About the Authors

CAROLINE ANDERSON is a matriarch, writer, armchair gardener, unofficial tearoom researcher and eater of lovely cakes. Not necessarily in that order! What Caroline loves: her family. Her friends. Reading. Writing contemporary love stories. Hearing from readers. Walks by the sea with coffee/ice cream/cake thrown in! Torrential rain. Sunshine in spring/autumn. What Caroline hates: losing her pets. Fighting with her family. Cold weather. Hot weather. Computers. Clothes shopping. Caroline’s plans: keep smiling and writing!

ALLIE KINCHELOE has been writing stories for as long as she can remember, and somehow they always become romances. A Kentucky girl at heart, she now lives in Tennessee, with her husband, children, and a growing menagerie of pets. Visit her on Twitter: @AllieKAuthor.

Also by Caroline Anderson

One Night, One Unexpected Miracle

Yoxburgh Park Hospital miniseries

Risk of a Lifetime

Best Friend to Wife and Mother?

Their Meant-to-Be Baby

The Midwife’s Longed-For Baby

Bound by Their Babies

Their Own Little Miracle

A Single Dad to Heal Her Heart

From Heartache to Forever

Tempted by the Single Mum

Heart Surgeon’s Second Chance is Allie Kincheloe’s debut title

Look out for more books from Allie Kincheloe

Coming soon

Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk.

Tempted by the Single Mom & Heart Surgeon’s Second Chance

Caroline Anderson

Allie Kincheloe

www.millsandboon.co.uk

ISBN: 978-0-008-90237-7

TEMPTED BY THE SINGLE MOM & HEART SURGEON’S SECOND CHANCE

Tempted by the Single Mom © 2020 Caroline Anderson Heart Surgeon’s Second Chance © 2020 Allie Kincheloe

Published in Great Britain 2020

by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF

All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.

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Table of Contents

Cover

About the Authors

Booklist

Title Page

Copyright

Note to Readers

Tempted by the Single Mom

Back Cover Text

Dedication

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

EPILOGUE

Heart Surgeon’s Second Chance

Back Cover Text

Dedication

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

EPILOGUE

About the Publisher

Tempted by the Single Mum

Caroline Anderson

New start, new life...

New family?

After a lifetime of putting others first, GP Nick Cooper is craving his fresh start in Yoxburgh—it’s time to discover what he wants. And that’s his beautiful new colleague, Ellie Kendal! But Ellie comes as a package deal, and as a devoted single mom of three, she’s nothing like anyone he’s ever met before! His head warns him to hold back, even though his heart already belongs to them all...

I have many people to thank, not least my editor

for her endless patience. Sheila, you are a star.

Also Juno, who’s looked after us for very many years,

through many trials and tribulations.

Thank you for your kindness and support.

And, last but not least, thanks also to

my long-suffering husband John, who must

surely be sick of me saying, ‘We can’t do that.

I have to write my book…’

CHAPTER ONE

WHY? WHY TODAY, when she was already running late before she’d even started, did someone have to make it even worse?

She glared at the car reversing neatly into the one remaining doctors’ space—a car she didn’t recognise, and she’d never seen the driver, either. He certainly wasn’t one of their doctors, so whoever he was he had no business parking there.

Didn’t seem to bother him. He either didn’t know, or didn’t care, but he flashed her a smile as he got out of the car, then locked it and headed for the surgery without a backward glance.

Who did he think he was? Cocky, arrogant—argh! There weren’t words for what she felt. The expensive car, the confident stride, the easy charm—not to mention the insanely good looks. Clearly a man for whom everything had always gone his way. Well, not now. Whoever he was—probably a drug rep—he was about to get his comeuppance.

Still fuming, she reversed into the last available space in the car park, not really wide enough but doable—or it would have been, if she hadn’t been so cross.

She heard the scrape, closed her eyes and breathed, then shuffled the car slightly further from the offending wall, squeezed out of the ridiculously narrow gap she’d left herself, slammed the door and headed across the car park.

Seriously, could today get any worse? Well, his could. If he was still in Reception—

He was. He was chatting to the receptionist, leaning forward engagingly as he spoke, and that easy charm was obviously working on Katie, which just infuriated her more. His hands were shoved casually into the pockets of immaculately cut trousers that fitted his neat, strong hips to perfection. Of course they did. They wouldn’t dare do anything else.

She eyed his shoulders, broad and yet not heavy, the legs strong and straight below firm, taut buttocks. He probably worked out in a fancy gym somewhere. You didn’t get a neat, sexy bottom like that by accident.

She dragged her eyes up to head height.

‘You’ve parked in a doctor’s space,’ she said crisply to his back, keeping a lid on her temper with difficulty, and he straightened up and turned towards her, that infuriating smile still on his face.

‘Yes, I—’

‘I know parking’s tight, but that is just not on. There was another space, so why not park there yourself? Or anywhere else, frankly! Or was that the only space big enough for your ego? Thanks to you I’ve scraped my car, I’m now ten minutes late and I’ve got patients waiting!’

An eyebrow rose a fraction. Over his shoulder she could see Katie gesturing wildly, but she ignored her and stood her ground, and he shook his head slowly.

‘Maybe you need to get up earlier,’ he murmured, and she stifled the urge to growl at him.

‘And maybe you need to learn to read!’

‘Ellie! Dr Kendal!’ Katie chipped in, getting to her feet and looking even more flustered, and his eyebrow went up a little further, a lazy smile now playing around his aggravatingly beautiful mouth.

‘I think we’d better start again,’ he said, holding out his hand, the smile tugging at his lips. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr Kendal. I’m Nick Cooper. Dr Nick Cooper.’

The new—and desperately needed—member of their team.

Brilliant.

Why didn’t the ground just open up and swallow her?

He had to stifle his laugh.

Her jaw sagged, and for a second she was speechless. Then she shook her head, mumbled what could have been an apology and fled through the staff door as Katie opened it, her face flaming.

He dropped his hand back to his side, shrugged and smiled at the receptionist who was looking horrified and fascinated all at once.

‘So, that’s Dr Kendal,’ he murmured, vaguely intrigued.

‘Yes. Ellie. I’m so sorry, she’s normally lovely. I don’t know what’s got into her.’

He pulled a face and walked through the door into the back of Reception, closing it behind himself. ‘I do. I took the last doctor’s space, and now she’s scraped her car. Oops. If I’d known who she was I would have moved, but I didn’t have a clue.’

‘She’s only part-time, so if she wasn’t on duty when you came for your interviews you wouldn’t have met her—and she does normally walk. You weren’t to know.’

He nodded. ‘No. Ah, well. I have no doubt we’ll have time to catch up later.’

Katie gestured towards the other doorway, still looking flustered. ‘Come in and I’ll introduce you to the admin team, and I’m sure Dr Gallagher will be out in a minute to talk to you. I’ve let her know you’re here.’

She led the way, and he followed her into the office and scanned it for any sign of his fiery new colleague, but she’d gone.

Pity. Never mind. He was here all day, there was time, and he could look forward to what was bound to be an interesting conversation...

Why had she done that?

Torn him to pieces without even giving him a chance to speak? And if he’d been a patient, he would have been well within his rights to complain. No, it was even better than that. He was a colleague, her senior, and she’d just hurled abuse at him in their first interaction.

Marvellous. Just marvellous.

Not that he’d been exactly polite himself, telling her to get up earlier. She’d been up before half five as it was to do the laundry, and if Maisie hadn’t been a diva and Evie hadn’t needed her nappy changed again and Oscar hadn’t lost one of his shoes and then had a meltdown, she wouldn’t have been late and then none of this would have happened.

She felt her eyes prickle, and clamped her jaw shut hard, blinking furiously as she closed her consulting room door behind her and leant against it. It could have been worse. There could have been a whole bunch of patients in Reception, so at least she hadn’t had an audience while she’d made a total fool of herself.

‘Breathe,’ she said softly, and closed her eyes, sucking in a long, slow breath through her nose and out through her mouth. In...and out... In...and out—

The quiet tap on the door made her jump, and she leapt away from it and wrenched it open, to find herself face to face with her worst nightmare, no doubt coming to tear her apart in private. Well, it was certainly justified, and he probably hated her already.

Or maybe not...

‘Katie thought you’d want this,’ he said quietly, holding out a mug of tea without a trace of a smile, and she stared at it suspiciously.

Beware of strangers bearing gifts...

‘Why are you bringing me a peace offering? I’m the one who should be apologising—or have you slipped something into it?’

His mouth twitched. ‘Don’t tempt me,’ he murmured, and gave her a wry smile. ‘It’s not a peace offering. Katie was about to bring it to you, and I suggested I do it. I thought we could do with clearing the air.’

She took it from him with fingers that weren’t quite steady, then made herself meet his eyes. He held her gaze, his searching, thoughtful, the smile gone now. She was quite glad she didn’t know what he was thinking...

She felt her shoulders drop in defeat. ‘Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know who you were, which is no excuse whatsoever, I know that, but—’ She broke off, still mortified and wondering if there was any way she could rescue the situation. ‘I hadn’t realised you were coming in today, I thought you’d be starting on Monday, so I wasn’t expecting you, I didn’t recognise you, and then you took the last reserved space, and as if that wasn’t enough I scraped my car parking by the wall, which was just the icing on the cake—’

‘Ellie, breathe! It’s OK. Forget it. You’re right, I am starting on Monday, I’m just having an induction today, learning the ropes a bit, finding my feet before I start. I guess nobody told you. And I’m sorry I took your parking place, but Lucy told me to park there because you usually walk to work. Obviously not today.’

‘No. I should have been, I nearly always do, but I got—held up,’ she said, for want of a better way of putting it.

‘So it seems. Parking’s tight, isn’t it? Lucy said it’s a regular occurrence with the building work going on.’

She nodded, sighing with relief because he had every right to be unreasonable about this. ‘It is, but they should be finished soon and the builders’ vans will be gone, and not a moment too soon. Look, I’m sorry, can we do this later? I don’t mean to be rude—again—but I do have patients waiting and I’m already on the drag.’

‘Of course. And I’m sorry about the parking—and your car.’

‘Don’t be sorry. You had every right to park there, as it turns out, and I massively overreacted. And thank you for the tea. I haven’t had time for one today.’

His eyes softened at the corners, that flickering smile sending strange little shivers through her body. ‘My pleasure,’ he murmured. ‘We’ll catch up later.’ His lips twitched again. ‘You can teach me to read, and I can teach you to tell the time.’

She rolled her eyes. He might have forgiven her, but he clearly wasn’t going to let it drop.

‘Oh, I can tell the time,’ she told him wryly. ‘I was up at five twenty-seven, for what it’s worth.’

A silent ah, and he backed out, fingers waggling. ‘Better not hold you up any more, then. I’ll see you later.’

She nodded, and the door closed softly behind him.

Shaking her head and wishing she could wind the clock back, she put the tea down, washed her hands and fired up her computer, her mind refusing to let go of that lazy, sexy, fleeting smile.

Stupid. She was nearly twenty minutes late now, and it would have a knock-on effect on the rest of the day. She didn’t have time to daydream, and particularly not about a man who probably practised his smile in the mirror!

‘Get a grip, Ellie,’ she told herself, took a gulp of her tea and pressed the button to call her first patient.

Predictably she finished her morning surgery late, checked some results and wrote two referral letters and then, just because why not, when she went upstairs to their temporary staff room to make herself a coffee and eat the lunch she’d hastily thrown together at crazy o’clock, Nick was in there alone.

Time to eat humble pie again...

He looked up from the paperwork scattered on the table in front of him, and his unbelievably blue, improbably beautiful eyes locked on hers with that clear, steady gaze that she was beginning to find unnerving.

‘OK?’

She laughed. Was she? Probably. ‘I’ll live. People don’t normally die of embarrassment. Have they abandoned you?’

‘They’re all busy. I’m fine. I’m reading through a pile of stuff they gave me and I was sort of hoping you’d come in so we could start again.’

‘No need, Nick, it’s fine, and I think I’ve probably said enough to last a lifetime. Can we just drop it? I’m not normally so inexcusably rude.’

‘I’m sure you’re not, but you were hassled and I was in your space. And you’d just trashed your car.’

She shrugged and headed for the kettle. ‘It’s hardly trashed, it barely shows, and I still shouldn’t have been so rude. You could have been anyone.’

Though how anyone else would have been worse than the new partner it was hard to imagine.

He got to his feet and headed over to where she was standing, moving with a lithe, easy grace—and a slight wince? ‘Let’s start again. I’m Nick.’

‘And I’m Ellie.’

She took the hand he was holding out to her, and as his fingers wrapped around her hand she felt warmth and reassurance and strength. And about a million volts. She dropped it like a hot potato, and he switched on the kettle and settled back against the worktop edge, legs crossed at the ankle, arms folded, sex appeal pouring off his perfectly honed body in waves.

Why did he have to be so darned sexy?

‘I’ll get you a drink, you eat your lunch,’ he said, that smile flickering again. ‘And while you do that, you can tell me why you were up at five twenty-seven.’

She rolled her eyes, handed him her empty mug and ripped the lid off her lunch box, retreating to the other side of the table for a bit of much-needed distance.

‘Coffee, please, white, no sugar. And since you asked, it was nothing unusual, I’m often up that early. I put the washing on, hung out the load which had done overnight, showered, dressed, hung out the second load, got the kids up, finally got them dressed after the usual arguments, we had breakfast, then Maisie had another strop because her best dress was on the line, Oscar lost a shoe and then had a meltdown and wouldn’t put his other shoes on, and Evie did a poo so I had to change her nappy, by which time Oscar had taken his shoes off again and hidden them, and Maisie was changing her dress for the third time. So, just another day at the office, really.’

He put the coffee down in front of her, his eyes wide and brimming with something that could have been sympathy if it hadn’t been for the laughter fighting its way to the top.

‘Ouch,’ he said softly, sitting down again and propping his elbows on the table as he held her eyes with that gorgeously blue and now sympathetic gaze. ‘That’s not a great way to start the day!’

She tried to smile but it was a wan effort and she abandoned it, making him frown. He leant slightly towards her, his eyes searching.

‘Are you OK, Ellie?’ he asked softly, and she shrugged.

‘Of course. I’m just tired. And it could have been worse,’ she said, forking up another mouthful of salad and trying not to think about the gorgeous eyes. ‘At least none them had thrown up in the night or had a temperature, but I pity the people at nursery. Oscar was still screaming by the time we got there because I’d put him in the car without his shoes on, and Maisie was mutinous and grumpy for England.’

‘And Evie? You did say Evie, didn’t you?’

She felt her face soften into an involuntary smile at the thought of her baby girl and put her fork down, the salad forgotten. ‘Yes, it’s Evie. She was her usual sweet, sunny little self, bless her heart.’

He grinned, his eyes crinkling and making him suddenly even more approachable. ‘Small mercies?’ he murmured, and she laughed.

‘Absolutely. I live for them, and I’m sure it won’t be long before she gets the terrible twos and it all falls apart. I’m enjoying it while it lasts.’

He sat back, his eyes still searching hers thoughtfully. ‘So, where’s your husband while all this is going on?’ he murmured.

The urge to smile evaporated, along with any trace of humour she’d been feeling, and she sat up straighter and dropped her eyes to her salad, prodding it around for something to do before she looked up again. ‘No husband,’ she said crisply. ‘I’m divorced.’

‘Ah. Join the club. I tell you what, let’s not go there, shall we? It’ll take all day and we’ve got much better things to discuss.’

It was his turn to look away, but not until she’d seen a subtle change in those fascinating eyes, a flicker of something like regret or disappointment or—grief? No matter. She was happy to let the subject drop and sip her coffee. Divorce was always a bit messy, and some were messier than others. Clearly not everything in life had gone his way...

‘So, how long have you been working here?’ he asked lightly, moving the subject on, and she was happy to pick it up and run with it.

‘Since after Maisie, so a little over three years? We had a flat in London, but David’s parents live in Yoxburgh and we’d bought a holiday home just round the corner from them, but he was away all the time working abroad so after we had Maisie we moved up here to our house and kept the flat on for when he was doing a fast turnaround, and I started work here when she was ten months old. And then two months in I realised I was pregnant with Oscar, which wasn’t planned, and then Evie came along.’

Although she wasn’t going into that, because David’s reaction had devastated her. It still hurt now, nearly two years later, and probably always would, but she was fine without him. Better, really, no matter how tough it might be sometimes.

‘So, how old are they now?’ Nick asked softly.

‘Maisie’s just four, Oscar’s two and a half, and Evie’s nearly fifteen months.’

His eyes widened. ‘That’s...’

‘Three in thirty-four months. I know. It’s ridiculous.’

He let out a long, slow breath. ‘I don’t know about ridiculous, but that’s pretty hardcore, for a single parent. For any parent, come to that, especially if you’re working. It must be a nightmare.’

She shook her head. ‘They’re a joy, really, when I have time to draw breath and think about it. Today was just one of those days, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, tantrums and all.’

‘No, of course not. I’m sure you love them all dearly.’

‘I do.’ She eyed him steadily, wondering if she’d heard something odd in his voice. ‘So, your turn. Why here?’

He shrugged. ‘Why not? I wanted a total change, I don’t have any ties, and it’s the sort of job I’ve always wanted. I was ready for it, it was there—it seemed sort of meant.’

‘What about your kids?’ she asked, blatantly fishing, but he just shook his head, his eyes steady but expressionless now.

‘No kids. If we’d had kids, I’d still be there. Children are a lifetime commitment. You don’t walk away. It’s not negotiable.’

She gave a little snort. ‘Tell it to the fairies. My ex walked out when I was eight weeks pregnant with Evie.’

He blinked, his eyes startled. ‘Seriously? He left when you were pregnant? Did he know?’

He sounded appalled, and she couldn’t help the bitter little laugh. Oh, yes, he’d known. It was why he’d gone.

‘I thought we weren’t going into this?’ she said, trying to keep it light and move on, but he didn’t let it drop.

‘Does he see them?’

‘Oh, yes. He comes up every fortnight and stays with his parents, who think it’s dreadful that he walked out on his marriage, and they’re not thrilled with me, either, because I won’t have him back, but they’re sticking by us because they want a decent relationship with their grandchildren, and the kids adore them. His loss.’

‘And the children’s. Idiot.’ He held up a hand. ‘Sorry, not my place.’

‘Oh, no, feel free. Nobody’s going to argue with you except him, and he’s not here, thank goodness.’ She gave him a wry smile. ‘Just as well, or he’d be ranting at me for scraping my car on the wall this morning.’

He pulled a face, his mouth tipping ruefully up at one side. ‘Sorry—again. I ought to pay for it to be fixed.’

‘Why? You weren’t driving it.’

‘No, but it was my fault and I didn’t exactly make your morning any better, did I? And I really am sorry about that. You obviously have enough on your plate.’

She answered his smile, wondering why that little tilt of his lips was having such a weird effect on her. Crazy—

‘Yes, well, I think we need to forget all about it, and I think I need to do something a bit proactive or my afternoon’s going to go down the tubes as well. I’m duty doctor this afternoon so I’ve got all sorts of patients slotted in. I need to go.’

She got to her feet, hesitated a second and then leant across the table, holding out her hand, telling herself it wasn’t to find out if she felt that electric tingle again. ‘Friends?’ she asked, and he smiled and took her hand.

Yup, still there, fizzing all the way through her body.

‘Friends,’ he murmured, and she smiled and dropped his hand and straightened up, resisting the urge to rub her tingling palm on her trousers.

‘Good. I’ll see you on Monday, then,’ she said, as the door opened and Lucy Gallagher came in.

‘You’ll see him tonight at ours for dinner, I hope?’ Lucy said, and she turned to her friend and colleague, her jaw dropping.

‘Dinner?’ she said blankly.

‘Yes—Nick’s welcome dinner?’

Oh, no. ‘Isn’t it next Friday?’

‘No, it’s tonight, at seven. Ah...’ Lucy tilted her head to one side. ‘No babysitter?’

She closed her eyes and counted to ten. Could Liz help out? Maybe. Another favour—oh, lord.

‘No. I didn’t need one, but David changed his weekend, and I didn’t join the dots. Idiot me. I’m so, so sorry, Lucy. I’ll ask my mother-in-law, and I’ll let you know. I’ll come if I possibly can, but it might just be for a short while.’

Lucy smiled and shook her head. ‘Don’t worry, I quite understand. Give her a ring, do what you can.’

‘I will. I need to go; I’ve got a stack of patients. I’m sorry.’

She threw a vague smile in their direction, scooped up her coffee and headed for her room, her salad forgotten, but her hand was still tingling from his touch, scrambling her brain even further.

Liz said yes, bless her heart, and even volunteered to pick the children up from nursery for a sleepover, so after her surgery was finished she drove home, packed their things and dropped them round, then went back, threw the breakfast things in the dishwasher, brought in the washing off the line and then went to change. But into what?

She studied the contents of her wardrobe blankly, but nothing was right. Ridiculous. She was going for an informal supper with the rest of the doctors and their partners and the practice manager and her husband, just to welcome Nick. It didn’t matter what she wore. Anything would do.

Except it wouldn’t, somehow, because she’d already made a disastrous impression, and she wanted a chance to remedy that. If it wasn’t already way too late...

So, the blue dress? No, too dressy. Pink? No. Too casual. Black? Too formal. OK, not a dress, then. Trousers and a top and pretty pumps?

Better—but which top?

She tried all of them, in the end, and went for the one that hung well, disguised her flabby bits and made her feel good about herself. That alone was quite an ask, but hey. Not that it mattered, she reminded herself crossly. The only thing that really mattered was getting there on time, because if she knew Lucy’s husband, he would have been in the kitchen all day cooking up a storm, and the last thing she needed was to upset anyone else!

She touched up the makeup she’d hurled on hastily at six thirty this morning, slipped on her shoes and coat, grabbed the bottle of wine she’d bought for them and walked out without checking herself in the mirror again because it just didn’t matter.

The Gallaghers only lived round the corner, and the drive would be full, so she walked, timing it so she’d be there just after seven so that hopefully some of the others would have arrived and she could melt into the background without having to talk to him. Not that she wanted to be rude to Nick, she’d done enough of that today to last a lifetime, but she didn’t want to look over-keen either.

And heaven knows why she was letting it worry her! He was a work colleague, nothing more, and never would be. She’d be polite, friendly enough, and stop thinking about his cute behind and that lazy, oh-so-sexy smile. Surely she could manage that?

She arrived at five past seven, just as Dev and Reeta got there. Perfect.

Brian’s car was there, and she could hear the others talking as Dev opened the door, but there was no sign of Nick’s car on the drive. Had he walked? Or was he late? No. He didn’t seem like the type to be late—or totally forget that he’d been invited for dinner.

Thank God for her mother-in-law. She would have been sunk without Liz in so many ways. The woman was a saint.

She plastered on a smile and followed Dev and Reeta in.

He was sitting in between Julia Wade, the practice manager, and Sarah Baines, another part-time doctor whose husband was at home with their children, and on the other side of Julia was Brian Rowlings, the practice principal. He’d met him and Julia before at his interviews, and also Dev Patel, the only other full-time doctor apart from him and Brian.

Dev was seated on the other side of the table, his wife Reeta, another part-time doctor, on one side and Ellie on his other, with Julia’s husband next to Ellie on her other side, which put her right opposite him and gave him a perfect opportunity to study her. It was threatening to become a habit...

He dragged his eyes off her and looked up at their hosts. Lucy Gallagher, the most senior doctor after Brian, and her husband Andy, who he gathered was a part-time ED consultant at Yoxburgh Park Hospital, were busy piling food on dishes and setting them down along the length of the table, watched longingly by their black Labrador, Stanley.

‘Just dig in, folks,’ Andy said, so they did, passing things around, spoons waving in the air and not a trace of inhibition. It felt like a noisy, cheerful family Sunday lunch, he thought, not a formal introduction to the practice, and he liked it. He liked all of them, but he wanted to know more about them, most particularly Ellie.

He didn’t get a chance to talk to her, though, because not surprisingly everyone wanted to ask him questions or tell him interesting and useful things about the practice, and he had to force himself to pay attention, but he was still aware of every breath she took.

After the main course they swapped places, and he ended up next to Ellie, which would have been fine if it hadn’t been for the unmistakeable current of something seriously tempting that ran between them.

She wanted trifle but she couldn’t reach it, so he stood up and leant across her, feeling the brush of her arm against his thigh as he picked it up, and he nearly dropped the dish.

‘Here,’ he said, sitting down again and holding it for her, then passing it across to Brian when she was done. And then Brian started to tell him things about the practice, things he probably needed to know, and at any other time would have been interested in, so he still didn’t get to talk to her. Didn’t mean he wasn’t still utterly aware of her, of her scent, the sound of her laugh, the hitch in her breath and slight shift of her leg away from his as his thigh accidentally brushed hers—

‘Coffee, anybody?’ Lucy asked when they’d all ground to a halt, and Ellie shook her head.

‘No, it’s been lovely, Lucy, but I need to make a move. Sorry. I had a very early start and I’m running out of steam.’

‘Yes, me, too,’ he said, getting to his feet with a rueful smile. ‘It’s been great to meet you all, and I’m looking forward to working with you and getting to know you all much better, but I’ve got a lot to do over the weekend before I start on Monday. My house is in chaos and I need to be able to find my clothes, at the very least.’

‘Give us a shout if you need a hand,’ Andy offered, which produced a chorus of other offers, and he nodded and thanked them all, thanked Lucy and Andy for the meal and ended up on the drive at the same time as Ellie.

‘Did you walk or are you driving?’ he asked her.

‘I walked—why?’

‘So did I. I’ll walk you home.’

‘You don’t need to do that—’

‘Yes, I do. I don’t want you on my conscience.’

She laughed at that. ‘Nick, this is Yoxburgh! Nothing’s going to happen to me.’

‘Nevertheless,’ he said with a smile, with no intention of backing down. ‘And anyway, I want to talk to you. I have questions.’

She looked up at him, her face illuminated by the porch light, her expression sceptical as if she could see right through him. ‘Such as?’

‘Oh, practice stuff. Well, people stuff, really,’ he added, improvising like crazy, but she nodded as if that seemed reasonable, and then turned away and set off, and he fell in beside her.

‘So, ask away,’ she prompted.

‘Brian,’ he said, because he genuinely was interested in what she had to say about him, so it seemed a good place to start.

She glanced at him. ‘What about him?’

‘He was on his own, and I understand he’s had some time off recently. Anything I should know?’

‘Yes. His wife had early onset Alzheimer’s, and he took time off and looked after her. She was only fifty-eight when she died last year, and she didn’t know him for the last few months.’

He felt the weight of a familiar burden settle over him. ‘That must have been difficult.’

‘It was difficult. I covered what I could, but I was pregnant with Evie so we all picked up a bit and we got a locum for one day a week, and then she died and he came back a couple of months later. I think he was glad to get back to normal, to be honest. He’d been very isolated.’

He knew how that felt, when he’d been coping with his brother after Rachel had left him. He’d been hanging by a thread by the time Sam died. Still was, in a way.

‘So, what else do you want to know?’

Nothing, really, but he drummed up a few questions to take his mind off Sam as much as anything, and then she came to a halt outside a surprisingly modest and fairly boring little eighties house—or at least it would have been, if it wasn’t for the fact that it overlooked the sea.

‘Well, this is me,’ she said with a smile. ‘See, no muggers or rapists or roving gangs.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘Well, I’ll say goodnight, then.’

She said nothing for a moment, and then looked up at him. ‘Coffee?’

He tried to read her eyes, but it was too dark to see them properly. ‘I thought you needed an early night?’

‘I do, but I’m going to sit down first and chill for a while. It’s been a hectic day. And we can talk more about the practice if you like. Up to you.’

The practice was the last thing on his mind. Getting to know her better, though...

‘No, I don’t fancy coffee.’

Did her face fall? Maybe, and he tipped his head on one side and smiled slowly. ‘Tea, on the other hand...’

She let out a soft huff of laughter and turned away.

‘You’d better come in, then.’

CHAPTER TWO

IT WAS A MESS. Why had she invited him in? She must have been nuts.

‘Come on through. I’m sorry, it’s a bit of a tip. I left in a hurry this morning and I haven’t had time to tidy it.’

He gave a quiet chuckle that did something weird to her nerve endings. ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ve seen much worse.’

‘Very likely, but that doesn’t mean I’m proud of it.’

He chuckled again, the sound soft and rich and oddly disturbing. She busied herself with the kettle, ridiculously aware of him behind her. What was he making of the house? And what did it matter what he thought of her or her house?

‘Are these the kids’ drawings?’

‘Well, they’re not mine,’ she said with a laugh, turning back to him. He was studying the fridge, plastered with Oscar’s little doodles and scrawlings, Maisie’s almost recognisable pictures of a house and a bunch of flowers, and in the middle Evie’s small messy handprints in pink and green and orange. He reached out a finger and traced a little handprint, and there was a wistful smile on his face that touched her heart.

Why doesn’t he have children?

‘How do you take your tea?’

He turned back to her, the smile becoming suddenly more generic as he hid whatever feelings they’d been that she’d had that little glimpse of. ‘Oh, white, no sugar, as it comes.’ He glanced around, frowning slightly. ‘So how do you get to the garden? I take it there is a garden?’

‘Oh, yes, it’s a nice garden once you get to it, but you have to go through the sitting room—or out of the front and round the side.’

His eyebrow twitched. ‘That’s handy for the bin.’

She laughed again, this time with real irony. ‘You don’t say. The layout’s ridiculous. Someone blocked up the kitchen door that led to the garden, and yes, it’s handy to have more cupboard and worktop space, but a back door would be handy, too. If you can stand the mess, I’ll give you a guided tour while the kettle boils.’

He chuckled again. ‘I can stand the mess,’ he said, and followed her, eyeing the house curiously as she pointed out the interesting features, like where the back door should have been, the lack of a utility room, the dining room with the wasted sea view, the three cramped bedrooms and tiny bathroom.

‘It’s not what I expected.’

‘What did you expect? Pristine tidiness?’

He laughed and looked down at her, his eyes gentle. ‘No, I didn’t mean that at all. This is just normal family mess. I wasn’t expecting a sea view. You were lucky to get it. They’re always at a premium.’

‘Absolutely. That’s why we bought it. David never did anything by accident—well, not a lot,’ she added economically, and headed down the stairs. ‘And the sea view would be fine if I ever had time to look at it, but even if I did, you can hardly see it because of the stupid layout. The house isn’t big enough for three children, but I can’t afford to extend it or move house, and David’s attitude is if I want to do things to it, or move to something better, then all I have to do is have him back.’

‘I take it that’s not an option,’ he ventured cautiously.

She laughed at that, a brittle little tinkle of sound, and led him back to the kitchen. ‘I don’t think it’s a serious suggestion anyway, so even if I thought it was a good idea, which I definitely don’t, I’m still stuck here.’

‘So what were you planning to do?’

‘Move the sitting room to the front and the dining room to the back because it’s as far from the kitchen as you can get at the moment, and extend it out into the garden to make a family area and put another bedroom and bathroom on. That way at least there would be a sea view from a room that would be used, rather than just the dining room, which I hardly use, and my bedroom, where I sleep with the curtains shut. As I said, wasted.’

‘That’s not wasted! You could lie in bed with a cup of tea in the mornings and look at the sea. Bliss.’

‘With three small children crawling all over me? That’s not bliss, that’s asking for trouble.’

His face softened into a wry grin. ‘Yeah, maybe. But the downstairs layout is crazy, I’ll give you that. I’d probably just open it all up if you didn’t want to spend a lot.’

‘But then there’d be nowhere where I could just retreat and know it’s going to be tidy and not covered in toys. Here, your tea,’ she said, handing it to him, and led him back into the sitting room, sweeping little wooden blocks out of the way with her feet, and behind him she heard that chuckle again.

‘You need a fairy, Ellie. Someone to come in while everyone’s sleeping and tidy it all up.’

She rolled her eyes and curled up on the sofa. ‘Er—that would be me? Nice idea, though. I wonder if the tooth fairy has a cousin who’s looking for work?’ she added with a grin, and he gave a soft huff of laughter and sat down opposite her, stretching his legs out with that little wince she’d noticed earlier.

‘Are you OK?’ she asked, and he tilted his head slightly.

‘OK?’

‘You winced.’

‘Oh, that. No, it’s an old fracture. It plays up a bit if I’ve overdone it. It’s nothing.’

‘Overdone it? You sat in the staff room or the office for a lot of the day, and you’ve been sitting down at dinner.’

‘That’s today. Yesterday I moved all my stuff up here into my new house. There was a lot of lifting and lugging.’

‘Didn’t you have a removal company?’

He smiled. ‘Yes. There’s still a lot of lugging around to be done. My fault. I should have been more specific about where I wanted things. Anyway, it’s all in the right place now, more or less. All I have to do is unpack.’

She wondered where the house was, but it seemed rude to ask—except he’d seen every inch of her chaotic and overcrowded little house, so the location of his could hardly be a state secret. Even if it was none of her business...

‘Where is it?’ she asked, finally giving in to her curiosity.

‘Just round the corner, on a little private road with half a dozen or so houses on it near the steps to the beach.’

‘Jacob’s Lane. Wow. I know it well. There are some lovely houses there. Which one is it?’ she asked, totally forgetting that she wasn’t supposed to be being nosy.

‘Split-level timber thing on the right, built in the seventies, with a weird mono-pitch roof?’

‘I know the one, it’s been empty for a while. I really like it.’

‘Yeah, me, too. It’s nothing from the front but it’s quite interesting inside, and it’s got a lovely courtyard style walled garden—and all the rooms open onto it. The only thing lacking is the sea view, but I’ve got legs and it’s hardly far away.’

That quirky grin again, which seemed to have some magic power over her.

Why? Why him, her new colleague? Although he seemed to have forgiven her for her tirade this morning, so she should be grateful for that, and she could live with a bit of unrequited lust in the interests of a peaceful and amicable working relationship.

‘So does it need a lot of work?’

‘Not really. Just an injection of my taste and a bit of tweaking.’

‘Not a project like this was meant to be, then?’

He gave a soft laugh and shook his head. ‘No. I didn’t want that, not now, not at this point in my life. I’ve had enough challenges. I’m ready for a quiet life.’

She chuckled softly. ‘Me, too, but there’s not much chance of that with three small people. Frankly I’d settle for six hours’ sleep a night. That would help.’

Just the thought made her want to cry with longing, and she was running out of steam. She stifled a little yawn, and apologised, but he gave her a wry smile.

‘I need to go. You’ve had a long day and I’m keeping you up, so I’ll leave you to what’s left of that early night you wanted. Maybe you’ll get more than six hours.’

‘Oh, bliss. I might even take a cup of tea up in the morning and look at my sea view. That would be a novelty.’

He chuckled and got to his feet—that wince, again—and headed into the kitchen with his mug, setting it down on the worktop before he walked to the front door. Then he turned and smiled down at her, his eyes gentle, and her stomach flipped over.

‘Thanks for the tea and the guided tour, and for filling me in on the practice.’

‘You’re welcome. Thank you for walking me home, even if it wasn’t strictly necessary. I’ll see you on Monday.’

‘I’ll look forward to it.’

He hesitated for a moment, then cupped her shoulders in his hands and touched a kiss to her cheek, then dropped his hands, turned away and headed off in the direction of his house.

She watched him go from the open doorway, her fingers tracing the tingle on her cheek. She’d felt the slight graze of stubble on her skin as he’d kissed her, breathed in the scent of his skin against hers, and her breath caught.

Crazy. Her mind was scrambled by a mixture of tiredness, the two glasses of wine she’d had with dinner, and her unexpected reaction to a man she’d been convinced she’d dislike.

And she didn’t dislike him at all, she realised. She liked him. Liked him a lot, and wanted to know more—such as why he didn’t have children, why his marriage had gone wrong, and why he’d moved here on what seemed like a whim. For the quiet life he’d talked about?

Too many questions, and none of those things were anything to do with her. Just a colleague. Nothing more.

‘Get a grip, Ellie,’ she told herself, and closed the door firmly.

Damn.

Why was she so nice?

Stupid, really, but he hadn’t wanted her to be. Not a woman with three children. A woman with three children definitely wasn’t on his agenda, and there was no way on earth he was going there.

So what was with the pang of regret?

He missed his footing slightly in the dark, and his ankle wrenched a little, taking his mind off her.

Not before time. They had to work together, and the last thing he needed in a new job that he hoped would be a long-term, settled future for him was an inappropriate reaction to an inappropriate woman.

He crunched over the gravel drive, slid his key into the lock and closed the front door behind him with a sigh. Boxes everywhere, stacked up in every room. Boxes containing his life—and some of Samuel’s. Not that he was ready to unpack those yet. Might never be.

Navigating his way to the kitchen, he put the kettle on, made himself a cup of chamomile tea and turned up the heating. Not that it was particularly cold, but the house had been empty for months, and it needed warmth and life injected back into it.

A fridge smothered in multicoloured handprints and colourful scrawls? Blocks and cars and jigsaw pieces all over the floor?

Hardly. He’d leave that to Ellie.

Not that he had a choice. His own stupidity had taken care of that, but at least his sisters had provided their parents with grandchildren, so that box was ticked. One small thing that he didn’t have to feel guilty about.

He went up the few steps to the sitting room, dropped onto the sofa, went to reach for the TV remote and changed his mind. Instead he leant back with a sigh, cradling his tea and letting his mind run back over the evening and all he’d learnt.

Brian was a widower, working part-time but for how long Ellie didn’t seem to know, and as for the others, they were a cheerful, friendly bunch of people he’d be happy to work with. It would be nice to be part of a team again, after four years of patchy locum work as his brother had grown steadily more dependent. He’d taken time out to help his parents, but he’d missed it, missed the camaraderie, the belonging.

He wanted to belong again, and from what he’d seen so far, he’d be welcomed with open arms by the other practice members.

And then there was Ellie.

Ellie, with her long dark hair, grey-green eyes that showed every emotion, and that wickedly dry sense of humour. Not to mention a curvy, womanly body that made him ache to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her senseless.

No, that would be him who’d be senseless, because it wasn’t just her eyes and her wit and her lush, beautiful body. It was her three very small children, all part of the same package, and he wanted nothing to do with it.

Liar.

He sighed again, sipped the chamomile tea and pulled a face. The tea was the last thing he wanted, but he had no idea where he’d put the bottle of single malt he kept for the times when he wanted to drown his sorrows and wallow in self-pity, and maybe that was just as well.

He had a lot to do tomorrow, and he needed to spend Sunday resting or his hip and ankle were going to give him hell.

He got to his feet, went back down to the kitchen, poured the tea down the sink and went to bed.

Just because the damage was already done, the children were saints on Monday morning, and she dropped them off at nursery and walked into the practice at ten past eight with plenty of time to prepare for her morning surgery.

She’d vowed not to drive so that Nick could have the parking space, this time without argument, and there was no sign of his car as she arrived. How gratifying—

‘Morning!’

He appeared at the top of the stairs as she put her foot on the bottom step, and she couldn’t help the wry smile.

‘Your car isn’t here. I thought I’d beaten you to it.’

His mouth kicked up, and she felt a strange sensation in her chest, a weird flutter that brought a tiny glow with it. What was it about that smile that it seemed to light up the corners of her heart?

‘Sorry to disappoint. I’ve been here since half seven. Lucy and Julia came in early so they could talk me through my day. It’s looking busy already.’

‘It will be. It’s always busy. Have you had a cup of tea?’

‘No, I’ve had coffee, but the kettle’s hot. I’ll be up again in a minute.’

She nodded and headed up, passing him on the stairs. Wasn’t that supposed to be unlucky? Except that the stairs were wide and she’d hardly felt the brush of his arm against hers.

Even so, it had left a little tingle in its wake—or was that the fresh scent of soap or shower gel that lingered in the air? She recognised it from Friday, when they’d been seated side by side at Andy and Lucy’s table, and again when he’d kissed her as he’d left. Not aftershave or cologne, more subtle than that, but it had made her want to rest her head against his chest and breathe him in—

Pull yourself together! You’ve got work to do. Enough of the daydreaming and fantasy. He’s just a colleague.

And if she told herself that often enough, maybe it’d sink in. She made a cup of tea, took it down to her consulting room and logged into her computer, and there was a tap on the door.

‘Come in!’

It was Nick, sticking his head round the door with a serious look on his face. ‘Have you got two minutes? One of your patients is down to see me and he’d rather see you, apparently, only your list is full. James Golding?’

‘Oh, Jim. Yes, of course I can see him. He’s a dear old boy and he never makes a fuss. He’s had a triple bypass but he still gets angina from time to time, so it might be that. I’ll get Katie to swap it over.’

‘OK. I think he might be here already, actually.’

‘Sounds likely. I’ll see him now. You could take my first patient, if you like. I have no idea who they are so there’s no continuity of care issue.’

‘Done. I’ll see Katie. Thanks.’

‘Don’t thank me. I’d rather see Mr Golding myself because there must be something going on. He doesn’t like to make a fuss, so I’ll check him over thoroughly.’

‘Good. Thanks. See you later, maybe.’

They shared a smile, and she went out into the waiting room and spotted Jim Golding, tucked into the corner with his hands knotted round the handle of his walking stick. She went over and perched beside him.

‘Morning, Jim. I gather you wanted to see me?’ she murmured, and he looked up and gave her a weary smile.

‘They said you were busy,’ he said, his voice distressed.

‘No. We’ve swapped. You’re with me. Do you want to come now?’

Not that she really had time, because there was always a ton of admin to do before she could start and it was going to put her behind, but there was something about the cautious way he stood up that set alarm bells ringing.

‘No rush,’ she said gently, and ushered the frail, elderly man into her consulting room and settled him in the chair. ‘So, Jim, tell me what’s going on.’

‘How was he?’

Ellie put her cup down with a plonk next to the kettle, not sure where to start, and he got up and went over to her.

‘Ellie? What’s up?’

She pulled a face. ‘I’m not sure. He said he was OK but he’d had a twinge or two, so I’ve sent him to see Megan for a twelve-lead ECG and a raft of bloods. Just to be on the safe side. He also wanted me to draw up a DNAR.’

‘Really?’

She nodded. ‘Yes, and I don’t like it. I think there’s something going on that he hasn’t told me. Gut instinct?’

He gave a soft huff of laughter. ‘Yeah, I know the feeling. Sometimes I hate my gut.’

‘Don’t hate it. Trust it. I trust mine and it’s giving me grief right now.’

His mouth kicked up into a fleeting smile. ‘You could be being overcautious.’

Or not, as it turned out, because when she was back in her consulting room wading through test results, she heard a yell and went out to find Nick on his knees in the corridor, bent over Mr Golding.

‘What’s happened?’

‘I don’t know. An MI, maybe? We need to move him and repeat the ECG. Oh, hang on. No, no, no, no, don’t do this!’

She turned back to find Nick had the elderly man’s shirt open and was listening to his chest.

‘Anything?’

He shook his head and started doing chest compressions. ‘No. He’s arrested. Can you call an ambulance?’

‘No. Nick, stop.’ She dropped to her knees beside him and covered his hands with her own, stilling them. ‘He’s got a DNAR, remember? He signed it before he went in with Megan. We can’t resuscitate him and I wouldn’t want to. His wife died last year, he’s really struggled without her. He doesn’t want this.’

‘Is it in his notes?’

‘Yes. I put it on the computer, and we have the physical document on file. He signed it in front of witnesses.’

His hands slowly lifted, and he stared down at the man for a long moment before he shut his eyes and sat back on his heels.

‘We need to close off the corridor and move him somewhere until they get here to take him away. I’ll do that, you call the office and get an ambulance.’

She nodded, went back into her surgery and asked Katie to call an ambulance, and then left a message on Jim’s daughter’s voicemail asking her to call. She ought to call in her next patient, there was no time to grieve for the patient she’d grown very fond of over the past few months, but somehow her heart was heavy and she just needed a moment...

Something splashed on her hand and she swiped it away, and then she heard her door open and she turned, as Nick’s arms closed around her.

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t save him,’ he murmured, the sound echoing through his chest under her ear.

She shook her head and eased away a little, feeling suddenly awkward. ‘Don’t be. It’s what he wanted. I just wish I could have done more to help him.’

He let go of her, one hand coming up to wipe a tear gently from her cheek. ‘You helped him get what he wanted in the end, Ellie. He went very quickly, and he wasn’t distressed. I think he knew what was happening.’

She nodded, hauled in a breath and straightened up, blew her nose and tried to smile. ‘We aren’t supposed to get involved.’

‘No. We’re not.’ But his smile said it all, and with a quick check to make sure she was really OK, he went back to his patients and left her to deal with Mr Golding’s daughter.

‘I’m sorry you lost a patient on your first day. Are you OK?’

He looked up into Ellie’s concerned eyes, closed the file he was working on, shut the lid of his laptop and stood up. ‘I’m fine, Ellie. It happens, people reach the end of the road, and anyway he wasn’t my patient. How about you? Are you OK?’

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she said, but he wasn’t convinced.

‘You’re working late tonight.’

She shook her head. ‘No. I always do an evening surgery on Mondays. It’s a busy day but I’m done now. I’m glad I caught you, though. I spoke to Mr Golding’s daughter and broke the news, and she rang back later after she’d been to see him to thank us for looking after him and for letting him go when we did. Apparently he’d rung her and said I was making him have all sorts of silly tests, but I’d been really kind so he was indulging me.’

‘Do you know what he said to me, when I found him on the floor? “Oh, dear, I’m making such a fuss.”’

She swallowed, as if she had a lump in her throat, and let out a soft laugh—to diffuse her emotions, maybe?

‘That’s so typical. He was such a gentleman,’ she murmured, and her wistful smile warmed something deep inside him and made him want to hold her again, because frankly that tiny hug this morning for a sad colleague had been nothing like enough.

‘Do you have to collect the children?’

‘No. Liz takes them back to mine and gets them ready for bed.’

‘I’ll walk you home then. I’m done now.’

She hesitated, then nodded and gave him a weary smile.

‘OK. But just to the end of your road. I’ll walk the rest of the way on my own.’

‘Because you don’t want your mother-in-law getting ideas?’

She laughed, probably because he’d hit the nail right on the head. ‘Something like that. And anyway, you don’t need to be exposed to the monsters at the end of the day. They can be pretty grim when they’re tired.’

He smiled and shook his head, not in the least concerned about the children, or the mother-in-law, come to that. And anyway, he had to get home.

‘Don’t worry about it. I need to get back to the dog anyway.’

‘Dog?’ Her eyes widened in surprise. ‘I didn’t know you had a dog. You said you didn’t have any commitments.’

His smile felt a little off kilter. ‘I didn’t, not until yesterday when my parents delivered him. He’s my brother’s dog.’

‘Your brother’s? So how come you’ve got him?’

He looked away so she couldn’t read his eyes. ‘He died last year,’ he said economically, and felt the usual sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

‘Oh, Nick, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’

Her voice was filled with compassion and it choked him for a moment so he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder as they headed down the stairs.

‘No reason why you should have known,’ he said. ‘Anyway, Rufus kind of adopted me while it was all going on, and he’s been pining for me since I left last week, apparently, so I said I’d have him. They’ve been in Kettering with my sister, so they just popped over for the afternoon and dropped him off.’

He held the door for her, and then fell into step beside her.

‘So what is Rufus?’ she asked.

‘Cavalier King Charles spaniel. He’s a nice little thing, and very placid. He spent most of his life on Samuel’s bed, and he used to let us know when he was about to have a seizure, which was totally unexpected and incredibly useful.’

‘Was he a trained seizure alert dog, then?’

He shook his head. ‘No. He had no training at all, and he was chronically disobedient, but he just latched onto Sam and he was amazing with him. He really calmed him, and even when Sam didn’t recognise us any more he knew Rufus.’

‘Poor dog. He must have been gutted when your brother died.’

He swallowed and drew in a long breath. ‘Yeah,’ he said, and left it at that, mainly because he couldn’t say any more. How could it still feel so raw, over a year later?

‘What had happened to him? To Samuel?’

He shrugged. ‘He was born with very complex needs. Nobody could say why, but he was very compromised in all sorts of ways, and my parents’ lives revolved around him for thirty-eight years.’ And not just their lives. His, too, but that was another matter.

And there was that lump in his throat again, which didn’t get any better when she rested her hand lightly on his arm.

‘I’m so sorry.’

He nodded, and kept walking, and then they were at the end of his road and he slowed to a halt and smiled at her.

‘Right, this is me. I take it you can find the way from here?’

She rolled her eyes at him, then cocked her head on one side and studied him thoughtfully. ‘Are you OK?’

‘Yes, of course I am. Why shouldn’t I be?’

Her smile was tender and nearly pushed him over the edge. ‘Because you’re sad?’

He was. Sad, and guilty, because there’d been an element of relief when Sam had finally slipped away and he’d been free of the burden, and he was filled with shame about that.

He found a smile and pinned it on. ‘I’m fine, Ellie. Will I see you tomorrow?’

She nodded. ‘I work Monday, Tuesday and Friday.’

‘I’ll have the kettle on for you,’ he promised, and her mouth curved into a grin, and she went up on tiptoe and brushed a kiss on his cheek.

‘You do that. Take care, Nick. I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she murmured, and turned and walked away, leaving him feeling oddly—lonely? He watched her till she was out of sight, and then let himself into his house and went to find Rufus.

He wasn’t hard to find. The little dog was curled up in his bed in the hall beside the boxes of Samuel’s possessions, and he lifted his head and wagged his tail in greeting, his eyes huge and sad as ever.

‘Hi, little guy,’ he said gently, his voice gruff and scratchy, and as he crouched down Rufus got to his feet, put his paws on his chest, whined softly and licked his face.

‘I’m sorry, mate. I’m a pretty poor substitute, aren’t I?’ he murmured gruffly, but Rufus wagged his tail and sat down, looking hopeful.

He gave the little dog another stroke, straightened up and went into the kitchen, hauling in a long breath. ‘Come on, then, little man. Let’s find some supper, and then you need a walk, and we’ll see if we can find something nice on the telly later, shall we?’ he murmured, and Rufus followed him, tail wafting gently, his mournful eyes fixed on Nick’s every move.

CHAPTER THREE

SHE HARDLY SAW Nick the next day, but as promised the kettle had just boiled when she got in, which made her smile. They passed on the stairs, and she asked him fleetingly if he was OK.

‘Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?’ he asked.

But she wasn’t bringing his brother up again, especially not at work, so she just smiled and said, ‘Good,’ and moved on.

She saw him later at the other end of the corridor outside the consulting rooms and he flashed her a smile, but that was all they had time for and she left at the end of the day without seeing him again.

Oddly, though, just knowing he was in the building made her feel different about it, that little tingle of anticipation that if she turned the corner he might be there. Which was ridiculous, because he was just a colleague. If she told herself that often enough, maybe it would sink in.

She spent Wednesday with the children, playing in the garden, and on Thursday they wanted to go the beach with buckets and spades. She’d been trying not to think about Nick, except of course they walked past his house on the way and she couldn’t help but study it and think about him.

She’d love to see inside it, but it probably wasn’t a good idea, not the way she reacted to him. She chivvied the children past it, but then it started to rain as they got to the top of the steps so they ran back and she took them to a soft play centre instead and spent the time lecturing herself for being so obsessed by him.

It was still raining on Friday morning, but it didn’t matter as she had the car with her. She’d dropped the children’s things off at Liz and Steven’s on the way to the nursery because it was David’s rescheduled weekend with them, and as she turned into the car park she crossed her fingers that Nick hadn’t driven, too.

He hadn’t, or at least he hadn’t arrived yet, which seemed unlikely. He’d always been there before her even when she’d made good time, and today of course she’d been on the drag again after another emotional meltdown from Oscar over the missing shoe, which still hadn’t turned up.

Still, summer was coming, and she’d buy him some sandals next week.

She went up to the staff room, and the kettle was still fairly hot, but there was no sign of him and she felt a strange sense of anti-climax. Stupid. She made a coffee, headed downstairs and waded through a pile of prescription requests and results before seeing her first patient, and she didn’t see Nick until after she’d finished her lunch.

‘Are you hiding from me?’ she asked jokingly as they passed on the stairs, and he stopped and grinned.

‘Now, why would I do that? Actually I’ve been hoping to see you. Am I right in thinking you’re child-free this weekend?’

She nodded, puzzled that he should ask. ‘Why?’

‘I just wondered if you’d like to be my first guest? If you haven’t got anything better to do, that is, which you probably have.’

She felt a smile edging in, and tried to moderate it so she didn’t look too ridiculously keen. ‘Well, now, let me see. There’s sorting the washing, or cleaning the house from top to bottom, or weeding the garden...’

‘Is that a no?’

‘Absolutely not,’ she told him, letting the smile out. ‘When were you thinking?’

‘I don’t know. Whenever you like. Dinner tonight, or tomorrow, or lunch tomorrow, or Sunday—whatever. I’m easy.’

She mentally scanned her fridge and came up with not a lot, or nothing that wouldn’t keep. ‘Tonight would be nice, but that’s a bit short notice for you, isn’t it, unless you’re planning on getting a takeaway?’

He shook his head. ‘I’ve got an internet order coming at seven. Tonight would be fine.’

‘Can you cook?’

He chuckled. ‘What if I say no?’

‘I’ll eat first,’ she said, unable to stop the little laugh, and he joined in, shaking his head again slowly, that lazy, sexy smile doing strange things to her pulse.

‘You don’t need to eat first. I can cook. Any special dietary requirements?’

She shook her head, and he grinned.

‘Well, that’s a relief, since I’ve already done the order. So—seven thirty?’

She felt a little bubble of excitement burst in her chest. ‘Seven thirty sounds fine. Can I bring anything?’

‘No. I have everything covered. Just bring yourself and an appetite.’

He felt nervous.

Why, for heaven’s sake? It wasn’t as if it was a date, not in that sense. He’d just invited a colleague around for a meal, a sort of impromptu housewarming, and he wasn’t going to do anything elaborate.

The entrance hall doubled as a dining room, so the first thing he had to do was find the table under the pile of boxes he’d dumped on it, so he shifted them into one of the bedrooms, hesitated over the pile of Sam’s boxes on the floor and then moved them, too. It might worry Rufus, but he dug out Sam’s old blanket and put it in his bed, tucked in the corner under the stairs. Maybe that would be enough.

Right. The table was clear, the floor was clear bar the dog bed, the kitchen was clean anyway because he’d been using it for a week, and the moment the delivery came he turned on the oven and started to prep the salmon parcels.

By the time Ellie arrived the fish was ready to go in the oven, he’d made the avocado and sweet chilli salad starter, the rice was cooked, the melting middle chocolate puddings, his one concession to laziness, were unwrapped and ready to go, and the wine was nicely chilled.

He heard the crunch of gravel and opened the door as she stepped onto the porch, a pot plant in her hand and a smile on her face, and he felt an odd sensation in his chest.

‘Here. A little housewarming present,’ she said, and he took it with a smile, kissed her cheek and ushered her in, trying to ignore the weird thing going on with his heart.

By the time he’d put the plant down she was on the floor, making a fuss of Rufus, who was rolling on his back for a tummy-rub.

‘Oh, he’s really sweet,’ she murmured, smiling tenderly at the shameless little flirt, and he chuckled.

‘He is. He’s a nice little dog, and he’ll stand any amount of that, but he’s normally quite shy, probably because he’s had a sheltered life.’

‘Well, he doesn’t seem shy now,’ Ellie said with a laugh, getting to her feet, and then she looked around curiously, glancing up the short flight of stairs on her left.

‘So what’s up there?’

‘The sitting room. Let’s get a drink and take it up there. It overlooks the garden and it’s still light, so you’ll be able to see it—unless you want a guided tour first?’

She laughed, the sound rippling through him and reactivating that heart nonsense, and her eyes were twinkling.

‘Absolutely. I’m insanely curious. I’ve walked past this house so many times on our way to the beach, and I’ve always wanted to know what it was like inside because it’s so unusual and it fascinates me. Can we?’

‘Sure. We can take our drinks with us. It won’t take long to look at it and it’ll probably be a dreadful anti-climax.’ He headed into the kitchen and glanced back at her. ‘Are you OK with white wine or do you want something else?’

‘White’s fine. Thanks. Wow, it’s a good-sized kitchen.’

‘Good-sized everything, really. The bedrooms aren’t huge, but they’re big enough and there are four of them, so if either of my sisters wants a seaside holiday I can accommodate them and their families, so it sort of makes sense even though it’s just me. Come and see. We’ll do the bedroom wing first, then go up to the sitting room.’

‘Wing? That sounds very grand.’

He chuckled. ‘No. It’s not grand at all, it’s pretty basic, really. Very simple, but that suits me. I’m a simple man.’

There was nothing simple about him, she thought as she followed him. A single man who had no ties and responsibilities, buying a family-sized house so his sisters could come for a seaside holiday with their children? A dog who’d belonged to his late brother and had been pining for him, so he’d adopted it? And yet he’d left them all to move to Yoxburgh. Why?

He led her through a little dogleg and down the narrow hall that ran away from the front of the house, opening doors and gesturing as he went.

‘So the bedrooms are on this side, all overlooking the garden, and the service rooms like the bathrooms and utility room are across the corridor because they don’t need a view. It’s not fancy but it seems to work.’

‘I’m sure it does,’ she said, peering into the first bedroom. It was long and narrow, with a window at the far end, but she couldn’t see a lot more than that. ‘You’ve got a lot of boxes.’ Surely more than one man could need in a lifetime.

He glanced at them and nodded. ‘Yes. I have. My life’s been in boxes since Rachel left and we sold the house.’

‘Rachel’s your wife, I assume?’

‘My ex-wife. Yes. She—uh—she walked.’

Like David...

‘So, anyway, some of the boxes are from that, and my parents packed up all Samuel’s stuff and had no idea what to do with it, so I’ve got all that here, too. Heaven knows what I’ll do with it all, but it seemed wrong to throw his life away and I’m not short of space. I guess I’ll sort it sometime.’

She turned to look at him keenly, concerned, and he looked away as if he didn’t want her reading him.

‘You think about him a lot, don’t you?’ she said softly, and he gave a little huff of laughter but didn’t answer, just led her back out of the room and down the corridor, pushing the doors open so she could see the other rooms. The next two were the same as the first, and then he pushed open the last door and stood back.

‘This is mine. It’s bigger than the others, obviously, and it’s got a dressing room and en suite, and a door to the garden, which is nice.’

She looked around, taking in the space, the simple lines of the furniture, the bed made up with crisp white linen without a single mucky handprint on it, and sighed. ‘Oh, I’m so jealous of all your space,’ she said with a wry laugh, and turned back to him, catching a glimpse of something curiously like guilt.

Why on earth would he feel guilty?

‘Seen enough?’ he asked, and turned and walked away anyway, because he’d suddenly seen it with her eyes and he wished he’d never shown it to her, because although it was never going to be anything that special, this house would be ideal for her and her children, unlike the one she’d got, for which she’d had had such grand plans until her husband had walked.

He wondered why, but it didn’t seem right to ask and he didn’t want to bring it up because once they started on that conversation there was a world of stuff on his side that she might want to know, and he really, really didn’t want to talk about it.

‘Come on, let’s go and put the fish in the oven—are you OK with teriyaki salmon parcels and rice?’

‘Oh, no, it sounds awful,’ she said, but her eyes were giving her away so he stifled a laugh and went back to the kitchen and put the fish in the oven, then topped up their glasses and led her up to the sitting room.

‘Oh, this is a lovely room! I love the sloping ceiling—it brings in so much light! And what a fabulous sunset! Look at it!’

‘I know. I could sit and watch the sky changing all day long.’ He lifted down a dish of nuts and raisins from the bookcase, and offered it to her. ‘Just keep Rufus out of them because of the raisins.’

‘Would he steal food?’

He looked down at Rufus, sitting at her feet and begging shamelessly, and laughed.

‘What do you think?’

The food was wonderful. Simple, fresh, perfectly cooked and utterly delicious.

Rather like her host. Well, not simple. There was nothing simple about Nick Cooper, as she’d already thought, but now, after spending the last hour or so with him, lingering over their dinner, she’d seen more of that other side of him. There was a whole world of stuff going on behind his eyes, and she had no idea who or what had hurt him most, but he’d certainly been affected badly by his brother’s death.

Survivor guilt? Maybe. Or maybe just plain grief.

They were back in the sitting room, with her curled up in the corner of a sofa, him sprawled on an adjacent one at right angles and a box of after-dinner mints between them, and she turned her head and searched his eyes in the lamp light.

‘Tell me about your brother,’ she said softly.

He looked away, his body utterly still, and she wished she hadn’t asked, but it was too late now and maybe he needed to talk.

‘What do you want to know?’

‘Not the medical stuff. The other stuff. What was he like, what could he do, what was your role?’

He met her eyes again. ‘My role?’

She nodded, searching his eyes, but they weren’t giving anything away. ‘Every family with a disabled child has altered priorities. It’s inevitable. I guess you found that.’

He held her eyes, and for a fleeting second the shutters opened and she saw raw pain and regret, then he looked away again.

‘Yeah, I guess you could say that. So, my role.’ He shrugged. ‘I was his brother. You know the song “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”? It’s not that simple. He was a lead weight in my life, but he was also an anchor, someone to listen, someone who loved me unconditionally.’

‘Could he communicate?’

‘Oh, yes. He could talk, sort of. I could understand him, and we used to have fun before he got too ill. It was OK when we were kids, it was just normal for me, what life was, but then when I was twelve and he was eleven, my mother got accidentally pregnant with twins. And everything changed.’

‘Everything?’

He nodded. ‘My father gave up his job and started working from home, so he could be there to support my mother, and more and more of Samuel’s care fell on me. Obviously I was going to school and so was he, when he was well enough. He went to a special school and they’d come and pick him up in their adapted minibus, but in the evenings and at weekends and in the holidays, more and more it was me hanging out with him so Mum could be with the girls and Dad could work. And we stopped going out, really, because Samuel was getting heavier and it was harder to move four kids with the wheelchair, too, and it was a special chair, a bit reclined, so getting a vehicle that would take us all was impossibly hard. I think it just got too difficult, to be honest, so we stopped doing it.’

‘So your family life revolved around your home and your brother?’

He nodded. ‘Yes. Totally. And because my father needed to earn a living it ended up with me being asked to look after the girls or Samuel, so Mum could do the other stuff. I was nearly seventeen by then, wanted my own life, and the girls were five and wanted to do things I hated, so I was spending my life either shut in a room with Sam while I did my homework or revision, or hanging out in playgrounds and supervising the girls in the garden and trying to keep them out of trouble, and all I got from them was, “You’re not our daddy, you can’t tell us what to do.” So I decided it was my turn.’

She frowned at that, because there was something in his voice that made her blood run cold. ‘Your turn?’

He swallowed. ‘Yeah. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to ride my bike off the garage roof.’

She felt her eyes widen. ‘What? How? Why?’

His chuckle held a world of pain. ‘To get attention? I knew I’d hurt myself, but I was past caring. It was the summer holidays, I was sick of being used, and our garden was on a slope, with the garage cut into the bank. It stuck up about three feet at the back, so I found a plank, propped it up against the back wall to make a ramp, rode my bike down the hill, up the plank, straight across the garage roof and onto the drive.’ He gave her a slightly twisted little grin and put another mint chocolate in his mouth. ‘Needless to say it didn’t end well.’

She felt sick. ‘What happened?’

‘My left pedal broke as I landed, so I trashed my ankle, crashed down onto the crossbar and shattered my pelvis.’ He paused for a moment, then added with a wry smile, ‘There was a bit of other collateral damage in the area, too.’

Her eyes widened. ‘Collateral damage?’

His smile was wry and hid a world of pain. ‘Let’s just say that’s why Rachel and I never had children—well, one of the reasons.’

Good grief. She could only imagine what he might have done, and none of it was good. ‘Did you pass out?’

He laughed again, that hollow chuckle she was getting used to, and shook his head. ‘Sadly not, not for a single second. Well, not until the paramedics arrived and straightened out my ankle. That wasn’t fun. None of it was fun, to be fair, and my parents were distraught, my sisters were in floods of tears, I could hear Samuel calling because he’d realised something was going on, and I just felt sick. That could have been pain, of course, but whatever. I had their attention, at least.’

‘And did it help you?’

That laugh again. ‘No. No, of course not, not in any way. Well, it did, eventually, I suppose. I realised a little better what Samuel went through on a daily basis if nothing else. There’s nothing like being a teenage boy and having someone else wipe your—well, whatever, independence with personal care is something I now prize very highly.’

‘I bet you do. Poor you.’

‘Poor me? I was an idiot. It was a stupid thing to do, and I got exactly what I deserved. My parents, though, didn’t deserve any of it, and all it did was stress and upset them even more, so on top of the resentment was a whole world of guilt. I pulled myself together after that, once I got out of hospital, and so did they a bit, in that they’d ask me how I felt about doing things to help out, and I learned to tell them. It was a revelation for all of us.’

She frowned at that. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘I’d never complained. Anything they asked me to do, I just did it, and the resentment got bigger and bigger until I couldn’t cope with it.’

‘Hence the crazy stunt?’

‘Hence the crazy stunt. My father called me an idiot, and he was absolutely spot-on. I’ll live with the consequences of it for ever. That’s what happens with self-inflicted life-changing injuries. You get the rest of your life to remind yourself you were an idiot—and if that comes over as self-pitying, it’s not meant to. I know it was my fault, I’ve accepted that, and I’ve come to terms with the consequences and learned to live with it.’

She wasn’t convinced. ‘How long were you in hospital? You must have had some horrendous damage,’ she said contemplating the extensive microsurgery he must have had.

‘Weeks. I don’t know how many. I missed the start of the autumn term, I know that. Plenty of time to feel sorry for myself while I was having all sorts of surgery on my most personal places,’ he said with a slightly awkward laugh.

And yet he’d been married, so... ‘You must have had a good surgeon,’ she said, and he nodded.

‘Yeah, I did. An excellent surgeon, but even he couldn’t rescue me entirely. You could say I discovered the concept of self-preservation the hard way.’

Her mind pictured a young man on the brink of adulthood facing weeks or months of rehabilitation and the news that his life would be changed for ever just because of a foolish stunt that had gone horribly wrong. ‘That’s a tough lesson to learn,’ she said, watching the laughter fading from his face.

‘It was, but it could have been a lot worse. My surgeon’s one of the reasons I went into medicine. I contemplated a career in urology for a bit.’

‘And then you went into general practice.’

‘Yes. Because it offers variety and a more flexible career path, and I wanted to be there for Samuel. I owed it to him, and to my parents, and I could be closer to them that way. And I’m OK. Well, apart from the kids, but I’ve come to terms with that. I thought Rachel had, too, but she left me when Samuel was getting worse and I was on call to my parents more and more often, because she’d met someone else.’

‘She left you then? When you really needed support? Nick, that’s awful!’

‘It happens, though. Your husband left you when you were pregnant.’

‘Yes, well, we won’t talk about him,’ she said, dismissing him and picking up another chocolate. ‘So, did Rachel have children with this new man?’

‘Yes. She was pregnant when she left me, and of course there was no way it could be mine, not without IVF.’

‘IVF? So that’s still an option?’

‘Yeah. There was a chance they could aspirate some viable sperm cells from the undamaged tissue if we’d really wanted to try for children, but it meant IVF with all the drugs and stuff, so it wouldn’t be easy and there were no guarantees, and she wasn’t interested in doing that. She’d had a friend who’d had a horrendous experience, and it freaked her out so she wouldn’t consider it.’

‘And that’s the only way?’

‘Oh, yes. The tubes were shredded beyond repair, so I am well and truly firing blanks.’

Her brain was still processing what he’d told her when she opened her mouth.

‘So I guess that means it all still works otherwise?’ she asked without thinking, and he started to laugh as she felt her face burn up. She buried it in her hands and met his eyes over her fingertips. ‘I can’t believe I said that. Oh, I’m so sorry—’

He shook his head slowly, his eyes laughing. ‘Oh, no, don’t be, it’s worth it just to see your face. And, yes, it does all still work, thank you for your concern.’

He grinned, his eyes alight with mischief now. ‘My mother found that out. She came into the bathroom and caught me doing what teenage boys do a lot, and she went pink, said, “Well, that answers that question,” and shut the door behind her. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment, and I didn’t leave the bathroom for well over an hour.’

She bit her lip, but the laugh wouldn’t stay inside and they ended up in stitches.

‘Sorry. I know it isn’t really funny, but...’

‘It sort of is. Didn’t feel it at the time, but I can laugh about it now.’

‘So. you must have been very lucky—either that or the surgeon was particularly brilliant. I can’t believe you got away with it. That’s amazing.’

‘It is. Want to check it out?’

She met his eyes, startled, and for a breathless moment neither of them said anything, but then he grinned and leant back with another chocolate, and she saw the twinkle in his eyes.

‘I think I’ll pass, if that’s OK,’ she said with a smile, but her heart was pounding and all she could see was that crisp white linen at the far end of the house and she wanted him like she’d never wanted anyone before.

Why had he said that?

Just when it was all going well and everything seemed fine and comfortable between them, he went and messed it up.

That weird thing with his heart again, and although he’d only been joking, he kind of hadn’t been. Not really.

Not that he’d have expected her to say yes, but he certainly wouldn’t have turned her down. He’d probably put her off with all the gory stuff.

He swung his legs off the sofa and got to his feet. ‘I’m sure I’ll get over it. Fancy another coffee?’

She shook her head and stood up, still looking a little flustered. ‘No, I—I ought to go home. Things to do.’

‘At eleven o’clock on a Friday night?’

She looked at her watch, more for something to do than to tell the time, he thought, and then looked back up at him.

‘Nick, I...’ She let out a shaky breath and walked past him down the stairs and stopped at the door. ‘I need to go.’

He followed her down and stopped an arm’s length away from her, just for safety’s sake, and met her eyes. They were filled with all sorts of things he couldn’t begin to analyse, but rejection wasn’t one of them.

‘You don’t, not if you don’t want to. I wasn’t hitting on you, Ellie, but I’d be more than happy if you wanted to stay. Truly.’

Their eyes locked, and for what felt like hours but was probably only seconds, neither of them breathed. And then she took a tiny step towards him, then another one.

‘It’s really not a good idea,’ she said, her voice thready, her breath soft against his face.

‘No, it probably isn’t.’ He lifted a hand and stroked his knuckles down her cheek, then turned his hand and dragged his thumb slowly over her dry lips. She flicked her tongue out to moisten them, and his breath hitched in his throat and he swallowed.

‘Stay with me, Ellie,’ he said gruffly, and with a broken little sigh she stepped into his arms and lifted her face up to his.

CHAPTER FOUR

HIS STRONG HANDS cradled her face gently as his head came down to meet hers, his mouth warm and supple.

His touch was delicate, but it seemed to reach every nerve cell in her body. She felt the tender caress of his fingertips against her cheeks, the heat of his tongue as he stroked her lips, tracing the tiny gap between them, and she parted them and felt his breath fill her mouth before his tongue claimed it.

He tasted of coffee and chocolate with a hint of mint, and his kiss was sure and slow, searching, tempting. She heard a tiny sound—hers?—and he let go of her face and eased her body up against his, letting out a low groan as they came into contact from top to toe.

‘You feel so good,’ he whispered, rocking his hips against hers, and she squeezed her legs together to soothe the raging need as one hand slid round and cradled her breast, the other pressing her closer, lifting her hard against him so she felt the unmistakable jut of his erection against her body.

‘OK, you didn’t lie,’ she said breathlessly, to defuse the tension, and she felt the soft huff of his laughter in her mouth.

‘I think it probably needs a more thorough examination,’ he murmured, and the smile in his voice made her laugh.

‘Oh, definitely, but maybe standing by a glass door with the light on isn’t the best place for it,’ she mumbled, and he laughed again and eased away from her, his eyes oddly intense as the smile faded and the heat ramped up again.

‘Come to bed,’ he murmured, and she nodded and watched him swallow, the tension like a tight cord between them as he took her hand and led her down the corridor to his bedroom. He closed the door and turned back the covers, but he didn’t put on the light. He didn’t need to, because the room was flooded with moonlight, slanting across the floor and highlighting every plane of his face, leaving his eyes in shadow.

He held out his hand and led her to the bed, then cupped her face again in gentle fingers that weren’t quite steady.

‘I want you so much,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ve wanted to touch you, to hold you, since you let rip at me in Reception.’

‘I have no idea why, I was horribly rude,’ she said, feeling another wash of shame about the way she’d behaved, but he just smiled, and as he tipped his head on one side there was a twinkle in his eyes that could have been the moonlight, but she didn’t think so.

‘You were, but you were outrageously beautiful with it.’ His fingers traced her face, the touch making her nerve endings dance as his hands moved slowly lower, his fingers finding the hem of her top and sliding up under it.

She sucked in her breath, pulling her post-baby tummy in, and she saw him frown as he stroked the skin with his warm hand.

‘Why are you doing that? Relax. You’re beautiful, Ellie.’

‘I’m flabby.’

‘No. You’ve had three children. Be proud of your body and what it’s achieved. It’s amazing. Such a gift. Don’t ever feel ashamed of that.’

And just like that, he took away her worries, the niggle of fear that he wouldn’t want her when he’d seen her, and freed her to be herself.

‘I think you’re wearing too much,’ she said to him, suddenly braver, and he laughed again and took a step back.

‘I think we’re both wearing too much,’ he said with a smile, and pulled his sweater over his head, hooked his thumbs in his waistband and shucked off his jeans and underwear in one.

‘Better?’ he asked, and she just stared at him, at the fit, honed body that clearly wanted hers, the strong, straight legs, the board-flat abs, the deep chest and powerful shoulders, and felt another wave of doubt.

‘Hey,’ he murmured, a little frown pleating his brow again, and he stepped closer again and touched her face. ‘Do you want me to close the curtains?’

She shook her head. ‘No. I’m just being a coward.’

‘Then let me help you,’ he said quietly, and took hold of the hem of her top and lifted it up and over her head, dropping it on the floor with his clothes. He undid the button on her jeans and tugged them down inch by inch, his mouth tracing down over her ribs, her stomach—sucked in again—and then pausing.

‘Lacy knickers,’ he said with a smile, and left them there while he stripped off her jeans, impatient now. ‘Lift up,’ he instructed, and eased them off one foot at a time, then straightened and pulled her up against him. ‘That’s better,’ he murmured, and his mouth found hers again in a gentle kiss.

Except it wasn’t gentle, not for long. She felt his fractured sigh in her mouth and gave a tiny whimper in response, and that was enough. With a ragged groan he cradled the back of her head with one hand, hauled her hard up against him and plundered her mouth, his tongue delving, searching, duelling with hers as they rocked against each other, their bodies striving for more.

‘I need you,’ he breathed, the air shuddering from his body, and she felt her legs turn to jelly.

‘I need you, too,’ she told him, and then they were on the bed in a tangle of arms and legs and desperate, seeking hands, their mouths locked together as their bodies found each other. Her underwear was gone, his hands on every inch of her, so clever, so knowing.

‘Now, Nick, please...’

She gasped as he entered her, caught his groan in her mouth and they stilled, letting sensation wash over them.

‘Ah, that feels so good,’ he said after the longest moment, and then he kissed her again and started to move. She met him thrust for thrust, her body arching into his, touching him everywhere she could reach while his hands sought out all her sweet spots as if he knew her better than she knew herself.

She felt the tension building, her hands clawing at him now, begging, pleading, and then she was there, wave after wave of sensation crashing over her as his body stiffened and he surged into her one last time.

Then the tension drained from them both, and he sagged against her, a soft huff of laughter teasing her skin as he rolled to his side and took her with him, his chest rising and falling as his breathing slowed and returned to normal. He lifted a hand and smoothed the hair off her face and then kissed her, a lingering brush of his lips before he let out a long, heartfelt sigh and smiled, his eyes tender.

‘That was amazing,’ he murmured, sifting her hair with his fingers, his smile contented.

She smiled back and lifted her hand to cradle his jaw, the slight graze of stubble prickling her palm.

‘It was. I think I love your surgeon.’

He chuckled, a deep rumble in his chest, and rolled onto his back with a long, drawn-out sigh.

She propped herself up on one elbow and studied his body, stretched out in the moonlight in all its glory. ‘You had an ex-fix on your pelvis,’ she said, tracing the little silver scars on his hipbones with a fingertip.

‘Mmm. I had one on my ankle, as well, until they were able to rebuild it.’

‘Is that why you limp sometimes? Your ankle?’

He nodded. ‘It doesn’t like the cold. I tried an ice bath once just to see what it was like, and it was excruciating. There’s a ton of scaffolding in it, but hey. At least I still have my foot. I nearly didn’t.’

She felt her eyes widen. ‘It was that bad? You really did trash yourself, didn’t you?’

‘Oh, yeah.’ His smile was wry. ‘I don’t think my parents have ever got over it.’

‘Do they know why you did it?’

He nodded again, his smile fading. ‘I don’t remember telling them, but they gave me some pretty fancy drugs in hospital and apparently I blurted it all out and gave them a massive guilt trip. I just thought—I don’t know what I thought. Maybe I’d fall off my bike as it landed and I’d break my arm, or scrape myself on the ground and get a load of bruises. I never in a million years imagined just how badly I’d hurt myself, but as I lay there getting all that attention, there was a moment when I thought it had been worth it.’

‘But not now.’

‘Oh, no. Absolutely not, and the feeling didn’t last long. I was an idiot, and I suppose I got what I deserved, but you know, I was a kid, and my judgement was flawed. We all make mistakes, but most of them don’t hurt that much. Not just me, but everyone, and most particularly Samuel. That was what really hurt me, more than anything else.’

She stared at him, horrified. ‘Did they tell him why you did it?’

‘No. He guessed. He cried when he saw me, and told me I didn’t want to be like him, but while I lay there helpless for weeks I got a taste of what he went through all the time, and it changed me for the better. I suppose in a way it was worth it, just for that, to make me a better person. And there was plenty of room for improvement.’

She felt her eyes prickle for the boy he’d been, so desperate for someone to notice he was struggling, too kind to say so until it all got too much. She lay down again beside him, wrapping her arm around his waist, his arm around her shoulders as she laid her head on his chest and listened to the slow, steady beat of his heart. She felt the touch of his lips on her hair, the warm drift of his breath against her cheek.

‘I’m OK, Ellie. Truly. It was more than half my life ago. I’ve made my peace with it and it’s over now.’

Was it? Was it really? She wasn’t sure. She tilted her head back and tried to read his eyes, but the moon had gone behind a thin wisp of cloud and she couldn’t see him clearly any more.

He kissed her briefly, then pulled away and swung his legs over the side of the bed. ‘I need to take Rufus out for a minute and then settle him in his bed. Mind your eyes,’ he murmured, and reached out and turned on the bedside lamp and started to pull on his clothes.

She watched him, seeing the scars now in the lamp light, his left leg a mishmash of fine lines, the ankle slightly thicker.

At least I’ve still got my foot.

‘Are you taking him for a walk?’

‘Yes. Not far, just out onto the lane and down to the top of the steps so he can have a bit of a sniff around before he goes to bed. I won’t be long.’

‘I should go home,’ she said, not really wanting to but not wanting to outstay her welcome.

He turned back to her. ‘Really?’

She shrugged. ‘I haven’t got my toothbrush,’ she said, which sounded pathetic as it came out of her mouth, but it was the only thing she could come up with, and he gave a soft huff of laughter and sat back down on the edge of the bed, dropping a kiss on her lips.

‘I’m sure we can get round that. Please stay.’

It was the ‘please’ that did it, that and the look in his eyes which told her clearly that he meant it.

‘OK,’ she said softly, and he kissed her again.

‘Keep the bed warm for me,’ he said, and went out, leaving the door open.

She heard him walking briskly down the corridor, calling Rufus, heard the jingle of his collar and the sound of the front door closing, and she slipped out of bed to investigate the bathroom.

Did she have time for a shower before he got back? Maybe. She turned on the shower, stepped into the stream of hot water and reached for the shower gel. It smelt of him, the smell that had tantalised her all week, and as she smoothed it over her body she felt the caress of his hands, the touch of his mouth, the warmth of his arms around her.

Fantasy was a wonderful thing.

He heard water running, and settling Rufus with a biscuit he went back to his bedroom, closing the door in case the dog got any ideas.

She was in the shower, and he stripped off his clothes and went into the bathroom to join her.

‘That seems like a good idea,’ he said, sliding his arms around her from behind.

‘Oh! You made me jump,’ she said, turning and smiling up at him, and he smoothed the damp hair away from her face and found her mouth with his.

‘Sorry,’ he murmured. ‘I just couldn’t resist it.’

‘You’re too late, I’m done,’ she said sadly, and he smiled.

‘That’s a shame, but I’m not,’ he told her, then held his arms out to the side, his smile mischievous. ‘Well, go on, then. You know you want to.’

So she did. She explored every inch of his body with soapy hands, driving him crazy with every touch and leaving the best till last. Her hand closed around him and he shut his eyes, his breath hissing out as she stroked him firmly but annoyingly slowly.

‘You’re killing me.’

‘Mmm. Maybe it’s time to move this somewhere more comfortable,’ she said, and reached for a towel, leaving him to rinse.

He wasn’t far behind her...

She went home after breakfast, but only long enough to do some laundry and tidy up a bit, and then she went back to his house with a change of clothes and her toothbrush, and they spent the weekend doing nothing.

Well, not nothing. They walked Rufus along the beach and had lunch in the Harbour Inn down by the river, and then went back to his house and made love lazily all afternoon until, as he put it, she’d checked out all his scars and satisfied herself that everything worked. And then checked again...

He threw together a tasty pasta dish for supper, and they ate it on their knees in front of the television, then walked Rufus again before going back to bed, and the next day they got in the car and drove to Dunwich Heath and took Rufus for a longer walk with lots of things to sniff, then had lunch in the café and got back in the car to drive back to Yoxburgh.

Back to reality, she thought, and realised that for the first time ever, she hadn’t thought about the children all day, and that made her feel sick with guilt.

She was quiet in the car, a little unresponsive, the light-hearted banter of their weekend suddenly absent.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, when she’d been silent for a while.

She shrugged. ‘Nothing.’

‘Yeah, there is. Come on, talk to me. Don’t bottle things up. We need to be honest with each other, Ellie. If my stupidity taught me nothing else, it taught me that.’

She shrugged again. ‘I just feel guilty.’

‘Because of David? Tell me not, please.’

She stared at him for a second as if he was mad, and shook her head with a quiet laugh. ‘No. Absolutely not because of David. I have no guilt where he’s concerned.’

‘Good.’ He searched her eyes for a moment, then he slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road in a little layby on the edge of some woods and cut the engine, undoing his seat belt and shifting so he was facing her.

‘What happened, Ellie? Why did he leave you when you were pregnant?’

She sighed and looked away, staring blankly out of the windscreen. He had no idea what she was seeing in her head, but it didn’t seem to be making her very happy.

‘He didn’t believe the baby was his,’ she said softly after a pause so long he wondered if it would ever end. ‘He was away a lot—an awful lot, and he came back after being gone for nearly three months and of course as usual the first thing he wanted was to go to bed, but we didn’t have any condoms, and I wasn’t using oral contraception because I was still breastfeeding Oscar, so I said no, and he said it was fine anyway, while he’d been away he’d had the vasectomy he’d been talking about so I couldn’t get pregnant.’

‘But you did.’

She nodded. ‘Yes. I did. And when he came back six weeks later I’d done a test because I’d missed a period and it was positive, so I told him we were having another baby and he said it couldn’t possibly be his.’

He frowned, because it didn’t add up. ‘But—surely he’d been tested? Didn’t it occur to him to go back to the clinic and get them to check their results?’

‘There were no results,’ she said flat, her voice oddly flat. ‘He hadn’t been back for the tests—too busy, apparently. But he still didn’t believe it could be his, because they’d told him he’d be fine. Or so he said. So he told me he wanted me to have a termination, and I refused. I hadn’t really wanted him to have a vasectomy anyway, but he didn’t want any more children, and he said he certainly didn’t want someone else’s. I said he could hardly blame me if I had found someone else, as he left me alone so much. So he walked out.’

‘That’s what happened with me and Rachel. I was never there, so she found someone who was. It’s not unheard of.’

She shrugged. ‘I know, but I didn’t do that. Anyway, he took it as an admission of guilt and walked out. His parting shot was that he said he wasn’t supporting another man’s child. Then I got his mother on the phone, begging me to get a DNA test to prove the child’s paternity, and I refused, because I knew perfectly well who the father was, so he divorced me on grounds of adultery.’

‘And you didn’t contest it?’

‘I couldn’t be bothered, and anyway life was easier without him. So he divorced me, put the house in my name and he pays me maintenance, and when Evie was born she was the spitting image of the other two, of course. None of them look like me, so they’re either all his or none of them are, but he wouldn’t hear it.’

‘Couldn’t he see the resemblance?’ he asked, deciding the man was an idiot and hoping he never got to meet him, and she turned and gave him a tired smile.

‘Probably, but I think pride got in his way. Anyway, his mother had the test done without telling me, which made me furious, but of course then he had proof that he was wrong, and he wanted to come back.’

‘And you said no.’

‘I did. He didn’t trust me at the time, he didn’t believe me, he accused me of committing adultery and he’s never apologised because that would mean he’d have to admit he was in the wrong, and he’ll never do that. He says I misled him, implied I’d had an affair, which I hadn’t, I’d just said that he could hardly blame me if I had. Anyway, he now accepts Evie’s his, and he has all of them at the weekends, and he does his best to be a good father but we don’t always agree on how he does that.’

‘Does he spoil them?’

‘Always. They have what they want, which isn’t good for them, but hey. He has them, he maintains contact, and they need that so I just deal with the fallout and mitigate it where I can.’

‘What about his parents? What do they think?’

‘Oh, they’re furious with him for walking away from his family without establishing the facts, but they support him and they’ve always known Evie’s his. Liz just wanted to prove it to him, which she’s done, and although I was cross it was probably the right thing to do and at least he now acknowledges her.’

He nodded slowly. ‘OK, so that’s David out of the way, so why are you feeling guilty? Why now, today? Because of us?’

She shrugged again, her shoulders shifting a fraction in defeat. ‘Because of us doing this. Having fun. I haven’t thought about them once all day, Nick. What kind of a mother does that make me?’

‘A perfectly normal one. Your children are safe, you know that. You’re just having me time, and you’re entitled to do that, surely?’

‘It just seems wrong.’

‘Why? You have a right to be you.’

‘But I’m not being me. Me is the mother of three children, not...’

‘Not the warm, generous, vibrant woman who’s spent the last two nights in my bed making love with me? Making me laugh, making me smile? You can be both, Ellie. Sure, you’re a mother, but you’re also a woman, and you’re entitled to feelings that don’t revolve around your children. Time to be yourself, to do the other things that make you who you are. We can still do that.’

She shook her head. ‘How? I have every other weekend, that’s all, at best, and sometimes not even that. My time without them is so short, but I don’t really want them to form a relationship with you, because when it goes wrong they’ll be hurt and I don’t want that for them, and anyway that’s not what this is about, and it’s not like they need a father figure, so that cuts out any other time.’

‘So we’ll have every other weekend when we can, and we’ll make it special, and that’s fine. It’s fine with me, at least. I’m not a hormonal teenager, Ellie. I can do deferred gratification without getting all stroppy and demanding. It’s about quality, not quantity. I’m not going to behave like a spoilt brat if I don’t get to see you one weekend, either.’

Unlike David, who’d apparently wanted every second of her attention every time he’d seen fit to come back into her life for a few days before jetting off back to his real world. He didn’t say that, though, just left her to fill in the gaps.

‘I know you’re not like that, but you deserve more,’ she said, her voice oddly choked all of a sudden, but he shook his head.

‘I don’t want more than that, Ellie. I don’t need you twenty-four seven. And wonderful though I’m sure they are, I don’t need to be part of your children’s lives. They’ve got a father, as you’ve pointed out, and I’ve done standing in for the real father with my own sisters and it didn’t go well. Really, I’m fine with it. It suits me. I’m pretty self-sufficient. I don’t mind being alone. I like it. It makes a refreshing change after a lifetime of caring, believe me.’

She turned her head and searched his face, and he held her eyes and smiled.

‘Are you sure?’ she asked, and he nodded.

‘Yes, Ellie. I’m sure. We’ll get together when we can, and it’ll be fine.’

‘But—what if it’s not enough?’

‘It will be.’

‘But what if it’s not? What if we want more?’

‘Then we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it,’ he said, and leant over and cupped her chin in his hand and kissed her gently. ‘Don’t worry, Ellie. We’ll make it work. Maybe not always, but as often as we can.’

‘Are you sure? Sometimes he’s away for four or five weeks at a time.’

He smiled and kissed her again. ‘Then we’ll have to find another way. And anyhow, we’ll see each other every day at work.’

‘Three days. I only work three days.’

‘Even so. Don’t worry, Ellie. It’ll be fine.’

He gave her a reassuring smile, restarted the engine and drove back to his house.

‘Tea?’

She shook her head. ‘No, Nick, I need to go home. I’m not sure what time Liz will bring them back. It varies between four thirty and well after their bedtime, and they never tell me. I think he must imagine I hang myself up on a hook in the hall cupboard and wait for them to come home.’

He chuckled and drew her into his arms. ‘Go on, then. You go home to your hook, and I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll walk so you can have the parking place, just in case they’re on the drag tomorrow. I think the forecast is rain anyway and you don’t all need to get drenched.’

‘You’re such a star,’ she said, looking up into his eyes, and they creased with his smile.

‘I aim to please,’ he murmured, and kissed her lingeringly, then lifted his head and stared down at her. ‘Go home, Ellie, before I cart you off to bed and make you late.’

Oh, she was so tempted to let him. ‘I wish,’ she said with a tired huff of laughter, and then she laid her palm against his cheek. ‘Thank you, Nick—for everything. It’s been such a lovely weekend. I don’t remember when I last laughed so much.’

His smile touched her heart. ‘No. Nor do I. It’s been amazing.’ He kissed her again, and let her go with a reluctant smile. ‘Go on, go home. I’ll call you later.’

‘Don’t call. Text me, just in case they’re late. I might be putting them to bed still.’

He nodded, and she picked up the bag with her change of clothes in it and made her way home, the warmth of his smile wrapped around her heart.

‘Mummy, Mummy, look what Daddy got us!’

She frowned at the two tablets in their childproof, supposedly indestructible cases, and met Liz’s eyes over their heads.

‘I thought we had an agreement about this stuff?’ she said under her breath, trying to keep a lid on her frustration. ‘They’re too young for electronic devices, David knows that. It’s not good for their developmental skills. If he wants to entertain them, he needs to try talking to them.’

‘But you know what they’re like, Ellie. All Maisie talks about is unicorns and mermaids, and Oscar just wants to run about pretending to be an aeroplane. He doesn’t know where to start.’

‘So get him to talk about unicorns and aeroplanes! Or take them to the park, or soft play or something, instead of buying them expensive electronic babysitters so he can spend the whole weekend on his phone checking on his investments!’

‘He doesn’t do that,’ Liz protested weakly, but she knew better and said so.

‘I lived with him for five years, Liz. I know what he’s like.’ She shifted the sleepy baby to her other hip and eyed her mother-in-law steadily over Evie’s head. ‘What did he get Evie?’

She looked awkward. ‘He didn’t. Even he agrees she’s too young for a tablet. And I did ask, Ellie, but he’s not easy to reason with and he doesn’t really understand babies.’

She stifled a growl of anger and called the children. ‘Come and say goodbye to Grandma, please. And say thank you for your presents and having you for the weekend.’

It took a minute more before she could close the door behind her and let out the sigh of frustration. There was a scream locked up behind it, but she kept that under control and took them into the sitting room and put Evie down on the floor with a box of her toys.

‘Mummy, I can’t do this unicorn game!’ Maisie wailed, but the wail only increased when she took the machines away from her and Oscar and told them they’d be rationed to half an hour a day maximum, and only at the weekends.

She asked them what they’d done with their father, and from what she could glean it was not a lot apart from the wretched electronic devices, which he’d known she didn’t want them to have. By the time she got them all to sleep that night it was almost ten o’clock, and she was exhausted and even crosser, if that was possible.

She was sitting down with a coffee wondering how the judge might react if she killed him when she heard the message tone on her phone.

Nick, as promised.

How are things?

She snorted softly and wrote, He got them tablets. Not pharma, obvs. I might have to kill him.

Oh, dear. Best not. Not great for your career... Want to talk?

She rang him, and just the sound of his voice was enough to calm her fury.

‘Why did he do it?’ she asked, frustrated. ‘He knows what I think. We’ve had this conversation several times. He just ignores me and goes over my head.’

‘So take them away and tell them they can only have them when they’re with him. Simple.’

That made her laugh. ‘I can tell you haven’t met my children,’ she said. ‘And anyway, that’s not the worst of it. The thing I’m most angry about is that he didn’t get Evie anything at all. It’s like she doesn’t exist.’

‘How old is she?’

‘Fifteen months—and I know she doesn’t know what she’s missing, but it won’t be long. She’s his, too, for heaven’s sake, and he knows that now. Why can’t he treat them equally? I just wish...’

‘What? That he was a reasonable human being? That you were a better judge of character? Don’t go there. I’ve been through all of this with Rachel, all the “what ifs”, and if you let it, it’ll eat you alive. Deal with the tablets, ration the screen time, put up with the protests. They’ll get over it, although it’ll probably take a while. And buy something nice for Evie.’

She could hear the smile in his voice, and the sympathy, and she sighed and settled back against the sofa.

‘You’re such a reasonable human being.’

‘I wasn’t always. Maybe he just needs to learn the hard way, whatever that is.’

‘If only. I’m sorry, it’s not fair of me to unload on you, especially after such a lovely weekend,’ she said wistfully. ‘Thank you so much for going to so much trouble for me. It was like living out a fantasy. Just idyllic.’

‘Hey,’ he murmured, his voice soft. ‘Don’t sound so sad. We can do it again in two weeks. And anyway, it was no trouble, I seem to remember I wasn’t exactly left out of the fun.’

‘I just wish it wasn’t over. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies to bits, but it was just so nice to be the other me for a while.’

‘I know. So what are you doing now?’ he asked.

‘Lying on the sofa, drinking coffee.’

‘Decaf?’

She smiled wearily. ‘Don’t worry, it won’t keep me awake. For some reason I don’t seem to have had very much sleep this weekend.’

‘I wonder why that could be?’ he asked, and she could picture his lazy, sexy smile.

‘I can’t imagine,’ she murmured back, and then yawned hugely. ‘Oh, sorry, I really am pooped. I need to go to bed.’

‘Me, too. Rufus is out for the count. I think that walk at Dunwich was a bit long for him. It was lovely, though. We ought to do it again when the heather’s out.’

‘We should.’

She yawned again, and he laughed and said goodnight and she put her phone on charge and headed up to bed, still frustrated about the tablets but wrapped around now by the sound of Nick’s voice and the warmth of his smile.

And in two weeks’ time, they could do it all over again...

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