Copyright

Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2016

Copyright © Amanda Valentine 2016

Cover layout design © HarperColl‌insPublishers Ltd 2016

Cover photographs © Diane Kerpan/Arcangel (main image); Shutterstock.com (texture and apple)

Amanda Valentine asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008116552

Ebook Edition © November 2016 ISBN: 9780008116569

Version 2018-12-05

Dedication

For Jessica Valentine, who made the task of bringing up a teenager surprisingly easy

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Scarlett

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Scarlett

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Scarlett

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Scarlett

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Scarlett

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Scarlett

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Scarlett

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Scarlett

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Scarlett

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Scarlett

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Scarlett

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Scarlett

Chapter 25

Scarlett

Chapter 26

Scarlett

Chapter 27

Scarlett

Chapter 28

Scarlett

Chapter 29

Scarlett

Chapter 30

Scarlett

Chapter 31

Scarlett

Acknowledgements

Questions & Answers

Keep Reading …

About the Author

Also by Amanda Brooke

About the Publisher

Scarlett

You might as well know from the start, I’m not going to tell on him and I don’t care how much trouble I get in. It’s not like it could get any worse than it already is. Well, actually, it probably could get a whole lot worse, which is why I’m not doing it.

I can’t. Don’t ask me why, I just can’t.

It’s so unfair.

1
The Accusations

Monday, 22 February 2016

Nina sat alone at the breakfast bar as the sun began its slow ascent over the quiet Cheshire town of Sedgefield. The watery light had an ominous red tinge as it crept into the darkened kitchen of the pretty townhouse she shared with her husband and two teenage children. By rights, she should be unloading stock at the shop by now after an early morning trip to the flower market, but Nina was still in her dressing gown, her blonde hair pulled back in a butterfly clip, her face unwashed and her blue eyes dull and empty.

Nina had inherited a strong work ethic from her father, along with the family floristry business, and it had been going against everything he had taught her when she phoned her assistant Janet to say she wouldn’t be in. There were a handful of orders that Janet would do her best to complete from the slim pickings what would be left at the market by the time she got there, but Nina had told her not to worry and to turn down new business if she needed to. In truth, Nina didn’t care, and she had no idea when that situation might change. She wondered what her parents would make of the sorry mess she was in. She was almost glad they weren’t around to see it.

Ever since Scarlett had dropped her bombshell on Saturday night, Nina had been in a state of shock, and more than twenty-four hours later, she was still struggling to work out how she was meant to react. It didn’t help of course that Scarlett had barricaded herself in her bedroom. Nina had tried to reason with her, she had spoken gently to coax the truth out of her daughter, and when that had failed, she had yelled and made threats, only to be met with equal success.

With nothing except the most meagre of information to go on, Nina had no option but to sift through the minutiae of her life and question everything she had thought to be true. The returning answers were ones she didn’t want to hear, but she couldn’t ignore them, not any more, not when her fifteen-year-old daughter was pregnant.

And of all the questions she had, there was one that scared Nina most. Who the hell was the baby’s father?

2
Before

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Nina pulled up outside the house and paused for a moment to savour the new life she was slowly adjusting to. Something both marvellous and momentous had happened over the summer holidays: Nina Carrington was no more. The ever so slightly bitter divorcée who had brought up two children singlehandedly, vowing never to be financially or emotionally dependent on any man ever again, was no more. She blamed the Welshman.

She had met Bryn Thomas at a New Year’s Eve party thrown by one of Sedgefield’s most renowned citizens who happened to be Nina’s best friend and confidante. Sarah Tavistock and her husband Miles knew how to throw a good party and Sarah had high hopes every year of finding a suitable candidate for the vacancy in Nina’s life.

Yet despite Sarah’s valiant efforts, for the previous eight years Nina had been left feeling distinctly underwhelmed. It was going to take someone exceptional to persuade her to forsake the independent life she had become accustomed to, and, to everyone’s surprise, that someone had been the taxi driver who had dropped her off at the party.

Within six months, Nina couldn’t imagine life without her Welshman and by August, Nina Carrington had officially moved out, making room for Nina Thomas, the forty-two-year-old, newly married wife of Bryn. Nina’s second husband was a year younger than her, and as far removed from her first husband as she could hope. Where Adam Carrington had been a smooth operator, Bryn was quietly charming. He was attentive, he was eager to please, and he was gentle in spite of his muscular frame. Bryn did his best to keep in shape despite a job renowned for late nights fuelled by junk food, but he was by no means vain, which was perfect because Nina hadn’t been looking for an Adonis. She had been looking for someone who wasn’t expecting to be noticed, and when she had found him, the speed of their relationship had surprised them both, as it had her family and friends.

When Nina Thomas put her key in the front door, she pitied her former self, who would have been about to step quietly into an empty house. It was Liam and Scarlett’s first day back at school and Nina would normally be the first one home during term-time. What wasn’t normal, or at least not yet, was coming home to the aroma of home baking.

‘You’ve been busy,’ she said as she stepped into the large open-plan kitchen.

Bryn picked up a flapjack from the cooling rack and held it temptingly towards her. ‘Like to try one?’

Nina walked over and with her hands behind her back, opened her mouth while suppressing a smile. Bryn held the flapjack at a tantalizing distance so that Nina had to snatch a bite. When she bit down on the delicious mix of sweet, golden oats, toasted hazelnuts and juicy raisins, she groaned. ‘You’re deadly for my figure.’

‘I’d say it’s your figure that’s deadly,’ Bryn said, replacing the flapjack with a kiss.

‘You won’t be saying that after I’ve had a year of your home cooking.’

‘The recipe is low-fat and I’ve only used natural sugars. Besides, a little of what you fancy does you good.’

‘And what happens if you have too much of a good thing?’ Nina asked.

Bryn patted his stomach. ‘If I’m anything to go by, you won’t be gaining weight.’ There was a note of pride in his voice, but then a thought occurred. ‘But that’s only because I was turning into a bit of a couch potato before I met you. I’m not suggesting you need to lose weight.’

Nina gave a soft laugh. ‘Don’t panic, I know what you meant, but I could stand to lose a few pounds. Believe it or not, I was once as slim as Scarlett.’

‘And she has you to thank for her looks,’ he said, sounding serious all of a sudden. ‘You are without doubt the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, Nina.’

When she held his gaze, Nina felt such a rush of love that it took her breath away. She knew they were still in the honeymoon period and there would come a time when they would settle into a comfortable life but, right now, she wanted her husband and he knew it. The air fizzed between them.

‘The kids will be home soon,’ he said.

Letting out a frustrated sigh as she took control of her desires, Nina said, ‘I know. So what else have you been up to? I hope you’ve had a chance to get your head down.’

‘A few hours, once I knew the kids were off OK.’

Bryn worked the late shift for a local cab company and was out from early evening until the small hours. Before taking on the responsibilities of a family, he would have returned home and gone straight to bed, not rising until midday.

‘How were they this morning?’ Nina asked, having set off for the market shortly after Bryn had come home.

‘I wouldn’t go as far as to say they were raring to go,’ he said, ‘but they were both up in time to eat breakfast, even if Scarlett did have to rush to catch the bus. Liam was his usual leisurely self, so if he was running late, I didn’t notice.’

Nina scrutinized Bryn’s slate-grey eyes. He was painting a picture of average family life that didn’t quite fit with her household. For most of their young lives, her children had endured an absent father and an overworked mother who had either dragged them out of bed to stay with a childminder, or more recently, left them to their own devices in the mornings and hoped for the best.

Liam was the oldest at seventeen and Scarlett two years younger, and despite the challenges of single-parenting, they had all been happy enough with their unremarkable lives. Nina wasn’t sure if her children had ever considered the possibility that she might find a new man; Bryn had been her one and only serious relationship since her divorce. Their reaction to his sudden appearance had been muted, and while they hadn’t gone as far as refusing to accept Bryn into their lives, neither had they welcomed him. Liam had continued with his usual routines, which rarely involved leaving his room; for the most part, his acceptance had been less tangible. Scarlett, on the other hand, was more aloof than hostile. Nina had watched anxiously as her daughter attempted to work out how, or even if she should, acknowledge Bryn’s intrusion into the family.

Aware that the idyllic family life of her dreams was still a work in progress, Nina asked, ‘Did you actually see them?’

‘I piled a plate high with toast to tempt them,’ he said in a low hush as if he were a naturalist out in the field waiting for a glimpse of some rare species. ‘Using a newspaper as a hide, I heard the female approach. The fridge door opened, orange juice was poured and there was the distinctive crunch of toast. When I looked up, the juice had been discarded and the creature was cursing under her breath as she slammed the front door.’

‘And the male?’

‘He was far more elusive, and I must have become distracted by the sports section, because the next thing I knew, the last of the toast had been reduced to crumbs, and with a gentle click, the front door closed again.’

‘Did either of them actually speak to you?’ Nina said, her playful tone replaced by one of exasperation. When Bryn winced in response, she added, ‘Not even a good morning, please or thank you?’

‘It’s the first day of term, what did you expect?’

‘A bit of gratitude wouldn’t have gone amiss, given how you stayed up to make them breakfast.’ She looked at the flapjacks, and added, ‘And I suppose those are to make their homecoming more welcoming?’

‘I enjoy baking. I enjoy having a family to look after.’

Nina slipped her arms around her husband’s neck, which was quite a stretch. She was the shortest member of the household and even Scarlett towered over her these days. ‘Well, if my self-centred children don’t appreciate you, I do. I really did get lucky when I phoned for that taxi.’

‘Oh for God’s sake, get a room,’ someone said from behind them.

Rather than pull away from the embrace as Bryn intended, Nina drew him closer for a kiss, not caring that it would intensify her daughter’s mortification. If she couldn’t convince her children to accept Bryn, she was going to make it absolutely clear how important he was to her. Marrying Bryn Thomas was not the symptom of a midlife crisis, as Sarah had suggested on more than one occasion. There were simply times when something felt right because it was right.

By the time Nina was ready to face her daughter, Scarlett had turned her back on them and was inspecting the contents of the fridge. Gone were the days when her daughter looked cute in her new uniform. Her plaid skirt had been rolled up at the waist so that it was a couple of inches higher than the regulatory knee-length, although thankfully still longer than most of the outfits she was inclined to wear these days.

When Scarlett picked up a half-eaten bar of chocolate, Nina said, ‘Why don’t you try a flapjack?’

‘Chocolate’s good for you,’ Scarlett said, snapping a piece from the bar.

Nina tutted. ‘You do know that’s just a myth? There’s no scientific evidence behind it.’

Scarlett popped the chocolate in her mouth and beamed a smile. ‘I’ll take my chances.’

‘The flapjacks will keep, I’ll put them in a container,’ Bryn said. ‘They’re only a hundred calories each, and they have slow-releasing energy.’

Under her mother’s withering glare, Scarlett’s conscience was pricked. ‘I suppose I could take some out tonight for my mates.’

‘Out? Tonight?’ Nina repeated. ‘I don’t think so. Summer holidays are over and you have your GCSEs this year. No socializing during the week and only once at the weekend.’

Scarlett’s jaw dropped. ‘You can’t do that!’

‘It’s not open for discussion, Scarlett. That’s how it is. And by the way,’ Nina added, dropping her gaze to Scarlett’s hands, ‘when I told you last night to take off your nail varnish, I meant take it off. You know the school rules, and by my reckoning you’re breaking at least half a dozen.’

‘But, Mum, nobody cares. Everyone wears makeup and nail varnish, and the teachers don’t say a thing. If you’re that bothered, I’ll put nail-varnish remover in my bag and, if any of the teachers freak out, I’ll take it off.’

‘No, do it now.’

Scarlett shoved another piece of chocolate in her mouth before returning the remainder to the fridge. ‘If I do, can I still go out tonight? It’s not as if school’s started properly.’

In the midst of their negotiations, Liam had appeared like a spectre only vaguely aware of the world around him. Without uttering a word, he grabbed something from the fridge and wedged it between two slices of bread before disappearing.

‘I give up, honestly I do.’

Scarlett’s face lit up and she ran over to give her mum a dramatic hug. ‘Thank you, Mum,’ she said, scurrying out of the kitchen before Nina realized her daughter thought she had been talking to her. Nina was going to have to up her game if she were to avoid being outmanoeuvred by her children in the coming year.

Nina stood on the landing staring at two firmly closed bedroom doors, and as she listened to Bryn preparing dinner downstairs she could feel her frustration get the better of her. She accepted that they were all in a period of adjustment, but was it too much to expect Liam and Scarlett to at least acknowledge the efforts their stepfather was making, even if they chose not to reciprocate? Her marriage could be a great opportunity for them to have a male role model in their lives at long last, if only they would recognize it.

Liam and Scarlett’s dad worked on the North Sea oil rigs and lived a single life in Aberdeen as far as Nina was aware. His children rarely had contact with him and it had been a year or two since either of them had made noises about going to stay with him. Nina had been a lone parent in every sense of the word and, despite heroic efforts, there had been limits to the advice and support she could offer her children, not to mention time. Bryn could bridge the gap. He was bridging the gap, and while Nina wasn’t quite ready to drive the point home forcefully, she wasn’t averse to helping things along.

She tapped on Liam’s door and, after receiving no reply, pushed against the doorstop her son used to deter unwelcome visitors. The door opened only a fraction, revealing a darkened room thick with stale air. A flicker of blue light suggested Liam was using some form of electronic device to communicate with his virtual world.

‘Liam?’

When she received a grunt in response, she asked, ‘How was your first day back?’

‘Fine.’

‘Dinner won’t be long. Bryn’s trying out a new recipe.’

Nina hadn’t posed a question so received no answer or acknowledgement.

‘Have you made plans for the weekend?’ she continued, and although it was a question this time, an answer wasn’t necessary. If Liam had friends outside school, they rarely met, not in the real world at least. ‘Sarah’s suggested we all go out for Sunday lunch. I’d like us all to go.’

There was a hiss of annoyance, but not an outright refusal.

‘OK?’ she asked.

‘OK, Mum. Is that all?’

‘Great, lovely. I’m so looking forward to having quality time with my family,’ she muttered under her breath as she closed the door and turned her attention towards Scarlett’s room.

Of the two adolescents Nina had to contend with, she held out most hope for Scarlett. At fifteen, she was still young enough to want to please her mum, or at least Nina hoped that was the case. She tapped lightly on the door and walked in.

Scarlett was sitting at her dressing table absorbed in the task of applying dramatic sweeps of eyeliner to accentuate violet eyes that were already guaranteed to draw attention. She had always been a pretty child and undoubtedly she would become a beautiful woman one day, but at that precise moment she was somewhere in between and it didn’t rest easy with Nina. Her daughter had plenty of friends who were boys and one day, perhaps soon, she would break someone’s heart and most likely have hers broken in return. The best Nina could hope for was that Scarlett wouldn’t follow her example and leave it until middle age to find the one.

‘Scarlett!’ Nina shouted loud enough to be heard above the music being channelled through headphones and assaulting her daughter’s eardrums.

Scarlett jumped and the delicate flick of black she had been applying zigzagged towards her temple.

‘For f—’ Scarlett began, only to check herself. ‘Flipping heck, Mum. What did you do that for? You scared the sh—, the life out of me!’

Try as she might, Nina couldn’t keep a straight face. ‘I think you need to redo your makeup.’

Scarlett turned back to the mirror and examined the damage. ‘Oh great, now I’ll have to start again. I’m going to be late.’

‘Late out, but not late back,’ Nina told her. ‘Where are you going anyway?’

‘Only Eva’s.’

‘To do homework?’ Nina asked hopefully.

‘On the first day back? Not even my teachers are that mean.’

‘How was school?’

Scarlett pulled a face. ‘Mrs Russell has left. She got a better job in Chester.’

‘Good for her,’ Nina said. Scarlett owed much of her academic success to the woman who had been her form tutor for the last four years. Whenever there had been a suggestion that she was becoming distracted or disheartened, Mrs Russell had managed to get her back on an even keel. ‘You’re going to miss her, aren’t you?’

Scarlett shrugged. She preferred not to admit to liking any of her teachers and Nina had to read between the lines. ‘So who’s her replacement?’

Wiping her eyelid with a dampened cotton bud, Scarlett appeared disinterested in both the question and her answer. ‘Mr Swift.’

‘Ooh, isn’t he that good-looking English teacher?’

The soiled cotton bud was cast across the dressing table. ‘Urgh, if you’re into ancient relics.’ A smile began to form as she drew her dazzling violet eyes away from her reflection and towards her mum. ‘He’s about to turn thirty and the whole of our form convinced him he’s losing his hair. He’s probably gone home to ask his wife if he really does have the massive bald spot we all swore we could see.’

‘The poor man.’

‘Linus said he’s going to bring in one of his granddad’s caps as a birthday present.’

‘Ah yes, Linus. Will he be at Eva’s tonight?’

‘Probably,’ Scarlett said as she began reapplying her eyeliner.

Scarlett had spent most of the summer helping her best friend Eva convert her parent’s garage into a crash pad. She had stayed over so often that Nina had felt obliged to send groceries as a contribution to Eva’s parents’ burgeoning shopping bill. According to Eva’s mum, they had a strict no smoking and no drinking policy in place, and thanks to an internal door that meant an adult could barge in at any moment, Nina was reassured that they weren’t up to anything else either.

‘I hope you behave yourselves.’

There was a split second where Scarlett might have been about to ask her mother what she meant, but they had already had that conversation and Scarlett was in no hurry for a repeat. ‘We will.’

Having remained on the threshold, Nina looked over her shoulder towards Liam’s closed door. ‘Boys might seem a mystery to you now, but, believe me, it doesn’t get any better.’

The comment had been directed to herself as much as it was to her daughter, and Scarlett chose not to respond.

‘You do know you can talk to me about anything, don’t you?’ Nina continued.

Scarlett huffed, suggesting she didn’t quite agree.

‘What?’

‘I would have thought you’re too loved up to be bothered about what’s going on in my life any more.’

‘Just because Bryn is here, it doesn’t mean I haven’t got time for you, Scarlett,’ Nina said carefully. ‘I know you’re getting to an age where you can make your own decisions, and I trust you to make the right ones, but sometimes it helps to talk them through with someone, and not only me. Maybe Bryn can give you the male perspective where I can’t.’

Scarlett put down her eyeliner. ‘OK, Mum, is this conversation about me, or could it possibly be about Bryn?’ she asked.

Nina felt her heart being pulled in two opposing directions. She and her children had made a formidable partnership over the years and she didn’t want that part of her life to change. ‘All I ask is for you and Liam to give him a chance. He’s not trying to foist himself on you as your new dad. We both know you’d only resent him if he tried.’ Nina left a pause in the hope that Scarlett might tell her she was worrying for nothing, but her silence told her all she needed to know. ‘Please, Scarlett.’

Scarlett bit her lip. This was another conversation they’d had many times before, right up to the eve of her wedding, in fact. Both Liam and Scarlett had needed some convincing that Bryn wasn’t a con artist preying on a lonely woman who just so happened to have a house and a business. It didn’t help that Bryn had made the mistake of mentioning to Sarah that he had been made bankrupt in a previous life, and so Sarah had sided with the children. Nina had told them to trust her judgement, and although that argument hadn’t been completely won, she clung to the hope that one day Scarlett and Liam would come to love Bryn as much as she did.

‘I’ll try,’ Scarlett promised.

Leaving a pause that was thick with disappointment, Nina asked, ‘What time are you planning on coming home?’

‘Eleven.’

‘Ten.’

‘Ten-thirty?’

‘If you’re expecting me to pick you up, it has to be ten o’clock, Scarlett. Some of us have to get up at five.’

‘I could walk. It’s not far.’

‘Not at that time of night.’

‘I’ll get a taxi.’

‘Bryn will be out then, I could ask him to pick you up?’

The refusal was already forming on Scarlett’s lips, but with her promise to her mum still fresh in both their minds, she managed another shrug. ‘I suppose.’

‘Great, so that’s settled. And like I said earlier, don’t think this is a regular occurrence. As of next week, studying begins in earnest. You’ve worked really hard to get this far, don’t fall at the last hurdle, Scarlett.’

‘Mum, it’s the first day, at least give me a chance to mess up before you go into nag mode,’ Scarlett replied before returning to the task of putting on her makeup.

Rather than leave, Nina crept deeper into the room until she was standing behind her daughter. She waited for Scarlett to stop what she was doing and look at her mum through the reflection in the mirror. Nina kissed the top of her head. ‘Sorry. I should have more faith in you,’ she said.

‘No arguments from me,’ Scarlett said with a smile and the kind of assured tone that Nina was convinced would see her daughter achieve the A-star grades her teachers were predicting.

Sunday, 6 September 2015

There was a varied selection of restaurants in and around Sedgefield, and if it were up to Nina, she would have been happy enough with the local pub for Sunday lunch, but Sarah had other ideas. The two friends had known each other from childhood, back when Nina had helped out at her dad’s shop and Sarah had faced a similar plight in the shop next door. Unfortunately for Sarah, her father had been a butcher; she would often sneak off to help Nina with her flower arranging, if only to avoid the smell of blood and guts.

Despite the similarity in their backgrounds, Sarah’s life had taken turns that neither of them could have imagined. Sarah would say she had more of an incentive to turn from the paths their parents had led them towards, but it also helped that she had a driving ambition. She had gradually taken over the management of the butcher’s and introduced new product lines until the business was as well known for its delicatessen as it was for fresh meat. When she had married Miles, he had encouraged her to diversify into property management and goodness knew what else. Nina often wondered what she might have made of herself if she had hated flowers as much as Sarah hated raw meat. Would she have gone on to explore new and exciting opportunities instead of being satisfied with business as usual?

As things stood, Nina lived an average life with average expectations, while Sarah had become accustomed to a certain level of service. Pub grub would not do and a table had been booked at the Stone Bridge, a restaurant that overlooked the Bridgewater Canal and was on track for its first Michelin star.

‘Are we happy with the table?’ Miles asked, pulling out a chair for his wife.

Nina had already taken her seat and felt Bryn’s hand on the back of her chair in a clumsy attempt to follow Miles’ example. ‘It’s a lovely view,’ she said.

‘Hmm,’ Miles said, glancing out of the window only briefly. They were on the upper floor of the restaurant, which had a grand view of the dense Cheshire countryside that had yet to be touched by autumn’s scorching fingers. Sarah’s husband was more interested in checking the distance between their table and those on either side, which were both occupied. Even if he had wanted to move, which he was obviously considering, the restaurant was almost full and their options would be limited. ‘I suppose it will do.’

‘I hope you’re all hungry,’ Sarah said, ‘and I don’t want to hear anyone suggesting we skip starters.’ She was directing the comment towards Scarlett and added, ‘You can always give dessert a miss if you want to watch your figure.’

Scarlett blushed fiercely but said nothing.

‘She doesn’t need to watch her figure. She’s perfect as she is,’ Bryn said.

His tone had been light but there was no mistaking the defensiveness in his remark and it made Nina smile. He was protecting her family, but judging from Sarah’s expression she wasn’t reading it that way.

‘You think so?’ she said, raising an eyebrow.

Nina held her friend’s gaze long enough to let her know she should keep her thoughts to herself. The only reason she had gone along with Sarah’s suggestion that they all have lunch was because she saw it as a way to cement her new husband’s place amongst her friends and family. It was not another opportunity for Sarah to sit in judgement of Bryn, and she had told her as much.

‘Of course it’s perfect,’ Sarah continued, with a small nod of apology to Nina. ‘You’re turning into quite a stunner, Scarlett. Your mum’s going to have to keep her eye on you.’

Scarlett slunk lower in her chair, threatening to disappear and never return.

‘How’s business, Miles?’ Nina asked, to divert attention. After all these years she still wasn’t sure what exactly Miles did, other than he was something big in engineering and the demand for his skills took him all over the world.

‘Busy as always,’ he said, ‘and it doesn’t help that my darling wife has a habit of jumping from one new project to another while expecting me to sort out the paperwork for what is meant to be her company.’

‘But you’re far better at it than I am,’ Sarah said with a playful smile. ‘And there’s so much to do.’

‘Which means I should be back at home sorting things out, but you insisted, and what Sarah wants, Sarah gets.’

‘Well, we’re glad you could make it,’ Nina answered, ‘aren’t we, Bryn?’

‘Most definitely. I know how work can take over your life.’

Miles gave a disinterested nod and it was Sarah who asked, ‘Have you never thought of starting up a business again?’

Bryn seemed to consider the possibility for a moment, only to shake his head. ‘Printing was all I knew, but the industry changed so fast. I wouldn’t know where to begin these days, and I wouldn’t want to try. Taxi-driving suits me fine: not as much stress and more time to spend with Nina and the kids.’

‘Have you been working this weekend?’ Sarah asked.

‘Yeah, and I’ll probably go out for a few hours tonight, although it’s hardly worth the effort on Sundays.’

Scarlett stopped gazing out of the window and turned an arched eyebrow towards Bryn. ‘Could you pick me up later?’

‘Pick you up from where?’ Nina demanded.

‘Eva’s,’ Scarlett said, as if it were obvious.

‘You were there last night and it’s school tomorrow.’

‘Oh, let the girl live a little,’ Miles said. ‘Is there a boy on the scene by any chance?’

Nina was about to come to her daughter’s rescue again, but this was a question she had asked often enough and it was refreshing to hear it from someone else.

‘No.’

‘How about you, Liam?’ Sarah asked.

All eyes turned to Nina’s eldest, who had kept his head down and his eyes fixed on his smartphone throughout the entire conversation. Nina had warned Sarah not to make any remarks if he insisted on using it during their meal; it had been part of the deal to get Liam there in the first place.

‘Yes, Liam, are you seeing any boys?’ Miles said. He was the only one to laugh at his joke.

Nina was about to say that it didn’t matter which of the sexes her son preferred provided he was happy; but saying such a thing would only expose the fact that this was a possibility she had considered. She really didn’t care if he was interested in girls or boys, just as long as he was interested in someone with a pulse. She had shared her concerns with Sarah and suspected her friend had continued to speculate on Liam’s sexuality with Miles.

Liam lifted his gaze and fixed it on Miles. Her son didn’t speak often but when he did, he used his words to full effect. ‘Sorry, Miles, you’re not my type.’

From the corner of her eye, Nina knew Bryn was trying not to laugh, which made it doubly hard to suppress her own smile. She would have liked nothing better than to high-five her son.

After placing their orders, it was Sarah who kept the conversation flowing. And while she was busy telling Bryn how her company supplied the hummus he had ordered for starters, Nina let her mind wander. She looked at her children in turn and wondered how the next critical years in their lives would play out. She was hoping that her marriage would add some stability to their lives; although they weren’t quite there yet, Scarlett appeared more comfortable in Bryn’s company of late, possibly because she had worked out that she had a chauffeur at her beck and call. Except she didn’t look comfortable now, Nina realized when she saw a deep blush rising in her daughter’s cheeks.

‘What’s wrong, Scarlett?’ Nina asked quietly.

‘Nothing.’

Scarlett pressed her chin to her chest. Her sleek blonde hair fell over her shoulders and partially obscured her face while she played with her hands.

Liam was first to locate the source of her embarrassment. ‘It’s Mr Swift,’ he said, tipping his head to the far side of the restaurant.

Scarlett’s form tutor was even more handsome than Nina remembered and, in contradiction to his students’ teasing, his thick dark hair showed no signs of thinning. On the few occasions she had spoken to him at parents’ evening, she had been almost tongue-tied, but it was Mr Swift who looked lost for words at present. He was with a small group consisting of two women and a young child, and was as yet unaware of the attention he had drawn from their table, being fully preoccupied with the two helium balloons that had been tied to the back of his chair. A large silver number three and a matching zero.

‘I remember him, he was one of Charlotte’s teachers,’ Sarah said. ‘Why didn’t we have teachers like that in our day, Nina?’

‘Maybe we should go and say hello,’ she suggested.

Scarlett snapped her head towards her mum. ‘Don’t you dare!’

‘She’s only teasing,’ Bryn said. ‘Even your mum wouldn’t embarrass you that much.’

‘I think the embarrassment is all his,’ Miles said. ‘I spent my thirtieth in New York having a whale of a time.’

‘Would that be the business trip you were forced to take while I was at home caring for our baby girl?’

‘Ah, yes,’ Miles said and cleared his throat. ‘When I said a whale of a time, what I meant was because I was working so hard, dearest.’

Nina bit her tongue. Unlike her oldest friend, who would jump at the opportunity to scrutinize the cracks in someone else’s relationship, Nina preferred to focus on the positives. Sarah’s marriage might have its faults, but it had been strong enough to endure an affair, and if Miles had strayed since, he was a brave man indeed. By contrast, Nina’s first marriage had disintegrated at the first hint of a problem, and Nina would be eternally grateful to Sarah, who had stopped her falling apart by convincing her she could go it alone.

‘Thirty is so old,’ Scarlett was saying.

Sarah choked on the sip of wine she had been taking. ‘God knows what she makes of you then, Miles.’

‘Fifty is the new forty.’

‘And twenty years more than thirty,’ remarked Scarlett.

When the starters arrived, the English teacher and his family were all but forgotten as the grown-ups focused their attention back on their own table.

‘So what are you up to, Liam?’ Sarah asked.

‘Not much.’

‘Have you picked a university yet? I’m sure it was around this time that Charlotte dragged us all around the country for countless open days. Typical of Charlotte, she opted for the first one we’d seen.’

‘She’s at Liverpool, isn’t she?’ Bryn asked.

‘Yes. I can’t believe it’s her final year so soon, and now the little madam has her mind set on a career in advertising. If I’d known she wouldn’t be coming home to work for me, I might have thought twice about paying for all that extra tuition that got her into uni in the first place.’

‘It’s a different generation,’ Nina offered.

‘Maybe, maybe not,’ Sarah told them. ‘By hook or by crook, I’ll rope Charlotte in eventually. I know I take advantage of Miles, but we can’t go on as we are. It’s only going to get busier in the next year.’

‘I can’t imagine convincing any of mine to become florists,’ Nina said, confirmed by the expressions on her children’s faces. ‘And I wouldn’t want them to. I’d like them to go off and explore the world. Liam came up with a long-list of possible unis over the summer, but I suppose we do need to whittle it down. Isn’t January the deadline for getting applications into UCAS?’

‘It doesn’t matter any more,’ Liam said. ‘I’ve changed my mind.’

‘Pardon? What do you mean, you’ve changed your mind?’

‘Not everyone has to go to uni.’

‘I know,’ Nina said slowly to keep her temper in check, ‘but up until now, it was what you wanted. And if you don’t go, can you please tell me what you do have planned?’

‘My company has a very good apprenticeship programme,’ Miles offered. ‘Or failing that, there could be opportunities with Sarah’s new housing development. It’s still going through planning, but once we get the green light, I’m sure we could persuade one of the contractors to take you on. What kind of career were you thinking about?’

Nina was struggling to keep up with the pace of the conversation. ‘Hold on, can we rewind for a minute. We haven’t ruled out university yet.’

Rather than answer, Liam returned his attention to his phone. The argument was closed, for now at least, and perhaps that was for the best. She didn’t want Miles mapping out her son’s life for him, she had managed well enough on her own so far.

‘I’ll be out this evening and, by the sounds of it, so will Scarlett,’ Bryn said. ‘Maybe you two could have a chat about it later?’

‘Good idea,’ Nina said, admonishing herself for forgetting she was in a partnership now. The conversation she needed to have with Liam might be better alone, but it felt good knowing she had backup.

While everyone had been concentrating on Liam, Scarlett became disengaged from the conversation. She had finished her starter and was looking absent-mindedly around the restaurant. Taking her lip gloss from her purse, her mouth open in a pout, she stroked the wand across her lips in soft, sensual strokes.

‘A word of advice, my lovely,’ Sarah said, her note of caution laced with a hint of envy. ‘Don’t do that in public unless you want to attract the attention of every hot-blooded male in the room.’

Bryn and Miles remembered themselves and looked away from the fifteen-year-old schoolgirl.

Scarlett

I used to think I could tell Mum anything, but not now, at least, not everything. Actually, not even close.

I know all this is driving her crazy, but it’s not like I meant to cause so much trouble. It just happened, and it happened so bloody fast. It was like, one minute I hadn’t spoken two words to him, and the next, he was the only one I could talk to. I’m not saying I didn’t know it was wrong, but I honestly couldn’t help myself and neither could he. You have no idea what it was like. We fell truly, madly and deeply in love and it was like we became addicted to each other.

And do you know what really annoys me? People won’t take my feelings seriously. Like, they assume because I’m technically underage, I couldn’t possibly know what real love is like. I’m sorry, but what does a date on a calendar have to do with anything? I was in love. I still am.

I know I shouldn’t say this, but it was actually funny looking back at how I acted. I didn’t have a clue he was interested in me, not in that way. I’m sort of used to people staring at me and I don’t want to sound vain or anything, but I know I’m pretty. It doesn’t matter how big a group I’m in, people always look at me first. I used to think it was because I was the tallest, but now I get it. It was always the men who looked at me the longest.

I’ve been told that I could hypnotize men with my dazzling violet eyes, but the person who said that was interested in a lot more than my eyes.

‘That mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble one of these days,’ he told me.

I bit my lip and said, ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

To be honest, at the time I wasn’t sure if he was talking about all the backchat I’d been giving him, but when he glanced at my mouth, I swear to God, it was so obvious he was wondering if my strawberry lip gloss tasted as good as it smelled. But the next minute he was laughing.

‘OK,’ he said, ‘if not you, then most definitely me.’

3
The Accusations

Vikki Swift didn’t know why she had been lying awake all night worrying about Scarlett. It must be so awful for Nina, but teenage pregnancies were a sad fact of life and Vikki had been little more than a teen herself when she had had Freya. Of course the difference was that Vikki had been married by that point, but who was to say Scarlett wasn’t in a loving relationship? Except that seemed extremely unlikely, if what Scarlett had said was true. How was this man she was involved with going to explain himself to the world in general, and more especially to his wife?

Refusing to dwell on the subject, Vikki turned on her side and slipped an arm around her husband. She reminded herself how lucky she was to have Rob. He was her one and only love, and even though she was still only twenty-four, she couldn’t imagine life without him. She held him tightly as she thought about everything they had been through, and how much growing up she had had to do. She might be a teacher’s wife and a mother, but up until six months ago they were simply labels she had collected, certificates she had acquired without actually passing the exams. She had always depended on other people to make sure she didn’t mess up, and although she was trying her best to think more for herself these days, it was still so hard. There were some things that she could never have been prepared for. It was scary how life could change so quickly.

‘What’s wrong?’ Rob whispered.

Vikki was surprised that he had been awake enough to notice her clinging to him. Or was there something keeping Rob from sleep too?

‘Nothing,’ she said.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Hmm,’ Vikki said, which was as near to a lie as she was prepared to go.

The truth was, she wasn’t sure of anything all of a sudden.

4
Before

Sunday, 6 September 2015

As thirtieth birthday parties went, having lunch with your wife, mother-in-law and daughter was not how Vikki thought the occasion should be celebrated, but Rob had insisted that he didn’t want a fuss. Reluctantly, she had gone along with his wishes, although she had been a tiny bit naughty. There were two helium balloons tied to the back of his chair which he obviously hated.

‘Sorry, is that annoying you?’ she asked when a balloon hit Rob in the face as he turned to fill her mum’s glass.

‘It’s fine,’ Rob said. There was a smile on his face and a glint in his eye when he added, ‘Who wouldn’t want to be assaulted by an inflatable number three. It could be worse; I might get my head stuck in the zero.’

When Rob leant over and gave her a peck on the cheek, she relaxed; she had done the right thing. Smiling, Vikki pushed back a rogue curl that had escaped the hair grip pinning back her dark golden curls, leaving only a select few tresses to fall over her round face in an attempt to lengthen her features. She often wished it were as easy to lengthen her petite figure, which was also a bit more curved than she would like since the birth of her daughter.

‘Maybe we could re-tie them so they’re floating higher above your chair,’ Vikki’s mum suggested helpfully.

Rob was still smiling when he said, ‘Great idea, Elaine. There are probably people at the far end of the restaurant who haven’t realized I’ve turned into an old git yet.’

‘If you’re an old git, what does that make me?’

‘Have you never heard of the term Cougar?’ Rob asked.

Elaine had stood up to rearrange the balloons and swiped him across the head. ‘Yes, I have, and I think I’d prefer to be called an old git.’

Vikki’s mum was technically middle-aged, but only just, and she was both flattered and annoyed whenever people refused to accept that she was a grandmother. Her husband, who had passed away four years earlier, had been much older and Elaine’s youthfulness had been a sensitive issue for her. Despite the teasing, she didn’t mind getting old, certainly not as much as Rob did. She loved being a grandmother, and that was something Vikki was counting on as she let the waitress take their orders before dropping the first suggestion about her plans.

‘I’ve seen a couple of jobs I think I’m going to apply for, Mum. It’s only general admin work, but it’ll give me a chance to get my brain back into gear.’

‘Oh.’

‘I keep telling Vikki she’s selling herself short,’ Rob said when Elaine offered no further response. ‘Anyone can see she does a brilliant job of looking after Freya, and me too. I’m sure she thinks that because she isn’t earning a wage she doesn’t contribute to the household. Your daughter’s too proud for her own good.’

‘But with Freya starting pre-school, I thought that’s what everyone expected me to do,’ Vikki said.

Before answering his wife, Rob shared the briefest look with Elaine. ‘I support you one hundred per cent, Vikki,’ he said, ‘but I don’t want you to feel pressurized into going out to work. I know we had this vague plan about you restarting a career, but plans can change. You shouldn’t feel obliged.’

Vikki wasn’t sure she did feel obliged. She liked the idea of finding a job that would take her interests beyond home, although, if she were being honest, she didn’t exactly have a career path in mind. She wasn’t even sure how employable she would be these days, which was why she needed someone to give her that final push. Rob was being too nice about it, and that was why she had raised the subject in front of her mum.

Her parents had had their hearts set on Vikki going to university after her A levels, and had only agreed to her taking a gap year because she had found herself a job she loved with a local estate agent. The gap year turned into two, and marriage and motherhood followed in quick succession, putting an end to her plans for university and her job, but Elaine still had ambitions for her daughter – it was what her late husband would have wanted and her support was assured.

‘I’d only need to find a childminder for the afternoons, if I needed to …’

Vikki let her words trail off deliberately. This was where her mum was meant to speak up. It wasn’t as if Elaine hadn’t already hinted that she would be willing to take care of Freya if ever Vikki were ready for a career. Except, now that Vikki was ready to accept such an offer, her mum remained silent on the subject.

‘Honestly, Vikki, now isn’t the time,’ Rob said, rather harshly, which made Vikki feel all the more confused. She didn’t know what she had done wrong.

Elaine searched under the table for her bag and grimaced as she picked it up. ‘Here you go, Freya, look what I brought for you.’

All eyes turned to the little girl who had inherited Vikki’s curls. Freya’s eyes lit up when she spied the colouring book. ‘Me draw smiley faces now.’ The three-year-old reached out and wrapped her hand around an orange crayon but when Elaine moved closer to help, Freya shook her head. ‘No, Daddy do it.’

Rob was more than willing, if only to dodge the awkwardness of the conversation mother and daughter were avoiding.

‘Where is that waitress?’ Elaine asked, and a moment later cursed under her breath. ‘Oh good lord, is that Sarah Tavistock? That’s all I need.’

Vikki twisted in her seat to get a better look. Fortunately, the group of diners who had caught their attention were too involved in their own conversations to realize they were being watched. Vikki had briefly attended the same gym club as Sarah’s daughter, Charlotte; although the age difference meant they had never been friends, Charlotte’s parents were hard to forget.

‘I had a letter from the planning department the other day,’ Elaine said. ‘Her company’s bought the land directly opposite the house and she wants to build on it.’

The house in question was the home Vikki’s parents had bought on the outskirts of Sedgefield when her dad had taken early retirement. Combining his skills as an architect and her mum’s love of home-making, they had converted an old outbuilding into two holiday cottages; the intention was that this would provide enough income to allow them to take life at a slower pace. Unfortunately their plan for a perfect semi-retirement had lasted less than twelve months. Without warning, her father had collapsed and died from a massive heart attack, leaving his family bereft. It was an unspoken truth that Vikki and Rob’s decision to have a baby had been a reaction to the family’s loss. Freya’s arrival was by no means an attempt to fill the void in their lives, but she had given them all a new focus, her mum included.

‘Build what?’ asked Vikki.

‘Houses.’

Vikki watched as Elaine rearranged the cutlery in front of her, having decided there was no further discussion necessary.

‘And you’re not bothered about it?’

‘There’s not a lot I can do, Vikki.’

‘Have you seen the details? Do you know what the plan is?’ Vikki asked. Her alarm was magnified by the lack of response from her mum.

‘It’s a small development of luxury family homes.’

‘How small?’

‘Sixteen houses.’

‘Someone wants to build a housing estate opposite your countryside cottages, and you’re not bothered? Dad would have had a fit! He would be camping out on the site in protest until they changed their minds. Dad would—’

‘Your dad isn’t here!’

Elaine’s raised voice drew Freya’s attention away from the picture of a clown she and her daddy had been colouring in. She frowned until her grandmother gave her a reassuring smile, but when Freya returned to her drawing, Rob’s attention remained with Vikki and Elaine.

‘Fine,’ Vikki said, folding her arms across her chest and doing her best not to pout like a petulant child. ‘You might not want to do anything about it, but I will. I’ll start a campaign.’

‘Don’t, Vikki,’ Elaine said quietly. ‘Now isn’t the time, trust me.’

‘How can it not be the time?’ Vikki asked. ‘If there’s a planning application then there’ll be some sort of time limit for you to object.’

‘Please, Vikki,’ Rob said as he leant over to touch her hand. ‘Even if you did know how the planning process worked, do you really think it would do any good? People like the Tavistocks always get their way.’

‘We’ll see about that. Maybe I should go over there now and have a word with them,’ Vikki said. Wanting to be taken seriously, she moved as if to get up, but they all knew she would never have the nerve to confront the Tavistocks. Rather than look at Rob or her mum as she settled back in her seat, Vikki cast a withering look in the Tavistocks’ direction, only to lock eyes with the young girl seated at the table. Even from a distance, Vikki could see the look of alarm on her face when she realized she was being watched, and they both dropped their heads.

‘Oh great, today’s just getting better and better,’ Rob muttered before adding, ‘See that young lady over there pretending not to be looking at us? She’s in my form and there’ll be hell to pay in class tomorrow. I wouldn’t put it past her to take a photo of the balloons and plaster it all over Facebook. If she hasn’t already.’

For the remainder of the meal, they all did their best to ignore the other diners. They kept to safe topics of conversation to smooth over Vikki’s spat with her mum, but an awkwardness persisted. After the main course had been cleared away, Rob made an excuse to leave the table, but before he left, he placed a hand on Elaine’s shoulder. They shared one last look which filled Vikki with a horrible sense of foreboding.

‘What’s going on, Mum?’

Elaine was playing with her napkin and wouldn’t meet her daughter’s anxious gaze. ‘I want you to know that I would love nothing more than for you to have a successful career one day, Vikki. You’re a very capable young woman, and stronger than you give yourself credit for.’

‘But?’

‘Look what I did, Nanna,’ Freya said, waving her latest work of art in the air.

When Elaine looked back up, Vikki was shocked to see tears welling in her eyes. ‘Mum? Please tell me what’s wrong.’

‘What’s wrong, Nanna?’ Freya repeated. She had picked up on the anxiety in Vikki’s voice and copied the frown that had appeared on her mother’s brow.

Elaine stroked the side of Freya’s cheek, making the little girl giggle, but the smile on her own face was heavy with sadness. ‘I found a lump,’ she whispered. ‘Under my armpit.’

A cold chill ran through Vikki’s veins, but her expression remained fixed. She wouldn’t let her fear show. ‘Have you seen a doctor?’

‘Yes.’

‘And?’

Rubbing her shoulder, Elaine said, ‘When I went to visit friends last week, I wasn’t exactly being honest. I was in hospital having a biopsy.’

‘Oh, my God,’ Vikki said softly and resisted the urge to put her hands over her ears. ‘It’s cancer, isn’t it?’

‘It’s been caught at an early stage,’ Elaine told her, ‘and it’s nothing I can’t handle, I promise, Vikki.’

‘But …’ Vikki said, looking around the restaurant and wondering why no one else was reacting to this earth-shattering news. She searched for Rob, wanting him back at her side so he would tell her how they were going to deal with this, and that was when a thought struck her. ‘Does Rob know?’

‘Yes, he does. I had to put someone down as my next of kin and we both wanted to spare you the worry until we knew the results.’

‘You should have told me.’

‘I wanted to protect you – isn’t that what every mother does? It was Rob who insisted I tell you today, but I so hate spoiling his birthday.’

Vikki fought off the urge to rush into her mum’s arms and release the sobs burning her throat. ‘What happens now?’

‘I’m waiting on a date for the mastectomy, which shouldn’t be too long. The consultant is keen to operate as soon as possible.’ Leaning over to her daughter, Elaine stroked her cheek as she had done with Freya, but couldn’t raise a smile so easily. ‘It’s going to be OK, sweetheart. I’m going to be fine and so are you.’

Vikki nodded obediently as everything began to make sense; her mum’s reaction to the new housing development; the reluctance to look after Freya; not to mention Rob’s lacklustre response to her ideas about going back to work lately. In the space of one meal, her whole life had been turned upside down, and they hadn’t even had dessert yet. Any minute now, a waiter would arrive with the birthday cake Vikki had ordered as a surprise, complete with the requisite number of candles. Rob would hate the fuss, especially with one of his students looking on. She had made a stupid mess of it all, as usual, and now she couldn’t stop the tears slipping down her cheeks. Her mum was wrong about her being strong. She wasn’t even good at pretending.

Tuesday, 15 Sept 2015

Vikki was kneeling against the back of the sofa as she looked out of the window with her chin resting on her hands. She was peeking through a gap in the vertical blinds so she had a good view of the empty space on the driveway next to her Corsa. From the corner of her eye, she could see Freya mimicking her, although her little girl had to stand rather than kneel to see out of the window.

‘Where’s Daddy?’ Freya said with a whimper. They had been waiting for at least ten minutes and the toddler had lost patience after the first two.

‘He’ll be home soon,’ Vikki said, and not for the first time. She was getting impatient too.

‘No, tell Daddy to come home now,’ Freya insisted as her cupid’s bow lips began to tremble.

Turning her head towards her daughter, Vikki felt some of the tension that had been building over the last week or so slip away. Becoming a mother at twenty-one had been overwhelming and still was, but she would love and protect Freya until her dying day, just like her own mother had always done with her, and please God, would continue to do.

When Vikki’s lip began to quiver too, Freya asked, ‘Mummy want a cuddle?’

‘Yes, please.’

Vikki held back the tears and began blowing raspberries against Freya’s neck.

‘We do tumbles now, Mummy?’ Freya asked when their giggling subsided.

Vikki narrowed her eyes. ‘Let’s see if you can do this,’ she said and shuffled backwards to give herself enough space. In one flowing move, she was standing on her head, her back brushing against the sofa cushions and her legs pointing to the ceiling. Using one hand to keep her balance, Vikki helped Freya into a vaguely similar position.

Despite being out of practice and out of shape, Vikki held her position with relative ease while the little girl toppled over and tried again. There had been a time when Vikki thought she might have made a half-decent gymnast, but her dad had convinced her that her greatest potential lay in academia. She had achieved success in neither, and as Vikki considered what a disappointment she would be to her dad now, she failed to notice Rob’s old Ford Focus pulling up outside, or hear the clatter of keys being dropped on the radiator shelf by the door.

‘Don’t you think you’re a bit too old for that?’

‘Daddy!’

Freya tumbled off the sofa, tipping Vikki over in the process as she ran into Rob’s open arms. Vikki got to her feet and waited patiently with her arms behind her back until Rob had balanced Freya on his hip and beckoned her towards him.

‘I’ve missed you,’ she said, stepping over so he could wrap his free arm around her. ‘And I’ll have you know there are top gymnasts who are my age and still winning gold medals.’

‘For balancing upside down on the sofa? I dread to think what Freya will be telling her nursery teachers about your antics,’ he said, before giving her a curious look. ‘And what’s with all the makeup?’

‘I’ve got to keep up with the other mums on the school run.’

‘Don’t be silly, you don’t need to compete. You’re leagues above them all.’

Vikki wasn’t convinced. She might be younger than a lot of the other mums, but for the last three years she had felt frumpy. She didn’t know any of the others particularly well, and she desperately wanted to fit in. ‘I wanted to make myself feel good, that’s all,’ she said.

He kissed the top of her head, ‘Especially today of all days,’ he said. ‘How are you doing?’

She could only shrug. ‘How was your day?’

‘Still getting to know my new form,’ he said, scrunching his nose. ‘It’s not easy when most of them are counting down to leaving in the summer. I would have much preferred Year 7s.’

‘It only proves what faith Mrs Anwar has in you,’ she said. She would never get used to calling the head by her first name; Nadia Anwar had been deputy head when Vikki had attended Sedgefield High, and she still felt like a student whenever she was in her company.

‘I suppose,’ Rob said. ‘She’s certainly set me a challenge, although I think I’ve got a couple of allies in class who will keep the rest in check.’

‘I bet you have them wrapped around your little finger.’

When he kissed her again, his daughter demanded attention. ‘Frey-ya too,’ she said and planted a sloppy kiss on her daddy’s lips.

‘Hmmm, blackcurrant-flavoured.’

‘My juice!’ Freya cried and began wriggling until Rob put her down. She raced back to where she had abandoned her sippy cup on the windowsill.

Rob took the opportunity to pull Vikki closer. ‘If you won’t tell me how you’re doing, maybe you could tell me how your mum got on.’

‘The operation went well,’ Vikki said, surprised that her voice could sound so matter of fact. Everything had happened in a blur and Vikki almost wished Rob and her mum had kept their secret that bit longer. She would happily trade blissful ignorance for sleepless nights and restless days, and today had been the worst so far. ‘I’ll find out more later, but the nurse I spoke to said something about the surgeon taking more surrounding tissue than they were planning.’

‘That might be a good thing, less chance of leaving anything nasty behind.’

‘But longer for Mum to recover from the operation,’ Vikki said. ‘She’s going to struggle on her own for a while.’

‘Is there any chance Lesley could help out more?’

Lesley was a friend of her mum’s who helped out with the holiday cottages during the busy season. She would do all she could, but it wouldn’t be enough. Besides, it wasn’t the suggestion Vikki had wanted Rob to make.

‘I doubt it, she has so many other jobs to juggle.’ Vikki clung tighter to Rob, as if it would squeeze the correct response from him.

When she bit her lip, he must have guessed what she was after. ‘If you’re asking if you should stay with her when she gets out, then say it, Vikki.’

‘No, I don’t want to leave you. Unless you could come with us …’

‘The three of us in one bedroom and your mum in the room next door? What do you think?’

‘If I did go, it wouldn’t be for long, maybe just a week,’ she said.

Rob didn’t look completely convinced. ‘But are you sure you could cope with looking after your mum, and Freya too?’

‘I … don’t know. But I’d hate to look back and regret not helping her more.’

The only time Vikki and Rob had spent apart since they were married had been following her dad’s death. She had gone to stay with her mum for a couple of weeks under the guise of offering support, but it had been Vikki who had needed her mum as much as anything, and Rob had probably been relieved that someone else had to cope with her bawling her eyes out every two minutes. Vikki wasn’t so sure she would cope any better now, and from the look on Rob’s face, he was thinking the same.

Rob’s body sagged a little when he sighed. ‘Yes, of course you should stay with her.’

His answer should have made Vikki feel relieved, but she burst into tears. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, burying her face in Rob’s shoulder. ‘I’m a rubbish wife and a rubbish daughter.’

‘Of course you’re not. You’re doing amazingly well,’ he whispered. When her sobs subsided, he lifted her chin so she was looking directly at him. ‘I won’t say I’m not going to miss you, but stay as long as you need. Don’t worry about me.’

‘Are you sure?’ she asked, and with one small hiccup, swallowed the last of her tears.

‘Yes, Vikki, whatever you want. You’re the boss as always. I’m yours to command.’

She gave him a tentative smile. ‘In that case, do you think you could do something else for me?’

‘Hmm,’ he said, raising his eyebrows. ‘What are you after now, Victoria?’

‘I’ve had a go at writing something and I need you to check it for me.’

Rob laughed. ‘That wasn’t exactly the suggestion I was expecting,’ he said. ‘What is it?’

‘An objection to Sarah Tavistock’s planning application,’ she said, and then, seeing Rob’s expression, added, ‘Will you look at it? Please, Rob.’

‘But why bother? Elaine doesn’t think it’s worth it, especially now you know all the details.’

Vikki’s original assumption had been that the land in question was in the green belt and should be protected. She had been dismayed to discover that it was classed as a brownfield site and had been in industrial use up until fifty years ago. It had been an old pottery and when the buildings had been demolished, the land had been soiled over rather than cleared, which explained why it had been left fallow for so long. The new plans included the removal of all the industrial waste, which would actually improve the land.

‘I still want to try. It’s what Dad would expect one of us to do, and obviously Mum’s not up to it. So will you?’ Vikki asked again.

‘OK, OK, if it keeps you out of trouble.’

When Vikki hugged Rob tightly his hands moved gently over her hips and bottom.

‘So there was something else you were after,’ he said in a hushed tone.

Sex couldn’t be further from Vikki’s mind, but she responded by pushing herself against him. ‘I love you,’ she told him.

‘And I love you,’ he replied, before pulling away with a groan. Freya had been watching them quietly. ‘But I’m afraid some of your particular gratifications are going to have to wait until bedtime, or this one’s bedtime at least.’

Despite the shadows hanging over her, Vikki felt a small sense of victory as she watched Rob scoop Freya up into his arms.

Scarlett

I remember the first time I realized exactly what effect I had on him. No way was I expecting him to, you know, get excited and I swear I didn’t know what to do. When I think back, it was so embarrassing. I was such a child.

Mum had dragged us out for Sunday lunch with her friends Sarah and Miles. I didn’t want to go, but sometimes it’s just not worth the argument. I was the youngest there, so obviously they all treated me like a kid. Miles actually asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up.

When – I – grew – up?

I’d already grown up, for God’s sake, and I’m pretty sure he’d noticed. Sarah definitely had. She made some comment about everyone looking while I was putting on my lip gloss in the restaurant, as if I hadn’t worked that out for myself.

Anyway, after our main course, I sneaked off to the Ladies so I could put on more lip gloss without Sarah’s bitchy comments, and after that I went outside to escape for a while. The restaurant backed on to the canal and had an outdoor dining area, but it was teeming down so luckily it was deserted.

I stayed close to a wall that had an overhanging roof to give me some shelter, and the sound of the rain hammering against the tiles was so loud I didn’t hear him come outside, not until he’d sneaked up next to me.

‘Looking for an escape route?’

I was looking out over the canal, watching it trembling in the rain. I was trembling almost as much, if I’m being honest, and I wouldn’t look at him when I said, ‘You too?’

‘Yeah, this kind of thing is my idea of hell. I could do with a stiff drink.’

‘So could I,’ I said. OK, maybe I was only trying to sound older, but I really could have done with a drink.

‘It’s school tomorrow.’

‘Don’t remind me.’

‘Your schooldays will be over before you know it, Scarlett. And in spite of all the stress with exams, I bet it’ll be one of the best years of your life. It was for me.’

‘You can remember that far back?’

He laughed. ‘You’re growing up fast, aren’t you?’

It was a comment I’d heard loads of times, usually from older men who were staring at my boobs, but he just looked out across the water. I can remember wanting him to look at me. I took a deep breath so my chest would stick out more, and made a pout. ‘Who says I’m not already?’

‘Fed up being treated like a child?’

‘Or ignored completely. Everyone’s too busy worrying about Liam.’

‘Oh, you’re not ignored, Scarlett.’

‘You think? For the last hour it’s been all about Liam and how he should get out more. I’m sure Mum thinks he’s going to hack into some government network from his bedroom and bring the country down. Either that or she’s worried he’ll never leave home and she’ll be stuck with him for ever.’

‘He’ll be fine.’

‘I know he’ll be fine,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘The point is I don’t care.’

‘So what do you care about? What would make you happy, Scarlett?’

I liked the way he talked to me, like he was really interested in what I had to say, like I had an opinion that mattered. I could have told him that what I wanted most was to be noticed instead of gawped at all the time, but I’m pretty sure he knew that.

I didn’t actually get the chance to say anything because just then a gust of wind caught the rain and blew it towards us. I turned to the side but he stepped in front of me, like he was protecting me. When I turned back to face him, I was too scared to look up.

‘Are you getting wet?’ he asked, whispering the last word.

He’d put his hand on the wall next to me, blocking me in and I had no idea what to do next. I’d had boys making crude comments before, but this was way different. For one thing, I most definitely wanted the attention this time. OK, I knew it was bad and Mum would be horrified if she knew, but I’d been dreaming of being this close to him. And in my fantasies we’d gone way further. But I wasn’t expecting it to happen for real and that’s why I panicked. ‘I’d better go,’ I told him.

‘That’s a shame,’ he said. ‘I thought we were kindred spirits for a moment, Scarlett. My mistake.’

He lowered his arm and trailed a finger down my arm, which sent this weird electric current through my body. It felt so strong that it seriously made me flinch.

‘Sorry,’ he said quickly. ‘You should go.’

I didn’t move, and I suppose I was curious more than anything. It was like I had this power over him. He was tempted to do something he shouldn’t, something that was very, very bad, and it was all because of me.

I looked up and whispered, ‘Or I could stay.’

I was actually daring him to move closer and I couldn’t believe it when he did. He pushed against me and it wasn’t the first time I’d felt someone with a hard on, but that had only been Linus and I don’t think he had a clue what to do with it. This was a man and he definitely knew what to do. He took hold of my hand and later he told me exactly what he had been tempted to do, but at the time he was being the perfect gentleman. He kissed my palm. ‘Run away, little girl,’ he said.

And I did run away, but I can’t tell you how much I regretted it. I played that scene over and over again in my mind afterwards and I swore that next time, I wasn’t going to let him off so easily.

5
The Accusations

Nina’s head was throbbing but she didn’t have the energy to move from the breakfast bar to search out painkillers. Rubbing her temples, she suspected the intense pressure around her forehead had been caused by all those months of sticking her head in the sand. How had she not seen this coming?

There had been plenty of signs that Scarlett was heading for trouble, if only Nina hadn’t been so preoccupied with proving to the world, and Sarah especially, that everything was fine. If she had been worried about anything, it had been Liam and his complete withdrawal from society. She couldn’t have named one of his friends, whereas she had met most of Scarlett’s, or the girls at least. Her daughter had been more circumspect about introducing her male friends, but as it turned out, Scarlett hadn’t been as interested in boys as Nina had presumed. At what point had she fallen for this man who had got her pregnant, the man who had abused her? Had Nina met him? Did she know him? According to Scarlett, he was going to support her, just as soon as he had told his wife.

Groaning, Nina dropped her head on the counter. His wife. She knew what Sarah thought, but what she was suggesting was unthinkable. She was wrong; except, no matter how many times Nina repeated this mantra, a seed of doubt had taken root in her mind and it was growing at an alarming rate.

She reminded herself that she was still in a state of shock. It was going to take a day or two for the news to sink in, and whatever happened next, it would ultimately be Scarlett’s decision. Her daughter would need to know what support her family, and Nina in particular, were willing to offer. Bryn had given no view on what Scarlett should do, but he didn’t disagree when Nina had said any ideas Scarlett might have about keeping the baby were utterly ridiculous. But this was an alien world she found herself in and stranger things had happened.

She had wasted too much time the day before, paralysed by fear while Scarlett and Liam hid away in their rooms. Bryn had been at a loss how to help, but had eventually got the message that his wife needed space too, and she had been relieved when he had gone out to work on Sunday evening. But the moment he had returned that morning and slipped into her bed, Nina had got up. She didn’t want to talk to him, she didn’t know what to say and, more tellingly, she hadn’t wanted him to touch her.

Was she really as blind as Sarah seemed to think? Had she been taken for a fool and willingly put her family at risk? Was everything her heart had been telling her a lie?

With her head spinning, Nina tried to straighten up and as she did, the overhead spotlights blazed into life. She wasn’t sure who was more shocked, her or Bryn.

‘I thought you’d left for work,’ he said when he had caught his breath.

Nina rubbed her eyes as she adjusted to the light and then looked at her husband. She searched in vain for familiar features, but her vision was skewed and her eyes refused to focus.

‘I’m taking the day off,’ she said.

6
Before

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

After parking her car behind Bryn’s taxi, Nina rubbed the back of her neck. It had been an especially long day at the shop which had been transformed into a witch’s coven for Halloween. After spending hours perched on top of step ladders draping gossamer thin spider’s webs across shelves stacked with autumnal wreaths and papier-mâché pumpkins, she was looking forward to a long soak in the bath, but before she could get out of the car, her phone started to ring.

‘Sorry I haven’t called. I know it’s been ages,’ Sarah began, ‘but I’ve been ridiculously busy.’

‘It’s all right,’ Nina said with a twinge of guilt. She hadn’t exactly gone out of her way to contact her friend either.

‘Anyway, I’ve got a spare five minutes and thought I’d check on things in the Carrington household.’

‘Thomas household,’ Nina corrected.

There was a pause. ‘Are you OK, Nina?’

Sarah’s remark hit a nerve. After barely two words, her friend was ready to assume Nina’s life was in freefall, which was why she had been less than eager to phone her. From the moment she had started dating Bryn, a lowly taxi driver and a bankrupt to boot, Sarah had been convinced Nina was going through a full-blown midlife crisis.

The question alone made Nina check her reply, but she felt confident when she said, ‘I’m fine. A bit tired, that’s all. It’s been a busy day at the shop.’

‘You should see my desk. I’m snowed under with paperwork and Miles has gone on strike. He has some major project at work that’s slipping, so he’s never here. I’ve got planning objections to deal with and, to top it all, the delicatessen has just secured contracts to supply another two restaurants.’

‘And that’s bad news?’

‘Oh, you have no idea how draining success can be.’

‘Couldn’t you simply hire someone to help?’ Nina said.

‘You mean the job I had in mind for my darling daughter until she decided to betray me and turn her back on her heritage?’ Sarah asked. ‘I told her the other day that all this pressure will put me or her dad in an early grave, but she wouldn’t listen, said I was trying to manipulate her.’

‘I’d be happy to swap you one career-minded student for a teenage cave-dweller.’

‘Ah, so that’s what’s bothering you,’ Sarah said. ‘I knew there was something. Did you have that talk with Liam?’

‘In a fashion,’ Nina said. ‘He wants to do something in computers but I have a suspicion he thinks he’s going to invent some amazing new program that will earn him millions without ever having to leave his room.’

‘Maybe the problem is he doesn’t want to leave home, as in, leave you and Scarlett.’

‘And why would that be, Sarah?’ Nina said, already knowing the answer. ‘We have Bryn to look after us now.’

‘The kids do seem to be getting on well with him.’

Sarah had been watching Bryn throughout their Sunday lunch the month before. Her friend’s eyes had narrowed every time Liam, or especially Scarlett had spoken to him. And when Scarlett had disappeared and Bryn had fetched her back to the table, Sarah had made a fuss about Scarlett looking unsettled. The only reason she was unsettled was because Sarah had pulled the ‘Are you OK?’ routine on her too.

‘Yes, they are. If anything, they’re starting to take advantage of him. I’m sure Scarlett thinks he’s her private chauffeur.’

‘It’s a shame he doesn’t get on so well with his own daughter. Did you ever find out why she didn’t show at the wedding?’

Nina had never met Bryn’s daughter Caryn who lived in Wales with her mum. Bryn and his first wife had divorced when their daughter was in her early teens, around the same time his printing business had collapsed. Caryn was in her early twenties now and from what Bryn had told her, she hadn’t had that much to do with him since his move to Sedgefield a few years ago. He had been hopeful that she would come to the wedding, but not surprised when she hadn’t.

‘I’m sure she had her reasons.’

‘Doesn’t that worry you?’

‘Why should it, Sarah?’ Nina said, too tired to control her frustration. ‘If Adam were to remarry, I’m not sure either Scarlett or Liam would be rushing up to Scotland to wish him well. I’m not for a minute comparing Bryn to Adam, by the way, I’m only saying that family relations can get complicated.’

‘OK, don’t bite my head off,’ Sarah said, her voice echoing because she had pulled the phone from her ear. ‘I only say these things because I love you and I worry. And if I’m honest, I worry most of all about Scarlett.’

‘You think I don’t?’

‘Of course you do, but you still see a little girl, whereas I can see a beautiful young woman emerging.’ Sarah dropped her voice when she added, ‘Is she on the pill yet?’

‘No,’ Nina said levelly. Through the windscreen, she peered towards her front door, which looked more inviting than ever.

‘It’s just that Miles and I were talking, and you know how impressionable young girls can be. They try to act all grown-up when they’re still children – and by grown-up, I mean doing grown-up things.’

‘I know what you mean,’ Nina said. ‘And you and Miles can put your minds at rest. We’ve had that talk.’

‘Recently?’

‘No, but nothing’s changed,’ Nina said, stopping short of saying that nothing had changed since the wedding, but she refused to play along with Sarah’s game.

‘Hmm,’ Sarah said.

Nina had had enough. ‘Look, Sarah, for the first time in years I feel like I have a fighting chance to be happy, and for my family to be happy. It might take time, but with patience things will settle into a new rhythm. Don’t look for problems that aren’t there. Please.’

‘I only want what’s best for you,’ she said. ‘As lovely as Bryn seems, I would have felt a whole lot better if you had drawn up a pre-nup, like I told you to.’

‘Well, I didn’t, and strangely enough I still manage to sleep at night. If you really want what’s best for me, Sarah, don’t try to get me to worry about problems that don’t exist. I’m sorry, but I have to go. There’s a long, hot bath with my name on it and I’m looking forward to relaxing. Maybe you should give it a try.’

Nina let out a frustrated sigh as she ended the call, but the sigh transformed into a groan when the phone started ringing again the moment she went to open the car door. The call was from a mobile number she didn’t recognize, and Nina was tempted to ignore it, but she went with her gut instinct which, despite Sarah’s doubts, turned out to be as reliable as ever.

‘Hello, Mrs Carrington?’

‘Well, it’s Mrs Thomas now.’

‘Ah, yes, of course, sorry,’ the man said. ‘Mrs Thomas, this is Rob Swift. I’m Scarlett’s form tutor.’

‘Is everything all right?’

Nina had received many calls from school in her time, but it was usually during school hours when one of her children was ill. Neither Liam nor Scarlett had ever been a cause of concern, certainly not one that necessitated a call from a teacher out of hours. Not once.

‘I hope so,’ Rob said, but his tone didn’t instil confidence. ‘It might very well be nothing to worry about, but sometimes I think it’s better to nip these things in the bud.’

After two difficult phone calls in quick succession, Nina dragged herself out of the car. The knot in her stomach twisted as she put her key in the front door. Inside the house, she imagined an idyllic scene where Bryn would be cooking dinner, humming to himself contentedly while Scarlett and Liam were upstairs in their rooms. OK, maybe it wasn’t idyllic, but at least her kids weren’t hanging around on street corners causing trouble. Scarlett had a stable family life and more support than ever before. If she was in trouble at school, she had no one to blame but herself. Sarah would have that ‘told-you-so’ look on her face when she found out, but Nina refused to take responsibility for this one. She could feel her blood boiling and when she stepped into the house, she would have happily screamed out Scarlett’s name but there was no way she would be heard above the commotion in the kitchen.

‘But you hate my friends! You’re only going so you can annoy me!’ screeched Scarlett.

‘It’s working then.’ Liam’s tone was light with just a hint of smugness.

‘I hate you!’

Silence.

‘You do know it’s fancy dress?’ Scarlett said. ‘What would you go as anyway? A zombie or something, because that’s what you look like most of the time!’

‘In that case I won’t need fancy dress, will I?’

‘I’ve got a pirate’s outfit you could borrow.’

‘He’s not going, Bryn.’

‘I am. And thanks, Bryn—’

Before Liam could finish, Scarlett said, ‘I’ll have it.’

From the hallway where she had remained, Nina heard Bryn laugh. ‘It’ll be too big on you. The jacket would be more like a dress.’

‘Fine, that’s how I’ll wear it. Can I try it on now?’

‘Erm, sure,’ Bryn said.

Bryn appeared from the kitchen first while Scarlett hung back for one parting shot at her brother: ‘Loser.’

‘Hello, I didn’t hear you come in,’ Bryn said, startled to find his wife standing statue-still by the front door.

‘I’m not surprised, given the racket those two were making.’

Scarlett squeezed between them and, ignoring her mother, said, ‘Where is it, Bryn?’

Bryn kissed his wife briefly on the cheek. ‘I won’t be a minute,’ he said, and followed Scarlett upstairs. Having temporarily lost her momentum, Nina went to check on Liam.

‘What was that all about?’

‘Eva’s throwing a Halloween party for her birthday and I’m invited.’

‘And are you going, or by some chance is this another way of winding up your sister?’

Liam shrugged. ‘You keep saying I need to get out more.’

‘So you are going?’ Nina repeated. She wouldn’t put it past Liam to keep up the pretence and therefore the tension between the warring siblings right up to the last minute. It didn’t bear thinking about. ‘I would have thought a room full of people, especially Scarlett’s friends, would be torture for you.’

‘I know you might not believe this, Mum, but I can actually function in the real world. I think I definitely will go now!’

With that, another of her children stormed off upstairs.

Nina dropped her handbag on the kitchen counter. These weren’t big problems, she told herself; no doubt a similar scene was being repeated up and down the country. So why did the feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach persist as she slipped off her coat and headed upstairs?

Liam’s door was firmly closed while the door to her bedroom had been left slightly ajar. One of the wardrobe doors was open and she could see reflections playing across the white gloss veneer.

‘What do you think?’ Scarlett was asking.

‘It’s a bit short.’

When Nina slipped into the room, she found Bryn standing close to the door while Scarlett was on the other side of the room in front of the bay window. The curtains had been drawn and the only light came from a bedside lamp, draping Scarlett’s tall and slender body in shadow. Bryn’s pirate jacket was swimming on her and its cavernous sleeves hung down over her hands. She was wearing opaque black tights, which was lucky because the jacket only just covered her bum.

‘What do you think, Mum?’ she asked.

When her daughter raised her arms and did a twirl, the jacket lifted up further. Nina was relieved to see that her school skirt had been hitched up rather than removed to give Scarlett at least a modicum of dignity.

‘It is a bit revealing.’

‘I was thinking of wearing it with a belt.’

‘Which would make it ride up even further. If you’re going to wear it, you’ll need to wear leggings underneath. I’m not letting you out of the house if you don’t,’ Nina said, having momentarily forgotten about the call from Mr Swift. ‘Actually, I might not let you out of the house anyway.’

Despite Nina’s warning tone, Scarlett’s body didn’t sag with a suggestion of guilt as once it might when she was younger. Instead, she squared up and simply asked, ‘Why?’

‘I’ve had a call from Mr Swift. I don’t suppose I need to tell you what it was about.’

Her daughter’s body froze. She was on the wrong side of the room to find an escape, but she looked for it anyway.

‘What did he say?’

The question had come from Bryn.

‘Scarlett’s grades are slipping.’

‘No they’re not!’ Scarlett cried. ‘Not much, anyway. Mum, it’s fine. I’m getting on with my work, honest.’

‘Well, you can tell that to Mr Swift when we have our meeting.’

‘He’s called you in?’

‘Yes,’ Nina said. ‘And I’m warning you now, Scarlett, if you’ve been messing about instead of studying then you’re going to be spending the rest of the year locked away.’

‘You can’t, it’s not fair! I haven’t done anything.’

‘Hopefully that’s what Mr Swift will tell me on Friday.’

There was an awkward moment when no one knew what to do next. Scarlett was desperate to leave, but didn’t want to run the gauntlet of her mum and Bryn. She dropped her head and slowly began to unbutton her jacket. Nina turned to Bryn. ‘Can I smell something burning?’

‘I hope not. I’ve made cottage pie but it’s not in the oven yet,’ he said, before realizing it was his cue to leave. He glanced back towards Scarlett who had taken off the jacket and was straightening her skirt. ‘Maybe I should go and put it in.’

‘Yes, that might be a good idea.’

When Bryn had left, Nina asked, ‘What’s going on, Scarlett?’

‘Nothing,’ her daughter mumbled as she stared at her feet.

‘I don’t believe you. There’s something troubling you and I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. It’s like I caught glimpses out of the corner of my eye, but every time I turned towards it, it was gone. But it is there, Scarlett, and the fact that your grades are slipping only proves it. You need to tell me.’

‘Has Bryn said anything?’

Nina’s insides twisted that bit more. ‘Said what?’

When Scarlett didn’t reply, Nina stepped further into the room to close the distance between them, but rather than take her daughter in a bear hug and squeeze the truth from her, Nina sat down on the bed and patted the space next to her. ‘Sit,’ she said.

Scarlett did as she was told, and Nina took hold of her hand. With mother and daughter staring forward, they both relaxed a little. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Nothing,’ Scarlett said quickly. ‘I just moan about my friends to Bryn, that’s all. They’re so immature sometimes.’

‘While you’re growing up fast,’ Nina said, but then paused to consider how slowly she should lead the conversation in the direction it needed to go. ‘Are you having sex?’

‘Mum!’ Scarlett cried, glancing at her briefly before remembering herself and looking away.

‘I’m not daft, Scarlett. I know it’s going to happen eventually and you’re showing all the classic signs of having man trouble.’

Scarlett laughed.

‘So I am right?’

Her daughter had continued to laugh, but very quickly she was gulping for air as she fought and failed to hold back the sobs. Terrified, Nina wrapped Scarlett in her arms and let her cry on her shoulder. She patted Scarlett’s back to match the pace of her own heart thumping inside her chest. ‘Oh, Scarlett. Please tell me what’s going on.’

‘I – don’t – know – what – to – do.’

‘About what? What’s happened?’

‘Nothing, nothing’s happened and I don’t know if it ever will.’

‘But you want it to?’

Scarlett nodded. ‘I think so.’

‘You think? That doesn’t sound so definite to me. You’re fifteen years old, Scarlett. You might feel like you’re all grown up, and I’m not saying you’re not maturing faster than I’d like, but you’re not there yet.’

‘But I want to be, Mum. I want this bit to be over. I want to be middle-aged with a boring job and a family.’

It was Nina’s turn to laugh. ‘It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’

‘Neither is being fifteen.’

‘I know. But I can’t go back in time, and you can’t fast forward. We are where we are.’

Scarlett hadn’t finished crying, but she managed to control her sobs enough to lift her head from her mum’s shoulder. ‘I’m scared, Mum. I don’t know what to do.’

‘If this boy respects you, then he’ll see you’re unsure and he’ll wait. Who are we talking about anyway? Is it Linus?’

Turning back to face the front, Scarlett put her hands over her face. ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘I can look after myself.’

‘Do we need to make an appointment with the GP?’ Nina asked.

Using the cuff of her jumper, Scarlett wiped away her tears. ‘No, it’s all right.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Yes.’

Nina hadn’t realized she had been holding her breath until she released it. She should have felt relieved, but she didn’t. Sorting out contraception was only ever going to be part of the solution. ‘OK, I’m trusting you to do the right thing, Scarlett, but whatever happens, you can’t let it affect your schoolwork. It’s an important year.’

‘Don’t I know it.’

‘No more going out with your friends until you’ve got your grades back up where they belong.’

‘You can’t do that! I’ll turn into a weirdo like Liam if I never go out,’ Scarlett said, not afraid to face her mum now. ‘And what about the party?’

‘Let’s see how we get on with Mr Swift first, shall we?’

‘Fine, as long as you know what you’re doing,’ Scarlett said with a hint of a warning. ‘Don’t blame me if I go crazy.’

In truth, Nina didn’t know what she was doing. She was attempting to navigate through a perilous period of parenthood without a road map. She didn’t know how to solve Scarlett’s problems and help her towards the next stage of her life, all she could do was let her know she didn’t have to do it on her own. She had a mum who loved her; a stepdad who would do anything for her; and a brother who would protect her if he knew what was good for him; not to mention Mr Swift, who would help her daughter get back on track, academically at least.

Scarlett

I was starting to feel weird around my friends. It was like I was out of sync with everyone. I tried to carry on as normal, but it was hard pretending not to have all these horrible feelings messing with my head.

Me and my friends spent most of our time hanging out in Eva’s garage. We’d made it really nice in there with a couple of old sofas and big fleecy throws so it was all cosy. Sometimes it was just us girls, but mostly it was the boys too – and when I say boys, I mean boys. Everyone was getting excited about the Halloween party Eva was planning for her sixteenth, and I wanted to get excited about it too, but part of me didn’t want to be around them any more. It was when I complained that the boys in our year were all lame that Eva came up with this stupid idea about inviting people from sixth form. If Liam was anything to go by, sixth formers weren’t exactly mature either.

It had really got to me that he had called me a little girl. It was so annoying because I didn’t want him to see me that way. That’s why I went on the pill.

It was so horrible when Mum tried to talk to me about it. Like I was going to tell her I’d already been to the doctor. And, oh my God, it was so disgusting when she just assumed I was thinking of going with Linus. As if! OK, we’d hung out together over the summer and we’d snogged a bit, but I never once said I was his girlfriend. It makes me cringe, thinking about all that fumbling around we did. I wanted something else. I wanted someone else and going on the pill was me being mature. I was getting prepared. I wanted to show him I wasn’t a silly little girl.

I should say now, in my defence, that I still wasn’t sure I’d actually do it, even if he wanted me to. Mum had said she trusted me and, for a split second, I honestly thought she did, but in the next breath she was having a rant about my schoolwork, which only proved she didn’t really.

It was so unfair because I was keeping up at school. I’m not totally irresponsible. Maybe I could have focused more, but if Mum thought forcing me to stay at home and take on extra lessons was going to solve my problems, well, it turns out that was so the wrong thing to do. Everyone was trying to fix things and it was laughable. They didn’t have a clue what was going on, none of them did, not Mum, not my friends and definitely not Mrs Anwar, who invited herself along to the meeting with Mr Swift.

‘Do you know why we’ve asked your mum to come in, Scarlett?’ Mrs Anwar said.

I was tempted to make some smart remark, but I bit my tongue and shrugged. She was sitting on one side of the table next to Mr Swift, while me and Mum sat on the other. It was a wonder my chair wasn’t smaller than everyone else’s so they could all look down on me. It was actually funny because I was taller than Mum and Mrs Anwar, and it was only Mr Swift who was on my level.

Mrs Anwar shuffled through a pile of papers in front of her and turned a couple around so Mum could read them. I didn’t need to, the sheets were covered in my writing with comments from teachers in red ink.

I still didn’t get what all the fuss was about and said, ‘I got a B for that one.’

‘And a C for the other one,’ Mr Swift said. ‘And for some of our students that would be a pretty decent result, but not for you, Scarlett.’ He dug out another test paper further down in the pile. ‘This is the kind of result you were getting last year.’

Mum leant forward to read the grade. ‘An A-star.’

‘And there are plenty more where that came from,’ he said. ‘Just not this year.’

‘I’ve only been back five minutes,’ I said. ‘I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal of it.’

‘Don’t you?’ Mr Swift asked.

I held his gaze so he knew I wasn’t a pushover, and then I bit my lip just to make him feel uncomfortable. It might have worked if he hadn’t turned to look at Mum.

‘We might only be halfway through the first term, Mrs Thomas, but soon there’ll be no new learning as we switch focus to revision and mock exams, and after that it’s the real thing. There’s only a small window of opportunity to get Scarlett back on track.’

‘What do we need to do?’

‘We can draw up a revision plan together,’ Mrs Anwar said. ‘It will help Scarlett organize her time better, as well as giving you an idea of the amount of effort she should be putting in.’ She turned to give me a smile. ‘We’re not suggesting you’re in trouble, Scarlett – far from it. You’re one of our best students and we want you to get the most out of the next few months so that you achieve the results we all agree you deserve.’

‘Thank you,’ Mum said, when I just sat there gritting my teeth.

‘As well as the revision plan,’ Mrs Anwar continued, ‘Mr Swift has offered to give you extra support. That could simply be checking with you regularly to make sure you’re keeping to the plan, but if you’re stuck on a particular subject, he can arrange for you to get support from specific teachers. He’s also kindly offered to give you extra revision sessions after class so you can continue to prepare for your exams in a school environment.’

‘Does that sound OK to you, Scarlett?’ Mr Swift asked. He was the only one to notice that I hadn’t actually agreed to anything yet. ‘If we can get started straight away, you’ll have a schedule to work to over half-term.’

I was still playing it cool and shrugged.

‘Great, that’s exactly what I like to see,’ Mr Swift said, rubbing his hands together, ‘a student who’s raring to go.’

‘We can only make suggestions, Scarlett,’ Mrs Anwar said. ‘It’s you who has to knuckle down and do the work.’

‘So?’ Mum asked me.

‘Can I think about it?’

Mrs Anwar looked as if she were about to explode, but Mr Swift played me at my own game. ‘Yes, of course you can, Scarlett,’ he said. ‘For all of fifteen seconds and then you’re on your own.’

‘And the longer it takes for you to get this sorted,’ Mum added, ‘the longer you’ll be grounded. It would be a shame if you missed Eva’s birthday party.’

‘OK, fine!’ I said and glared at Mr Swift when I added, ‘I’ll do anything you want!’

There was a sigh from Mum. ‘I hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for,’ she told him.

In a funny sort of way, I was up for the challenge. I’d started playing men at their own game. I’d had enough of feeling uncomfortable about the way they all looked at me. I hadn’t realized that if I returned that look I could turn them into quivering wrecks. That way I could have them eating out of my hand. All of them.

7
The Accusations

When Freya came into their bedroom in the early hours of the morning, Vikki didn’t complain for once. She didn’t want to lie in bed pretending to be asleep while her husband lay next to her doing the same, but as she went to pull back the covers, Rob jumped up.

‘It’s all right,’ he said, ‘I’ll see to her.’

Freya had climbed on to the bed and kissed Vikki’s cheek. ‘Me watch Peppa Pig with Daddy. You go sleep now, Mummy.’

Vikki closed her eyes, but the moment she heard Rob and Freya reach the bottom of the stairs, she let out a sob and had to press the back of her hand against her mouth. What had got into her? What was she so afraid of?

Ignoring her daughter’s instructions, Vikki sat up and rubbed angrily at the tears she didn’t want to fall. After everything they had been through recently, they were meant to be rebuilding their lives. Why couldn’t she do that instead of looking for faultlines? She had the best family, the best husband she could hope for. Why did she suddenly doubt everything? Did she really think there was a problem between her and Rob, or was she imagining it? It had been tough on both of them when she had spent so much time with her mum, but that had only made them appreciate each other more. Hadn’t it made them stronger? It had definitely made Vikki stronger.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Vikki attempted to pull her life into focus, but her eyes settled on Rob’s mobile phone on the bedside cabinet. She reached for it without hesitation and quickly tapped out four digits before she had a chance to stop herself. She half expected Rob’s old passcode to be rejected. It wasn’t, and a second later the screen lit up.

Vikki had never checked Rob’s phone before, or at least not without his knowledge. She had answered it often enough when he was driving, and occasionally had a sneaky peek at his messages, commenting on how often Mrs Anwar contacted him and suggesting the Head of School had a crush on him. But Rob deserved her complete faith and she hated herself for what she was doing. She hated herself more when she skimmed through a list of messages that revealed absolutely nothing to justify her doubts. Rob appeared to be more popular with PPI firms and mobile phone providers than he was with real people. A couple of teachers had been in touch and there were a handful of messages from pupils he had given his number to, kids who had needed extra support during the year, but none of these made her stomach lurch; none had been from Scarlett.

A creak on the stairs gave her a start and she almost dropped the phone as she closed it down and put it back where Rob had left it. By the time he came into the bedroom, she was curled up in bed with her eyes tightly closed.

She heard him pick up his phone before whispering, ‘I’m making a cuppa if you want one?’

It was a gesture of kindness that Vikki didn’t deserve and tears threatened again. Rather than look at him, she buried her head in her pillow to wipe her eyes. ‘I’m going to grab a shower first,’ she said, pulling herself up and managing to avoid eye contact.

Rob was more interested in his phone than his wife’s odd behaviour and said, ‘OK, see you in a bit.’

Vikki turned towards Rob and watched him disappear out of the room. There had been a time when she would have felt a physical ache whenever they were apart, and she knew Rob had felt the same. She didn’t feel it now; in fact, she was looking forward to time on her own once Rob had set off for work. Was that just growing up and growing used to someone, or was this the problem she had been searching for? When was the last time Rob had ached for her, and what had he done when she hadn’t been there to satisfy his needs?

8
Before

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Vikki linked arms with Rob as he pushed Freya’s buggy along a winding country road. She liked the feeling of completeness it gave her. ‘I’ve missed this,’ she said, and was surprised to hear a catch in her voice. She had been staying at her mum’s for the best part of a month and while she and Rob had tried to see each other every day, sometimes that hadn’t been possible for one reason or another. Weekends were easier and she intended to keep Rob with her for as much of this Sunday as she could.

‘It’s not like we were ever in the habit of going for country walks,’ Rob replied.

‘You know what I mean. I’ve missed this,’ she said, giving his arm a squeeze. ‘I’ve missed doing stuff together. I’ve even missed having you looking over my shoulder to check what I’m buying when we go food shopping.’

‘Is that all you’ve missed?’

She squeezed his arm again. ‘Of course not.’

‘No, I didn’t think so,’ Rob said and gave a soft chuckle. ‘If only Mrs Anwar knew what we get up to when I sneak off for an early lunch.’

Rob had continued to refuse to stay over at her mum’s, and their sex life might have suffered if it wasn’t for their furtive meetings during the day while Freya was at nursery. ‘It won’t be for ever,’ she said.

‘I know and, if I’m honest, I quite like our little trysts. It reminds me of the old days.’

She smiled at the memories Rob was evoking. When they had first started dating, they had enjoyed a certain thrill in meeting up in secret. ‘Shall we do it again? How about tomorrow?’

‘It’s a date,’ he said.

They had strayed down one of the narrow lanes that criss-crossed the countryside around her mum’s house, not giving much thought to which direction they were going, or so it seemed.

‘We can’t be too far from the old Ellison House,’ she said.

Rob kissed the top of her head. ‘Shall we see if we can find it?’

Vikki was too young to remember the last time the Ellison House had been open to the public. An entrepreneur had taken it over in the nineties with the intention of transforming it into an adventure playground, but he had run out of money before it had a chance to take off. Rob had fond memories of the place and had taken Vikki to show her the tree where he had fallen off a rope swing and broken his leg. The site had been cleared by that point and the house boarded up, and so they had come up with some adventures of their own making.

The bridle path Rob was convinced led to the house wasn’t one in regular use and even if they weren’t pushing a buggy, Vikki and Rob would have struggled to make their way through overgrown bracken and layers of crisp autumn leaves that hid a slimy rotten layer beneath.

‘This is too hard and I’m getting blisters,’ Vikki complained. ‘Can we go back, please? I think Freya’s about to drop off anyway.’

Freya had been walking with them at first, insisting she was a big girl now and didn’t need her pushchair, but as Rob had predicted, her short legs had grown tired. She was sitting happily enough in the buggy and they hadn’t heard a peep out of her for the last five minutes.

‘I suppose,’ Rob said, taking one last look to see if he could spy the memories he wasn’t quite ready to release. He was about to turn the buggy around when he stopped and did a double take. ‘Hold on, isn’t that a chimney stack?’

They persevered down the path a while longer and found themselves on the outer edges of the long-abandoned park. There were signs of what had once been a clearing in front of the old house, although the tender saplings Vikki recalled from earlier visits had become more established.

‘Fancy taking a closer look?’ Rob asked as he glanced back to make sure she was following.

By the time they reached the dilapidated driveway of the old Victorian house, Freya was fast asleep. They left her buggy close to the wire-mesh fencing panels that guarded the perimeter of the abandoned house before squeezing between two sections so they could take a closer look. The metal shutters on the doors and windows were corroded but intact, and prevented unwelcome visitors from getting any further.

‘It hasn’t changed, has it?’ Vikki said.

Rob slipped his arms around Vikki’s waist. ‘Ah, but have you?’

In the next moment, he had her pressed up against a nearby wall beneath a rambling wisteria. When they kissed, she felt herself falling back in time. ‘Rob, we can’t,’ she whispered.

‘That’s not what you used to say,’ Rob said and kissed her again.

‘We didn’t have Freya with us then. What if she wakes up and sees us?’ she said when she could draw breath.

Rob’s movements slowed as he began unzipping her padded coat. ‘Does that mean you want me to stop?’

Vikki closed her eyes and groaned softly as Rob kissed her neck. She tried not to think of their little girl only feet away as Rob began undoing her jeans. She searched for a gap in his jacket so she could reach inside.

‘This is what you’ve missed,’ he said as he yanked down her jeans and knickers at the same time before pushing her against the wall. She cried out before she could stop herself as her bare bottom made contact with the ice-cold brick wall.

‘Mummy!’ cried a sleepy Freya.

Rob and Vikki let out matching sighs of frustration.

‘Told you,’ she said.

‘God, I miss you,’ he whispered softly. His hand was between her legs and he waited until she gasped before he stepped back.

‘We can pick up where we left off tomorrow,’ she promised, but Rob had already turned away and slipped back through the fence. Fumbling with her clothes, Vikki was eager to follow, calling after him. ‘Rob?’

He seemed not to hear as he rocked the buggy to soothe Freya back to sleep. When she reached his side, she whispered, ‘I’ll be home soon.’

‘So you keep saying. I’m starting to think you don’t want to come back, Victoria.’

‘Of course I do!’ she hissed. ‘But I have to make sure Mum gets well enough to face the chemo. You want that too, don’t you?’

Rob lowered his head when he said, ‘Sorry, I’m being selfish, aren’t I?’

‘You really think I don’t want to come home?’

Rob gave a vague shake of the head rather than answer as they walked away from the house.

‘I suppose Mum is managing much better on her own now,’ Vikki said when the silence became unbearable. ‘And Lesley’s insisting on dropping by most days, even though we haven’t got any holiday bookings coming up.’

‘It’s your decision, Vikki. You know I’d never push you into doing something you didn’t want to.’

They were walking down the country lane that would take them the long way back to her mum’s. It was easier than tackling the bridle path again, but now it was the choice Rob was giving her that Vikki was struggling with. Her pulse raced as she prepared to tell him that she would come home, now, today, but the words wouldn’t come. She kept thinking about her dad. Vikki had never had the chance to say goodbye to him, and he had been on his own when he collapsed. She couldn’t leave her mum to the same fate.

They walked for a while without speaking, Rob waiting for her to decide, Vikki wishing she didn’t have to. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked eventually, although what she had wanted to ask was, were they OK.

Rob sounded so dejected when he said, ‘I thought it would be nice to have you home for half-term, that’s all.’

‘I want to be home by then too. I want us to take Freya trick-or-treating on Halloween. We can carve pumpkins and eat all her sweets for her own good,’ she said, a bit too brightly. ‘I’ve already got outfits for me and Freya. I made them myself. Mum’s been nagging me for ages to learn how to sew and she’s turning me into a proper little housewife, Not that there’s anything proper about my outfit. I’m going to be a wicked witch. A very naughty wicked witch.’

Rob was smiling when he said, ‘You drive me crazy, do you know that? As if I’m not missing you enough as it is. Still, don’t worry about me, I’m sure I’ll get used to being without you. Who knows? I might not want you back.’

Vikki refused to be taken in by Rob’s brave words: he couldn’t live without her. ‘I love you, Rob, and I hate this as much as you do, but—’

‘But what?’ he asked sharply. In a lower voice, he added, ‘I can’t help thinking you’re actually as desperate as I am to get back home. Is this your way of getting me to be the bad guy and tell your mum? I’m sorry, Vikki, but I can’t do that. For what it’s worth, I think it would be the right thing to do and I’ll support you all the way, but you have to be the one to talk to her.’

As Rob picked up his pace, Vikki trailed behind and didn’t catch up until they arrived back at her mum’s house. They found Elaine in the living room, snoozing with a magazine on her lap. She held her body in an awkward position with the left side of her chest looking almost concave compared to her right breast. Vikki knelt down beside her and squeezed her hand.

When Elaine peeled open her eyes and realized she had not one but two onlookers, she immediately shifted up in her chair and pulled back her shoulders. ‘Sorry, I must have dozed off. Do you want some tea?’

Tears were stinging Vikki’s eyes. ‘Mum, I’ve been thinking—’

‘Vikki, maybe now’s not the time,’ Rob interjected; he had remained at the door. ‘Let’s leave it.’

Elaine looked at them both in turn. ‘Leave what?’

Vikki had spent the last ten minutes walking in silence and rehearsing what she was going to say to her mum. She didn’t know how to deal with this latest turn of events. ‘I miss being at home, Mum. I miss being with Rob,’ she blurted out in the hope that either her mum or her husband would reach the right conclusion for her.

‘And I’ve had you to myself for far too long,’ Elaine said, giving her daughter’s hand a squeeze. ‘I can manage on my own, of course I can, and the sooner you go, the sooner I can prove it to you all.’

‘You don’t have to do this, Elaine,’ Rob said. ‘I can manage perfectly well at home in my little bachelor pad.’

‘Can you now? I’d say that’s all the more reason for your wife to go back home.’

‘Mum—’

Elaine didn’t let her daughter finish. ‘Go home, Victoria, and look after your family. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a husband who loves and supports you. Don’t take that for granted, not ever.’

Tears stung Vikki’s eyes. Why did everything have to be so complicated? She didn’t want to leave her mum to fend for herself. She was terrified of losing her, but now there was a new fear, one that she had never considered before. What if there was a risk of losing her husband too?

‘Go home,’ Elaine repeated.

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

When Rob lifted himself off her and collapsed on to the bed, Vikki turned on to her side and let her body meld into his, her spine curving against his chest so they were in perfect symmetry. It was moments like this that proved they were made for each other. Rob would look after her and love her for ever, like he promised he always would. When he slipped an arm around her waist, the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck sent a delicious shiver down her spine.

‘God, Vikki, you’re wearing me out,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘It’s a good job I’m not in school this week.’

She smiled as she pushed her bottom against him in the safe knowledge that her husband was completely spent. ‘When I suggested we should have an early night,’ she said, ‘I did actually mean so you could catch up on your sleep.’

‘Yeah, sure you did.’

Since Vikki’s return home, she and Rob had been behaving like honeymooners, but after ten days even Vikki’s youthful athleticism was no match for her husband’s needs. That evening she would have been more than happy to simply go to bed to sleep, and it was what she was desperate to do now, but Rob began nibbling her earlobe.

‘I was thinking,’ he said.

‘Thinking what exactly?’

‘Have you given any more thought to going back to work?’

Her eyes felt heavy, but the very mention of finding a job piqued her interest and staved off sleep. She had been idly surfing the net over the last few days, searching for vacancies even if she wasn’t quite ready, or able, to commit to anything yet.

‘I keep looking, but only out of curiosity. I wouldn’t dream of applying for anything until Mum’s finished all her treatment. But I will,’ she added, and she was hopeful. Her mum had had her first round of chemo earlier that week and they were both surprised by how well she had dealt with the toxic chemicals that had been pumped into her system. The doctors had warned Elaine that it might take a week to recover from what would be three weekly cycles for the next three months. Everyone reacted differently apparently and there was likely to be a cumulative effect, but if this first round was anything to go by, then Vikki was hoping her mum would be one of the lucky ones.

Rob kissed her neck. ‘But you do want more kids, don’t you?’

‘Eventually,’ she whispered, although, if she were being honest, it was something she was happy to put off for as long as possible.

‘Don’t you think it might be better to do it now?’

‘Now? As in while Mum’s fighting for her life?’ she asked, using the same argument as before for putting off the job search, only with a little more desperation.

‘You know I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that you’re a natural when it comes to being a mum, and Freya’s thrived because you’ve been able to stay at home and look after her. I know you, Vikki. You’d want to give our next baby the best start too, but if you were committed to a career, wouldn’t you feel torn? Wouldn’t it be better to complete our family first?’

‘Is that what you think we should do?’ she asked.

He nibbled her ear again. ‘I want what you want, no more, no less. You’re beautiful, and talented, and amazing. You can do anything you set your mind to.’

‘But it’s not my decision alone. It should be both of us.’

‘And it is. We both agree we want more kids, it’s all about the timing, that’s all. I honestly don’t mind either way, which means it’s only right that you should choose the ‘when’ in our family plan.’

‘But I don’t know,’ Vikki said, struck with sudden doubt. She had been counting down the days until Freya started pre-school and she had set her heart on finding a job that would get her out of the house, but so much had changed. Perhaps she should rethink her plans.

‘Well, maybe it’s something you need to at least start thinking about.’

‘I will,’ she said, and yawned deliberately. ‘But now isn’t exactly the best time to make plans, is it?’

She felt Rob’s chest push against her back as he inhaled deeply and released a sigh. She was tempted to say something else, although what that something should be, she didn’t know. Rob pulled his arm away and turned on to his back so that they were no longer touching. ‘Sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I know your mum has to come first for now and, for the record, I think you’re dealing with it all so well. I’m really proud of you, Vikki.’

‘I’m proud of you too,’ she said, turning to look at him. With only the dull glow from the digital clock, she couldn’t read his expression. ‘I couldn’t have coped without your support, you know that, don’t you?’

Rob pulled the covers up over his chest. ‘For what it’s worth, you have it. Don’t ever doubt that,’ he said, and a moment later he was snoring softly. Vikki, on the other hand, held out little hope of finding sleep any time soon.

Friday, 30 October 2015

Vikki stood in her mum’s bedroom, looking out across fields and thick woodland in the distance. The turning leaves of the ancient oaks and beeches lining the horizon had been aflame only yesterday, but in the grey light of a new day, they had turned brown and lifeless. Closer to home, the field that would normally be occupied by half a dozen horses was ominously empty.

It was almost Halloween, after which Vikki would begin counting down to Christmas, but what would the New Year bring? She imagined the field covered in layers of sand, stone and cement to make way for a development of sixteen detached homes, and everything else that entailed. Where once there were wildflowers and hedgerows, there would be Tarmac and block paving.

‘I thought you’d gone.’

The ragged voice was frail and fearful, and had no right belonging to her mum.

‘There’s no rush,’ Vikki said. ‘Freya’s having a nap and Rob’s gone home.’

‘Doesn’t he mind you staying?’

‘Rob was the one who suggested it,’ Vikki assured her. ‘He had another one of his extra-tuition classes this afternoon anyway.’

‘As long as I’m not spoiling your plans. I’m sure I could manage on my own.’

Despite her claims, Elaine could barely manage the task of raising herself into a sitting position.

‘So you keep saying,’ Vikki said.

Before stepping away from the window, she took one last look at the picturesque setting that had made her parents fall in love with the house in the first place, and the reason her mum’s paying guests came back time and again.

‘Have the diggers moved in yet?’ Elaine asked.

‘You weren’t asleep that long.’

‘Maybe I should get up,’ she suggested.

‘No, Mum. You’ve spent the last few days pushing yourself too hard and look what’s happened. The doctor said to stay in bed, so I’m here to make sure that’s what you do.’

Elaine reluctantly allowed her daughter to support her as she pulled herself up. After four days of wondering what all the fuss was about, Elaine’s body had provided an unwelcome reminder that this was a fight for life. When Vikki had arrived that morning for what was meant to be a quick visit with Rob and Freya, Elaine had still been in bed. She had caught a virus.

‘And don’t you worry about what might or might not be happening over the road,’ Vikki continued. ‘Even if the council does approve the planning application, I won’t give up. I’ll write to our MP, I’ll start a petition. I’ll do whatever it takes, even if it means lying down in front of the diggers if they dare to show up.’

Elaine patted the space on the bed next to her and when her daughter sat down, she took hold of her hand. ‘You’re growing up fast.’

‘I’m twenty-four, Mum. I know I don’t always act it, but I am an adult.’

‘Your dad would be proud of you.’

‘Would he?’ Vikki asked. ‘Or would he be disappointed that five years after my gap year, I still don’t have a degree or a career?’

‘He might not have liked it when you announced you were taking a year out, but I think he was quietly pleased that you were strong-minded enough to go out and get what you wanted, so yes, he would be very proud of you. I know I am,’ Elaine said with as much conviction as she could muster. ‘You have a beautiful family, Vikki, and who’s to say none of that other stuff won’t happen in time?’

It was on the tip of Vikki’s tongue to mention Rob’s suggestion of another baby, but she couldn’t yet trust herself to repeat the idea and make it her own. ‘Maybe you’re right.’

Hearing the uncertainty in her daughter’s words, Elaine added, ‘Don’t give up on your dreams, that’s what your dad would be saying to you.’

‘I’m trying not to,’ Vikki said, although she wasn’t too sure any more what those dreams should be. ‘But for now, I’m happy to take things one day at a time. Do you think you could stomach some food? Maybe some toast and a cup of tea?’

Elaine’s features turned green at the suggestion. ‘The only thing I need right now is my next dose of anti-emetics.’

Vikki was quiet for a moment as she wrestled with another decision she had been presented with. ‘Lesley said she’d call in later, but it’s not enough, is it? Truthfully, Mum, do you need me to stay with you for a few days?’

‘Yes.’

Vikki felt a rush of panic. She had expected her mum to put up a fight and make some comment about Vikki’s place being at home with her husband, but there really wasn’t any fight left in her. Vikki’s unease began to ramp up when she realized she would have to tell Rob what she had just done.

Under the guise of fetching Elaine’s medication, Vikki went downstairs to make the call. She didn’t think he would say no – he had told her she had his support – but even so, it had been such a struggle for them both last time. The knot in Vikki’s stomach tightened as Rob’s phone rang out and eventually went to voicemail. He would be at the library with his students so, rather than leave a message, she resigned herself to a nervous wait. Fortunately, he returned her call only a matter of minutes later.

‘Am I disturbing you?’ she asked.

‘No, we were due a break anyway.’

‘Right, the thing is, I’m still with Mum,’ Vikki said slowly. ‘She’s no better. In fact, I think she’s worse.’

‘Ah.’

‘I can’t leave her, Rob,’ she said, and bit her lip before adding, ‘Would you mind if I stayed?’

‘I think the point is, would your mum mind you staying after kicking you out less than a fortnight ago?’

‘She wants me to stay, which only proves how sick she is.’

‘Oh right, so it’s all been arranged and it doesn’t really matter what I think?’

‘It wasn’t like that. I thought she’d say no when I offered,’ she said. ‘If you don’t want me to stay, Rob, then I won’t. I just thought …’

‘It’s all right,’ Rob said softly. ‘Your mum’s ill and I can hardly complain about coming second. I am going to miss my naughty witch, though.’

‘You could still come over tomorrow so we can go trick-or-treating.’

‘Erm, I think I might find some extra marking to do instead.’

‘You’re not angry with me, are you?’ she asked.

‘If I say yes,’ he said, lowering his voice, ‘does that mean you’ll make it up to me when you do come home?’

‘I’ll do whatever you want.’

‘That would be a first,’ Rob said, and Vikki couldn’t be sure if he was playing with her, or if he was genuinely hurt.

‘No, I mean it. I love you,’ she said. ‘If you can put up with me being a terrible wife for a bit longer, I promise I will make it up to you.’

Scarlett

Do you want to hear about the first time we did it? I think I should tell you, just so you know it wasn’t like people think. No way was he abusing me.

It happened on Halloween, which is quite funny when you think about it. I still wasn’t sure how I was supposed to handle this secret power I had over men, and the next minute I was getting to use it. It wasn’t planned or anything. I was too busy dreading Eva’s party. I knew she’d be gloating about being sixteen, even if she wasn’t going to be legal for another week. Not that she had anyone to get legal with at that point.

I know Eva’s my best friend, and don’t get me wrong, she is really pretty, but she has the most ridiculous laugh you can imagine. I think it was her laugh that put boys off, but that wasn’t going to stop Eva trying, and I had this horrible feeling I know who she was after.

I’d been grounded all week and had only been allowed out to go to the library. I definitely wasn’t allowed to see friends, which suited me fine because I much preferred adult company anyway. I was so over being a hysterical teenager and when Bryn dropped me and Liam off at the party, I didn’t want to get out of the car.

‘Call me when you’re ready to come home.’

‘Do we have to come home together?’ I asked. There was no way I was going to waste my breath arguing with my drunken brother about what time to leave.

‘I can walk home,’ Liam said.

‘I have a feeling you won’t be walking in a straight line by midnight,’ Bryn answered. And then to me he said, ‘I’ll pick you up together or separately, whatever you want, Scarlett.’

Seriously, that should have been within five minutes of stepping into the house, which was already full of schoolkids who were pissed before they arrived. I’d been invited for pre-drinks with Linus and a few of the others, but there was no way I’d say yes to him. I wanted Linus to know I wasn’t interested in him, but he didn’t do subtle.

‘Here, you look like you need it,’ he said as he handed me a pint glass full of gin and lemonade.

I must have downed it in a couple of minutes and I did start to relax after that, a bit too much, if I’m honest. A couple of hours later I ended up sitting on Linus’s knee while a group of us talked about life-and-death decisions, like what was better, Burger King or McDonald’s. Linus hadn’t started trying to grope me yet, but it was like only a matter of time.

Anyway, I was messing about on my phone, which was much better than watching Eva and Liam sucking the faces off each other. I wrote out a message and dared myself to send it.

What are you doing?

The reply came maybe ten seconds later.

What are YOU doing?

I told you I’d hate this party and I do

Want to talk about it?

Yes

Want to meet?

Linus was stroking my leg and he kept slipping his hand under my pirate’s jacket. I took one look around the room and asked myself what the hell I was waiting for, but I did hesitate, I swear. I didn’t want to let Mum down, she trusted me. But then I reminded myself how she hadn’t thought about me when she decided to bring Bryn into our lives. Maybe that didn’t justify what I did, but I couldn’t help myself. I sent the reply before I could change my mind.

Yes

Now?

Yes! Yes! Yes!!

Slipping out of the party was easy enough, I just said I was going to the loo and never went back. He was waiting at the top of the road where no one would see me getting into his car. We didn’t really speak until he’d parked up on some quiet country lane that was miles away from anywhere. All I could hear was my heart thudding.

‘I was waiting for your message. I knew you’d want to escape.’

‘I suppose you think you know me so well now.’

He unbuckled his seat belt and turned towards me. ‘I don’t know. Do I?’

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t daft. I knew what might be about to happen and part of me wanted him to take control and tell me what to do, but he’s not like that.

‘What would you like to talk about, Scarlett?’

I told myself to stop panicking and use my superpowers. ‘Tell me about you,’ I said.

‘What you see is what you get.’

I can’t believe I had the nerve to say what I said next and it was a good job it was dark because I was blushing so much. ‘Really?’ I said. ‘So what am I getting?’

He took hold of my hand and kissed it. I could feel the tip of his tongue licking my skin and you have no idea what it did to me.

‘So what now?’ I asked. I was desperate for the teasing to stop and to just get on and do it.

‘I think you know.’

‘Then say it. Are you too scared?’

‘Are you?’ he asked.

‘I’m on the pill.’

He stretched his spine and groaned. He didn’t look nervous one bit, while I was starting to shake like an idiot.

‘Why don’t we move to the back seat?’ he said. ‘There’s more room there.’

When I got out of the car, I stumbled. It was the fresh air making my head spin, but no way was I going to back out and make an idiot of myself again. We got into the back and sat next to each other like two strangers sitting on a bus. It was just too funny and I had to stop myself from giggling.

‘You’re a beautiful woman, Scarlett,’ he said. ‘Any man would be lucky to be in my position, but I need you to think very carefully about what might be about to happen. This is serious stuff and I’m trusting you. No one can know about this. You do realize how many lives we could destroy, and all because …’

‘Because what?’

‘Because it’s Halloween and you’ve put me under your spell.’ It was such a corny line that I really was about to laugh this time, but what he said next sobered me up straight away. ‘I want you so badly, Scarlett. Do you want me?’

‘Yes,’ I said, and it was so weird because I suddenly wanted to cry. I don’t know why. I wasn’t frightened. I think I was just shocked that someone could want me so much that they would like, put their life in danger for me.

‘I’m a virgin,’ I blurted out.

He smiled. ‘I know, and I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to. You’re the one in control, Scarlett.’

‘But I don’t know what to do.’

‘Why don’t you start by taking those off,’ he said, patting my leg.

I took off my leggings.

‘And your knickers.’

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