About the Author

Lynsey, Queen of Clean is one of the UK’s most popular cleaning bloggers with over 100k Instagram followers and a blog reach of around 40/50k per month. Her devoted followers turn to her every day for her expert tips and tricks. Lynsey was first seen back in 2014 on Channel 4’s Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners where she was a regular cast member cleaning some of Britain’s dirtiest homes. She runs a successful cleaning company and regularly appears on UK shopping channels.

Copyright

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2019

Copyright © Lynsey Crombie 2019

Lynsey Crombie asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Ebook Edition © March 2019 ISBN: 9780008341954

To my three amazing children, Mollie, Olivia and Jake, who have given me the strength to become the person I am today. I wouldn’t be able to face life’s challenges without you.

Contents

Cover

About the Author

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction

PART 1: BACK TO BASICS

The Perfect Cleaning Caddy

Queen of Clean’s Homemade Cleaner Recipes

Tried and Tested Cleaning Methods

PART 2: SIMPLE TIPS FOR HOUSEHOLD CLEANING

Practical Methods for Everyday Jobs

Keeping dust at bay

Kitchen cleaning

Bathroom cleaning

Bed care

Sofa care

Kids’ bedrooms and playrooms

Beginner’s guide to laundry

How to iron

How to declutter

How to make your house smell amazing

How to look after beauty products

Nifty cleaning tips for pet owners

How to look after your car interior

PART 3: STAYING ON TOP OF THE MESS

Organisation and Planning

Motivation

Routine

Monthly cleaning calendar

The daily to-do list

The weekly deep clean

Getting the family involved

PART 4: DON’T PANIC!

Tips for the Worst Cleaning Challenges

Spring Cleaning: A Step-by-Step Guide

Surviving the Festive Season

A–Z Hacks: Top Cleaning Tips of All Time

Acknowledgements

About the Publisher

Introduction

Why do I call myself ‘The Queen of Clean’? Well, I’ve always had a huge obsession for cleaning, but when I joined the cast of Channel 4’s Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners back in 2012, one of my lovely friends presented me with a bright pink apron emblazoned with the slogan ‘Lynsey Queen of Clean’ and it has stuck with me ever since.

To explain to you where my major obsession for cleaning began, let me take you back a little. When I was young, growing up in London, my mum was always cleaning. Whenever I visited either of my nans, I saw that they were doing exactly the same – cleaning was definitely in the blood! I used to help my mum around the house a lot and I honestly believe that this is a really good move to make when you have young children – it teaches them basic life skills and encourages them to look after their belongings.

When I was 21, I moved out of home with a boyfriend. I stuck a rota of cleaning tasks on the fridge door, which my friends used to laugh at, but I was so proud that my little flat was super clean and organised. The skills I had learned when I was growing up certainly helped.

Jumping ahead a few years, tragedy hit me. I was married, living in Newcastle and pregnant with twins. I thought I had married a man who would offer me the world, but shortly into the marriage I made a terrible discovery about him and the shock sent me into labour, resulting in my twin daughters being born extremely prematurely. With no specialist facilities available in Newcastle, the girls were flown up to a special care baby unit in Edinburgh, where I found myself alone with two very poorly babies after my world had been completely turned upside down. I don’t want to go into more detail here but I have discussed this previously on my blog if you’re interested to hear more about my story.

The connection with my ex-husband sent me into cleaning over-drive. I scrubbed and scrubbed everything in sight to wash away the pain that my husband had caused me. In addition to this, special care baby units are very sterile places – you are encouraged to constantly wash your hands before you touch your babies. This situation added fuel to the fire of my cleaning obsession.

After six weeks in special care, the stronger of my girls, Olivia, was allowed to come home. A few weeks later, Mollie came home too. Mollie needed an oxygen supply, so in addition to installing a home supply, I had to take a canister with us if we left the house. It was a really hard time; my babies were so small they had to be propped up in their pram with lots of towels and I remember people staring at us whenever we went out and about. I was very lonely living in Newcastle and I hadn’t yet told my family and friends what I was going through.

Feeling very isolated and lonely, my daily walk would be to the local shops to buy cleaning products. Every day, I would load up the bottom of the pushchair with random cleaning products, then I would come home and obsessively clean until all the products were gone. This wasn’t normal behaviour, but it was something that I could channel my anger and negative energy into. It also gave me an excuse to get out of the house for an hour or so.

Eventually, I found the courage to tell people back home what had happened. Swiftly, my dad turned up with a big white van, we loaded everything we could into it and I came back home. I felt that I was literally coming away with nothing: my children were poorly, I had no career and my marriage was over.

I felt ashamed at first, but after a few weeks at my parents’ house, my dad found me a nice flat to rent. I loved my little flat – I kept it pristine and every day was very much regimented. Feeding twins isn’t easy when you’re on your own; everything has to be structured into a set routine that repeats itself daily. In between managing the twins, I fitted in a daily walk and a lot of cleaning to keep my mind busy. My little routine kept me in control and I really enjoyed being on my own with the girls. Being so structured helped my confidence start to grow again.

After a while, my health visitor helped me get a job as a receptionist in a local doctor’s surgery. With the girls in and out of hospital, I spent so much time with medical teams that it felt rather fitting. This is where I met my new partner Rob – he was a medical rep and used to come into the surgery. It wasn’t easy meeting someone new, as I had no trust at all. I had Rob CRB checked and used to watch every move he made with the girls by peering around door frames. I was a very angry person and I’m surprised he stuck around. I got better as time went on and realised he was a good role model for my girls. Two years into our relationship, I fell unexpectedly pregnant. It was a shock to the system, but having my son Jake really cemented us as a family and helped me get back on track.

As time went on, I grew stronger and started to get my confidence back. After Jake’s birth, I found I was getting bored at home, so I got some work in a local shelter for the elderly, helping them with their shopping, ironing and cleaning. The twins were now at school, so I would take 4-month-old Jake with me and he would just sleep in his car seat in the corner of the room. I loved the job. The older people looked forward to me coming and I looked forward to seeing them and I enjoyed hearing their stories. One old lady in particular also had a passion for cleaning and she used to show me her tips and tricks using all sorts of kitchen-cupboard products. I’ll never forget the first time I tried putting bicarbonate of soda down the plug hole. I was mesmerised and completely fascinated. This is when I decided that I wanted to continue with my cleaning and help people.

It was the start of my cleaning journey. My little business was growing and I had a good bank of customers. I kept myself busy and I loved to make other people’s houses shine. I really have had some amazing customers over the years. There are great benefits to cleaning for other people: you know you are making a difference to people’s lives; you are earning a good honest living; and you are even keeping fit.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE CLEANERS

I literally fell into the Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners TV show. I had watched the first series and absolutely loved it, but I would never have applied to be on the show. As well as cleaning, I used to work for a local magazine selling advertising space. One day, the production company called to place an advert as they were looking for people in the area with a NOT so clean home. I got chatting away to the person who had called and, before I knew it, there was full camera crew in my home auditioning me for the show! I was nervous, but also excited. I got the part instantly and, within a few weeks, I was heading up to Blackpool to film my very first episode.

Now, I didn’t really believe a house could be as dirty as the ones I had seen in Series One. I also thought that I wouldn’t actually be doing much cleaning and that a team of cleaners would be supporting me behind the scenes. I was so wrong. It was just me and the house was horrific! What had I got myself into?

It was exhausting but fun – I had an absolute blast. On one occasion I was quite naughty and, every time the homeowners weren’t looking, I chucked a load of their stuff into the skip, which probably contributed to it becoming one of the most-watched episodes. As a result, the production company asked me to continue being part of the show.

I cleaned quite a few houses in the end and we even went out and about swabbing things like cash machines and people’s pushchairs. The results were quite shocking. I also got to clean some fascinating old country manors, which were beautiful buildings that had become run down over the years. One of my favourite moments (which at the time was really painful, although I can now look back and laugh) was when I walked over a bedroom rug and fell right through the floor beneath it!

It was very challenging to chuck antique chairs with three legs into a skip only to see the home owners pull them back out again as they didn’t want to part with their broken belongings. I found it really sad, but I was there to do a job and make their homes liveable again. I learned so much about the history of the houses and met some fascinating people.

Although the show has now come to an end, during my time on it I started to use Twitter and engage with a few brands. I was sent a few freebies, which was amazing, and I did start to get recognised when I was out and about.

SOCIAL MEDIA SUCCESS

My daughters joined Instagram when they hit Year 6 – apparently everyone at school was on it, so they had to be part of it too. I gave in and let them join, but under the condition that I could see everything they were posting and I set myself up with my own page: Lynsey_queenofclean. I kept an eye on the girls, but soon started to find some great fashion accounts. I got sucked in pretty quickly – I loved looking at the outfits these girls were putting together. I also started to follow a few home interior accounts, mainly because we had recently moved and I needed a little inspiration.

One day in 2016, I casually posted a picture of a bottle of cleaning product and added in a few hashtags (I’d learned how important the hashtags were from my girls and the fashion accounts I was following).

Within seconds I got loads of ‘likes’. I only had about 40 followers, so where were all these ‘likes’ coming from? I thought it was madness that people liked my picture.

Over the next few weeks, I started posting random pictures of myself cleaning. The likes continued and I was gaining followers. I didn’t know any of these people, so I found it quite strange at first, but I slowly started to piece together how Instagram worked. I did quite a bit of research and saw that this was a growing trend, that people were using Instagram to connect with those with similar interests, and that you could make money with an attached blog, too. When I hit around 10k followers and my blog was up and running, brands started to contact me and offer me free products. I was over the moon. I mean, for a girl like me, free cleaning products are absolute heaven!

Now I use Instagram and my blog to feature products and some of my little tips and tricks. I also give product demos – these have proved to be very valuable as they save people hunting for reviews online. I like to show people that cleaning isn’t boring and can be really fun. I also talk openly about my past and how I used cleaning to save myself, which has been something my audience has really related to. I take the time to engage and interact with my followers and to support them. I encourage people to grab that mop daily, to get up off the sofa and do something positive, which in turn really does help support mental health.

I feel so proud to have created a community of people who have found comfort in cleaning. My social media journey has connected me with some amazing people and brought you this book. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed putting it together for you.

Happy Cleaning!

LYNSEY QUEEN OF CLEAN

BACK TO BASICS

The Perfect Cleaning Caddy

How to create your own Queen of Clean tool kit!

I am often asked by newlyweds, people leaving home for the first time and new home owners about the best cleaning tools and products. I know that, for some, this can be very confusing; the supermarket shelves are packed with so many products, it’s hard to know what to buy.

My advice is to create a home cleaning kit. A perfectly-formed kit is the key to successful cleaning and will save you both time and money; you really don’t need to have cupboards bursting with products. The other beauty of having a dedicated kit is that you have everything to hand and you will know when you are starting to run low and need to replenish items.

This section will help you put together the ultimate cleaning caddy that is not only practical, but well organised and transportable, and which contains all the essential cleaning products you need to keep your home clean and give you fantastic results.

When building your kit, consider creating a few smaller additional kits that you can keep in different places in your home. This will help save you time when you are cleaning, so that you don’t have to go up and down the stairs like a yo-yo if you have forgotten anything.

Let’s get started …

You will need:

a sturdy, good-sized cleaning caddy with a handle

NATURAL CLEANERS

I tend to lean towards homemade products, so these few items are key if you are keen to follow the homemade, natural route.

White wine vinegar (a degreaser and a mild disinfectant)

Bicarbonate of soda (a natural mild abrasive and deodoriser)

Baby oil (great for shining-up stainless steel)

Essential oils (for fragrance)

BOUGHT CLEANING PRODUCTS

Multipurpose cleaner

Furniture polish

Washing-up liquid

Glass and mirror cleaner

Limescale remover

Bleach

CLEANING TOOLS

Rubber gloves

Sponges

Microfibre cloths (in a good mix of colours – see page 24)

Toothbrush

Wire wool

Lint roller

Squeegee

Duster

ADDITIONAL MUST-HAVE TOOLS

These obviously won’t fit in your caddy, but you need them.

Vacuum

Mop and bucket

STORAGE

When choosing your caddy and products, think about where you are going to store them. Do you have a large enough space? It is so important to consider this before you go out and buy loads of items.

It’s good to designate a space under your kitchen or bathroom sink or in your laundry room for cleaning products. Under-sink storage solutions are a great use of space and will free up other areas of your home.

If space is tight, don’t panic – there are some great options available these days. Consider using over-the-door storage solutions. If you are using a mop and bucket, use the bucket for storing items. Roll up your cloths for easy storage, too.

Vacuums aren’t always the easiest items to store and can take up valuable room. If cupboard space is limited, you could store your vacuum under your bed, in an under-stair cupboard, behind the sofa or even on top of the wardrobe, if it will lie flat.

Queen of Clean’s homemade cleaner recipes

I am a huge fan of natural cleaning and making my own cleaning products. The air quality inside many homes can be two to five times more polluted than the air just outside. Traditional shop-bought household products play a huge part in creating this pollution, which is why I avoid them as much as I can. Besides, making your own products can be fun and most of the ingredients can be found in your own kitchen.

It’s important to remember that homemade cleaning products don’t last indefinitely – they only have a life span of around 3 months. Make small batches and replace them frequently. If you are using fresh lemon juice, you will only get one use from the cleaning solution, as the lemon juice will go off and not be effective thereafter.

Try to use smaller bottles when mixing your own products. I love to use 500 ml bottles – this size will give me enough product to last for a few weeks.

BENEFITS OF MAKING YOUR OWN PRODUCTS

You control the ingredients.

They are cost effective (especially if you buy the ingredients in bulk).

Fewer chemical toxins means safe cleaning (particularly if you have pets or children).

Improved air quality.

Reduced probability of triggering asthma and allergies.

You will need:

Spray bottles (these can be recycled from existing store-bought products. Simply remove the labels, wash them out well and allow to dry)

Adhesive labels

Water

Lemons

Bicarbonate of soda

White wine vinegar

Soda crystals

Essential oils

TIPS FOR HOMEMADE PRODUCTS

Use 500 ml spray bottles for your homemade products.

Label all products clearly.

Use single-use products immediately and discard any product left over.

Other products will keep for a few weeks, but discard after 3 months.

ALL-PURPOSE CLEANER

Mix 120 ml/½ cup white wine vinegar and 50 g/¼ cup bicarbonate of soda into 2 litres/8 cups water. Mix until completely dissolved. Decant into a labelled spray bottle.

Use this solution for the removal of water marks on shower panels and bathroom chrome fixtures, and to clean windows and mirrors. Spray directly onto surfaces and wipe with a damp microfibre cloth.

WOODEN FURNITURE POLISH

I am often asked about how to clean real wood surfaces. Some of the products on the market are just far too abrasive and can take the colour out of the wood or damage fine polished surfaces. Using a natural cleaner will ensure your wooden surfaces are well looked after.

This simple, quick and easy polish won’t cause any damage at all. Simply fill an empty spray bottle with 4 teaspoons olive oil, 4 teaspoons white wine vinegar and 10 drops of lemon essential oil and shake really well. A few sprays and a rub with a soft microfibre cloth and… voila! You will be left with the perfect finish.

NOTE: this polish is single use. Do all your woodwork on the same day to get full use of the solution.

AIR FRESHENERS

Air fresheners are commonly used to mask bad smells within the home, however they don’t actually get rid of the smell altogether. Many of my natural solutions will absorb and remove the nasty odours for fresher, healthier air.

Dot bowls of fragrant dried herbs and flowers around the house.

A mixture of bicarbonate of soda or white wine vinegar with a hint of lemon juice placed in small dishes around the house will absorb unpleasant odours.

Put 3 teaspoons bicarbonate of soda and 8 drops of your favourite essential oil into a spray bottle and top up with water for a homemade deodorising spray.

House plants help to reduce odours in the home.

Prevent cooking odours by simmering 1 tablespoon vinegar in 1 cup water on the stove while cooking. Alternatively, simmer some cinnamon or other aromatic spices.

To remove particularly pungent smells like fish and onions from utensils and cutting boards, wipe them over with vinegar, then wash them in soapy water.

A halved onion left in the corner of a room will help absorb odours quickly.

Keep fresh coffee grounds on your kitchen worktop.

Freshen up your kitchen bin by dropping in slices of lemon.

FABRIC REFRESHER

You can make your own fabric spray to refresh your sofas, carpets, curtains and other fabric surfaces. Half-fill a spray bottle with boiling water, add 2 teaspoons bicarbonate of soda and a few drops of your favourite essential oil, shake to mix and leave for about 30 minutes for the mixture to infuse. Always spray items from a distance of at least 20 cm/8 inches and be careful around pets and children.

CARPET REFRESHER

For the freshest carpet, add 15 drops of your favourite essential oil to 200 g/1 cup bicarbonate of soda. Using a sieve, liberally sprinkle the mixture all over your carpet or rug, leave for a few hours, then vacuum it up.

This is one of my favourite tips; I do it myself once a week!

CARPET STAIN REMOVER

Mix equal parts white wine vinegar and water in a spray bottle. Spray directly onto the stain, let sit for several minutes, then clean with a brush or sponge using warm soapy water.

For fresh grease spots, sprinkle cornstarch (cornflour) onto the spot and leave for 15–30 minutes before vacuuming.

For a heavy-duty carpet cleaner, mix together 50 g/¼ cup salt, 50 g/¼ cup soda crystals and 60 ml/¼ cup white wine vinegar. Mix into a paste then rub into the carpet stain and leave it for a few hours. Vacuum it off.

DRAIN CLEANER

This is something I recommend you do weekly to prevent nasty odours and blockages.

Pour 100 g/½ cup bicarbonate of soda into the drain, then add 120 ml/½ cup white wine vinegar and leave for 15 minutes. The chemical reaction will help to break down fatty clogs. Flush with boiling water from the kettle.

Caution: Plastic pipes can be damaged if excessive boiling water is used. If you don’t have metal plumbing, use warm or even cold water to rinse instead.

DISINFECTANT

Fill a spray bottle with 2 teaspoons soda crystals and 4 tablespoons white wine vinegar, then top up with hot tap water. Spray directly onto surfaces and wipe off with a damp microfibre cloth for powerful cleaning.

CROCKERY STAIN REMOVER

Remove coffee and tea stains from cups and mugs by adding 1 heaped teaspoon bicarbonate of soda to each, then filling with boiling water. Leave for about 30 minutes, then drain and rinse. You’ll be amazed by the results!

CHOPPING BOARD CLEANER

Rub a slice of lemon over wooden or plastic chopping boards to disinfect the surface.

For tougher stains, squeeze some lemon juice directly onto the stain and scrub in a little salt. Leave for 10 minutes, then rinse clean.

CERAMIC OR GLASS HOB CLEANER

To save your hob becoming a sticky mess, make a point of cleaning it after every use. To remove stuck-on food, wet the area with hot soapy water and sprinkle with bicarbonate of soda. Cover with a damp towel or kitchen paper and leave for 30 minutes, then wipe with a clean damp cloth.

Microfibre cloths

I use a lot of microfibre cloths; I love how easy they are to clean with. Microfibre is a blend of polyester and polyamide (nylon) and each fibre is up to 50 times finer than a human hair. Ideal for high powered cleaning, the fine hairs in a microfibre cloth pick up and trap more dirt than standard cloths. General purpose microfibre cloths also have a small electrostatic charge, which makes them very effective for picking up dust.

Microfibre cloths can be used for almost any cleaning job and work particularly well if you clean with the ‘S’ action. Making an ‘S’ shape with the cloth means that you more effectively cover the entirety of the surfaces you are cleaning.

Dusting

Used both damp and dry, microfibre cloths make ideal dusters.

Electronics and glassware

Microfibre cloths are particularly good for cleaning electronics and glassware, including television and computer screens and tablets. As microfibre cloths don’t pick up debris, they will not leave scratch marks.

Stainless steel

With just water and vinegar and using the ‘S’ action, microfibre cloths are great for giving stainless steel a shiny finish.

Chrome

When cleaning your chrome taps, use a microfibre cloth dipped in a solution of vinegar and water. This will remove any water marks, ground-in grime, and soap scum, leaving your taps beautifully shiny.

Eyewear

To clean glasses, rub them really well with a little rubbing alcohol on your microfibre cloth.

Grout and tiles

Grout can be very hard to keep clean and bright white. After scrubbing grout with a small hard brush or a toothbrush, use a microfibre cloth to wipe away any soapy suds and buff the grout and tiles clean and dry, leaving them super shiny.

Washing up

Another great tip is to use your microfibre cloths for the washing up. Microfibre cloths don’t cling onto bacteria, so they don’t end up smelling. When you’re finished, make sure to wring out as much water as possible and hang up to dry.

Drying dishes

Microfibre cloths soak up water really well so are also great for drying the dishes. Use a separate cloth for drying after you’ve finished washing up.

Top tips to keep your microfibre cloths working for you longer

COLOUR-CODING CLOTHS

When cleaning your home, it’s important to clean away the germs, not spread them around. Please don’t use the same cloth for multiple household tasks. Imagine using the same cloth for the loo and the bath! Yuck! Try using a colour coding system for your microfibre cloths – this will stop cross-contamination of dirt and bacteria around the home.

Here’s my system:

PINK for the SINK

BLUE for the LOO

GREEN for CLEAN

YELLOW for DUSTING

I use pink cloths for cleaning sinks, draining areas and work surfaces in the kitchen. In the bathroom, I use pink to clean the bath, shower and sinks.

Blue is for the toilet and only the toilet.

Green is actually for cleaning glass: mirrors, picture frames, windows, TV screens and glass-topped furniture (Green for Clean just sounds better!).

I use yellow for general dusting: furniture, skirting boards and banisters.

You can of course create your own system – just make sure it works for you!

WASHING

Wash your microfibre cloths between uses.

You may also want to wash the cloths before using them for the first time to remove any stray fibres.

You can either wash cloths by hand or in a washing machine. If you opt to use the machine, try to wash them separately from any other laundry.

Make sure to dry cloths out before you leave them in a laundry bin, as wet cloths will encourage mildew and bacteria growth.

Machine washing

Pop them in the washing machine at 60°C, with liquid detergent but no fabric conditioner and they will come out as good as new! I opt for liquid detergent over powder as powder can sometimes damage the delicate cloth fibres.

Hand washing

Wash with warm soapy water, adding in some washing detergent or even washing-up liquid. Leave to soak for about 1 hour and occasionally stir around with a wooden spoon. Rinse under cold running water.

Drying

One of the great things about microfibre cloths is how quickly they dry! All you need to do is hang them up to air dry. If you want to dry them in a tumble dryer, use a low heat as a high heat can damage and shrink microfibre cloths.

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