A Christmas kiss from the past!

Pediatric surgeon Max Ainsley arrives at Teddy’s for a fresh start, only to find himself working with the woman he lost years before—his estranged wife!

Annabelle once hoped to give Max the perfect family he never had, but when that dream was broken so was her heart—and she pushed him away. She’s never imagined loving again, but now working on a tiny patient with Max stirs buried feelings... Can a miracle in Maternity reunite them in time for Christmas?

Dear Reader,

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it consumes your every waking thought? And yet that very same desire ends up causing unimaginable pain?

Annabelle Brookes finds herself facing a tragic cycle of hope and grief as she tries time and time again to carry a child to term. Those failed attempts finally affect her health and her relationship with her husband. When he finally puts his foot down and says, ‘No more,’ she is devastated. So devastated that she pushes him away.

Years later Annabelle comes face to face with the man she once loved. All the emotions she thought long-dead are resurrected, and she has to decide once and for all what the important things in life are. Only this is Christmas, the season of miracles, when nothing is carved in stone.

Thank you for joining Max and Annabelle as they struggle to let go of the pain of the past. And maybe—just maybe—they’ll discover something more tucked among the tinsel and the holiday lights. I hope you enjoy reading their story as much as I loved writing it!

Love,

Tina Beckett

The Nurse’s Christmas Gift

Tina Beckett

www.millsandboon.co.uk

Three-times Golden Heart® finalist TINA BECKETT learned to pack her suitcases almost before she learned to read. Born to a military family, she has lived in the United States, Puerto Rico, Portugal and Brazil. In addition to travelling, Tina loves to cuddle with her pug, Alex, spend time with her family, and hit the trails on her horse. Learn more about Tina from her website, or ‘friend’ her on Facebook.

Books by Tina Beckett

Mills & Boon Medical Romance

The Hollywood Hills Clinic Winning Back His Doctor Bride

Midwives On-Call at Christmas Playboy Doc’s Mistletoe Kiss

To Play with Fire

His Girl From Nowhere

How to Find a Man in Five Dates

The Soldier She Could Never Forget

Her Playboy’s Secret

Hot Doc from Her Past

A Daddy for Her Daughter

Visit the Author Profile page at millsandboon.co.uk for more titles.

To my kids, who are always willing to give me space—and time—when I’m under deadline. I love you!

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Dear Reader

Title Page

About the Author

Dedication

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

EPILOGUE

Extract

Copyright

CHAPTER ONE

MAX AINSLEY WAS happy to be back on familiar soil.

Opening the door to his new cottage in a brand-new city, he hefted his duffel bag and tossed it over his shoulder, enjoying the warmth he found inside. Six months was too long; the days and nights spent helping displaced children in war-ravaged North Africa had eaten into his soul—one painful bite at a time. Trying to meet each desperate need had drained his emotional bank account until there was nothing left. He’d needed to come back to recharge and decide what he wanted to do next.

What better season than winter? The icy weather and the festive lights of the approaching holiday should help him push aside the thoughts of what he hadn’t been able to accomplish on this trip. At least he hoped so.

Three years of running from his past had changed nothing. Maybe it was time to start living in the present. To sign the papers he’d left behind and to finally let go of the past once and for all.

Shedding his parka and throwing his belongings onto a nearby leather sofa with a sigh, he surveyed the place. With its white-painted walls and comfortable furniture, it wasn’t huge or fancy, but it was big enough for a landing place, at least until he could figure out where he wanted to park his butt for the long haul. Sienna McDonald had sent pictures of several possibilities that were just a short distance from the hospital, and he’d settled on this one, the cottage’s quaint one-bedroom floor plan made more attractive by the small private garden off the back. This was the place.

He could finally sell his flat back in London.

And maybe it was time to call his solicitor and have him complete the process—to cut any remaining ties with a certain dark period in his life.

He spied a piece of paper on the table in the dining room and stiffened, before he realised it couldn’t be from her. She had no idea where he was right now. And she hadn’t tried to find him over the last couple of years. At least not that he knew of.

Wandering over to the note, he placed a finger on the pink stationery and cocked his head as he made out the cheerful words.

‘Welcome to Cheltenham and to Teddy’s! I’ve put some milk, cheese and cold meat in the fridge, and there is bread and sweets in the cupboard along with some other staples to help get you started. The boiler is lit, instructions are on the unit. I hope you’re ready to work, because I am more than ready for a rest!’

She’d signed her name with a flourish at the end.

Sweets, eh? That made him smile. But he was glad for the boiler, as snow was expected to hit any day and the temperatures had been steadily dropping. His body was still trying to adjust to the chill after all those months dealing with the hot temperatures of Sudan.

He was due at Teddy’s in the morning to start his contract, replacing Sienna McDonald when she went on maternity leave. She’d sent him a letter as he was packing for the flight telling him to get ready for a wild ride. There was a winter virus running through the halls of the hospital, affecting patients and staff alike. They were short-staffed and overworked.

He was ready. Anything to keep his mind off his previous life.

And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Sienna would be there to show him the ropes, and Max would have time to adjust to being back in a modern hospital, where day-to-day life was not always a life and death struggle.

Well, that was not entirely true. In the world of paediatric cardiothoracic medicine, things were often about life and death, but they were caused by the battle raging within the person’s body, not the cruel deeds done by one human against another. And with Doctors Without Borders, he had seen his share of war and the horrific results of it.

His mind headed to a darker place, and Max forced it back to the mundane tasks he had to accomplish before his first shift tomorrow morning: shave the scruff of several weeks off his face, unpack, hunt down a vehicle to use.

With that in mind, he headed to the refrigerator to find something to eat. And then he would face the day, and hopefully get ready to face his future...and his first step towards banishing the past, once and for all.

* * *

Annabelle Brookes couldn’t believe how crowded the ward was. All the beds were full, and patients were seemingly crammed into every nook and cranny. The winter virus was not only sending people flooding into the hospital, but it was sending staff flooding out—multiple nurses and doctors had all become ill over the past several days. So far she had steered clear of its path, but who knew how long that would hold? She was frankly exhausted and, with six hours left to her shift, she was sure she would be dead on her feet by the time she headed home.

Despite it all, she was glad Ella O’Brien had pestered her until she’d agreed to come to Cheltenham a year ago. Maybe because her friend had recognised the signs of depression and the deadly spiral her life had taken after her husband had left for parts unknown. Whatever it had been, Annabelle felt she was finally getting her life back under control. She had Ella to thank for that. And for helping her land this plum position.

Head neonatal nurse was a dream come true for her. She might not be able to have children of her own, but she was happy to be able to rock, hold and treat other people’s babies all day long. Working at the same hospital as her midwife friend also meant there was plenty of time for girlie outings and things to take her mind off her own problems.

She let her fingers run across a draping of tinsel against a doorway as she went by, the cool slide of glittery metal helping relax her frazzled nerves.

Tucking a strand of hair back into the plait that ran halfway down her back, she dodged people and patients alike as she made her way towards the nursery and her next patient: Baby Doe, aka Baby Hope.

The baby had been abandoned by her mother—who was little more than a baby herself—and Annabelle felt a special affinity with this tiny creature. After all, hadn’t Annabelle been dumped by the person who should have loved her the most but left her languishing with a broken heart? No. Actually, Annabelle had done the dumping, but her heart had still splintered into pieces.

Baby Hope’s heart was literally broken, whereas Annabelle’s was merely...

She stiffened her jaw. No. Her heart was just fine, thank you very much.

Was that why that paperwork was still sitting on a shelf gathering dust? And it was too. Annabelle had cleaned around the beige envelope over the past couple of years, but hadn’t been able to bring herself to touch it, much less open it and read the contents. Because she already knew what they said. She had been the one to do the filing.

But Max had never responded. Or sent his signed copy back to her solicitor.

And if he had? What then?

She had no idea.

As she rounded the nurses’ station to check the schedule and see what other cases she’d been assigned for the day, the phone rang. A nurse sitting behind the desk picked up the phone, waving at her as she answered the call.

‘Baby Doe? Oh, yes, Annabelle just arrived. I’ll send her in.’ She set the phone down.

Maybe the first order of business after her divorce should be to officially get rid of her married name. It still hurt to have it attached to her, even though she no longer went by Annabelle Ainsley.

‘Miss McDonald and her replacement are doing rounds and are ready to examine the baby. Do you mind filling them in on what’s happened over the last few hours?’

‘On my way.’ Annabelle had already been headed towards the glass window that made up the viewing area of the special care baby unit, so it was perfect timing. Arriving on the floor, she spotted a heavily pregnant Sienna McDonald ducking into the room. The neonatal cardiothoracic surgeon had been overseeing Baby Doe’s care as they waited for an available heart for the sick infant. Another man, wearing a lab coat and sporting dark washed jeans, went in behind Sienna. She could only catch a glimpse of a strong back and thick black hair, but something inside her took a funny little turn at the familiar way the man moved.

Shaking her head to clear it, she reached the door a few seconds later and slid inside.

She headed towards the baby’s cot, finding Sienna and the other doctor—their backs to her—hovering over it.

About to step around to the other side, the stranger raised the top of the unit. ‘Her colour doesn’t look good.’

Annabelle stifled a gasp, stopping in her tracks for several horrified seconds. She lifted her eyes and stared at the man’s back.

That voice.

Those gruff masculine tones were definitely not the feminine Scottish lilt belonging to Sienna, that was for sure. This had to be Sienna’s replacement. Had she actually seen the name of the new doctor written somewhere? She didn’t think so, but she was beginning to think she should have paid more attention.

She swallowed down the ball of bile before the pressure built to dangerous levels.

The new doctor spoke again. ‘What’s her diagnosis?’

The ball in Annabelle’s throat popped back into place with a vengeance.

It couldn’t be.

Sienna glanced over at him. ‘Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. She’s waiting on a donor heart.’

The other doctor’s dark head bent as he examined the baby. ‘How far down is she on the list?’

‘Far enough that we’re all worried. Especially Annabelle Brookes—you’ll meet her soon. She’s the nurse who’s been with our little patient from the time she was born.’

Annabelle, who had begun sliding back towards the door, stopped when the new doctor slowly lifted his head, turning it in her direction. Familiar brown eyes she would recognise anywhere met hers and narrowed, staring for what seemed like an eternity but had to have been less than a second. There wasn’t the slightest flinch in his expression. She could have been a complete stranger.

But she wasn’t.

He knew very well who she was. And she knew him.

No. It couldn’t be.

For a soul-searing moment she wondered if she’d been mistaken, that he wasn’t Sienna’s replacement at all, but was here to say he’d finally signed the papers. Maybe he’d heard about Baby Hope’s case and had just popped in to take a look while they hunted for Annabelle.

Or...maybe he’d met someone else.

Her whole system threatened to shut down as she stood there staring.

‘Annabelle? Are you all right?’ Sienna’s voice startled her enough to force her to blink.

‘Oh, yes, I...um...’ What was she supposed to say?

Max evidently didn’t have that problem. He came away from Hope’s incubator, extending his hand. ‘I didn’t realise you’d moved from London.’

‘Yes. I did.’ She ignored his hand, tipping her chin just a fraction, instead. So he hadn’t come here to find her.

Sienna glanced from one to the other. ‘You two already know each other?’

One side of Max’s mouth turned up in a semblance of a smile as he allowed his hand to drop back by his side. ‘Quite well, actually.’

Yes, they knew each other. But ‘quite well’? She’d thought so at one time. But in the end... Well, he hadn’t stuck around.

Of course, she’d been the one to tell him to go. And he had. Without a single attempt to change her mind—or to fight for what they’d once had.

Sienna’s brows went up, obviously waiting for some kind of explanation. But what could she say, really?

She opened her mouth to try to save the situation, but a shrill noise suddenly filled the room.

An alarm! And this one wasn’t in her head.

All eyes swivelled back to Baby Hope, who lay still in her incubator.

It was the pulse oximeter. Hope wasn’t breathing!

‘Let’s get some help in here!’ Max was suddenly belting out orders in a tone that demanded immediate response.

Glancing again at the baby’s form, she noted that the tiny girl’s colour had gone from bad to worse, a dangerous mottling spreading over her nappy-clad form. Annabelle’s heart plummeted, her fingers beginning a familiar tingle that happened every time she went into crisis mode.

Come on, little love. Don’t do this. Not when we’re just getting to know each other.

Social services had asked Annabelle to keep a special eye on the infant, since she had no next of kin who were willing to take on her care. Poor little thing.

Annabelle knew what it was like to feel alone.

In Max’s defence, it had been her choice. But he had issued an ultimatum. One she hadn’t been prepared to accept.

Right now, though, all she needed to think about was this little one’s battle for life. Max shot Sienna a look. The other doctor nodded at him. Whatever the exchange was, Max took the lead.

‘We need to tube her.’

Annabelle went to the wall and grabbed a pair of gloves from the dispenser, shoving her hands into them and forcing herself to take things one step at a time. To get ahead of yourself was to make a mistake.

She hurried to get the trach tube items, tearing into sterile packages with a vengeance. Two more nurses rushed into the room, hearing the cries for help. Each went to work, knowing instinctively what needed to be done. They’d all been through this scenario many times before.

But not with Baby Hope.

Annabelle moved in next to Max and handed him each item as he asked for it, her mind fixed on helping the tiny infant come back from the precipice.

Trying not to count the seconds, she watched Max in motion, marvelling at the steadiness of his large hands as he intubated the baby, his face a mask of concentration. A look that was achingly familiar. She swallowed hard. She needed to think of him as a doctor. Not as someone she’d once loved.

And lost.

He connected the tubing to the ventilator as one of the other nurses set the machine up and switched it on.

Almost immediately, Baby Hope’s chest rose and fell in rhythmic strokes as the ventilator did the breathing for her. As if by magic, the pulse ox alarm switched off and the heart-rate monitor above the incubator began sounding a steadier blip-blip-blip as the heart reacted to the life-giving oxygen.

The organ was weak, but at least it was beating.

But for how much longer?

Thank God they hadn’t needed to use the paddles to shock it back into rhythm. Baby Hope was already receiving prostaglandin to prevent the ductus in her heart from closing and cutting off blood flow. And they had her on a nitrogen/oxygen mix in an attempt to help the oxygen move to the far reaches of her body. But even so, her hands and extremities were tinged blue, a sure sign of cyanosis. It would only get worse the longer she went without a transplant.

‘She’s back in rhythm.’

At least a semblance of rhythm, and she wasn’t out of the woods, not by a long shot. Her damaged heart—caused by her mum’s drug addiction—was failing quickly. Without a transplant, she would die. Whether that last crisis arrived in a week or two or three, the outcome would be the same.

Annabelle sent up a silent prayer that a donor heart would become available.

Even as she prayed it, though, she hated the fact that another family would have to lose their child so that Baby Hope might live.

They watched a few more minutes as things settled down. ‘We’ll leave her on the ventilator until we figure out exactly what happened. We can try adjusting the nitrogen rate or play with some of her other meds to see if we can buy her a little more time.’

Sienna nodded. ‘I was thinking the exact thing.’ She glanced at Annabelle. ‘Are you okay?’

It was the second time she’d asked her that question. And the second time she had trouble coming up with a response.

‘I will be.’

‘I know this one’s special to you.’

Of course. Sienna was talking about the baby. Not about Max and his sudden appearance back in her life.

‘I just want her to have a chance.’

‘As stubborn as you are, she has it.’ Sienna gave her a smile.

‘Annabelle is nothing, if not tenacious.’ Max’s voice came through, only there wasn’t a hint of amusement in the words. And she knew why. Because he wasn’t referring to Hope. He was referring to how she’d clung to what she’d thought was their dream only to find out it wasn’t.

‘You said you know each other?’

When Annabelle came to work this morning, never in her wildest imaginings had she pictured this scene. Because she already knew how it was going to play out. She braced herself for impact.

‘We do.’

There was a pause as the other doctor waited to be enlightened.

Annabelle tried to head it off, even though she knew it was hopeless. ‘We’ve known each other for years.’

‘Yes,’ Max murmured. ‘You could say that. Your Annabelle Brookes is actually Annabelle Ainsley. My wife.’

* * *

‘Your...’ Sienna suddenly looked as if she’d rather be anywhere else but here. ‘It didn’t even dawn on me. Your names...’

‘Are not the same. I know.’ Max’s mouth turned down at the corners, a hard line that she recognised forming along the sides of his jaw. ‘I see you’ve gone back to your maiden name.’ He pinned her with a glance.

‘We’re separated. Getting a divorce.’ She explained as quickly as she could without adding that going back to her maiden name had been a way to survive the devastation that his leaving had caused.

Even though you’re the one who asked him to go.

They hadn’t spoken since the day he’d found her temperature journal and realised that, although she’d stopped doing the in-vitro procedures as he’d demanded, she hadn’t completely given up hope. Until that very minute.

When she’d seen the look on his face as he’d thumbed through the pages, she’d known it was over. She’d grabbed the book from his hands and told him to leave.

And just like that, he’d walked out of their front door and out of her life.

Just like Baby Hope’s mother.

And like that lost soul, Max had never come back.

Until now.

She frowned. ‘Did you know I was at Teddy’s when you accepted that contract to take Sienna’s position?’

Even as she asked it, she knew it made no sense for him to have come here. Not without a good reason.

Like those papers on her shelf?

‘No.’

That one curt word told her everything she needed to know. If he’d known she was working at the Royal Cheltenham, this was the last place he’d have chosen to come.

Sienna touched a gloved hand to the baby’s head. ‘If you two can finish getting her stabilised, I need to get off my feet for a few minutes.’ She eyed Max. ‘Why don’t you give me a call when you’re done here and I’ll finish showing you around the hospital?’

‘Sounds good. Thanks.’

Annabelle was halfway surprised that he hadn’t just said he was ready now. He had to be as eager to get away from her as she was to get away from him. But they had their patient to consider.

Their?

Oh, God. If he was Sienna’s replacement, that meant they would share this particular case. And others like it.

As soon as Sienna had left the room along with the other nurses, Max took a few moments to finish going over the baby’s chart, making notes in it while Annabelle squirmed. She couldn’t believe he was here. After all this time.

And for the tiniest second, when those intelligent eyes of his had swept over her, she’d entertained the thought that maybe he really had come here looking for her. But it was obvious from his behaviour that he hadn’t.

He hadn’t seemed all that pleased that she’d dumped his name. How could he expect otherwise, though? She’d wanted no reminders of their time together, not that a simple name change could ever erase all the pain and sadness over the way their marriage had ended.

‘Why don’t you fill me in on the details of her care? Miss McDonald seemed to indicate you know the baby better than anyone else on staff.’ The cool way he asked the question made heat rush to her face.

Here she was agonising over the past, while he was able, as always, to wall off his feelings and emotions. It had driven her crazy when they were together that he could behave as if their world weren’t imploding as she’d had miscarriage after miscarriage.

‘Social services needed someone who could report back to them on what was happening with her care. And since I’m head nurse, it kind of fell to me to do it.’

‘Somehow I didn’t think you would remain a neonatal nurse. Not after everything that happened.’

She shrugged. ‘I love my job. Just because I can’t...have children doesn’t mean I want to go into another line of nursing. I’m not one to throw in the towel.’

‘I think that depended on the situation.’ His words had a hard edge to them.

She decided to take a page from his book and at least try to feign indifference. ‘What do you want me to tell you about her?’

‘Do you know anything about her history? Her mother?’

Annabelle filled him in on everything she could, from the fact that Baby Hope’s mother had been hooked on heroin to the fact that she’d fled the hospital soon after giving birth, staff only discovering her absence when they went in to take her vitals. They’d found her bed empty, her hospital gown wadded up under the covers. They’d called the authorities, but in the two weeks since the baby’s birth no one had come forward with any information.

The drug use had caused the baby to go through withdrawals in addition to the in-utero damage her heart had sustained. It was getting weaker by the day. In fact, every ounce she gained put more strain on it. Normally in these children, Annabelle considered weight gain something to be celebrated. Not in Hope’s case. It just meant she had that much less time to live.

‘Does any of that help?’ she asked.

‘It does. I’m going to up her dose of furosemide and see if we can get a little of that fluid off her belly. I think that’s why she stopped breathing. If it’s not any better in an hour or two, I’m going to try to draw some of it off manually.’

‘We did that a few days ago. It seemed to help.’

‘Good.’

They looked at each other for a long moment, then Max said, ‘You’ve let your hair grow.’

The unexpectedness of the observation made her blink. ‘It makes it easier to get out of the way.’

Annabelle used to tame her waves rather than pulling them back. Between blowing them out and using a straightening iron, she’d spent a lot of time on her appearance. Once Max had left, though, there’d seemed little reason to go through those contortions any more. It was only when she stopped that she realised she’d been simply going through the motions for the last half of their marriage. Having a baby had become such a priority that her every waking moment had been consumed with it. It was no wonder he’d jumped at the chance to get out. She hadn’t liked who she’d become either.

She opened her mouth to say something more, before deciding the less personal they made their interactions, the better for both of them. They’d travelled down that road once before and it hadn’t ended well. And she definitely didn’t want to give him the impression that she’d been pining for him over the past three years. She hadn’t been. She’d got well and truly over him.

‘Since you’re working here now, maybe we should set down some ground rules to avoid any sticky situations.’ She paused. ‘Unless you’d like to change your mind about staying.’

His eyes narrowed. ‘I signed a contract. I intend to abide by the terms of it.’

Was that why he hadn’t moved to complete the process of terminating their union? Because he viewed their marriage as a contract rather than an emotional commitment? She’d been the one to actually file, not him.

Her throat clogged at the thought, but she pushed ahead, needing to finish their conversation so she could leave. Before the crazy avalanche of emotions buried her any deeper.

‘Most people at Teddy’s don’t know that I was married. They just assume I’m single. All except for Ella.’

Since she no longer wore her ring, it made it that much easier to assume she had no one in her life.

His brows went up. ‘Ella O’Brien?’

‘Yes.’ He would know who Ella was. They’d been best friends for years. She was very surprised her friend hadn’t got wind of Max’s arrival. Then again, maybe Annabelle would have known had she paid more attention during staff meetings. She’d known Sienna was going on maternity leave soon but had had no idea that Max was the one who’d be taking her place. Maybe because Baby Hope had taken up most of her thoughts in the last couple of weeks.

‘How is she?’

‘Ella? She’s fine.’ She looked away from him, reaching down to touch Hope’s tiny hand over the side of the still-open incubator. ‘Anyway, Ella knows about us, but, as you could see from Sienna’s reaction, that information hasn’t made its way around the hospital. I would appreciate if you didn’t go around blurting out that you’re my husband. Because you’re not. You haven’t been for the last three years.’

One side of his mouth went up in that mouth-watering way that used to make her tremble. But right now, she was desperate to put this runaway train back on its tracks.

‘I have a paper that says otherwise.’

‘And I have one that says I’m ready to be done with that part of my life.’

‘The divorce papers. I’m surprised you haven’t followed up on them with your solicitor.’

She should have had that solicitor hound Max until he signed, but she hadn’t, and she wasn’t quite sure why. ‘I’ve been busy.’

His eyes went to Hope. ‘I can see that.’

‘So you’ll keep our little...situation between us?’

‘How do you know Miss McDonald isn’t going to say something to someone?’

‘She won’t.’ Sienna was secretive enough about her own past that Annabelle was pretty sure privacy was a big deal to the other doctor.

‘And Ella? You don’t think she’ll say anything?’

‘Not if she knows what’s good for her.’ She said it with a wryness in her voice, because her friend was obstinate to the point of stubbornness about some things. But she was a good and faithful friend. She’d mothered Annabelle when she’d come to her crying her eyes out when Max had walked out of the door. No, Ella wouldn’t tell anyone.

Annabelle pulled her hand from the incubator and took a deep breath. Then she turned back to face Max again.

‘Please. Can’t we try to just work together like the professionals we are? At least for the time you’re here.’ She wanted to ask exactly how long that would be, but for now she had to assume it was until Sienna was finished with her maternity leave. If she thought of it as a finite period of time she could survive his presence. At least she hoped she could.

But she already knew she’d be seeing a lot more of him. Especially if he was going to be the doctor who either opened Hope’s chest and placed a donor heart in it or who signed her death certificate.

She closed her eyes for a second as the remembered sound of that alarm sliced through her being. How long before that sound signalled the end of a life that had barely begun?

‘I don’t know, Anna.’ His low voice caused her lids to wrench apart. ‘Can we?’

Her name on his lips sent a shiver through her, as did his words. It was the first time she’d heard the shortened version of Annabelle in three years. In fact, during their very last confrontation he’d reverted to her full name. And then he was gone.

So it made her senses go wonky to hear the drawled endearment murmured in something other than anger.

She’d wanted a simple answer...a promise that Max would do his best to keep their time together peaceful. He hadn’t given her that. Or maybe he was simply acknowledging something that she was afraid to admit: that it was impossible for them to work together as if they’d never crossed paths before. Because they had.

And if those old hurts and resentments somehow came out with swords drawn?

Then, as much as she wanted to keep their past relationship in the past, it would probably spill over into the present in a very real way.

CHAPTER TWO

‘AND THIS IS where all of that wonderful hospital food is prepared.’

Sienna’s easy smile wasn’t able to quite penetrate the shock to his system caused by seeing Anna standing over that incubator. Why hadn’t he kept track of where she was?

Because he hadn’t wanted to know. Knowing meant he had to do something about those papers her solicitor had sent him. And he hadn’t been ready to. Maybe fate was forcing his hand. Making him finally put an end to that part of his life in order to move forward to the next phase.

Wasn’t that part of the reason he’d come home? To start living again?

Yes, but he hadn’t meant to do it quite like this.

He decided the best way to take his mind off Anna was to put it on something...or someone else.

‘The ubiquitous hospital food.’ He allowed his mouth to quirk to the side. ‘But it’s probably better than what I’ve been eating for the past six months.’

She laughed. ‘I’m sure Doctors Without Borders feeds you pretty decently.’ She paused to look at him as they made their way down the corridor. ‘What was it like over there?’

‘Hard. Lots of pressing needs, and not knowing where to start. Not being able to meet all of those needs was a tough pill to swallow.’ Memories of desperate faces played through his head like a slide show. Those he saved...and those he couldn’t.

‘I can imagine it was. And living in another country for months at a time? It couldn’t have been easy being away from the comforts of home.’

‘I heard you had a little experience with that as well. What was the kingdom of Montanari like?’ Someone had mentioned that the other cardiothoracic surgeon had visited the tiny country on an extended stay, but that she had returned quite suddenly.

Sienna stared straight ahead. ‘It was different.’

Different. In other words, move on to another subject. He was happy to oblige, since he knew of one particular subject he was just as eager to avoid. ‘How about your cases here? Anything interesting?’

The other doctor’s shoulders relaxed, and she threw him a smile that seemed almost grateful. ‘Well, we actually have a mum who is expecting quadruplets. We’re keeping an extra-close eye on her but so far she’s doing well and the babies are all fine.’

‘That’s good.’ He didn’t ask any more questions. Someone carrying that many foetuses made him think of fertility treatments—another subject he wasn’t eager to explore.

‘Apparently they might bring in a world-renowned neonatal specialist if any complications develop.’

How many times would he have loved to fly in a specialist when he was in Africa? But, of course, there were only those, like him, who had volunteered their time and expertise. Doctors Without Borders sometimes took pot luck as far as who was willing to go. As a result there were often holes in treatment plans, or a patient who needed help from a specialist that wasn’t on site. That was when the most heartbreaking scenarios occurred.

Yet despite that he was already missing those brief, and often frantic, interactions with the team in Sudan, which surprised him given how exhausted he’d been by the end. Or maybe it was the shock of having to work with Annabelle that had him wishing he could just fly back to Africa and a life where long-term connections with other people were neither expected nor desired. It was more in line with the way he’d grown up. And far removed from what he’d once had with Anna. He’d decided that keeping his distance from others was the safer route.

‘Who is the specialist?’

‘Hmm...someone told me, but I can’t remember her name. I do remember it’s a woman. I’d have to look.’ She stopped in front of a set of double doors. ‘And this is where we work our magic.’

The surgical unit. The epicentre of Max’s—and Sienna’s—world. Even with all the prep work that went on before the actual surgery, this was still where everything would be won or lost. Annabelle had once said she didn’t know how he did it. He wasn’t completely sure either. He just did it. The same way she did her job, standing beside the incubators of very sick babies and taking the best care she could of them.

Why was he even thinking about Annabelle right now? ‘Can we go inside?’

‘Of course.’ She hit a button on the wall and the doors swung wide to allow them through. Glancing at the schedule on the whiteboard at the nurses’ station, she said, ‘Do you want to scrub up and observe a surgery? There’s a gallbladder being taken out in surgical unit two.’

‘No, I’m good. But I would like to observe your next cardiac surgery.’

Sienna gave a sigh and put a hand to her belly. ‘Sure, but I’m really hoping to scale back by about seventy-five per cent over the next week so I can leave without worrying that you haven’t carried an actual caseload.’

Maybe he should have been offended by that, but he wasn’t. Sienna didn’t know him from Adam. He was pretty sure that she could still carry her share of the patient load, but her comment had been more about wanting to see him in action. To reassure herself that she was leaving her little charges in the best possible hands. He was determined not to disappoint her.

‘That sounds fair enough.’ He paused. ‘And the baby who was in crisis? Baby...Hope?’

‘She doesn’t have an official name. Hope is Annabelle’s pet name for her. I think it’s a fingers-crossed kind of thing. Whatever it is, it’s stuck, and we all find ourselves calling her that now.’

That sounded just like Annabelle. Refusing to give up hope, even when it was obvious that the procedures were not going to work.

‘Annabelle mentioned social services. And that the mum took off?’

‘Yes. The mum came in while she was in labour. She was an addict and abandoned the baby soon afterwards. We have no idea where she is.’

Max’s chest tightened. His parents had never actually abandoned him physically, except for those long cruises and trips they’d taken, leaving him in the care of an aunt. But emotionally?

‘Anyway,’ Sienna went on, ‘I’m assigning the case to you. Make sure you become familiar with it. Your best bet for doing that is to get with Annabelle and go over her patient file. She has followed that baby from the beginning. She knows more about her than anyone, maybe even me, and I’m Baby Hope’s doctor.’

Max’s heart twinged out a warning. The last thing he wanted to do was spend even more time with Annabelle, because it was...

Dangerous.

But what else could he do? Say no? Tell Sienna that he couldn’t be a professional when it came to dealing with his almost-ex? Not hardly.

Maybe Sienna saw something in his face. ‘Is that going to be a problem considering the circumstances? I’m sorry, I had no idea you two even knew each other.’

If there was one thing Max was good at, it was disengaging his brain from his heart.

‘It won’t be a problem.’

‘Good.’

He’d work with Anna. Until it was over. Because one way or the other it would be. The baby would either have a new heart, or she wouldn’t. The twinge he’d felt seconds earlier grew to an ache—just like the one he’d dealt with on an almost daily basis while working in the Sudan. He rubbed a palm over the spot for a second to ease the pressure.

‘How often do hearts come available?’

‘Do you mean here in Cheltenham? Some years there are more. Some years, less.’

‘How many transplants have you done?’

‘One. In my whole career. We deal with lots of holes in the heart and diverting blood flow, but hypoplastic cases are rare at Teddy’s.’

So why was she handing the case over to him? This was a chance that she’d just admitted didn’t come across her desk very often. ‘Are you sure you don’t want it?’

‘Very.’ Something flashed through her brown eyes. A trickle of fear? His gaze shifted lower. Was she worried about the health of her own baby?

He remembered well the worry over whether a foetus would make it to term. In fact he remembered several times when he’d prayed over Annabelle as she’d slept. Those prayers had gone unanswered.

‘When are you due?’

‘Too soon. But right now it feels like for ever.’ Her glance caught his. ‘Everything is fine with the baby, if that’s what you’re wondering. My handing that case over has nothing to do with superstition. I just don’t think I have the endurance right now for what could be a long, complicated surgery.’ She pressed a hand to the small of her back. ‘And if for some reason I go earlier than I expect, I don’t want to pass Baby Hope over to someone else at the last second. I want it to be now, when it’s a deliberate decision on both of our parts.’

That he could understand. The need to be prepared for what might happen. Unlike in his relationship with Annabelle when he’d impulsively issued an ultimatum, hoping to save her from the grief of repeating a tragic cycle—not to mention the dangerous physical symptoms she’d been experiencing.

It had worked. But not quite in the way he’d expected.

This was not where he wanted his thoughts to head. He’d do better to stick with what he could control and leave the rest of it to the side at the moment.

‘Your patients will be in good hands. I’ll make sure of it.’

‘Thank you. That means a lot to me.’ She sent him a smile that was genuine. ‘Do you have any other questions before we officially end our tour and go on to discuss actual cases?’

‘Just one.’

‘All right.’ The wariness he’d sensed during his mention of Montanari filtered back into her eyes. She had no need to be worried. He was done with discussing personal issues.

‘Is the food as bad here as it was at my last gig?’

Sienna actually laughed. ‘I’ll let you be the judge of that. I don’t mind it. But then again, I eat almost anything, as long as it isn’t alive or shaped like a snake.’

‘Well, on those two points we can agree. So I take it Teddy’s doesn’t serve exotic fare.’

‘Nope. Just watery potatoes and tasteless jelly.’

He glanced at his watch and smiled back at her. ‘Well, then, in the name of science, I think I should go and check out the competition. Can we save the case discussion until later?’

‘Yes, I’m ready for a break as well. And you can tell me what you think once you’ve sampled what the canteen has to offer. Just watch out for the nurses.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Some of them have heard you were coming. While you’re checking out the food, don’t be surprised if they’re checking you out.’

Would they be? He’d made it a point not to get involved with women at all since his separation. And he wasn’t planning on changing that.

And what of Annabelle? She was a nurse. Had she been checking him out as well?

Of course not. But on that note, he’d better go and get something into his stomach. Before he did something stupid and went back down to the first floor to check on a very ill baby, and the protective nurse who hovered over her.

Annabelle wasn’t good for his equilibrium. And she very definitely wasn’t good for his objectivity. And no matter what, he had to keep that. Because if he allowed his heart to become too entangled with her as he cared for his patients, he would have trouble doing his job.

What Baby Hope and the rest of his patients needed was a doctor who could keep his emotions out of the surgical ward. No matter how hard that might prove to be.

* * *

Annabelle grabbed a tray and headed for the line of choices. She wasn’t hungry. Or so she told herself. Her stomach had knotted again and again until there was almost no room in it for anything other than the big bowl of worry she’d dished up for herself that morning. Baby Hope was getting weaker. The crisis she’d had this morning proved it. If Max hadn’t been there, Hope might have...

No, don’t think about that. And Max had not been the only one in that room who could have saved her. Sienna would have called for the exact same treatment protocol. She’d seen the other woman in action.

Once upon a time, Annabelle had expected Max to play the role of saviour. It hadn’t been fair to him. Or to her. He’d finally cracked under the pressure of it all. And so had she. At least her body had.

A few days after she’d lost her last babies, her abdomen and legs had swelled up with fluid from all of the hormones she’d been on and she’d been in pain; Max had rushed her to A&E. They’d given her an ultrasound again, thinking maybe some foetal tissue had been left behind. But what they’d found was that her ovaries had swelled to many times their normal size from harvesting the eggs.

There’d been no magic-wand treatment to make it all go away. Her body had had to do the hard work. She’d worn support hose to keep the fluid from accumulating in her legs, and had had to sleep sitting up in a chair to make it easier to breathe as her hormone levels had gradually gone back to normal. And the look on Max’s face when the doctors had told him the cause...

It had come right on the heels of him telling her that he was done trying to have babies. It had made everything that much worse. But she’d still desperately wanted children, so she’d started keeping secret recordings of her temperature. Only the more secretive she’d got over the coming weeks, the more distant he’d become. In the end, the death knell had sounded before he’d ever found that journal.

Back to food, Annabelle.

She set her tray on the metal supports running parallel to the food selections and gazed into the glass case. Baked chicken? No. Salad? No. Fruit? Yes. She picked up a clear plastic container of fruit salad and set it on her tray, pushing it a few feet further down the line. Sandwiches? Her stomach clenched in revulsion. Not at the food, but at the thought of trying to push that bread down her oesophagus.

Broccoli? Healthy, and she normally loved it, but no. She kept moving past the selection of veggies until she hit the dessert section.

Bad Annabelle. What would your mum say?

She peered back down the row, wondering if she should reverse her steps and make better choices. Except when she glanced the way she’d come, her gaze didn’t fall on food. It fell on the very person she was trying to forget. Max.

And he was with Sienna. Both were holding food trays, which meant...

Oh, no! They were eating lunch too.

It’s what people do. They eat. They sleep. Her throat tightened. They move away to far-off places.

Sienna waved to her. ‘Hey, Annabelle. Hold on. Would you like to join us? We can talk about Baby Hope, and you can help catch Max up on the case.’

It was on the tip of her tongue to say she was going to eat back in her office, but she’d just been worrying about the baby. Any light they could shed on her prognosis should outweigh any awkwardness of eating with her ex. Right?

Right.

‘Sure. I’ll save you a spot.’ She tossed a container of yoghurt onto her plate and then a large slice of chocolate cake for good measure. Handing her personnel card to the cashier and praying she scanned it before the pair caught up with her, she threw a smile at the woman and then headed out towards the crowd of people already parked at tables.

Setting her tray on one of the only available tables in the far corner, she hesitated. Should she really be doing this?

Yes. Anything for Baby Hope.

She shut her eyes. Was she becoming as obsessed with this infant as she had been with her quest to become pregnant all those years ago?

No. Looking back now, those attempts seemed so futile. Desperate attempts by a desperate woman. Max’s childhood had been pretty awful, and she’d wanted to show him how it should be. How wonderful hers had been. And since he had no blood relatives left alive, she’d wanted to give him that physical connection—for the roots she’d had with her own extended family to take hold and spread. Only none of it had worked.

If her sister hadn’t had a devastating experience when trying to adopt a baby, Annabelle might have gone that route after her first miscarriage. But if the grief she’d felt after losing a baby she’d never met was horrific, how much worse had it been for her sister, who’d held a baby in her arms for months only to have to hand him back over to the courts weeks before the adoption was finalised? The whole family had been shattered. And so Annabelle had continued on her quest to have a biological child, only to fail time and time again.

She popped open the lid to her fruit, realising it was the only truly healthy thing on her plate. She’d just wanted to get out of that canteen line at any cost.

Her mouth twisted sideways. It looked as if the final cost would be paid by her waistline and hips. She shoved a huge blueberry into her mouth and bit down hard just as Max and Sienna joined her. Juice spurted over her teeth and drummed at the backs of her lips, seeking the nearest available exit.

Perfect. She covered her mouth with her napkin as she continued to fight with the food, finally swallowing it down with a couple of coughs afterwards.

Max frowned as he sat. ‘Okay?’

‘Yes.’ Another cough, louder this time, a few people at neighbouring tables glancing her way. Probably wondering who they were going to have to do the Heimlich on this time. She swallowed again, clearing her throat. ‘Just went down the wrong pipe.’

Sienna, who arrived with only some kind of green bottled concoction that made Annabelle horrified at what her own plate contained, twisted the lid to her liquid lunch and sat down. She nodded at the selection. ‘I’m finding smaller portions are easier to handle when I’m working. I’ll eat a proper meal when I go off duty.’

Forcing herself to cut a chunk of melon into more manageable pieces, she wished she could be just as disciplined as the surgeon. Well, today was not a good day to stand in judgement of herself. Was it any wonder she was seeking out comfort food? Her husband had just landed back in her life.

She couldn’t even pretend to have a boyfriend, because if there’d been anyone serious she obviously would have wanted to pressure Max into signing the divorce papers. But she hadn’t.

Ugh! She chewed quickly and then swallowed, thankful that at least this time she wasn’t choking.

A phone chirped and all three of them looked down at their devices, making her smile. Her screen was blank, so it wasn’t Ella, who she hadn’t heard from all day, which was unusual. Maybe she hadn’t heard that Max was back.

Or maybe she had.

Sienna frowned, setting her drink down on the table so quickly the contents sloshed, almost coming over the rim of the bottle. She stared at her phone for several seconds, not touching the screen. Either it was very good news...or very...

The other doctor stood up, her tongue flicking out to moisten her lips. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go.’ She glanced at Max. ‘Can you carry on without me?’

‘Of course. Is everything all right?’

‘It will be.’ Her hand went to her midsection. And rather than responding to whoever had sent a message, she dropped her phone into the pocket of her scrubs and picked up her drink, screwing the cap back on. ‘Page me if you have any questions or need help.’

‘I think I’m good.’ Max sent Annabelle a wry glance. ‘I’m sure Anna can answer any questions about Hope or the hospital I might have.’

Or about why he hadn’t severed those final ties that bound them together?

Somehow, though, she doubted he was any more eager to revisit their past than she was. But still, the last thing she wanted today was to play hospital adviser to a man who still made her knees quake. She had no idea why that was so. She was over him. Had been for the last couple of years. In fact, she hadn’t thought of him in...

Well, the last fifteen seconds, but that didn’t count, since he was sitting right across from her. Before today, she’d gone weeks at a time without him crossing her mind.

But since Sienna was glancing her way as if needing reassurance that it was indeed okay to leave them alone without a referee, Annabelle nodded. ‘Go. It’ll be fine.’

Looking a little doubtful, but evidently not enough to want to stick around, the cardiothoracic surgeon gave a quick wave and headed towards the entrance of the canteen. Annabelle noticed she slid her phone out of her pocket and stared at the screen again as she rounded the corner.

She wondered what that was all about. But it was really none of her business.

But Baby Hope was, and since that was why Sienna had wanted to sit with her...

‘Is there some news about the baby?’ Maybe that was what the message was about. Could it be that...? ‘Could a heart have become available?’

Hope sparked in her chest, flaring to life with a jolt that had her leaning forward and sent her plastic fork dropping back onto her tray.

Max must have seen something in her face because he shook his head. ‘No. Not yet. I think she would have told us if that message had anything to do with a donor heart.’

She sagged back into her chair. ‘I was hoping...’

‘I know. Why don’t we work on things we can control until one is available? Tell me anything else you can think of about her. The events surrounding her birth, et cetera.’

‘Are you looking for something in particular?’ She’d told him pretty much everything she knew back in the special care baby unit.

Max pulled a small notebook out of one of the pockets of his jacket. ‘I can look at her chart and get the mechanics. But tell me about her. Anything out of the ordinary that you’ve noticed that you think might help.’

She picked up her fork and pushed around a few more blueberries, not trying to really stab any of them but using the empty gesture as a way to sort through her thoughts about Hope.

‘She’s a fighter. She came into this world crying as hard as her tiny lungs would let her.’ She sucked down a quick breath. ‘Her mother didn’t even touch her. Hope was very sick and might not have survived the night, but she never asked to hold her or tried to keep us from taking her away. Maybe she already knew she was going to leave her behind and was afraid to let herself get attached.’

‘You were there when she was born.’

‘Yes. When the mum came in—already in labour—the doctor examined her. He didn’t like the way the baby’s heartbeat sounded so they did an ultrasound. They immediately saw there was a problem, so they called Sienna down.’ Annabelle gripped her fork tighter. ‘She knew as soon as she looked at the monitor that it was serious. So when she delivered there was a roomful of staff, just in case Hope coded on the table. They did a Caesarean section, trying to save the baby any undue stress during delivery.’

‘It worked. She’s still alive.’

‘Yes. But she’s all alone. Her mum has never even called to check on her. Not once.’

‘And say what?’ Max’s jaw tightened. ‘Maybe she didn’t want to have to deal with the fallout of what might happen if it all went wrong.’

‘It was her child. How could she not want to be there for her?’

‘She could have felt the baby was better off without her.’

Something about the tight way he said those words made her wonder if Max was still talking about Baby Hope and her mum, or something a little closer to home.

Had he felt she was better off without him?

Rubbish. It hadn’t been his idea to leave. It had been hers. If he’d truly loved her, he would have fought for her.

But Max had always had a hard time forming attachments, thanks to parents who did their utmost to avoid any show of affection. And those long trips they’d taken without him—leaving Max to wonder if they were ever coming back. If they missed him at all. Annabelle had cried when he’d told her in halting words the way things had been in his home. Her own family’s open affection and need to be with each other had seemed to fascinate him.

Maybe he really could understand how a mum could abandon her own child. In many ways, Max had felt abandoned. Maybe even by her, when she’d told him to leave.

She should have just given up when he’d given her that last ultimatum. But she hadn’t—she’d wanted Max to have what his parents had denied him. And when he’d found her journal... God, he’d been so furious that night. To forestall any more arguments, she’d told him to get out. The memories created a sour taste in her mouth.

‘I guess I’ll never know what her true motivation was for leaving. If I had, maybe I could have changed her mind, or at least talked her into coming back to check on Hope.’

‘She probably wouldn’t have. Come back, that is. Maybe she felt that once she walked out, there was no going back.’

This time when his eyes came up to meet hers there was no denying that he was talking about something other than their patient.

Unable to come up with anything that wouldn’t inflame the situation further, she settled for a shrug. ‘Maybe not. I guess people just have to learn to live with the consequences of their choices.’

As Annabelle had had to do.

And with that statement, she made the choice to stab her fork into the slab of chocolate cake on her plate and did her best to steer the conversation back to neutral territory. Where there was no chance of loaded statements or examining past regrets too closely.

But even as they spoke of the hospital and its patients and advances in treatment, she was very aware that nothing could ever be completely neutral as far as Max went.

So she would try to do as she’d stated and make the very best choices she could while he was here. And then learn to live with the consequences.

CHAPTER THREE

‘ELLA, LET’S NOT have this discussion right now.’

‘What discussion is that?’ Her best friend batted her eyes, while Annabelle’s rolled around in their sockets. ‘The prodigal returns to the scene of his crime?’

‘That doesn’t even make any sense.’

‘It doesn’t have to. So spill. I haven’t seen you since I heard the big news. Not from you, I might add. What’s up with that?’

She tried to delay the inevitable. ‘What news are you talking about?’

Ella made a scoffing sound as she leaned against the exam table. ‘That a certain ex has crashed back onto the scene.’

Crashed was a very good word for what he’d done. ‘There’s nothing to tell. He showed up yesterday at the hospital.’

‘Out of the blue? With no advance notice?’ Her friend lifted the bottle of water she held, taking a quick drink. She then grimaced.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Fine. Just a little tummy trouble. I hope I’m not coming down with whatever everyone else has. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful Christmas present?’ She twisted her lips and then shrugged. ‘Anyway, you had no idea he was coming?’

‘Of course not. I would have told you, if I’d known.’ And probably caught the next available flight out of town. Annabelle sighed, already tired of this line of questioning. When had life become so complicated? ‘I’m sure someone knew he was coming. I just never thought to ask because I never dreamed...’

‘That Max Ainsley would show up on your doorstep and beg for your forgiveness?’

‘Ella!’ Annabelle hurried over to the door to the exam room and shut it before anyone overheard their conversation. She turned back to face her friend. ‘First of all, he did not show up on my doorstep. He just happened to come to work at the hospital. I’m sure he had no idea I was working here any more than I knew that he was the one taking Sienna’s place. And second, there’s no need for him to apologise.’

‘Like hell there’s not. He practically abandoned you without a word.’

Oh, Lord, she’d had very little sleep last night and now this. As soon as she’d finished lunch with Max yesterday, she had got out of that canteen as fast as she possibly could. Even so, he’d come down to the special care baby unit a couple of hours later to get even more information on Baby Hope. Clinical information this time about blood types and the matching tests they’d done in the hope that a heart would become available.

She’d been forced to stand there as he shuffled through papers and tried to absorb any tiny piece of information that could help with the newborn’s treatment. With his head bent over the computer screen, each little shift in his expression had triggered memories of happier times. Which was why she’d lain in bed and tossed and turned for hours last night. Because she couldn’t help but dissect the whole day time and time again.

Sheer exhaustion had finally pulled her under just as the sun had begun to rise. And then she’d had to get up and come into work, knowing she was going to run into him again today. And tomorrow. And three months from now.

How was she going to survive until his contract ended?

‘He didn’t abandon me. It simply didn’t work out between us. We both had a part in ending it, even though I asked him to leave.’

It was true. She couldn’t see it back then, and Ella had had to listen to her long-distance calls as she’d cycled through the stages of grief, giving sympathy where it was needed and a proverbial kick in the backside when she was still wearing her heart on her sleeve six months after the separation.

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