Dear Reader

Welcome to Nikki and Fraser’s story. These two have their share of issues to resolve, stemming from those uncertain teenage years when they, like the rest of us, were finding out about themselves and putting their toes in the dating waters.

I’ve set this story around the ambulance service as I have a lot of admiration for the people who regularly face situations that would have most of us hiding under a blanket. The exacting standards of care and service are a credit to each and every member of the New Zealand St John Ambulance Service.

I personally spent time working with the crews at Blenheim Station, but for the purposes of this book have used fictitious characters and events.

But in the end this story is about Nikki and Fraser finding their way back to each other. I hope you enjoy it.

Until next time …

Cheers!

Sue

PS I’d love to hear from you, so drop me a line on sue.mackay56@yahoo.com or visit my website at www.suemackay.co.nz

About the Author

With a background of working in medical laboratories and a love of the romance genre, it is no surprise that SUE MACKAY writes Mills & Boon® Medical Romance™ stories. An avid reader all her life, she wrote her first story at age eight—about a prince, of course. She lives with her own hero in the beautiful Marlborough Sounds, at the top of New Zealand’s South Island, where she indulges her passions for the outdoors, the sea and cycling.

Born to a family that was always on the move, TINA BECKETT learned to pack a suitcase almost before she knew how to tie her shoes. Fortunately she met a man who also loved to travel, and she snapped him right up. Married for over twenty years, Tina has three wonderful children and has lived in gorgeous places such as Portugal and Brazil.

Living where English reading material is difficult to find has its drawbacks, however. Tina had to come up with creative ways to satisfy her love for romance novels, so she picked up her pen and tried writing one. After her tenth book she realised she was hooked. She was officially a writer.

A three-times Golden Heart finalist, and fluent in Portuguese, Tina now divides her time between the United States and Brazil. She loves to use exotic locales as the backdrop for many of her stories. When she’s not writing, you can find her either on horseback or soldering stained-glass panels for her home.

Tina loves to hear from readers. You can contact her through her website or ‘friend’ her on Facebook.

Also by Sue MacKay:

 EVERY BOY’S DREAM DAD

 THE DANGERS OF DATING YOUR BOSS

 SURGEON IN A WEDDING DRESS

 RETURN OF THE MAVERICK

 PLAYBOY DOCTOR TO DOTING DAD

 THEIR MARRIAGE MIRACLE

These books are also available in eBook format from www.millsandboon.co.uk

Christmas with Dr Delicious

Sue MacKay

www.millsandboon.co.uk

MILLS & BOON

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This book is dedicated to all my extended family. You’ve always been there for me through all those blips life tosses up. Love you all.

And to the Cancer Society of New Zealand, especially the Blenheim and Christchurch branches. You are awesome.

Thank you so much for your care and concern.

CHAPTER ONE

‘OKAY, everyone, listen up.’ Mike, the Blenheim Ambulance Base manager, strode purposefully into the staffroom and straddled a chair. ‘I’ve just been talking to the boffins in Nelson.’

Nikki lifted her head from her laptop where she had been engrossed in her studies. Any conversation between Nelson, where their overall boss worked from, and Blenheim stations usually had a direct effect on everyone. ‘What now?’ she asked with a grin. ‘Got to cut back on our coffee intake?’

Mike grinned back as he shook his head. ‘Nothing so drastic. We’ve employed a paramedic, starting in eight days’ time.’

Good news for once. ‘That’s going to lighten the workload for some of us.’ They had plenty of volunteers working as ambulance officers but few full-time paramedics and advanced paramedics, which meant she was always being called in to work extra shifts. Not that she minded most of the time. More shifts meant more pay to spend at the fashion shops.

Mike hadn’t finished. ‘Gavin, I intend putting the two of you together so you can mentor him as he trains for his Advanced Paramedic qualification. I think you’ll get on well with him. He comes across as confident and competent, as well as likeable.’

Gavin’s face turned thoughtful. ‘Why not Nikki? She’s just as capable as me.’

Unused to Gavin questioning anything, Mike looked taken aback. ‘She is, but at the moment this is how I want it to run. Okay?’

‘Sure.’ But Gavin looked worried.

To give him a break Nikki asked, ‘So who is this person? Anyone we know?’

‘I doubt it. He’s been in Dunedin for years, but has decided to move back home. His credentials were too good not to take him on immediately. He could get a job anywhere in New Zealand if he wanted.’

Nikki shivered. A guy returning home from Dunedin after years away. Why should that raise her antenna so quickly? Quite a few people from here had gone to university in Dunedin and not come back. She glanced up at Mike but saw nothing more than enthusiasm for his new staff member. Another shiver tripped through her. ‘Do we get a name for this guy?’

Mike’s gaze remained fixed on her. ‘Fraser McCall.’

The air left her lungs in a whoosh. The warning shaking her body had been right. ‘That doesn’t make sense. Are you talking about Fraser Ian McCall? Twenty-seven years old?’

‘The same man.’ Mike frowned. ‘Problem?’

Yes. A big one. Panic squeezed her, turned her skin icy. Fraser could not work here, in this station, with her. He could not. It was too small. They’d always be running into each other, even if they were on opposing shifts. Did he know she worked here? If he did then it was unfair of him to even contemplate joining up. Why had he? ‘He’s a doctor, not a paramedic.’

Mike stood up. ‘Wrong. McCall’s been working on the ambulances for three years.’

Really? Why? Five years ago Fraser had just finished his fourth year at med school so that left two years between then and now unaccounted for. Of course, she hadn’t heard anything about him since she’d returned home from Dunedin but he must’ve finished his studies at university in that time. Swallowing hard to push away the sudden blockage in her throat, she croaked, ‘What was he doing before he joined the ambulance service?’

‘You know I can’t give out confidential information about any of the staff, including you, Nikki.’ There was a warning, a message, in Mike’s eyes just for her.

Hadn’t Fraser mentioned to Mike he knew her? That they had history not easily dismissed? Hell, that they couldn’t possibly work together? For five long years Fraser had shown he didn’t give a damn about what had become of her. Why would he start now?

‘Does he know I work here?’

‘Yes. He seemed surprised. Said he knew you when you were a chef, and that you hadn’t had a medical thought in your head.’

She dipped her head in acknowledgement. ‘True.’ Unexpected pain lashed at her. Was that all he admitted to remembering about her? What about the part where he had been her fiancé? Or that they’d lived together for three years? Been high-school sweethearts?

Her brain ran into overdrive, trying to assimilate the one piece of news she’d never, ever expected to be told. Or wanted to hear. Her hands clenched in her trouser pockets. How could she work with the man who’d once sworn he loved her so much he’d broken his own vow and proposed before he’d finished his training?

The man who had not shown up for their wedding, leaving her looking a complete fool, shaking in her high heels and beautiful silk gown, clinging to her father’s arm as they’d stood on the top step ready to walk the aisle. To her love, her bright and exciting future.

They’d waited, and waited, she and her dad. Slowly her mother had joined them, then her four brothers had surrounded them, protecting her from the buzz of questions rising from the guests also waiting.

At the time she’d been frantic, thinking the worst, imagining him in a hospital bed after an accident, but he hadn’t been there. Or anywhere she’d called. It had been as though he’d vanished into thin air. Then late that night he’d called her from who knew where. It had been the call she’d have given anything not to receive.

‘Nik, I’m so sorry. About today, about everything. I won’t be marrying you. Not ever. I’m sorry.’ Fraser had choked and then the line had gone dead. As far as she knew, he hadn’t been seen in Blenheim since.

The pen in Nikki’s fingers shook, creating wonky lines as she filled in the weekly checklist for Blenheim One ambulance. Her teeth pressed into her top lip, inflicting a sharp pain. ‘What’s wrong with me this morning?’ She couldn’t blame the icy chill from the late winter frost blanketing Blenheim.

Fraser McCall. That’s what’s wrong.

‘I know.’ Her teeth dug harder.

So what are you going to say to him first? Hi, and welcome. Or, where’ve you been hiding for the past five years since you ran out on me?

‘Definitely not that. That’d be telling him how much I still care and that’s a non-starter.’

Since hearing from Mike that her worst nightmare was coming true she’d lived in dread of this day. Her stomach had been rioting continuously, barely tolerating even the tastiest food. The belt on her trousers was a notch tighter. Her mind had refused to shut down at night, giving a constant recital of all the reasons why she did not want to work with Fraser.

There’d been little sleep, causing her head to ache continuously. The headache pills she’d swallowed an hour ago hadn’t worked, as they hadn’t for the past eight days. And now her hands had started this crazy shaking that made her writing look like a two-year-old’s.

How challenging could working with Fraser be? How difficult was it to run a marathon over mountains with no preparation? Her hands shook harder. Mike had put them on the same four-day roster, and no amount of pleading had changed that. She’d even baked Mike’s favourite coffee and walnut cake, but had got zip, nada, nothing. At least she’d be working days while Fraser did the nights, and vice versa. Hopefully they’d only see each other at shift changeover. Still, far too often.

Toughen up. Use the opportunity to finally ask him why he left. Why he couldn’t face marrying you. Why he didn’t have the gumption to face up to you that day and tell you straight. Then you can tell him exactly how much you hurt at the time and that you’re now totally over him.

‘I am?’ Of course she was. ‘I’m older and wiser. I’ve learned not to trust as easily—which has to be a good thing, right?’ Whatever. But she did have her future all mapped out, which went to show how far she’d moved on from Fraser.

A lonely future without a husband or children of your own.

‘There’s a wee niece or nephew due in six months’ time. How cool’s that?’

Not the same as your own. True. One day she’d love to have a baby, to feel it grow inside her, to push it out into the world and then smother it in love.

‘Talking to yourself again?’ Mike asked from the internal garage door.

‘Only way to get a sensible answer,’ she quipped automatically, while bending down to check the tread on the rear tyres. She didn’t want Mike to see the pain and worry that must surely be swimming in her eyes.

‘You’re early. There’s fifteen minutes until you clock on at seven.’

‘I was up and ready so decided I might as well come in.’ She’d figured it would be better to already be working when Fraser arrived. That way she could acknowledge his presence and then immediately carry on with the job. She straightened up slowly, made a show of ticking another box.

‘Like you do that often.’ When she glanced across the garage, Mike’s calm, knowing smile beamed at her. ‘Our newest crew member’s also early.’

‘What?’ Fraser was here already? Shouldn’t she have sensed his presence? Breathe in deeply, breathe out. In, out. It was too soon to front up to him. She wasn’t ready. She’d never be ready. The next tick on the checklist skewed sideways. ‘Dang.’ She could do without this ridiculous thumping in her chest and the sudden lump blocking her throat. What did she say to him? It wasn’t as though they could ever become friends again. Could they? No, too much pain sat between them.

‘Nikki, you’ll be fine. Whatever your problem is with Fraser, you’re a very professional AP and I know you won’t let anything come between you and your job.’ Mike’s words soothed her a little. If he believed she could manage then she’d do her best to live up to his expectations.

‘I wish I was as confident as you.’ She’d even mentioned resigning to Mike a couple of days ago but he’d known it for the halfhearted gesture it had been. She loved working as an AP and this was the only full-time ambulance station within a hundred kilometres. Her plans for owning a catering business were for the future, not now when she could help so many people when they were ill or distressed.

Mike stepped closer, the concern in his eyes worrying. ‘Fraser’s in the tearoom. Come and have a coffee, break the ice while everyone’s around. You have to get past this moment, whatever’s causing it.’

Gulp. There was another option. She could run away. So you’re a coward now? Face it, Fraser can’t hurt you any more. That’s done and dusted. And he was the one who did the running away, remember? Pushing her shoulders back, sucking in another deep breath, she plonked the checklist down on the front seat of the ambulance and squeaked, ‘You’re right.’ She owed this man who’d given her a break and taken her on at a time when he’d had many applicants, some far more qualified than her. Tapping his shoulder, she gave a weak smile. ‘Thanks.’

At the tearoom door her shaky resolution backed off. Standing with his back to her, talking to Chloe and Ryan, who were about to take over on Blenheim Two for the day shift, was Fraser. Her first glimpse of him since she’d come home from Dunedin to get ready for their wedding, fully expecting him to follow her three weeks later.

Her heart bumped hard against her ribs as she drank in the sight of him. Fraser’s tall, lean body had morphed into a broader, more muscular version of the body she’d known intimately. On Fraser the very ordinary uniform looked like something out of a style magazine. The black pants hugged his mouth-watering butt in a way that made her fingers itch.

What had seemed difficult had just become darned near impossible. Right now her heart was squeezing tight with raw longing, and her eyes were filling as an alien tenderness overtook her. Transfixed, she drank in the sight of this man who’d dominated her thoughts one way or another for all her adult life.

She swallowed, hard. ‘Hello, Fraser.’

He turned slowly. Nervous? Unwilling to face her? It had never occurred to her over the past few days that he might find this situation as difficult as she was. But maybe he did. After all, he still owed her an explanation, not to mention an apology.

‘Nikki.’ He gulped. ‘You’re looking good.’ His rich, golden-honey voice washed over her, bringing with it a storm of sweet memories.

Memories that until this moment she’d believed she’d deleted from her mind. Fraser murmuring to her as they’d lain tangled in the sheets of their small double bed in the cosy flat they’d shared with two other med students in Dunedin. Fraser egging her on to beat him at strip poker then laughing like crazy when she’d lost.

Stop it. Focus. Concentrate. Remember everything else. The burning humiliation, the pain in her heart so big she thought she’d die.

Nikki stared at him, speech impossible. He looked … different. That full, generous mouth, strong jaw line, the autumn-brown eyes all were tight with wariness instead of the constant laughter she remembered. But that was the least of the changes. His face had deep lines running either side of his mouth. A jolt of shock ripped through her as she looked further. His once straight, thick, chocolate-brown hair was streaked with grey, and curls spun over the tops of his ears, coiled at the edge of his collar.

What had happened? Was that why he’d done a runner? No. She refused to accept that as an excuse for his actions. If anything had gone wrong he’d have told her, and they’d have sorted it—together.

From somewhere a long way away Mike said, ‘Let’s have coffee while it’s quiet. Fraser, you’ll be pleased to know Nikki puts her cooking skills to great use and keeps us supplied with yummy treats.’

Nikki jumped. For a brief moment she’d forgotten where she was. A quick look around the staffroom showed Gavin and Amber watching this meeting with interest, as were the other day crew, who’d just arrived. Amber, her friend and flatmate, should’ve clocked off by now, but had probably hung around to meet the new guy. Questions blazed from her eyes, warning Nikki there’d be an interrogation later.

Fraser spoke into the silence. ‘My stomach’s doing flips already.’

Nikki looked into his eyes, really looked, and locked gazes with him. She saw pain and resignation, determination and wariness, all tumbled together. None of the extreme confidence she’d known before. Again, shock tilted her sideways.

‘So, how are you?’ he asked softly.

Her chin pushed forward. ‘Fine, good, busy.’ Dumbstruck, clueless about how to deal with you.

‘It is really good to see you. You look different somehow.’ Fraser’s tone sounded genuine, as his eyes appraised her slowly.

Too darned slowly. Making her skin heat. Drying her mouth. Huh? What was going on here? Had to be the sleepless nights catching up with her. Why else would she be feeling these odd sensations for a man she no longer trusted enough to make her a coffee?

Fraser moved forward, his arms lifting in her direction. To hug her?

Yikes. No way. Not now, not here. Not ever. Quickly shoving her right hand out, she gripped his, shook it perfunctorily and let go. But not before something she hadn’t felt for five years zinged up her arm. Desire.

Fraser heard Nikki mutter, ‘Dang.’ She spun away, her thick dark blonde plait swinging across her back as she added, ‘I need coffee.’

Fraser grimaced. He could relate to that. Strong, black coffee might just fix what ailed him. Temporarily.

As if the mess he’d created way back when he’d learned he wasn’t invulnerable could ever be fixed. Even with the best reasons in the world there was no denying he’d mucked up big time. Especially with this woman standing within reaching distance and looking as remote as the top of the Himalayas.

He couldn’t prevent himself watching every movement Nikki made as she crossed to the whiteboard where case studies were written up for everyone to read and learn from. Despite the bulky green jacket she wore she seemed leaner than he remembered. Her steps were more deliberate, as though she’d lost the constant spring in her walk. Nikki Page. The girl he’d cherished at school. The woman he’d desperately wanted to marry. The lady he’d walked away from. Walked? Sped from, more like. He’d broken her heart. He’d also broken his own. Completely.

But he’d eventually got over her. Or so he’d thought. He’d truly believed that or he’d never have come to work here, despite how much he needed to become an AP for his father’s sake.

‘How do you take your coffee, Fraser?’ Mike waved a mug at him, thankfully shifting his focus for a second.

‘Black, thanks.’ His gaze instantly returned to Nikki. Hell, a few moments ago he’d nearly hugged her. Why? Trying to prove that seeing her again was easy, that he had no hang-ups from the past? Proving it to Nikki? Or himself? Suddenly he felt unsure of everything—his plans to remain in Blenheim and settle down, his yearning to claw back the friendships he’d known before he’d messed up.

‘I’ve got some cereal here for our breakfast,’ the girl introduced to him as Amber told Nikki. Then waved the box at him. ‘Fraser?’

Nikki’s shoulders rolled. ‘Not hungry at the moment.’

‘Me neither.’ He’d forced some toast down before leaving home twenty minutes ago, nearly gagging as it had stuck in his throat. Tiredness dragged at his body after he’d spent half the night pacing the house, keeping away from his parents’ room in case he woke his light-sleeping mother. He’d asked himself repeatedly if coming to work here was the right thing to do, and had repeatedly come up with the same answer. It wasn’t, and yet it was if he was getting on with his new life.

Amber shook the cereal box. ‘You’ve got to have some food, Nikki. You’ve hardly eaten anything for days now.’

Nikki winced. ‘Okay, just a little to appease you, bossy.’

So Nikki’s appetite had disappeared lately. Since she’d heard he was coming to work at the same station? Strange, but he couldn’t possibly affect her any more, could he? Not after the damage he’d done before. The way he’d treated her had been truly bad, despite his justifiable reasons.

‘I’m bossy?’ Amber chuckled. ‘That’s rich.’

‘That’s what friends are for. Keeping you in line.’ Nikki shrugged eloquently and rubbed out a word on the board, rewrote it spelled correctly. ‘Gavin, your spelling is atrocious. And don’t go blaming your Welsh background. We might speak funny in New Zealand but the words are the same.’

Gavin looked up from the paper and spoke in what sounded like a put-on broad Welsh accent. ‘You’re right, Amber. She’s nothing if not officious.’ His wink showed how unfazed he was by Nikki’s comments. ‘So, Fraser, what brings you back to Blenheim? If you don’t mind me asking, that is?’

‘Family.’ And getting on with the life he’d believed for so long he’d never get the chance to live. A second chance. ‘My dad’s not well so I want to be around to help out with things like keeping the house and section in order, making sure my mother’s coping okay.’

Nikki’s hand stilled on the board. Listening carefully? She asked without turning around, ‘What’s wrong with Ken?’

‘He’s got dementia.’

Nikki gasped, turned to look at him, sympathy in those wide azure eyes. ‘That’s terrible. Hard for your mum too, I imagine. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.’

None of Nikki’s family had had anything to do with his parents since that dreadful day when he’d hurt not just Nikki but two families who’d cared about him. He’d lost a lot of people who’d been important to him that day, but he only had himself to blame.

‘Mum’s managing but I think she’s reaching her limits now that Dad’s getting very argumentative and wanders a bit. That’s why I’ve decided to live at home and not get my own place yet.’

Nikki nodded. ‘I can hear your mum now, checking what time you get home at night, making sure you put your washing out. She’ll be enjoying having you to watch over.’

There was a lot Nikki didn’t know but she’d got that spot on. His mum had been devastated that he hadn’t come home when he’d been diagnosed, but she certainly seemed intent on making up for that now.

Gavin leaned back in his chair. ‘You can’t beat having your family around. They take precedence over everything else.’

There’s no wedding ring on Nikki’s finger. The thought blazed through him. She’s still single. Hang on. No ring meant nothing. She could be in a relationship. Why not? A stunning-looking woman whom everyone adored would attract any red-blooded male. He should feel happy for her, not empty and sad. And maybe a tiny bit hopeful.

‘Are your parents still living in Redwood Street?’ Nikki stared at him. ‘Fraser?’

He shook away those bewildering thoughts. ‘Same old house that I grew up in. It’s looking a bit tired now.’ His mum was struggling with the maintenance. He should’ve come home sooner but no one had told him he was needed. Not until the night last month when he’d phoned his parents to give them the good news that his five-year tests had shown no sign of the cancer returning. The specialist had virtually given him an all-clear and a new lease on life.

His good news had been tempered with the information that his father had dementia and had had it for two years. It hurt that his mother had decided not to mention it while the cancer cloud had hung over him. Another black mark against him.

There’d been no time yesterday to track Nikki down and make contact prior to starting here. Neither had he found out anything about her, so he asked now, ‘Are you living on the farm? Or in town somewhere?’

‘Amber and I share a poky flat not far from here.’

No address, then. But what had he expected? An invitation to dinner? ‘Most of town isn’t far from here.’

Mike coughed. ‘Can I see you two in my office? Now?’

Nikki’s azure eyes blinked. ‘Shouldn’t Gavin be joining you? He’s the one going to work with Fraser.’

Mike answered brusquely, ‘No. Bring your coffee with you.’

At the table Gavin appeared totally absorbed in the newspaper.

What was up? Suddenly Fraser sensed he was about to learn something he definitely would not like. He knew that feeling. It started deep in his belly and writhed outwards, upwards, cold and insidious, taking over his body and then his mind. He’d known it once before and that time the news had been grim. He wanted to call out to Mike, to stop him before any words were uttered, but Mike had disappeared into his office.

At the door Nikki turned back to him, a huge question in her eyes. So she was worried too. He wished he had it in his power to take away that dread blinking back at him. Hell, she was still gut-wrenchingly beautiful. His heart slowed, his throat filled as he headed in the direction of the office they’d been summoned to. She still turned his head, still made him want to hold her and run his hands over her satin skin. Talk about bad timing for remembering those particular sensations. Nikki Page was a no-go zone.

Closing the office door was a mistake. He’d shut the three of them into the small space and there was no getting away from Nikki. He drew a deep, steadying breath. And inhaled her scent. The one that had always reminded him of summer gardens; of roses and freesias and peonies. For a brief moment his head spun, almost taking his feet out from under him. Placing a hand on top of the filing cabinet, he waited for his heart rate to slow to normal. And tried to concentrate on the dull, grey carpet under his black workboots.

Then Mike began to speak and he forgot everything as the dread he’d felt minutes ago became reality.

‘Gavin handed me his notice last night. Patricia has been homesick for a while now so they’re heading back to Wales next month.’ Mike sat on the edge of his desk, his feet stretched between them. ‘Nikki, you’re taking his place as Fraser’s mentor.’

‘C-can’t Gavin do it until he leaves? A month’s a long time.’ Her bottom teeth bit into her top lip and her wide eyes gleamed desperately at her boss. ‘I can take over in September.’

‘No, Fraser deserves continuity while he’s training.’ Mike hesitated, looked from Nikki to him and back to Nikki. ‘Look, you two have obviously got history but if you’re working here then you leave it at the door. Our patients deserve one hundred per cent concentration from all of us, all the time. I can’t have you warring on the job.’

‘That won’t happen,’ Fraser rushed to assure him.

Nikki’s head snapped up and the glare that pierced him told him he shouldn’t be so sure of that. But she did say, ‘As long as we keep everything on a professional basis, it should work.’ A breath escaped between her lips. ‘I guess,’ she added softly, the glare softening as worry and uncertainty took over.

Mike continued to outline what was expected of them both, then handed Fraser a folder, a key and a pager. ‘Your rosters, course notes and timetable, and access codes.’ He then shoved out his hand and clasped Fraser’s. ‘Again, welcome aboard. It’s great to have someone experienced joining us. Isn’t it, Nikki?’

Shaking Mike’s hand, Fraser watched Nikki as she hauled herself off the chair. ‘Yes, a change from training someone right from scratch.’ Her voice was a monotone, as though she’d put a tight rein on herself. Was she barely keeping from yelling at him to go away, get lost?

Ah, Nik, if only you knew how much I regret having done that to you once already. On everyone’s belts pagers beeped simultaneously. Relief poured across Nikki’s face as she snatched at hers. ‘Priority one. We’re on, Fraser.’ And she was gone, charging out the door and into the garage before he’d taken a step.

He followed quickly, equally glad of the interruption while they both assimilated the new situation. But, damn, working in the same truck with Nikki would make everything a hundred times more difficult. They weren’t being given any time to get used to being around one another. No time at all. Straight into the fire. Might be the best way.

CHAPTER TWO

NIKKI raced for the ambulance, leaving Fraser to follow. He might be used to a different station but the drill would be the same. Snapping her seat belt in place, she turned the ignition key as he slid into the passenger seat. ‘Did you unplug the truck?’ she asked, without looking at him.

‘Yes. Having you drive off with the power supply still attached wouldn’t be a good look on my first day.’

‘It’s been done before.’ Mainly by new recruits eager to leap aboard, on their way to a call, and completely forgetting about all the truck’s many batteries being kept topped up while on standby. With so much equipment on board that needed power, the batteries drained very quickly.

Fraser tapped the computer screen, bringing up the details of the callout. ‘Ashleigh Rest Home. Eighty-seven-year-old woman found lying on bedroom floor. Conscious but groggy.’

‘And probably very cold because of this morning’s frost.’ Putting on the lights and siren, she eased the ambulance out of the garage, nodding thanks to the car drivers giving way to them. If she concentrated on the details of the job and the traffic she was weaving the heavy vehicle through she might be able to pretend that wasn’t Fraser sitting on the other side of the truck.

Who was she kidding? It was Fraser. No getting away from that. His size dominated the cab. The tantalising citrus smell of his aftershave teased her senses. He hadn’t used aftershave before, not that she could remember, and she remembered most things about him. He liked scrambled eggs soft and made with cream, his toast underdone, his steak rare, and would refuse point blank to eat lumpy mashed potatoes.

Fraser fumbled around behind her seat. ‘Where’s the PRF kept?’

‘Under your seat.’

He found the patient report form and copied in details from the screen, appearing totally impervious to the situation.

Why couldn’t she act as though he was any other crew member she had to mentor? She tried. ‘Patient’s name?’

‘Mavis Everest.’

‘Don’t know her.’ In a town the size of Blenheim she often attended people she knew, which added a personal, and not always welcome, factor to the situation. ‘Is Mavis in a unit or the hospital wing?’

‘A detached unit, number three. She must be capable of looking out for herself, then. Not bad at that age.’

‘Probably has a caregiver.’ Nikki hated the idea of anyone she loved ending up in a retirement village. A lot of people liked the security and companionship but she couldn’t see her parents there after spending their lives on the farm. Not that they were even close to having to think about that but, still, she already knew she’d look after them if the need arose.

‘Is this a good rest home?’ Fraser asked, peering through the windscreen as the entrance came into view.

‘I’ve never heard any complaints or noticed anything untoward. Why? Looking for somewhere to live?’ Dang, why crack a joke? She was supposed to be keeping aloof and discussing work only.

Fraser’s smile flicked on and off so fast she nearly missed it. ‘No, thinking about my dad.’

‘He’s too young for this place.’ She recalled Ken McCall as being years younger than her father. ‘But I guess dementia doesn’t take note of age.’

‘Isn’t that a fact? He’s decades too young. But soon Mum has to face reality and put him into care. He’s already a handful for her.’ A haunting sadness filtered through Fraser’s voice and into the cab between them.

‘But she loves him. It can’t be easy, making that decision.’

‘No, it can’t,’ he snapped.

Whoa, what had she said wrong?

Then he said in a milder tone, ‘Sorry. I’m still trying to get my head around it all.’

Nikki negotiated the narrow entranceway, her mind focused almost entirely on Fraser. His sadness made her want to do the strangest of things. Made her yearn to put her arms around him and hug him tight; made her wish his worries away.

Stop it. Let Fraser in at all and you ‘re back where he left off with you. It was a long enough haul getting over him the first time. Just remember the black hole of depression you fell into and that’ll keep you well away from him.

With a hitch in her throat she drove into the parking area. How could she even be contemplating touching him or wanting to help him? That’s what partners, husbands and wives, lovers did. Not estranged couples.

Finding unit three, Nikki prepared to back up to the tiny pathway leading to Mavis Everest’s front door, checking as she went how low a nearby tree hung. Wiping off the emergency lights with a branch never went down well back at the station. A car was parked close to where she wanted to put the truck. She sighed. ‘Why couldn’t the staff have asked the car owner to shift?’

‘Want me to direct you?’ Fraser’s hand was on the door-handle.

‘I’ve got it.’ She backed up neatly and stopped. Jumping down, she headed for the back of the truck and pulled the doors open, tugged out the stretcher in readiness for their patient.

When Fraser picked up the defibrillator and the pack containing their equipment, she nodded silently. He knew what he was doing.

A tall, gaunt woman in her late fifties opened the front door. ‘Judy Mathers.’ She sighed exasperatedly. ‘I came around when Mum didn’t answer her phone. We talk every morning at seven while I’m getting ready for work. I found her on the floor and I can’t lift her back into bed.’

They squeezed into the stifling, tiny bedroom full of large furniture. At least their patient hadn’t got hypothermic but how she’d found a space to fall was beyond Nikki. ‘Mrs Everest, I’m Nikki and this is Fraser. How long have you been lying down there?’

‘Been here all night.’ Mavis Everest’s voice was weak but there was a twinkle of mischief in her faded eyes. ‘Long time since I spent the night on the floor alone.’

Unzipping her jacket, Nikki squeezed down beside the prostrate woman and smiled as she reached for Mavis’s wrist. She hated seeing elderly people in this sort of predicament. It seemed so undignified and lonely somehow. ‘Can you remember what happened?’

‘Got up to go to the bathroom and felt a bit dizzy. Must have blacked out because that’s all I remember. Woke up some time about two.’ When Nikki raised an eyebrow, Mavis added, ‘The radio was on. The talkback show and some silly man complaining about his ingrown toenails and how the doctor wouldn’t fix them.’

Mavis was alert and her speech coherent. All good indicators. Amazing, considering how long she’d been lying there. Nikki counted the steady beats under her fingertip as her watch ticked over a minute. Sixty-three. ‘Normal,’ she assured Mavis.

Fraser took Mavis’s other hand. ‘I’m going to check your blood-sugar level so just a wee prick in your finger, Mrs Everest.’

‘Ooh, dear, don’t go to any fuss. Just help me back into bed and I’ll be good as gold.’

From the doorway Judy said in her exasperated tone, ‘Do what they say, Mum, for goodness’ sake. They know best. The sooner they’ve done with you, the sooner I can get off to work.’

Blimey, show some concern for your mother, why don’t you? Nikki kept her face straight with difficulty.

Fraser deftly took a small sample of blood from the elderly woman’s thumb, speaking softly as he did so. ‘We need to find out why you were dizzy, Mavis. Nikki’s checking all your bones in case you did some damage when you fell.’

Nikki ran her hands over their patient’s head, down her neck, feeling for contusions or abnormalities. Down Mavis’s arms, torso and on down her legs. ‘Looking good.’

‘For an old duck,’ Mavis quipped.

‘You’re only as old as you feel.’ Fraser shoved the glucometer back in its bag. ‘Glucose is four point six. No problems on that front.’

But a few minutes later he told Nikki, ‘Blood pressure’s low.’

Nikki nodded. ‘That could explain how she ended up on the floor.’ Looking up at Judy, she asked, ‘Has Mrs Everest got a history of low blood pressure?’

‘Doesn’t look like it.’ The woman held four pill bottles in her hand. ‘Only arthritis drugs here.’

She doesn’t know? ‘Can you pop them in a bag for us? And some overnight clothes.’ Nikki turned back to Mrs Everest. ‘Mavis, have you ever had any problems with your blood pressure before?’

‘Not that I’m aware of.’

‘Okay. The doctor will do some more tests. We’re going to take you to hospital now.’

‘No, love, I don’t want any fuss. My GP can visit when she’s got time later today.’

‘For pity’s sake, Mum, just do as they tell you. If you weren’t so stubborn about going into the partial-care wing of this place, we wouldn’t be here now.’

Nikki felt her blood beginning to simmer but bit down on the retort itching to escape. This had absolutely nothing to do with her. ‘Your GP would probably send you to hospital anyway, Mavis.’

‘My daughter will be happy with that. Save her having to check up on me.’ The yearning in the old lady’s voice saddened Nikki.

‘I’m sure she’ll find time to visit you.’ Or was that unrealistic? Nikki mightn’t know anything about Judy or her own family commitments but she couldn’t understand people who neglected their parents. Look at Fraser. His parents’ woes had brought him home when nothing else had.

Fraser straightened up. ‘I’ll bring the stretcher inside. Mavis, you’re going for the trip of your lifetime. First-class bed in the ambulance.’ He winked down at the little lady in her winceyette nightgown.

‘Do you serve meals as well?’ Mavis rallied, a tired smile lifting her mouth.

‘This is the drinks run. Saline via drip.’

Nikki gave Fraser a reluctant smile. This was the man she used to know. The man who’d always made people laugh with his light-hearted banter. ‘Keep it up. You’re making her feel better. I’ll get the stretcher.’ Laughter was definitely the best medicine. ‘We need to get Mavis into her dressing gown to keep her warm outside. I’ll also brush her hair to spruce her up a bit.’ Warmth and dignity would be equally important to the elderly lady.

‘Thanks, love. Can’t go out looking like something the cat dragged in.’

Fraser picked up the thick robe and began to gently slip a sleeve up Mavis’s arm. ‘You’re going to wow those doctors in ED by the time I’ve finished with you.’

Nikki strode outside for the stretcher and gasped. She’d been smiling. At Fraser, and how he handled Mavis so well. For a very brief moment she’d forgotten the past. Dang.

Thirty minutes later their patient had been delivered into the kind care of the ED nurses and Nikki pulled away from Wairau Hospital’s ambulance bay. ‘You were good with Mavis.’

Fraser picked up the handset. ‘Why do you sound surprised?’

Gulp. Yeah, why did she? ‘I’m not, really. You were always brilliant with patients.’ She’d observed it first hand when he’d been training and she’d dropped by the hospital to see him. Changing the subject away from anything close and personal, she said quickly, ‘Some old folk are so lonely. I wonder how they get that way. Mavis’s daughter doesn’t exactly seem overly caring and loving.’

‘Maybe they’ve had a bust-up in the past. Life doesn’t always pan out how you expect it to.’ Fraser pressed the button and spoke to the call centre in Christchurch where all 111 calls in the South Island were dealt with.

Was she talking about his father? Or their relationship? Her life had certainly gone off course because of Fraser. But his voice had been harsh with knowledge, with deep understanding of things going wrong. Had he faced something terrible since before he’d left her? Or had it been the prospect of getting married that had distressed him so much? Not for the first time she wondered if he’d got cold feet at the thought of being tied to her for ever. Or had he thought her unattractive? Overweight? Not good in bed? Found another woman? All the insecurities she’d learned to deal with now flashed up in her head, but she quickly shoved them away. She was at work, not the place to be thinking about the past.

‘Blenheim One departing Wairau ED, en route to Base.’ His tone was measured, professional as he relayed details to Coms. It was the voice he used to calm distraught patients before he started gently teasing them and making them smile. The times she’d seen him on the wards he’d been completely at ease with patients and their families, making them feel they’d had his undivided attention for as long as they’d needed it.

‘Did you finish your medical degree?’ The words were out before she could stop them.

‘No.’ His fingers whitened as they pushed the handset back onto its hook.

‘Why not? All you ever wanted to be was a doctor. Even when we were kids you’d tell everyone that’s what you were going to be when you grew up.’

‘I changed my mind.’

Stunned, she again spoke without thinking, ‘You changed your mind after four years of study? Why?’

‘I wasn’t ready.’

‘Not ready? For what? You loved medicine. I remember all those endless nights you put in studying and not begrudging a single second. You couldn’t wait to get to university or the hospital every morning to learn more. You loved it all. There was the day you came home shouting with excitement, saying you wanted to be a surgeon, that surgery was amazing. Then months later you decided paediatrics was the greatest, all those little kids needing your care. Then—’

‘Drop it,’ Fraser snapped at her. ‘Just leave it, will you?’ The eyes he turned to her glittered angrily. His fists pounded his thighs. ‘I had a change of heart, Nik. That’s all.’

Perversely her heart swelled. He’d called her Nik, his pet name for her. No one else dared call her Nik. Until Fraser she’d hated it. Had he used it to drive his point home? Or because he still cared a little about her?

Idiot. Even if he does, it means nothing. You’re not interested in getting back with him, only in finding out why he took off in such a flaming hurry without a word of explanation.

Nothing had changed in that respect. He’d made it very clear he had no intention of telling her anything about what he’d been up to in the intervening years. She needed to mind her own business, even with Fraser. But she’d like some closure, even after all this time.

The radio squawked to life. ‘Blenheim One, stand by.’

Snatching up the handset, Fraser acknowledged, ‘Roger, Blenheim One standing by.’ His relief at the diversion throbbed between them.

Nikki pulled the ambulance over to the side of the road to wait until they found out where they were needed next. Her fingers drummed on the steering-wheel as she waited for the details. Her stomach cramped as it squeezed around yet more disappointment about Fraser. The silence between them was heavy with all the things they’d left unsaid.

Had he ever really loved her? Had he got caught up in the excitement of their relationship and popped the question without thinking the ramifications through? Unlike her. She’d always loved Fraser, had always wanted to marry him and have his babies. She shot a quick glance in his direction, saw his face in profile as he glared outside, his chin pushed forward, the corner of his mouth white with tension.

‘Blenheim One, male, nineteen years old, severe abdo pain,’ the dispatcher intoned over the radio, her voice sharp in the frosty air of the cab.

Thank goodness. With a patient to deal with they could forget everything else for a while. Forget? Or postpone?

‘Roger, Coms.’ Fraser tapped the screen to bring up the patient details.

Nikki noted the address and made a U-turn, making a mental list of the obs she’d do for a patient with abdominal pain.

Fraser appeared fascinated with the passing houses. Then he surprised her further. ‘I’m not the only one to change careers. You always talked of being a chef, and had a goal to work in a top-class restaurant. What happened to that, Nikki?’

He’d turned the tables on her. She turned them back. ‘I never went back to Dunedin after you dumped me. I quit my job and stayed at home on the farm.’ She’d never have survived returning to the city where they’d lived. ‘You must’ve noticed that much.’

His mouth tightened. Regretting asking about her past now? ‘Who do you think packed up all your gear from our flat and sent it up to your parents’ farm?’

She deflated like a balloon suddenly let go. ‘I never knew it was you. I just thought it would’ve been one of our friends.’ So it had been Fraser who’d put into one of the boxes her favourite photo of them together at St Kilda beach. It now lay at the back of the wardrobe in her old room at the farm. ‘Did you leave university then? Or later?’

He ducked that one. ‘What made you choose the ambulance service?’

She sighed. ‘Dad had an accident, rolled the tractor at the back of the farm. Luckily he was thrown clear but still copped a broken femur and a punctured lung.’ Nikki paused, reliving the scene she’d come across when her dad hadn’t come in for lunch on time. ‘At first I thought he was dying, he looked so still and pale. I freaked.’ She’d wished Fraser had been there because he’d have known what to do.

Fraser had turned to look at her. ‘A frightening situation.’

‘Terrifying. The ambulance crew were fantastic and I began to see something else I might consider doing for a job. I volunteered the next week and gave them every hour I had free.’ It had also made her feel closer to him—for a while.

‘But you always hated the sight of blood.’ Fraser shook his head.

‘I got over that really fast.’

‘But you gave up your passion. I remember those fantastic meals you created. There was never a time when there wasn’t something tasty in our fridge. Our friends used to draw straws to see who came to dinner in our cramped flat because you loved giving them gastronomically divine treats …’ His voice trailed off. ‘Oh.’

‘Exactly.’ There hadn’t been a lot of fun in cooking after they’d broken up. Cooking was her way of expressing love and friendship, and for a long while she had struggled with the whole concept. She’d got a job as junior chef at one of Blenheim’s vineyard restaurants but it had been a drag, a way of earning an income, not a lot of fun. Because her passion for food had disappeared.

Moments later Fraser said, ‘Here’s our stop. That narrow driveway by the hedge. You’ll have to park on the roadside.’ He stood and pushed through to the back, no doubt to get the pack. His hip brushed her shoulder lightly.

She braked sharply. Sucked air through her teeth. It was only a hip. An unintentional touch.

‘Hey,’ Fraser called out.

‘Sorry,’ she muttered, and eased the heavy vehicle alongside the pavement. She was toast if she went hyper every time Fraser inadvertently bumped against her, because it was going to happen often working together with a patient in the crowded confines of the ambulance. She shoved her door wide, dropped to the ground with a thud, jarring her teeth. Not even halfway through day one of his training and she was going stark raving bonkers with emotions all over the place.

A girl aged in her late teens let them into the untidy house. ‘Col’s in a lot of pain. He can’t move at all.’

Nikki followed her through to the lounge, trying not to breathe deeply as the rancid stench of body odour swamped her nostrils. Looking for a clean spot to put down the pack, she asked the young man sprawled across the couch, ‘Col Hargreaves? I’m Nikki. I hear you’ve got a pain in your stomach.’ She had to shout over the din from the enormous television.

‘It’s agony,’ the man groaned.

‘Can you show me exactly where it’s hurting?’ Nikki crouched down beside the couch and, picking up the remote, lowered the noise level.

Tugging his sweatshirt up, Col stabbed the right side of his belly with his forefinger. ‘Here.’ Another poke on the left side. ‘And here.’

‘How long has this been going on?’

‘Since last night.’ Col moved sideways and foul language followed.

Wrapping the pressure cuff around his upper arm, Nikki kept up the questions, trying to ignore everything else. ‘Have you had something like this before?’

‘Yeah, last week. Your lot took me to hospital but the doctor couldn’t find what was wrong. Are you going to take me there again?’

‘Yes, after we’ve taken some readings.’ She wrote the normal blood pressure results on her glove. ‘What were you doing when the pain started?’ She could hear Fraser pushing the stretcher through the door behind her.

‘Watching TV.’ Her patient gave a loud and drawn-out groan. ‘I get giddy too. Ahh,’ he squealed.

‘Take it easy. On a scale of one to ten how strong is the pain?’

‘Ten.’

Then he should be writhing in agony. ‘Is it hurting anywhere else?’

‘Nah, only in my gut.’

‘Okay, Col. We need to get you up onto the stretcher. Reckon you can do that by yourself?’

‘Lady, I’m in pain here.’

Fraser stepped around the stretcher. ‘Right, bud, we’ll take an arm each to help you up. On the count of three, ready?’ When Col grunted, Fraser continued, ‘One, two three.’ And he hauled the guy upright.

Nikki helped get Col onto the stretcher and covered him with a blanket. She had a shrewd suspicion Col was more than able to walk out to the ambulance if he had a mind to. His symptoms were hard to pin down and he’d groaned before she’d touched his stomach, making her suspicious about what he was up to. But she could be very wrong. They’d make Col’s shift to their vehicle as comfortable as possible.

Fraser pressed the stretcher’s brake off and pushed the stretcher out to the ambulance. ‘We’ll soon have you in ED and the doctors can check you over.’

‘What about my girlfriend? She’s got to come.’

Col’s belligerence was beginning to annoy Nikki but she offered a lift to the girl and indicated the front seat. The trip to the hospital was punctuated with loud groans and intermittent swearing.

After handing Col over to the ED staff, Fraser commented dryly, ‘That guy bounced across from the stretcher to the hospital bed. What happened to the level-ten pain? He’s having everyone on.’

‘Not our problem any more. But maybe he needs someone to take notice of him, for whatever reason.’ She stepped into the back of the ambulance. ‘You drive. I’m going to wipe down the stretcher with antiseptic and see if I can’t get rid of that overpowering stink of sweat.’ It had taken over their vehicle.

What she wouldn’t give for a shower and a clean uniform. She began scrubbing every surface she could. Funny how that particular odour hung around long after the cause had gone.

Nikki’s cellphone rang as Fraser backed into the garage bay back at Base. Flipping it open, she smiled. It was Jay, her big, bad brother, who’d recently joined a rural vet practice close to the farm they’d grown up on. Nearly two years older than her, he was the youngest of her four brothers. He’d also been Fraser’s best friend at one time. Jay had taken it almost as hard as she had when Fraser had gone away. ‘Morning—’

‘Did I just see McCall in the ambulance with you?’ Jay’s deep voice rumbled in her ear.

It had taken all of two hours for the news to get out, quite slow for Blenheim. ‘Yes, the one and only.’

‘What’s he doing here? When did he return?’

The ambulance stopped and Nikki quickly slipped away to head outside the garage. This was one conversation she didn’t want Fraser overhearing. ‘I only found out last week when Mike told us he’d got a job here.’

‘He’s not working as your partner, is he?’

‘Yeah, Jay, he is. It’s not like I had a choice. Believe me, I tried to get out of it but Mike insisted we work together.’

‘Work together? What’s this about? Why would a doctor want to work on the ambulances?’

‘Thanks, Jay. Our job isn’t for the brain dead.’

‘I know that.’ Jay paused then went on, ‘So what’s going on? Is McCall here for a week? Or for ever?’

‘I’m not sure. Definitely more than a week.’ She quickly filled Jay in about Fraser’s father, before telling him, ‘Fraser didn’t finish med school.’

‘No way! He was destined for a great career. No, sis, you’ve got it wrong.’

‘He told me himself.’

‘Did he say why?’

‘You think he would?’

‘I think he should,’ Jay growled. ‘So he’s still hiding things from you. Wait till I see him. It’s time he knew exactly how we all feel about him.’

She surprised herself by saying, ‘Jay, leave him alone for now. Give him a chance. Who knows? He might turn up at the farm one day with a six pack of lager under his arm and apologise to us all for the trouble he caused.’

‘Sis, if you believe that, then you believe in the tooth fairy.’

Fraser plugged the electricity source into the ambulance, wincing as Nikki’s words reached him. He was going to have to move a lot faster than he’d intended. Apologising to the Page family was on his latest to-do list. Only he’d figured it wise to first let them get used to the fact he was back.

But if Jay was on the case he’d be breaking down his mum and dad’s front door by sundown tonight. The Page men were known to be very protective of their sister. Especially Jay, who carried his own demons about the sister who’d drowned years ago.

Fraser drew a deep breath. Gawd, he’d missed Jay. They’d done a lot together—getting into trouble as teens, surviving their first hangovers, learning to drive, racing motorbikes on the Page farm, playing in the school first fifteen and the cricket team. So much of his wonderful life and friendships back then had been tied up with Nikki’s family. All had gone down the gurgler because he hadn’t known how to handle the terrifying situation he’d suddenly found himself thrown into five years ago.

When the garage door rattled downwards Fraser realised Nikki had finished her phone call and was standing beside him. ‘Are you happy with the way those callouts went?’ she asked, one hand on her hip.

‘Absolutely. So far everything works the same way it does in Dunedin.’

‘Good. Do you know when you’ll be starting your courses?’

‘Online workshops start in a couple of weeks and my first week away in Christchurch is next month.’

Nikki was deliberately showing him that their relationship was strictly professional. He’d have gone along with that if she hadn’t discussed him with Jay.

Tonight. Tonight he’d visit Nikki and lay the past to rest. A cold sweat broke out on his brow. All those years and he still wasn’t prepared for her reaction to what he had to tell her. He did not want to see pity in her eyes. He did not want sympathy. He just wanted a clear conscience.

Tonight. After they knocked off for the day. He’d get her address and pay her a visit.

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