Copyright

Harper

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First published as ‘Kathy’ in Great Britain by Severn House Large Print 2003

Copyright © Linda Sole

Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2017

Cover photographs © Richard Jenkins (girl); Shutterstock.com (background).

Linda Sole asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008168612

Ebook Edition © January 2017 ISBN: 9780008168629

Version: 2016-12-08

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Keep Reading …

About the Author

Also by Cathy Sharp

About the Publisher

One

‘How is your grandmother today, Kathy?’ Bridget Robin son called to me as I was leaving the shop at the corner of Farthing Lane and had paused to greet her. ‘I heard she wasn’t well.’

‘She seems better again now. The doctor thinks it was just a chill, but he says she should take things easier.’

‘Well, I’m glad she’s getting over it, whatever it was. I’ll pop in and see her later if I can manage it.’

‘She would enjoy that …’ I hesitated, then went on in a rush: ‘Gran often talks about you, Bridget. She says things would have been different if Da had married you.’

Bridget gave me an understanding smile and I knew she must have heard the latest tale about my father, but she wouldn’t embarrass me by mentioning it. Bridget’s husband Joe was a rich man these days and owned most of the property in the lane, including the small general store we all used at the corner. Some people were a bit jealous of his success, but most agreed that he was generous in his support of local people, and everyone liked Bridget.

‘She’s just the same as she always was,’ Gran had told me more than once. ‘Ernie Cole was a fool, that’s what I say. He had his chance with her and threw it away – that’s your father all over. Never knows what’s good for him. I warned him when he married that woman – but he wouldn’t listen to me and look what it got him! He’s never been the same since.’

Why did Gran dislike my mother so much? What had she done that caused both Gran and my father to scowl if I mentioned her name?

I often wondered why my mother had run away soon after I was born, but when I asked questions about her Gran shook her head.

‘Best you don’t know child. It wasn’t your fault – and you’ve been a blessin’ to me.’

Jean Cole had been as good as a mother to me, loving me and making sure that I never went without anything if she could help it, though I suspected she sometimes had help with money from a source she wouldn’t reveal.

A Londoner through and through, she had lived in the same house since marrying at the age of seventeen, moving only three houses when she left her home to start her married life. Our lane was just across from the St Katherine’s Docks, which were now a part of the larger London Docks, but when they were first built almost a whole parish, including the old hospital of St. Katherine’s, had been pulled down to make way for them.

‘Well, I must get on,’ Bridget said, her voice breaking into my thoughts. ‘Our Tom is coming for a meal this evening. He’s a doctor with the Army, you know, but they didn’t send him to France with the troops because of that bit of bother he had when he was a lad. Not that it troubles him now. In fact, he thinks he may never have had consumption at all, just an infection of the lungs. He knows all about that sort of thing now, our Tom – and he says the doctors made a lot of mistakes in the early days.’

‘You’ll be glad to see your brother, I expect.’

‘Yes, I shall. Tom is busy so we don’t see him as often as we’d like – but at least he keeps in touch. I haven’t heard from Jamie for ages. He was in America the last time he wrote and doing well, but that was years ago …’

She frowned, her eyes full of shadows as if she were remembering an old sadness. I knew there was some story about Jamie O’Rourke having gone away after his girl was killed in a fire on the eve of their wedding, but I didn’t know the details.

‘Give my best wishes to your grandmother, Kathy love – and if you need anythin’ you know where to come.’

‘Thanks, Bridget,’ I said. ‘I’ll tell Gran you asked after her.’

She smiled, nodded and moved on, seeming to have something on her mind. I thought it might be to do with her elder brother Jamie and wondered if Gran would tell me the whole story if I asked.

I was reflective as I walked on. If my father had married Bridget I would be her daughter and Amy Robinson would have been my younger sister – or perhaps I wouldn’t have been around at all. A sigh escaped me as I thought that I would have liked Bridget as a mother, but it was hard to believe that my father had ever wanted to marry her. He always seemed to dislike her, though it was her husband he really hated.

‘You stay away from that Bridget O’Rourke and her ’usband,’ he’d said to me time and again when I was a child after Bridget had given me a treat of some kind, as she often did. ‘That bleedin’ Joe Robinson is too clever for ’is own good!’

It was odd that he should call Bridget by her maiden name, but then my father was a law unto himself. He hadn’t been so bad when I was a small child. I could remember him taking me up on his shoulders to carry me down the lane when he was in a good mood, and there had been occasional visits to the fair and one never-to-be forgotten trip on the train to Southend as a treat for my tenth birthday. There had always been enough money in the house for food and rent then; it was only since Da’s accident that he’d turned sullen and taken to the drink.

He’d been a driver for Mr Dawson at the brewery, and proud of the wagons he drove with their magnificent horses and shining harness, but he wasn’t capable of loading or unloading the drays now. Mr Dawson had kept him on in the brewery, because with the onset of the war he had been short of men, but of late he had been given only the more menial of jobs to do and was forever complaining about his employer.

‘You mustn’t mind your da, Kathy love,’ Gran had told me when he came home full of the drink, swearing and yelling the house down. ‘He’s in pain from his leg – and he’s a disappointed man. He’s not had a fair deal from life, your da.’

‘What do you mean, Gran?’ I’d asked but she only shook her head as she always did when I asked questions about things she didn’t want to tell me. Her silence only made me more curious.

What had happened to my father to make him so bitter? Was it just that my mother had gone off and left him when I was a baby? Yet it was Gran who had had all the trouble of bringing me up, and she wasn’t bitter.

‘Wait up, Kathy Cole! I want a word with yer …’

I turned as I heard the sound of running feet behind me and hesitated, recognizing at once the man who had called out to me. It was Billy Ryan, Maggie Ryan’s youngest son. He was twenty-six going on seven and I was seventeen, but he’d been after me since I’d left school and started work at the glove factory. Billy had worked there too as a foreman for a while, but he’d joined up as soon as war was declared, one of the first to do so in our street. Before he went away he’d told me to wait for him, because he was going to marry me one day.

‘Oh, so you’re back,’ I said, not smiling at him. I wasn’t at all sure how I felt about Billy Ryan. He had always been a cocky lad and people whispered that he’d been in a bit of trouble a couple of times and was lucky he hadn’t been up in front of the magistrates. ‘Did the Army throw you out then?’

‘You haven’t changed,’ Billy replied and grinned at me. ‘Glad to see me then are yer, Kathy girl?’

‘I’m indifferent either way,’ I said with a shrug of my shoulders and he gave a hoot of laughter.

‘Swallowed a dictionary this mornin’, did yer?’ Billy’s parents were Irish, and still spoke with a soft Irish accent but Billy had lived in London all his life and sounded like a cockney. He wasn’t in the least put out by my manner and despite myself I warmed to him. He had a nice smile and he wasn’t bad looking, his hair dark and wavy and his eyes a melting chocolate brown. He had smartened up and I supposed the Army had done that for him; his boots were polished so fine you could see your face in them. ‘Fancy going to the Pally this evenin’ then?’

I stared at him in silence for a moment or two. My father wouldn’t be pleased if I went out with Billy, but then he didn’t like any of the people in Farthing Lane these days. Gran would encourage me to go. She said I didn’t get out with other young people often enough.

‘I like dancin’,’ I said at last. ‘But I’m not sure I should go with you, Billy Ryan. You might try to take advantage.’

‘God’s honest truth I’d never do that to yer, Kathy,’ Billy said and he sounded sincere. ‘It ain’t just ’cos you’re the prettiest girl in the lanes with that lovely hair o’ yourn and them big eyes. You’re the girl I’m goin’ ter marry one day, and I respect yer. I swear on me ’onour that I won’t put a finger out of place. I won’t even kiss yer unless you agree, lass. Cross me ’eart and ’ope ter die.’

I wasn’t surprised by his answer. Billy had told everyone for years that he was going to marry me one day. It had been a joke amongst my school friends, but looking at him now I almost believed him.

‘I’ll come then,’ I said making up my mind. ‘I’ll meet you outside the brewery at seven.’

‘I was goin’ ter call fer yer proper, Kathy. We might as well start out right.’

‘Me da might not like me going with you,’ I said doubtfully. ‘But perhaps you’re right. Call for me at seven then – that will please Gran anyway. She says no one shows her any respect these days.’

‘I’ve got every respect for Mrs Cole,’ Billy said. ‘She’s been good to you, lass – just the way I shall be when we’re wed.’

‘And who said I was goin’ to marry you? Sayin’ I’ll come to the Pally with you doesn’t mean I’ll marry you, Billy Ryan.’

He grinned at me cheekily. ‘First things first, Kathy. Yer don’t know me yet, but you’ll soon change your mind when yer see how generous I can be. I’ll be there at seven so don’t keep me waitin’!’

I glared at him, almost sorry that I had agreed to go out with him that evening. Just who did he think he was? I nearly told him to forget it but something held me back. I was seventeen and I hadn’t had a regular boyfriend yet. I’d been dancing at the Pally with other girls and their brothers, and a few of my dance partners had made a pass at me. I hadn’t let any of them kiss me. It annoyed me because one or two of them had seemed to imagine that I would be easy and I didn’t see why. I wasn’t a flirt and I had never been out with a man on my own.

Once I’d heard some boys whispering about my mother and laughing in a nasty way, and it had made me wonder. Why should people laugh about Grace Cole in that way – and why did the men sometimes look at me oddly? I wasn’t a tart and I had never given anyone cause to think it.

It was a mystery, and it would never be solved until I could get some answers about my mother – but no one would tell me anything.

I made up my mind to ask Gran about it again when I got home. Surely I had a right to know the whole story?

‘Well, I suppose you are old enough to know the truth,’ Gran said when I took a cup of tea up to her in bed and told her what was on my mind and why. ‘It might be best if you know – especially if you’re goin’ ter start courtin’.’

She had her pink bed shawl about her shoulders, and the patchwork quilt she had made with her own hands as a young woman was pulled up tight about her. Even on a warm day the old house seemed cold and draughty, and in winter we often needed a fire in the bedrooms.

‘I’m only goin’ dancin’ with him, Gran.’

‘Yes – but these things lead to somethin’ more in time,’ Gran said. She was looking tired and I knew her illness had dragged her down, but at least she was beginning to improve. ‘Grace was no better than she ought ter be, Kathy. Yer da wasn’t the first with her by a long way …’ She hesitated as though she wanted to say more and then shook her head. ‘And she went off and left yer as a baby – that’s reason enough fer me to dislike her. Some folks might think you will likely turn out the same way. They don’t know yer the way I do, love.’

‘Is that why …?’ My cheeks were bright with fire as I looked at her. ‘Does Billy Ryan think I’m that way, too? Is that why he wants to take me dancin’?’

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Gran replied. ‘Billy is a bit of a cheeky devil, and he doesn’t always know which is the right side of the law – but he is fond of you, Kathy. Even when you were fifteen he was always ’ere tryin’ ter get yer ter to go out with ’im. If I thought he wouldn’t treat yer right I wouldn’t let yer go.’

‘Do you mind if I go, Gran? Can you manage without me?’

‘Of course I can, Kathy. I’ll be fine tucked up in me bed. Leave yer da a cold supper on the table – though God knows what time ’e’ll get ’ome. Just be sure that Billy brings you ’ome by half past ten – and if he does try anythin’, give him a slap round his ear.’

‘He promised he wouldn’t,’ I said and bent to kiss her cheek, which felt papery soft and dry. The sheets were clean on that day and smelled of soap, as she did herself after I’d helped her to wash. ‘He says he respects me too much.’

‘Then I’m sure ‘e means it,’ Gran said and smiled lovingly as she reached up to touch my cheek. ‘You’re a good girl, Kathy, and bright. You did well at school and you speak better than most round ‘ere – better than yer da or me. I should like ter see yer make somethin’ of yerself. Don’t get into trouble and rush in ter marriage, love. Look at Bridget Robinson. Her mother was a drunken slut, but Bridget was smart – like you. They say she does all Joe’s bookwork fer ’im, and she’s got a couple of market stalls ’erself. Likes sellin’ flowers, Bridget does. I should like yer to settle with a good man like Joe Robinson – so you just be careful. Billy Ryan is all right, but make sure ’e’s what you really want afore yer settle on ’im.’

‘I’m not thinkin’ of marryin’ yet, Gran,’ I said and laughed as I flicked back my hair, which was a dark honey blonde and set off eyes Gran always said were green like a cat’s. ‘I’m too young to train as a nurse yet, but that’s what I’d like to do. I keep thinkin’ about all those young men getting hurt so bad over there …’ I sighed. ‘When is it all going to end, Gran? I think it’s terrible that all our boys end up gettin’ killed in the trenches.’

‘We all feel the same, Kathy,’ Gran said. ‘It’s a wicked shame that it happened at all, that’s what I think – decent folk shooting at each other. Bridget’s eldest son is out there fighting, and she told me that he wrote to her about the first Christmas of the war, when the German soldiers and the British played football together in no-man’s-land between the trenches. She said her Jonathan thought the Germans were just like us then; they didn’t want to fight and kill people. It’s all the fault of them what started it – the Kaiser and politicians.’

‘Well, I don’t suppose we shall solve anythin’ by talkin’,’ I said. ‘But if the war isn’t over when I’m eighteen I shall join the Voluntary Aid Detachment as a nurse.’

‘That’s what I like to hear,’ Gran said approvingly. ‘My girl has a bit of ambition – not like her father. You stick to your guns, my girl, and don’t you let anyone talk yer out of it.’

We had been at the Pally for a couple of hours, and the dance floor was crowded with young men and women. Most of the men were in uniform, and the girls were all wearing pretty dresses. I knew some of them from school, and several of them were working in the munitions factory or voluntary organizations. We had been dancing most of the time and I was enjoying myself as Billy was fun to be with. However, I was very much aware of the war and that I had done nothing to help except knit a few socks and roll some bandages. So when Billy went off to fetch us another drink I spoke to a girl called Valerie Green about being a nurse.

‘It’s hard work, Kathy,’ she told me. ‘I’ve just come back from three months in France and the conditions were awful. The men are crawling with lice when they come in after weeks in the trenches, and there’s never enough of anything to go round. I asked to be transferred back home.’

‘But you like being a nurse, don’t you?’

‘It’s all right I suppose …’

I would have asked her more questions about nursing but Billy came back with our drinks and she walked off.

‘Port and lemon you said, Kathy?’

‘Yes please.’ I took a sip. ‘Oh, that’s lovely. Not too strong.’

Billy grinned. ‘I didn’t think you were a hardened drinker so I told them to put plenty of lemonade in.’ He took a swig of his beer. ‘Are yer enjoyin’ yerself then, Kathy?’

‘Yes, thanks.’ I finished my drink and put the glass down. ‘I’m goin’ to the cloakroom. It’s nearly ten o’clock, Billy. We’ll have time for one more dance before we go, won’t we?’

‘Just about. Mustn’t be late back though or your gran won’t trust me to take you out again.’

I smiled as I moved away from him, knowing that the gift of chocolates he’d brought for Gran when he called to pick me up earlier had gone a long way to winning her over. He had also brought a little posy of flowers for me.

‘Now that’s a lad who knows how to come courtin’,’ Gran had whispered to me as I’d kissed her goodbye.

I was beginning to think Billy was a decent lad and that I quite liked him. He’d given me a good night out and I was feeling relaxed and happy as I made my way back to him after visiting the cloakroom. It was then that someone grabbed my arm roughly, making me swing round to look at him in alarm.

‘What are you doing?’

My heart had begun to thud wildly. I didn’t know this man to speak to, though I’d noticed him standing with the crowd of rowdies at the bar on a couple of occasions. He was one of the lads who seemed to come to the Pally just to drink and stare at the girls.

‘’Ave a drink wiv me, luv?’

‘No, thank you. I’m with someone.’

‘That bleedin’ Billy Ryan. He ain’t no good to yer, Kathy. You come outside wiv me and I’ll show yer wot’s wot.’

His expression made me feel sick deep down inside, and I tried to pull away but his grip tightened on my arm, his fingers digging painfully into my flesh. People were looking at us, some of them frowning, others grinning as if it were amusing.

‘Let me go please. I don’t want to come with you – you are very rude.’

‘Rude, am I? Hoity-toighty bitch! Yer no better than yer ma was and she were anybody’s.’

‘You shut your dirty mouth!’

I pulled sharply away from him and after a tussle he let go of my arm, but then as I tried to move away he caught me about the waist. His intentions were obvious but I was determined that this brute should not maul or kiss me. I gave him a kick on the shins and he swore, raising his right arm to hit me. A cry of alarm escaped me but before I could do anything I felt someone pull me roughly away from his hold and Billy was there.

‘You take your filthy paws off my girl!’ he said and the look on his face was so savage that I was startled. He looked capable of anything at that moment. ‘I’ll teach you some manners, Sam Cotton.’

‘You and whose bleedin’ army?’

‘I don’t need no ’elp,’ Billy said and launched himself at my assailant in a fury.

In another moment they were at it full pelt, punching and jostling. Billy seemed as if he wanted to murder the other man, and I drew back in horror as girls started screaming and the men formed a sort of semicircle around them, yelling encouragement.

‘Give it to ’im, Billy. Kill the bugger!’

‘Hit him, Sam. Give the bastard one for me.’

‘Billy, don’t!’ I cried, feeling horrified as I watched them slugging it out. It was quickly clear that Billy had the advantage and as his fists slammed into Sam Cotton’s chin he went down. The next second Billy was sitting astride him, hitting him in the face over and over again. ‘That’s enough … please. Stop it, Billy. You will kill him.’

It was so awful. Everyone was aware of what was going on, and I felt terribly embarrassed, as if it was all somehow my fault.

‘I thought you were taking a risk coming with him,’ a voice said at my elbow. ‘Billy Ryan has a bit of a reputation …’

‘What do you mean?’ I glanced at Valerie Green. ‘Billy’s all right.’

‘He used to hang around with a rough crowd.’ She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It’s nothing to do with me, but you wouldn’t catch me going around with him.’

She walked away without giving me a chance to answer, but my attention was abruptly transferred back to the fight, which had ended as swiftly as it had begun. The owner of the dance hall had sent in his bouncers and they hauled Billy off his vanquished victim, dragging him to the door to eject him despite his protests that Sam Cotton had started the fight.

‘Come on, Kathy,’ he yelled over his shoulder. ‘We’re leaving.’

I followed hurriedly behind him, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment as I heard laughter and jeering. Now that the fight was over people were relieved and amused, but I felt hot with shame.

Billy was wiping blood from his mouth when I joined him outside the hall. He looked at me uncertainly, sensing my mood. ‘I couldn’t let him insult yer like that, Kathy.’

‘You didn’t have to start a fight. You could have simply told him to leave me alone.’

‘Swine like that needs teachin’ a lesson. I’m ’andy with me fists. That will learn ’im and a few others not to mess with my girl.’

There was a look of satisfaction in his eyes that made me angry. ‘You think you’re clever, don’t you, Billy Ryan? Well, I don’t. I hate being made a show of and that’s what you’ve done. Everyone will laugh behind my back.’

‘Yer don’t want ter worry about what folks say. ‘Sides, I weren’t ’avin’ that bleedin’ Sam Cotton bad mouthin’ my girl.’

‘I’m not your girl!’ I glared at him. ‘You don’t imagine I’d go out with you again after that?’

I started to walk away from him. I was smarting because of the insulting way Sam Cotton had behaved towards me, and also Valerie Green’s remarks about Billy. She was a year or so older and I’d known and liked her at school; it pricked my pride to know she thought me a fool for going out with him, especially as I had a sneaking suspicion she might be right.

Billy followed behind me. ‘Don’t be like this, Kathy. I’m sorry the evening was spoiled, but it wasn’t my fault. Sam Cotton is a docker. He couldn’t join up because they said he was needed on the docks – and some of us called him a coward. He hates anyone in uniform, especially me. That’s why he went after yer like that.’

‘He implied my mother was …’ I choked back a sob.

‘Don’t matter what she were,’ Billy said swiftly. ‘You ain’t like ’er, Kathy, and any man with sense knows that. Don’t be mad at me. I only did it fer you.’

I stopped walking and looked at him. ‘Was she a tart – my mother? Tell me the truth, Billy. I really need to know.’

‘I remember talk when she married your da …’ Billy frowned. ‘I were only a lad and me best mate were ill. Tom O’Rourke went away about that time and I were angry at the world because I thought he were goin’ ter die. I didn’t take much notice of anythin’ else, but I know me ma thought Ernie Cole was a fool to marry ’er. Sorry, lass. I can’t tell yer much more. Ma knows it all but whether she’d tell yer …’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I shouldn’t let it worry yer, Kathy. No one who knows yer thinks you’re like that.’

I looked at him unhappily. It wasn’t Billy’s fault that the unpleasant incident with Sam Cotton had happened. He had defended me and I supposed I ought to be grateful.

‘You shouldn’t have kept on hitting him like that, Billy. I thought you were going to kill him.’

‘I might ’ave if they ’adn’t dragged me off ’im,’ he admitted. The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t quite so proud of himself now. ‘He made me see red, Kathy. No one treats you like that when I’m around.’ He reached out and stroked my cheek with the tips of his fingers. ‘You’re special to me. Don’t you ever forget that.’

‘Oh, Billy …’ I was moved by something in his voice and manner and didn’t resist as he bent his head and gently kissed me. It was just a brief touch of his lips against mine but it made me feel odd. ‘Please don’t, Billy. Not yet. I’m not angry with you now, but I don’t know how I feel. I’m not ready to think about—’

He placed a finger to my lips. ‘’Yer don’t ’ave to say anythin’, Kathy love. I don’t want ter rush yer. It wouldn’t be fair to marry yer while this bleedin’ war’s goin’ on. Yer don’t want ter be a widow before you’re a wife.’

‘Billy!’ I went cold all over. ‘Don’t say that. Nothing is going to happen to you.’

‘Not if I can bleedin’ ’elp it!’ He grinned at me. ‘I’ve got too much ter come ’ome for. You are goin’ ter wait fer me, ain’t yer, Kathy?’

‘Don’t swear so much,’ I reproved with a little smile. ‘Da swears somethin’ terrible when he’s drunk and Gran hates it.’

‘I’ll try to remember,’ he said. ‘You will be my girl, Kathy – please?’

‘I’m not giving you my word yet, Billy. But if you promise not to get into any more fights I might go out with you again.’

‘We’ll go to the pictures tomorrow if yer like. There’s one of them Mack Sennett films on – the Keystone Kops, I think. Or we could go to a music hall if you’d rather. I’ve only got three days’ leave, Kathy, so we might as well make the most of it.’

‘Yes, all right,’ I agreed. ‘But remember, I’m not promising anythin’ yet.’

I thought about Billy when I was lying in bed that night. In the past I’d heard rumours about him getting into bad company, and I’d been very upset by the fight at the dance hall, but maybe he’d had to let off steam. All our men were under terrible strain out there, and Billy was no different from anyone else. I liked his smile and easy manner, and as I finally fell asleep I realized that I was looking forward to meeting him the next day.

I saw Billy twice more before he went back to his unit. We visited a music hall and saw Gertrude Lawrence and Jack Buchanan, joining in as the audience sang along with songs that had become so popular since the beginning of the war. On his last afternoon we went for a walk by the river and then had a drink in the pub.

It was a pleasant day despite the cool breeze and a lot of people were out walking about, making the most of the fine weather. The Sally Army was playing hymns outside the pub, and a group of children were marching after them banging on drums made out of old biscuit tins.

Billy looked at me anxiously as we lingered over our drinks. ‘You won’t go and marry anyone else, will yer?’

‘I’m not planning on it, Billy. I want to be a nurse when I can – to do something to help. I think of the war and about what’s happening out there all the time. All those lads getting killed and hurt.’

I had been reading the news about German submarines sinking ships, and the tremendous numbers of casualties at the Front, and it made me feel guilty for being safe at home when so many others were being killed.

Billy nodded, a serious expression on his face. ‘It’s bad, lass, real bad. We don’t talk about it much when we’re home on leave, but it’s a nightmare for the men. I’ve visited mates in the field hospitals out there, and those nurses are angels. I’d be proud for my girl to be one of them, so if that’s what you want to do I shan’t stand in yer way.’

Hearing the emotion in his voice I felt closer to him than ever before.

‘When will it be over, Billy? It’s more than three years since it started. Surely it can’t drag on much longer – can it?’

‘I wish I knew. Most of us who were out there at the start are sick of it – them what are left, that is. I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve only ’ad a couple of scratches but I’ve seen some of me mates catch it. Us veterans ’ave to look out fer the young uns. Most of the new recruits they’re sendin’ us now are still wet behind the ears.’

‘It must be awful.’ I looked at him with sympathy, realizing for perhaps the first time how bad it must really be for the men in the trenches, seeing their friends get hurt. ‘You will take care, Billy? I shouldn’t like anythin’ to happen to you.’

‘I’m an old ’and at it now,’ he said and grinned. ‘It’s a matter of keeping your head down. Run away to fight another day and don’t be a hero – that’s what I say.’

‘Oh, Billy …’ I laughed. ‘I can’t see you runnin’ away from a fight.’

‘You’re never goin’ ter let me forget the other night are yer?’

‘Is your lip still sore?’ I asked and shook my head at him. Now that I’d had time to think about things I felt more pleased than angry that Billy had stuck up for me. I didn’t approve of fighting, of course, but it was nice that he’d cared so much.

‘Nah. It were just a little cut. I could kiss yer – if yer like?’

‘We’ll see. I think you’d better walk me home now or you’ll be late for your train – and Da will be back for his tea soon.’

So far my luck had held and my father hadn’t questioned me about my going out with Billy Ryan. I wasn’t sure that he knew. Even if he’d noticed I wasn’t around, he’d probably just assumed I was out with friends.

Billy finished his drink and stood, holding out his hand to me. I took it and we left the pub together, strolling through the lanes, which looked brighter than usual in the warm sunshine. In the distance we could hear the rattle of the trams and a hooter from one of the ships blasting off somewhere on the river. I’d heard that morning that an American ship had made its way here safely, bringing much-needed supplies to a country that was gradually running short of almost everything.

When we reached my doorstep, Billy lingered uncertainly. He was reluctant to leave and I knew he was waiting for the kiss I’d half promised him.

‘Oh, go on then,’ I said and moved towards him. ‘You can kiss me if you like.’

Billy smiled, reached out and drew me close to him. His kiss this time was much deeper and lasted longer than the first. I felt him shudder as he at last released me and I was trembling too. I gazed up at him wondering what emotion had made me feel so shivery inside.

‘You felt somethin’ too, didn’t yer, lass?’ Billy asked, looking down into my eyes. ‘I love yer, Kathy. I ’ave fer years. Wait fer me because I don’t think I could bear it out there if I thought yer were kissin’ another bloke.’ His tone and expression were so sincere that I was moved.

‘I like you a lot, Billy,’ I whispered feeling breathless. ‘I can’t promise that I’ll marry you, but I’ll think about you – and I don’t often go out with blokes. You’re the first I’ve let kiss me.’

‘Will yer write to me, Kathy? Ma will tell yer where if yer ask.’

‘I might now and then,’ I said. ‘Take care of yourself, Billy. We’ll see how we feel next time you come home.’

‘Fair enough,’ he said and that cocky grin spread across his face. ‘You’re my girl, Kathy Cole – whether you know it or not – and I’ll be claiming you when I get back.’

I smiled, but didn’t answer him, and I lingered on the doorstep to watch as he strolled down the lane. Billy’s kiss had certainly shaken me, but I still wasn’t ready to give him an answer.

I waved as Billy turned to look at me from the corner of the lane, and then I went into the house. I was smiling to myself, about to go upstairs when a yell of rage startled me and my father shot out of the kitchen and grabbed my arm.

‘You sly slut!’ he growled at me, his fingers digging deep into the flesh of my upper arm. ‘So that’s what you’ve been up ter behind me back!’

‘Leave off, Da, you’re hurtin’ me,’ I cried and pulled back from him. ‘What’s the matter with you? I’ve only been out for a drink with a friend.’

‘You’ve been out three times with that bleedin’ Billy Ryan,’ he muttered, his face puce with temper. ‘And don’t lie to me, girl, because you were seen by one of me mates.’

‘Billy is all right,’ I said rubbing at my arm where he’d hurt me. ‘We went out a few times because he was on leave – but we didn’t do anythin’ wrong. Billy respects me. He wants to marry me.’

‘I ’eard about the fight down the Pally,’ Da shouted, his face working furiously. ‘Makin’ a show of ’imself and you with ’im. No daughter of mine is goin’ around with a bloke like that.’

‘Billy was defending my honour,’ I said. ‘Someone tried to maul me and called me names – said I was like my mother.’ I looked at him defiantly. ‘Besides, you’re always getting into a brawl when you’ve been drinking. They threw you out of the Feathers last week and told you not to go back.’

Da raised his hand and struck me a heavy blow across the face, catching my lip. I gave a cry and jerked back as I tasted blood, gazing at him in horror. He had given me a clip of the ear in passing a few times when I was a child, but he’d never hit me like that before.

‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ I said. ‘You had no right to hit me like that.’ I felt like crying but I was determined not to let him see me weep.

‘That will teach you to cheek me,’ he muttered a sullen look in his eyes. ‘Your mother was a cheat and a whore – and I’ll kill yer afore I let you go the same way. You mind what I say, Kathy. See that Billy Ryan again and you’ll be sorry.’

He pushed past me and went out of the front door, slamming it behind him. For a moment I stood staring after him feeling shocked and numb. His rages and tempers had never really frightened me before, but now I wasn’t sure what he might do next.

Two

I tossed restlessly through most of that night, sleeping hardly at all. My face hurt where my father had hit me, but it was my pride and my sense of justice that had been hurt the most. I knew I had to change things, because I wasn’t going to let myself be beaten and used like so many of the women I knew. By the morning I had made up my mind.

‘It’s a bit desperate, Kathy,’ Gran said as I finished telling her my thoughts after breakfast. She was sitting by the fire, warming her hands round a mug of scalding hot tea, her expression anxious. ‘Ernie will come round in time. There’s no need for yer to go rushing off like this because of a quarrel. Besides, didn’t yer tell me yer had to be eighteen to enrol in the VADs? You’re not old enough until your next birthday – and that’s months away.’

‘He hit me, Gran.’ My face bore a purple bruise to prove it and I’d lain awake all night thinking about what my life would be like if I continued to go on as before. ‘If I stay here he might do it again. I’ve seen women in the lanes that get beaten regularly on a Saturday night, and I’m never going to let a man do that to me. I look old enough to pass for eighteen, you know I do – and if they want proof I’ll tell them we’ve lost my certificate. Lots of people I know would have difficulty proving their exact age.’

Gran acknowledged the truth of my words. In an area like ours some people didn’t even bother to register the birth of a child. The narrow lanes around Dawson’s Brewery had been almost a slum for years, though they were a much nicer place to live now due to the influence of Joe Robinson. Not content with improving the properties he owned, he had campaigned for the old warehouses that had harboured rats and vagrants to be pulled down. There was a stretch of grass in their place by the river now and the kids played there after school. Most of the houses in the lanes had running water and inside lavatories too.

‘I’ve never known exactly how old I am,’ Gran said, looking at me sadly as she leaned forward to poke up the fire. I’d been up early to black lead the grate and scrub the stone floor, which was covered with several peg rugs Gran had made from scraps of material. ‘I’ll miss yer if you go, Kathy – but maybe it’s for the best. Ernie’s temper gets worse all the time. If he doesn’t watch out Mr Dawson will get rid of him altogether, and then where will we be?’

‘He only keeps him on because he thinks he was to blame for the accident. At least that’s what Da says.’

‘That’s daft talk. Ernie has only himself to blame. He was drunk and he didn’t watch what he was doing with that load. It was his own fault it slipped and caught him, breaking his leg. The break never healed properly, that’s the pity of it.’ Gran sighed and looked at me. ‘When are you goin’?’

‘It might as well be today,’ I said and immediately felt guilty as I saw her expression of shock. ‘That’s if you’re feeling well enough to manage? I could stay a few days longer if you need me?’

She shook her head. ‘I’m better, Kathy. I shall miss yer, girl, but I won’t stand in your way if it’s what yer want – and maybe it’s for the best. I should think them hospital folk will be glad of a bit of ’elp. They need all the nurses they can get from what I ’ear of things.’

‘That’s how I feel,’ I said and kissed her cheek. ‘I know I shan’t be much use for a start, but I’m willing to do whatever they want and I don’t mind hard work.’

‘There will be ’ell to pay when Ernie knows you’ve gone, but never mind that, Kathy. I’ll give ’im a piece of me mind fer what he done to you.’

‘Don’t upset yourself over it, Gran.’ I touched the bruise gingerly with one finger. ‘It doesn’t hurt so much now and it will soon go.’

I felt guilty as I looked at her sitting there in her chair by the kitchen range, the fire blazing and putting out so much heat it was almost unbearable on a warm day like today unless you kept the yard door open. The fire and tiny oven beside it was Gran’s only method of cooking and there was usually a pot bubbling away on the top all day.

She was much better again now, but she wasn’t a young woman and I knew she would miss my help around the house. I didn’t like deserting her, yet I knew I had to get away for a while. For years I’d been aware that there was some mystery surrounding my mother, and my father’s harsh remarks about her had hurt me as much as the blow to my face. He’d seemed to hate her and, for a moment as he’d looked at me, I’d felt he hated me too.

It was hurtful to have my mother’s shame thrown at me like that, to feel that everyone was expecting me to behave in the same way, and I wanted to go right away from the lanes. Somewhere I wasn’t known. Somewhere I could be myself and hold my head up high.

There was another life away from the lanes, and this was my opportunity to find it, to make something of myself. I knew that if I didn’t take my chance now, I never would.

‘So you want to be a nurse, Miss Cole?’ The rather severe-looking woman behind the desk stared at me in what could only be described as a disapproving manner. ‘And what makes you imagine you have the qualifications for such an important task?’

I had waited several days to get this interview and I was feeling anxious as she glanced down at my application again. If she turned me down I didn’t know what I was going to do.

‘I know I’ve got a lot to learn, miss,’ I replied, meeting her forbidding gaze as steadily as I could. ‘But I’m a quick learner and I don’t mind how hard I work.’

‘Are you indeed?’ She drummed her fingers on the top of the battered-looking desk. ‘Well, we shall see. You have already been accepted into the VADs, but it is up to me whether I recommend you for the nursing branch or something else.’ She glanced at the papers in front of her. ‘You give your age as eighteen last birthday – you are a very young eighteen, Miss Cole.’

‘Am I?’ She waited for me to elaborate but I didn’t, lying wasn’t my strong point. I had a feeling this woman would know if I tried. ‘I’ll work really hard, miss.’

She continued to look at me thoughtfully for some minutes.

‘Yes, I think perhaps you will.’ She nodded as though making up her mind. ‘Very well, I’m going to put you forward. You will be sent to a hospital just outside London where they have a shortage of staff at present, and more patients than they can cope with, I’m afraid. It’s under the authority of the Military and the patients are all wounded personnel from one of the Armed Forces. You understand that at first you will be doing all the menial jobs the trained nurses just don’t have time for?’

‘Yes, miss. All I want to do is help – whatever it is.’

‘Then I shall not deny you the chance to serve, Miss Cole. Goodness knows, we need enthusiastic young women badly enough.’ She stamped a paper and handed it to me. ‘Take this to the desk on your way out. You will be provided with your ticket and all the necessary paperwork. You will be required to report to the duty officer on Monday morning without fail.’

‘Thank you.’ I took the paper she gave me gratefully, giving her a smile of thanks. ‘Thank you so much for passing me.’

‘Don’t let me down, Miss Cole.’ She gave me a wintry smile. ‘And I should let your birth certificate remain lost if I were you.’

The look in her eyes told me she had not been convinced that I was eighteen, but circumstances were such that she was willing to accept almost anyone she felt could be trusted to work and behave decently.

It wasn’t surprising with the way things had been going for the past eighteen months or more. The numbers of casualties, both dead and wounded, had been rising steadily as the fighting intensified and the hospitals were stretched to breaking point.

I had no illusions as I joined the queue at the recruitment agency’s reception desk. There was nothing glamorous about the job I had taken on. I was more likely to find myself emptying and scrubbing endless bedpans than smoothing the brow of a brave soldier, but at least I would feel needed and wanted. It was a chance for me, a chance to get away from the lanes and the past.

The memory of that quarrel with my father was still hurtful, but I’d made up my mind to put it behind me and look to the future. It was going to take years of hard work, but one day I would be able to call myself a nurse. I wanted to make something of myself.

‘Have you been accepted for nursing training too?’

I turned as the girl spoke behind me. She was several inches shorter than me, not much more than five foot five or six at most, whereas I was nearer five foot eight, but as I looked down into blue eyes that sparkled with fun I liked her immediately. She was pretty, had soft fair hair that curled about her face appealingly, and she was clearly very excited.

‘Yes – it was touch and go for a while, though; Miss Martin thought I might not be up to the work, but she accepted me in the end. I’ve been passed to train as a nurse, though I don’t suppose I’ll do much of that for a while.’

‘No – but it will be worthwhile in the end,’ she replied. ‘Miss Martin was a bit of an old battleaxe, wasn’t she? At first she said I would never stand up to the work because I’m too delicate. I told her I can eat and work like a horse, and that if she didn’t pass me I’d give a false name and try again until I did get someone to pass me. That made her stare, I can tell you.’ A giggle escaped her. ‘Mind you, I don’t suppose she had much choice really. They need girls so badly and they get an awful lot who fall by the wayside – find they can’t stand the hours or the work – or simply collapse under the strain. That’s what my cousin says anyway, and she has been in the Service from day one.’ She held her hand out. ‘I’m Alice Bowyer by the way. Ally for short.’

‘Kathy Cole.’ I shook her hand. ‘I’m being sent to a hospital just outside London – Military-controlled, she said.’

‘Me too,’ Ally agreed. ‘They’re short of staff there. Joan says they get most of the worst cases – badly burned or crippled by loss of limbs, long-term patients, I think. They’ve usually been in other hospitals for some weeks or even months, poor devils. Joan says that some of them will never be fit to go home.’

‘That’s such a shame. My friend was telling me it’s much worse out there than most of us know. The papers don’t tell us the half of it, according to Billy.’

‘Probably wouldn’t dare.’ She gave me a little push forward. ‘It’s your turn next. Will you wait for me? We can go for a cup of tea or something.’

‘Oh yes, I should like that. We shall be able to travel together, I expect.’

Ally nodded and gave me another push. The woman behind the counter took my paper and gave me a sheaf of leaflets with my instructions and information, and a small brown packet containing a ticket for the bus.

‘You’ll be one of fifteen personnel catching the bus,’ she told me. ‘Be there on time or you’ll be left behind. They don’t wait for stragglers. Miss it and you’ll have to make your own way.’

I thanked her and moved aside while Ally was given identical instructions. She grimaced as she joined me.

‘Anyone would think we were school children,’ she muttered. ‘I don’t know why they couldn’t give us the money and let us get there ourselves.’

‘We might take their money and run. Besides, it is a Military hospital and they probably want to control things their way – make sure we’re not spies or something. We might be German soldiers dressed up as girls …’

Ally laughed. ‘Daft! I thought you looked my sort. Where shall we go for a chat? I don’t know this part of London too well – I’m from the other side of the river, down Finsbury way. My father has a business there and we live near the shop. Let’s get something to eat, shall we? I’m starving.’

‘There’s a little teashop I’ve been using just up the road. It’s not bad and they make everything themselves.’

‘Do you live near here?’ She looked at me curiously.

‘I’ve got a room in the next street. It’s temporary – just until we go.’ I hesitated; then: ‘I had a row with my father and walked out last week.’

‘Oh, poor you,’ Ally said and linked her arm through mine. ‘My parents have been really good to me. They were expecting me to work in the shop – Dad owns a grocery business – but I told them I thought it was important to give something back to the men who were giving so much for us and they agreed.’

Ally was obviously from a better class of home than my own, but she was prepared to be friendly and it would be nice to have at least one friend in this venture.

‘Your family sounds nice. I – I don’t have a mother, just Gran and my father. Gran is lovely, but my father has a temper. He hit me after an argument so I left before he could do it again.’

‘Good for you!’ Ally hugged my arm and gave me a look of approval. ‘I hate that sort of brutality. I’m glad you left home, Kathy. I think we shall be good friends.’

‘I think so too.’

Ally smiled. ‘You spoke about your friend just now. Is he a soldier?’

‘Yes. His name is Billy Ryan. He’s asked me to marry him, but I haven’t said I will yet. I want to learn to be a nurse first – and there’s no sense in planning anything until the war is over.’

‘That’s just how I feel,’ she agreed. ‘I’ve got a special friend too. His name is Mike Saunders. He’s just been promoted to sergeant. In his last letter he said he wants to get married when this is all over, but we’ve agreed not to rush things.’

‘Are you in love with him?’ I asked her shyly. Ally nodded, a little smile of satisfaction on her mouth. I continued, feeling I could open up to her now, ‘I’m not sure how I feel about Billy. I like him – and he makes me feel odd, sort of excited, when he kisses me – but I don’t know if I love him enough to marry him.’

‘Wait until you are sure,’ Ally advised. ‘There’s nothing worse than being married to the wrong man. You remember me mentioning my cousin Joan?’ I nodded. ‘Well, she is divorced …’

‘Never!’ I stared at her in amazement.

Ally nodded solemnly. ‘It caused terrible trouble in the family. But Joan said he was making her life a misery and she left him. He divorced her. He’s something in the city and rich. She got absolutely nothing because he claimed she was unfaithful to him. Joan didn’t care as long as she got away from him. She applied to be a nurse and then the war happened.’

Ally’s sophisticated talk of divorce was an eye-opener for me. It just wouldn’t have been thought of where I lived, but I was beginning to realize that the world was very different away from the lanes. A rush of excitement made me glad I had taken my courage in both hands and walked out when I did – and that I had found a new friend.

‘She sounds wonderful – your cousin.’

‘Joan has a lot of courage,’ Ally replied seriously. ‘My father says she’s one of the new modern women who will emerge when this war is over. He thinks it can’t be long before women are allowed to at least vote for who they want in Parliament. Joan is ahead of her time. If she hadn’t wanted to be a nurse she would probably have tried to stand for Parliament herself.’

I stared at her in amazement. ‘Can women do that?’

Ally shook her head. ‘Not yet but one day they will – and if she lives to see it my cousin will be one of the first to join the men on the hustings.’ She laughed at my look of disbelief. ‘I can see I am going to have to educate you about your rights, Kathy – but for the moment I want my tea!’

The hospital was the most amazing place I had ever seen. Both Ally and I were speechless as the bus finally pulled up in the courtyard of Beckwith House.

‘Good heavens,’ Ally said in an awed whisper. ‘We’ve done all right for ourselves here, Kathy. This must have been someone’s private house before the war. And what a house! Mind you, I wouldn’t want to live here, stuck out in the wilds like this. When they said it was outside London I didn’t expect it to be this far.’

‘I expect that is because they like to keep the location as secret as possible; no doubt that’s why they brought us here instead of giving us the money to find our own way. It’s huge, isn’t it – and that’s without all those temporary buildings they’ve put up in the grounds.’

‘You mean those tin shacks we passed?’ Ally grimaced. ‘I’ll bet you that’s where they put us.’

‘Well, I don’t suppose we’ll be staying in the main house; that’s sure to be needed for the men.’

‘They come first, of course.’

‘Pay attention please!’

An officious-looking man in uniform was trying to line us all up. We stopped talking and waited for directions.

‘Nursing recruits are to report to the Dower House. Orderlies and outside staff come with me.’

‘They get the tin huts,’ Ally said and grinned. ‘Where do you suppose the Dower House is? Hey – where are we supposed to go? Some of us are new around here, you know. We’re not all mind readers!’ She got a glare from the sergeant in charge of new arrivals, but there was a murmur of agreement from some of the other girls.

‘Follow that path.’ He pointed to the right. ‘The one between the shrubbery there. Someone will look after you when you get there. Right! Sort yourselves out, I haven’t got all day. Everyone other than nursing recruits come with me.’

‘Poor devils,’ I whispered to Ally as several women and a couple of elderly men trooped after him. ‘He’s a real bully. I’m glad I’m not in his charge.’ I picked up my case. ‘We’d better try to find the Dower House.’

‘Not very welcoming are they?’

Ally and I both turned as we heard the bored but extremely cultured voice behind us. The girl who had spoken had black hair and grey eyes and she was beautiful. Not just pretty or attractive but ‘knock ’em dead’ gorgeous, and the dress she was wearing looked as if it had come straight from the pages of an expensive fashion magazine.

‘It’s all such a bore, isn’t it?’ she said smiling wryly now that she had secured our attention. She offered her hand to me and I took it thinking she seemed nice enough in her way. ‘I’m Eleanor Ross, by the way.’

‘I’m Kathy and this is Ally – Alice Bowyer.’

‘I’m not in the least bored,’ Ally retorted with a sparkle in her eyes. I could sense her hostility towards the other girl immediately. ‘Why did you join if you didn’t want to come?’

‘Daddy insisted,’ she replied and pulled a face. ‘It’s good for his public image to have a daughter doing her bit. I’m lucky. He chased my poor brother into the Navy as soon as this stupid war started. Paul hates every moment of it. He’s a talented musician and that’s all he wants to do, but he wasn’t given a choice.’

‘What does Daddy do?’ Ally asked in an acid tone.

‘He’s a parliamentary secretary,’ Eleanor replied. ‘Very patriotic and filthy rich. One daren’t refuse to do as he asks or one might be cut off without a penny.’

‘And that would be dreadful for one, wouldn’t it?’ Ally glared at her with dislike. ‘Come on, Kathy. We don’t want to bother with her sort. She doesn’t belong with the rest of us.’

Ally took my arm and marched me away down the path some of the other girls had already taken. I glanced back at Eleanor Ross feeling a bit sorry for her. She looked unhappy and was vainly struggling with three heavy suitcases. I was considering whether to risk Ally’s disapproval and help her when a young man in a white coat approached Eleanor. He was good-looking, tall, had dark hair and clean-cut features that immediately triggered something in my memory.

‘Let me give you a hand?’ he offered. ‘You’ll never get all this stuff to the Dower House alone. You’ve brought rather a lot, haven’t you?’

‘I wasn’t sure what I would need.’ She gave him a flashing smile. ‘This is very kind of you, Mr …?’

‘Dr,’ he corrected. ‘I’m not a consultant so you call me doctor – Tom O’Rourke off duty.’

Ally had looked back to see what had caught my interest. She scowled as she saw the very attractive man speaking to Eleanor.

‘Trust her to get her claws into a terrific-looking bloke five minutes after we get here! That sort always know how to get their own way.’

‘I think I know him,’ I said as we started walking again. I could hear Eleanor talking to Dr Tom O’Rourke as they followed behind, though I couldn’t quite catch what they were saying because they were trailing some way back down the path. ‘I’m not sure, because I haven’t seen him for ages, but I think he used to live near me at home. I know his sister well. She’s always been really nice to me, because she delivered me when I was born.’

Ally gave me a curious glance. ‘You’ll have to introduce me when you get a chance. We can’t let Miss Stuck Up Madam get all the best men, can we?’

‘What about your boyfriend? I thought you were thinking about marrying him?’

‘That’s when the war is over,’ she said and grinned naughtily. ‘I intend to have some fun in the meantime. Mike doesn’t expect me to sit at home and twiddle my thumbs every night – and if he does he’s mistaken.’

I smiled and let the subject drop. I was in no position to introduce her to Tom O’Rourke. He probably wouldn’t remember me. I was still a snotty-nosed kid at school when he’d gone off to college. I remembered people talking about it, saying he was lucky to be alive because of the illness he’d had in childhood. The family was well liked and they had all wished him luck. He’d obviously done all right for himself, and it was an odd sort of coincidence me coming to train at this particular hospital.

I forgot about Dr O’Rourke as we arrived at the Dower House to find it a scene of friendly chaos and confusion. When some of the fuss had died down, we discovered that there were only three rooms to accommodate ten newcomers. It meant that we would be three to a bedroom and one of us was going to have to share with the senior nurses, which was something no one seemed to want to do, hence the argument.

The first girls to arrive had sorted themselves out apart from one girl who was looking for two others to share. She looked at us uncertainly as we signed the register.

‘Will you share with me?’ she asked. ‘There is one other girl to come but she hasn’t turned up yet.’

‘Oh, she’s busy chatting to one of the doctors,’ Ally said. ‘Yes, we’ll share – won’t we, Kathy? What’s your name?’

‘Sally – Sally Baker,’ she said and looked relieved. ‘I don’t want to go in with the seniors. They are bound to be superior and look down on us, especially those who were nursing before the war. Apparently, they think we’re all useless.’

‘I suppose we are for a start,’ I said. ‘We’ve got to learn, Sally – but I agree it is better to be with other recruits. We can all cry on each other’s shoulder when Matron ticks us off.’

‘Yes, that’s what I thought.’ She smiled shyly. ‘I’m so nervous – are you? I’m sure I shall make lots of mistakes, and I do want to do well. I’ve got two brothers in the Army, and a … friend.’

‘We’ve all got someone out there,’ Ally said. ‘But even if we hadn’t, we would want to help. I hope they are going to let us do something useful and not just scrub floors.’

‘There will be plenty of that,’ Sally said. ‘I’ve got the key. Shall we go up now and see what the room is like?’

Ally followed her to the foot of the stairs. I glanced back and saw that Eleanor Ross had just arrived and was being told the situation. She caught up with me as I began to climb the stairs.

‘You couldn’t give me a hand with one of these cases, Kathy?’

‘Yes, of course.’ I took the case she offered; it was very heavy and I grimaced. ‘What on earth have you got in here?’

‘Clothes and books,’ she said and looked apologetic. ‘I thought it might be as well to have something to read in the evenings. It’s bound to be deadly dull. Dr O’Rourke says there’s a Military base a few miles down the road and they give a dance every month and invite us over, but apart from that there’s nothing much. Just a trip to the pub or dinner if you’re lucky, and the occasional film show over at the base again. But that’s bound to be something we’ve seen in London months ago, of course.’

‘I expect we’ll be too busy and too tired to think about anything else for a while anyway,’ I said and laughed as I saw her expression. ‘Oh, poor Eleanor. This is awful for you, isn’t it? It really wasn’t fair of your father to make you do this.’

I was surprised to see a faint flush in her cheeks.

‘Take no notice of my moaning, Kathy. I don’t mean half of what I say. I expect I shall enjoy it all once I get started – and it’s probably time I did something for someone else. Daddy says I’m spoiled and I expect he’s perfectly right.’

At the top of the stairs we paused and she thanked me for my help before we parted. ‘I can manage these now, thanks. I hope we’ll be friends?’ she said hesitantly. ‘I know your friend Ally doesn’t approve of me.’

‘Ally’s all right. She’ll change her mind when she gets to know you.’

We parted and I hurried after the others. The room was furnished with three beds, each with a small cupboard for our possessions, and a rather spotty mirror on the wall.

Ally had already bagged the bed at the far end. Sally asked me which of the other two I wanted and I told her to take her pick. She chose the middle, which left me near the door.

‘What made you lag behind with that stuck-up Ross woman?’ Ally asked with a frown. I sensed that she would rather have had me sleeping next to her and was annoyed that I had let Sally choose. ‘You should’ve let her carry her own cases.’

‘I didn’t mind. She isn’t so bad really. It’s just that she feels awkward and strange in a new place.’

‘Don’t we all?’ Sally chirped in. ‘I felt like a fish out of water until you two turned up. I’ve never been anywhere like this before. Whoever owns it must be rich, a bit different to where I live, I can tell you.’ Ally immediately started to ask her questions about her life and family, and the subject was turned. We had time only to finish unpacking our things before a girl in the heavy, ugly uniform of the VADs came to fetch us.

‘My name is Nurse Millie Smith and I’ve been sent to show you around,’ she said with a cheerful smile. ‘You will all be issued with uniforms and Matron will give you a welcoming speech at three – so you had better look sharp.’

Millie’s arrival effectively cut short all small talk. We hurried after her as she rounded up all the new recruits and led us first to a large room where we collected our kit. Then, once we had sorted ourselves out, and amidst a great deal of moaning and laughter, dressed in the unflattering clothes we’d been given, she took us on a whirlwind tour of the main building.

As we’d first thought, it had once been a beautiful private home but was now forlorn, stripped down to bare walls and very basic. The wards had been painted in dark cream and green gloss paint, though the bedrooms allocated to certain patients seemed to have more home comforts.

‘The men in the private rooms are probably going to be here for ages,’ Millie explained as she gave us a peep into one that was presently empty. ‘This belonged to a Major Robinson – he died yesterday. We’re expecting a new patient this evening.’

‘Do many of the patients die?’

Millie looked at me in silence for a moment, considering my question. ‘We get some deaths. You have to remember, these men are seriously ill or they wouldn’t be here – but most have been given life-saving treatment before they are brought to us. Our patients are here to rest and recover from the terrible ordeal they’ve suffered. Some will leave eventually – others will survive but never be well enough to go home.’

‘That’s sad,’ one of the other girls said. ‘Will they always have to stay here?’

‘Here – or another nursing home. A private one, probably, if their family can afford it. Some of the patients are officers, but we get men from the ranks as well.’

‘So I should hope,’ Ally muttered beside me. ‘Where do we work?’

‘Matron will explain,’ Millie replied. ‘I’m just here to show you where everything is so that you don’t get lost.’

We were shown the way to the operating theatre, though not allowed inside it. Millie warned us that there were strict restrictions about entering the sterile areas.

‘New recruits spend most of their time fetching and carrying on the wards, attending lectures – and of course your favourite place, the sluice room. You’ll get to know that very well, I promise you.’

Groans and laughter greeted this announcement but nobody really minded. We were here to help wherever we could. Already we were banding together, feeling a shared interest in doing our very best for the unfortunate men who had been brought to this place.

We visited the common room, where some of the patients had congregated, and had our first glimpses of the appalling injuries these men had suffered. Some had lost limbs, others had burns to their faces and hands, but these were the luckier ones who had begun to recover and we were warned that we would see much worse in the private rooms.

‘Who have you brought us now, Millie love? More lambs to the slaughter?’

A soldier in striped pyjamas with his army coat over the top came up to us on crutches. He had lost a leg from the knee down but was grinning cheerfully, apparently unconcerned by his loss. He looked all the new recruits over, his eyes coming eventually to rest on me.

‘Lovely despite that awful dress,’ he said. ‘Eyes a man could drown in. I’m Sergeant Steve Harley – what do they call you other than beautiful?’

‘Kathy,’ I replied. ‘But they don’t call me beautiful.’

‘Blind or mad,’ he quipped with a grin. ‘Want to be my partner for the bath chair race this weekend?’

‘Yes – what is it?’

Sergeant Harley chuckled. ‘Lucky girl! You get to push me right round the house faster than any of the others in the line-up – and let me tell you, I shall expect to win.’

‘I’ll do my best.’ I glanced at Millie. ‘If it’s allowed?’

‘Provided you’re not on duty,’ she said. ‘Matron frowns on such activities, of course, but the doctors are usually there to cheer us on. I shall be taking part myself.’

‘You’re on then,’ I told Sergeant Harley. ‘Provided I’m not on duty when it happens.’

‘You can get someone to switch,’ he told me. ‘Ask Millie, she knows how to get round the rules.’

‘I’ll let you know,’ I said and followed the group as they moved on.

After our visit to the common room we all had a late lunch in the canteen, which was used by both the doctors and nurses. The food wasn’t exactly like home cooking but it was just about edible and the tea was hot and strong, just like Gran made it.

‘Awful!’ Ally complained as she picked at her shepherd’s pie but Eleanor Ross cleared her plate and said it was no worse than their cook served up at home. I wasn’t sure whether she was just putting on a brave face or not.

Lunch over, we had half an hour to ourselves before being taken to Matron’s welcome talk. She was a large woman with iron-grey hair and a stern manner, and her speech was more of a lecture than a welcome. We were told that we were expected to work hard and behave ourselves, then warned not to be late on duty.

‘You will find a duty roster at the Dower House,’ she told us. ‘It is up to you to check where to report and at what time. Recruits who arrive late for duty will be reprimanded. We expect certain standards from all our nursing staff. Please make sure you keep to them.’

‘Phew – she’s a right old battleaxe,’ Ally said as we were at last released to settle in, having been told we were now free for the rest of the day. ‘I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of her!’

‘No, nor me.’

Matron was strict, but I supposed she had to be. She had a lot of young women under her charge, and that couldn’t be easy at the best of times. I just hoped I wouldn’t do anything to displease her.

I was pleased to see that I was working on Saturday morning and then free until six in the evening on Sunday.

‘Oh good, that means I can push Sergeant Harley in the race. It starts at four on Sunday afternoon so that gives me plenty of time to get ready.’

‘More fool you,’ Ally retorted. ‘It’s going to be hard work. Rather you than me.’

She pulled a face but I got the idea that she was a bit miffed because I’d been picked to take part and she hadn’t.

The next few days were the most hectic of my life. We worked seven-hour shifts on the wards fetching and carrying for the nurses and patients, but we also had to take turns scrubbing endless floors. On Friday I came off duty at five feeling tired after three hours in the sluice room. I was looking forward to putting my feet up before supper but as I was about to leave the main building someone called to me.

‘Miss Cole, could I have a word please?’

I stopped and turned, staring in surprise as a doctor came sprinting up to me. For a moment I was afraid I’d done something wrong and then I saw he was smiling – and that I knew him. It was a long time since I’d seen him in the lanes and I hadn’t been sure when I heard him talking to Eleanor Ross, but now I was certain.

‘Yes, Dr O’Rourke? Is there something you wanted?’

‘You are Kathy Cole … little Kathy from the lanes,’ he said. ‘What a nice surprise to find you here. When Sergeant Harley told me about the girl who had offered to help him, I wondered if it could possibly be the same person. Bridget wrote in her last letter that she’d heard you had joined the Service. How are you getting on?’

‘Oh, managing,’ I said and smiled ruefully. I wasn’t sure that I liked being remembered as little Kathy from the lanes. ‘I knew it was going to be hard work but we never seem to stop.’

He nodded, eyes bright with amusement. ‘They work you girls hard; it’s part of the initiation. But at least you’ll have some fun on Sunday. Sergeant Harley wanted to be sure you were still up for it?’

‘Oh yes. I was going to pop in this evening and have a word with him, find out what it’s all about.’

‘It’s sheer nonsense,’ he replied. ‘But some of them take it seriously and the competition is fierce.’ He arched his brows, which I’d noticed were fine and nicely shaped. He was very attractive altogether and his smile was somehow easing my tiredness. ‘Have you ever pushed one of those chairs?’

‘Yes. I had to take a patient down to the common room yesterday. It wasn’t easy … those chairs can be awkward to manoeuvre.’

‘No, they aren’t easy, and you’ll find it much worse round the building, especially on the gravel. My advice is to take it slowly for that part and put a spurt on when you get back to hard ground. Otherwise you might get bogged down.’

‘Thanks. I’ll remember. It was good of you to give me some advice, doctor. Sergeant Harley told me he expects to win so I want to do my best for him,’

‘Yes, mustn’t let the patients down. They will all be watching the outcome eagerly.’ He smiled and nodded, his bluish grey eyes studying me thoughtfully. ‘I shall be there to cheer you on, Kathy. Good luck.’

‘Thank you, Doctor.’

‘Right then. Get off and put your feet up for a while.’

His smile made my heart jump with excitement, and I felt pleased that he had taken the trouble to seek me out and wish me luck. Suddenly, I was looking forward to the race on Sunday and what might come after it …

Three

‘Come on, Kathy!’ I heard Ally’s voice screaming above the others as I turned the last corner with my chair and patient still intact despite a bumpy ride. We were lagging behind the leader, who had seemed to fly over the first part of the course. ‘Don’t let them beat you!’

‘Push harder,’ Sergeant Harley urged me on as we saw our quarry just ahead. ‘We’ll catch them if you put your back into it, Kathy. Come on, don’t give up. Why are you slowing down?’

‘We’ve got to cross that gravel yet …’

Ahead of us I could see Nurse Peters struggling to get through the loose gravel. She had glanced at me over her shoulder and then plunged in recklessly, obviously fearing that I was about to catch up with her, and now the wheels of her chair had become embedded in the gravel just as Tom O’Rourke had warned.

I entered the stretch of gravel gingerly. Nurse Peters was digging at the gravel that had bunched beneath the wheels of her chair with her bare hands and I noticed that the chair she was using had small wheel arches and looked hopelessly stuck.

‘Put a move on,’ Sergeant Harley said. ‘She’s getting it free …’

‘We have to go carefully – and if she rushes she’ll get stuck again.’

Nurse Peters scowled as I wheeled my chair carefully past her. It took patience to maintain my slow pace until we were through the gravel and on to solid ground again, and then, to the sound of cheering, I started to push for all I was worth.

Nurses, patients, and quite a few doctors were at the finishing line urging us on. I was breathing hard, feeling the strain of pushing a considerable weight for some distance. Behind me, I could hear the sound of pursuing feet and the rattle of Nurse Peters’ chair. Then I heard a crashing noise and looked back to see her chair collapse as a wheel came off, but another nurse was coming up fast behind her and I had to put a spurt on to keep my lead. Then we were at the finishing line and I felt a surge of triumph as I realized we had won.

‘Well done, Cole,’ I heard praise on the lips of others. ‘It’s about time someone else won. Nurse Peters has had it her own way for too long.’

‘Clever girl, Kathy,’ Sergeant Harley said. ‘I didn’t think about the gravel trap.’

‘That was brilliant, Kathy.’

‘Well done, Kathy.’

I swung round as I heard Tom O’Rourke’s voice. He was smiling at me, obviously pleased with the result.

‘I took your advice, Doctor.’

‘I knew you’d had help.’ Nurse Peters looked at me half-admiringly and half-annoyed. ‘But it was a good race. I shall know to watch out for you in future.’

‘There’s always next time,’ I said. ‘It was a good race … fun.’

‘We’re having a few drinks in the common room,’ Sergeant Harley said. ‘You’ll come and celebrate, won’t you, Kathy?’

‘I shall have to stick to lemonade. I’m on duty in an hour. I mustn’t be late.’

‘Plenty of time. You’ve got to celebrate your victory.’

It was an excited group who trouped into the common room to toast the victory. I hadn’t realized quite how important the event was and I was amazed by all the fuss everyone made of me. The praise for my tactics was overwhelming and I glowed from all the attention while feeling a bit of a cheat. After all, it was Tom O’Rourke who had told me about the gravel trap. He had watched the race but didn’t seem to have joined the celebrations, which left me feeling slightly disappointed.

It was half an hour after the race when the laughter in the common room suddenly stilled. Everyone was gazing towards the door and following the general direction my heart jerked as I saw Matron standing there watching us.

‘So much noise,’ she said. ‘You are disturbing my patients, ladies and gentlemen, and some of you are needed on duty.’

Her eyes seemed to dwell on me with what I fancied was disapproval as she spoke, and then she turned and walked out leaving a hushed silence behind her.

‘Spoilsport,’ someone muttered resentfully but the party atmosphere had gone.

‘I’d better go,’ I said, glancing at Sergeant Harley. ‘I’m on duty soon and I dare not be late.’

‘Come and visit me soon. We might have a drink or something. I owe you a night out, Nurse Cole.’

‘I’m not a nurse yet. Just a volunteer.’ I smiled at him. ‘It was good fun. I’m glad we won. And I shall come to see you when I can.’

I hurried away to my room to change and tidy myself. My hair had worked loose from the tight roll I usually wore for duty and my face was flushed. It wasn’t surprising that Matron had looked so disapproving. My appearance wasn’t up to the standards she expected from her staff.

As I made my way back towards the main building I saw Dr O’Rourke coming towards me and my heart began to thump with excitement.

‘Back to work and sanity now, Kathy?’

‘Yes, Doctor. It was fun but I’m on duty soon.’

‘It cheers the patients up,’ he said. ‘Even those who can’t get to watch like to bet on the outcome. You’re the first probationer to win.’

‘Only because you told me how.’

‘Oh no, it was courage and determination,’ he replied easily. ‘But we might go for a drink to celebrate one evening when we’re both free?’ His suggestion surprised me so much that I didn’t answer immediately. ‘Talk about old times, what’s happening in the lanes …?’

‘Oh … Yes, thank you.’ I blushed and my knees went oddly weak. ‘Yes, I should like that. I’m free on Wednesday or Friday evening this week.’

‘I’m free on Wednesday so we’ll make it then. Pick you up outside the Dower House at seven. OK?’

‘Yes, lovely.’ My mouth was dry with excitement. ‘I’d better go …’

‘Yes. Go on then, and don’t worry so much, Kathy. Matron doesn’t bite.’

‘She might,’ I said, remembering her expression. ‘Bye now.’

After we had parted I had to hurry. There were still five minutes before I was due on my ward but Sister expected us to be early and would look pointedly at her watch if we were a second over our time. I was hardly going to make it. Fearing a reprimand, I began to run.

‘What are you doing? Running in corridors is strictly forbidden!’

I stopped and swung round guiltily at the sound of Matron’s voice, waiting in trepidation for her approach. Now I was in for it!

‘I’m sorry, Matron. I was delayed and didn’t want to be late.’

Her brow furrowed. ‘Rules are there for a purpose, Miss Cole. You could endanger a patient by careless behaviour. Always take your time and think what you are doing. Remember that in future.’

‘Yes, Matron. I am very sorry.’

‘Very well. I shall not punish you this time, but do not let success go to your head, Miss Cole. You are here to work and everything else comes second to that duty – do you understand?’

‘Yes, Matron.’

‘Go along now or you will be late.’

I turned and began to walk at a sedate pace towards the ward, feeling her eyes boring into my back. She must think I was a harum-scarum girl with little or no sense.

‘And congratulations on winning, Miss Cole.’

I heard her voice as I turned the corner but did not dare to look back. Had she really said those words or was I dreaming?

Sister Norton glanced up from her desk as I entered the ward. She glanced at her watch and frowned but said nothing about the fact that I was three minutes late.

‘The patient in number five requested a bedpan some minutes ago. Make sure that he is comfortable. Miss Cole.’

‘Yes, Sister.’

I hurried off to do her bidding, knowing that I had a black mark against me. Matron had warned me and I would need to work extra hard to scrub out any idea that I had let my success in the race go to my head.

‘You’re the first VAD ever to win,’ Ally said to me the next morning at breakfast. ‘Apparently most get bogged down in the gravel – especially those who haven’t entered before. Nurse Peters is blaming her chair. She says it was just bad luck that she got stuck, and that you had help, but that’s sour grapes.’

‘She was OK to me. Anyway, I was told to be careful in the gravel so I did have help of a kind.’

‘Who told you – Dr O’Rourke?’ Ally raised her brows at me. ‘You’ll have Eleanor Ross breathing fire down your neck. She thinks he’s her property because he took her out one night.’

‘He’s asked me out for a drink on Wednesday.’

‘You’re joking?’ Ally stared at me and then chuckled. ‘That really will upset Miss Hoity-Toity.’

‘I don’t see why. It’s just a drink to talk about people we both know. I told you he used to live in Farthing Lane.’

‘I thought he went off to a fancy school when you were just a kid?’

‘Yes, he did – but he visits his sister now and then. I didn’t think he would remember me. I was surprised when he wished me luck before the race.’

‘Well, well …’ Ally looked mischievous. ‘You’re a dark horse, Kathy Cole.’

‘It’s just a drink,’ I giggled as she looked disbelieving. ‘But yes, I do like him – quite a lot.’

‘You watch it, Kathy! Men who look as good as Dr O’Rourke aren’t to be trusted. Besides, what about Billy Ryan? I thought he’d asked you to marry him?’

‘Yes, he did – but I didn’t say I would.’

‘You didn’t say you wouldn’t either.’

‘No …’ I shook my head at her. ‘It’s just a drink, Ally. Dr O’Rourke isn’t interested in me that way. He’s just being friendly, that’s all.’

‘We’ll see.’ She grinned wickedly. ‘You be careful, Kathy, that’s all I’m saying.’

‘Well, if I had any idea of grandeur this morning’s duty will knock it out of me. I’m scrubbing floors.’

‘Poor you,’ Ally said. ‘I’ve got seven hours on the ward and lectures all afternoon.’

We both attended lectures, which were more absorbing than we’d imagined as they dealt with the practical side of nursing rather than theory. We were shown how to read thermometers and had our first go at taking each other’s pulse. We were also given detailed instructions in recognizing signs of serious distress in patients.

‘Now that was interesting,’ Ally remarked as we left the lecture room afterwards. ‘For the first time I really felt that I was being trained as a nurse and not just used as a skivvy.’

I felt just as she did, although it all seemed a little daunting. There was much more to nursing than I had imagined at the beginning.

‘There’s such a long way to go. But at least we’ve made a start. I’m going to read up all the information I can about the vital signs in the pamphlets they gave us. I know we shan’t be expected to deal with a crisis ourselves for years, but you never know when you might see something that ought to be reported to a senior nurse.’

Ally nodded, looking serious. ‘There was a death on our ward this morning. The dreadful thing is I’d been having a joke with him earlier. He had had both legs amputated but I thought he was getting over it. He was talking about getting false limbs and looking forward to going home – and then when I came back from the sluice room there was a crowd around his bed.’

She looked upset and I put an arm about her waist. ‘I’m sure they did all they could, Ally.’

‘Yes, they did what they could, but it was so sudden – a blood clot, apparently. Sister told me it often happens after a serious operation.’ She frowned. ‘Maybe if I’d known what to look for when I was talking to him earlier …?’

‘You can’t blame yourself. There were experienced nurses and doctors looking after him. If they weren’t aware of anything wrong, how could you be?’

‘Of course I couldn’t, but it’s sad, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it’s very sad.’ I squeezed her waist. ‘Come on, let’s go and have a cup of tea to cheer ourselves up. You’ll never guess what I managed to buy in the village shop on Saturday morning – a packet of shortbread biscuits. If you promise to stop moping, I’ll share them with you.’

‘You’re a good friend, Kathy,’ she said, cheering up. ‘You were lucky. When I asked for biscuits they said they hadn’t got any.’

‘Well, it’s knowing how to ask,’ I said and grinned at her. ‘The old man who serves there calls me sweetheart. I think he fancies me a bit.’

‘He’s old enough to be your granddad,’ Ally said but she was laughing, her good humour restored.

‘You look lovely,’ Ally declared as I fidgeted with my dress for the umpteenth time while getting ready for my date with Tom O’Rourke. ‘Besides, I thought you said this was just a drink to talk about old times and not important?’

‘Of course it isn’t, but I want to look my best.’

‘You always look good,’ Ally said. ‘You’ve got the perfect English rose complexion and your hair is a lovely colour. You can see it’s natural and not dyed.’

‘Yes, I’m lucky with my hair.’ I gave it a little pat. ‘I never have to do much with it. After a wash it just waves naturally.’

‘Well, don’t gloat. Just because you’re going out with the best-looking fellow in the place.’

She was grinning at me but I caught a faint note of envy in her voice. Ally had already been out with three different men since our arrival, but moaned that she hadn’t really enjoyed herself with any of them.

‘Don’t worry,’ I told her. ‘You’ll find someone you like soon.’

‘I’m not sure …’ She bit her lip anxiously. ‘It’s daft, but I can’t help thinking about Mike the whole time. He usually writes as soon as he gets back to his base, but he hasn’t this time. I’m worried about him, Kathy. Supposing he’s been hurt – or killed?’

‘Perhaps he’s just been too busy to write,’ I suggested. ‘If there was bad news someone would let you know.’

‘Yes, I expect you’re right. I’m being silly.’ She pulled a face. ‘Go on then, you lucky thing. Go and meet Dr O’Rourke. And stop looking so nervous!’

‘I’ll try.’ I gave her a quick hug. ‘You try to stop worrying about Mike.’

She grinned and shook her head as I left. I went downstairs and saw Tom O’Rourke standing just outside the front door. It was a pleasant summer evening and he was wearing beige slacks, a brown shirt, a deep fawn sweater slung over his shoulder. I thought he looked like a star from the movies and my heart did a rapid somersault.

‘Kathy,’ he murmured, his eyes going over me with approval. ‘You look … very nice. That colour blue suits you.’

I was wearing a simple blue dress with a tucked bodice, short sleeves and a white collar. It was good to get out of uniform for a while, but I knew the dress was a bit girlish. I’d had it new just before I left home and the style wasn’t what I would have chosen for myself, but I hadn’t been able to get myself anything new yet. Ally had spoken of us spending our first leave together at her home, and I intended to buy some more suitable clothes, but that wouldn’t be for ages.

‘I thought we would walk to the village.’ Something flickered in Tom’s eyes as they went over me. ‘You hardly look old enough to drink in the pub, Kathy.’

‘It’s just this dress. Gran bought it for me. It’s too childish but it’s my best.’

He nodded and smiled. ‘Very pretty. You look older in your uniform.’

I bit my lip as I sensed a withdrawal in him and realized he wasn’t pleased by the way I looked. Perhaps I should have worn my hair up instead of letting it hang loose? It was too late now. I should just have to hope my youthful appearance hadn’t put him off completely.

‘Have you written to Mrs Cole yet?’ he asked as we began to walk in the direction of the village. ‘Bridget told me that she was worried because she hadn’t heard.’

There was a note of reprimand in his voice that touched a nerve. Did he imagine I was an irresponsible child? The evening I’d been anticipating so eagerly had suddenly become disappointing. He had said it was just a drink to talk about people we both knew but I had expected more than this somehow. I’d thought there was something between us. Now he seemed to have become the grand doctor figure being kind to a new recruit.

That was exactly what I was, of course, but I’d hoped for a very different outcome to the evening. We spent half an hour talking about people in the lanes, and then progressed to the hospital. He became passionate then and I glimpsed a man I could admire as he spoke about his work and hopes.

By nine o’clock he had me back outside the Dower House.

‘It was a pleasant evening, Kathy,’ he said offering me his hand. We shook hands as if we were polite strangers. ‘We must do it again one day.’

‘Yes. Thank you, Dr O’Rourke.’

He frowned, hesitated as though wanting to say more, then turned and walked off in the direction of the hospital. So that was that then! My heart flopped all the way to my boots as I stood watching him. He simply wasn’t interested in me as a woman. In fact he thought of me as a child.

Ally looked surprised when I walked in.

‘You’re back early? I thought you would be ages yet.’

‘I told you – it was just a friendly gesture. I’m a kid he used to see in the lane years ago.’

‘It’s that dress,’ Ally said. ‘It’s too young for you. I would’ve lent you something but mine wouldn’t fit.’

‘I don’t suppose it would have made any difference. He remembers me as a kid from down the lane and always will.’

‘Well, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. Sally says there’s a dance on next Saturday in the village hall. We’ll see if we can borrow a dress for you and we’ll all go.’

Ally’s attitude was the right one, of course. She seemed to have got over her personal worries for the time being, but I was still smarting from my disappointment that evening.

Eleanor Ross came up trumps over the dress. She was on duty that evening and gave me a choice of three, because, as she said, she wouldn’t be needing them herself.

‘I brought far too much with me,’ she told me with a wry look. ‘But maybe these will come in useful after all. Try them all on and see which one suits you best, Kathy.’

‘May I really?’

‘Yes, of course. I never say what I don’t mean. The green silk is lovely on, but the yellow brocade might suit you better. I’m not sure about the black.’

The black dress was fabulous, very slinky and cut close to the body. It had tiny shoulder straps, the bodice heavily beaded with jet. I knew at once that it suited me, but it was very sophisticated and so obviously expensive that I was afraid to choose it.

I finally settled on the green silk. It was a simple dress cut low on the shoulders with tiny puffed sleeves and a full skirt that just flirted above my ankles. No doubt it had cost almost as much as the black dress, but I sensed that Eleanor was pleased I hadn’t chosen her favourite.

‘That one looks really good on you, Kathy,’ she said. ‘We’re very much the same size but I could put a couple of tucks in the bodice for you.’

‘Won’t that spoil your dress for you?’

‘No – besides, you may want to borrow it again. I’ve got loads more at home.’

Eleanor had never made any secret of her father’s wealth, but it was hard to imagine anyone having a wardrobe full of clothes like these. I felt privileged to be wearing the green dress for the dance that evening, but a little anxious in case I should spoil it.

Several of the nurses and VADs were going as a group. Someone had fixed up a bus to take the party, and twenty of us piled into it. The men were mostly junior doctors, though there was also one of the porters and two flying officers, who had received burns to their faces and hands but were recovering now. The scars they would bear for the rest of their lives were terrible but the girls had all seen worse cases and no one took any notice. For these particular officers a dance in the village was the first step towards going home and a normal life.

One of them had become engaged to a nurse who had looked after him from the beginning. It was against the rules for nurses to marry, of course, but Julia Lane would be leaving when her fiancé was well enough to go home, and then they planned to marry. Their romance had pleased everyone, because in the midst of all the pain and suffering in the hospital it proved that life went on and sometimes people found happiness again.

We were certainly a merry group that evening, chattering and laughing all the way to the dance. Held in the village hall, it had been put on especially for the hospital crowd and the local people had taken trouble to decorate the place with flowers and streamers, making a rather dreary room look bright. A refreshment bar providing soft drinks, tea and beer had been set up at one end.

The dancing started as soon as we arrived, all the girls from the hospital finding themselves in great demand. Several men in uniform were present, having come from an Army base some ten miles away.

One young corporal introduced himself to me as Terry Cooke.

‘I haven’t seen you here before. Are you at the hospital?’

‘Yes, a very new recruit,’ I replied, responding instinctively to the admiring gleam in his eyes. ‘This is my first time at the dance.’

‘I’ve been several times. I’ve been stuck here for ages. I was out at the beginning but they shipped me back with a leg wound and I spend most of my time behind a desk now.’

‘Oh, poor you,’ I sympathized. ‘Have you asked for active service?’

‘Yes, but they say I’m useful where I am.’

I danced several times with Terry but he wasn’t my only partner. Eleanor’s dress seemed to have worked a little magic and I didn’t have to sit out one dance.

‘This is fun, isn’t it?’ Ally said, her cheeks pink with a flush of excitement. ‘I’m enjoying myself.’

She hadn’t sat down all the evening either, and I noticed she also danced with Terry Cooke several times.

It was such fun that I didn’t notice Tom O’Rourke arrive. I didn’t even know he was there until I heard his voice speaking my name.

‘You look wonderful this evening, Kathy.’ I turned to face him, my heart racing. He was so attractive and he made me feel so odd – alive and excited. His eyes went over me with obvious approval. ‘That dress really suits you – makes you look grown up.’

My pleasure faded as swiftly as it had flared. How dare he be so patronizing? If the dress was all that he found attractive then it wasn’t me he was complimenting.

‘Eleanor Ross lent it to me for the evening. I could never afford anything like this. I’m just Kathy Cole from the lanes – the scruffy kid your sister took pity on sometimes. If I look different tonight it’s just an illusion.’

The tone of my voice was harsh and he looked startled, as if wondering what he’d done to annoy me. I was about to apologize, then something made me draw back.

‘Excuse me. I promised this dance to someone.’

My head held high, I walked away from him. I wasn’t sure why I felt so angry with him but his attitude had touched a raw spot. I didn’t want to be treated as if I were still that kid from the lanes. I was training to be a nurse and people had to accept me for what I was now. No one else thought of me as a child – so why should Tom O’Rourke?

For the rest of the evening I studiously avoided looking in his direction. It was easy enough to ignore him because I never lacked for a partner and I was having a lovely time. I didn’t even mind when Ally told me about the gorgeous girl he’d brought to the dance.

‘She was really lovely. Not from the hospital, though. I’ve never seen her before anyway.’

No – nor have I,’ I admitted, acknowledging that I had noticed them dancing despite my efforts not to.

‘She’s not from your way then?’

‘No. At least I don’t know her.’

She looked much too sophisticated and well dressed to be from our way, and was obviously far more Tom O’Rourke’s type than I could ever be.

It shouldn’t have bothered me one way or the other, but as I lay in bed that night I couldn’t help wondering about the very attractive young woman Dr O’Rourke had brought with him. With someone like that as a partner it was hardly likely that he would be impressed by me, even in my borrowed dress.

Over the next days and weeks I struggled to dismiss Tom O’Rourke from my mind. It had been foolish of me to feel humiliated by a remark that was probably meant well, and there had never been a chance for me anyway. Gossip was rife in the hospital and most people said the romance between Dr O’Rourke and Barbara Retford was serious.

‘Eleanor was disappointed,’ Ally told me over supper one evening. ‘Apparently she fancied him herself.’

‘Well, she stood more of a chance than I did,’ I said. ‘He liked her taste in clothes better than mine.’

‘Apparently Babs Retford is the daughter of a consultant he trained under. They’ve known each other for ages. The word is that they plan to get married in the summer.’

Ally was a mine of information. She went out most evenings when she wasn’t on duty and seemed to have settled for friendship rather than romance. Mike’s letters had begun to arrive regularly now and she had stopped worrying over him – at least she didn’t say much these days.

Billy Ryan’s mother forwarded a postcard to me from him. I’d sent him a couple of long, newsy letters but his card didn’t mention them, merely saying he was all right and hoped I was. Gran had replied to my letter to her but hadn’t written again, but then, I knew she wasn’t good at things like that. She would probably need a little help to read the letters I sent her, and I thought she might take them to Bridget O’Rourke – which was why I always told her about all the fun I was having. Not that Bridget would tell her brother, of course.

It was silly of me to feel jealous of his lovely girlfriend, but I couldn’t help it and I was relieved when he didn’t bring her to the dance in the village a month later. He didn’t come at all, and I heard that he had been transferred to another hospital; there was a rumour that he might have gone to France, but no one seemed to know for sure. He certainly hadn’t bothered to say goodbye to me – but then, why should he? I hadn’t exactly encouraged a friendship between us.

So that was the end of any hopes I might have had concerning the good-looking Dr O’Rourke. After a few weeks I discovered that I could laugh at myself. It was silly of me to have fancied him in the first place. The best thing I could do was to put him out of my mind and get on with the job I was paid for!

I had my choice of young men willing to take me out if I wanted, though more often than not I chose to stay in and read a book or talk to my friends. Quite often I lingered in the canteen in the evenings, where Eleanor Ross joined me. I had come to like her a lot, and to discover that she wasn’t at all the spoiled darling of a rich father Ally thought her.

Ally still didn’t like her, and I noticed that sparks flew each time they met. They didn’t actually have a flaming row, but Ally was always picking at her, seeming as if she couldn’t leave her alone.

Eleanor and I sat cross-legged on my bed, sharing a bottle of wine, one evening. Ally was on the night shift, and Sally had gone out for the evening. We had both agreed that we were too tired to go anywhere, and Eleanor had suggested she bring a bottle of wine up so that we could spend some time together.

‘This was a good idea of yours,’ I said. ‘And this wine is delicious, better than anything I’ve had before.’

Eleanor smiled. ‘I thought you would like it – it’s a good medium French white, not too sweet and not too dry.’

‘Well, I definitely approve.’ I held my glass out for more. ‘It’s always port and lemon for the ladies where I come from, but from now on I’m a wine drinker.’

‘And just the weeniest bit tipsy,’ Eleanor said gurgling with affectionate laughter. ‘Oh, it is good to unwind sometimes, isn’t it, Kathy?’

‘Yes. I’m enjoying myself.’

‘Do you ever think what you’ll do when this dreadful war is over?’

‘I’m not sure. I might get married – or I might stay on in nursing. What are you going to do, Eleanor?’

‘I don’t think I want to marry, not for years and years anyway. I’ve never met a man I wanted to go to bed with for the rest of my life – although I’ve seen a few I wouldn’t mind having the occasional romp with in the hayloft.’

I giggled. The wine was doing its work and I didn’t feel in the least shocked by her revelations. ‘You’re wicked, do you know that?’

‘Yes, of course,’ she agreed, her eyes bright with mischief. ‘My father was afraid I was going to disgrace the family, that’s why he packed me off here, of course.’

‘I’m sure it wasn’t.’

‘There isn’t much love lost between us, Kathy.’ For a moment sadness flickered in her eyes. ‘I respect him, but he isn’t a love-able man.’

‘My father isn’t easy to love either, but Gran is wonderful. She’s been like a mother to me.’ I looked at Eleanor as she fondled her wineglass. ‘Is there anyone you really love, Eleanor?’

‘Yes, there is one person,’ she said and her face took on a new softness. ‘My cousin Mary. If I love anyone, I love Mary. She’s sweet and good and … well, best not to say too much. I just love her.’

‘It’s good to love someone.’

‘And to have good friends like you, Kathy.’ She touched her glass to mine. ‘To love and friendship, may they continue forever …’

I echoed her toast and sipped my wine. Eleanor had seemed to have everything with her expensive clothes and money of her own, but I sensed that deep down she wasn’t any more confident about the future than either Ally or me.

‘I’ve been waiting for this for ages!’ Ally cried, a note of excitement in her voice. ‘My mother is dying to meet you, Kathy. I’ve told her all about you in my letters.’

‘I’ve been looking forward to this too,’ I said, smiling at her as she grabbed her case and jumped down from the bus. ‘I can’t believe it’s more than eight months since we met.’

‘That’s because we don’t have time to breathe let alone think,’ she said and laughed. ‘But now we’ve got four whole days to do exactly as we like.’

It was the first leave we’d been able to take together, though both of us had had a weekend in between. I’d stayed at the hospital, taking walks to the village and spending time lazing by the river, but Ally had gone home on the train.

Her mother saw us from the window and was waiting to greet us. She hugged her daughter and then turned to me. We started to shake hands politely, and then she grabbed me and hugged me to her ample bosom.

‘I feel I know you, Kathy. Ally has written so much about her friend.’

‘I hope it was good,’ I quipped and she smiled.

‘I think you’ve been good for her, Kathy. She says you’re much better than she is at all kinds of things.’

‘I’m no better than Ally, she just thinks I am, because I got good marks in the exam we took last month. We’re both trying very hard to learn all they have to teach us, but it’s hard to take it all in.’

‘Yes, I am sure it is,’ she said. ‘Ally’s father and I are very proud of her and I’m sure your family must be proud of you, Kathy.’

‘I haven’t heard from Gran in a while,’ I said. ‘I think perhaps I ought to pop over one day on the Tube and see how she is …’

‘That’s a good idea,’ she replied. ‘But come in, my dear, sit down and have a good rest. I’ve got the kettle on and your dinner will be ready in a minute. From what Ally tells me you must both be starving.’

It was warm and welcoming in Ally’s house. Her parents were kind, generous people and I settled in straight away.

Ally and I went shopping together, and Ally helped me choose two new dresses – one for afternoons and the other for dances and parties. The evening dress wasn’t as impressive as Eleanor’s, of course, but it suited me and I felt comfortable in it.

‘I’ve never had so many new things,’ I said as we went back to Ally’s home our arms full of parcels. ‘I feel terribly extravagant for spending all that money.’

I had bought a couple of small presents for Gran, and I intended to give her some money when I visited the next day, but I had spent most of the wages I’d been saving on my new clothes, and I was really pleased with my purchases.

I was wearing a new skirt and blouse under my jacket when I walked up the lane the following morning. It was nearly spring again – the spring of 1918 – and the weather was mild, the sun making the lanes seem less dreary than usual. I’d asked Ally to come with me but she said it might be better if I went alone, and in my heart I was relieved. I wasn’t sure what kind of a reception I might get at home if my father happened to be around.

As I approached the house, I saw Bridget O’Rourke coming out of the front door. She looked surprised, then smiled and waited for me to reach her, giving me a quick kiss of greeting on the cheek.

‘Your Gran will be so pleased you’ve come,’ she said. ‘She’s had a bit of a chill. I wanted to write to you, but she wouldn’t let me – she’s all right now, though, so don’t worry.’

‘Was she very ill?’

‘Not at all,’ Gran said coming to the open door. She had heard our voices and was beaming with pleasure. ‘Bridget fusses too much, lass. I’m fine and there was no need to trouble you – with you being so busy and having such a good time with all your friends.’

‘Tom said they work the girls hard,’ Bridget said. ‘I doubt Kathy has much time to go out with friends.’

‘Oh, we get out now and then,’ I replied, a faint flush in my cheeks. ‘I had a drink with your brother once, Bridget. How is he?’

‘In high fettle. He has been in France working in a field hospital for a few months. It was what he wanted all the time, you know, but they wouldn’t give him the chance, and then they happened to need a doctor with his specialist knowledge in burns and they flew him out. He’s managed to stay on there until now, but he says they are sending him back soon.’

‘Oh, I expect he will be disappointed.’ I avoided looking at her. ‘Is he coming back to our hospital?’

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