Could a single dad of two...

...be the answer to her dreams?

Trauma doc Livvy Henderson loves her job and friends, and she’s been cancer free for five years. She’s content...until she meets widowed father, handsome surgeon Matt Hunter on a team weekend in Cumbria. Their powerful connection reawakens her fears, desires and longing for a family she’s long since locked away. But Matt finds he’s ready to convince her she belongs in his, whatever the future holds...

CAROLINE ANDERSON is a matriarch, writer, armchair gardener, unofficial tearoom researcher and eater of lovely cakes. Not necessarily in that order! What Caroline loves: her family. Her friends. Reading. Writing contemporary love stories. Hearing from readers. Walks by the sea with coffee/ice cream/cake thrown in! Torrential rain. Sunshine in spring/autumn. What Caroline hates: losing her pets. Fighting with her family. Cold weather. Hot weather. Computers. Clothes shopping. Caroline’s plans: keep smiling and writing!

We hope you’ve enjoyed

A Single Dad to Heal Her Heart

Caroline Anderson’s 100th book

Also by Caroline Anderson

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Yoxburgh Park Hospital miniseries

Risk of a Lifetime

Best Friend to Wife and Mother?

Their Meant-to-Be Baby

The Midwife’s Longed-For Baby

Bound by Their Babies

Their Own Little Miracle

Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk.

A Single Dad to Heal Her Heart

Caroline Anderson

www.millsandboon.co.uk

ISBN: 978-1-474-08985-2

A SINGLE DAD TO HEAL HER HEART

© 2019 Caroline Anderson

Published in Great Britain 2019

by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF

All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.

By payment of the required fees, you are granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right and licence to download and install this e-book on your personal computer, tablet computer, smart phone or other electronic reading device only (each a “Licensed Device”) and to access, display and read the text of this e-book on-screen on your Licensed Device. Except to the extent any of these acts shall be permitted pursuant to any mandatory provision of applicable law but no further, no part of this e-book or its text or images may be reproduced, transmitted, distributed, translated, converted or adapted for use on another file format, communicated to the public, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher.

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Version: 2020-03-02

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For Ali, without whose skill and perseverance with my

knotted muscles none of my recent books would have

ever been written, and whose extraordinary frankness

and generosity in sharing her cancer journey

have made it possible for me to write Livvy’s story.

I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me.

I just wish I could give you your happy ending. xxx

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

About the Author

Booklist

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

Extract

About the Publisher

CHAPTER ONE

‘WOW, LOOK AT that glorious view!’

Stifling her impatience, Livvy glanced back across the scree slope to the valley floor stretched out below them, the late spring grass a splash of vivid green. In the distance Buttermere lay like a gleaming mirror, the bleak slate hills behind it rich purple in the sun.

And between her and the view—admittedly glorious—was Matt, dawdling his way up the winding, rocky path and driving her nuts because it was the last day of their team-building exercise in Cumbria and there was a trophy at stake.

They’d been there since Friday, four teams all in some way connected to the emergency department of Yoxburgh Park Hospital; Sam and Vicky from the ED, Dan and Lucy from Orthopaedics, and Ed and Beth from Paediatrics, which had left her and Matt as the Trauma team.

She’d only started at the hospital a few weeks ago and she’d met him a few times fleetingly when he’d come down to the ED, but ever since they’d arrived at the lodge and sat down together to decide who would be in each team, she and Matt had seemed a natural fit.

‘Are you OK with that?’ she’d asked at the time, and he’d nodded, his grin a little cheeky.

‘Yeah, suits me. You’re small enough that I can pick you up if you dawdle.’

‘I don’t dawdle, and you’d better not!’

‘Don’t worry, Livvy, I think I can just about keep up with you,’ he’d said drily, and he had, seemingly effortlessly. They’d tackled all manner of challenges, and he’d been witty, mischievous, not above cheating and game for anything Sam threw at them.

Until now. Now, with everything to play for, he was stopping to admire the view?

Yes, it was beautiful, and if they had time she’d stop and drink it in, but they didn’t because so far the four teams were neck and neck, so the first to the summit of Haystacks would take the crown. And Matt was trailing.

Deliberately?

‘Are you dawdling on purpose or just studying my backside?’ she asked, hands on hips and her head cocked to one side, and he stopped just below her, a smile playing around that really rather gorgeous mouth that she was itching to kiss.

He took a step closer, curling his hands around her hips and sending shivers of something interesting through her. They were standing eye to eye, and his mouth was so close now...

His smile widened, crows’ feet bracketing those laughing eyes the colour of the slate that surrounded them, and he shook his head slowly from side to side.

‘Cute though it is, and it has been worth watching, I’ll admit, I was actually studying the scenery then.’ The smile faded, replaced by awe. ‘Stop and look around you, Livvy, just for a moment. It’s so beautiful and you’re missing it—and anyway, it’s only supposed to be fun!’

She sighed, knowing he was right, but still impatient. ‘I know, but we can’t let Sam catch us now, we’ll never hear the end of it. We can look on the way back when we’ve won.’

He shook his head again and laughed. ‘You’re so competitive. Just be careful, that edge is unstable. Why don’t you let me go first?’

She laughed at him and took a step backwards out of reach. ‘What, to slow me down? No way. And besides, I’m always careful,’ she threw over her shoulder as she turned, and then she took another step and the ground vanished beneath her feet...

* * *

‘Livvy—!’

He lunged for her, his fingers brushing her flailing arm, but she was gone before he could grab her, her scream slicing the air as she fell. And then the scream stopped abruptly, leaving just a fading echo, and his blood ran cold.

She was below him, lying like a rag doll against a rock, crumpled and motionless, and for a moment he was frozen.

No. Please, God, no...

‘Livvy, I’m coming. Hang on,’ he yelled, and scanned the slope, found a safe route that wouldn’t send more rocks showering down on her and scrambled down, half running, half sliding across the shale. Fast, but not too fast. Not so fast that he’d put himself in danger, too, because that wouldn’t help either of them.

As he got closer he could see her shoulders heaving, as if she was fighting for breath, and then as he got to her side she sucked in a small breath, rolled onto her back and started to pant jerkily, and his legs turned to jelly.

She was breathing. Not well, but she wasn’t dead...

He took her hand and gripped it gently. ‘It’s OK, Livvy, I’m here, I’ve got you. You’re OK now. Just keep breathing, nice and slow. That’s it. Well done.’

Her eyes locked on his, and after a moment her breathing steadied, and he felt his shoulders drop with relief.

‘What—happened? Can’t—breathe...’

‘Just take it steady, you’ll recover soon,’ he said, his voice calm, his heart still pounding and his mind running through all the things that might be damaged. Starting with her head... ‘I think you’ve been winded. Stay there a minute—’

‘Can’t. I need to sit up.’

He gritted his teeth. ‘OK, but don’t do it if you think you’ve got any other injuries.’

‘No. Haven’t,’ she said, and she struggled up into a sitting position and propped herself against the rock that had stopped her fall.

‘Ah—!’

‘OK?’

She nodded, shifting slightly, her breathing slowing, and she closed her eyes briefly.

‘Yeah. That’s better. The path just—went.’

So she remembered that, at least. ‘“I’m always careful”,’ he quoted drily, and she laughed weakly as relief kicked in.

‘Well, nobody’s—perfect,’ she said after a moment, and then her eyes welled and he reached out a hand and brushed the soft blond hair back from her face with fingers that weren’t quite steady, scanning her face for bruises.

‘Are you OK now? You scared me half to death.’

She met his eyes with a wry smile, and for once the sparkle in her eyes wasn’t mischief. ‘That depends on your—definition of OK. I’m alive, I can breathe—just, I can feel everything, I can move, so yeah—I guess I’m OK. Do I hurt? Oh, yeah. These rocks are hard.’

‘I’m sure. Don’t move. Let me check you over.’

‘You just want to get your hands on me,’ she quipped, her breath still catching.

‘Yeah, right,’ he said lightly, trying not to think about that right now because however true it might be, he could see she was in pain. He simply wanted to be sure she didn’t have any life-threatening injuries and then maybe his heart could slow down a bit. ‘Why don’t you let me do my job?’ he added gently, trying to stick to business.

‘Yes, Doctor.’

‘Well, at least you can remember that. How many fingers am I holding up?’

‘Twelve.’

He tried to glare at her but it was too hard so he just laughed, told her to co-operate and carried on, checking her pupils, making her follow his finger, feeling her scalp for any sign of a head injury.

Please don’t have a head injury...

‘My head’s fine. It’s my ribs that hurt.’

So he turned his attention to her body, checking for anything that could be a worry because she’d hit that rock hard and a punctured lung could kill her. He squeezed her ribcage gently.

‘Does that feel OK?’

‘Sort of. It’s tender, but it’s not catching any more when I breathe and I can’t feel any grating when you spring them, so I don’t think I broke any ribs,’ she said, taking it seriously at last. ‘I thought I had an elephant on my chest. I had no idea being winded was so damn scary.’

‘Oh, yeah. I’ve only ever been winded once, when I fell out of a tree. I must have been six or seven, but I remember it very clearly. I thought I was dying.’

She nodded, then looked away again, just as they heard a slither of shale and Sam appeared at their sides.

‘How is she?’ he asked tightly.

‘Lippy and opinionated but apparently OK, as far as I’ve checked. She was winded. At least it shut her up for a moment.’

Sam chuckled, but Matt could see the relief in his eyes. ‘Now there’s a miracle.’

‘Excuse me, I am here, you know,’ she said, shifting into a better position, and Sam looked down at her and grinned.

‘So you are. Good job, too, we don’t need to lose a promising young registrar, we’re pushed enough,’ he said drily, and sat down. ‘Why don’t you shut up and let him finish so we can get on?’ he added, and Matt laughed. As if...

‘Any back pain?’ he asked, but she just gave him a wry look.

‘No more than you’d expect after rolling down a scree slope and slamming into a rock, but at least it stopped me rolling all the way down,’ she said, trying to get to her feet, but he put a hand on her shoulder and held her down.

‘I’m not done—’

She tipped her head back and fixed him with a determined look. ‘Yeah, you are. I’m fine, Matt. I just need to get up because there are rocks sticking into me all over the place and I could do without that. You might need to give me a hand up.’

He held his hand out but let her do the work. She’d stop instinctively as soon as anything felt wrong, but he was horribly conscious that he hadn’t ruled out all manner of injuries that might be lurking silently, but that was fine, he had no intention of taking his eyes off her for the rest of the day.

She winced slightly, but she was on her feet.

‘How’s that feel?’

‘Better now I’m off the rocks. Did you see what happened? Did I step off the edge, or did it crumble?’

He snorted. ‘No, it crumbled. I told you the edge was unstable, but did you listen? Of course not. You were in too much of a hurry. When you weren’t walking backwards, that is.’

‘Only one step—’

‘I’ll give you one step,’ he growled. ‘So, are you OK to go on?’

‘Of course I am. You seriously think I’m going to give up now just because of this?’

‘You might as well. I don’t get beaten,’ Sam said, getting to his feet, and she laughed in his face.

‘We’ll see about that,’ she retorted, stabbing him in the chest with her finger, then she took a step and yelped.

Matt frowned. ‘What?’

‘My ankle.’ She tried again, and winced. ‘Rats. I can’t weight-bear on it. I must have turned it when the path gave way.’

‘Well, that’s just upped my chances,’ Sam said with a grin, and Matt rolled his eyes.

‘You two are a nightmare. Right, let’s get you off here and have a better look at that.’

* * *

Livvy flexed her ankle again and regretted it. She was so mad with herself, and she was hideously aware that it could have been much, much worse. If it had been her head against that rock instead of her chest...

After all she’d been through, that she could have died from a moment’s lack of concentration was ridiculous. She’d meant what she’d said about being careful. She was always careful, meticulous with her lifestyle, fastidious about what she ate, how much she exercised—she woke every morning ready to tackle whatever the day brought, because whatever it brought she had at least been granted the chance to deal with it, and she never stopped being aware of that glorious gift.

And now, after the physical and emotional roller coaster of the last five years, she’d nearly thrown it all away.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

‘OK?’

She nodded, her teeth gritted, because her ankle was definitely not OK and the rest of her body wasn’t far behind. She was going to have some stunning bruises to show for this. What an idiot.

They carried her carefully across the loose rock slope to where the others were waiting, clustering round her and looking concerned as they set her on her feet, and she felt silly and horribly embarrassed.

And annoyed, because she’d been really looking forward to climbing up Haystacks and there was no way she was going up it now, and she couldn’t see how she could get down, either, so one way or another she was going to miss out on the climb and coincidentally cause the others a whole world of aggravation.

Either that or just sit there and let them pick her up on the way back.

Whatever, they’d be worried about her, Matt especially since he’d seen her fall, and she felt awful now for scaring him. Scaring all of them, and putting a dampener on the whole trip.

‘Sorry, guys,’ she said humbly. ‘That was really stupid.’

‘It was an accident. They happen,’ Dan said calmly, but Matt just snorted and turned away. Because he was angry with her? Maybe, and she felt like the sun had gone in.

‘Want me to look at it?’

‘It’s fine, Dan. It’s only a sprain and anyway I’m not taking my boot off.’

‘OK. Just keep your weight off it.’

‘I can’t do anything else,’ she said in disgust, and lowered herself gingerly onto a handy rock.

‘So what now?’ Matt asked, still not looking at her.

She followed the direction of his gaze and traced the rough path that seemed to wind endlessly down until it met the track that led to the car park. Funny, it didn’t look so beautiful now. It just looked a long, long way away.

‘We’ll carry her down,’ Sam said.

‘No, you won’t. You’ve got to finish the challenge!’ she protested, but Sam shrugged.

‘Well, we can’t leave you here, Livvy.’

‘Yes, you can. I’ll be fine. I’m not ruining anyone’s day just because I was an idiot. Please, all of you, go on up and I’ll wait here. I might even work my way down. If I take my time I’ll be fine. I can go down on my bottom.’

‘No,’ Matt chipped in, turning round at last, his expression implacable. ‘I’ll take you back. Our team’s out, anyway.’

‘Are you sure?’ Sam asked him, but she shook her head, really unhappy now.

‘Matt, I can’t let you do that. You were looking forward to it!’

He just smiled, his eyes softening at last. ‘It’ll keep. It’s millions of years old, Livvy. It’s not like it’s going anywhere. I can climb it another time.’

‘But—’

His tone firmed. ‘But nothing. We’re teammates, and we stick together, and it’s what we’re doing. End of.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Are you always this bossy?’

‘Absolutely. Ed, can I borrow the car?’

Ed nodded and delved in his pocket and tossed him the keys. ‘Mind you don’t crash it. Annie’ll kill us both.’

‘I’ll do my best,’ he said mildly. ‘Go on, you guys, go and have your climb and I’ll take Livvy back and come and get you when you’re done. Call me when you hit the track.’

‘Will do—and no more stunts, Henderson, we need you in one piece!’ Sam said as they headed off, leaving her alone with Matt.

* * *

He laughed and shook his head in disbelief.

‘I can’t believe I’m so stupid.’

She looked up at him, her face puzzled. ‘You are?’

‘Yes, me. I’ve spent the last three days trying to work out who you remind me of, and it’s just clicked. You’re Oliver Henderson’s daughter, aren’t you? It’s so blindingly obvious I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You’re the spitting image of him.’

‘Do you know him?’

He perched on a rock in front of her so she didn’t have to tilt her head. ‘Yes, I was his registrar, years ago. He’s a great guy. I’m very fond of him, and your mother. How are they both?’

‘Fine. Doing really well. He’s about to turn sixty, but he doesn’t look it and he’s got no plans to retire and nor has Mum.’

‘I’m not surprised. They’re very dedicated.’

‘They are. Dad just loves surgery, and Mum would be bored to bits without the cut and thrust of ED, so I can’t see them retiring until they’re forced, frankly! So, when were you at the Audley Memorial? I must have been at uni or I’d remember you, unless you’re much older than you look.’

He chuckled. ‘I’m thirty-six now and I was twenty-seven, so that’s—wow, nine years ago.’

‘So I must have been twenty then, which explains it, because I didn’t come home a lot in those days. I had a busy social life at uni, and it was a long way from Bristol to Suffolk.’

‘Yes, it is. Give them my love when you speak to them.’

‘I will. I’ll call them later today.’

‘So, how are we going to do this?’ he asked quietly, getting back to the core business, and she shrugged.

‘I have no idea. I can’t hop all the way down, but I can’t walk on it either, so it looks like the bottom shuffle thing.’

‘Or I can carry you,’ he suggested, knowing she’d argue.

‘How? Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not necessary. And anyway, I weigh too much.’

He laughed at that, because she hardly came up to his chin and, sure, she was strong, but she definitely wasn’t heavy, he knew that because he and Sam had already carried her to the path. He got to his feet.

‘Come on, then, sling your arm round my neck and let’s see how we get on with assisted hopping.’

Slowly, was the answer. He had to stoop, of course, because she was too short to reach his shoulder otherwise, and after a while they had to change sides, but she said it hurt her ribs, which left only one option.

He stopped and went down on one knee.

‘Are you proposing to me?’ she joked, and it was so unexpected he laughed. Ish.

‘Very funny. Get on my back.’

‘I can’t!’

‘Why?’

‘Because I’m not five and I’ll feel like an idiot!’

He straightened up, unable to stifle the laugh. ‘You just fell off the path!’ he said, and she swatted him, half cross, half laughing, and he couldn’t help himself. He gathered her into his arms, hugged her very gently and brushed the hair away from her eyes as he smiled ruefully down at her.

‘I’m sorry. That was mean.’

‘Yes, it was. I feel silly enough without you laughing at me.’

‘Yeah, I know. I’m sorry,’ he said again, and then because he’d been aching to do it for days and because she was just there, her face tipped up to his, her clear blue eyes rueful and apologetic and frustrated, he bent his head and touched his lips to hers.

It was only meant to be fleeting, just a brush of his mouth against hers, but the tension that had been sizzling between them since they’d arrived on Friday morning suddenly escalated, and when her mouth softened under his he felt a surge of something he hadn’t felt for two years, something he’d thought he’d never feel again.

Not lust. It wasn’t lust. That he would have understood. Expected, even, after so long. But this was tenderness, yearning, a deep ache for something more, something meaningful and fulfilling, something he’d lost, and it stopped him in his tracks.

What was he doing?

He pulled away and cleared his throat.

‘Come on, let’s get you down to the bottom and I’ll go and get the car and come back for you. And I will carry you, because frankly it’ll be easier for both of us and if I don’t get you off this mountain safely your father’ll kill me.’

He turned his back on her, knelt down again and told her to get on, and after a moment’s hesitation, when he could almost hear her fighting her instincts, she leant into him, wrapped her arms round his neck and let him hoist her up onto his back.

He wrapped her legs round his waist and straightened up with a little lurch, and she gave a tiny shriek that morphed into a giggle.

‘This is ridiculous,’ she said, and he started to laugh.

Her arms tightened round his throat. ‘Don’t mock me.’

‘I’m not mocking you, I promise,’ he said, stifling the laugh, and she loosened her arms around his neck and rested her head against his with a sigh.

‘I’m so sorry I messed up your day,’ she murmured in his ear, and the drift of her warm breath teased his skin and the feelings he’d thought he’d suppressed roared into life again.

‘Don’t be,’ he said gruffly, trying not to think about his hands locked together under her bottom. Her undoubtedly very, very cute bottom. ‘It was just an accident. So, tell me, why trauma?’ he asked to distract himself. ‘Why not general surgery, like your father?’

‘That’s probably Mum’s influence, and surgery’s still an option, but I’m undecided about it, and trauma’s a nice high-octane job.’

He chuckled. ‘High-octane, sure, but I’m not sure I’d call it nice, especially the surgery. It can get pretty gory.’

‘So why did you choose it?’

‘I don’t know. Probably your father’s influence. I always wanted to be a surgeon, and when I was his registrar we had some interesting trauma cases and it just reeled me in. Yes, it’s gory, but it’s very gratifying when you can offer someone who’s been badly injured a better outcome.’

‘I would have thought you’d have been in London, then. That’s where a lot of the trauma cases are. More scope?’

He felt his heart hitch. ‘Yeah, well, I’ve done London, and frankly in the year and a half I’ve been in Yoxburgh there’s been plenty to keep me busy.’

More than enough, and nothing to do with his job. Not that he was going into details. He didn’t want to let reality intrude on a weekend that had been like a breath of fresh air after the roller coaster of the last two years, but that was all it was, a breath of fresh air, and it was going nowhere, he knew that, because there simply wasn’t room in his life for a relationship, however appealing. And anyway, there was an embargo on personal stuff this weekend, so he changed the subject.

‘Are you OK there? I’m not hurting you?’

‘No. It’s a bit sore, but it’s better than walking. How about you?’

‘I’m fine. We’re nearly there, anyway. Not long now.’

* * *

Frankly, it couldn’t be soon enough because, apart from being racked with guilt, she was swamped with feelings that were so unexpected she didn’t know how to deal with them.

It shouldn’t have surprised her that he’d given up his chance of a climb to get her safely back down, because over the last three days he’d proved himself to be tough and determined and a brilliant team player.

Not that he didn’t know how to have fun. They’d had plenty of that, and she hadn’t laughed so much in ages.

They’d been teasing and flirting for most of the time, too, but she hadn’t expected him to act on it and his gentle kiss just now had brought all sorts of unexpected feelings rushing to the surface. Not to mention his hands locked together under her bottom, propping her up. They must be numb by now, and she had another pang of guilt.

‘Are you sure you’re OK, Matt?’

‘I’m fine,’ he said, and then they hit the track and he unlocked his hands and braced her as she slid down and put her feet on the ground.

He flexed his hands and shoulders and she watched the muscles roll under his damp T-shirt as he turned to her. ‘I won’t be long. Will you be all right?’

She lowered herself to a rock and dragged her eyes off his shoulders. ‘I’ll be fine. There’s no rush. I’ll just sit here and look at the view,’ she told him with a wry smile.

Mostly of him, as he turned away and headed down the track towards the farm at the end where the car was parked.

She studied him, his strong, firm stride, the straight back, his arms hanging loose and relaxed from those broad shoulders. Broad, solid, dependable. And sexy.

Very, very sexy.

Would they see each other again once they were back? She didn’t think so, despite this sizzle between them all weekend, because there was something about him, some reserve in his eyes, and when he’d kissed her he’d pulled away.

Would he have done that if he intended to follow through? Probably not, and she still didn’t feel ready for a relationship anyway after all she’d been through, but if nothing else they were good friends now and she’d known from that first day that she could rely on him.

He had a rock-solid dependability, carefully hidden under a lot of jokes and laughter, and if she had to be in this fix, she couldn’t have asked for a better person to help her out of it.

She just wished she hadn’t made it necessary.

* * *

‘We need to get this boot off.’

He’d propped her up on a sun lounger on the deck outside the lodge, and he was perched on the end by her feet, wondering how to remove it without hurting her.

‘They’re pretty old,’ she offered. ‘I don’t mind if you need to cut it off.’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t think I will. I’ll take the lace out and see how we get on.’

He unthreaded it, peeled back the tongue as far as it would go and slid his fingers carefully inside. ‘How’s that feel?’

‘Not too bad. A bit easier now you’ve undone the lace.’

‘Let’s just see what happens if I try and ease your foot out. Yell if I hurt you.’

She gave a stifled snort. ‘Don’t worry, I will,’ she said drily, and he looked up and met those gorgeous clear blue eyes and saw trust in them. He hoped it wasn’t unfounded.

‘Right, here goes,’ he said, and gently cupping his hand under her ankle to support it, he eased the boot away.

She made a tiny whimper at one point, but nothing more, and then it was off and he lowered her foot carefully onto a pillow. ‘How’s that feel?’

Her breath sighed out. ‘Better. Thank you.’

‘Don’t thank me, I haven’t prodded it yet,’ he said drily, and began to feel his way carefully around the joint, testing the integrity of the ligaments.

‘Ow.’

‘Sorry.’ He prodded a little more, feeling carefully for any displacement, but if there was it was slight. ‘I don’t think it’s fractured, and it doesn’t feel displaced, so I think it’s probably only a slight ligament tear. You need an X-ray, though.’

‘It can wait till we get back, can’t it?’

He nodded. ‘I think so. There’s not much else going on with it, I don’t think, but we’ll get Dan to look at it when he comes back just to be on the safe side. In the meantime I’ll get you some ice and I can strap it, if you like. That should help.’

‘Please. And I could kill a cup of green tea—oh, and a banana, if there’s one left,’ she said, throwing a grin over her shoulder as he headed for the kitchen, and he gave a grunt of laughter.

‘I get the distinct impression you’re milking this,’ he said drily as he walked away, and he put the kettle on, discovered there were no ice cubes, wetted a couple of tea towels and put them in the freezer, and raided the first-aid kit for some physio tape.

* * *

‘Better?’

She nodded. ‘Much.’

It was, hugely better, which wasn’t difficult. Her boot had been pressing on the outside of her ankle, and removing it had made a lot of difference. So had the cold pack and the strapping that, considering he was a trauma surgeon and not a physio or an orthopaedic surgeon, was looking very professional. It still shouldn’t have happened, though, and she sighed.

‘What?’

She shrugged. ‘Just—I’m cross with myself. And sorry, because I really thought we had a good chance of winning until I took my eye off the ball, and now I’ve blown it and ruined your last day.’

He frowned, his eyes serious. ‘It’s hardly ruined. You’re alive, Livvy, and you might not have been. If your head had hit that rock instead of your ribs, it could have been a very different story. I’d take that as a win any day. And it doesn’t matter about my climb, or the challenge.’

‘Yes, it does, and I still feel guilty. If you’d teamed up with someone else you might have won, but now I’ve let you down.’

‘No, you haven’t.’

‘Yes, I have! I’m the weak link in the chain, Matt.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘You’re not weak! There’s nothing weak about you.’

‘I didn’t look where I was going on a narrow rocky path with a crumbling edge. That’s pretty weak from where I’m standing.’

‘You’re sitting. Well, lying, really, technically speaking.’

She was, still propped up on the sun lounger with her ankle wrapped in the thawing tea towel in a plastic bag, a cup of green tea in her hand and a packet of crunchy oat cookies on the table between them because apparently the bananas were finished. Ah, well. She took another cookie and bit into it.

‘You’re a pedant, did you know that?’ she said mildly around the crumbs, and he chuckled, his frown fading.

‘It might have been mentioned. How’s your ankle now?’

‘Cold.’

‘Good. How about your ribs?’

‘Sore. I might move the ice pack.’

‘Here, let me.’

He picked up the makeshift ice pack, turned it over and gestured to her to pull up her T-shirt. She eased it out of the way and he winced.

‘Ow. That’s a good bruise. Let me feel that.’

‘Why, because poking it is going to make it feel so much better?’ she said drily, but he just gave her a look that was getting all too familiar and tugged up her T-shirt a little further. And then he frowned and ran his finger across the top of her abdomen from side to side along her scar. Well, one of them.

‘What happened? Another accident?’

‘Yes, but not my fault, before you say it. I was in a car crash when I was nineteen months old. I had a ruptured spleen and a perforated bowel.’

‘Ouch.’ He turned his attention back to her ribs and prodded them gently and rather too thoroughly. ‘Well, there’s nothing displaced,’ he said, and she rolled her eyes.

‘I could have told you that. I don’t have a fracture, Matt.’

‘How do you know? It’s not possible to be sure.’

She sighed. ‘Because I’m inside my body and you’re not?’

One eyebrow shot up, his eyes locked briefly with hers and then he let his breath out on what could have been a laugh and tugged her T-shirt back down, and she realised what she’d said.

Colour flooded her face and she groaned. ‘Sorry—I didn’t mean that quite the way it came out.’

‘No, I don’t suppose you did.’ He got to his feet and picked up his mug, hefting the ice pack in his hand and avoiding her eyes. ‘This thing’s thawed. I’ll get you another one, then I’ll make some more coffee and sort my stuff out. Do you want another drink?’

She shook her head, half mortally embarrassed at her off-the-cuff remark, and half tantalised by the idea of Matt’s really rather gorgeous body so intimately locked with hers.

‘No, I’m fine.’

She heard the door close behind her and stifled a groan, then dropped her head back against the sun lounger and closed her eyes.

Why had she said that? She’d never be able to look him in the eye again. Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot!

But her body was still caught up in the thought, and she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry...

CHAPTER TWO

SHE DIDN’T MEAN it like that.

Obviously she didn’t mean it like that, but the idea was in his head now, the thought of his body buried deep inside hers flooding his senses and driving him crazy.

He closed the kitchen door, put the tea towel back into the freezer, switched the kettle on again and then dropped his head against the cupboard above and growled with frustration.

What was wrong with him today? First the kiss, now this?

For the first time since Juliet, he wanted a woman. Not just any woman, but Livvy, apparently, and the thought wouldn’t leave him alone.

All he could think about was peeling away her clothes and kissing every inch of her, touching her, stroking her skin, feeling the warmth of her body against his, the hitch in her breath as he touched her more intimately, the heat as he buried himself inside her—and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

Should he be feeling like this? It had been two years—two years and a week, to be exact—but was that long enough? He didn’t think so, but his body didn’t seem to agree with him.

What do I do, Jules? Where do I go from here? I’m not ready for this...

He heard a sound in the living room and opened the door. Livvy was limping across the room, hopping from one piece of furniture to the next and then leaning heavily on it as she hobbled.

‘Where are you going?’

‘I thought I’d go and lie down for a bit, then maybe pack?’

‘Let me give you a hand.’

‘I can manage.’

Stubborn woman.

‘Of course you can, but only until you run out of furniture.’

He reached her side, took her arm and slung it round his neck and wrapped his other arm round her waist, being careful of her ribs.

‘OK?’

She nodded, and as she took a step forward there was a sharp crack and she gasped.

‘Was that your ankle?’

‘Mmm. Ouch.’

They looked down and she flexed it gingerly. ‘Oh. It feels better—like something was hung up.’

‘Try putting some weight on it, but carefully.’

She did, and nodded. ‘Better. It’s still very sore, but that definitely feels better.’

‘OK, well, don’t push your luck and don’t try and weight-bear on it unnecessarily until you’ve had it X-rayed. Let’s get you to your room.’

When they reached the side of the bed he let go carefully and she eased away from him, taking all that wonderful warmth and softness with her. Just as well. Except that instead of sitting down, as he’d expected, she looked up at him, slid her arms round him and hugged him, bringing all that warmth and softness back into intimate contact with his starving, grateful, desperate body.

‘Thank you,’ she murmured.

His arms closed around her without his permission. ‘What for?’ he asked, his voice a little strangled.

‘Just being you. You’ve been great the last few days. It’s been so much fun—well, till I wrecked it.’

‘You didn’t wreck it.’

She tipped her head back and their eyes met. ‘Yes, I did. Stop being nice, Matt. I know I was an idiot.’

He laughed softly and kissed her without thinking.

Just a brief kiss, nothing passionate or romantic, but still the sort of kiss you’d give a lover, a partner. Someone you were intimate with. And he wasn’t intimate with Livvy, and wasn’t going to be. He wasn’t ready yet, and he had other commitments that had to take priority. Would always have to take priority.

So he straightened up, trying to distance himself when all he wanted was to topple her backwards onto the bed and make love to her, but her eyes had widened, and after an endless moment she reached up, pulled his head gently back down to hers and kissed him.

Properly, this time, her lips parting, her tongue tangling with his, reeling him in, sending his senses into freefall.

He wanted her.

Every cell in his body was screaming for it, for her, for the heat, the passion, the closeness. He could feel her body pressed against his, feel his roaring to life, the ache, the longing in both of them as he kissed her back with all the pent-up need of two years of loneliness and putting himself last.

And then abruptly she let him go and sat down on the bed out of reach.

‘Is that your phone?’

Phone?

The ringtone was almost drowned out by his pounding heart, but it dragged him savagely back to reality.

‘Um—yeah. Yeah, it is.’

He pulled it out of his pocket, slightly dazed, took a step back and turned away, clearing his throat and groping for a normal voice.

‘Hi, Sam. Are you done?’

‘Yes—we’ve just reached the track. How’s Livvy?’

Kissing me...

‘She’s fine. I don’t think it’s broken. I’ll come and get you.’ He put the phone back in his pocket and turned back to her without meeting her eyes. ‘That was Sam,’ he said unnecessarily. ‘I’m going to get them. Will you be OK?’

‘Of course I will. You go. I’ll see you later.’

He nodded, his heart pounding, his body screaming for more, his head all over the place.

What was going on with him? How could he want her so badly?

He had no idea, but he didn’t have time to deal with it now, and maybe never. Stifling regret, he picked the keys up and walked out.

They loaded the car after lunch, did a final sweep of the lodge for missed possessions and set off on the six-hour drive back to Suffolk. She was in the front beside Ed to give her room to stretch her foot out, and Matt was behind her with Sam and Beth, with Lucy, Dan and Vicky in the rear.

She sighed quietly, and Ed shot her a searching look.

‘Are you OK?’

She nodded. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Well, apart from feeling guilty for getting the best seat and ruining everyone’s day.’

‘You do a lot of that. Feeling guilty. You don’t need to, at least not around me. It took you and Matt out and distracted Sam enough that Beth and I won, so I’ve got no beef with you,’ he told her with a grin, then his smile gentled. ‘Livvy, why don’t you just close your eyes and rest? You’ve had a tough day.’

She nodded, wishing again that she hadn’t fallen, that she hadn’t kissed Matt again in the bedroom and made things awkward, that she was sitting beside him and taking advantage of the last few hours they had together, instead of being in the front with a damaged ankle and a feeling that she’d overstepped the mark with that kiss.

Would he want to see her again? Maybe, maybe not. If his phone hadn’t rung, what would have happened? Would they have made love? Maybe, and that surprised her because she didn’t do that sort of thing. It hadn’t even been on her radar for the last five years, but she’d never fallen into bed with someone she knew so little and certainly not after only three days of casual flirting, but maybe he didn’t do that sort of thing either, because when Sam had called him, he couldn’t get out fast enough. Had she read him wrong all weekend?

Highly likely, judging from his reaction, although he’d been with her all the way when they’d been kissing—or she thought he had. His body certainly had been, but maybe not his head.

Well, it didn’t matter, the moment was gone, the bullet dodged, and it was just as well because there were things he didn’t know yet—things she’d have to tell him before this went any further. If it was even going to, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

Probably just as well his phone had rung, then.

* * *

What was wrong with him? Why was he reacting like this?

She was right in front of him, so close that the scent of her shampoo, so familiar now, was drifting over him and taunting him just like it had all weekend.

How could he want her like this? He didn’t even know her—and three days under Sam’s embargo of any personal information or discussion of life back home or in the hospital hadn’t helped with that at all. She was still an unknown quantity. And if he knew nothing about her apart from that she was Oliver’s daughter, she also knew nothing about him, about his life, his family, his motivations, his commitments.

He could have told her, could have broken the embargo and spilled his guts, but he hadn’t wanted to. If he was honest, he’d enjoyed the freedom of simply being himself, without all the baggage that went with it, but there was no way he could take it any further than a mild flirtation without her knowing a whole lot more about him. It wouldn’t be fair, it wouldn’t be honest, and there was a world of difference between being frugal with the truth and denying the most important things in his life.

And anyway, he had nothing to offer her, nothing that wouldn’t be an insult.

He rested his head back and closed his eyes, but she moved her head and the scent drifted towards him again and there was no escape.

Halfway back they stopped for a drink and a leg stretch. Ed and Sam swapped places, and yet again she wasn’t next to Matt, who was now right in the back, as far away from her as he could get. Why hadn’t he offered to drive? Was he avoiding her? Maybe, after that excruciatingly embarrassing remark she’d made, not to mention the way she’d kissed him afterwards. She still couldn’t believe she’d done it, it was so unlike her to take the initiative, and she’d probably embarrassed the life out of him. Oh, well, they’d be back soon and she’d see then if she was right or not.

Finally Sam pulled up in front of her house and Matt climbed out, retrieved her rucksack and helped her into her house, then paused on the doorstep looking troubled.

‘Will you be OK on your own?’

So he was avoiding her, or he’d offer to stay with her. Sucking up her disappointment, she straightened her shoulders and plastered a bright smile on her face. ‘Yes, I’m fine. I’ve got friends round the corner if I get stuck.’

‘You’re sure? No headache, no abdominal pain, no spinal issues? Numbness, tingling anywhere?’

She sighed. ‘Matt, I’m fine,’ she said patiently, and he gave a brief nod.

‘OK. Get checked over tomorrow, won’t you—or sooner if...?’

He hesitated a moment, his eyes locked with hers, and for a fraction of a second she thought he was going to kiss her, but then he smiled wistfully and reached out and touched her cheek, brushing it lightly with his knuckles. ‘It’s been a lot of fun. Thank you, Livvy. Take care.’

And with that he turned and walked down the path and got back into the car, and Sam pulled away, leaving her staring after them as they turned the corner and disappeared.

She closed the door with a sigh, hopped into her sitting room, lowered herself carefully onto the sofa and put her foot up.

So that was the end of that, then. So much for hoping something more might come of it. He could have stayed, or offered to come back after Ed had dropped him off, but he hadn’t, and all she could do was accept it. Not that she was looking for a relationship, in any way, but it would have been nice to be asked. Nice to be more than just fun.

Unless he was...?

Oh, idiot. He was married. Hence the guilt in his eyes, the reluctance, the harmless dalliance that didn’t break any vows but just made it a bit more fun.

That word again.

She rested her head back, closed her eyes and swallowed her disappointment. She was tired. Tired, confused and sore. That was all. And it wasn’t as if anything had really happened...

Her phone rang, and she answered it.

‘Hi, Dad. How’s things?’

‘Fine. How are you? How was the weekend?’

Confusing...

‘Great. I’m just back, actually. It was fabulous. Well, until this morning on the way up to Haystacks when I fell off the edge of a path and twisted my ankle.’

‘Ouch! Are you all right? How did you get down?’

Fast, but that wasn’t what he meant and she wasn’t telling them she could have tumbled all the way down to the bottom of the scree slope if it hadn’t been for the rock. ‘Carefully,’ she said with a wry laugh. ‘Two of the guys helped me back to the path, and then Matt carried me down. You know him, he’s one of your old registrars. Matt Hunter? He’s a consultant trauma surgeon at Yoxburgh, and he was my teammate.’

‘Matt? Wow,’ he said softly, something slightly odd in his voice that puzzled her. ‘How is he?’

Even more puzzling. ‘He’s fine. Why?’

‘I just wondered. I haven’t seen him since his wife died.’

She felt a slither of cold run down her spine. ‘His wife died?’ she said, her voice hollow, because she’d just worked out he was married, but he wasn’t, or at least not any more...

‘Yeah. Juliet, and they had two tiny children. She had a brain haemorrhage while we were at a conference, and she didn’t make it. I’m sure I told you about it. It must have been two years ago.’

That was Matt? She felt sick. ‘You did, I remember. Oh, that’s awful. I didn’t know it was him. So he’s got two little children?’

‘Yes, a boy and a girl. They were just babies, really. I suppose Charlie must be nearly three now, and I should think Amber’s about to start school, but it was desperately sad. He’s a really nice guy—friendly, funny, easygoing, but rock solid and utterly reliable. I’m sure he’s a brilliant father.’

Her heart ached for him. ‘I’m sure he is.’ And it explained the thing she hadn’t been able to identify that lurked in the back of his eyes, and the fact that, embargo or not, every night he’d disappeared for a few minutes.

To check the children were OK, and talk to them?

And it also explained why he’d left her this evening rather than come in, and why he’d looked torn about it. Not because he was married, but because he had two little people who would have been missing him.

‘So he seemed OK to you?’ her father was asking.

Had he?

‘Yes, absolutely fine—or I thought so. He didn’t say anything about it, but Sam had banned us from talking about home or work. It was all about having a clean slate and not making pre-judgements about each other, but I would never have guessed all that in a million years.’

‘No, I don’t suppose he’d show it, anyway. He probably wanted to leave it at home. I hear he’s an excellent surgeon. He showed huge promise nine years ago, so I’m not surprised he’s a consultant now. I think he was only about thirty-four or so when Juliet died, but he’d done a spell with the Helicopter Emergency Medical Service, and by the time she died he was a specialist registrar in a major London trauma unit, poised and ready for a serious consultancy. It’s a massive career change for him to move to sleepy Suffolk, but it’s obvious why he’s done it. I know his family are in the area. Give him our best wishes when you see him again, and tell him we often think about him.’

‘I will. So—talking of fathers,’ she said, changing the subject because frankly she needed time to let all that lot settle, ‘how are the plans for your sixtieth coming on?’

He laughed ruefully. ‘I have no idea. Your mother’s sorting that out, but I believe we’re having a marquee at home and a catered buffet and dancing. Jamie’s doing the playlist so goodness knows what the music’ll be like, and Abbie and your mother have chosen the menu but I have no idea what’s on it. To be honest I’m trying not to think about it because I don’t feel that old, so I’m in denial.’

She chuckled softly. ‘Well, if it’s any consolation, Dad, you don’t look it, either, so I’d enjoy your party and go with the flow. So what have you guys been up to over the weekend?’

* * *

He let himself in quietly, and found his mother dozing in the family room. He closed the door softly, and she stirred.

‘Hi, Mum. I’m home.’

Her eyes blinked open and she smiled. ‘Oh, hello, darling. I must have dozed off. Did you have a lovely time?’

He stooped and kissed her cheek and dropped onto the sofa beside her. ‘Great, thanks to you. How’ve they been?’

‘Fine, if a little wearing. Have you been worrying?’

He laughed softly. ‘Not really—not about them, more about being so far away. All the what-ifs. You know...’

‘Yes, of course I know. I knew you would be, but we’ve all been fine. They’ve been as good as gold all weekend. I’ve only just put them to bed but I’m sure they won’t mind if you wake them. I would have kept them up for you but they were shattered. They’ve been really busy. Amber’s drawn you hundreds of pictures, and Charlie’s helped me in the garden, and we’ve been to the beach and made sandcastles with the Shackleton tribe, and we went there on a play date this morning as well, which was nice. They’re lovely people.’

‘They are. And it was a godsend that Annie let Ed take their eight-seater car. Getting around up there wouldn’t have been nearly so easy without it, but poetic justice, he and his teammate won the challenge, which was good.’

‘Not your team?’

He smiled wryly. ‘No. My teammate hurt her ankle, but to be honest just being so far away from the kids was enough of a challenge. It was beautiful there, though, and I’m really glad I went. Anyway, I don’t want to hold you up, I expect you want to get home, don’t you?’

‘Don’t you want me to stay tonight? If I know you, you’ll want to be in early tomorrow.’

He shook his head, nothing further from his mind. ‘No. Tomorrow I want to get the kids up and spend at least a little time with them before I drop them at nursery, so feel free to go, Mum. You must be exhausted. I know I am.’

She smiled gratefully. ‘Oh, well, in that case...’

She kissed him goodnight and left, and he carried his luggage up, peeped round the corner at Charlie lying sprawled flat on his back across his bed, and went into Amber’s room. She was snuggled on her side, but the moment he went in her eyes popped open and she scrambled up, throwing herself into his arms as he sat on the bed.

‘Daddy!’

‘Hello, my precious girl,’ he murmured as she snuggled into him. He buried his face in her tangled hair and inhaled the smell of beach and sunshine and pasta sauce, and smiled.

It was so good to be home...

* * *

Her ankle felt better the next day.

Still sore, and she was definitely hobbling, but whatever that crunch had been it was better rather than worse. She went to work in her trainers because they were the only shoes that fitted comfortably, and the second Sam caught sight of her she was whisked into X-Ray to get it and her ribs checked out.

‘All clear,’ he said, sounding relieved. ‘Right, you can go home now.’

‘No, I can’t. I’m here to work.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously. I’m fine.’

Sam sighed, shrugged and gave in. ‘OK, but sit when you can, take breaks and put it up whenever possible. You need a bit more support on it, I think. Is that strapping adequate?’

‘It’s fine. It’s really good. Matt knows his stuff. It feels OK.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘If you say so. I’m not convinced I believe you, but we’re short-staffed as usual so I’m not going to argue, but you’re in Minors—and the moment it hurts—’

‘Sam, I’ll be fine,’ she assured him, and he shrugged again and left her to it, so she went and picked up the first set of notes and found her patient, all the time wondering if Matt would be called down to the ED and if so, if he’d speak to her.

He wasn’t needed, but he appeared anyway just after one, to her relief, because after the initial rush in Minors it had all settled down to a steady tick-over and she had far too much time to think about him and what her father had told her.

She was standing at the central work station filling in notes when she felt him come up behind her. How did she know it was him? No idea, but she did, and she turned and met his concerned eyes.

‘Hi. I didn’t expect you to be here,’ he murmured. ‘How’s the ankle?’

‘Better, thanks. Your strapping seems to be working. It’s my mind I’ve got problems with. Sam’s put me in Minors,’ she told him, and she could hear the disgust in her voice.

So could he, evidently, because he chuckled softly.

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘I rang him and asked how you were, and he told me you were cross you were out of Resus.’

She laughed at that, because it was sort of true. ‘I’m not really cross, and I know someone has to do Minors, but it’s gone really quiet and now I’m just bored.’

‘Shh, don’t say that, you never say that,’ he said, his eyes twinkling, and he glanced at his phone. ‘Have you had lunch?’

‘No. My fridge was pretty empty, and I don’t fancy chocolate or crisps out of the vending machine.’

‘Well, now might be a good time to make a break for it.’

‘Except I can’t get to the café easily. Walking from the car park was bad enough.’

‘Soon fix that,’ he said, and, glancing over his shoulder, he made a satisfied noise and retrieved an abandoned wheelchair.

She stared at it in horror. ‘You have to be joking.’

‘Not in the slightest. Sit down or I’ll put you in it.’

He would. She knew that perfectly well after yesterday, so with a sigh of resignation she sat in the wheelchair and Jenny, one of the senior nurses, nodded and grinned.

‘Well done, Matt.’

‘Don’t encourage him—and call me if you need me, Jenny. I won’t be long. And I can push myself,’ she said, reaching for the wheels.

‘No, you can’t, it’s not that sort of chair,’ he pointed out, and whisked her down the corridor, out of the side entrance and into the park.

Five minutes later they were sitting on a bench under a tree, armed with cold drinks and sandwiches. He patted his lap. ‘Put your leg up. I want to have a look at your ankle,’ he said, and she sighed.

‘If you insist,’ she said, but the moment her ankle settled over that disturbingly strong thigh she could have kicked herself. She should have put it on the wheelchair, because his hands were on it and it was distracting her, and she didn’t want to be distracted. She wanted to talk to him about what her father had said.

But he was probing it now, gently—or sort of gently, and she was distracted in a different way.

‘Ouch!’

‘Sorry. It feels swollen still. Are you sure you should be working?’

She rolled her eyes and ripped open her sandwich. ‘You’re as bad as Sam. You just want to fuss and cluck over me like a pair of mother hens.’

‘That’s why we’re doctors—an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the health of the nation. It’s nothing personal.’

Tell it to the fairies. His hand was resting on her leg now, his thumb idly stroking over her shin, and she wasn’t even sure he was aware of doing it. She solved the problem by removing her foot from his lap and propping it on the wheelchair like she should have done in the first place, and took a deep breath.

‘I spoke to my father last night and passed on your message,’ she told him tentatively, ‘and he asked me to send you their best wishes and said they think about you often. He spoke very fondly of you.’

‘Oh, bless them. They’ve been amazing to me. I haven’t seen them for ages, not since...’

He trailed off, but he didn’t need to finish the sentence because she knew.

‘He told me,’ she said softly. ‘About your wife. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’

His smile was wry and a little twisted. ‘I think that was rather the point. No preconceptions. No baggage. And a dead wife and two motherless little children is a lot of baggage in anyone’s language.’

She winced at the frank, softly spoken words and looked away. ‘I can imagine. I’m really sorry. I wish I’d known. I wouldn’t have behaved like I did and I certainly wouldn’t have kissed you like that. I didn’t mean to offend you or overstep the mark.’

His hand reached out, his fingers finding hers. ‘I wasn’t in the least bit offended and you didn’t overstep the mark, Livvy. There was no mark, and there was nothing wrong with your behaviour. And anyway, I kissed you first, and I shouldn’t have done that, either. It was the first time I’d left the kids and gone any distance from home since—well, since then, and I just wanted to be me, you know? Not that poor guy whose wife died and left him with two tiny children, but just a man, someone who could be taken at face value.

‘I’m sick of being different, sick of people making concessions and tiptoeing round me and worrying about upsetting me. I nearly told you, but then I realised I didn’t want to because it would change everything, and I didn’t want it to change. I was enjoying myself, having simple, uncomplicated fun with no strings, no expectations, just a man and a woman working together to achieve a series of goals and having fun on the way. And it was fun, Livvy. I wouldn’t have changed any of it. Well, apart from you hurling yourself down the scree slope. That wasn’t great.’

She felt her eyes fill with tears, and blinked them away, because she’d felt the same, the freedom from the burden of people’s sympathy, everyone watching their words so they didn’t upset or offend or reopen the emotional wounds or poke the sleeping tiger. That was why hardly anybody at the Yoxburgh Park Hospital knew her medical history, and why she hadn’t told Matt.

‘I wouldn’t have changed any of it, either. Well, except that bit. You’re right, it was fun, but I guess we’re back now.’

He sighed quietly, then gave a wry huff of laughter. ‘Yes, we’re back. I know that. Amber insisted on sleeping with me last night, and Charlie woke up at four, crying because he’d wet the bed, so he ended up with me as well. Definitely back. And you know what? It feels good to be back, and I really missed them, but I’m very, very glad I went away, too, and I’m glad you were there with me.’

She smiled at him. ‘I’m glad, as well. Still, it’s over now.’ Odd, how that made her feel sad. Why should it? It wasn’t as if anything had really happened. Just a couple of kisses, some shared banter, the odd hug. How could she miss that so much?

‘It doesn’t have to be over,’ he said, after a long pause. ‘I’d still like to see you—not in a serious way, I’m not in the market for anything more than the odd snatched lunch break or a very occasional drink or a quick bite to eat, but it would be great to have that time with you. Not that you’re probably interested in such a trivial offering—’

‘Of course I’m interested,’ she said promptly, surprised that she was. ‘I’m not in the market for anything serious, but I’m happy to spend time with you as and when we can. And I don’t expect anything, Matt. I really don’t.’

He nodded then, his eyes softening into a smile. ‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t thank me. I’m relatively new here, I don’t know many people yet and I have plenty of time on my hands. Spending a little of it with you will be a pleasure. And talking of time, I ought to get back, but I’m glad I’ve seen you so I could pass on my father’s message. He spoke very highly of you, and he said your wife was a lovely person.’

A shadow crossed his eyes again, and he nodded. ‘She was. Thank you. That means a lot. He was a brilliant mentor and a good friend to me, and I owe him so much. Say hi for me when you speak to him.’

‘Say it yourself. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.’

He nodded. ‘Maybe I will. Right, I’d better take you back before I have Sam on the phone asking why I’ve abducted one of their registrars, but give me your number first.’ He keyed it into his phone, and then hers jiggled in her pocket. ‘Get that?’

She nodded and smiled. ‘I’ll send you my father’s email address so you can contact him. And call me when you can, anytime you’ve got a gap in the chaos and you want to meet up.’

His eyes searched hers. ‘It’s going to be very random, Livvy. Are you sure you’re OK with that?’

She nodded, although she wasn’t entirely sure what he was really offering in those random moments. Friendship? Or more? An affair? Although that might take more than the occasional coffee break, even if you were desperate.

And she wasn’t that desperate, she really, really wasn’t.

Was she?

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