“He went right to sleep,” James said, dropping down onto the couch next to Fallon, keeping a proper distance from her, of course.

“I sat with him about five minutes—thought he might ask some questions about why he was going to keep on living with me for a little while, or maybe talk about the Christmas tree. But he just turned over on his side and went to sleep. It was a big day for him. I think we actually wore him out.”

“He’s had a turbulent life so far. As far as the Christmas tree goes, I have an idea he’s learned not to count on anything. If you don’t count on it, you don’t end up being disappointed.” Fallon raised her mug of hot chocolate to her lips, but paused before she took a sip. “It’s not a mistake, is it? Giving him this big Christmas?”

He laughed. “Giving a child a big Christmas? I think it’s the best thing we can do for him. Tyler needs something to look forward to in his life. I don’t think he’s ever really had that.”

“You, too,” she added. “You need something to look forward to.”

“And what about you? What do you need, Fallon?”

Christmas Miracle: A Family

By

Dianne Drake

www.millsandboon.co.uk

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Dear Reader

Welcome to the third book in my Mountain Village Hospital series. I’ve really enjoyed writing this story because I love old steam locomotives, and I’ve featured one in my story. It’s called The Christmas Train. I was fortunate enough to ride this train a couple of years ago. The steam engine was dated 1923, as were the cars. It was an amazing ride. A little bumpy. Quite loud. But so much fun because this was the original train that skirted the rim of the mountains in this area and, except for a bit of maintenance, the train was unchanged since 1923. It even had an old-fashioned black pot-bellied stove in the cars for heat.

So my husband and I, along with my husband’s parents, took this little train trip, and the whole time I kept thinking how I wanted to use this beautiful little train in one of my books. Why? Because my grandmother loved riding trains, and she was riding the rails back in 1923. For just a while I got to experience something my grandmother loved, something she’d done, and it was amazing stepping back in time. For me, it was a wonderful, unexpected Christmas gift.

At this time of the year there are so many fun, exciting things to do. Be good to yourself and, if you’re able, reconnect to something you’ve loved from your past. That would be my fondest wish for you this holiday season.

Wishing you health and happiness

Dianne Drake

PS: I’d love to hear about your experiences of reconnecting to something beloved from your past. Feel free to e-mail me at Dianne@DianneDrake.com

About the Author

Now that her children have left home, DIANNE DRAKE is finally finding the time to do some of the things she adores—gardening, cooking, reading, shopping for antiques. Her absolute passion in life, however, is adopting abandoned and abused animals. Right now Dianne and her husband Joel have a little menagerie of three dogs and two cats, but that’s always subject to change. A former symphony orchestra member, Dianne now attends the symphony as a spectator several times a month and, when time permits, takes in an occasional football, basketball or hockey game.

Recent titles by the same author:

FOUND: A MOTHER FOR HIS SON

DR VELASCOS’ UNEXPECTED BABY

THE WIFE HE’S BEEN WAITING FOR

A BOSS BEYOND COMPARE

Chapter One

FALLON O’GARA glanced at her watch, and the panic in her rose a little more than she’d expected. It was ten after one now, and she was late to meet her good friends and colleagues Gabby Ranard and Dinah Ramsey for lunch. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to open the car door because she was about to take a big step, and it scared her. She’d fretted, paced, worried all night, and now it was time. Time to make a decision about Gabby’s job offer, and finally think about returning to work for the first time since the plane crash. But she couldn’t lay her hand on the doorhandle, let alone open the door and get out.

A loud tapping on the passenger’s side window startled Fallon out of her dilemma. It was Gabby, standing there with Dinah. “I’m coming,” Fallon called without opening her window, without making the slightest motion toward getting out.

“We’ve got the back table reserved,” Gabby yelled. “And you know Catie. She can’t wait to see you. She’s standing at the front door right now, ready to cry.” To prove her point, Gabby stepped back and pointed to the café owner standing with hankie in hand, on the verge of blubbering.

Fallon loved these people! They were the best. But being here at Catie’s Overlook, her favorite restaurant in the world, was suddenly feeling like a mistake. She wanted to go in, wanted to accept that job offer Gabby had made to set up the practical details of White Elk’s new women’s hospital—buy the beds, hire the staff, hire the contractors to make the renovations. It was a kind, generous offer, since she’d told Gabby that she wasn’t ready to go back to nursing at the main White Elk Hospital. But she was afraid to accept Gabby’s offer. Afraid not to. Not sure what to do. Consequently, her hands were shaking, her breath was clutching in her lungs. But surviving an airplane crash…there were always the reminders, and for her one of them was the panic attacks.

Gabby took another step toward the front of the car, and simply smiled at Fallon. “Well, darn,” Fallon muttered to herself. “Having lunch with my best friends should be an easy thing to do. I’ll simply get out, go in, say…” Well, she wasn’t sure what she’d say to Gabby, and Gabby did want an answer. “I’ll eat, chat, go home.” And forty-five minutes later, well into a heaped piece of chocolate cake, she still wasn’t sure what she was going to say to Gabby.

“Well, should I order a celebratory flute of ginger ale?” Gabby finally asked. Gabby wasn’t drinking alcohol as she had a baby on the way. “Assuming your answer to my offer is yes? And if it’s not, could you explain that to little Mary here, because her mommy needs rest at this stage of the pregnancy and if you don’t take this job, little Mary’s mommy is going to be worn out by the time little Mary’s born.”

“Good guilt trip,” Dinah commented, laughing. Gabby patted her belly, smiling. “Just using what I have to, to get my way.” She looked over at Fallon. “Seriously, I really do need you. Not because of my pregnancy but because of your skills. I trust you to do this job and do it well.”

Fallon sighed. Her back was to the wall now; she had to be fair to Gabby. Yes, or no? She wanted a voice from the heavens to cry out the answer, but when none came, she braced herself, trying to force aside the awkward tension attempting to burrow its way out. It was a job made to order. One where she could build up some confidence, still be close to medicine, and work her life out from that point forward. Also, this was something she could do on her own terms. If ever there was an opportunity to step back into her life, the way it used to be, the way she wanted it to be again, this was it. And it was true what they said about the very first step being the hardest.

Looking into the faces of her friends, and over at Catie, the owner of the restaurant, she realized just how not alone she was in this. And it was time. She’d isolated herself for too long now. Months in rehab then hiding out in her cabin. She’d been through so much. But now was the right time to begin again. Suddenly, it all made sense. Surviving came in steps. It didn’t happen the way most people believed, in one great event or whoosh. It trickled in, a little here, a little there. This was one of those trickles. Although a big one. But when she realized that it was what she had to do and, more than that, wanted to do, a sense of calm fell over Fallon, the first real calm she’d felt in months. So, she reached across the table and squeezed Gabby’s hand. “Order the ginger ale. I’m ready to celebrate. And promise me you’ll tell little Mary that I’ll be making sure her mommy will get all the rest she needs for the rest of her pregnancy.”

“Really? You’re going to take the job?”

Fallon nodded, wondering if what she was feeling now was the calm before the storm. “I’ll try, Gabby. That’s the best I can give you right now. But I’m going to take it a day at a time, because that’s about the only way I can handle my life. So, if that’s agreeable to you and little Mary, I’ll start work as soon as you want me to.”

Gabby winked at Dinah. “Told you so.”

“You were betting on me?” Fallon asked.

“Just the chocolate cake,” Gabby said, “and it’s Dinah’s treat. She was pretty sure you’d eventually say yes, but she thought it would take more persuasion.”

Fallon laughed. “In that case, I’m going to order another piece to take home with me.”

It felt good being there with friends, being involved in something again. She glanced out the window to the Three Sisters. She’d avoided looking at them since she’d been home, didn’t want to be reminded that her plane had crashed on the Middle Sister. Popular Indian lore said these three mountain peaks loomed over the valley, protecting everybody in their shadow. People here truly believed that. To be honest, she’d believed it too, until the accident. Now, to her, the Three Sisters were simply mountains. Yet in the brief glance she allowed herself she was surprised she wasn’t panicking. So maybe going back to work was a good thing. Maybe the calm she was feeling was real. She wanted it to be.

“Bet or no bet, I’m glad you’re doing this,” Dinah said, putting her fork down halfway though her cake. “Eric and Neil are going to be thrilled.” Eric Ramsey was Dinah’s husband and Neil Ranard was married to Gabby; both men were doctors and co-owners of the White Elk Hospital.

The three friends chatted on, until suddenly they were interrupted.

“Fallon?” The familiar, deep voice cut through the talking at the table.

Fallon gasped. Felt her pulse double immediately. She hadn’t seen or spoken to James in months, since just after her accident, when she’d made it clear that she couldn’t be in a relationship with him any more. Because he’d just discovered he had a son, and she’d had plenty of her own issues to deal with, things she couldn’t talk to James about. She’d done what she’d thought was best for both of them. But she was just taking her first steps back into normal life and she didn’t feel like she could deal with James now.

“Fallon, how are you?”

Suddenly, her lungs felt so tight that she couldn’t breathe and her hands were shaking so hard her muscles were practically seizing up. On top of it all, she was breaking out in a cold sweat. Head spinning. Chest aching. Nausea fast on the rise.

“Fallon?” Gabby whispered, leaning into her. “Are you OK?”

“Tell him to go away,” she whispered. “Please, I don’t want to see him.”

Gabby looked back at Dr. James Galbraith, not sure what to make of this. “I don’t know what to tell you, James. She doesn’t want to see you.”

“Please,” Fallon begged, refusing to turn around and look at him. “Just go away, James.”

“You didn’t return my calls,” he said, as if there were no other women sitting at the table. He stepped forward, stood directly behind Fallon and bent down. “We spoke soon after the accident, when I told you about my son. But then I called every day, for weeks, left messages on your voice mail until you canceled that number, and you never returned my calls. E-mails bounced back.”

“I was a little busy,” she said, turning her head away from him. “And I did leave you a message.”

“Once. You said you were fine, that you were in a nice rehab facility, to please not bother you again. Then the next time I called I got the message that your cellphone number was no longer in use.”

She scooted down in her chair, wanted to crawl under the table. “What are you doing in White Elk?” she asked.

“James is the new pediatrician at the hospital,” Dinah commented. “He applied months ago, back when you were…” She stopped, glanced helplessly at Gabby.

“I’m so sorry, Fallon,” Gabby said. “I wanted to tell you…but not yet. Neil and Eric hired James a while back, pending the completion of the new pediatrics wing. Now that it’s completed, James is head of Pediatrics.”

“And no one told me?”

“How could we?” Gabby said. “Fallon, you’d turned your back on everyone. Practically went into seclusion. And you made it clear to everyone that your relationship with James was over. But he was already hired before we knew that, and Neil and Eric weren’t going to go back on their commitment to him. They wanted James from the moment they read his résumé. Knew he was perfect for the job. But with what you’d gone through…how could we tell you he’d moved here?”

Fallon looked up at James. “Why did you leave Salt Lake City? Why did you move here?” she asked.

“White Elk is where I wanted to be, Fallon. The way you talked about it when we were together, then what I found out about the hospital, how good it was, what a dynamic pediatric department they were setting up…”

“And me? Did I factor into that anywhere?”

Taking the cue, Gabby and Dinah slipped away from the table, not even seen by Fallon as they hurried out the door.

“Yes. At first, when I thought we were going to be together…Well, after we drifted apart, I still wanted to be here because the more I learned about White Elk, and the more I knew the reputation of the hospital, the more I wanted to work here. You knew how bad my job was in Salt Lake…the hours, the demands. It was driving me crazy. I wasn’t advancing, wasn’t getting to practice the kind of medicine I wanted because I was always the backup for my medical partners. And this…it was everything I’ve ever wanted in my medical practice and I couldn’t walk away from it just because you’d walked away from me. But I didn’t mean to upset you over it because, well…I thought we could still work things out between us.”

“No, we can’t.” She started to twist, to look at him, but caught herself in time. Oh, how she wanted to look, though. To remember, to lose herself in him. Tall, with sandy blond hair and the most gorgeous blue eyes…eyes as clear as a mountain lake. But she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. She’d loved this man. Had wanted to spend a life with him. Then she’d let him down in ways he could never know about, ways that were so painful to her she didn’t want to be reminded of what she’d done.

James straightened up, squared his shoulders, cleared his throat to break the tension of that awkward moment. “You wouldn’t talk to me, Fallon. Wouldn’t let me talk to you. I know you must have gone through hell after the accident, but you just withdrew from me. All that time we’d spent together in Salt Lake City…all the plans we were making. I thought we had something that would endure. Then after the plane crash…” He paused, swallowed hard. “I know I got busy with Tyler. And I know the timing was terrible, finding out I had a son just a week after the plane crash. One day I’m not a father and the next I’ve got a five-year-old son whose been literally dropped on my doorstop. I’ll admit I was reeling from it, not handling it as well as I should. Is that why you stayed away from me, why you didn’t even let me know where you were? Is it because I had to spend so much time with Tyler when you were facing so many problems? Did I hurt you, Fallon? Because I never meant to.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” she said. “I told you at the time that I understood how much Tyler needed you, that I was fine by myself.”

But there were also things that she hadn’t told James…A few weeks before the plane crash she’d discovered she was pregnant. She’d been excited, because they’d even talked about having a family, even though they hadn’t dated for long. And after they’d met when she’d been transferring a patient to the hospital in Salt Lake City where James worked, their relationship had developed quickly. But, still, the pregnancy had felt very soon. So Fallon had waited for the right moment to tell him the news. But the stress level of his job had been on the rise, and he had been working so many hours, had been tired, grumpy…So she’d kept it to herself, waiting for the right moment when things had calmed down for him.

Then the plane crash as she’d been returning home to White Elk, the surgeries, the anesthesia, the doctor’s discouraging prognosis of her pregnancy, and…Tyler. To add to James’s stress, he’d found out he was a father to a five-year-old he’d never known about. Everything had felt so confusing, and she had been in such bad shape. In his defense, James had been too. She had seen it. Felt how he’d been so torn between wanting to be with her and needing to be with his son, a child who desperately needed a good father. So she’d kept her secret, and never told James that she’d carried his son for six months and delivered him stillborn. And now it was too late.

Through those awful months, she’d kept telling herself she couldn’t add to James’s burden. Kept telling herself that she was doing the right thing by him and Tyler. Because if he’d known what she was going through, he wouldn’t have left her side. But Tyler had needed him, too. Needed him more.

“No, you didn’t hurt me, James. You’d never do that. But Tyler had to be your priority. If we’d stayed together, you’d have torn yourself up trying to divide your time between Tyler and me, and it had to be about Tyler. There wasn’t any other choice you could make.” That was something she had come to understand more than anything else about that time. James had to be a father first and if she’d stayed with him, that couldn’t have happened. He’d have been too divided.

“But you couldn’t have told me how you were feeling, how you were afraid I’d spend too much time with you and not enough with Tyler? We couldn’t have talked about it?”

She shook her head, couldn’t tell him that what she would have needed from him would have been too great. She’d survived the plane crash, but in so many little pieces. James would have wanted to be the one to put those pieces back together again, and the timing…it couldn’t be helped. He’d just met Tyler. And only just learned how it truly felt to love a child so desperately.

And she’d lost hers…theirs. Lost her baby before James ever knew he existed. And not telling James, not letting him be part of those few months she carried their baby, was the unpardonable sin. Not letting him be there at the delivery of their son, and hold him the way she’d been allowed to for those brief moments…It was all too late now. What was done was done. She couldn’t go back and change it, and she refused to go forward and hurt James. He didn’t deserve that. And she…she didn’t deserve a man as good as James. “I disappeared because I had issues to resolve, and physical problems to work out.”

“Without me,” he said. “Even after what we’d been to each other, you wanted to do it without me?”

“Our relationship was still new, James. A few weekends. Good weekends, and that unbelievable week together, lots of long phone calls in between. Plans, expectations and excitement. But it was so much, and so fast. After the crash I had time to think about it, to realize that…”

“That you didn’t love me? Because you’d said you did.”

“Maybe we were confusing our emotions.” She hated this, hated saying something that wasn’t true because she’d known quickly into their relationship that James was the one. But she’d gone so far beyond that now, and there was no way back. “Maybe what we thought we had wasn’t real.”

“I don’t believe that, Fallon,” he snapped. “Not a word of it. But if that’s the way you want to do this between us…”

“Not us, James. Not any more. But since you’re in White Elk now, we can still be friends…”

“And you think that’s enough?”

“I think it’s all there is.” Not all she wanted, but all she could have.

“You’re wrong, Fallon. I can see it in your eyes. Something you’re not saying. Something you want to say to me, but won’t.”

She shut her eyes. Drew in a steadying breath, and pushed herself away from the table. “You’re the one who’s wrong. I’ve said everything I want to say. And now there’s nothing else.”

Drawing back from her, he studied her for a moment. “That first time I saw you in Salt Lake City, when you were transferring a patient to the hospital, I knew, Fallon. Knew that if I were the marrying kind, you’d be the kind I’d want to marry. Then you turned me into the marrying kind. I didn’t change my life and my entire outlook on a whim. I changed because I knew you, even in a short time I knew you, and knew you were the one worth making those changes for. You were so amazing and open and honest, and you went after life in such a big way. And I don’t believe you’ve changed. Maybe you believe you have, but you’re not the one standing here, looking at the same woman I saw back then. I am looking at her, though, and what I’m seeing more than anything else is…confusion. Pain.”

The most open, honest woman…well, not any more. But to be honest would be to wound him in so many ways and, no matter what he said, she couldn’t bring herself to do that. She just couldn’t. So she stood and left the restaurant without another word. Without looking back. Without letting him see the tears.

Chapter Two

“OK, HE lives here now,” she reasoned as she stepped out of her front door for her morning walk. “A lot of people live here that I never see, and just because he’s working here it doesn’t mean that I’ll have to run into him.” In fact, knowing he was here was good because she could go out of her way to avoid him. Catie’s Overlook was out now because, apparently, he lunched there. Of course, returning to White Elk Hospital wasn’t going to happen now, no matter how much Eric and Neil wanted her back, as that’s where James worked. But Gabby had offered her a permanent job at Three Sisters Women’s Clinic and Hospital, and in time she might be able to face nursing duty there. Someday, when she wasn’t so sensitive to mothers with new babies.

The good thing was, James should rarely have reason to be there. “It could work,” she concluded. Then, in time, after she’d avoided him enough, the habit would sink in. Yes, that’s the way it would be. Or else she couldn’t stay in White Elk. And the thought of leaving was more than she could bear. But, realistically, it was a choice she might have to make.

It was a brisk morning. Just a few weeks away from Christmas, snow was beginning to pile up higher in the mountains, and it wouldn’t be long before it found its way down to the lower elevations in more than just sprinkles and showers. She loved crisp mornings like this, when her breath was visible in white puffs, when the glistening of frost on the trees looked like diamonds. Heavy sweaters, snow boots, mittens and hot chocolate…her favorite things of the season, and she was glad she was well enough to be part of it. For a time she hadn’t been sure that would happen, hadn’t been sure she’d ever see anything outside the gray cement block walls of the rehab hospital. Those had been bleak days, days full of so much pain and so little hope. But finally coming home, especially at this time of year…

“How far do you go now on your morning walks?”

He startled her, and Fallon immediately retreated for her front door.

“You don’t have to run from me,” James said. He was standing at the edge of her cottage, his hand shielding his eyes, staring up at the Older Sister. “Wasn’t it you who said, just yesterday, that we could still be friends?”

“What are you doing here?” she said abruptly.

“Taking a walk, with a friend. You got me into the walking habit, and it’s something I look forward to in the mornings now. I thought maybe we could walk together, the way we used to. Just as friends, like I said.”

“I walk alone,” she snapped.

He turned to face her, the clean, sharp lines of face now coming into her full view. “But I thought you were open to having a friend? And the truth is, I really need a friend because I don’t really know anybody here in White Elk, except you. So I thought it would be nice if the two of us could…”

“No, it wouldn’t be nice,” she said, trying to avert her eyes from him, trying not to let herself get caught up in what she knew would so easily catch her. “And I don’t know why you’re doing this to me, James. I made it clear that I can’t get involved with you again.”

“I’m sorry, Fallon. If I have to say that a million times before you believe me, that’s what I’ll do. I’m so sorry. We both went through a difficult time but I never meant to hurt you. And I know you say I didn’t, but I must have in some profound way.”

His voice was so kind, so sincere, so agonizingly patient it nearly melted her heart. “You didn’t hurt me, James,” she whispered, turning away. But he caught her by the arm and turned her back to him.

“Then what is it? For God’s sake tell me, so I can make it right.”

“There’s nothing to make right. I…I’ve changed since the accident. And now all I’m trying to do is get on with my life. There’s nothing more to say about it, James. There’s nothing left of the us you want us to be. I can’t be anything you want. I don’t have anything left that we wanted together.”

He sighed deeply. “So maybe all I want right now is a companion on a nice morning walk. Is that asking too much?”

She looked up at him again. “And Tyler?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t seen him for a couple of months. Don’t even know where he is. His mother came and took him back for the second time, and I’ve been looking ever since.”

Her heart broke for him, and she knew that being near him, trying to be his friend or even a casual acquaintance wouldn’t work because she would be compelled to tell him the truth at some point. And break his heart even more. “I’m sorry it’s not working out for you.”

“So am I. He’s my son. I have the right to be a part of his life. But Shelly keeps taking that away from me.”

Dear God, it hurt him, hurt her. And she didn’t want to keep doing this, over and over. But their circumstances were what they were. She’d made a bad choice and nothing about it could be changed. “We can’t do this, James.”

“I’m not doing anything, Fallon, but asking to take a walk with you. That’s all. Just a walk. This morning. No expectations attached to it. I mean, aren’t you the one who told me it was so much nicer having someone to walk with? Remember that?”

She had said that, during the most wonderful time of her life, hadn’t she? Back before having James so close to her was a painful reminder of so many losses. “Walking, no talking. Those are my terms. And so you’ll know, I walk two miles out then two miles back. The first part is uphill, at a brisk pace. I won’t slow down for you. If you can keep up with me, fine. If not, the trail is clearly marked and you won’t have any difficulty finding your way back.”

Rather than be dissuaded, as she’d hoped he would be, he simply chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“You. You haven’t changed a bit. That’s exactly the same thing you told me the first time we walked together—except the part about walking and not talking. But if you recall, I kept up pretty well for someone who wasn’t used to executing a vigorous morning constitutional the way you were.”

“I slowed down for you that time,” she said, spinning around and heading off down the path at the side of her cottage. Heading quite vigorously, as James would call it. “This time I won’t.”

“And this time you don’t have to.” He caught up to her in several easy strides, matching her pace perfectly. “I’m in better shape, thanks to a very good teacher who convinced me about the merits of regular exercise.”

She didn’t answer him.

He chuckled. “You’re not going to be easy, are you? Of course, I didn’t expect that you would be. But I want to make this work between us, Fallon. Want to try it again. Start slow and steady and see what happens from there.”

“You can do whatever you want, James. I can’t stop you. But just be clear, you’ll be doing it by yourself because I’m done with us.”

“Because you’ve met someone else? Is that it?”

She was still at the point in this break-up, so raw from it, that she believed there could never be anybody else. She’d believed that the first time he’d kissed her, the first time he’d held her hand, the first time they’d made love. And while she didn’t want to, she still did believe that. Especially now that he was here, now that the memories were so vivid. “There’s no one else,” she told him. “Just me, and I’ve changed.” In deep, profound ways.

That’s all she said, and they spent the next four miles in total silence. Fallon didn’t speak, neither did James. For which she was grateful. It was nice having him tagging along, though. Felt normal. As normal as she’d felt in all these months. Then the walk ended and he made no pretense of wanting anything more. She expected he’d ask to come inside her cottage for some reason…a glass of water, or a cup of hot tea. She even thought he might allude to seeing her same time, same place tomorrow. But he didn’t. When they reached her house he gave her a very casual “Thanks for letting me walk along” then trotted away.

OK, so maybe she was a little disappointed. Largely, though, she was relieved. It’s what she wanted, what she demanded now. The only way she could deal with Dr. James Galbraith, and survive.

“And then I want to go on the Christmas train. They have hot chocolate, and we can feed the reindeer. And see the dinosaurs. They have lights on them.”

“The dinosaurs have lights?” James teased, popping the stethoscope from his ears.

“All colors. But we can’t get close ‘cause they might be real.”

“What might be real? The lights, or the dinosaurs?”

The freckle-faced six-year-old giggled. “The dinosaurs, silly.”

“So the lights might not be real?”

Matthew Brower, or Matty as he insisted on being called, scrunched up his nose, trying to figure out the answer to James’s question. “I think they’re real, too,” he finally said as James helped him down off the exam table. “That’s why they light up…I think.”

James tousled Matty’s curly white-blond hair. “Sounds like the Christmas train is going to be fun. Do they allow adults to ride on it?”

Matty shrugged. “Just moms and dads, I think. Maybe grandpas and grandmas, too.”

Well, for this month, and who knew for how long, that didn’t include him. Didn’t matter. Without Tyler, and worried about Fallon the way he was, James wasn’t in a very festive mood for the holidays, anyway. “You have fun, Matty,” he said, “and watch out for those dinosaurs. Especially the ones with the red lights. They’re the tricky ones.”

Matty rolled his eyes at James, like that was a fact every sensible person on the planet already knew, then he skipped out of the exam room while James gave final instructions to Mrs. Brower. Limited activity for another few days, plenty of rest, continue taking his antibiotics, and by the beginning of the week Matty’s bronchitis would be completely gone. “Call me if you have any questions,” he told her on the way out the door, “and if you don’t mind, I’d like you to bring him in one more time so I can listen to his chest again. As a precaution. Just stop by when it’s convenient, no need to make an appointment.”

No appointment. He liked that. Wasn’t used to the laidback way medicine was practiced here, but he did like it. Looked forward to a long association. Though that was still pretty much up in the air, because if he truly made Fallon’s life miserable by being here, he would rethink his decision.

“I think Matty’s on the mend,” Dinah Ramsey commented, as she passed James in the hall.

“On the mend and excited by something called the Christmas train…it has dinosaurs.”

Dinah chuckled. “That’s all my daughters have been talking about for weeks. Apparently, it’s a big tradition here in the valley. For two weeks, it’s a Christmas train for the children then for the next few months it’s an old-fashioned steam locomotive taking skiers from slope to slope.”

“Quaint,” James said.

“Do you ski?”

“Sometimes. When I have someone to ski with.”

“Fallon might be up to it, at least on the gentle slopes. I know she spent all her time on skis before…” Dinah stopped herself. “I guess that’s not the best suggestion to make, is it?”

“It’s awkward. But I’ll have to get used to it.”

“We all understand, James. It’s been tough on everybody. Fallon’s like an institution in White Elk. Everybody depended on her so much I think she was probably taken for granted in the past. Getting along without her is a tough adjustment on everybody at the hospital, and it’s hard to know what to do around her sometimes. You know, like treading on eggshells. And your situation with her…”

“I think she’s made it perfectly clear there is no situation.”

Dinah gave his arm a sympathetic squeeze. “I’m sorry. For both of you. I hope it gets easier for you in time.”

Time…something he had plenty of. He was a doctor and he was…nothing else. That’s all there was. Six months ago he’d pictured himself as a man who’d be married by Christmas. And now…“I hope so, too,” he told Dinah before Emoline Putters, the irascible ward clerk, shooed him off to his next appointment.

“Mrs. Shelly Geary, and her son Tyler,” Emoline announced, shoving the chart into his hands. “She claims the boy has a cough, but I haven’t heard him.”

A surge of excitement shot through James, followed by a surge of anger and the dread he’d come to know so well. So it was starting over. Except this time he wasn’t giving up. He was ready to fight for Tyler. Ready for a different ending to this chapter in his life. Maybe he couldn’t win Fallon back, but he sure as hell was going to win custody of his son.

“How are you doing, Tyler?” James said, putting on a happy face when he walked into the exam room. He wanted the boy to smile, to be happy to see him again. Wanted to hug the boy. But that wouldn’t be the case today. Both times before, when Shelly had dropped him off, Tyler had been sullen. Nothing had changed. Still, James’s heart swelled the instant he saw his son because the last time Shelly had taken him away, he wasn’t sure he’d ever see Tyler again.

“James,” Shelly said, without the least bit of concern in her voice.

“In the hall!” he demanded, then exited the room.

She followed. “It’s not like you think—” she started.

But James interrupted her. “What’s different this time? Does Donnie want to keep him and you’re the one who doesn’t want him?” Donnie, the husband who didn’t want to raise a son that wasn’t his. That was the reason she’d brought Tyler to him the first two times and he had no reason to believe that wasn’t the reason this time.

“You’ve got it all wrong. Donnie tries really hard, but Tyler gets on his nerves. And Donnie’s got this new job now…”

“Save it, Shelly. I don’t care about your excuses, and I sure as hell don’t care about your husband.” Two nurses in the hall raised eyebrows, and then James led Shelly into the empty exam room across the hall and slammed the door shut. “The only one who’s important here is Tyler, and I’ll swear if you’ve…”

“Tyler doesn’t even try, James. He breaks things, and throws tantrums. Donnie works hard, and when he comes home at night he wants peace and quiet. Doesn’t he have a right to have peace and quiet in his own home?”

A million things crossed James’s mind, things he wanted to say, things he wanted to scream. But he wouldn’t because none of it mattered. At the end of the day, all he cared about was Tyler and, God willing, he was going to get permanent custody of him this time. “Look, just get out of here. I don’t give a damn why you’re dropping him off, don’t give a damn what Tyler’s doing to make your husband angry.”

“It won’t be long, James. Just through the holidays, maybe, then things will settle down.”

Things would never settle down for Shelly and, no matter what else happened, Tyler wasn’t going back into that situation. Not after the holidays, not ever, if he had his way. “Get out, Shelly. Get out of White Elk.” With that, he brushed around her and went straight back to the exam room where Tyler was sitting. And shut the door. Shelly wouldn’t come back, wouldn’t say goodbye to her son. He knew that from history.

So did Tyler.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Galbraith, but I just can’t do it. He wore me out chasing after him, and it’s only been half a day. He’s too…destructive, and I simply can’t have him in my house.” As proof, Mrs. Prestwick held up the headless porcelain figurine Tyler had broken. That, and the lamp for which James had already compensated her. “I hate to give you such sort notice, but you can’t bring Tyler back here.” Emphatic words. The same words he’d heard from Mrs. Powers and Grandma Addy…the three most highly recommended care-givers in White Elk. Three days, three bridges burned, and James was at his wit’s end now. He had to work, had to take care of Tyler and, at this moment those two parts of his life were clashing in a big way. “I don’t suppose you could recommend anyone else, could you?” he asked the gray-haired septuagenarian.

She shook her head, backing away from her front door as hastily as she could, practically shutting the door in James’s face. He looked down at Tyler, who seemed preoccupied by the snowflakes falling on the evergreen bushes. “I thought you were going to behave,” he said, trying to be patient. “We talked about it the last time you stayed with me and we talked about it just this morning. Remember? Remember how you promised me that you would be good?” For Mrs. Powers it had been about a dozen raw eggs and a pound of ground coffee, all stirred into a nice little cake in the middle of her kitchen floor…a floor that had enough slope that it had facilitated the slithering of that mess to a spot underneath the refrigerator, which had required James to move the fridge and do the cleaning. For Grandma Addy it had involved the hiding of her hearing aid in the trash can just before the trash had been tossed out. Luckily, Grandma Addy had a spare, but James was going to have to take time off work to take her to Salt Lake City and get fitted for another.

“Tell me, Tyler, why did you break Mrs. Prestwick’s things?” He wanted to understand him. Wanted to get to know him and find out why he did what he did, but so far Tyler had resisted pretty much every effort James had made, just like the two previous times when James had taken care of him.

Tyler shrugged, still more interested in the snowflakes.

James huffed out the impatient sigh he’d tried holding in. Three days, and he was all out of ideas. Yet he couldn’t get angry with Tyler. In spite of everything, he loved his son and didn’t blame him for the bad behavior. It was a reaction to his life, to the way he’d been tossed around. Sadly, as hard as James tried to be responsive to Tyler, the boy always pulled away from him. First time, second time and this time. Nothing about that had changed. Nothing about the fact that he’d missed the first years of Tyler’s life would change and he wondered if he’d known about Tyler all that time, if he’d had a hand in raising him, in being his dad, whether Tyler would be so destructive now. Things to wonder about, but things he’d never know since Shelly hadn’t told him about Tyler until her husband had forced her into it. “Well, for now you’re going to have to come back to work with me.” And do what? James didn’t have a clue. Not a single, solitary clue. “Look, Tyler, I don’t know what it is you’ve got against these women, but we need to make arrangements for you while I’m at work.” He held out his hand to Tyler, but Tyler reflexively shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

James could have pushed the issue, insisted Tyler take his hand, physically demanded it, but what good would that do? Upsetting a five-year-old that way didn’t prove a thing and somehow James had the idea that the things Tyler needed proved to him were profound and deep. “What I need from you is some co-operation. I know you don’t like being here, that none of this was your idea, but right now we’ve got to make the best of it. Figure out what’s going to make you happy…” He glanced out to the road in time to see Fallon drive by. She was headed in the direction of home, and as he watched her car wind its way down the road, the longing hit hard.

He wondered again whether he could have handled things differently after her accident. She’d needed him and he’d clearly been divided. Her needs, Tyler’s needs, adjusting to fatherhood…yet he’d always thought that he could get through it and give everybody what they required. Clearly, he’d been wrong and even now, while he didn’t know what it was, he was convinced Fallon had needed something he hadn’t been able to give her. The hell of it was, he hadn’t even realized it at the time. It was all afterthought, and filled with so many unanswered questions. But he’d been desperate back then, doing his best. Yet Fallon had insisted she understood his absences, his distractions, his moods—in short, that she was OK without him. He’d believed her, too. Trusted her. After all, Fallon was a strong woman, even with her injuries. She was a fighter, and that was something else he trusted.

But maybe he’d taken that strength too for granted, the way people in White Elk had taken her competence for granted. Maybe the brave face she’d always put on for him hadn’t been so brave. And he’d never realized it. Never once questioned it.

Then the morning Shelly had taken Tyler away from him, he’d gone to Fallon’s hospital room to apologize for not being there for her as much as he’d wanted. But the room had been empty, the bed stripped of its linens. There had been nothing to suggest she’d ever been there. The nurses had told him she’d gone to a rehabilitation hospital, without telling anyone which one. Or, if they knew, their loyalty to Fallon had kept them from revealing it.

Could he have done things differently? Probably. Would it have made a difference to his relationship with Fallon? That, he didn’t know.

“There’s someone I want you to meet,” he said, glancing down at Tyler then back at Fallon’s car, which was turning onto a side street. He loved Fallon, and he loved Tyler. It was time to set at least one of his mistakes right. “Look, Tyler, we’re going to make a quick stop before we go to the hospital, and I need you to be on your very best behavior. Do you think you can do that for me?”

Naturally, Tyler didn’t respond. All he did was follow James to the car, and crawl into the back seat after James opened the door for him. Dutifully, the little boy fastened his seat belt then he sat there like a perfect little gentleman, hands folded in his lap, staring out the window.

For a moment James studied Tyler in the rear-view mirror once he’d settled himself into the driver’s seat, wondering what went on in the child’s mind. Wondering what he could do to find out.

Wondering what he could do to make Tyler accept him as his father.

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