Celebrate the holidays in Amish Country

Heart of Christmas by Marta Perry

Amish teacher Susannah Miller suddenly has two new students: the children of her former love. Widowed father Toby Unger broke Susannah’s heart ten years ago, but now the handsome Amish man desperately needs help with his troubled little ones. Can the joy of the season reunite two lonely hearts in time for Christmas?

A Plain Holiday by Patricia Davids

Outspoken nanny Sally Yoder left her Amish community for her rumspringa. Though her heart is back home, the Amish man she loves, Ben Lapp, will never love a bold woman like her. But when a snowstorm strands her, her young charges and Ben on a remote farm at Christmastime, they both might discover that love is the true holiday spirit.

Praise for Marta Perry

“Marta Perry is synonymous with sweet, loving romance!”

—RT Book Reviews on A Father’s Place

“Marta Perry writes a warm, loving story.”

—RT Book Reviews on A Soldier’s Heart

“Terrific family story, touching throughout… Kudos to Marta Perry for such an inspiring novel.”

—RT Book Reviews on Mission: Motherhood

Praise for Patricia Davids

“Stirring scenes and displays of unconditional love are reminders of the true meaning of Christmas.”

—RT Book Reviews on Amish Christmas Joy

“Davids’ deep understanding of Amish culture is evident in the compassionate characters and beautiful descriptions that enliven her heartwarming story.”

—RT Book Reviews on A Home for Hannah

“Davids’ latest beautifully portrays the Amish belief that everything happens for a reason.”

—RT Book Reviews on The Christmas Quilt

MARTA PERRY

has written everything from Sunday school curricula to travel articles to magazine stories in more than twenty years of writing, but she feels she’s found her writing home in the stories she writes for the Love Inspired lines.

Marta lives in rural Pennsylvania, but she and her husband spend part of each year at their second home in South Carolina. When she’s not writing, she’s probably visiting her children and her six beautiful grandchildren, traveling, gardening or relaxing with a good book.

Marta loves hearing from readers, and she’ll write back with a signed bookmark and/or her brochure of Pennsylvania Dutch recipes. Write to her c/o Love Inspired Books, 233 Broadway, Suite 1001, New York, NY 10279, email her at marta@martaperry.com, or visit her on the web at www.martaperry.com.

PATRICIA DAVIDS

After thirty-five years as a nurse, Pat has hung up her stethoscope to become a full-time writer. She enjoys spending her new free time visiting her grandchildren, doing some long-overdue yard work and traveling to research her story locations. She resides in Wichita, Kansas. Pat always enjoys hearing from her readers. You can visit her on the web at www.patriciadavids.com.

An Amish Family Christmas

Heart of Christmas

Marta Perry

A Plain Holiday

Patricia Davids

www.millsandboon.co.uk

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Introduction

About the Author

Title Page

Heart of Christmas

Dedication

Bible Verse

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Dear Reader

Questions for Discussion

A Plain Holiday

Dedication

Bible Verse

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Dear Reader

Questions for Discussion

Extract

Copyright

Heart of Christmas

Marta Perry

This story is dedicated to the wonderful editors at Love Inspired, who have taught me so much. And, as always, to Brian.

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world.

Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

—John 8:12

Chapter One

Susannah Miller stood behind the security of her teacher’s desk, watching the departure of school board member James Keim and his wife, and wondered if her annual Christmas program was going to spell the end of her job as teacher at Pine Creek Amish School. The hollow feeling in her stomach brought on by Keim’s complaints lingered even after the door had closed behind him.

Too worldly? What would make the Keims think there was anything worldly about the Amish school’s Christmas program? The program celebrated typical Amish values and attitudes toward the birth of Christ. It had always been the highlight of the school year for her scholars and their families in this small, valley community in central Pennsylvania.

Susannah stiffened her spine. It still would be, if she had anything to say about it. She glanced around the simple, one-room schoolhouse that had become so precious to her over the past twelve years. Everything from the plain, green shades on the windows to the sturdy, wooden desks to the encouraging sayings posted on the wall declared that this was an Amish school, dedicated to educating kinder for life in an Amish community.

Becky Shuler, Susannah’s best friend since childhood, abandoned the pretense she’d adopted of arranging books on the bookshelves. She hurried over to put her arm around Susannah’s waist.

“Ach, Susannah, it wonders me why you don’t look more upset. I’d be throwing something if I had to put up with James Keim’s criticisms. The nerve of the man, coming in here and complaining about your Christmas program before he’s even seen it.”

Susannah shook her head, managing a smile. “I’m not upset.”

Or, at least, she had no intention of showing what she was feeling. Becky was her dearest friend in the world, but she knew as well as anyone that Becky couldn’t keep herself from talking, especially when she was indignant on behalf of those she loved.

“Well, you should be.” Becky’s round cheeks were even rosier than usual, and her brown eyes snapped with indignation. “The Keims have only lived here less than two years, and he thinks he should tell everyone else how to live Amish. How he even got on the school board is a mystery to me.”

Shrugging, Susannah closed the grade book she’d been working on when the Keims had appeared at the end of the school day. “Komm, Becky. You know as well as I do that folks don’t exactly line up to volunteer to be on the school board. James Keim was willing, even eager.”

“That’s certain sure.” Becky’s flashing eyes proclaimed that she was not going to be talked out of her temper so easily. “He was only eager to serve because he wants to make our school into a copy of the one where they lived in Ohio. All I can say is that if he liked Ohio so much, he should have stayed there instead of coming here and bothering us.”

“Becky, you know you shouldn’t talk that way about a brother in the faith. It’s not kind.”

Becky was irrepressible. “But it’s true. You of all people know what a thorn in the side he’s been. Ach, you know I wouldn’t say these things to anyone but you.”

“It would be best not to say them at all. James Keim has his own ideas of what an Amish school should be like. He’s entitled to his opinion.”

Based on his disapproving comments, Susannah suspected that Keim’s previous community had been more conservative than Pine Creek, Pennsylvania. Amish churches varied from place to place, according to their membership and their bishops. Pine Creek, being a daughter church to Lancaster County, was probably a bit less stringent than what Keim had been used to.

“You’re too kind, that’s what you are,” Becky declared, planting her fists on the edge of the desk. “You know perfectly well that he’d like to see his daughter Mary take your place as teacher, so he could boss her around all he wanted.”

Susannah shook her head, but she had to admit there was some truth to what Becky said. As a thirty-year-old maidal who’d been teaching for a dozen years, Susannah wasn’t easily cowed, at least not when it came to her classroom and the young scholars who were like her own children. Young Mary would probably be easily influenced by her father’s powerful personality.

“I don’t think Mary Keim has much interest in teaching, from what I’ve seen,” she said, determined to deflect Becky’s ire. Picking up the cardboard box that held Christmas program materials, Susannah set it on the desk. “If we’re going to work on the program this afternoon, we’d better get started.”

Becky shook her head gloomily. “Mary might not want to teach, but she’d never stand up to her daad. You’re not going to let her help with the Christmas program, are you? She’d just be spying on you and reporting back to him.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” she said. “Maybe she won’t offer.” Susannah pulled the tape from the box lid, sure that would divert Becky’s attention.

“Just one more thing, and then I’ll stop, I promise,” Becky said. “You’re not to pay any heed to Keim’s nasty comment about you not understanding the kinder because you’re unmarried, all right?”

“All right.” That was an easy promise to make. One thing she’d never had cause to question was her feelings for her scholars.

“After all, it’s not as if you couldn’t have married if you’d wanted to.” Becky dived into the box and pulled out a handful of paper stars. “Even after Toby left—” She stopped abruptly, her cheeks flaming. “Susannah, I’m sorry, I—”

“Forget it.” Susannah forced her smile to remain, despite the jolt in her stomach at the mention of Toby’s name. “I have.”

That was a lie, of course, and one she should repent of, she supposed. Still, the gut Lord could hardly expect her to go around parading her feelings about the childhood sweetheart who had deserted her a month before their wedding was supposed to take place.

“Have you? Really?” Becky clasped her hand, her brown eyes suddenly swimming with tears.

“Of course I have,” she said with all the firmness she could muster. “It was ten years ago. My disappointment has long since been forgiven and forgotten. I wish Toby well.”

Did she? She tried to, of course. Forgiveness was an integral part of being Amish. But saying she forgave hadn’t seemed to mend the tear in her heart.

“Well, I wish Tobias Unger was here right now so I could give him a piece of my mind,” Becky declared. “He left so fast nobody had a chance to tell him how ferhoodled he was being. And then his getting married out in Ohio to someone he barely knew... Well, like I said, he was just plain foolish.”

News of Toby had filtered back to Pine Creek after he’d left, naturally, since his family still lived here. Everyone knew he’d married someone else within a year of leaving, just as they’d heard about the births of his two children and about his wife’s death last year. His mother had gone out to Ohio to help with the children for a time, and she’d returned saying that Toby and the kinder really ought to move back home.

But he hadn’t, to Susannah’s relief. She wasn’t sure how she’d cope with seeing him all the time.

“Forget about him,” she said. “Let’s talk about how we’re going to arrange the room for the Christmas program. I have some new ideas.”

“You always have ideas,” Becky said, apparently ready to let go of the sensitive subject. “I don’t know how you keep coming up with something new every year.”

“Ach, there’s always something new to find in Christmas.” Susannah felt a bubble of excitement rising in her at the thought of the much-loved season. “Maybe because we all feel like kinder again, ain’t so?”

“I suppose so. Thomas and the twins have been whispering together for weeks now. I think they’re planning a Christmas surprise for me.” Becky smiled.

“Of course they are. That’s what Christmas is, after all. God’s greatest surprise of all for us.” Susannah swung away from the desk, looking around the room. “What do you think about making the schoolroom itself surprising when folks come in? Maybe instead of having the scholars standing in the front, we could turn everything sideways. That would give the kinder more space.”

She walked back through the rows of desks, flinging out her arms to gesture. “You see, if the audience faced this way—”

The door of the one-room school opened suddenly, interrupting her words. Susannah’s heart jolted, and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

Surely she was dreaming it. The man standing in the schoolhouse doorway wasn’t...couldn’t possibly be...Toby Unger.

* * *

Toby found himself standing motionless for a little too long, the words of greeting he’d prepared failing to appear. He’d known he would see Susannah, after all. He shouldn’t be speechless.

William, holding on to his left hand, gave him a tug forward, while little Anna clung to his pant leg. Toby cleared his throat, feeling his face redden. He could only hope Susannah would think his flush was from the chill December air.

“Susannah. It’s nice to see you after so long.”

Susannah’s heart-shaped face seemed to lose its frozen look when he spoke. She glanced from him to the two children, and a smile touched her lips.

“Wilkom to the school, Toby. These are your kinder?” She stooped to Anna’s level. “I’m Teacher Susannah. What’s your name?”

For an instant, he thought his daughter would respond, but then she hid her face against his leg, as she always did with strangers these days.

“This is Anna,” he said, resting his hand on her shoulder. “She’s six. And this is my son, William.”

“I’m eight,” William announced. “I’m in third grade.”

“You’re a big boy, then.” Something about the expression in Susannah’s green eyes made Toby wonder if she was seeing him at that age. People often said William was very like him, with his gray-blue eyes and the chestnut-colored hair that was determined to curl.

When Susannah returned her gaze to his face, there was no longer any trace of surprise or shock in her. Her heart-shaped face had maturity and control now, although her soft peachy skin and the delicate curve of her cheek hadn’t changed in the ten years since he’d seen her last.

“How nice that you could come to visit,” she said. “I’m sure your mamm and daad are happy to see you and the kinder, especially since your father has been laid up with that broken leg from his accident.”

Of course that was what she’d assume—that he was here to visit, maybe to help out after his father’s fall from the barn loft. He’d made his decision so quickly there wouldn’t have been time for word to spread, even though the Amish grapevine was probably still as effective as ever. Which meant he had to tell her the news that he assumed Susannah would find very unwelcome.

“We’re not here to visit.” He sent a quick, reassuring glance at the kinder. “We’ve come home to Pine Creek to stay.”

“You’re moving back?”

The question came from behind Susannah, and Toby belatedly realized there was someone else in the schoolroom. He must have been so absorbed in seeing Susannah again that he hadn’t looked beyond her face. It took him a moment to recognize the woman who came quickly toward them.

“Becky Mast.” He might have known that’s who it would be. Becky and Susannah had been best friends since the cradle. He could just imagine how furious Becky had been at him for jilting her dearest friend all those years ago.

“I’m Becky Shuler now.” She stood glaring at him, hands planted on her hips. Becky wasn’t as good as Susannah at hiding her feelings, it seemed. “Are you serious about moving back to Pine Creek? Why would you?” The edge in her voice made no secret of her opinion.

“That means I’ll have William and Anna in my classroom,” Susannah said quickly, sending a warning look at her friend. “I’ll be wonderful glad to have two new students in our school.”

Becky, apparently heeding the stern glance from Susannah, seemed to swallow her ire. She smiled at the kinder. “Anna, are you in first grade? My twin girls are in first grade.”

Anna didn’t speak. He didn’t expect her to. But she nodded slightly.

“The twins will enjoy having a new friend,” Susannah said. “You can sit beside them, if you’d like. Their names are Grace and Mary.”

“Where do the third graders sit, Teacher Susannah?” William pulled free of Toby’s restraining hand. “Are there lots of boys?”

“Third graders sit right over here.” She led him to a row of desks somewhere in size between the smallest ones for the beginners and the almost-adult-sized ones for the eighth graders. “We have three other boys in the third grade and four in the fourth, so you’ll have lots of boys to play with at recess.”

William grabbed one of the desks and lifted the top. Before Toby could correct him, Susannah had closed it again, keeping her hand on the surface for a moment.

“That is someone else’s desk. We don’t look through other people’s things unless they say we may.” Susannah’s quiet firmness seemed to impress William, because he nodded and took a step back.

The confidence of her response startled him. The Susannah he remembered hadn’t been capable of correcting anyone. But they were both ten years older now. They’d both grown and changed, hadn’t they?

“I hope it’s not a problem to add two new scholars into your classroom in the middle of the year,” he said.

His mind wandered to the things he’d have to tell Susannah about the kinder, sooner or later. Things that had made him return home, seeking help and stability from his parents.

There was William’s talent for mischief making. And Anna’s shyness, which seemed to be getting worse, not better. But something in him balked at the thought of confessing his failings as a parent to Susannah, of all people.

With her hand resting on the nearest desk, Susannah seemed very much at ease and in command in her classroom. “Becky, would you mind taking William and Anna out to join the twins on the swings? I have some papers their daadi must fill out.”

Becky nodded and held out her hands to the children. “Komm. I’ll show you the playground.”

To his surprise, Anna took Becky’s hand and trotted alongside her with only one backward glance. William, of course, raced ahead of them. After a pause at the door to allow Becky to grab a jacket against the winter chill, they went outside.

“Denke, Susannah.” He turned back to her. “I wanted a chance to talk without the children overhearing.”

“Of course.” Her tone was suddenly cool and formal. She walked to the teacher’s desk and retrieved a folder from a drawer, not speaking. Then she turned back to him. “Here are some forms you can fill out and return when you bring the kinder to class. Will you want them to start tomorrow?”

He nodded as he took the papers, hesitating in the face of her frosty demeanor. It was as if all Susannah’s gentle friendliness had left the room with his kinder.

Still, he could hardly expect her to welcome him back, not after what he’d done. Groping for something to say, he noticed the Christmas stars strewn across her desk, and the sight made him smile.

“Is it time for the Christmas program already? Some things never change, ain’t so?”

Susannah nodded, her expression brightening. “It wouldn’t seem like Christmas if we didn’t have the school Christmas program to look forward to. Becky and I were just saying that the challenge is to come up with something new every year.”

“It’s not possible, is it?” He felt a sudden longing to keep her smiling, to keep her from thinking about their past. “Except that someone usually makes a new and different mistake each time.”

Susannah leaned against the desk, her face relaxing just a little. “I seem to remember a few mistakes that might have been intentional. Like a certain boy who mixed up the letters in the word the class was supposed to be spelling out, so that our Merry Christmas greeting didn’t make any sense.”

He grinned at the memory. “Don’t mention that to William, or he’ll try to outdo my mischief making.”

“I’ll keep your secret,” she said, the corners of her lips curving, making the words sound almost like a promise.

For a moment they stood looking at each other, and he felt as if they were sixteen years old again, knowing each other so well they hardly needed words to communicate. How was it that the past ten years had disappeared so quickly and the link between them still remained?

“Susannah, I hope—” He stopped, not sure he wanted to go on with what he’d impulsively begun.

“What?” Her eyebrows lifted, her green eyes open and questioning, just like they used to be before he’d given her cause to regard him with wariness and suspicion.

He sucked in a breath, determined to get the words out before he lost his courage. “I just hope my return isn’t...well, difficult for you...after the way we parted.”

After the way he’d panicked as their wedding date grew closer, bolting in the night with only a short note left behind to explain himself.

All the vitality seemed to leave Susannah’s face. She turned, taking a step away from him. The moment shattered as if it had never happened.

“Of course not.” Susannah’s voice was colorless, her voice that of a stranger. “I’m sure everyone in Pine Creek will be happy to wilkom you home.”

Toby carefully smoothed the papers he’d clenched in his hand. Susannah didn’t need words to spell out what she felt. It was only too clear.

She hadn’t forgotten, and she hadn’t forgiven.

Chapter Two

Susannah held her breath, fearing her denial hadn’t been very convincing. If she wasn’t bothered by Toby’s return to Pine Creek, why did she find it necessary to hide her expression from him?

Because he’d always been able to read her emotions too clearly, answered a small voice in her thoughts. Because she was afraid that the feelings between them might still be there.

Grow up, she told herself fiercely and swung around to face him. She touched her desk with the tips of her fingers, and the reminder of who and where she was seemed to steady her.

“It’s been a long time.” She hoped her smile was more natural now. “I’m sure people will chatter about us, remembering that we planned to marry. But if we show them that we are nothing more than old friends, that should silence the gossip, ain’t so?”

If he believed her only concern was what people might say, so much the better. And it was certain sure the grapevine would wag with this tale for a time.

“If you can stand it, I can.” Toby’s smile was full of relief. It relaxed the tight lines of his face, making him look more like the boy she remembered.

As for the rest... Well, Toby had changed, of course. Maybe men changed more between twenty and thirty than women did. Toby seemed taller, broader, even more substantial in a way. He looked as if it would take a lot to move him.

His hair, always the glossy brown of horse chestnuts, might be a shade darker, but she’d guess it still had glints of bronze in the sun. His eyes were a deep, deep blue, but there were tiny lines at the corners of them now, no doubt because of the difficult time he’d been through with his wife’s death. His curly dark beard hid his chin, but she had no doubt it was as stubborn as ever.

Realizing she was studying his face too long, Susannah said, “Tell me a little about your young ones. Have they had a difficult time adjusting to their mammi’s death?”

Toby nodded. He perched on one of the first grader’s desks, looking like a giant amid the child-size furniture. “It hasn’t been easy. It’s been over a year, you know. I suppose I thought her loss would become less hurtful for them after a time, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.”

“I’m sorry.” Her heart ached at his obvious pain. Poor children. Poor Toby, trying to deal with them and cope with his own grief, as well. “There isn’t any timetable for grief, I’m afraid. For a child to lose his or her mother is devastating.”

“It is.” He rubbed the back of his neck in a gesture so familiar that it made her heart lurch. “I feel like a pretty poor substitute for Emma in their eyes.”

“They need you to be their father, not their mother,” she said gently. “Was your wife’s family not able to help?”

Toby hunched his shoulders. “They had moved to Colorado to help start a new settlement before Emma became sick. Her mother came for a time, but I can’t say it helped a lot. She was so sad herself that it seemed to make the pain even worse for the kinder.”

“So that’s why you decided to come back home.” It was growing easier to talk to him with every word. Soon it wouldn’t bother her at all, and she could treat Toby just as she would any other friend of her childhood.

“That’s so. I knew I needed more help, and my folks kept urging me to come. Then Daad’s accident seemed to make it more crucial.” Toby shifted a little, maybe finding the small desk not well suited for sitting on. His black jacket swung open, showing the dark blue shirt he wore, which nearly matched his eyes. “Daad has always wanted me to work with him in the carriage-building business.” He abruptly stopped speaking, leaving Susannah to think there was more to his decision than he’d admitted.

“Is that what you want, too?”

Toby’s face lit up. “More than anything. Working with Daad was always the future I’d planned for myself, before I...left.”

Susannah had been so wrapped up in her own loss ten years ago that she’d never thought about what Toby had given up when he’d run away from their impending wedding.

“Well, it’s gut that you can join him now.” She forced a cheerful note into her voice. “Especially since he’s laid up. Although I don’t suppose he’s as busy in the winter, anyway, is he?”

“No. Daad says if he had to fall out of the hayloft, he picked the best time to do it. He’d intended to keep working over the winter, but all he’s been able to do is supervise some repairs with Ben doing the work. And constantly criticizing, according to Ben.” He chuckled.

Ben, Toby’s younger brother, had been one of Susannah’s scholars only a few years ago.

Susannah hesitated, but there was a question she wanted answered, and since they were talking so freely, maybe it was best just to get it out.

“I hope you didn’t delay your return all this time because of what happened between us.” That was as close as she could come to asking him outright.

Toby’s eyes widened. “No, Susannah. Please don’t think so. The truth is that Emma didn’t want to move away from her family and the community she’d always known.” He shrugged. “I didn’t much like working in a factory, but I couldn’t bear to tear her away from her family.”

No, she could imagine that Toby hadn’t been well suited to factory work. He’d always wanted to do things his own way and at his own pace. “You made the best decisions you could, I’m sure.”

Toby’s face tightened, and she had a sense of things unsaid. “Well, I’m here now, anyway. I thought Ben might resent me joining the business, but he seems wonderful glad to have someone else for Daad to blame when things go wrong.” His face relaxed in a grin. “Daad’s a little testy since he can’t do things on his own.”

“I’m sure. Your mamm mentioned that she had her hands full with him.”

“That she does. I’m afraid it’s an added burden, me returning with the two kinder. But I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Ach, don’t think that way.” She nearly reached out to him in sympathy but drew back just in time. She couldn’t let herself get too close to Toby, for both their sakes. “You know your parents want nothing more than to have you and their grandchildren with them. Your mamm is always talking about the two of them.”

“She may not be so happy when she realizes what she’s got herself into.” He stared down at his hands, knotted into fists against his black broadfall trousers. “The truth is, William and Anna are both...difficult.”

Susannah had the sense that this was what Toby had been trying to say since the kinder had left the room, and she murmured a silent prayer for the right words.

“Difficult how?” She tried to smile reassuringly. “You don’t need to be afraid to confide in me, Toby. Anything you tell me about the kinder is private, and as their teacher, I can help them best if I understand what’s happening with them.”

He nodded, exhaling a long breath. “I know I can trust you, Susannah.” A fleeting smile crossed his face, then was gone. “I always could.”

No doubt he was remembering all the times she hadn’t told on him when he’d been up to mischief. “Just tell me what troubles you about them,” she said.

“My little Anna,” he began. “Well, you saw how she is. So shy she hardly ever says a word. She was never as outgoing as William, but she used to chirp along like a little bird when it was just the family. Now she scarcely talks even to me.”

Susannah’s heart twisted at his obvious pain. “Is it just since her mammi died?”

He nodded. “That’s when I started noticing it, anyway. She hasn’t even warmed up to her grossmammi yet, and I know that hurts my mother.”

“She’ll be patient,” Susannah said, knowing Sara Unger would do anything for her grandchildren. “What about William? He’s not suffering from shyness, I’d say.”

“No.” Toby didn’t smile at her comment. If anything, he looked even more worried. “William has been a problem in another way.” He hesitated, making her realize how difficult it was for him to talk about his children to her. “William has been getting up to mischief.”

“Well, he probably takes after his father. You shouldn’t—”

He shook his head, stopping her. “I’m not talking about the kind of pranks I used to play. I’m talking about serious things. Things where he could have been badly hurt.” He paled. “He tried to ride bareback on a young colt that was hardly broken to harness. He challenged one of the other boys to jump from the barn window, and it’s a wonder he wasn’t hurt.” Toby’s jaw tightened. “He started a fire in the shed. If I hadn’t seen the smoke—” He broke off abruptly.

Susannah’s thoughts were reeling, but she knew she had to reassure him somehow. Say something that would show she was on his side.

“I’m so sorry, Toby.” Her heart was in the words. “But you mustn’t despair. William is young, and he’s acting out his pain over his mother in the only way he can think of. This is going to get better.”

“I want to believe that.” The bleakness in his expression told her he didn’t quite mean what he said.

“There’s a way to reach William, I promise you. I’ll do everything I can to help him. To help both of them.”

Wanting only to ease the pain she read in Toby’s face, she reached out to clasp his hand. The instant they touched, she knew she’d made a mistake.

Their eyes met with a sudden, startled awareness. His seemed to darken, and Susannah felt her breath catch in her throat. For a long moment, they were motionless, hands clasped, gazes intertwined.

And then he let go of her hand as abruptly as if he’d touched a hot stove. He cleared his throat. “Denke, Susannah.” His voice had roughened. “I knew the kinder could count on you for help.”

She clasped her hands together tightly, feeling as if she’d forgotten how to breathe. “That’s why I’m here,” she said. She managed a bland smile and retreated behind her desk.

Toby rose, and for the life of her, she couldn’t think of anything else to say. But one thing had become very clear to her.

She wasn’t over Toby Unger at all, and somehow, she was going to have to learn to deal with it.

* * *

Toby sat at the kitchen table by lamplight with Daad while Mamm put dishes away. He felt as if he’d jumped backward in time. He and Daad used to sit like this in the evening when the chores were done, hearing the life of the household go on around them while Daad planned out their next day’s work.

The two sisters who’d come after him were married now, with families of their own, but his youngest sister, Sally, was upstairs putting William and Anna to bed for him. Sixteen, and just starting her rumspringa years, Sally had developed into a beauty, but she didn’t seem aware of it. Maybe she thought it was natural to have all the boys flocking around her the way they did. It didn’t turn her head, at any rate. She was sweet and loving with his children—an unexpected blessing upon his return.

And Susannah? Would she be a blessing, as well? He still felt that jolt of surprise he’d experienced when their eyes first met. How could he still feel an attraction for the woman he’d jilted ten years ago?

Mamm leaned across him to pour a little more coffee into Daad’s cup. “Did you have a chance to talk to Susannah today about the kinder?”

He nodded. He had to keep his mind on his children. Any flicker of attraction he felt for Susannah was surely just a result of seeing someone again he’d once been so close to.

“It wasn’t easy to tell her,” he admitted. “But I figured she needed to know about my worries if she’s going to be their teacher.”

“You don’t need to worry about Susannah. She’s not one to go blabbing about private things.” Daad’s voice was a low bass rumble. He shifted position on the chair, and Toby suspected the heavy cast on his leg was troubling him.

“She’s a fine teacher,” Mamm said warmly. “Look how patient she was with that boy of Harley Esch’s when he had trouble learning. And now he’s reading just as well as can be, his mamm told me. She can’t say enough about Teacher Susannah.”

“I’m glad to know it. I hope she does as well with William and Anna.” Toby raised his gaze to the ceiling, hoping that William wasn’t upstairs giving his young aunt any trouble.

“Ach, you’re worrying too much.” His mother patted his shoulder, fondly letting her hand rest there. “You’ll see. Just being here with family is going to do them a world of good. And Susannah will help them, too.”

Toby nodded, smiling, and wished he could share her confidence. The thing he couldn’t talk about, never even thought about if he could help it, reared its ugly head.

If he hadn’t rushed into marriage with Emma, if he had been a better husband, if he had been able to love her as much as he should have...

Once started, that train of thought could go on and on. He had to stop before the burden of guilt grew too heavy to carry.

“We’ve been fortunate to have Susannah settle in and teach for over ten years,” Mamm said. “It’s not often that a teacher stays so long. Usually just when they have experience, they up and get married—” She stopped abruptly, maybe thinking she was getting into rocky territory.

Was he the reason Susannah had never married? If so, he’d done even more harm than he’d known.

“I hear James Keim is saying she’s been there too long,” Daad commented, stretching his good leg.

Toby frowned. “Who is James Keim, and why would he be saying something like that?”

“Ach, I’m sure he means no harm,” Mamm said quickly. “He and his family moved here from Ohio a couple of years ago, and he’s certain sure interested in the school. He was even willing to serve on the school board.”

That didn’t really answer his question. “Why would he say something negative about Susannah?”

“Well, now, we don’t know for sure that he did,” Daad said in his calm way. He sent a quelling glance toward Mamm. “It was gossip, when all’s said and done. But supposedly he thinks the school would be better off with a new, young teacher, someone closer to the students in age.”

“That’s nonsense.” Toby’s tone was so sharp that both his parents looked at him. He shrugged. “I mean, it seems silly to think of getting rid of a good teacher for a reason like that. Like Mamm said, the more experience a teacher has, the better.”

Toby wondered to himself, where had that come from, that protective surge of feeling for Susannah? And more important, what was he going to do about it?

Chapter Three

When Susannah took her scholars outside for recess, she had a moment to assess William and Anna’s first day of school. It would be hard to forget, since Anna was still clinging firmly to her skirt.

Normally, Susannah might opt to stay inside during recess and prepare for the next class, but her helper today was Mary Keim, and she suspected Mary wasn’t ready to be left alone with the kinder yet. She studied the girl’s face for a moment, searching for some sign that Mary actually wanted to be helping at the school. She couldn’t find one. Mary stood pressed against the stair railing, not venturing toward the swings and seesaws, which occupied most of the children. She seemed afraid to move.

Susannah bit back a wave of exasperation. She rather expected this withdrawal from shy little Anna on her first day at a new school. She would think that sixteen-year-old Mary might have a bit more confidence.

“You don’t need to stay here with me, Mary. Why don’t you play catch with the older children? Or you can push some of the young ones on the swings.”

Mary showed the whites of her eyes like a frightened horse. “I...I’ll try,” she said and walked slowly toward the swings.

No, not a horse, Susannah decided, watching the girl’s tentative approach to the smaller children. Mary was more like a little gray mouse, with her pale face, pointed chin and anxious, wary eyes. She feared making a mistake, Susannah decided, and so she took refuge in doing nothing. If her father thought a few weeks as the teacher’s assistant was going to turn the girl into a teacher, he was mistaken.

Well, parents were often the last to realize what their children were best suited for. She’d certainly seen that often enough as a teacher. But she had more immediate problems to deal with than Mary Keim’s future.

Sinking onto the step, Susannah drew Anna down next to her. “You did very well with your reading this morning, Anna. Do you like to read?”

The child nodded, her blue eyes showing a flicker of interest, but she didn’t speak.

“I’d guess somebody reads stories to you before you go to bed at night. Am I right?”

Again a nod, this time accompanied by a slight smile.

“Let’s see if I can guess who. Is it Daadi?”

A shake of the head answered her.

“Grossmammi?”

“Sometimes.” The word came in a tiny whisper.

“Who else, besides Grossmammi?” Why wasn’t Toby doing it? Was he that busy with the carriage business at this time of the year? Maybe he considered that a woman’s job, but...

“Aunt Sally likes to read stories.”

That was the longest sentence she’d gotten from the child, and Susannah rejoiced.

“I know your aunt Sally. Once she was one of my scholars, just as you are. She liked to read then, too.”

Anna’s small face lit up. “She makes all the noises in the story when she reads.”

Susannah couldn’t help chuckling. “She did that in school, too. Do you giggle when she does it?”

And there it was—an actual smile as Anna nodded. Susannah put her arm around the child and hugged her close. All Anna needed was a little time, patience and encouragement. She would—

A sudden shout jolted Susannah out of her thoughts. She turned her head, her gaze scanning the schoolyard for trouble. And found it. Two boys were engaged in a pushing match, and even as she ran toward them, she realized that the smaller one was William.

“Stoppe, schnell,” she commanded in the tone that never failed to corral her students’ attention. It didn’t fail now. Both William and Seth Stoltzfus, a sixth grader with a quick temper, jerked around to face her.

“This is not acceptable. Into the schoolroom. Now. Both of you.” With a hand on each one’s shoulder, she marched them toward the school.

Mary stood watching, openmouthed.

“Mary, you are in charge on the playground until I ring the bell. Try to get Anna to go on the swings with the twins, please.”

Mary nodded and scurried to do her bidding, and Susannah sent up a quick prayer for guidance. After what Toby had confided to her, she’d expected trouble with William, but she hadn’t thought it would flare up so quickly.

“Now then.” Leaving them standing in front of her desk, she took her place behind it. “What did you think you were doing?”

“He started it,” Seth said quickly.

“Did not,” William retorted. “He did.”

“Did n—”

“Stop.” She halted the repetition of blame. “Were you arguing over the baseball?” Some of the older boys had been tossing it around before the trouble started.

Seth nodded. “It went toward him, and he wouldn’t give it back.”

“I was going to throw it.” William glared belligerently. “You didn’t need to grab.”

“So, you were both wrong,” she said. “That is not how we settle disputes in our school. You know that. You’ll both stay after school and wash the boards for me today.” She knew that would make an impact. While the girls vied for the opportunity to clean the chalkboards, the boys hated the job. For some reason she didn’t understand, they’d decided it was unmanly.

“Yah, Teacher Susannah.” Seth edged backward, and when she didn’t say anything more, he hurried back to his interrupted recess.

William took a few steps, his expression hostile, then stopped. “Are you going to tell my daadi?”

Susannah’s heart softened. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

The expression that swept across his face couldn’t be missed. Disappointment. Why was the boy disappointed? Relief would be more natural, wouldn’t it?

Jaw set, William turned away, contriving to knock the books off the nearest desk as he did so.

“Perhaps I should ask your father to come in,” she said, watching for his reaction.

William shrugged. “He can’t. He’s busy working all the time.”

Susannah surveyed the boy thoughtfully. That surely wasn’t true, but she had a feeling William thought it was. Possibly this attitude was a hangover from what must have been very difficult times. Toby had been working in a factory, he’d said, so he wouldn’t have been able to take time off during the day very often.

Most Amish, if they could manage it, preferred to farm or run a home-based business so that the family could work together. Toby apparently hadn’t had that choice, and with a sick wife and no relatives close at hand, he’d probably had little time for anything else.

“It might be different here,” she suggested, concerned that she might be venturing too far into personal territory.

William shook his head, pressing his lips together. “Can I go?”

She nodded, feeling helpless, and watched him leave the room with a swagger probably designed to tell anyone who saw him that he didn’t care about getting into trouble with the teacher.

She really didn’t want to have any further private conversations with Toby, but she was afraid she’d have to.

The opportunity arose when Toby came to pick up his children from school. After a look at his son, busily washing the chalkboards, he walked out of the schoolhouse and approached Susannah where she stood on the steps, waving goodbye to her scholars.

“I take it William is in trouble already.” He stood at the top of the steps, looking down at her.

Susannah went up a step. Toby had quite enough of a height advantage on her already, without adding any more. “I’m afraid so.”

He looked as if he was bracing himself for the news. “How bad?”

“Not bad at all.” She smiled to lessen the sting he was undoubtedly feeling. No parent wanted to hear that his child hadn’t behaved properly. “I thought a session of washing the boards together might be good for both Seth and William.”

Toby put one hand on the porch post, looking as if he’d like to pull it loose and throw it. “Fighting?”

“Just pushing each other. There’s no need for you to say anything more to him. I can deal with what happens at my school.”

“I’m sure you can.” His glance held a hint of surprise. “You’ve changed, Susannah.”

“I’ve grown up,” she corrected. “We both have.”

He blew out a sigh. “I don’t know. Grown-ups are supposed to have the answers, aren’t they? I don’t seem to have any.”

“No one does. We just muddle along and do our best to live as God wants.”

She’d had every intention of keeping her conversations with him cool and impersonal, and here they were, talking like old friends again. Like people who’d known each other so long that they barely needed to use words.

“What can I do, Susannah?” He was looking at her, his eyes so honest and pleading that she knew she had to help him, no matter the risk to her heart.

“I’ve been giving it some thought,” she said carefully. “It seems to me that Anna just needs a bit of time and patience to ease her transition to her new life. As for William...” She had to proceed slowly. She didn’t want to add to Toby’s burdens, but he seemed to be the key to the boy’s difficulties. “Perhaps if you could spend more time with him—”

“Do you think I don’t know that I’m to blame?” The quick flash of anger seemed to be directed more at himself than at her. “That’s the main reason I moved back here. I want William to have the kind of relationship with me that I had with my daad, working together, enjoying each other....” His voice trailed off.

“I know,” she said softly. “I thought perhaps if you volunteered to help with the Christmas program, it would be a start. William could work with you building the props and getting the classroom ready. And Anna would find reassurance in having you close at hand during part of her school day.”

And what would she find in having Toby in her classroom, seeing him often, trying to manage her rebellious heart?

But Toby’s face had already brightened at her suggestion. “That’s a fine idea, Susannah. If you’re sure you can stand having me around so much, that is.”

She couldn’t force a smile no matter how hard she tried, but she nodded. “Gut. That’s settled, then. We’ll start work on the program on Monday afternoon.”

“I’ll be here,” he said. He started to turn toward the classroom and his kinder, and then stopped, looking into her face. “You’re a kind person, Susannah. I won’t forget this.”

His fingers brushed her hand, and awareness shimmered across her skin. No. She wouldn’t forget, either.

* * *

Susannah sat beside Becky in the buggy on Saturday, struggling to find the best way of telling her friend she was going to be working with Toby. There didn’t seem to be any.

Becky was bound to disapprove, and Susannah could hardly blame her. After all, it was Becky who’d seen her through that terrible time after Toby left.

Back then, Susannah had managed to keep her calm facade in place with other people. That had been prideful, most likely, but it had seemed necessary. She hadn’t wanted to burden her parents or Toby’s with her hurt. It was only with Becky that she’d felt free to expose her inner grief and pain.

They were pulling into the parking area at Byler’s Book Shop, and she still hadn’t managed to bring up the subject. Byler’s, like most Amish businesses, was located right on the family farm—a square, cement-block building to house the store, run by Etta Byler, with the help of various sisters and cousins.

Becky parked the buggy at the hitching rail, and they both slid down. “I love having a reason to visit the book shop.” Becky was smiling in anticipation. “I think I’ll get a book for each of the twins for Christmas. After I help find the materials for the program, of course.”

“You can do all the browsing you want,” Susannah said, leading the way to the door. “That’s the best part of coming to the book shop, ain’t so?”

Susannah paused inside the door, taking in the sections devoted to children’s books, history and the ever-popular Amish romance novels. Several women were already browsing through books by their favorite authors. Becky cast a longing look in that direction, but she followed Susannah to the area devoted to aids for teachers.

Susannah paused in front of a display of bulletin-board materials. “I was thinking that we might work the whole program around the idea of light. Jesus came to be the light for the world, and then there’s the Christmas star and the idea of letting your light shine....”

“But not blinding your neighbor with it,” Becky finished the familiar Amish phrase, grinning. “That’s a great idea, if we can find enough things that relate to it.”

“I can write some of the pieces myself, if I need to.” The youngest scholars were usually the most difficult to find parts for. They needed roles that didn’t require too much reading and would allow them to move around, if possible. They’d be fidgeting, anyway, unused to being the center of attention for all the parents and grandparents and siblings who would pack the schoolhouse for the event.

“Stars, candles,” Becky said, musing. “Or even lanterns. We have some in the barn.”

“I’ve been thinking of having two or three large cardboard candles on each side of the area where the scholars will perform. They’d enjoy that, I think.”

Becky nodded, quick to jump on the idea. “We can get some of the fathers to make them, ain’t so? Who do you want to ask?”

Susannah couldn’t put it off any longer. At least no one was close enough to hear Becky’s inevitable reaction.

“I already have a volunteer.” She kept her voice casual and her eyes on the shiny cutouts she was leafing through. “Toby is willing to help.”

It took so long for Becky to respond that Susannah thought she hadn’t heard. She grabbed Susannah’s hands and pulled her around to face her.

“Toby? What is wrong with you, Susannah? Why would you let Toby anywhere near you after what he’s done?”

“Shh. Becky, his children are my students. I can’t keep him away from the school.” She had no hope that Becky would accept that as a reason.

“I know what he’s doing.” Becky’s eyes narrowed. “He’s volunteered to help because he wants to get close to you again.”

Her voice had risen, and Susannah shot a quick look around. “Hush. Do you want someone to hear?” At least in a public place, she had a reason for trying to mute Becky’s protests. Unfortunately she knew she’d have to listen to them all the way home.

Becky dismissed her words with a quick gesture. “Why didn’t you tell him no? Say you already had enough help?”

“It wasn’t that way.” She found she was trying to avoid her friend’s eyes. “Toby didn’t suggest it. I did.”

Becky was silent for a moment, clasping her hands tightly. “Ach, Susannah, what were you thinking? You’re surely not falling for him again.”

“It’s nothing like that,” she protested. “William is troubled, and he needs attention from his father. I thought if they worked together on the project, it might help him.”

Becky pressed her lips together in disapproval. “Let him do that outside of school—far away from you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. My only interest in Toby is as his children’s teacher. I’m not going to get involved with him again.”

Becky studied Susannah’s face for a moment and shook her head. “I’m not sure if you actually believe what you’re saying or not. But I am sure of one thing. If you let Toby get close to you, he’ll only hurt you again.”

Susannah felt her throat tighten as she considered the words. Becky was only saying what she herself knew was true. But her commitment to her students came before her own feelings. Somehow, she’d have to get through working with Toby without exposing her heart.

Chapter Four

Toby felt more than a little out of place when he arrived at the school Monday afternoon for his first stint helping with the Christmas program. Susannah had seemed confident that this would be good for his children, but he couldn’t deny it made him self-conscious to think of trying to build bridges with his children under her gaze.

Well, Susannah wouldn’t be critical of him. That wasn’t in her nature. He’d turned his kinder over to her with complete confidence in her abilities, so the least he could do was follow her advice.

The schoolroom was already humming with activity when he stepped inside, and Toby paused for a moment, hefting his toolbox in one hand, while he tried to make sense of what was going on. One group of children seemed to be reading their parts out loud, while in another corner, some older girls were working on poster-size sheets of paper.

Becky was there, directing a group that was decorating a bulletin board. She gave him a cool nod, making him wonder what she’d said when she’d learned he’d be helping. Nothing complimentary, he imagined.

Susannah greeted him, wearing her usual composed smile. “You’re right on time. I have the materials over here for the big candles, and I thought you and some of the boys might start on those first.”

He nodded, following her to one side of the room where some desks had been pushed out of the way. She’d described what she wanted, and it seemed simple enough, although time-consuming, especially since Susannah expected him to be working with the children instead of doing it himself. Still, that was a typically Amish way of learning—doing a task alongside someone who had already mastered it.

Almost before he had gathered his thoughts, Susannah left him alone with a group of boys that included his son. William wore a wooden expression that suggested he wasn’t sure if he liked having his father here in the schoolroom.

“Suppose you all gather ’round, and I’ll show you what Teacher Susannah wants us to build.” He spread out the drawing he’d made for them. “The candles will be supported by a base and a diagonal, wooden brace on the back, where it won’t show.” He pointed with his pencil, and several of the older boys nodded.

“We’ll be painting them when they’re finished, ain’t so?” One of them, a tall kid with a shock of wheat-colored hair brushing his eyebrows, asked as he leaned over the sketch.

Toby nodded. “We’ve got a lot of work to do before then, so let’s get started.”

To his relief, several of the older boys immediately caught on to what was required. They had obviously done some carpentry before. He was able to set them to work on one candle while he tackled another with the younger ones, and soon the tap of hammers joined in the chorus of children’s voices practicing their lines under Susannah’s direction.

“You started school here at the right time,” he told William. “Putting on the Christmas program is one of most fun things you’ll ever do in the Pine Creek school, ain’t so?”

His son shrugged. “I guess.”

Toby inwardly sighed. If he got discouraged every time William gave him a two-word answer, he’d be done before he started. He had to persevere.

“My daadi says you went to school here with him.” The boy working next to William had a face spattered with freckles and a gap-toothed smile.

Memory stirred. “Is your daadi Paul Broder?”

The kid’s grin widened as he nodded. “I’m Matthew Broder. Do you remember my daad?”

“I sure do. Ask him if he remembers the time we ate the green apples from the apple tree in the schoolyard and were sick all afternoon.”

The memory brought a smile to his face. Paul had often been his partner in crime, as he recalled, but he hadn’t trusted Toby’s judgment quite so much after the green-apple affair.

William made a pretense of ignoring them, but he suspected his son was more interested in the conversation than he let on.

“Teacher Susannah was in school here with us, too,” he said. “Did your daad tell you that?”

Matthew nodded. “Everybody knows that.”

Of course. Everybody knew everything there was to know about people in this isolated community. Funny how he’d once been so eager to leave, when now he just wanted to fit in again.

Holding a crosspiece for the base while his son hammered a nail in, Toby realized he hadn’t felt this content in a long time. It was good to be back in the familiar schoolroom, feeling again the sense of order and purpose that permeated it.

And it was especially satisfying to be working next to his son, watching William’s small hands mimic his actions. This was what they could have had all along, if he hadn’t been stuck working in the factory all day and getting home so late that he hardly saw his kinder.

But he’d known what to expect when he got married. Emma hadn’t made any secret of her feelings. He just hadn’t expected their marriage to turn out the way it had.

By the time Susannah rang the bell signaling the end of the school day, they’d made good progress on the first two candles. He glanced over to catch Susannah’s eye.

“I’ll stick around for a few more minutes to finish up, if that’s okay.”

She nodded, supervising as her scholars lined up to leave, obviously preoccupied with seeing that they had coats, jackets, books, lunch pails and so forth. In a moment the schoolroom had emptied, but Becky lingered, her jacket in her hands and the twins tugging at her skirt.

“I told my mother we’d pick her up right after school,” she was telling Susannah, sounding unduly concerned about something so simple.

“Of course. Go ahead.” Susannah picked up a pencil that had dropped on the floor.

“Are you sure?” Becky paused with a meaningful glance at him.

“Go.” Susannah made a shooing motion with her hands.

Despite her doubts, Becky went out the door with her twins.

Once the door had closed behind them, Toby grinned at Susannah. “Is Becky worried about my reputation or yours?”

A faint color came up in Susannah’s cheeks. “I...neither, I’m sure.”

Her reaction took him aback. Maybe this was more than just a matter of Becky disliking him for jilting Susannah. He thought of what Daad had said about the school board member. Was Susannah’s position really so precarious that she couldn’t be in the schoolroom with a man she’d known all her life? Or was Becky afraid Susannah still had feelings for him? Either way, he’d best be careful.

Anna tugged at Susannah’s apron. “Teacher? Were you really in school with my daadi?”

Apparently Anna’s curiosity had overcome her shyness. He was so relieved he rushed to answer. “She was. And so was the twins’ mother.”

Anna blinked, absorbing this news.

“Your daadi grew up here in Pine Creek,” Susannah explained. “So this was his school. When we were in first grade, like you, I sat here.” She led Anna to the desk she’d occupied in the first row. “And he sat right across from me, where you sit now.”

“Really?” Anna seemed to look at her desk with fresh eyes. “Did you really sit here, Daadi?”

“Teacher Susannah is right as usual,” he said solemnly. “In fact, if no one has sanded it out, my initial might still be under the seat.” Crossing to them, he turned the seat over and showed her. “See?”

Susannah looked at him with amusement in her eyes. She bent to run her fingers over the letters he’d dug with the point of a compass, bringing her face close to his. “I can see I’ll have to have these refinished.”

Her nearness brought a treacherous memory to mind. He’d taken Susannah home from a singing for the first time—Daad had let him take the two-seater buggy. He’d been so determined—and so nervous—to kiss her, it was a wonder he’d ever got up the courage.

He’d stopped the buggy just beyond the glow from her parents’ kitchen window. Turned to her, just able to make out the soft curve of her lips. She’d smiled at him and then, maybe reading his intent in his face, her smile had trembled. Their lips had met—an awkward kiss that carried with it all the sweetness of first love.

Maybe the memory showed in his face too clearly. Susannah’s eyes met his, and they darkened. Her lips trembled, and for a moment, he was transported back to that buggy on a spring night....

The schoolroom door clattered open, and heavy footsteps sounded. Fear flared in Susannah’s eyes.

Moving deliberately, he righted the desk, setting it squarely upright. Then he turned to meet James Keim’s unfriendly scrutiny.

“James Keim, isn’t that right? I’m Tobias Unger.”

“I know who you are.” Keim glanced from Susannah to him. “What are you doing here?”

The question was almost openly hostile.

Anger flared, but before he could speak, Susannah did.

“Toby has two kinder in our school.” Her tone was perfectly cool, and Toby wondered what it took to keep it that way.

Keim’s face settled into a disapproving frown. “It’s after school hours.”

Toby clenched the edge of the desk hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Susannah flashed him a look that spoke volumes.

“We are working on preparations for the Christmas program.” Susannah gestured toward the half-finished candles. “Toby generously volunteered to work with the boys on some carpentry. We always need parents to help.” She looked at Keim expectantly, and Toby had to suppress a smile. Obviously the man didn’t want to help. Just as obviously he didn’t want to admit it.

Keim cleared his throat. “You know how I feel about this program of yours. But I’ll have Mary come help you. It will be more suitable than having the teacher alone in the schoolroom with a man.”

Clutching the desk wasn’t helping as his temper flashed, but he somehow managed to keep it under control. He had hurt Susannah once. The last thing he wanted was to cause trouble for her now. So he would say nothing, regardless of how much the man annoyed him. There was little he could do to make amends to Susannah, but at least he could do this.

* * *

Several days had passed, and although Susannah was pleased with the effect Toby’s presence had on his children, she still couldn’t entirely dismiss the implication of James Keim’s words. Were other people coming to similar conclusions about her and Toby? She’d hate to think so.

Mary Keim was staying after school to help every day, and Susannah suspected she had orders to report to her father everything that was said. Still, the girl seemed to be responding to the small responsibilities Susannah gave her, and when Mary relaxed, she had a nice way with the children.

Susannah drew her buggy to a halt at the back porch of Becky’s home and tried to dismiss the worries from her mind. It was time for the monthly get-together of the girls who’d been in her rumspringa group, an occasion for eating, talking and much laughter. She knew these girls as well as she knew anyone, and with them, she could relax and be herself. Even the fact that she was teaching many of their children didn’t seem to disrupt their bond.

Giving her buggy horse a final pat, she headed inside, already hearing the buzz of women’s voices, interrupted by laughter. They were all married with children, happy for an evening away from responsibilities, eager to chatter about everything that had happened in Pine Creek since they’d last met.

Susannah paused, her hand on the door. What were the chances they’d heard about Keim’s outrage over finding her working alone in the schoolroom with only a child to chaperone them? She shivered, as if a cold snowflake had landed on her.

With an annoyed shake of her head, Susannah opened the door. She would not let herself start imagining things. She stepped inside and was engulfed in a wave of warmth and welcome.

Over the supper Becky had prepared, the talk stayed general, and Susannah was able to join in the chatter about Christmas plans and holiday baking. She glanced around the table at the smiling faces. The eight of them hadn’t changed all that much since their younger days, had they?

Sara Esch caught her eye. “What are you thinking that makes you smile so, Susannah?”

“Ach, she must be smiling because Toby Unger is back in town.” Silence fell after Sally Ann’s comment. She’d always had a gift for blurting out what other people might think but not say.

“No, I was remembering the day we snuck off and had our picture taken. Sally Ann, you were so nervous you dropped your share of the money three or four times.”

Sally Ann grinned, her good nature never letting her take offense when teased. “I was imagining the bunch of us getting hauled in front of the church to confess. I was sure my parents would have a fit if they found out.”

“It was pretty hard to keep them from finding out.” Rachel Mast commented, sensible as always. “After all, there was the photo.”

It had been a fad for a time among Amish teens to have a professional photo made of their group during rumspringa, before any of them joined the church. The practice was frowned on by the older folks but generally accepted as part of growing up.

“Ach, the boys did far worse than that during their rumspringa,” Becky said. “They were no doubt glad that was all the mischief we got up to.” She rose from the table and moved to the oak cabinet against the wall, opening a drawer. “And here it is. We were a pretty good-looking bunch, ain’t so?” She passed the picture around the table.

“I don’t think we’ve changed all that much,” Susannah said, accepting the picture. She glanced down at the smiling faces.

The photographer had taken the picture of the group in a park, arranging the eight of them in various positions on and around a weathered picnic table. She’d thought it odd at the time, and it was only later that she realized what an artist he had been.

The eight of them looked so much more natural than they would have lined up in a row. She studied their youthful faces. They’d all been eighteen then.

Her gaze was arrested by her own face gravely smiling back at her, and her heart gave an odd thud. She’d said they hadn’t changed much, but the face of the younger Susannah had had a sweetness and an innocence that she wouldn’t find if she looked in the mirror now. She’d been a girl then, looking forward to marriage, secure in Toby’s love. She handed the photo on to the next person, happy not to spend any more time staring at her younger self.

Rachel pushed her empty pie plate away, sighing. “The kinder seem happy to have two new students in the school. Although from what I hear from Simon, young William is a bit of a handful.”

“Just like his daadi was.” Sally Ann grinned. “Remember when he put a whoopie pie on the teacher’s chair and she sat on it?”

The resulting laughter had a slightly nervous edge, as if her friends weren’t sure how she’d react to mentions of her old love.

Well, she had to let them see that it didn’t bother her in the least. “Luckily for me, William hasn’t thought of that trick. I just hope nobody mentions it to him.”

“We won’t tell,” Becky said. “More snitz pie, anyone?” She held the knife poised over yet another dried-apple pie, but she didn’t get any takers.

“So I hear Toby is spending a lot of time at the schoolhouse.” Sally Ann’s blue eyes twinkled, but there was an edge to her voice. Clearly there had been talk.

Well, maybe she could use the Amish grapevine to her advantage. “Toby’s kinder are finding it difficult to adjust to losing their mother and then moving to a new place. I thought it would help them feel more comfortable if their daad was around for a week or so, and helping with the Christmas program seemed a perfect way of doing so.”

There was a general murmur of approval. Good. The reason for Toby’s presence would be passed along, and hopefully, other people would be equally understanding.

“And it gives the two of you time together, too, ain’t so?” Sally Ann was irrepressible. “Take advantage of it, and you might have Toby falling for you all over again.”

Susannah’s smile froze. Several women started up their chatter again, obviously thinking Sally Ann had gone too far this time.

It wasn’t malicious, Susannah knew, glancing at Sally Ann’s ruddy, cheerful face. But it hurt, anyway, and the way her stomach was twisting made her think she shouldn’t have had that last piece of dried-apple pie.

Which was worse—to have people thinking, like Keim, that she was acting improperly? Or to have them assume she was trying to snare Toby into marriage again?

Chapter Five

After a week of having Toby working at the schoolhouse every afternoon, Susannah had begun to feel that all her fretting had been foolish. Whatever the girls from her rumspringa gang thought, she hadn’t noticed that people were gossiping about her and Toby.

The previous day, during Sunday worship and the simple lunch served afterward, she’d been on alert for any hint of interest. But she hadn’t intercepted any knowing glances or been asked any awkward questions. Surely, if folks were gossiping, she’d have sensed something.

Susannah forced her attention back to her younger scholars, who were rehearsing their part in the program. Apart from an inability to hold up their battery-powered candles and recite their lines at the same time, they were improving. As was Mary Keim, who was directing them. To Susannah’s surprise, Mary had come through, once she was trusted with the responsibility for a task.

The kinder came to the end of their recitation, and Mary glanced anxiously at Susannah.

“Gut work, all of you.” There were grins and waving of candles at her words. “Now put your candles in the box on the desk. It’s almost time to go home.”

As the young ones hurried to obey, Susannah touched Mary’s shoulder. “You are doing very well with the young ones. I’m pleased with your work.”

Mary’s thin face flushed with pleasure. “Denke, Teacher Susannah.” She hesitated for a moment. “I...I just try to do what I think you would.”

The words touched her. “That’s how we learn, ain’t so? Keep this up and you can be a gut teacher, if that’s what you want.”

The girl looked away. “I’m not sure,” she muttered. Before Susannah could respond, Mary scurried away to help the younger ones with boots and jackets.

Now, what was that about? Perhaps Mary didn’t share her father’s intent for her, although despite her earlier doubts, Susannah felt that the girl had begun to show an aptitude for teaching.

When Mary opened the schoolhouse door, Susannah saw a light snow was falling. She had to smile at the children’s reactions. They walked sedately at first, double file, across the narrow porch and down the steps as they’d been taught. When they reached the ground, they erupted like young foals, prancing and running delightedly through the white flakes.

Mary pulled on her own jacket, looking as eager as the kinder. “I’ll go out and watch until they’re picked up.”

“Denke, Mary.” Susannah closed the door after the girl, shutting out the chill December air, and then had to open it again as Anna came scurrying from the cloakroom with the twins, always the last to get their coats on.

“We’re going to make a snowman,” Anna announced. “Will you come and look at it when we’re done, Teacher Susannah?”

“I surely will,” she said, doubting that they’d have time to finish before Becky came to collect her daughters.

She closed the door again and realized that Toby was watching her, a tentative smile on his lips.

“Anna is doing better, ain’t so?” He seemed to want reassurance, as any worried father would.

“Much better.” Susannah touched the last of the tall candles he’d been constructing with the older boys. A coat of paint and they’d be ready. “She put her hand in the air this morning when I asked for volunteers to read aloud. That’s real progress from the first few days, when I couldn’t get her to say anything.”

Toby’s expression eased. “You’ve been wonderful gut with her, Susannah. Denke.”

“It’s my job.” Yet she couldn’t help sharing his pleasure. “As for William...”

Toby’s eyes darkened. “What has he done now?”

“Nothing so bad.” She hastened to assure him. “A few scuffles on the playground, that’s all.”

“I was afraid of that.” Toby’s shoulders hunched, and for a moment, he looked like an older version of his son. “I was hoping you’d be able to get through to him. I’m certain sure not doing it.”

The bitterness in his voice shook her. “I’m sorry, Toby. You and he seemed to be talking while you were working together. I prayed things were better.”

Toby shrugged, running his hand down the plywood candle. “Sometimes we start talking like we used to. But then it’s as if William puts a wall up between us.” His jaw tightened. “He’s my own son, and I can’t reach him.”

Susannah longed to deny it, but she’d seen it for herself. William was holding his father at arm’s length, and she didn’t have a guess as to why. Pity stirred in her heart.

“When did things change between you and William?” The question might seem prying, but if Toby wanted her help, she had to ask it, even if it touched on the subject of his wife.

Toby frowned. “It’s related to Emma’s death. It must be. He’s older, so he understood a little better what was happening.”

Her heart twisted. “Ach, Toby, you couldn’t protect him from the pain of his mother’s dying, no matter how much you wanted to.” Any more than he could control his own grief at the loss of his wife.

An unexpected rush of resentment washed over her, and Susannah was horrified. Toby had jilted her and married another woman, and now he expected her to help him deal with the aftermath of her death. She shouldn’t let the resentment have sway—it was unkind and unchristian.

Toby swung away from her with an abrupt movement. “Sorry.” His voice roughened with emotion. “I shouldn’t be talking about Emma, not to you, of all people.”

Shame engulfed Susannah. How could she think of herself in the face of his grief and that of his children?

A prayer formed in her thoughts. Father God, forgive me. Give me a heart clean of pain and jealousy so that I can help them.

She drew in a long, steadying breath. Then she reached out to touch his arm. “Toby, don’t think that. You can talk to me. No matter what else happened between us, we have been friends from the cradle. You can tell me anything.” Her fingers tightened on his arm. “Anything.”

For a long moment she thought he wouldn’t respond. Then his gaze met hers, and she felt as if his expression eased just a little. “Ach, how many mistakes I’ve made in my life. Mistakes other people had to pay for.” He shook his head, as if trying to shake off the pain. “William... I’m afraid that somehow William felt I didn’t love his mammi the way I should.”

Susannah tried to absorb the impact of his words. That was the last thing she’d expected to hear. Hadn’t Emma been the love he’d been looking for when he’d left Pine Creek?

“I don’t understand.” She took a breath, knowing she needed to hear the truth. “Is William right?”

Toby’s jaw tightened. “You thought I left because of you, ain’t so?”

She could only nod, bewildered.

For a long moment, Toby was silent. Then he spoke. “I should have told you this years ago. You deserved to hear the truth from me, and instead I ran away.” He grasped the plywood candle so hard that his knuckles whitened. “I panicked, that’s the truth of it. The closer our wedding came, the more it seemed to me that I was missing out on something.” He frowned down at his hands. “I don’t even know what I expected to find. I longed to experience something more than Pine Creek—to see other places, meet other people.”

She felt the sudden urge to shake him. “Toby, you could have told me. Don’t you know I would have understood? I would have given you whatever time you needed.”

His lips twisted. “I could always be honest with you, Susannah. I know. I didn’t want to face it. I was ashamed to tell you—to see the hurt in your face.”

He sounded almost angry. At himself? At her? She wasn’t sure, and she’d always thought she could read his every mood. He’d been feeling all these emotions, and she’d never even had a hint of it at the time. Had she been too busy filling her dower chest and giggling with her girlfriends at the time?

She tried to zero in on what was important now. “We were young, maybe too young. We both made mistakes. The kinder are what’s important now.”

He nodded, seeming to look past her at something she couldn’t see. “At first all I could think after I went West was how different everything was. There were all these people, and I hadn’t known them from the day I was born. Everyone was a mystery to me. Including Emma.”

“You loved her.” Susannah willed her voice to be steady.

“I fell in love.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “That’s how it felt. I had grown into love with you, but with Emma it was more like falling from the barn roof and landing with a thud. So we got married, and then I realized that we hardly knew each other at all.”

“You were married.” That was the important thing. The Amish married for life, not like the English world, where people seemed to change mates as often as they changed clothes.

“We tried. I think Emma was happy. But then she got sick. It should have brought us closer together, but it didn’t.”

She knew, without his putting it into words, what he felt. Guilt. He accused himself of not loving Emma enough, and her dying made his guilt all the heavier.

“Toby—”

He cut her off with a sharp movement of his hand. “William was devoted to his mammi. Nothing has been right between us since she died.”

“I’m sorry, Toby.” Focus on the child, she ordered herself. “Have you talked to William about his mother?”

“I’ve tried.” Anger flashed in his face, and she suspected he was glad to feel it after opening his soul to her. “I’ve tried so many times. But William won’t talk about it. He’s slipping away, and I can’t seem to hold on to him.”

She couldn’t be angry with him when she knew the depth of his pain. “I understand. We’ll keep trying, ain’t so? It will get better.” The words sounded as hollow to her as they must to him.

“Ach, Susannah, you sound as if I’m one of the kinder, coming to you with a scraped knee.” His tone was harsh. “This is big and real, and you tell me it will get better.”

Her own anger spurted up. “What else can I say, Toby? You have to have hope. There’s no magic answer. Just keep loving William, that’s all.”

He swung toward her, grasping her wrists. “You...” Whatever he was going to say seemed to get lost as his eyes met hers. She could feel her pulse pounding against his palms.

“Susannah,” his voice deepened. “I’m such a fool, spilling all this to you. You ought to tell me to go away and solve my own problems.”

“I couldn’t do that.” She tried to smile but failed.

“No.” Everything changed in an instant. His gaze was so intense it seemed to heat her skin, and the very air around them was heavy with emotion. “You couldn’t.” He focused on her lips, and her breath caught in her throat.

She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. She could only wait for his lips to find hers.

His kiss was tentative at first. Gentle, then growing more intense as her lips softened under his. His hands slid up her arms, and he drew her closer. She was sinking into him, unable to feel anything but his strong arms, his warm lips—

Then the schoolroom door flew open, letting in a blast of cold air. Toby let go of her so abruptly she nearly staggered. She turned toward the door.

Mary stood there, her face scarlet. Her mouth worked, but no words came out. She took a backward step and pulled the door shut with a bang.

Susannah could only stand there, aghast. Of all the things that could happen...

“I’ve done it again.” Toby’s mouth twisted as if the words had a bitter taste. “I’ve messed up your life again, haven’t I?”

“Don’t,” she said quickly. “It’s no more your fault than mine. I’ll talk to Mary. I’ll explain.”

But how exactly was she going to explain being caught in an embrace in her own schoolroom? She was afraid she’d just handed James Keim all the ammunition he’d need to get rid of her.

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