All through the hospital...magic was stirring

It might be Christmas, but Dr. Katie McGann would prefer to bury her head in her work than celebrate. Until her estranged husband Dr. Josh West strides into the ER, turning heads and making her heart flip.

Two years ago their world and their dreams ended, and they had to part. But Josh vowed never to stop fighting for his wife, and with the clock about to strike midnight he knows he has one last chance to heal Katie’s heart...one kiss under the mistletoe at a time.

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for coming along to The Nightshift Before Christmas. I realise I have said this before—but this book really, really ate my heart alive when I was writing it. Josh and Katie were so real to me that my friends began to wonder if I actually knew them!

I don’t want to give anything away at this point, but the loss they have each suffered is something I can imagine might too easily define a person. Grief is a strange beast, and it can shape-shift even the strongest of people into someone even they don’t recognise themselves. Coming out of the fog of initial grief and back into ‘the world of the living’ is often overwhelming—especially if you don’t have the one you love most by your side.

This is such a journey. One in which the gorgeous Josh and the heartbreakingly wonderful Katie are just trying so hard to live again—despite all that has happened to them. I hope you are as swept away as I was as they quest for their HEA in a busy mountainside hospital in Copper Canyon. And at Christmas! I do love a good holiday story, don’t you? Just perfect for a little miracle of the L.O.V.E. variety.

Happy (Ever After) Holidays to you! And don’t be shy about getting in touch. I can be reached at annie@annieoneilbooks.com or on Twitter @AnnieONeilBooks.

Annie O’ Xx

The Nightshift Before Christmas

Annie O’Neil

www.millsandboon.co.uk

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ANNIE O’NEIL spent most of her childhood with her leg draped over the family rocking chair and a book in her hand. Novels, baking and writing too much teenage angst poetry ate up most of her youth. Now Annie splits her time between corralling her husband into helping her with their cows, baking, reading, barrel racing (not really!) and spending some very happy hours at her computer, writing.

Books by Annie O’Neil

Mills & Boon Medical Romance

The Monticello Baby Miracles

One Night, Twin Consequences

The Surgeon’s Christmas Wish

The Firefighter to Heal Her Heart

Doctor...to Duchess?

One Night...with Her Boss

London’s Most Eligible Doctor

Visit the Author Profile page at millsandboon.co.uk for more titles.

This one’s for my guy. You’re my Christmas, birthday and HEA all wrapped up into one handsome, blue-eyed Scottish package. Wifey xx

Praise for Annie O’Neil

‘This is a beautifully written story that will pull you in from page one and keep you up late and turning the pages.’

—Goodreads on

Doctor...to Duchess?

Annie O’Neil won the 2016 RoNA Rose Award for her book Doctor...to Duchess?

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Dear Reader

Title Page

About the Author

Dedication

Praise

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

EPILOGUE

Extract

Copyright

CHAPTER ONE

“OKAY, PEOPLE! LISTEN UP, it’s the start of silly season!”

“I thought that was Halloween?”

“Or every full moon!”

“First snowfall?”

“Hey, Doc? Is that where your locum tenens is? Stuck in one of the drifts?”

“He won’t last long in Copper Canyon if that’s the case. A man needs snow tires.”

“A woman just needs common sense! I follow the snowplows! Got them tracked on my phone!”

Copper Canyon’s Emergency Department filled with laughter. Impressive, considering they were down to a quality but skeleton staff. Never mind the fact it was almost always one of the busiest weeks of the year. The town was full of holiday visitors and the ski resort up the hill always had an emergency or six their small clinic couldn’t handle.

Katie scanned the motley crew who would see her through Christmas Eve and, for some double-shifters, into the Big Day itself. Valley Hospital was no Boston General, and that was just the way Katie liked it. The facility was big enough to have all the fancy equipment, small enough to be able to give the personal touch to just about everyone who walked through those doors. And if they needed an extra hand, there were always the emergency services guys up on the mountain, willing to lend a hand. It wasn’t home yet...but she’d get there.

“Thank you, peanut gallery. Time to focus.” Katie tried her best to smile at the small but vital crew, all visibly buzzing with Christmas cheer. It wasn’t their fault she wanted to rip every bauble, snowman and glittery snowflake from the walls. Someone else took that prize. “Thanks for wearing your red and green scrubs, by the way—you all look very...festive.”

“Who doesn’t love Christmas, Doc?” a tinsel-bedecked RN quipped.

Me.

“Right!” Katie soldiered on. They were used to her grumpy face—no need for Christmas to morph her into a jolly, stethoscope-wearing elf. “Just in time for the lunchtime rush, I’ve got our first Christmas mystery X-ray!”

A smattering of applause and cheers went up as she worked her way through the dozen or so staff and slapped the X-ray up on the glowing board with a flourish.

“Any guesses?”

“Why would anyone stick one of those up their—?”

“I know! Especially at Christmas.”

“At least it’s not a turkey thermometer. We had one of those last year. Perforated the intestine!”

The group collectively sucked in a breath. Ouch.

“C’mon, Dr. McGann, that’s too easy. Give us a hard one!”

“All right, then.” She turned to face the cocky resident. “If it’s so easy, what’s your guess?”

“Cookie cutter?”

Katie winced and shook her head.

“Nope. Good guess, though. Try again.”

She joined the staff in tipping their heads first in one direction then the other. It wasn’t that tough...

“Tree decoration. Six-pointed snowflake. My Gramma Jam-Jam used to have one. It was my wife’s favorite.”

Katie’s body went rigid with shock as the rest of the staff turned to see who the newcomer to the group was. She didn’t need to turn around. She didn’t need to imagine who or what Gramma Jam-Jam’s tree was like. She’d helped decorate a freshly cut fir in her old-fashioned living room as many times as she had fingers on a hand.

As her thumb moved to check that the most important finger was still bare, waves of emotion began to strike her entire body in near-physical blows. She willed her racing heart to still itself, but every sensory particle within her was responding to the one voice in the world that could morph her by turns into a wreck, a googly-eyed teen, a blushing bride...

Dr. Joshua West. Her ex-husband.

Well. He would be her ex if he would ever sign the blinking divorce papers!

She couldn’t even manage to turn around and look at him, and yet her body was already on high alert to his presence. He was close. Too close.

She heard a shifting of feet. Maybe it was one of the nurses... Maybe it was... Her eyes closed for a moment.

Yup. There it was. That perfectly singular Josh scent. The man smelled of sunshine. What was up with that? It was the dead of winter. Freezing-cold, snowing-right-now winter. And yet she could smell warm sunny days and the rural lifestyle only her husband—her ex-husband!—could turn into something delicious. Talk about evocative! One whiff of that man had never failed to bring out her inner jungle cat. From all the excitement swing-dancing around her chest cavity in preparation for a high dive down to her...nethergarden...it was clear the cat had been in hibernation for some time.

Her spine did a little shimmy, as if she already didn’t get the point.

She did a laser-fast mental scan of her medical books. Maybe her body was trying to tell her something different!

Frisson or fear?

Her tongue sneaked out and gave her lower lip a surreptitious lick.

Guess that answers that, then.

How could that rich voice of his still have a physical effect on her? Hadn’t two years apart been enough to make her immune to the sweet thrill twirling along her insides every time she heard him whisper sweet—?

“Nice to see you, Katiebird.”

Don’t even start to go there! She took a decidedly large step away from Josh. Sweet or not, they’d been nothings in the end.

“Right, everybody! Let’s get these patients better.”

Katie clapped her hands together—more to prove to herself that she had her back-to-work hat on than anything else. That, and she didn’t want anybody around to witness the showdown she was certain was coming.

The group dispersed back to their posts, with a couple of interns still marveling over the human body’s ability to deal with the unnatural. Precisely what Katie was experiencing at this exact moment. Fighting a natural instinct. Every time she laid eyes on Josh it was like receiving a healing salve. Her eyes were still glued to the X-ray, but she knew if she only turned her head she was just a blink away from perfection.

She sucked in a breath. Not anymore! No one and nothing was picture-perfect. Life had a cruel way of teaching that lesson.

“Are you ever going to turn around?”

His words tickled her ear again. The man clearly didn’t believe in personal space when his wife was trying to divorce him.

“Are you going to tell me what you’re doing here?” Katie wheeled round as she spoke. Her breath was all but sucked straight out of her as she met those slate-blue eyes she’d fallen so deeply in love with. It had been a long time since she’d last seen them up close and personal. A really long time.

She fought the sharp sting of tears as she gave a quick shake of her head and readjusted her pose. She could do nonchalant while her world was being rocked to its very core. She was a McGann, for goodness’ sake! McGanns were cool, analytical, exacting. At least that was what she’d told herself when her parents had swanned off to another party in lieu of spending time with their only daughter. McGanns were the polar opposite of the West family. The Wests were unruly, wayward, irresponsible! Invigoratingly original, passionate, loyal...

Her teeth caught her lower lip and bit down hard as her brain began to realign the Josh in her head with the one standing in front of her. Thick, sandy-blond hair, still a bit wild on top and curling round his ears, softening the edges of his shirt collar. No tie. Typical Josh. He rarely did formal, but when he did...

She swallowed and flicked her eyes back up to his hair to miss out on the little V of chest she knew would be visible. No hat. Natch. Why follow the same advice you’d give your patients? There were a few flakes of snow begging to be ruffled out of the soft waves. Her fingers twitched. The number of times she had tucked a wayward strand back behind one of his ears and given in to the urge to drop completely out-of-character sultry kisses along his neck...

No! And double, triple, infinity no! No Josh West. Not anymore!

“Didn’t the agency tell you?”

The expression on his face told her he knew damn well it hadn’t told her. The twinkle in his eye told her he was enjoying watching the steam beginning to blow out of her ears. Typical. He always had been spectacular at winding her up and then bringing her to a whole other plane of happy—

Stop it, Katie McGann. You are not falling under his spell again.

“Tell me what?”

“No need to grind your teeth, darlin’.” He tsked gently. “It’ll give you a headache.”

“Headache?” Maddening and headache-inducing didn’t even begin to cover the effect he was having on her. “Try migraine.”

“Good thing I’m around, then.”

He gave her one of those slow-motion winks that had a naughty tendency to bring out the...the naughty in her.

“Those things can knock you out flat.”

An image of a shirtless Josh slowly lowering himself onto her...into her...blinded Katie for an instant. The muscled arms, the tanned chest, slate eyes gone almost gray with desire and lips shifting into that lazy smile of his—the one that always brought her nerves down a notch when she needed a bit of reassurance.

She scrunched her eyes tight and when she opened them again there it was in full-blown 3-D. The smile that could light up an entire room.

“Josh, I can’t do this right now. Our locum hasn’t bothered to show, and as you can see—” her arms curled protectively around herself as the sliding doors opened to admit a young man with a child “—I’m busy. Working,” she added, as if he didn’t quite get the picture.

Never mind the fact he’d come top in the class above hers at med school, so clearly had brains to spare. Or the little part about how she was standing there in a lab coat in the middle of an ER. A bit of a dead giveaway. Urgh! If she used coarse language, a veritable stream of the colorful stuff would be pouring forth! Why was he just standing there? Grinning?

“What’s the game here, Josh? Yuletide Torture? Our last Christmas together wasn’t horrific enough for you?”

His expression sobered in an instant. She’d overstepped the mark. There was no need to be cruel. They’d both borne their fair share of grief. Grinding it in deep wasn’t necessary. They would feel the weight of their mutual loss in the very core of their hearts until they each stopped beating. Longer if such a thing was possible. Forgetting was impossible. Surviving was. But only just. Which was exactly why she needed him to leave. Now.

“Sorry, Kitty-Kat. You’re stuck with me. I’m your locum tenens.”

To explain why he was late for his first shift, Josh could have told Katie how his car had spun out on some black ice on the way in, despite it being a 4x4 he drove, and the all-weather tires he’d had put on especially, but from her widened eyes and set expression he could see she had enough information to deal with. The latest “Josh incident,” as she liked to call his brushes with disaster, could be kept for another time.

“No. No, I’m sorry, Josh—that’s not possible. We can’t...”

He heard the catch in her voice and had to force himself to stay put. In his arms was where his wife belonged when she was hurting, but it was easy enough to see it was the last place she wanted to be.

He flexed his hands a few times to try and shake the urge. With Katie right there, so close he could smell her perfume... It would be futile, of course, but one thing people could always say about Josh West—he was a man who never had a problem with attempting the impossible. How else could he have won Katie McGann’s heart? Cool East Coast ice princess falling in love with the son of a Tennessee ranch manager, scraping his way through med school with every scholarship and part-time job he could get his callused hands on? It was when he’d finally got his hands on her—man, they’d shaken the first time—he’d known the word “soulmates” wasn’t a fiction.

“Dr. McGann?”

Both their heads turned at the nurse’s call, and the strength it took to keep his expression neutral would have put a circus strongman out of work.

So. Katie had gone back to her maiden name.

Another nail in the coffin for his big plan, or just another one of Katie’s ways of ignoring the fact they belonged together? That everything that had happened to them had been awful—but survivable. Even more so if they were together.

“Can you take this one? Arterial bleed to an index finger. He says it’s been pumping for a while. Shannon’s in with him now.” The nurse held out a chart for her to read.

“Absolutely, Jorja. How long’s a while?” Katie asked, taking the three strides to the central ER counter while scanning the chart, nodding at the extra information the charge nurse supplied her.

Josh took the chance to give his wife a handful of once-overs—and one more for good measure. It had been some time since his eyes had run up those long legs of hers. Too long. He’d been an idiot to leave it so long, but she had been good at playing hide-and-seek and he’d had his own dragons to slay. A small flash of inspiration had finally led him to Copper Canyon—the one place he’d left unexplored.

He stuffed his hands into the downy pockets of his old snowboarding coat, fingers curling in and out against the length of his palms. Laying his eyes on her for the first time in two years was hitting him hard. She’d changed. Not unrecognizably—but the young woman he’d fallen in love with had well and truly grown up. Still beautiful, but—he couldn’t deny it—with a bit of an edge. Was this true Katie surfacing after the years they’d spent together? Or just another mask to deal with the disappointments and sorrows life had thrown at them in the early days of their marriage?

Gone was the preppy New England look. And in its stead... He didn’t even know where to begin. Was this Idaho chic? Since when did his Katie wear knee-high biker boots, formfitting tartan skirts in dark purple and black with dark-as-the-night turtlenecks? Yeah, they would be practical in this wintry weather, but it was a far cry from the pastels and conservative clothes she’d favored back in Boston. The new look was sexy.

A hit of jealousy socked him in the solar plexus. She hadn’t... He suddenly felt like a class-A idiot for not even considering the possibility. She hadn’t moved on. Not his Katie. Had she...?

His eyes shot up the length of her legs to the plaid skirt and then up to her trim waistline, irritatingly hidden by the lab coat. His eyes jagged along her hands, seeking out her ring finger. Still bare. He would never forget the moment she’d ripped off her rings and slapped them onto the kitchen counter. Throwing had been far too melodramatic for his self-controlled wife. The word “Enough!” had rung in his ears for weeks afterward. Months.

He exhaled. Okay. The bare finger wasn’t proof positive she wasn’t seeing someone else, but it was something. He scraped a hand through his mess of a hairdo, wishing he’d taken a moment to pop into a barber’s. But he hadn’t worried a jot about what he’d looked like over the past two years, let alone worried about impressing another woman. From the moment he’d laid eyes on Katie to the moment she’d hightailed it out of his life—their life—he’d known there was only one woman in the world for him. And here she was—doing her pea-pickin’ best to ignore him.

His eyes traveled up to her face as she scanned the chart, listening to the nurse. He knew that expression like the back of his hand. Intent, focused. Her brain would be spinning away behind those dark brown eyes of hers to come to the best solution—for both the patient and the hospital, but mostly the patient. One of the many traits he loved about her. Patients first. Politics later. Because there were always politics in a hospital. He knew that more than most. It was why staying at Boston General hadn’t worked out so well. Why a new job in Paris just might be the ticket he needed to wade out of that sorry old pit of misery he’d been wallowing in.

But he wasn’t going anywhere until he knew Katie was well and truly over him. He checked his watch. Seven days to find out if she was cold-or warm-blooded. It ended at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. He’d either hand her a plane ticket or the divorce papers. He sucked in a fortifying breath of Katie’s perfume. Mmm... Still sweeter than a barn full of new summer hay.

Well, then. He gave his chin a scrub and grinned. Best get started.

CHAPTER TWO

“WHAT YOU GOT THERE?” Josh stepped up to the desk, shrugging off his jacket as he approached. Out of the corner of her eye Katie could see Jorja’s lips reshape into an O. Josh—or rather his body—had that effect on women. It was why she’d never thought she’d stood a chance. People always mistook her shyness for being stuck-up. But Josh had seen straight through the veneer and gone directly to her heart.

He turned his Southern drawl up a notch. He could do that, too. Pick and choose when to play the Southern gent or drop it if he saw it detracted from his incredibly sharp mind.

“Dr. McGann, may I help keep you out of the fray while you sort out the big picture?”

Katie eyed him warily for a second, then made a decision. By the hint of a smile that bloomed on his lips she could see it was the one he had been hoping for.

He would stay.

Never mind the fact that showing up on Christmas Eve when they were a doctor down wasn’t giving her much of a choice. She had it in her to kick him the hell outta Dodge, if that was where he needed booting. But right now there were patients to see, and pragmatism always trumped personal.

“Twenty-five-year-old male presented with an arterial cut to the bone on his index finger.” She tapped the chart with her own.

“Turkey?”

“Ham. Too easy for the likes of you.”

She pressed the chart to her chest, claiming it as her own. Katie let her eyes travel along all six feet three inches of her ex. Josh had always been a trauma hotshot. And he’d always looked good. She’d steered clear of the Boston General gossip train, so didn’t really know what path he’d chosen professionally after she’d left, but personally nothing had changed in the looks department. He still looked good. She looked away.

Too good.

“You’re the next one down.” She pulled the X-ray down from the lightboard and passed it to him with a smirk. “Make your Gramma Jam-Jam proud. You can put your stuff in my office for now—the staff lockers are further down the corridor and this patient’s been waiting too long as it is.”

She tipped her head toward a glassed-in cubicle a few yards away. Josh took advantage of the broken eye contact to soak in some more of the “New Katie” look. Her super-short, über-chic new haircut suited her. It sure made her look different. Good different, though. No longer the shy twenty-one-year-old he’d first spied devouring a stack of anatomy books in the university library, a thick chestnut braid shifting from shoulder to shoulder as she studied.

He cleared his throat. Whimsical trips down memory lane weren’t helping.

“Green or red scrubs,” she added, pointing to a room just beyond her office.

“You always liked me in blue.”

The set of her jaw told him to button it.

“Green or red,” she repeated firmly. “The patients like it. It’s Christmas.” She handed him the single-page chart with a leaden glare and turned to the nurse. “Jorja MacLeay, this is Dr. West, our locum tenens over the next few days. See that he’s made welcome. His security pass should expire on the first of January.”

“At the end of the day?” Jorja asked hopefully.

“The beginning. The very beginning,” Katie replied decisively, before turning and calling out her patient’s name.

He flashed a smile in the nurse’s direction, lifted up his worn duffel bag to show her he was just going to unload it before getting to work. The smile he received in return showed him he had an ally. She shot a mischievous glance at his retreating wife and beckoned him toward the central desk.

“Don’t mind her,” Jorja stage-whispered. “A kitten, really. Just a grumpy kitten at Christmas.” She shrugged off her boss’s mysterious moodiness with a grin. “As long as she knows you’ve got your eye on the ball, she’s cool.”

Josh nodded and gave the counter an affirmative rap. “Got it. Cool. Calm. Collected. And Christmassy!” he finished with a cheesy grin.

“Says here you’re double-shifting.”

“You bet. Where else would a fellow want to see in Christmas morning?”

Jorja laughed. “Cookies are in the staff room down the hall if you need a sugar push to get you through the night. Canteen’s shut and the vending company forgot to fill up the machines, so there might be a brawl over the final bag of chips come midnight!”

“Count me in! I love a good arm-wrestling session. Especially if the chips are the crinkly kind. I love those.”

“I can guarantee you’ll have a fun night...at least with most of us.” She shot a furtive look down the corridor to ensure Katie was out of earshot and scrunched her face and shoulders up into a silent “oops” shrug when Josh raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“You two don’t know each other or anything, do you?”

“We’ve met.” It was all Josh would allow.

It was up to Katie if she wanted to flesh things out. He’d been the only crossover she’d allowed between personal and professional and he doubted she had changed in that department. She was one of the most private people he had ever met, and when news of what had happened to them had been all but Tannoyed across Boston General, it had been tough. Coal-pit-digging tough.

Jorja giggled nervously and flushed. “Sorry! Dr. McGann is great. We all love her. The ER always runs the smoothest when she’s on shift.”

Josh just smiled. His girl always strove to achieve the best and ended up ahead of the game at all turns. Except that night. She’d been blindsided. They both had.

He shook off the thought and waved his thanks to Jorja. First impressions? Young to be a charge nurse. Twenty-something, maybe. She struck him as a nurse who would stay the course. Not everyone who worked in Emergency did. She was young, enthusiastic. A nice girl if first impressions were anything to go by.

He’d gone with his gut when he’d met Katie. Made a silent vow she would be his wife one day. It had taken him a while, but he’d got there in the end. And today the vow still hit him as powerfully as the day they’d made good on a whim to elope. Five years, two months and fourteen days of wedded... He sighed. Even he couldn’t stretch to “bliss.” Not with the dice they’d been handed.

He thought of the divorce papers stuffed inside his duffel bag. There was only one way Katie could ever convince him to sign them. Prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she felt absolutely nothing for him anymore. He gave a little victory air punch. So far he’d seen nothing to indicate she would be able to get him to scrawl his signature on those cursed papers tonight.

Just the shift of her shoulders when she’d heard his voice had told him everything he needed to know. She could change her name, her hair and even her dress sense if she wanted to—but he knew in his soul that time hadn’t changed how his wife felt about him. No matter how bad things had become. She couldn’t hate without love. And when she’d finally turned round to face him there had been sparks in her eyes.

* * *

Katie stuffed her head into the stack of blankets and screamed. For all she was worth she screamed. And then she screamed some more. Silent, aching, wishing-you-could-hollow-yourself-out-it-hurt-so-bad screams. There was no point in painting a pretty picture in these precious moments alone.

Seeing Josh again was dredging up everything she had only just managed to squeeze a lid on. Just. In fact, that lid had probably still been a little bit open because, judging by the hot tears she discovered pouring down her face when she finally came up for air, she was going to have to face the fact there was never going to be a day when the loss of their baby didn’t threaten to rip her in half.

What was he thinking? That he could saunter into her ER as if it were just any old hospital on any old day? With that slow, sweet smile of his melting hearts in its wake? She’d not missed the nurses trying to catch his eye. Jorja’s giggles had trilled down the hallway after she’d stomped off. Josh did that to people. Brought out the laughter, the smiles, the flirtation. The Josh Effect, she’d always laughingly called it. Back when she’d laughed freely. Heaven knew, she’d fallen under his spell. Hook, line and sunk. If only she’d known how far into the depths of sorrow she’d fall when she lost her heart to him, she would have steered clear.

She swatted away her tears and sank to the floor of the supplies cupboard, using her thumbs to try and massage away the emotion. Her patient was going to be wondering where she was, so she was going to have to pull herself together. Shock didn’t even begin to cover what she’d felt when Josh had walked into her ER. Love, pain, desire, hurt...those could kick things off pretty nicely.

“Of all the ERs in all the world, he had to walk into this one.”

Talking to herself. That was a new one to add to her list of growing eccentricities. Maybe she should have fostered some of those friendships she’d left behind in Boston.

“Sounds like the start of a pretty good movie.” Josh’s legs moved into her peripheral vision as his voice filled her ears.

“More like the end of one.”

“No, that’s the start of a beautiful friendship.”

“Well—well...” She trailed off. Playing movie quotation combat with Josh was always a bad idea.

She huffed out a frustrated sigh. Couldn’t she just get a minute alone? She should have gone to the roof. No one went there in the winter, and she relished the moments of quiet, the twinkle of Copper Canyon’s Main Street. She swiped her hands across her cheeks again, wishing the motion could remove the crimson heat she felt burning in them. Against her better judgment she whirled on him and tried another retort.

“Should I have said ‘of all the stalkers in all the world’?”

“Oh, so going to the supplies cupboard to track down some mandated holiday scrubs has turned me into a stalker, has it?” he asked good-naturedly.

The five-year-old in her wanted to say yes and throw a good old-fashioned tantrum. The jumping-up-and-down kind. The pounding-of-the-fists kind. The Why me? Why you? kind. The Katie who’d shored up enough strength to finally call their marriage to a halt knew better. Knew it would only give Josh the fuel he wanted to add to a fire she could never put out.

She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much she still cared. That had been his problem all along. Too trusting that everything would be all right when time and time again the world had shown him the opposite was true. Who else had become an adrenaline junkie after their daughter had been stillborn? Hadn’t he known how dangerous everything he’d been doing was? And she’d always been the one who’d had to pick up the pieces, apply the bandages, ice the black eyes, realign the broken nose... Trying her best to laugh it off like he did when all she’d wanted to do was curl up in a corner and weep.

Couldn’t he see she had to play it safe? That losing their daughter had scared her to her very marrow? If she were ever to feel brave enough to move forward—let alone try and conceive again—he needed to call off his game of tug-of-war with mortality.

She scratched her nails along the undersides of her legs before standing up, using the pain to distract herself from doing what she really wanted.

“Large or extra-large?” she bit out.

“Guess that depends on if you need me to play Santa later.” He grabbed a pillow from a shelf and stuck it up his shirt.

Without bothering to examine the results, Katie yanked a pair of extra-large scrubs from a nearby shelf. Not because she needed a Santa but because she didn’t need to see how well he filled out the scrubs. The first time they’d met—woof! And she was no dog owner.

The first time they’d met... He said it had been in the library, but she was convinced to this day that he’d made it up. The day she’d first seen him—easily standing out in a crowd of junior residents, all kitted out in a set of formfitting scrubs—his eyes had alighted on her as if he’d just gained one-on-one access to the Mona Lisa herself... Mmm... That moment would be imprinted on her mind forever... She’d never let anyone get under her skin—but she’d been powerless to resist when it had come to Josh.

“Green! Good to see you remember red always makes my complexion look a bit blotchy.”

Katie blew a raspberry at him. She wasn’t playing.

“Or is it that you remember green always brings out the blue in my eyes?” He winked and took hold of the scrubs, trapping her hand beneath his.

Just feeling his touch reawakened things in Katie she had hoped she’d long-ago laid to rest. Her eyes lifted to meet his. Stormy sea-gray right now. Later... He was right. Later they’d be blue, and later still the color of flint. She had loved looking into his eyes, never knowing what to expect, trying to figure out how to describe the kaleidoscope of blues and grays, ever-shifting...ever true.

As the energy between them grew taut, the butterflies that had long lain dormant in her belly took flight, leaving heated tendrils in their wake. She tugged her hand free of his and gave him a curt smile. Physical contact with Josh was going to have to be verboten if she was going to keep it together for the next eight days. It was bad enough he’d seen her red-rimmed eyes.

She glanced at her watch.

T-minus...oh, about one hundred and ninety-two hours and counting!

“Twenty-four hours.”

“Beg pardon?” Josh shook his head.

Hadn’t he been riding the same train of thought she had? If she’d gone off on a magical journey down memory lane, the chances were relatively high he’d done the same thing. Different tracks—different destinations.

She cleared her throat. There was about half an ounce of resolve left within her and she needed to use it. “I’m giving you twenty-four hours.”

He raised his eyebrows and gave her his What gives? face.

“Oh, don’t play the fool, Josh. You’ve ambushed me. Pure and simple. And on—” She stopped, only just missing having her voice break. “It’s the minimum notice I have to give the agency if I want a replacement.”

“What are you on about, Kitty-Kat?” He pulled himself up to his full height. Josh always played fair and he could see straight through her. This was a below-the-belt move.

She jigged a nothing-to-do-with-me shrug out of her shoulders, her eyes anywhere but on his. “If it’s quiet enough we might be able to let you go earlier without telling the agency.”

She might not want him here, but she didn’t want to tarnish his record. He was a good doctor. Just a lousy husband. She squirmed under his intent gaze, pretty sure he was reading her mind. A sort of, kind of lousy husband.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Christmas is always busy! You’re going to need me. What kind of man would I be, leaving you to deal with a busy ER all on your own?”

“That’s terribly chivalrous of you, Josh. I’m going to need a doctor—yes. But I don’t need you.” She looked at her watch again, not wanting to see how deep her words had hit. Laceration by language was way out of her comfort zone—but tough. Josh had pushed her there—and she had an ER to run.

“Sorry, I’ve got to get to this patient.”

“Yup! I’m certainly looking forward to mine!” He mimed snapping on a pair of gloves with a guess-it’s-time-to-suck-it-up smile.

If she was feeling generous, she had to give it to him for keeping his cool. Assigning him a rectal examination as a “welcome gift” was not, she suspected, the reunion he had been hoping for. Then again, finding out her estranged husband would be her locum for the next week wasn’t much of a Christmas present for her, so tough again! Hadn’t two years’ worth of sending him divorce papers given him enough of a clue?

“Uh... Kate?”

“Yes?”

“Are you going to move so I can get my patient’s Christmas ornament back on the tree?”

“Yes!” she blurted, embarrassed to realize she’d been staring. “Yes, of course. I was just...” She stopped. She wasn’t “just” anything. She stepped back and let him pass.

“I’m happy to see you, too, Katiebird,” he said at the doorway, complete with one of those looks she knew could see straight through to her soul.

She rubbed her arms to force the accompanying goose bumps away.

“Me, too,” she whispered into the empty room. “Me, too.”

* * *

“Hello, there... Mr. Kingston? I understand you’ve got a bleeding—” Katie swiftly moved her eyes from the chart to the patient, instantly regretting that she’d wasted valuable time away from her patient.

Unable to resist the gore factor, the young man had lowered his hand below his heart and tugged off the temporary tourniquet the nurse had put in place. Blood was spurting everywhere. If he hadn’t looked so pale she would have told him off, but Ben Kingston looked like he was about to—

Oops!

Without a moment to spare Katie lurched forward, just managing to catch him in a hug before he slithered to the floor.

“Can I get a hand in here? We’ve got a fainter!”

Katie was only just managing to hold him on the exam table and smiled in thanks at the quick arrival of— Oh. It was Josh. Natch.

He quickly assessed the situation, wordlessly helping Katie shift the patient back onto the exam table, checking his airways were clear, loosening the young man’s buttoned-at-the-top shirt collar and loosening his snug belt buckle by a much-needed notch or two as she focused on stanching the flow of blood with a thick stack of sterile gauze.

“Got a couple extra pillows for foot elevation?”

“Yup.” Katie pointed to the locker where they stored extra blankets and pillows. “Would you mind handing me a digital tourniquet first? I’ll see if I can stem the bleeding properly while he’s still out.”

“Sure thing.” Josh stood for a moment, gloved hands held out from his body as they would be in surgery, and ran his eyes around the room to hunt down supplies.

“Sorry, they’re in the third drawer down— Wait!” Her eyes widened and dropped to Josh’s gloved hands. “Weren’t you in the middle of...?”

She felt a sharp jag of anger well up in her. Typical, Josh! Running to the rescue without thinking for a single moment about protocol! Was simple adherence to safe hygiene practices too much to ask?

“Done and dusted.” He nodded at the adjacent exam area. “He’s going through the paperwork with Jorja.” He took in her tightened lips and furrowed eyebrows and began to laugh. Waving his hands in the air, still laughing, he continued, “You didn’t think...? Katie West—”

“It’s McGann,” she corrected quietly.

“Yeah, whatever.” The smile and laughter instantly fell away. “I always double-glove during internal exams. These are perfectly clean. You should know me better than that.” His eyes shifted away from hers to the patient, the disappointment in his voice easy to detect. “You good here?”

She nodded, ashamed of the conclusion she’d leaped to. Josh was a good doctor. Through and through. It was the one thing she’d never doubted about him. He had a natural bedside manner. An ability to read a situation in an instant. Instinctual. All the things she wasn’t.

She slipped the ringed tourniquet onto the young man’s finger and checked his pulse again. It wasn’t strong, but he’d be all right with a bit of a rest and a finger no longer squirting an unhealthy portion of his ten pints of blood everywhere. He’d need a shot of lidocaine with epinephrine before she could properly sort it out, so she would need to wait for him to come to. Being halfway through an injection wasn’t the time when a patient should regain consciousness. Especially when Josh was leaping through curtained cubicles, coming to her rescue. She jiggled her shoulders up and down. It wouldn’t happen again.

“Are you nervous, Doc?”

“Ah! You’re back with us!” Katie turned around in time to stop the young man from pushing himself up to a seated position. “Why don’t you just lie back for a while, okay? I have a feeling your finger didn’t start bleeding half an hour ago, like it says in your chart, Ben.”

He looked at her curiously.

“Is it okay if I call you Ben?”

“You can call me what you like as long as you stitch me up and get me outta here, Doc! It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve got places to go...things to do—”

“Someone to drive you home?” Katie interrupted. “After your fainting spell, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get behind a wheel.”

“And I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to boss someone around on Christmas Eve!”

Katie backed away from Ben as his voice rose and busied herself with getting the prep tray ready. Emotions ran high on days like this. Especially if the patient had had one too many cups of “cheer.” Unusual to encounter one on the day shift, but it took all kinds.

“Cheer” morphed into cantankerous pretty quickly, and Ben definitely had a case of that going on. She stared at the curtain separating her from her colleagues, knowing she’d be better off if there was someone else in the room when she put in the stitches.

She sucked in a breath and pulled the curtain away. “Can I get a hand in here?” She dived back into the cubicle before she could see who was coming. Josh or no Josh, she needed to keep her head down and get the work done.

“Everything all right, Dr. McGann?”

At the sound of Jorja’s voice, Katie felt an unexpected twist of disappointment. It wasn’t like she’d been hoping it would be Josh. Her throat tightened. Oh, no... Of all the baked beans in Boston Harbor... Had she? Clear your throat. Paste on a smile.

“Yes, great. Thank you, Jorja. Nothing serious, just thought we could do with an extra pair of hands now that Mr. Kingston here has rejoined us.”

* * *

Josh tried his best to focus on the intern’s voice as he talked him through how he saw things panning out on Christmas Eve based on absolutely zero experience, but he couldn’t. All he could hear was Katie, talking her patient and the nurse through the procedure in that clear voice she had. The patient had definitely enjoyed a bit of Christmas punch before he’d arrived, and Josh didn’t trust him not to start throwing a few if he was too far gone.

“Hey.” He interrupted the intern. “What did you say your name was again?”

“Michael,” the young doctor replied, unable to keep the dismay from his face. He’d been on a roll.

Tough. Fictional projections weren’t going to help what was actually happening.

“Michael, what’s your policy on patients who’ve had a few too many?” He mimed tossing back some shots.

“Oh—each ER head is different, but Katie usually calls the police.” He looked around the ER as if expecting to see someone stagger by. “Why?”

“Just curious.” He gave Michael’s shoulder a friendly clap with his hand, hoping it would bring an end to the conversation. “Thanks for all the tips,” he added, which did the trick.

He tuned his hearing back into the voices behind the curtain where Katie was working. The patient was young and obviously a gym buff. As strong and feisty as she was, Katie was no match for a drunk twenty-something hell-bent on getting more eggnog down his throat. Drunk drivers on icy roads were the last thing the people of Copper Canyon needed on Christmas Eve. Or any night, for that matter.

“Okay, Ben, you ready? I’m just going to inject a bit of numbing agent into your finger.”

“What is that?”

Josh inched a bit closer to the curtain at the sound of the raised voice.

“It’s a small dose of lidocaine with epinephrine,” Katie explained. “It will numb—”

“Oh, no, you don’t!” The patient—Ben, that was it—raised his voice up a notch. “I’ve been on the internet and that stuff makes your fingers fall off. No way are you putting that poison in me!”

Josh only just managed to stop an eye roll. Self-diagnosis was a growing epidemic in the ER...one that was sometimes harder to control than any actual injury.

“I think if you read all of the article you’d find that’s more myth than reality.”

Always sensible. That was his girl!

Ben’s voice shot up another decibel. “Are you telling me I’m a liar?”

“No, I’m saying digital gangrene is about the last thing that’s going to happen if I—”

“You—are—not—putting—that—sh—”

“Hello, ladies.” Josh yanked the curtain aside, unable to stay quiet. “Need an extra pair of hands?”

“No,” Katie muttered.

“Yes,” Jorja replied loudly over her boss.

“They’re trying to give me gangrene!”

“Really? Fantastic.” Josh rocked back on his heels and grinned, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “I haven’t seen a good case of gangrene in ages.” He flashed his smile directly at Katie. “Are you trying to turn Mr. Kingston here into The Gangrene who stole Christmas?”

Everyone in the cubicle stared at him for a moment in silence.

“The Grinch!” Josh filled in the silence. “Get it? Gangrene? Grinch?”

There was a collective headshake, which Josh waved off. “You guys are hopeless. They’re both green!”

Jorja groaned as the bad joke finally clicked.

“Well,” he conceded, “one’s a bit more black and smelly, and isn’t around for the big Christmassy finish, but, Ben, my friend...” Josh took another step into the cubicle, clapping a hand on the young man’s shoulder from behind and lowering himself so that he spoke slowly and directly into the young man’s ear. “I’ve known this doctor for a very long time, and if she needs to stabilize the neuronal membrane in your finger by inhibiting the ionic fluxes required for the instigation and conduction of nerve impulses in order to stem the geyser of blood shooting from that finger of yours, she knows what she’s talking about, hear?”

Ben nodded dumbly.

“Right!” Josh raised a hand to reveal a set of car keys dangling from his fingers.

He saw Katie’s eyebrow quirk upward. He would have laid a fiver on the fact she was thinking he’d taken up pickpocketing to add a bit more adrenaline to his life. He’d win the bet and she’d be wrong. He’d just seen enough drunks in his Big City ER Tour. The one where he had done everything but successfully forget the brown-eyed beauty standing right in front of him.

He cleared his throat and stepped away from Ben. “You owe Dr. We—Dr. McGann an apology. And while you do that—” he jangled the keys from his finger “—I’ll just be popping these babies over to Security until we get someone to pick you up.”

Ben opened his mouth to object, his eyes moving from physician to nurse and back to Josh before he muttered something about being out of order, his mother’s stupid car, and then, with a sag of the shoulders, he finally started digging a cell phone out of his pocket.

“Excellent!” Josh tossed the keys up in the air, caught them with a flourish, gave Jorja a wink and tugged the curtain shut behind him before anyone could say boo.

“Well...” Josh heard Jorja say before he headed off. “He’s certainly a breath of fresh air!”

Katie muttered something he couldn’t quite make out. Probably just as well.

Josh grinned, his shoes glued to the floor until he was sure peace reigned behind Curtain Three. He heard Katie clear her throat and put on her bright voice—the one she used when she was irritated with him.

“Now, then, Ben, if you can just show me that finger of yours, we can get you stitched up and home before you know it. Jorja? Could you hand me some of the hemostatic dressing, please? We need to get the wound to clot.”

Josh began to whistle “Silent Night” as he cheerily worked his way back toward the main desk. Job. Done.

* * *

“How long do you intend to continue this White Knight thing?”

Josh’s instinct was to smile and tell her he would wield his lance and shield as long as it took for her to see sense and come back to him. Longer. Until the day he died, he would protect Katie. He’d taken a vow and had meant it. He had broken part of it, and he was going to spend the rest of his life making good on it. Even if that meant walking away, no matter how hard it hurt.

But this was work. Personal would have to wait.

“Where I come from, people stick around to help one another when the going gets tough.” He laid the Tennessee drawl on as thick as molasses. It always got to her and this time was no different.

He watched as her hands flew to her hips in indignation, then shifted fluidly into a protective, faux-nonchalant crossing of the arms. Her eyes widened, the lids quickly dropping into a recovery position. One of her eyebrows arched just a fraction before her face became neutral again. But she couldn’t keep the flush of emotions from pinking up her cheeks.

He shifted his stance, ratcheted his satisfaction down a couple of notches. He wasn’t playing fair. He knew more than anyone that teamwork in an emergency department was something Katie valued above all else. Unless, it seemed, it came from him.

He stood solidly as she gave him the Katie once-over. He wouldn’t have minded taking his own slow-motion scan over the woman he’d dreamed about holding each and every night since she’d told him in no uncertain terms she’d had enough of his daredevil ways. He’d have to play it careful. Divorce rules shifted from state to state, and he hadn’t checked out Idaho. If she’d moved to Texas he would have shown up a lot earlier. No need to wait for a signature there. As it was, he thought two years had given them each more than enough time to know they were meant for each other. Given him enough lessons to know she’d been right. He’d suffered enough loss to know it was time to change. Move forward—whatever shape that took.

“Where are you staying?”

Unexpected.

“Here.” He pointed at the hospital floor.

There went that eyebrow again.

“Locum tenens wages aren’t enough to get you a condo?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t know how long I’d be staying.”

She refused to take the bait.

“Usually housing comes with the contract.”

What was she? The contract police? Or... A lightbulb went off... Was she trying to figure out where he’d be laying his sleepy head? Was she missing being held in his arms as much as he had longed to hold her? Truth was, he never bothered with separate housing on these gigs. Hospital bunks suited him fine... Friends’ sofas sufficed when he was back in Boston. Home was Katie, and it had been two long years...

He heard the impatient tap of her foot. Fine...he’d play along.

“Not this time of year. And it was too short a contract for me to put up a fight.”

Katie’s jaw tightened before she shifted her chin upward in acknowledgment of the obvious. She knew what he meant. The locals had dibs on all the affordable properties. Everything went to the top one hundred highest-paid, most famous, with the biggest bank account, et cetera, et cetera. Life in Copper Canyon was a heady mix of the haves and those who worked for the haves.

Mountain views, private access to the slopes, sunset, sunrise, heated pools, wet bars, ten thousand square feet minimum of whatever a person could desire—you name it, they had it. Copper Canyon saw most of America’s glitterati at some point, on the slopes or at one of the resorts...if, that was, they didn’t have a private pad.

“You staying at your parents’? I remember them having a pretty plush pad out here and not using it all that much.”

Risky question, but he couldn’t imagine why else she would have moved here. She walked over to the board and began erasing patient names and rearranging a few others.

“They’re usually at the Boston brownstone or in the Cayman Islands, right?”

“Jorja? Could you make sure the tablets are all updated to reflect what’s on the board? We’ve got quite a few changes to note,” Katie called over her shoulder to the main desk.

“Sure thing, Dr. McGann. On it!”

Josh leaned against the wall, one foot crossed over the other, hands stuffed in his pockets, happy to just watch her play out her ignoring game. He threw in an off-key “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” whistle for good measure.

“And let’s pop something different on the music front, Jorja. Some nice carols.”

Josh grinned at Jorja, dropped her a wink and dropped his whistle simultaneously.

“They just don’t stop, do they? Your parents?”

Only the squeak of the whiteboard pen could be heard over the usual hospital murmur.

Wow. Having a conversation with a brick wall would have yielded more return.

“The indefatigable McGanns! That’s how I always thought of them.”

Katie’s lips tightened. She didn’t do chitchat. Especially when it came to her parents. They were the source of any well-packed baggage Katie had hauled around through the years. Parents who’d discovered they hadn’t really been up to parenting so had handed it over to nannies and boarding schools to do the work for them. They were harmless enough folk at a cocktail party, but he knew their lack of interest as parents hurt Katie deeply.

“I’m not staying there this week.”

Interesting.

“I always stay at the hospital over Christmas,” she volunteered hastily, with a quick pursing of her lips. “My parents have come in to ski for the week—”

Josh snorted and was relieved to see Katie join in with an involuntary snigger.

“Well...at least they’ll look fabulous in their ski gear before they hit the cocktail circuit.”

Her eyes flicked away with a shake of her head. She must have remembered she’d told herself not to enjoy being with him.

“It’s easier not to get stuck in a storm if I’m here.”

Wow! Two whole sentences! They were on a roll. He kept his ground. Nodded. Tried not to look too interested. He’d learned long ago that it took a lot to get Katie talking, but once you opened the floodgates...

“So...where are you really staying?”

Bang goes that theory.

“Honestly, Kit-Kat. My plan was to just stay here.”

Her brown eyes were briefly cloaked by a studied blink. Then another. Her lips twitched forward for a microsecond in a moue. Was that a response to his being there? Had an image of the two of them wrapped together as they’d always been in bed flashed across her mind’s eye as it had his?

He cleared his throat and shifted his stance. “Casual” was getting tough to pull off. What he wouldn’t give to take the two steps separating them and start to kiss those ruby lips of hers as if each of their lives depended on it. It felt as though his did, and standing still was beginning to test his fortitude.

“I see.” She abruptly turned to face the main desk, where Jorja was checking in a new patient. “We’d best get you to work, then.”

Fair enough. She wasn’t saying no.

And... A smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth. Depending on how you looked at it, Katie was saying yes. Yes to his staying. Yes to his being in the hospital. Yes to their being together.

Okay, it was a bit of a leap, but he was willing to take the risk. In for a penny and all that...

He pushed away from the wall and took a step behind her when she turned back to face the board, unsurprised to see her shoulders stiffen...then relax when he kept just enough space between them for her to know he wouldn’t do what he’d always done before their lives had been ripped in two.

He closed his eyes and pictured the scene. She’d be studying something—anything—an X-ray, a chart, the wall—it didn’t matter. He’d step right up behind her, arms slipping round her waist, hands clasped against her belly, his chin coming to a rest on her pillow of chestnut hair or slipping down alongside her cheek for a little illicit nuzzle or to drop a kiss on her neck...

He heard her sigh at the exact same time he was blowing out a long, slow breath between his lips. Oh, yeah. They were on the same page all right. It just hadn’t been turned for a while.

“Hey, you two—you’re in for the Secret Santa, right?”

Josh and Katie both whirled round to see a grinning Jorja holding out a Santa hat with folded pieces of paper being rapidly jiggled around.

“Count me in.” Josh reached into the hat and grabbed a bit of paper. If he was going to show Katie he knew how to settle down, enjoy small-town life... “Who doesn’t love a bit of Secret Santa action?” He turned to Katie. “That is if it’s all right with the boss lady?”

“Who am I to curtail your holiday cheer and our small-town ways?”

And they were back in the ring! Three years ago the idea of going back to his small-town roots would have made him run for the hills...or the bright lights of Manhattan, more like it. But after he’d quit Boston for Manhattan, Chicago, Miami, none of them had stuck. Not one had sung to him. Nothing worked without Katie.

“I’m just a small-town boy, and nothing says home like...” His eyes sought hers and in that instant he was sure each of them knew what he might say.

“Like what, Dr. West?” Jorja pressed.

Katie. It had always and only been Katie.

“Like having an opportunity to put down roots! In the form of a Secret Santa. I just love a good old-fashioned round of Secret Santa.”

Too emphatic?

He felt Katie giving him a curious glance. Good. He wanted her to see the changes. Maybe not all of them. The pins in his leg could wait. And the scars along his hip and spine. It wasn’t looking like she’d be ripping off his clothes for a moment of unchecked ardor anytime soon, so he was good with that. But he’d been careful that she didn’t see him walk too much. She’d know. She’d definitely know. And she’d never come back to him then.

“Dr. McGann? Are you taking part in the draw?”

Jorja waggled the hat in front of his wife’s face. She might be a good nurse, but that girl sure didn’t read body language all that well.

He watched Katie put on her bright face and return her focus to Jorja. “Of course. In for a penny...”

Josh felt Katie’s eyes land on him as the words came out of her mouth, her hand plunging into the hat blindly to grab a bit of crumpled paper.

She remembered. They’d both said it. A lot. Especially in the early days of their marriage, when they’d needed every penny to repay their medical-school bills, making their own way after just about the best elopement a couple could ever have had when Katie had decided her parents didn’t deserve to put on a society wedding. A church full of her parents’ business associates and bridge pals mixing with his ruckus of a family, who would show up to a black-tie event wearing their funeral clothes? No, thanks.

His lips twitched as her eyes stayed locked on his. They’d spent just a few hundred dollars on rings, the honeymoon, and a huge chocolate cream pie that they’d set between them at a roadside diner and eaten in one go... Then, not too long after, they had been putting down deposits on cribs and—

Josh raked a hand through his hair and looked away first. It was still hard to go there. Still impossible to believe they’d really lost their little girl. That sweet little baby who’d never even had one chance to look into her parents’ eyes...

“Right! You said you wanted me to get to work.” He craned his neck to look around at the waiting room and stuffed the bit of paper into his lab coat pocket. “Who’s next?”

* * *

Katie had to shake her head for a minute before she could think clearly. Having Josh here was like receiving a physical assault of emotions she hadn’t wanted to feel again.

Pain...

She unnecessarily scrubbed her hands through her super-short hair, having forgotten, just as her eyes connected with Josh’s, that she didn’t have a ponytail to curl her fingers through anymore. Yup. The pain she could certainly do without.

Fear.

That Josh would be safe. That he’d come home from his latest escapade unscathed. That he would come home at all. Bearing another loss in the wake of their stillborn baby girl...wondering if he’d well and truly be there for her if they decided to try and conceive again... No. She just hadn’t been able to do it.

Desire.

The desire felt good. Too good. And it was too much of a link to the pain and the fear. A trilogy of Josh, all wrapped up in a gorgeous sandy-haired, blue-eyed package she had never been able to resist. But she had to. For her sanity, first and foremost. For her heart.

“What do you think? You happy to let me go with the photocopy girl?”

“Beg your pardon?” Katie forced herself to focus on the words coming out of Josh’s mouth about a patient newly arrived from an office party gone wrong. Photocopies. Bottoms. Broken glass.

His front tooth was still crooked. She’d always liked that. The imperfection made him more...perfect. Hmm... Maybe she shouldn’t focus on his mouth. His eyes—definitely blue-gray in this light. Flinty? Steel-blue. Was there such a thing? And with little crinkles round the edges. Those were new. Sun, maybe? Or just the passage of the two years they’d put between them?

It might have felt like an eternity, but two years wasn’t really that long. Then again, they’d been through a lot. But Josh had always seemed impervious to it all. Definitely a glass half-full— That was it! Glasses. He probably just needed glasses. Typical Josh to put practical needs like getting his eyes checked on hold. She tilted her head to the side. They were kind of sexy. The crinkles...

Nope. Nope. Still not hearing words. Still not focusing. What about the little bridge between his eyes? That was just like anyone else’s. Just part of someone’s face. A plain old face just like any other doctor in any other hospital. With a nose and high cheekbones and two perfectly formed... Argh, no! And she was back to his lips.

“Apologies, Dr. West.” She put on her best interested face. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

A low laugh rumbled from his chest. Josh knew damn well she’d been ogling him and he was loving it. From the first day he’d draped a stethoscope round her neck, he’d known he had the power to cut straight through her prim-and-proper exterior and bring out the hidden tigress in her. The one she hadn’t known existed. Bookish only children who preferred the company of their elderly nannies weren’t obvious contenders for being horny minxes aching to see how it felt to be scooped up in a single swoop, her legs wrapped round his waist, his hands cupped on her—

“...derriere.”

“Beg pardon! What was that again?”

This time Josh didn’t even bother going for subtle.

“Katie, do you just wanna sneak off and make out for old times’ sake while the anesthetic gets to work?”

“What? No!” She shook her head, sending a horrified look over her shoulder to see if anyone had overheard him. “No!” she added, with a look. She didn’t make out with people. Let alone with the one man on the planet she needed statewide clearance from if her brain was ever going to work properly again.

She forced herself to play a quick game of catch-up.

“You say she broke her office’s copy machine by sitting on it? Why on earth was she doing that?”

“You never butt-copied—?” Josh stopped himself, his smile shifting from astounded to tender. “It’s something that happens when an office party gets out of hand. This gal clearly likes to get her cray-cray on.”

“I have no idea what crayfish have to do with it.”

“Crazy!” Josh laughed. “Cray-cray is crazy, if you’re down with the kids—know what I mean?” He struck a pose for added emphasis.

Katie sniffed. She could do zany. If she put her mind to it. But photocopying her butt? That was just ridiculous. The germs on one of those things should be off-putting enough!

“Well, you two sound perfect for each other.”

Katie saw the sting of hurt her words caused and wished she could yank them straight back. Josh might do wild but he also did wonderful. If only he hadn’t kept pushing the boundaries after their loss. If only he’d convinced her he could play things safe—even for a while—they might...

“I best get on, then.”

Katie watched as Josh turned and made his way toward the curtained cubicle where his patient was waiting. There was something...different about his gait. Something different about him. He’d changed. Really changed. Her teeth caught hold of her lip and gave it a contemplative scrape.

Changed enough to hear what she had to say?

A series of loud guffaws burst from the curtained area where Josh was de-sharding his patient’s booty.

No. Same ol’ Josh! Some stray Christmas spirit must have sneaked into her coffee that morning. No one changed that much. She would just see through the time they had to work together as professionally as she could. No point in reopening old wounds. She’d borne enough hurt for a lifetime.

She scanned the board and picked a good old-fashioned broken arm. Some enthusiastic decorative touches to a snowy rooftop, no doubt. Fixing. Setting. Repairing. That was what she did. It was how she survived.

Once again she shook on her bright smile and pulled open the curtain.

“Right! Mr. Dawsen, I understand you’ve broken your arm?”

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