Dear Reader

Taupo is one of those places from my childhood that I’ve never forgotten. We went there so my dad could go trout fishing. It was a much smaller town than nowadays; the houses were small, plain holiday homes, the footpaths unpaved, and no one was in a hurry. I have been back often for holidays, staying with my brother and his family, and seen Taupo grow into a busy, vibrant town. Despite the changes it is still the same wonderful place at the edge of a stunning lake and with a backdrop of mountains.

I chose Taupo for Charlie and Marshall’s story as it seemed the perfect setting for a wounded hero trying to find his place in life. It’s the antithesis to his constantly changing army life. It’s where Charlie grew up, where she went to school, learned to sail on the lake, where her mother is buried, where her daughter was born.

Marshall has never lived in the same place for much longer than a year at a time. Charlie has never lived anywhere else than in the house that was her mother’s family home. Does Charlie give this up to follow Marshall’s erratic lifestyle? Or does Marshall take the plunge and learn to stay put in one place long enough to get to know it and the inhabitants well? Follow these two as they nudge their way towards the right solution for them both.

I’d love to hear from you at sue.mackay56@yahoo.com

Or visit my place at www.suemackay.co.nz

Cheers!

Sue

With a background of working in medical laboratories and a love of the romance genre, it is no surprise that SUE MACKAY writes Mills & Boon® Medical Romance™ stories. An avid reader all her life, she wrote her first story at age eight—about a prince, of course. She lives with her own hero in the beautiful Marlborough Sounds, at the top of New Zealand’s South Island, where she indulges her passions for the outdoors, the sea and cycling.

After completing a degree in journalism, working in the advertising industry, then becoming a stay-at-home mum, ROBIN GIANNA had what she calls her mid-life awakening. She decided she wanted to write the romance novels she’d loved since her teens, and embarked on that quest by joining RWA, studying the craft, and obsessively reading and writing.

Robin loves pushing her characters to grow until they’re ready for their happily-ever-afters. When she’s not writing, Robin’s life is filled with a happily messy kitchen, a needy garden, a tolerant husband, three great kids, a drooling bulldog and one grouchy Siamese cat.

To learn more about her work, visit her website, www.RobinGianna.com.

From Duty to Daddy
Sue MacKay

www.millsandboon.co.uk

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Dedication

Hannah, Phil and Austin—you rock. Love you heaps.

Table of Contents

Cover

About The Author

Title Page

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Copyright

CHAPTER ONE

CHARLIE LANG FOLDED her laptop shut and put it aside on the outdoor lounger she sat on, but continued to stare at the blasted thing as though it was to blame for all of her problems. Angst at her continued failure ate deep inside. ‘I’m never going to find him, am I?’

Dad sat back on his haunches at the edge of the over-grown flowerbed he was weeding below where she sat. ‘Aimee’s father? Who knows, love? You’ve got so little to go on.’

Make that next to nothing. ‘How many doctors are there in the US army called Marshall Hunter?’ Her head spun with the frustration of it all, whizzing the ever-present fear into a maelstrom in the pit of her stomach. ‘I must’ve sent hundreds of emails.’

‘I take it the latest one bounced.’

‘Yep.’ Like every one before it. ‘Why did he give me that address if he intended shutting it down?’ Why had Marshall given her an address at all when he’d gone to great lengths to ensure she’d understood there couldn’t be any contact between them after their fling finished?

On that last day, when he’d been heading back to war and she would shortly return to New Zealand, had he felt a sense of losing something special? She’d certainly been gripped by an awareness of impending loss. Had he suddenly found it impossible to walk away without some way of reaching her again? His note with the email address had been slipped into her shirt pocket while she’d been too busy kissing him goodbye and trying desperately not to cry. Trying to ignore the heat flaring through her body that one touch from Marshall had instantly triggered. Had always triggered—right from the get-go.

But he must’ve had another change of heart after he’d left Honolulu because not once had an email of hers got through to him. Fickle? Doubtful. Unsure of himself? Definitely not. Marshall had to be the most self-assured man she’d ever come across. Except when she’d asked about his family. Uncertainty had filtered into his steady green gaze then, only to be hurriedly blinked away and replaced with a cold, distant glare.

She’d understood instantly that to remain onside with him meant talk of his family was banned. Naturally, living with the outcome of that fling, she often wondered what he’d been hiding. Not that that was important right now. Only finding him was.

‘Ever thought that the guy doesn’t want to be found?’ Dad never minced his words when he wanted to make a point.

‘If I’m honest, it’s blatantly obvious that’s exactly what Marshall intended. In this day and age everyone puts their name, photo, even excruciatingly personal details out there in cyberspace so they can be found.’ Everyone except Marshall Hunter. Which kind of told her what she’d been avoiding all along.

He really hadn’t had any intention of ever having anything to do with her again—even in passing. That note had been an aberration she could put down to the emotional goodbye they’d been going through. Each kiss had been their last, only to be followed by another, and another, until Marshall’s friend had hauled him away and into an army truck.

She’d stood, fingers pressing his kisses deep into her swollen lips, trying to keep Marshall’s touch, his scent with her. Swallowing buckets of tears as the truck had disappeared round a corner, taking Marshall away forever.

Dad broke into her memories. ‘Maybe you should drop your search.’ He’d been sceptical right from the start about the man who’d got his daughter pregnant. Fair enough, she supposed. Fathers expected every man coming within reach of their girls to treat them carefully.

But what Dad wouldn’t concede was that Marshall didn’t have a clue she’d had his child, wouldn’t believe that Marshall was a good man at heart. Of course, Dad hadn’t met him.

She knew different. Or so she told herself regularly. ‘No, I refuse to contemplate that.’ Marshall had affected her deeply the very first time she’d laid eyes on him in the ED at the hospital in Honolulu where she had been doing post-grad work. His intense gaze had locked with hers and they’d both stepped closer as he’d teased her about her accent. When he’d smiled at her she’d felt as though she’d found something, someone she’d been unwittingly looking for all her life.

At the end of their shift he’d taken her hand and led her out of the department, out of the hospital and along the road to the beach. Walking barefoot in the warm sand, the waves crashing only metres away, her hand firmly held by Marshall’s much larger and stronger one and her shoulder brushing his arm, she’d thought she’d died and gone to heaven.

And in the warm air, with laughter and chatter spilling out from the restaurants dotting the foreshore, he’d taken her in his arms and kissed her so thoroughly her body had melted. She’d held onto him like he was a lifeline. Her body had wanted his, craved the release she’d known he, and only he, could bring her. Every nerve ending had desired his touch. Every muscle had trembled with anticipation.

Then he’d swung her up into his arms and run up the sand, across the road and into the first hotel they’d come to. She had always wondered what might’ve happened if a room hadn’t been available. There’d been no way they could’ve made it all the way to the tawdry apartment block where the hospital provided rooms for temporary doctors before they gave in to the pulsing heat gripping them.

Their affair had started that night in a burst of passion that had been insatiable. It ended as abruptly two weeks later when Marshall had been sent away to some unknown place with his army troop.

She’d missed him ever since, as though he’d taken a chunk from her heart with him. Damn it. That hadn’t been part of the deal. Neither had coming home pregnant.

‘I wouldn’t be looking for him if not for Aimee.’ Yeah, sure. Her pride would’ve prevented her chasing after him like some lovelorn teenager. Did she love him? She’d enjoyed him and the things they’d got up to in bed. But love him? Unfortunately she had a feeling she did. Otherwise why else did she still dream of him most nights? What other reason was there for daydreaming about him moving here and sharing her home? Maybe marrying her?

Reaching for the laptop, she opened it and waited for her program to reboot. Reality sucked. And hurt. Her love wouldn’t ever be returned, and yet it was vitally important she track him down. For Aimee’s sake, at least. ‘I always knew there was no future for us.’

Dad gave her one of his ‘This is your father talking’ looks that she’d known all her life. It would lead into something she should probably take note of. Except she was an adult now, didn’t need her father’s wisdom. Much.

‘Why don’t you stop trying to find this guy for a while? Save your energy for getting completely well again and then maybe it won’t be essential for Aimee to have her dad here.’ He tried to hide the quiver of fear colouring his voice but she knew him too well.

Staring at her dad, holding onto the surge of her own fear, she ground out, ‘I have to find him. Aimee deserves a father, even if only a remote one.’ Would Marshall be thrilled or furious when he finally learned her news? There was only one way to find out and so far that hadn’t gone too well.

‘You’ve put too much time and effort into this for most of the past year. Let it go for a while. Put it out there and see what comes back.’

‘Dad? Put it out there?’ Despite everything, a giggle spilled across her lips. ‘Where did you get that idea?’

Dad’s cheeks coloured. ‘From your pal, Gemma.’

‘That’s typical of Gemma, but I never thought I’d hear you say it.’ Gemma and Dad? Had she missed something? Gemma often dropped by on the pretext of seeing her and Aimee but what if her older friend’s real interest was Dad? How did that make her feel? No blinding pangs of anger or disappointment struck. Surely that had to tell her something?

‘Charlie,’ Dad called loudly to get her attention back. ‘What I’m saying is there are other things you could be doing with your time rather than getting obsessed about something you’ve got no control over.’

She sat back in the lounger and stared at the laptop screen. Her finger hovered over the pad, ready to open the internet link. Could she stop searching? For a while at least? Take a break from the heart-wrenching negativity that failure to find Marshall regularly dumped on her when she already had enough to deal with?

It wouldn’t be easy when finding Marshall had dominated her thoughts for what seemed like for ever. This campaign had driven her to get up in the mornings when her body ached so badly she wanted to swallow pills and dive back into sleep to avoid the real world.

Doing what Dad had suggested might free her. Enable her to see the situation for what it was. She was a solo mother whose first priority was her daughter. Aimee needed her healthy and focused, not slumbering in self-pity and trying to do the impossible.

She closed down the laptop. Then she looked at her father, really looked, and saw the extra lines on his face, there because of her. Her chest swelled with love. ‘Okay, Dad, here’s the deal. I’ll …’ she emphasised her words by flicking her forefingers in the air ‘… put finding Marshall out there if you start focusing on getting your old life back. I don’t mean working longer hours at the medical centre. I’m talking fishing, hiking in the mountains, meeting your pals for a round of golf.’ Pausing, she watched the longing flick through his eyes so fast he probably thought he’d got away with it. She really had wrecked his life since coming home from Honolulu. Sticking her tongue in her cheek, she added, ‘Did I mention dating? Definitely need to find time for that.’ Should she bring Gemma’s name into it? No, best leave that to Dad to sort out. For now anyway. She could give him a prod later if necessary.

‘Dating?’ he snorted. ‘Me? At my age? You’ve been taking too many painkillers again.’

‘Yeah, Dad, you. At your ripe old age of fifty-nine.’ Thankfully right then a sound came from inside the house. Charlie usually heard her daughter crying almost before Aimee opened her mouth. Motherhood was so connected. As though a fine but strong strand of love ran between them so that deep inside she felt everything Aimee did.

‘There goes my peace and quiet.’ Charlie smiled, completely unfazed by the interruption.

Despite helping other women bring their babies into the world during her medical training, the overpowering strength of her love for one special little individual placed into her arms moments after the birth had been a revelation. And something Marshall had missed out on.

Her father chuckled as he returned to weeding the flowerbed beneath a pohutukawa tree. Obviously not too fazed by the dating suggestion, then. ‘Go on with you. You’ve been waiting for Aimee to wake up for the last hour.’

‘True.’ Driven by a sense of panic, of time running away on her and not knowing how long she’d be around for Aimee, she desperately wanted to grab every minute she could with her little girl. That same panic caused her to pause now. Was she forcing too much on Aimee? Rushing her through life instead of letting her learn to wait? To take each day, each little step slowly?

‘You should let her cry for a bit.’ Dad unwittingly underlined her thoughts. Sitting back on his haunches, he winked to take the edge off his comment. ‘Never hurt you to wait for your mother to come and get you at that age.’

Charlie laughed, and deliberately refrained from standing up, even though she itched to do so. ‘Maybe that’s why I used to hate lying around in bed once I woke up.’

‘Nah, that was because you were too active for your own good.’

‘I got that from you. Aimee’s the same. Guess it’s in the Lang genes.’ A yawn rolled up her throat and over her lips. It had been a long time since she’d been anything like too active. So long she’d forgotten how it felt to have abundant energy, not to need to go to bed till well after midnight.

When she’d finally gone back to work at the Taupo Family Medical Centre after her illness she’d truly believed she was ready for anything and everything, but her days off couldn’t come round soon enough so she could catch up on sleep. Not easy to do around a toddler with the energy of a trailer load of Energiser batteries.

‘Want me to get Aimee?’ Worry tainted Dad’s voice, adding to her sense of inadequacy. Not to mention her guilt for letting him see that yawn.

She tried for a grin, didn’t do too bad a job. ‘I’m making her wait, like you said.’

Dad grinned right back. ‘Look at you. Almost bouncing in the seat with wanting to go pick her up.’

He did way too much for her. It broke her heart, knowing that when he’d decided to take early retirement so he could start having some fun she’d messed up his plans. Not that she’d asked him to cancel the big trip to Europe he’d looked forward to for years. But being the awesome father he was there’d been no question of what he’d do when they’d learned her dreadful news. He had stepped up for her all her life. More especially after Mum had died. And now he did the same for Aimee.

Would she be half the parent he was? Some days that worried her sick. On the really bleak ones it frightened her to think she mightn’t get the chance to find out.

Aimee had evoked something primal within her. Like flicking a switch, bang, the love had turned on. Never to be turned off. A deep, unconditional love that had fine-tuned Charlie’s protective instincts, while also bringing so much joy to her life. She couldn’t wait for the years ahead to unfold. Already she watched with avarice as Aimee learned to feed herself, to stagger up onto her own feet and totter around the house, to give sticky hugs with those little arms—it all gave her so much pleasure. There’d be plenty more great things to come. She just knew it.

Wearing her Pollyanna hat? Definitely, though she wasn’t so naive as to think her daughter was going to be perfect. Actually, perfection was a fault in itself. Not so long ago she’d believed her life couldn’t get any better and look how that had blown up in her face. She was still recovering, might never return to the peaceful state of mind she’d innocently thought was hers for ever.

She shivered, rubbed her arms. Forced a smile. Pollyanna had quickly disappeared. The black worry that lurked at the edge of her mind expelled her happy moments all too quickly. Would that change one day? One day soon?

‘Charlie?’ Concern laced her dad’s voice. ‘You okay?’ With a lightness she didn’t feel she replied, ‘Sure am.’

Another cry from down the hall. This time Charlie didn’t hesitate. Jumping up, she headed for the door. ‘Yippee. Get up time. I want that first sleep-scented snuggle from Aimee.’

‘Okay.’ Dad conceded quickly enough. ‘Now that my grandgirl’s awake, I’ll get the hedge trimmer out and tidy up out the back.’

Charlie paused, turned back. ‘Dad, why don’t you go play a round of golf instead? The hedge can wait another few days. Take a break from the chores and enjoy yourself.’ Those lines around his mouth hadn’t been there a year ago. They were all due to her. Guilt spread through her like wildfire. ‘I’m so sorry.’

His face softened as he crossed to stomp up the steps to the deck, where he hugged her. His tone was gruff. ‘Cut that out, Charlotte Lang. There’s no point beating yourself up for something you had no say over.’

Sniffing in the dad scent she’d known her whole life, she blinked back tears and dredged up a smile. ‘Have I told you that you’re the best father ever?’ The familiar line fell easily between them.

‘Never.’ That too was the usual response. ‘Tomorrow, if the weather stays fine, I’ll take the boat out on the lake with Billy to do a spot of fishing. How’s that?’

That was progress. ‘Great. I’ll order up a perfect January day just for you. And I’ll get the barbecue ready.’ Of course the trout weren’t so easy to catch in midsummer but the men would have fun trying. At least trolling meant a bigger chance of success than river fishing. And she’d get in steak as a back-up.

Yeah, she had a plan. Plans were good, kept her on track through the rough patches. Then it dawned on her to look around, see the day for what it was. The sun shone bright and hot in the clear blue sky, making everything appear brand new and the flowers on the pohutukawa sharp red. And her tiredness wasn’t dominating her quite so much. In fact, she felt the best she had in a long time.

She surprised herself with, ‘I’m going to start getting fit. Take my bike out of the shed and pump up the tyres.’ She grinned, feeling the most relaxed she had for a long time. ‘That will probably take all my energy and I’ll have to have a nap afterwards, but it’s a start.’

Until the advent of Aimee she’d loved nothing better than to fall out of bed and hit the road on her cycle before going into work. And on her days off most of her spare time had been spent sailing her Paper Tiger across Lake Taupo, catching the erratic winds.

‘Don’t overdo it,’ said the doctor in her dad as he stepped away, averting his face in a vain attempt to hide his worry.

‘As if.’ Nowadays she took naps and spent her free time playing with dolls and building things out of plastic blocks with Aimee.

How drastically her life had changed since she’d returned home pregnant. She rubbed her tummy. Felt the surgical scar on her lower abdomen. Tried to ignore the flare of anguish. At least she’d had a child before her hysterectomy. She’d loved being pregnant and watching all the changes that had happened to her body. The months had flown past and then Aimee had arrived and she was in love.

Unfortunately, someone else had missed out on all that. Aimee’s father. Marshall Hunter, US Army medic.

If only he’d been able to share in the excitement, to be around to put his hand against her expanding belly and feel his daughter kick. Even if she found him tomorrow, he’d never get any of that back. Aimee was eighteen months old and nothing like the tiny scrap of arms and legs placed against her breast moments after the birth.

How stupid of she and Marshall to agree to going their separate ways at the end of their fling. Despite her heart breaking, she’d gone along with him. He’d assured her he was single, that they weren’t hurting anyone else, but he didn’t do long-term relationships. Rightly or wrongly, she’d believed him. He’d come across as genuine. But no one had told her she’d have a child from that liaison. There’d been no thunderclaps to warn her she’d need Marshall Hunter back in her life nine months later.

Had Marshall flown to the moon? Even if he had, he’d still be contactable. Wouldn’t he?

Well, she could be stubborn if it was important. And finding her daughter’s father ranked at the top of the scale. But as of today she wasn’t going to let the continual failure to achieve her goal get her down. She’d done with all that. It was time to start living full on, not half pie.

A louder shriek from down the hall told her Aimee was fed up with waiting. She wanted out of her cot—now. Being a determined little lady—wonder where that had come from?—she would quite likely attempt climbing out of her cot soon. Charlie moved fast. A broken head would only add to the worries this little household already faced.

‘Hey, beautiful, how’s my girl? Have a good sleep?’ Reaching for Aimee, Charlie’s heart squeezed at the sight of the little creases made by the pillow on the side of her baby’s face, and at the red cheeks and sleep-filled green eyes staring out at her over the edge of the cot. So like Aimee’s father’s eyes. Piercing green, reminding her of a polished emerald.

Aimee’s father. MIA. She shuddered. Wrong term. She might be doing everything in her power to find him, but MIA? That was definitely tempting fate. Especially if he was back in another war zone with his unit. She touched the side of the cot with her fingers for luck, definitely needing to push away that cloud of dread.

‘Mum-mum,’ Aimee instantly gurgled, and raised her arms high. ‘Mum-mum.’

Thoughts of Marshall kept trekking through Charlie’s head as she lifted her daughter up. She couldn’t really imagine anything happening to him. ‘Your dad is so virile, so much larger than life, strong and full on. He looks the world in the eye, as though daring it to throw the worst at him.’ He always acted as though nothing could touch him.

Stupid Charlie. Trying to get the man hurt now?

‘Mum-mum.’

‘Time you learnt a new word. How about Grandpa?’

How about Daddy? If only there was a need for that.

Aimee wriggled and tightened her arms around Charlie’s neck, almost choking her.

Carefully unravelling them, Charlie grinned. ‘You’ve got a very wet bottom, my girl.’ She kissed Aimee’s brow and headed for the bathroom.

Blowing kisses on Aimee’s tummy took up a few minutes. Giggles rent the air and made Charlie grin more widely. ‘You’re worth it all, my girl. I’d go through everything again if I had to.’

Careful, you might have to yet. No guarantees out there.

The dark thought lifted goose-bumps on her skin. It was this fear that kept her acting on the side of caution, kept her refusing to relax and accept she was over the worst so that she could get on with life, and that drove her to keep trying to find Marshall despite the unlikelihood of ever succeeding in that quest.

‘Mum, up.’ Aimee’s well-aimed foot banged against her jaw, making her jerk back, and refocused her on where her mind should be. On her daughter.

‘Hey, mischief, watch who you’re kicking.’ Yep, definitely an active kid.

Her baby girl, whom she’d do absolutely anything for. Along with Marshall’s green gaze Aimee had inherited a whole dose of stubbornness from him. Otherwise she was her mum with the dark blonde hair, button nose and freckles dotting her cheeks.

‘One day, my girl, we’re going to find your dad. Won’t he be surprised?’ Surprise might not cut it. There was a myriad of other emotions Marshall would no doubt feel when he learned he was father to this gorgeous bundle of joy. Hopefully love would eventually come out on top.

But first she’d get her strength back. She sighed.

Nothing was easy these days. Hadn’t been since the day the lab results had come back with all the medical jargon screaming out at her: cervical cancer.

Charlie’s world had instantly imploded. The future, in particular Aimee’s future, had become a priority in case the worst happened and Aimee lost her mum. Fear had driven Charlie throughout her surgery and treatment, had got her back on her feet. Losing her mother to cancer at seven had been dreadful, but she’d had her dad to love and cherish her. If Aimee lost her to this terrible disease then she’d need Marshall in her life.

He was out there. He’d held her in his arms, made love to her a lot, kissed her senseless. He hadn’t been an apparition.

Oh, no. Not at all. Her fingertips traced her lips. Her insides melted as her skin remembered his large hands caressing, teasing, loving her body.

Aimee needed to know both her parents. And … Charlie’s fingers brushed the bathroom cabinet … if the worst came to the worst, Marshall had to be there for Aimee if she couldn’t be.

If only she could find him.

She had to. No argument.

CHAPTER TWO

CAPTAIN MARSHALL HUNTER turned onto Spa Road and slowed, checking which side of the road he was driving on. ‘Goddamned Kiwis. Why can’t they use the right-hand side like everyone else?’

Someone tooted at him and he pulled to the kerb. ‘Yeah, yeah, give me a break. I’m a tourist.’ A tired smile stretched across his mouth. The trouble with being overtired was that everything got that much more complicated. Twisting the cap off the bottle of soda he’d purchased at the petrol station a little way back, he poured half the contents down his parched throat. At least that tasted the same as back home. Jet lag, and lack of sleep for the past six months, played havoc with his body. And his mind.

The military plane out of Kansas that he’d hitched a ride on had touched down at Whenuapai Air Force Base at the ungodly hour of five that morning.

Which only went to show how crazy he’d been. Why had he hopped a plane going in the opposite direction from Florida, where he’d intended spending some of his leave checking up on his buddy’s family? A sudden aberration of the brain? Had to be. No other explanation for finding himself in this place called Taupo. On the long-haul flight, squashed amongst gear and guys, he’d tried not to dwell on his uncharacteristically impulsive action. Like that had been possible.

What had happened to Mr Cool, the guy who planned every move of his life? He didn’t do random. Random got you shot in a war zone. Got you in all sorts of trouble anywhere. Besides, he was an officer in the army where lateral thinking didn’t go down too well with the top brass.

Marshall grimaced. All control gone in a haze of yearning for something intangible, for someone who regularly flitted through his mind. So close yet so far away. Charlie Lang. Woman wonderful.

She’d been responsible for the fog in his head and the gnawing sense of finally reaching a destination he’d been aiming for ever since he’d waved her goodbye back in Honolulu more than two years back.

Closing his eyes, he leaned back against the headrest. Charlie. ‘Because of you I’ve come all this way with no idea if I’m even welcome.’ Of course he’d be welcome. Charlie would be thrilled to see him. Why wouldn’t she? They’d got on well.

‘You spent all your time together in bed.’

So? That had worked out just fine. Could be that they might do some more bed gymnastics while he was here. Unless she’d got hitched to some dude in the intervening years. Air caught in his lungs. She wouldn’t have. Would she? Why not? Charlie was one very sexy lady who any man would be happy to get up close and personal with.

Okay. Don’t go there. Presume until told otherwise that Charlotte was still single and willing. They had been very compatible. He’d never known sex like it. She’d pressed every button he had and some. One look at her across the ED and he’d been a goner, falling into those deep blue pools blinking out at him from under a thick blonde fringe.

His belly rumbled with hunger. Snatching up the BLT sandwich he’d picked up at the same time as the soda, he bit into it. Chewing thoughtfully, he hoped it was hunger and not nerves making his gut carry on like a washing machine. Like he ever did nervous. Not even on a recce when he knew armed insurgents were waiting to take a crack at him.

The sandwich went down a treat, making him feel almost human again. Ready to do battle. If it came to that. As if it would. Charlie would be happy to see him. But he’d been on edge for so long he couldn’t quite get a grip on things. He’d come off that flight feeling like rubbish, knowing he should hop on the next plane out of the country, no matter where it went. But he hadn’t. Instead, he’d gone looking for a way to get to Taupo.

A New Zealand officer at Whenuapai had organised a room on the base so he could scrub up, shave two days’ growth off his face, change into civvies and have a decent meal. Then that same guy had driven him to the nearest car rental place.

Marshall knew he should’ve stopped overnight and caught some proper shut-eye. Instead, he’d been driving on foreign roads through a sprawling city, then through amazing countryside to reach this small town nestled on the edge of the country’s largest lake. He might’ve been more prepared to cope with what he’d travelled so far for if he’d waited until tomorrow.

He snorted. ‘For sure. If you’re not ready to see Charlie by now, know what you want to say to her, you’re never going to be.’ How else was he ever going to sleep properly again? ‘But what am I going to say to her? Hey, buddy.’ He looked up at the sky. ‘Rod, you own this idea so help me out here.’

Sweat beaded on his forehead as his heart thudded against his ribs. Charlie was the woman he went to in his head at night after a hideous day on patrol. She was the woman who’d touched him like no other ever had. She’d gotten under his skin and wouldn’t go away, no matter that he’d known he mustn’t have her again. He had obligations that didn’t include her. And yet here he was.

‘It’s not too late to turn around and head back up to Auckland.’ But then he’d never have closure. Would always wonder what he might’ve gained by seeing Charlie one more time. This time he’d say goodbye properly so as his heart understood exactly where it stood. No notes slipped into her pocket.

Back in Honolulu he’d done the right thing by deliberately telling Charlie nothing about himself, not even which state he’d grown up in. He’d been strong, tough, thinking he was doing her a favour.

Their fling had been short, sweet, exciting and hot, not to mention mind-numbing. At the end of it he’d hopped a plane ride out of Honolulu bound for the base in Kansas to prepare for his next posting to Afghanistan. He’d been so damned confident he could walk away from Charlie Lang without a care in the world, never to think of her again. Right? Wrong.

Glug, glug. The remaining soda coursed down his throat. Coming here had to be right up there with being totally selfish. But he didn’t know any other way to exorcise Charlie from his brain, where she seemed to have branded him—with images of her gut-twisting smile, her light laughter, her very sexy body. Hell, even thinking about that turned him on. The heat south of his belt had nothing to do with his head and all to do with being closer to Charlie than he’d been in a very long time.

So he’d come to get her out of his system? Not to get back in the sack with her?

‘Yeah, well, I’m a little confused right now.’

Not once in those passion-filled weeks had he asked where Charlie was headed after she’d finished her time in Honolulu. So sure had he been that he’d never follow up on her. But she’d told him anyway, making it scarily easy to locate her when he’d given in to the deepening need clawing at him. The world could be a very small place at times.

Now here he was at the bottom of that world, around the corner from Charlie’s house. Soon he’d see her for real and realise his dreams had lied, that those wonderful memories were vapour, not real. That she’d been a very ordinary woman out for a bit of fun. Then he could get on with life the way he needed to live it, following his army career as hard as possible, even if it wasn’t so rewarding any more. Especially as Rod hadn’t made it. Guilt was his constant companion. Duty to his men his creed.

Voices washed over him as kids on bikes wheeled past the open window of his rental. Free as the birds they were. Sometimes he missed being a kid and being able to ride horseback around the ranch with his grandfather.

‘Aren’t you forgetting something?’

Yup. The weeks when Dad had come home on leave from the army and forced his discipline on his son. Harsh, unforgiving, relentless. That was the old man. He’d ruled by his fists. Hard to believe Granddad had spawned his father. Couldn’t get two more dissimilar men.

Flick. His mind returned to the nagging questions that refused to die down. Would Charlie greet him with open arms?

Or would she give him a bollocking for breaking the pact they’d made in Hawaii?

Let’s have fun and leave it at that. No contact afterwards, no regrets.

In the deep of the night when he couldn’t sleep—most nights—he wondered if Charlie’s willingness to go along with his ultimatum had meant there had been someone else in her life back here in New Zealand. Some guy she’d wanted to set up house and raise a family with. Had she been sowing some oats in Honolulu before coming back to marry? Whatever she’d been looking for at the time, he’d been a willing partner.

‘Never going to know what she thinks while sitting here.’

Reaching for the ignition, he hesitated. Whatever it was deep inside his psyche that had brought him this far seemed to have suddenly deserted him.

Finally the engine turned over, purred loudly as though mocking this vacillation. He eased the vehicle back onto the road. His heart rate increased. Excited? Yeah, bring it on. He really wanted to see Charlie, no matter how she reacted. If she sent him packing he’d deal with it.

‘At one hundred metres take the right-hand turn,’ droned the GPS.

‘Yes, sir.’

In Hill Road Marshall slowed, peered at letterboxes as he cruised along, finally finding Charlie’s number. Lifting his foot from the accelerator, he glided the vehicle to the kerb and parked. Not stopping to overthink this any more than he already had, he pushed out of the clammy interior and leaned back against the hood, his arms crossed over his chest. He studied the house where Charlie supposedly lived. An old villa in good nick, surrounded by a recently cut lawn and weed-filled gardens, and with huge unusual trees equally spaced along the side fences.

Female laughter reached him, snuck under his skin, thawing the cold places deep inside. Charlie’s laughter. He’d know it anywhere. It had warmed him, tickled and delighted him. Haunted him. Hungry for his first glimpse of the woman he’d flown halfway round the world to see, he scanned the veranda running across the front of the house. Movement from the side caught his eye.

A toddler, dressed all in pink, running and stumbling, shrieking with joy while waving a plastic bucket, heading straight for—for Charlie. Beautiful Charlie. There at last, right in his line of sight, was Charlie. In the flesh.

The air trickled from his lungs as he sank further down onto the front of the car without shifting his gaze. An exploding landmine couldn’t have made him look away now. Memories of holding her close bombarded him, pummelling him with the sheer joy of her. Warmth crept into his body. Had he done the right thing coming here after all?

Charlie.

She seemed to still in her movements. Hell, had he called her name out loud? Then she said something to the little girl and jerked backwards as she was rewarded with another ear-shattering shriek of delight.

Marshall began breathing again.

And continued watching Charlie, recalling how she’d race back to him after a long day in the ED and leap into his arms, kissing him senseless, before dragging him into bed. Not that he’d been reluctant, far from it. But he had enjoyed being seduced. It had been novel and exciting. She’d teased him blatantly with her body, but had always given what she’d promised. Then there had been the times she’d gone all coy on him and he’d had to woo her into bed.

He ran his hands down his face and re-crossed his arms. Was Charlie thinner now? Nah, probably not. His memory wouldn’t be that accurate. But her hair was very different. What had she done to those stunning long, honey-coloured tresses that he’d spent hours running his fingers through? Gone, replaced with a shorter, curly cut that framed her beautiful face. Different and yet equally attractive.

His heart slowed as he watched the woman of his nights reach down and lift the hyperactive bundle into her arms. Even from here he could see the love for the child all over Charlie’s features.

Her daughter?

Pain slashed at Marshall. He was too late. Too damned late. Charlie was a mother. Which meant there’d be a man somewhere in the picture. She was taken. She hadn’t changed the rules. Instead, she’d got on with life, made a family. That hollowed him out. Made him realise how much he’d been hoping she was free and available. Great. Now he knew, what did he do?

‘You could just say hi.’

Sure. Now that he had admitted he’d been fooling himself all along, it hurt big time. His heart rolled over, cranked up enough energy to pump some much-needed oxygen around his body. Disappointment flared, mixed with the pain and despair, underlining the whole stupidity of coming here on a whim.

Getting reacquainted with Charlie again was not an option.

The reality struck, blinding him. He’d wanted to get to know her properly this time, to learn what made her tick. The doctor side of her, the serious Charlie, the loving, caring woman who enjoyed having a good time. All the Charlies that made up the woman who’d caught his attention when he hadn’t been looking.

Another movement snagged his attention. Someone was walking towards the back of the house from under a big, bushy tree. Tall, thin, and, even from the back view, definitely male. Marshall’s stomach dived. His arms tightened in on each other, holding himself together.

Damn it. He’d thought about worst-case scenarios and taken a punt anyway. But Charlie was now a mother and there was a man in her life. Marshall could no longer deny the obvious.

‘You, Marshall Hunter, have to walk away. Now. Before she sees you and the trouble starts.’ It would be so unfair to knock on her door and say, ‘Hi, remember me?’

No way did he want to hurt her. And he surely would if he stayed now. Truthfully, he’d hoped for another fling, something he could walk away from. So now he’d have to suck it up and walk away sooner than he’d expected. Get on with life and put Charlie out of his head permanently.

But his boots remained stuck to the tarmac, going nowhere. He’d come too far just to walk away without a word.

‘Oh, buddy, did you really think Charlie was sitting around, waiting for the day you might step back into her life?’

An image of her standing outside the hospital, blinking back tears and saying the sun was in her eyes as she’d waved him goodbye, slapped across his brain.

A little bit, he had. Okay, make that a big bit.

He needed to get over it. He’d had an absolutely sensational fling with her. One that he’d willingly walked away from with few qualms. And then she’d emailed. A month after Rod had been killed. Two days after he’d visited Rod’s wife and kids and seen the anguish caused by Rod’s passing. He’d deleted Charlie’s message without reading it, knowing he never wanted to be responsible for causing her the same pain Karen suffered.

As Marshall watched Charlie and the little girl chasing around the lawn he thought of the hurt she’d been saved from by finding another man to share her life with. No doubt that man wouldn’t miss birthdays and Christmas, would be around to fix the car when it broke down or to dig the garden, take her out to dinner. Things no woman would ever get from him. The army regularly sent him off to some hellhole in a bleak part of the world where he had to be strong for his men, not worrying about how he might be letting down the woman in his life.

‘Time to go, buddy. You made a mistake coming here.’ He blinked. Took one last, long look at the woman who’d unconsciously drawn him to Taupo, saw the things his memories hadn’t been particularly clear on. The way she held her compact body as though ready to leap into his arms at any moment, except now it was her child she seemed ready to leap after. The gentle tilt of her head to the right as she concentrated on whatever the little girl was saying.

‘Get the hell out of here,’ he croaked around the blockage in his throat. Dropping back inside the car, he reached trembling fingers to the ignition. Blinked rapidly as the heat inside the car steamed up his eyes. Damn it to hell. He was too darned late.

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