Collins Business Secrets – NLP

Table of Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

Learn how to use NLP in business

Take responsibility

1.1 Be ‘at cause’

1.2 Know your map

1.3 Look below the surface

1.4 Recognize your preferred sense

1.5 Discover your beliefs

1.6 Identify your business values

1.7 Be observant

Focus on your outcomes

2.1 Have well-formed visions

2.2 Don’t just try…DO it

2.3 Commit and take action

2.4 Break old habits

2.5 Use failure as feedback

2.6 Ask questions

2.7 Be specific

Be an excellent communicator

3.1 Establish rapport

3.2 Pay attention

3.3 Watch the eyes

3.4 Don’t mention the blue tree

3.5 Create a positive state

Be a great motivator

4.1 Discover your direction

4.2 Know the reason why

4.3 Be convincing

4.4 Reward interests

4.5 Offer the right sized chunks

4.6 Separate externals from internals

4.7 Manage mismatchers

4.8 Respect values

Boost your performance

5.1 Believe in yourself and other people

5.2 Change your perspective

5.3 Change your negative thoughts

5.4 Change the frame

5.5 Anchor positive feelings

5.6 Change your language

5.7 Respond positively to criticism

5.8 Be your own success coach

5.9 Model excellence

Make a powerful impression

6.1 Learn from the masters

6.2 Use stories

6.3 Vary your voice

6.4 Use the 4-Mat system

6.5 Run a great meeting

Sell to anyone

7.1 Know your client

7.2 Ask questions

7.3 Check out what’s important

7.4 Paint a happy future

7.5 Get agreement along the way

7.6 Talk your client’s language

7.7 Handle objections simply

7.8 Use power words

7.9 Watch your ‘buts’!

Jargon buster

Further reading

About the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

Learn how to use NLP in business

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a method used in business to improve performance. It contains techniques that help to change your patterns of thoughts, emotions and behaviour in positive ways. You can use these techniques for yourself, or as a manager with your team.

I first learnt these techniques 15 years ago while I was working in international sales. Immediately I realized how dramatically my performance would improve by applying them in my business work and other parts of my life. I trained first as a practitioner and then as a teacher of NLP. I have since coached and trained hundreds of business people in NLP methods and ways of thinking.

NLP began life in the 1970s as the result of studies at the University of California. Richard Bandler and John Grinder came up with a model of human excellence based on their research into language and behaviour, and the link between mind and body.

NLP has become a powerful tool for improving performance. Some of the benefits I have observed in myself and others are better communication and team skills, overcoming blocks to performance, improved sales, management and leadership skills, greater self-confidence, improved presentation and influencing skills, and the ability to generate clearer goals and achieve them.

This book consists of 50 secrets about NLP, divided into seven chapters.

• Take responsibility. The basic thinking in NLP that allows you to focus on the results you want to get in business.

• Focus on your outcome. How to set a clear desired outcome in order to improve short- and long-term performance.

• Be an excellent communicator. Tools that help you to have better relationships with your colleagues and clients.

• Be a great motivator. Understand how to motivate yourself and others, and achieve more.

• Boost your performance. Overcome barriers and blocks to performance, and increase your personal power in business.

• Make a powerful impression. Increase the impact you make in meetings and at presentations.

• Sell to anyone. How to sell yourself, your products and your ideas successfully inside and outside your organization.

If you follow these 50 secrets, you will have learnt the ways of thinking that allow business leaders to become star business performers. Look forward to boosting your business performance every day and avoid the pitfalls that can hold you back from success.

You can change your results just by changing the way you think.

Take responsibility

The key attitude that underlies the thinking and techniques of NLP is to take charge of what happens to you. Once you decide to take responsibility for your business success you will achieve more of what you want (and less of what you don’t want). When you don’t get the result you want quickly, you’ll find it easier to uncover the block and know what to do about it.

1.1 Be ‘at cause’

“I can’t help being late. All my family are like that.” “I can’t do anything about getting on with my boss. It’s him who always causes the problems.” “I can’t make this business successful, the economy is too bad.” “I can’t stop smoking, I’m addicted to smoking.” “It’s not my fault!”

Everything that happens in life has a cause. Ben eats a big meal. What happens? He puts on weight. Krizia doesn’t eat for two days, and loses weight? It’s simple: the effect of eating too much or too little has been caused by the action of eating too much or too little.

• The Cause: Effect equation. NLP expresses this with the Cause: Effect equation, C:E. Cause is on one side, and Effect is on the other.

one minute wonder Any time you feel unsure about what you are doing, take a minute to think about what you want to achieve. By being clear about the outcome you want, you will soon understand what you need to take responsibility for. This will make you more prepared to be ‘at cause’ in business.

“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other”

Abraham Lincoln, 19th-century US President

What this means is that for every cause there is an effect and for every effect there is a cause.

• Are you at the cause of your life or the effect of your life? In other words, do you take responsibility for what happens to you or do you consider yourself a passive victim?

Losing weight’s a simple example. Take responsibility, exercise more and eat less, and see if you get a different result. Probably you will. Occasionally it gets more complicated, if there’s a medical issue for example, but then you can stay ‘at cause’ by taking medical advice. Now you know how to lose weight again.

But what about my relationship with my boss? Why is it not working? The original cause may not be as obvious. Was it me or him? Or both of us? All you know is that it’s not working. So how do you stay on the cause side of the equation on this one?

Well, at first glance it may not seem an easy situation to change, but in fact it’s very simple. All you have to do to be ‘at cause’ is to take responsibility for the results you get from now on. So what if it was his fault? How about changing your beliefs about the situation and behaving differently towards him? See what happens. Later secrets will give you great tools for doing this.

Decide to be in charge of your business success, and not at the mercy of what happens to you.

1.2 Know your map

In ancient times, sailors set out to explore the world. The maps they drew up look very different to maps made today in the era of satellite navigation. The ancient mariners’ perception of the world was clearly different from ours. Future generations will also have different maps and ideas about the cosmos as technology evolves. This illustrates a central idea of NLP: that a map – and thus our peception of the world – is always subjective.

In other words, each of us has a unique view on the world. How we see the world is not actually how the world is, it’s simply the internal map (or model) we’ve developed – our way of looking at things. Each of us may think we are looking at things as they really are, but the way we think is just a viewpoint. Someone else may think very differently about the same situation.

• The role of the subconscious. Most of the time, how we think about things is subconscious. It has to be, because the conscious mind can focus only on a few things at a time. Subconsciously we take in much more. Our subconscious runs our body, stores our memories and

one minute wonder Always have respect for another person’s view of the world. Just because someone disagrees with you or has different values, that doesn’t mean that they are wrong (or you are wrong) – simply that you have different maps.

takes in information through the senses. We’re bombarded with information – some say two million bits of it per second, whereas consciously we’re only aware of about seven bits of information per second. That’s why our internal map of the world is unique. Without thinking about it, we pay attention to some things more than others.

Once you recognize that your map is a subjective view of the world, you can begin to do two useful things.

1 Firstly, recognize that other people’s views are equally subjective and valid.

2 Secondly, look inside yourself and work out what you are choosing to pay attention to.

Once you start to perceive the things around you that you’ve previously been ignoring, then you have the choice to change your map if your current one isn’t getting you to the destination you want.

If you change the way you think, you’ll change the way you act. If you change the way you act, you’ll change the results you get.

We each have a unique internal map of the external world.

1.3 Look below the surface

All the time you are reading this there is a lot going on below the surface. In the few seconds it has taken you to read this far into Secret 1.3, your subconscious has already been very busy. You weren’t aware of what was going on. So what’s happening?

Your brain acts as a virtual reality machine. As you are reading this Secret you are taking in information through your senses: seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting. You are probably most aware of your visual sense, but the others are still working hard as well.

The subconscious interprets the information it receives and stores some of it as memories.

one minute wonder Bear in mind that the body and mind are linked. What you think affects what you feel. What you feel affects what happens inside your body and, in turn, your body language and your behaviours which are visible to other people. So how you think ultimately influences how other people react to you.

Three big filters are always being used by the subconscious:

1 Deletion. First of all your subconscious promptly deletes most of the information it receives. That’s why you don’t remember the two million bits of information you are smelling, hearing and feeling as you are reading this. For example, how aware are you of the feeling in your arms or legs? Maybe you are now, but were you a few seconds ago?

2 Distortion. At the same time you continually distort some of the information to store it more easily. For example, while travelling through the countryside you see a pretty cottage, which reminds you of a picture you once saw of a fairytale house made of gingerbread. Later, you don’t remember the exact colour and details of the house, only a sense of it as the fairytale house.

3 Generalization. The subconscious groups information into categories. For example you see someone sitting on something that looks roughly like another object you habitually call a chair. “Hey”, says your subconscious! “That’s useful. I will describe this as a chair as well.” (Even if the object is actually something else.)

Your subconscious always works hard for you, but its habit of distorting, deleting and generalizing all give rise to beliefs and opinions about the world that may not always be useful to you.

What can you do about it? First of all, start paying attention to your beliefs, and actively adopt and emphasize those beliefs that empower rather than limit your business success.

Your subconcious filters bits of information to create your highly personal view of the world.

1.4 Recognize your preferred sense

Each day we experience the world through the five senses. These are known as the Visual, or seeing, sense; the Auditory, or hearing, sense; the Kinesthetic, or touch and feeling, sense; the Olfactory, or smell, sense; and the Gustatory, or taste, sense. People rely on these five senses to different degrees.

We store representations of the outside world inside our subconscious using our senses. This is how a memory can bring back a smell, picture or sound. In NLP the senses are called representational systems.

We each subconsciously use one sense more than the others. Some store memories primarily as images. Others delete more of what they see, and store more sound images. If you subconsciously prefer the visual sense you may be drawn towards visual work. If you’re more sound focused, then you may be especially fascinated by music or language. Or perhaps you prefer touch and feeling, and so favour physical pursuits, such as sport or working with your hands.

Just because you have a preference for one sense over another doesn’t mean that you can’t use all of them. This affects learning differences. If you prefer the visual, you may want visual props when

one minute wonder Be careful how you present information to others in business. Listen to the language the other person is using and use similar language back to them. If you are not sure about someone’s preferred systems, make sure you present in a range of ways to cover different groups. Don’t use only your preferred style.

learning. Auditory learners need to hear information to take it in efficiently. Kinesthetic learners like to try out what they are learning, for example through exercises and role play.

People give away their preferred sense through the words they choose. Use their preferred words and they will relate to you better. For example:

• Visual words. Look, see, clear, bright, sparkling, picture, clarify, perspective, illustrate, focus, colourful, watch, illusion, shine, dim, vivid.

• Auditory words. Noise, hear, resonate, deaf, speak, rhythm, ask, silent, tune, pitch, buzz, audible, earful, remark, tongue-tied, rings a bell.

• Kinesthetic words. Feel, unfeeling, solid, concrete, hit, pressure, hothead, handle, soft, hard, cold, tickle, seize, pressure, get in touch with.

By finding out which senses you and your colleagues individually prefer, you can learn about your different maps of the world, different learning styles and how to communicate more flexibly.

People vary in the way they perceive the world through the different senses.

1.5 Discover your beliefs

Many of us use phrases like “It’s true that…”, “That is wrong”, “That is totally right…”, “I believe that…”, “Well that’s a matter of opinion, but this is indisputable…”, “My opinion is…”, “According to my perspective…”. These are all statements of beliefs.

According to your model of the world something may appear to be a fact when it is really a very deeply held belief.

As we grow up we begin to take on views of the world. We can’t help doing this. We have to believe something otherwise there would be just too much raw information swishing about. As we develop beliefs we often tend to focus on the information that supports our existing beliefs so they become stronger. It tends to be less often that we notice information that undermines existing beliefs and disproves them.

one minute wonder ‘Am/am not’ statements are a great way to uncover subconscious beliefs. Listen out for people making statements like: I am…I am not…; My friends are…my friends are not…; Life is…life is not…; The world is…the world is not…; Business is…business is not…; My future is…my future is not…

“It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.”

Brian Tracy, performance coach

If you hold lots of deep beliefs it can make you very rigid in your thinking and give rise to other strong opinions. It may result in an inflexible model of the world. If you have very rigid beliefs you may clash with other people who hold very different models of the world. Just think about some of the great conflicts in the wider world. They take place between different groups who firmly believe their opinions to be right and who cannot find a meeting place with their enemies’ beliefs.

You can begin to uncover your beliefs very simply. Just ask yourself:

• What do I believe about business / work / other areas?

• Or write down, “I believe…(about this area of my life). I do not believe…(about another area).”

This will uncover some basic beliefs that you might not have been fully conscious of.

If you want to change the results in your life, then scrutinize your beliefs. If they are blocking your success, then start thinking about what other beliefs might be useful to you.

Identify your beliefs and ask yourself if they support you in being successful.

1.6 Identify your business values

What’s important to you in business? What would make you stay in a job? What draws you to particular groups of people or a particular political cause? Is there anything that would make you uncomfortable ethically in business? What do you have in common with the people you get on with at work?

Our values are such an important part of our internal world that they pull us towards or away from situations and people throughout our lives. They are first formed in childhood, and influenced by family and friends. We may change our values according to experience as we grow older. But some values are so deeply held that we may be reluctant to change them and would rather leave a situation and uphold our values rather than compromise them.

• A value is anything that is important to you. Stop and ask yourself: What’s important to me about my job? The people I work with? My goals? Working for a great boss? Business? Values might include, for example, happiness, friendship, joy, learning, challenge, success. Whatever words you come up with are the right ones for you.

one minute wonder Ask yourself, “What do I value in my work life right now?” Write down a list of what comes to mind. Keep pushing yourself to get to the really deep values. Ask “and what else?” Then, “What would make me give up this work or leave this job?” See what values are uncovered.

Often the deep values don’t come to mind immediately, but they’re the ones that really matter when important decisions have to be made. If you have ever felt forced to leave a job or come out of a relationship, think about what made you do it. Which value was lacking or wrong in the situation you came out of? Or which value did you want more of? These are the most important values to you.

By identifying your values in different parts of your life you will learn a lot about your subconscious motivations. You will discover what guides you to success and what may block you from time to time. When you have an outcome you think you want to achieve, but you keep sabotaging your success, it’s always worth examining your values. It could be that you have two values that are clashing – motivating you in two contradictory directions. By identifying this, you have the opportunity to do something about it.

Identify what’s important to you at work so you know where to put your focus and effort for the future.

1.7 Be observant

NLP has a term called sensory acuity. This is the ability to be highly observant. The more you notice in your world, the more you can fine-tune your actions and responses to fit situations in the most appropriate ways. This will in turn help you to achieve your goals.

The secret is to be observant of everything:

1 Notice what is happening with other people. Learn to notice changes in their behaviour, their communication and gradually to their subconscious body language.

one minute wonder Assuming that something has to be done or should be done limits choice and flexibility. A good way to counteract this is to acknowledge that there are always choices in any given situation. This puts you at the cause rather than the effect of any situation. Looking for choices and possibilities means that you will focus on the future and take responsibility for your success.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them” Walt Disney, American film producer

2 Become aware of your own behaviour and communication. Notice how you respond to events and circumstances. Become aware of what triggers different responses in you.

3 Become highly aware of what is going on inside your head. What are you thinking and feeling? What happens in the world when you change what you think and feel?

You will probably begin to notice changes in the way people look and how they sound. You may also begin to notice differences in the way you feel and the sounds and pictures you have in your head. In the next set of secrets you will learn how to explore your internal communication in more detail.

As you become more tuned into your ability to be observant, you may notice that this gives you greater ability to be flexible in your behaviour. The proof of your success will be in the quality of each outcome you achieve. Practise using your sensory acuity each day and see what results you achieve.

Fine-tune your sensory acuity and observe what you think and feel in different circumstances.

Focus on your outcomes

Some people have a vague idea of what they want. Some just drift. However, to get results in business, whether day-to-day or over a 10-year period or more, you need to have a clear vision of what you want to achieve. In NLP, the term ‘outcome’ is often used for what you define as the positive consequences of your actions. ‘Outcomes’ are more than just about setting yourself some goals, they are about understanding what it takes to achieve them.

2.1 Have well-formed visions

What results do you want? Do you have a clear picture in your head of what you want to achieve? Or are you someone who has a confused picture that keeps changing, or a picture of what you don’t want, or barely any picture at all, just vague ideas? Which vision will achieve most?

People often wonder why they aren’t successful. The real question is, are they successful in getting the result they really want or a result they hadn’t planned and don’t like?

The outcome you want can only happen when you have a well-formed vision of it. Once you’ve got a clear picture you’ll be able to take the necessary steps to achieve it.

This is how to do it. Think of something you want to have, to be or to do in your life. Now ask these questions:

1 Is it positive? Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. (Otherwise, your internal picture will be of what you want to avoid and ironically that’s probably what you’ll end up with).

“If what you are doing is not moving you towards your goals, then it’s moving you away from your goals” Brian Tracy, performance coach

2 Is it specific? The more specific it is, the easier it’ll be to focus on and you’ll find it easier to know when you are near or far away from your goal.

3 What is my evidence? How will I know when I have it? What will it look like? What will it feel like? If you don’t have evidence you won’t know when you have achieved your result.

4 Who is in charge of this outcome? The answer has to be you, because an outcome dependent on others isn’t achievable by you.

5 Is this good for you? Will getting this result be good for you and your world as a whole? Consider the effect on you, others around you and your life.

6 What resources do you have and need? Consider where you are in relation to your desired outcome. What do you have available to achieve this and what do you need to acquire?

Make sure that you build clear pictures in your mind of what you want to achieve.

2.2 Don’t just try…DO it

“That’s a great idea. I’ll really try to take it on board.” “I will try to meet you at 3pm. I know I didn’t make the meeting last time but I will really make sure I try to get there in time for it today.” “I am trying you know. I am really, really trying.”

• ‘Trying’ means two things. In English the word ‘trying’ has two meanings: to attempt to do something, or to be a little upsetting, difficult or annoying.

Well, people who are always trying to do things can end up being extremely annoying to everyone else (and often themselves as well by the way). This is because they tend to let people down.

one minute wonder If you have any doubts about whether you really want the goals you are seeking, ask these questions: What will happen when you have it? What will happen if you don’t have it? What won’t happen when you have it? What won’t happen if you don’t have it? What are the benefits of not having it? What are the drawbacks of having it?

“Action is the foundational key to all success” Pablo Picasso, pioneering modern artist

• ‘Try’ often implies failure. There is a big difference between saying “I will get to the meeting by 3pm” and “I will try to get to the meeting by 3pm”. Somehow we all know that the first person will only fail to get to the meeting under exceptional circumstances, but the second person will probably turn up late or perhaps not even make it at all.

There’s also a big difference between saying “I will try to achieve what I have set out in my well-formed outcome in this area of my life” and “I will just do it. I will do what it takes to achieve this result. Maybe I am not clear exactly how I will do it yet but I will learn as I go along.”

• Back to cause and effect. Are you going to try to take responsibility for the results you get? Or are you going to take responsibility for the results you get? Are you going to try to lose weight…again? Or are you going to lose weight? Are you going to try to get a good relationship with your boss and grumble when you don’t, or are you going to achieve that good relationship?

When you stop trying, that’s when you really do start using whatever happens to you as feedback and take infinitely flexible actions to achieve your well-formed vision of success.

‘Trying’ implies failure, so leave out this word when defining your business goals.

2.3 Commit and take action

Lots of people want things. They want to have more success. They want to have more possessions. They want to have less stress. They want to have happier days, a bigger business, less debt, more money, more skills…The list goes on and on.

But a want is just a want. A want is meaningless in terms of achievement if you don’t first turn it into a specific goal – or projected outcome – and then take action to get it.

• What are you going to begin with right now to get what you want?

Your well-formed goals all need to start with a first step that turns into a second step and a third and a fourth and so on until you achieve what you set out to achieve.

This doesn’t mean that you have to know everything you are going to do to get the result you want. It’s more important that you know what you want first – your desired outcome – and then decide that you’re going to do whatever it takes to get it.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes…but no plans”

Peter Drucker, business strategist

So there are two parts to this secret to success to remember.

• Firstly, to take action.

• Secondly, to commit 100% to the action.

It’s no point doing something half-heartedly; you’ll be back to ‘trying’, and you know how ‘trying’ that will be for you and other people.

Focus on your well-formed vision of outcome, take responsibility for the effect you wish to cause and take an action towards it. If you get a block on the way, take this as feedback and carry on taking action. Commit to your wanted outcome until you achieve the success you intended. This is what all people who achieve excellence do.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t adapt your vision of the outcome, of course. If your feedback gives you cause to think that you would prefer to achieve a different outcome, then change your goal. Take your new vision of outcome through the same set of questions as before and take a new first step. However, the principle remains the same. Whatever your projected outcome is, commit to it and the actions you take to achieve it. Do that and you will get the success and excellent results you want to achieve.

Take action to start achieving your goals from the moment you define them and keep moving forwards.

2.4 Break old habits

How much are you a creature of habit? Do you ever do different things, learn new skills, take on new work responsibilities? How often do you think differently? How curious are you? How experimental are you? If you do what you have always done you will get the same results you have always got.

Having an attitude of curiosity and experimentation can lead you to new, successful and exciting results in your life.

• People who are curious tend to ask lots of questions. Perhaps they want to know what works, what could be different, how to create change, how other people do things. The more curious you become the better. Cultivate an attitude of curiosity. Consider how you do

one minute wonder Ditch your assumptions. We often pre-judge situations or people in advance. We don’t bother to start things because we think we know exactly what result we are going to get in advance. Change your attitude, on the other hand, and you could change your life.

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped”

Tony Robbins, self-help writer

things, for example, and how you could do things more effectively in future. What can you learn from other people?

• The founders of NLP had this attitude. Richard Bandler and John Grinder wanted to know why certain people were more effective than other people, so they asked questions to find out. Their answers provided the thinking and techniques of NLP. What would happen if you asked questions about the world around you? Or what could you discover about your internal world?

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