I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“I came down to the kitchen late one night to get a drink when I noticed the lamp on. I wasn’t being sneaky or anything, but I didn’t want to intrude, either. When Mother spoke of it to Father, I heard. Looks like we’ll be sisters, after all,” Sarah said as she patted my leg.

A roll of nausea passed over me, and I swallowed. I wondered at Sarah’s words—would we really be sisters one day? Then I thought of the baby inside of me, Sarah’s own niece or nephew. What would Sarah think if she knew about my pregnancy?

“Reckon, it’s better we get it out in the open, so we can move on to other drama,” Summer said. She turned to Sarah and asked, “So you can’t date this Micah guy you have the hots for, because Noah broke it off with Constance?”

Sarah nodded.

“That is a sticky situation. I’m sure in time, it’ll all sort itself out and his family will be fine with it,” Summer said.

Sarah muttered, “I hope so.”

Hearing the depression in Sarah’s voice, I realized that this was yet another reason for Noah and me to delay being together. If we hooked back up right away, it would make it even worse for Sarah and Micah. Maybe this was another aspect of the situation that Noah was considering when he’d told me that we needed to take our time.

My heart felt lighter, and the angst I’d been carrying toward Noah disappeared. There were more people being affected by our decisions than I’d known. Glancing at Sarah’s worried face, I was determined to do whatever I could to make sure that Noah and I didn’t ruin her chances at being with the guy she loved. Of all people, I could never do that to a friend. I understood too well how awful it was to be kept away from the person you wanted to be with.

I picked up Sarah’s hand and said, “Noah and I are doing things differently this time. I promise we’ll be discreet and keep our relationship hidden until you work things out with your Micah.”

Summer cleared her throat and said, “Ah, do you think you can do that?”

I shot her a warning look that would have wilted most girls. Not Summer, though. She sat up more confidently. “Because I’m not so sure.”

“Yes, I can.” Staring into Summer’s green gaze, I knew she was talking about the baby. I said, “Especially with the help of my friends.”

Summer shook her head and looked away.

But her aggravation was worth the wide smile that Sarah’s face now held.

“Oh, Rose, I don’t know if it will work or not, but it’s worth hoping for,” Sarah breathed with renewed life.

“And, since we are your good friends, we’ll make sure you and Noah get some alone time, in secret,” Suzanna promised.

Not being able to see Noah would be hard, but until I told him about the baby, being around him might be even more difficult.

“It won’t be easy to get us together. Everyone will be watching extra closely now,” I said.

“Don’t underestimate me. I’ve got a plan for everything.” Suzanna grinned. “Like right now, I’ve already got your next meeting arranged.”

I raised my eyebrows, suddenly weary.

“Friday night at the benefit dinner and auction,” Suzanna said.

The prospect of seeing Noah again so soon made my heart race. I was beginning to feel the tingle of excitement about Friday when I caught Summer’s deep frown. Suddenly, I was fearful all over again. I’d be seeing the Amish people I’d left behind months ago when my father had kidnapped me and relocated me to Cincinnati. I wondered if Ruth and James, my foster family, would be happy to see me and what I would do when I faced Ella—or, worse yet, Constance.

With a fresh surge of bile in my throat, I rushed out of the room to the bathroom. Maybe going to the Amish event was a bad idea, after all.

14

Noah

The line of buggies down the fence row was the most I’d ever seen. There were a lot of families from neighboring communities in attendance at the benefit, and I smiled thinking about the money our church would be pulling in for the schoolhouse.

The day was overcast but warm, and I undid my top button now that Mother was too busy with the other ladies in the kitchen to notice. As I watched three English teenage boys walk up the hill together wearing their comfortable jeans and T-shirts, I felt a bit of envy seep in. I loved my way of life, but I wasn’t fond of wearing the clothing, restricted to button-up shirts, sturdy trousers, and suspenders.

Seeing the curious stares of the boys as they passed by me, I turned away angrily. I hated being gawked at, and lately I’d noticed it more than usual.

“Why the sour face?”

Timothy looked worried. With all the craziness in my life nowadays, I understood his hesitation.

“Ah, it’s nothing—just the usual staring eyes of the outsiders.”

“Yeah, I hate that.” With a sudden burst of energy, Timothy exclaimed, “Did you see the black Saddlebred buggy horse that the Yoders donated to the sale? She’s a beautiful mare and Joshua says completely road trained.”

I smiled, picturing the horse. Throughout the day, I’d found myself back in front of her tie stall several times to admire her.

“I’m planning to bid on her. I need a new buggy horse more than anyone in the community at the moment. I hope the others will keep the price down for me to get her.”

“Will your father help out if she goes higher?”

“He said he would—but not a large amount.” Seeing Suzanna and Miranda approach, I teased, “Here comes trouble.”

Timothy’s smile made me think about my feelings for Rose and how I’d love to see her walking up to me. Unfortunately, we’d have to wait awhile longer for such a display. I purposely hadn’t mentioned the dinner and auction to her. It would be difficult to deal with my emotions in front of everyone in the community if she was nearby—especially the Schwartzes. I shivered at the thought of Rose and Constance coming face-to-face.

“Hello there. What are you boys up to?” Suzanna said as she stopped a couple of feet away from us. She was careful not to touch her boyfriend or say anything that could be overheard as being inappropriate. As usual, Miranda stood quietly staring at the ground. Even when Matthew, her own boyfriend, was beside her, she rarely spoke.

“We’re just talking. Judging by your wicked smile, I’m almost afraid to ask what you’re thinking,” Timothy said with a tight face.

Suzanna’s grin turned into a full-blown smile as she looked at me. “You don’t have to worry about a thing, Timmy. It’s Noah we came to talk to.”

“What now?” I asked with a sense of dread.

“Rose is here.”

My heart skipped, and I caught my breath. I was both elated and terrified at the same time.

“Where is she?”

“She’s eating dinner with her younger brother at the tables. She’ll meet you in her truck when darkness falls.” She pointed to the area where the cars were. “It’s parked in the back.”

I didn’t want to be rude, given her obvious excitement at having helped arrange a meeting between me and Rose, and I smiled back and said, “That’s wonderful news. Thank you.”

But inside I was reeling.

15

Rose

My eyes darted around nervously. I couldn’t eat any of the food on my plate for fear I’d throw it up in front of the entire community. Instead, I nibbled a bite here and there and pushed the mashed potatoes around with my fork.

“You really should eat something. The chicken is excellent,” Justin said as he shoved a forkful into his mouth.

I whispered, “You know why I can’t, so stop bugging me about it.”

In a very matter-of-fact way, he said, “You’ll die if you don’t eat.” He lowered his voice and added, “You need to for the baby’s sake, you know.”

“Shhh.” Frustration pricked my insides, and I took a deep breath before I whispered, “I do eat, just not very much at a time and certainly not around a bunch of snoopy people.”

“How long is this going to take? I have friends coming over tonight.”

I looked at my little brother sternly. His eyes were puffy from lack of sleep, and his skin was pale. Normally, when he got out of the house into the fresh air, he was a good-looking fifteen-year-old, but today he was suffering from some serious Xbox fatigue.

All of our lives had changed so dramatically since Mom’s death. She’d never allowed Justin to sit around in front of a TV all day gaming, and she’d never have put up with Sam’s arrogant, bossy ways, either. Most importantly, if Mom were here, I wouldn’t be pregnant—my life would be completely different right now.

But she was gone, and our lives were upside down.

“You promised if I bought you those pizzas for later, you’d come with me tonight.”

“Yeah, I did and I’m here, but we didn’t negotiate how late we’d stay,” he said with a sly grin.

I rolled my eyes. “I already told you, until after dark.” Glancing up at the pale sky, I figured the sun would set in a half hour or so, and suddenly my heart began pounding like crazy that I was about to see Noah.

A soft squeeze on my shoulder brought me around. Ruth Hershberger stood above me with a huge smile on her chubby face. The swell of emotions was too great, and even though I’d rehearsed this moment in my mind several times already, tears began streaking down my cheeks.

When I rose, she pulled me tightly into her cushy body and stroked my hair, which was loose and free. I was suddenly self-conscious that my hair wasn’t beneath a cap, and I smoothed it down when she released me.

Ruth’s eyes were shiny with moisture, but she smiled. James, Ruth’s husband, stood a few feet behind her. He was in quiet conversation with another Amish man, but he paused to look my way and nod at me. My chest tightened at the quick acknowledgment.

Ruth took my hands into her warm ones and said, “How are you, Rose? Have you settled back into your old ways?”

The questioning look in her eyes couldn’t be mistaken. There was hidden meaning in her words.

I glanced around, noticing several pairs of eyes dart away when my gaze passed over them. Everyone in the community was aware that I was here—and they were all waiting to see what happened next.

Nervous energy filled me when I said, “I’m planning to come back. I have to wait until I turn eighteen in the fall, but that’s what I want to do.”

I was partially aware of Justin’s eyes narrowing, but I ignored him to watch the look of shock pass over Ruth’s face. I understood Justin’s feelings, but I couldn’t worry about him right now. I had too much going on in my life.

“My dear girl, I wasn’t expecting you to say such a thing. I thought that being in your old life would have changed your mind.” She paused and searched around, before lowering her voice and leaning in. “Especially now that you aren’t courting Noah Miller...unless there’s something else you’d like to tell me.”

Her probing eyes brought me to my senses. Ruth was too sharp for her own good. I wanted to do this Noah’s way and help his sister out in the process. The last thing we needed was for the older women to be gossiping about our business. As much as I respected and cared for Ruth, she was still one of authority.

Thinking quickly, I said, “Oh, no, there are no secrets these days. I’m going to do as my dad wants and give my world another chance before I make a definite decision.”

She nodded and brought me back into a quick hug. She whispered in my ear, “You’re always welcome to come back. If you need anything at all, you can trust me.”

“You better let loose of her, Ruth. We all want to talk to our Rose.”

The sound of Mrs. Miller’s voice warmed my insides, and I turned to her and got another bone-crushing embrace. As Noah’s mother patted me on the back, I wished I could tell her that she was going to be a grandmother, but then I spied his fifteen-year-old sister, Rachel, peeking out from behind her, and I came to my senses. She smiled and said, “We’ve missed you.”

Maybe the pregnancy made me even more emotional than usual, but from the time I was in Rebecca Miller’s arms until I was sitting on the bench closely beside Katie Miller, Noah’s sister-in-law, I held in a lot of tears.

I was amazed at how welcoming all of the women were being. Even the bishop’s wife, Martha, had joined the reunion with a brilliant smile and a warm hug. The reception I received from the women who I’d only been with for some months touched me deeply, and I began imagining how wonderful it would be to be a part of that kind of comradeship again.

When a group of young boys asked us to vacate the table so that they could take it down, we moved into the building and everyone’s voices continued to fill the air. The sun had disappeared, and only a soft gray light colored the sky. Justin had escaped the barrage of women a while ago, probably to hang out with the boys who’d befriended him the year before, and I anxiously searched the crowd of both Amish and English people for Noah.

My desire to see him had been building throughout dinner. Being around the women and feeling their support gave me hope that maybe I could be happy being Amish. The auctioneer’s voice calling out numbers mixed with people talking and moving about the open area of the schoolhouse. Standing on my tiptoes, I scanned the dimly lit room, receiving many startled glances from members of the community who recognized me, even in street clothes.

Seeing that darkness had settled on the churned crop land beyond the window, my heart sped up. It’s time, I thought. Smiling, I muttered to Katie and Ruth that I needed to find my brother, and moved away through the crowd before they could stop me.

It was strange how my experience at this benefit dinner was so different than the one I’d attended the previous year. I was more confident as I squeezed in between the men with their long, scraggly beards and black hats and the women in their white caps and polyester dresses. They weren’t a scary, mysterious bunch any longer. Many of them I called friends, and I had a deep respect for the hard work they did and the simple and honest way they lived.

When I caught sight of Amos Miller, Noah’s father, I slowed. Sure enough, Noah was standing beside him, along with his brother, Jacob. They were near the large doorway opening with a group of men, next to a tall, black horse. Its coat was shiny even in the darkness, and its exquisite head and fine bone structure made me stop in my tracks.

The auctioneer’s voice rambled numbers, and I sucked in a breath when I thought I heard four thousand and saw Noah’s card go up. Mr. Miller leaned over to Noah before they both quickly looked across the room.

For a second I pictured Noah racing through the field on Rumor, and I imagined that, in his younger days, the black horse had probably looked a lot like the beautiful mare he was bidding on now. A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed down the acidy bile when I remembered the last time I’d seen the horse. He’d been lying on the roadway, broken and dying from the impact of the semi-truck that had nearly killed Noah. His suffering whinnies still haunted me to this day.

Forcing the horrible image to leave my mind, I followed their gaze until I spotted the lanky Amish man raise his hand and nod to the auctioneer. Before I turned back to the Millers, my sight settled on the young woman beside the man bidding against Noah. She wore a lavender dress, and the small amount of hair I could see in front of her cap was auburn. Her face was pretty and doll-like. My stomach tightened.

Constance.

I’m not sure exactly what told me that the girl was Noah’s ex-fiancée, but I knew with certainty that she was. In a very odd moment of acknowledgment, she looked over at me. Her features suddenly changed from tranquility to irritation as her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. The look only lasted for a second before her features went calm, and she glanced away.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Constance recognized me. The other girls would have told her all about me.

I sighed, knowing that I had to deal with the jealousy of another one of Noah’s admirers. Well, I had to admit, Constance was more than just that. She’d been engaged to him, after all.

When the auctioneer called out the last bid, I watched Mr. Miller and Jacob both shake their heads, and Noah dropped his. The man beside Constance, who I guessed was her dad, smirked and nodded in the Millers’ direction. The look on the man’s face was anything but Christian and reminded me of the same twisted expressions Levi would direct my way. This was not a nice man, and he was obviously holding a grudge against Noah.

I pushed through the crowd trying to reach Noah, but he didn’t see me and instead disappeared through the doorway into the night. Changing directions, I ducked behind a group of Amish women and avoided coming face-to-face with the other Miller men.

The guys in Noah’s family had always been polite to me but distant and aloof at the same time. After living among the Amish, I learned that this was the way all the Amish men treated women who weren’t their wives or blood relatives. They were always careful not to do anything that could be misconstrued by others in the community. I was used to it now, having learned to avoid them as carefully as they did me.

When I reached the side door, I pressed it open and stepped into the cooler night air. Because the schoolhouse was on a hill overlooking the parking area, I spotted Noah instantly as he walked in between the parked cars, making his way to my red pickup truck.

I’d barely left the building when a hand reached out and touched my shoulder, giving me quite a jolt.

When I turned around, I was shocked to see Ella’s oval face staring at me.

“Stop, Rose. I need to talk to you.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. Haven’t you caused me enough trouble?” I spat out. I really hated the girl, and the fact that she was one of Noah’s admirers wasn’t even the reason. Ella Weaver was truly the wickedest girl I’d ever met.

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