Praise for The Best is Yet to Come

‘The kind of emotional and heartwarming read that do not disturb signs were made for. This is Colins at her best’ Mike Gayle, Half a World Away

‘Uplifting, warm and full of heart. I loved it!’ Cathy Bramley, A Patchwork Family

‘A gorgeous warm novel about finding hope and friendship in the most unexpected places’ Paige Toon, The Minute I Saw You

‘I can’t remember the last time I related to a character as much as Izzy! A warm and touching read about identity and friendship and all that’s in-between’ The Unmumsy Mum

‘Will break your heart and put it back together again. A touching, emotional, uplifting and life-affirming tale about the importance of love and friendship’ Isabelle Broom, Hello, Again

‘Heartwarming and full of hope, I fell in love with Arthur and Izzy as they fell in love with each other’ Clare Pooley, The Authenticity Project

‘Absolutely gorgeous – heartwarming and emotional. I loved it!’ Rachael Lucas, The Telephone Box Library

‘Warm, wonderful and life-affirming’ Cressida McLaughlin, The Cornish Cream Tea Summer

‘A proper feel-good story about an unexpected friendship that brought a happy tear to my eye’ Josie Lloyd, The Cancer Ladies’ Running Club

‘Joyful, uplifting and wise. Just the tonic for our times – a love song to kindness and connection. I loved it’ Katie Marsh, My Everything

‘Tender, hopeful and uplifting’ Emma Cooper, The First Time I Saw You

‘A special book about love and friendship that will touch your heart. I loved it’ Alex Brown, A Postcard from Italy

‘What a gem! It had me weeping and smiling and I couldn’t put it down’ Emily Kerr, Who Does He Think He Is

‘Uplifting, heartwarming and utterly life-affirming’ Jessica Ryn, The Extraordinary Hope of Dawn Brightside

‘Emotional, uplifting and bursting with hope. This is a story about learning how to live again’ Nicola Gill, The Neighbours

‘A heartwarming story that reels you in from the first page – a story of friendship and community with two unforgettable characters’ Lynsey James, The Single Dad’s Handbook

‘An uplifting novel about an unexpected friendship that’s poignant and wise. Full of emotion, with real heart-in-mouth moments, I adored it!’ Anna Bell, The Man I Didn’t Marry

‘Deftly examines the complex emotions of early motherhood, loneliness and forgiveness in a beautiful tale that warmed my heart’ Pernille Hughes, Probably the Best Kiss in the World

‘A wonderfully big-hearted story about kindness and connection. A total tonic’ Emilya Hall, The Thousand Lights Hotel

‘A ray of sunshine in a dreary year and an uplifting reminder that we’re better together’ Elle Croft, The Guilty Wife

KATY COLINS learned there is always a second chance in life. Jilted before her wedding, she sold all she owned, filled a backpack and booked a one-way ticket to the other side of the world.

Her solo travels inspired her to pen ‘The Lonely Hearts Travel Club’ series and saw her dubbed the ‘Backpacking Bridget Jones’ by the global media. And, in a stunning twist of fate, Katy found her happy-ever-after by marrying the journalist who shared her story with the world.

She now lives in the middle of England with her husband, John, and two young children.

You can find out more about Katy, her writing and her travels at www.katycolins.com or @notwedordead on social media platforms.

Also by Katy Colins

Chasing the Sun

How to Say Goodbye

The Lonely Heart Travel Club series:

Destination: Thailand

Destination: India

Destination: Chile

Copyright

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2021

Copyright © Katy Colins 2021

Katy Colins asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Ebook Edition © March 2021 ISBN: 9780008202262

Version 2021-03-08

Note to Readers

This ebook contains the following accessibility features which, if supported by your device, can be accessed via your ereader/accessibility settings:

 Change of font size and line height

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 Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008202255

E & A. I’m so proud to call you mine.

Contents

Cover

Praise

About the Author

Booklist

Title Page

Copyright

Note to Readers

Chapter 1: Izzy

Chapter 2: Arthur

Chapter 3: Izzy

Chapter 4: Arthur

Chapter 5: Izzy

Chapter 6: Arthur

Chapter 7: Izzy

Chapter 8: Arthur

Chapter 9: Izzy

Chapter 10: Arthur

Chapter 11: Izzy

Chapter 12: Arthur

Chapter 13: Izzy

Chapter 14: Arthur

Chapter 15: Izzy

Chapter 16: Arthur

Chapter 17: Izzy

Chapter 18: Arthur

Chapter 19: Izzy

Chapter 20: Arthur

Chapter 21: Izzy

Chapter 22: Arthur

Chapter 23: Izzy

Chapter 24: Arthur

Chapter 25: Izzy

Chapter 26: Arthur

Chapter 27: Izzy

Chapter 28: Arthur

Chapter 29: Izzy

Chapter 30: Arthur

Chapter 31: Izzy

Chapter 32: Arthur

Chapter 33: Izzy

Chapter 34: Arthur

Chapter 35: Izzy

Chapter 36: Arthur

Chapter 37: Izzy

Chapter 38: Arthur

Chapter 39: Arthur

Chapter 40: Izzy

Chapter 41: Arthur

Author’s Note

Acknowledgements

Extract

About the Publisher

Chapter 1
Izzy

Izzy wished she could stop crying. She sniffed loudly and glanced at her phone – there were still six hours until Andrew came home. Six hours until she would be rescued. Three hundred and sixty long minutes left to endure, unless he called to say he was going to be late, again. That may tip her over the edge. She had been proud of herself this morning for managing to hold back the tears until his car had left the drive. He had been too busy connecting his phone to the car’s Bluetooth to see her stare out of the rain-splattered window at him, visibly overwhelmed by the prospect of another day with no purpose other than to survive. The cold, grey February day loomed long, not helped by the swollen sky and determined rain clouds to scupper any plans she might have had to brace the outdoors.

She grabbed a tissue, the last in the box, and blew her nose. Some days she couldn’t exactly remember why she was crying but right now it was because she had reached her limit. This bone-aching exhaustion was certainly slowly killing her. Grit rested in her eyes, her limbs constantly ached and pounding headaches were never far away. If she could just get more than three hours of sleep in one go then she was sure she could take on anything the world threw at her. She cupped her hands over her ears to drown out her newborn daughter’s cries. The torturous sound made her heart feel like it was being stabbed with a thousand jagged pieces of glass.

Izzy had decided to try the ‘cry it out’ method, one that her mother-in-law had suggested – among many other snippets of advice – in a bid to get Evie to sleep. It had seemed so simple. You made sure your baby was fed, clean and winded – then you laid them in their cot to sleep. You checked on them when they cried, after three minutes, but never picked them up in the hope that they would eventually settle themselves.

Anything was worth a shot at this desperate stage. In the five weeks since bringing Evie home from the hospital Izzy had tried everything – from using stuffed animals that played lullabies on a loop, to rocking her, to blasting white noise from her iPhone. Nothing worked. She was ‘lucky’ if her daughter managed to settle for a couple of hours each night.

According to her phone timer, it had only been forty-two seconds since she last checked on her. Izzy bit down on her bottom lip as the steady cries grew in volume from upstairs. All she wanted was five minutes of peace, downstairs, on her own. Enough time to enjoy a hot cup of tea, or even take a superquick shower and wash her greasy hair instead of constantly relying on dry shampoo. Enough time to sit in silence and clear her head. If she was really honest with herself, what she wanted was to have her old life back. She could never ever say this out loud to anyone. Even just thinking it made her feel a little bit sick. But it was true. She had imagined maternity leave to feel like one long, lovely weekend with idyllic family outings discovering local hidden gems that she’d never had the time to explore before. Or long, lazy pub lunches as her peaceful baby napped, or even time to dedicate to a new hobby, but it wasn’t like that at all. Right now Izzy longed to have a purpose; some place to be, something that fulfilled her, as she clearly wasn’t cut out to be a mother.

Izzy glanced around the messy lounge to find the remote control. Perhaps she could turn the volume up really loud to block the crying out. The room had been taken over by gaudy plastic and stuffed toys. ‘Welcome to the world’ new baby cards in every possible shade of pink you could imagine cluttered the surfaces, she should probably get round to taking them down. A once shiny helium balloon in the shape of a baby bottle was slowly deflating in the corner. Four bunches of flowers, all way past their best, were shedding brown petals across the carpet that needed a decent hoover. Damp, sicky muslins were discarded across the sofa. Half drunk, cold cups of tea and snotty, balled-up tissues from her last big cry lined the side table. She couldn’t see the remote anywhere in amongst this chaos. She began flinging cushions to the floor, her exasperation growing in sync with the volume of Evie’s cries.

Sleep training was hell. How did other mums do it? How did they let their babies cry and cry and cry? It was taking all her willpower to stick it out until her phone alarm went off. She glanced at her screen, it had been one minute and seven seconds – she wasn’t even halfway. Just then the chime of her doorbell startled her. Who the hell was that? The postman had already been and she certainly wasn’t expecting visitors this time in the afternoon. She wiped her wet eyes with her sleeve and shuffled in her slippers to the front door, flinging it open.

Izzy stared at the delivery man standing on her doorstep holding a parcel. He was in his mid-eighties, with neatly combed baby-fine white hair, much older than the usual Amazon delivery guy. She couldn’t remember what life-changing gadget she’d ordered this time that promised to fix everything. Desperate to get through another night feed she had taken to scouring the internet for anything that guaranteed a decent chunk of sleep. One-click ordering and next-day delivery was both a blessing and a curse.

‘Hello.’ The many wrinkles on his face reminded her of an overcooked jacket potato. ‘I’m Arthur. From number thirty-nine.’ His voice was deep and low. The kind of voice used to being spoken over. That was the house opposite, the one on the corner of the cul-de-sac. Perhaps the parcel wasn’t for her and had he actually come to complain about the noise. He probably presumed something terrible was taking place inside, thanks to Evie’s ear-splitting screams.

‘I’m sorry to bother you but I’ve had this delivered to me by mistake,’ he said, clearing his throat, holding out the slim brown cardboard box. It was the exact same shade of brown as his trousers and his thick overcoat that was missing a button.

‘It’s been labelled correctly, but it’s been left at my door by accident. I’m sorry if it was anything urgent. I did try and call over yesterday but you must have been out.’

Izzy had been in all day but she’d ignored the doorbell. Yesterday had been a rough day, even worse than today, if that was possible.

She eventually found her voice. ‘Thanks.’

Evie’s cries were getting louder, shooting down the stairs, under her skin and into her bones.

‘Oh,’ The old man looked as if he had only just heard the terrible noise. ‘I’m sorry to have disturbed you. I hope I didn’t wake—’

‘No, she wasn’t asleep. She’s allergic to it,’ Izzy said.

‘Oh, oh dear. I—’

‘She’s not! It was a joke, a poor one,’ Izzy explained hurriedly. ‘She’s fine, just fighting a much-needed nap.’

‘Ah, OK…’ He shifted on his feet as if waiting for something. ‘Shall I just leave it here or…?’

The package! She took it from his large veiny hands, the movement making her dressing gown flutter open. The old man’s gaze fell on her pink faded unicorn slippers that matched the pyjama set she was still wearing at ten past two in the afternoon. He kindly turned away as Izzy quickly grabbed the dressing gown tie and pulled it tight. Great, she cringed, she had just exposed the large wet patch around her right boob where her breast pad had leaked. She was suddenly aware of her own body odour, a heady mix of sweat and puked-up breast milk. It was days like this when she felt like she was in someone else’s body, living someone else’s life.

‘Thanks for dropping it round,’ she coughed, swallowing back tears of mortification.

‘You’re welcome, dear,’ he said softly, a sort of worried look dancing across his large hazel-coloured eyes behind his thick glasses. ‘Take care now.’

Izzy closed the door, letting out a weary sigh. She tore open the cardboard and pulled out 101 Ways to Mother Like a Boss. Another baby how-to book from her mother-in-law. This must be the fourth one she had sent her in as many weeks. Izzy knew she meant well, clearly wanting to do something to help, but it was so far off the mark. When did she have time to sit and read an entire book? What was wrong with sending a stonking box of posh chocolates or a gift basket filled with fancy smellies? She tossed the book on the stairs where it would remain, unread, until she next did a clear-out for the charity shop.

‘Why not sort out your own problems instead of getting involved in mine?!’ she grumbled, fully aware that talking to yourself was the first sign of madness. Her phone alarm began to beep, the three minutes were up. Thank God. Her nerves couldn’t handle the cry-it-out method ever again.

Izzy raced to pick up a red-faced Evie from her cot and bring her back downstairs. She fell to the sofa, aware of the tingling sensation in her boobs. It didn’t seem possible but perhaps she was still hungry. Izzy unhooked her feeding bra and momentarily winced as Evie latched. She may never sleep again but at least she had cracked breastfeeding, that counted for something, didn’t it? Within seconds her daughter was calmer. Izzy wished she could say the same about herself. Her ears were still ringing from the traumatic experience. She lolled her head back on the sofa to ignore the state of the lounge. She had literally achieved nothing today apart from tend to Evie and re-boil the kettle but never actually make that cup of tea she longed for. Did other mums feel this way or was she the only one? Her Instagram feed was full of perfectly made-up new mums celebrating the wonders of motherhood and how they hashtag cherished every minute. Izzy did not cherish every minute.

She looked around for the remote; the only way to blot out the self-doubting thoughts was to fill her tired mind with rubbish telly. Reality TV shows had become her lifeline, her escapism from the monotony of newborn life. Sure, it was probably frying what little of her brain cells she had left that hadn’t been eradicated from the torture of sleep deprivation, but it wasn’t like she had to be up on current affairs for any office discussions. The last person she had spoken to, bar Evie and Andrew, was that old man, she was sure he’d said his name was Arthur. The realisation troubled her. She tried to cast her mind back to when she’d had a conversation that wasn’t mindless small talk with a supermarket cashier. Apart from the congratulatory messages from colleagues and friends she hadn’t heard from anyone properly in weeks, but then everyone was so busy with their own lives. She realised that the last adult interaction outside of her home was probably with the midwife who had discharged them from her care.

Izzy was convinced that appointment had been a mistake, she wasn’t ready to be booted out into the big wide world with a baby. Couldn’t they see how white her knuckles had turned from tightly clinging on to the sides of the straight-backed chair in the clinic? Didn’t they – the qualified professionals – not have doubts that they were handing the most precious thing in the world to someone clearly so incompetent? But no, apparently not. She had been left in charge of this tiny, unhappy, demanding baby all on her own once Andrew returned to work after his paternity leave ended. Not that he was much help whilst he was off but it was better than fending for herself. Back then happy adrenalin raced around her body, shielding her from the devastating hormonal rollercoaster she was about to ride solo.

Surely there should be some advanced level of training required for keeping a human alive? It was a big deal. Everything she’d learnt at her antenatal classes had vanished the moment she was handed her tightly swaddled daughter after a ‘textbook’ labour and birth. She’d nodded dazedly as beaming midwives congratulated her and clucked around before leaving her leaking, sore and bone-tired. It felt like she had gone into battle, but instead of time to recuperate she was then sent straight back into another war zone, this one without any troops for support.

Izzy was convinced Andrew was working longer hours to avoid spending time in the bombsite of their home with a sobbing irrational wife and a frustrated pink-faced daughter. He didn’t know what to do with either of these demanding women.

‘Oh give me strength!’ she groaned as her eyes finally fell on where the remote control was – hidden behind an empty family bag of Kettle Chips, way out of her reach. Her frustrated cry startled Evie, who tugged at Izzy’s cracked nipple.

‘Owww!’

Izzy began to cry once more. No one told her it was going to be this hard.

Chapter 2
Arthur

They say time flies when you’re having fun but when you’re waiting to die the opposite is true. No one understood this more than Arthur Winter. He also conceded that a bout of insomnia only highlighted how arduous everything was. He had had another rough night tossing and turning, chasing sleep that never came. When he’d finally dozed off, around 3 a.m., the sound of the bin lorries trundling into the cul-de-sac had jolted him from this superficial slumber. He must have drifted back to sleep as he now woke to the sounds of car doors slamming and people chatting below his bedroom window. The morning school run.

There was a time when Arthur had leisurely embraced the lack of a commute but now he knew better; he needed to get up and get out of bed. No good came from lying there thinking. If he had learnt anything since living alone, it was that he had to keep his mind and body as active as possible to avoid the dark clouds that were never far on his horizon. Instead of succumbing to the lure of another hour or so wrapped under the warm duvet, he slowly forced himself up. He winced at his aching joints, scrambled a hand on the bedside table for his glasses and let out a deep yawn.

‘Let’s get it over with,’ he muttered to himself.

He pulled open his curtains to be greeted with a dull sky, as if the sun was matching his lack of energy to shine any brighter. At least it had stopped raining for the first morning in what felt like a very long time. Arthur slipped on his worn dressing gown that had once been a brilliant royal blue and mentally ran through his to-do list. Wake up. Well, that had been ticked off, accompanied by the daily sense of disappointment.

Get up – tick. He headed to the bathroom. Take a shower – tick.

He preferred to have baths but found he was struggling to get in and out of the tub. Once he’d even nodded off and had woken with a gasp and a coughing fit as water trickled down his nostrils. That was not the way he’d planned to go, so had taken showers ever since.

Get dressed – tick.

Arthur had a uniform of a shirt, pullover, slacks and comfortable lace-up leather shoes that he still made sure to polish, even if he wasn’t exactly sure why. All in the muted palette of biscuit brown. No trends to follow, no patterns to match, no umming and ahhing over what to wear; it was the same each and every day. In the height of summer he would swap the pullover for a sleeveless one. A jerkin, that’s what Pearl called it. Fastening the shirt buttons was growing trickier but he persevered.

Give the house a quick once-over – tick. By that he meant plump the dark green velvet sofa cushions and squirt some furniture polish on a cloth and give the set of framed photographs that stood proudly on the mantelpiece a brisk wipe.

‘Good morning, my darling.’ The butter yellow cloth danced over Pearl’s smiling face. His own smile faltered. ‘I’m still here.’

The black-and-white one was from their wedding day, they looked so alarmingly young. Next to that was a shot of the pair of them on a beach in Benidorm. He could count on one hand the number of times they had been abroad, it was all very overrated. He wasn’t even sure why Pearl had bothered to frame this photo that a particularly dull couple from the same hotel had offered to take as they all waited for the nightly entertainment. As an out of tune Frank Sinatra tribute act had warbled, they’d raised their overpriced ice cream cones and smiled for the camera. It hadn’t particularly felt like a moment worth capturing.

The most recent one was taken at a church dance that Arthur had grudgingly agreed to go to. His tight, barely there smile was eclipsed by Pearl’s broad and beautiful grin. He had stared at that photo every day since, surprised by how terribly old he looked and how oblivious they had both been to what lay ahead just months later. It had been one year and ten months since he’d lost Pearl. He didn’t much like that expression, you lost your house keys or an odd sock, not a person, not the other half of you. He was the one who was lost without her.

Have breakfast – tick. A bowl of cornflakes, a cup of tea and a banana to keep him regular. Sometimes he would have toast. A slice of white bread with a generous scraping of real butter, an indulgence that he knew his doctor would raise an eyebrow at. He would leave the dishes until later, to give him something to fill his afternoon with.

‘Oi!’ he shouted, banging a fist against the kitchen window that overlooked his small back garden. ‘Gerroff!’

That pesky pigeon was back. Every morning he would find it messing about in his borders, landing on his rose bushes and clawing at the soil on his neat lawn. His loud noise did nothing to move the stubborn bird away. He grumbled under his breath and grabbed a baking tray and a wooden spoon. This usually did the trick. He padded outside and banged the utensils loudly together.

‘I said, get off. Get away with you!’

This time the sudden noise and movement forced the bird to flap its grey speckled wings and fly over to his neighbour’s roof. Arthur kept one eye on it as if baiting it to return. The bird thankfully stayed where it was. Arthur gave his rose bushes the once over and plodded back indoors.

Go and get the paper – tick. Errands equate existence, he’d read that somewhere. His daily walks were the only thing that loosely resembled a fitness regime. It was quite terrifying just how frail he had become without realising. It was as if old age had sprung up on him like an unexpected utility bill. To look at him now, no one would believe the hours he used to spend keeping in tip-top physical condition. Back then his athletic abilities had been the key to a wonderful new career. He tried his hardest not to think of that time, for plenty of reasons it was easier not to go there.

The newsagents was a short walk away, past the common and along to the small row of shops. It was next to a hairdressers, a Chinese takeaway and a new shop that sold these funny looking things called e-cigarettes. Great plumes of fruity smoke would billow out of the door like a cabaret act was about to walk onto a stage. He stepped to one side to let a man in a suit stride past, a jogger almost careered into him. Everyone was always in a hurry nowadays. Rushing from here to there. Must dash, busy busy busy. Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he’d had to rush anywhere. Time was all he had and he had it in bucket-loads.

As he strolled back home with his paper under his arm, he noticed some activity further down his street. He sighed. Pearl had been the one who would happily stand on the edge of their driveway and have a chinwag with the neighbours. Cooing over any new addition to the street, whether it be animal or human, genuinely interested in the welfare of those geographically close to her. She would offer a cheery wave, a pleasant good morning and some little quip about the weather that was often reciprocated. This then led to a lengthy chat that always precluded Arthur from getting where he needed to be.

After Pearl had passed away, Arthur had suffered the well-meaning interest in how he was getting on. But truthfully, Arthur couldn’t be doing with all that nonsense. He never knew what to say. Trying to make small talk with people he had absolutely nothing in common with was exhausting. He didn’t know how his wife had done it. Arthur just wanted to keep himself to himself, what was so wrong with that? He was used to being invisible and, for the most part, it suited him fine. He spent his days waiting until he could go to bed, hoping he wouldn’t wake up, hoping to finally be reunited with Pearl.

‘Hello! Thank goodness it’s cleared up for once, hey?’

The less than dulcet tones of his neighbour Mrs Peterson from number forty-three rang out. She was the one who owned three dogs; a dozy lurcher, a shaggy-haired collie and a fluffy poodle-type thing. He’d almost spat out his tea when he’d seen her pushing the latter about in a special pooch pushchair one time. The dog seemed perfectly comfortable being treated like a baby or a dolly. It was absurd; the woman was clearly losing her marbles.

‘Hellooooo!’ she shouted louder to get his attention.

Arthur pretended not to see her. If only his feet would move as quick as they once had, he could be inside his front door within seconds. Unfortunately, he couldn’t seem to walk any faster without his joints screaming in pain. There was nothing for it. He was going to have to make eye contact.

‘Morning,’ he replied formally and raised his right hand in what could be considered a greeting.

‘Isn’t it nice to be able to get outside without getting soaked? I was just about to take Pebbles out for her walk to make the most of it. They’re saying that it’s not going to last, you see, more rain is on its way.’

Arthur was still moving in the direction of his house, which somehow felt like it was being moved further away. He was already running late for the quiz show he quite liked to listen to on Radio 4 as he prepared his lunch.

‘It reminds me of something your Pearl used to say. What was it now?’ She paused, tapping a chubby finger to her pursed lips.

Arthur stopped walking at the mention of his wife’s name.

‘Oh yes! She used to say make hay whilst the sun shines! That was it. She always did have a saying for every moment, didn’t she?’

Arthur nodded tightly. He was forever remembering Pearlisms, or as he put it, Pearls of Wisdom. She’d glance out of the window on a bright summer’s morning and say things like ‘it’s a lovely day for the race’. Arthur was then meant to ask which race, she’d reply with a chuckle ‘the human race!’ It never got old that one.

‘She really was a wonderful woman. I’ll never forget her kindness when Fluffy went missing. Our late cat,’ she added at Arthur’s blank look.

Oh yes, he remembered now. Mrs Peterson had been beside herself in near hysterics when her cat had gone missing a few years ago. She’d raced from house to house asking everyone to be vigilant. Arthur had found the ball of silver fluff hiding at the back of his shed a few days later when he’d gone to store the antifreeze he’d bought on offer. The damn thing had scratched his lawnmower cover to shreds. Pearl had scooped it up and nestled her face in its fur, chiding Arthur for being so rude towards the wretched creature. Mrs Peterson had cried with relief when they had been reunited. Arthur was still waiting for her to replace his lawnmower cover.

‘She would do anything for anyone, wouldn’t she? Do you know what, I’ve still got some bits and bobs from her last round-up of donations for the church. There are some tins of food that must be past their sell-by date by now.’

‘Yes. Right, well… I really need to be getting on—’

Mrs Peterson acted as if she hadn’t heard him. ‘Oh Arthur, I wanted to have a word with you actually. The thing is, I had hoped that I could rally the troops and get the whole of the cul-de-sac involved in a fun project.’ She waddled over to him. Her dog was on a lead and not in a pram this time. ‘It’s called wheelie bin art.’

Arthur stopped shuffling and turned to face her.

‘Wheelie bin art?’ he repeated, sure he had misheard her.

‘Yes!’ She grinned, pleased to finally have caught his attention. ‘I was thinking the other day how dull it is on an evening when the bins go out. It’s a sea of grubby grey soldiers all lined up waiting for the bin men, sorry, bin people, to come and collect them. So what I thought would be rather fun,’ she winked, ‘is if every house prettied their bins up a bit. You can buy these decorative stickers that you just stick on. I’ve seen them in Poundland. I’d be happy to get you some and you can reimburse me.’

Arthur had never heard of anything so ridiculous. A bin was a bin, it wasn’t a piece of art.

‘I don’t—’

‘You can get all sorts of designs, from flowers to colourful abstract sort of swirls to a complete beach scene. You could look out of your window and be forgiven for thinking you were on the shore of Torremolinos!’ Mrs Peterson laughed, making her chins dance. ‘I’ve spoken to next door and they’re keen. Like I said, I’m happy to buy the stickers and everyone can pay me back later. I just think it would be a bit of fun.’

Arthur had to turn his scoff into a long cough at the look she gave him.

‘I imagine you’re a keen fisherman. I can see if I can get you the koi carp one, if you like? Or is gardening more your thing? There’s one with adorable spades and trowels!’

‘Neither. Thanks,’ Arthur found his voice as soon as he realised she wasn’t winding him up.

‘Oh, come on.’ She nudged his arm. He was taken aback by the unexpected physical contact. ‘You can’t be the only bin left out. It would ruin the whole effect!’

There were only seven houses in the cul-de-sac.

‘I’m sorry but I think…’

They were suddenly interrupted by the mewling cries of a newborn baby and the harassed shushing of its mother. Arthur glanced up to see the young lady from the house opposite struggling to heave a bulky car seat from her car.

‘Oh Lordy, someone’s got a good set of lungs on them!’ Mrs Peterson called out with a chirpy laugh.

Izzy Carter flushed with colour. Arthur remembered her name from delivering that parcel to her the other day. She had looked utterly exhausted when he’d briefly spoken to her on the doorstep. She must only be in her late twenties or early thirties but her eyes had been worryingly lifeless. He’d been thinking of her since then and keeping watch on her house, as if sending her supportive thoughts out of his window. Her husband, the tall man who drove a nice Renault, pulled up on their drive at half past seven, like most evenings. Arthur wished Pearl was here, she would have known what to do. She probably would have baked her a cake or delivered a casserole but Arthur didn’t know how to do either of these things, and even if he did it he worried he would be overstepping the mark.

‘Oh, yes. She certainly likes to make an entrance,’ Izzy laughed weakly, dropping her keys and flashing a tight smile.

‘I’d best be off,’ Arthur said, sensing his chance to escape.

‘Oh, alright then, dear,’ Mrs Peterson said. ‘Have a think about what design you’d like. I can drop round some examples in the week? See you soon, love!’

Arthur turned and plodded with as much pace as he could muster down his front path. He couldn’t care less what colour, shape or design his wheelie bin was, just that it was collected on time and with as little noise as possible.

The day trundled forward, as it tended to do, in an unmemorable fashion. Arthur had read the paper, paused for lunch, washed his dishes, and had had a snooze. He switched on the television and turned up the volume. Perhaps there would be a decent film or a documentary that could fill a bit of time until he decided which tin to open and heat up for his dinner. He flicked through the channels, skipping past a chat show with heavily made-up middle-aged women discussing the menopause, an antiques specialist rummaging through someone’s junk, and a talk show where two men with a full set of teeth between them, shouted at one another about sleeping with the same woman.

‘Can you believe this nonsense?’ Arthur said to the empty spot on the sofa where Pearl would sit. Sometimes he liked to imagine she was just in another room, her seat cushion still warm, her knitting balled up to the side and her favourite mug on the coffee table.

‘Right, I may as well make another cup of tea.’

Didn’t someone once say that the first sign of madness was talking to yourself? he mused. As he rose to his feet something caught his eye from the lounge window, temporarily distracting him from the pain in his joints and the empty spot on the sofa.

Mrs Peterson had found her next victim. She was talking to the mother of teenagers who lived at number forty-one, on her way home from the school run. Her car was like a taxi to those girls who filed out, slamming the doors, carrying various bags, gym kits and sports equipment, and not a word of thanks or a smile between them. He watched as the woman politely nodded along, listening to this ridiculous bin art idea. Arthur started to make his way to the kitchen, chuckling to himself.

He was too busy thinking about wheelie bins that he wasn’t concentrating on where he was going. He didn’t see that the edge of the rug had lifted near the coffee table. His slipper caught in the unexpected obstacle. And, as if in slow-motion, he realised what was coming next. He shot forwards. He wasn’t as quick to find his balance as he once had been. He was unable to stop himself from falling. His arms reflexively sprang out as his whole body slammed onto the carpet, his glasses shot off somewhere. Thankfully his head narrowly missed the edge of the fireplace, he would certainly be a goner if that had made contact. He was too dazed and trying to make sense of his narrow escape from smashing his skull on the cold stone surround that it took him a second or two to acknowledge the unnatural way his left leg was lying. A flame-like heat tore through his body, followed by the unmistakable urge to vomit. With a deep breath he pushed with all his strength to lift himself up.

‘Oww!’ he roared, the sound shocking him.

He blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears that stung his wide eyes. He’d had slight falls before but nothing to this level. Stay calm, he told himself, he needed to call for help but there was no way he could get to his phone. The landline was sat on the windowsill nearest his armchair, in view but out of reach. He hadn’t the foggiest where his mobile telephone was, he hadn’t used it since Jeremy bought it for him a year ago. He could really do with an unexpected visit from his nephew right now.

‘Help. Help! Heeeellllpppp!’

He shouted so much that his throat grew hoarse, pausing only to listen if he could hear his neighbours rushing to his aid. But Arthur knew it was wishful thinking. Irritating theme music blared from the TV, masking any noises he was making. He tried desperately not to succumb to the throbbing pain in his ankle but it was too difficult. Blackness caved in around his eyes, the lounge growing smaller under the unstoppable encroaching darkness. The last thing Arthur remembered was wondering how long it would be until help came – if help came at all.

Chapter 3
Izzy

Izzy had come to the supermarket to pick up a few bits for dinner. She knew that she’d needed to get out when the four walls of her lounge felt like they were closing in on her but she hadn’t been prepared for this sensory overload. Everything was so loud and bright. Weeks of sleep deprivation was making her feel like she was walking through treacle. Her brain had been replaced with cotton wool, her gritty tired eyes struggled to focus on the items on the shelves. Apparently this was normal – every new mum said they felt tired in the early days but Izzy hadn’t quite anticipated this level of crippling, disorientating exhaustion. She couldn’t shake the constant nausea or the dizzying headaches that came from weeks of broken sleep. She was clumsy, absent-minded and her emotions swung on a knife-edge. At least she didn’t need to rush around the aisles, Evie had finally fallen asleep in the special baby-friendly trolley so Izzy could take her time, a blessing given her current indecisiveness.

‘Shit,’ she muttered under her breath, turning the corner. It was all going so well.

Standing in the chilled desserts section near the cream horns and profiteroles, was Pauline, her boss’s PA. It must be someone’s birthday. They usually sent Pauline out to buy a selection of chocolate eclairs if there was a celebration in the office. Izzy had promised she would bring Evie in to meet her colleagues but she hadn’t felt up to socialising. It wasn’t just surviving the well-meaning pleasantries but the fear of Evie screaming down the whole office and Izzy being unable to soothe her that stopped her from fixing a date in the diary.

She didn’t want her colleagues to see just how badly she was handling everything. Before having a baby, she was in control, organised and well turned out. This new Izzy felt, and looked, an utter mess. Her hair, that managed to somehow be greasy and matted at the same time, was permanently pulled into a high messy bun. She never had time to put make-up on and she couldn’t even remember if she’d brushed her teeth most mornings.

It wasn’t just surviving idle chit-chat, and Pauline was a chatterer at the best of times, but the anxiety that followed. Izzy knew she would only pick apart and analyse whatever conversation they were about to have for days after. There was only one choice – she had to get out of there as quickly as possible. She spun her trolley around and jogged to the checkouts, praying that Pauline would take her time deciding between an apple turnover or a custard tart.

Thankfully the checkouts were quiet. Izzy hurriedly began shoving her shopping, she wasn’t even sure what she was buying, onto the conveyor belt. The young lad on the till smiled hello and slowly began scanning the items. She noticed he glanced up at her a couple more times, his mouth pursed as if looking briefly amused at something, as he slid the conveyor belt forwards. Izzy self-consciously rubbed her chin in case she had some crumbs there from the biscuits she’d scoffed on the drive to the shops.

‘Sorry. This one’s not coming up right.’ He pressed a button that lit up a call bell.

‘Do you know what… I’ll just leave them,’ Izzy said, nodding to the box of extra-thick sanitary towels he was dramatically waving in front of the scanner.

‘Ah, you can but it’s buggered up the machine. It’ll take as long to clear them from the system. I still need my line manager’s approval to do that too.’

‘Fine, but can you please hurry up?’

‘Oi! Mike, where’s Dave at?’ the lad shouted across to another young guy working on the checkout in front. He shrugged and also pressed a call bell. Izzy felt the queue of disgruntled shoppers growing behind her. She dared not turn to see if Pauline had joined it.

‘Sorry about this.’

‘It’s fine,’ Izzy said tightly. It wasn’t fine, it was a world away from fine but she was British and in a public place.

‘Having a pj day are we?’ he asked with a smirk.

‘Sorry?’

‘Your pyjamas. I wasn’t sure if it was for some charity thing or…’

She looked down. She was still wearing her fluffy pyjama bottoms, the ones with cartoon sleeping sheep. The man in the queue behind her chuckled. A wave of heat spread across her cheeks.

‘We sometimes have fancy dress days here too…’ he trailed off, taking in the horrified look on Izzy’s face. ‘Ah, great, here’s Dave now.’

He swiftly moved out of the way as the manager leaned across and swiped his card to correct the system. Izzy felt tears pushing at the back of her eyes, keep it together, she willed herself.

‘So, er, do you still want these?’ He nodded to the box of sanitary towels.

‘No.’ Izzy’s throat was tight. ‘No, I don’t.’

‘OK. Cool, so that’s… nine pounds fifteen. Have you got a loyalty card?’

Izzy blinked, trying with all her might to keep herself together. She tapped her debit card on the machine and quickly threw her shopping into her trolley. Mercifully, Evie had slept through the whole thing. She flew out of the shop and over to her car without looking back.

‘Izzy?’ a familiar voice called out.

Izzy debated for a moment whether she could leap into the driver’s seat and accelerate quickly, pretending like she hadn’t seen her but it was too late. Pauline was strolling towards her, waving an arm in the air.

‘I thought that was you!’ Pauline’s smile faltered as she grew closer, taking in Izzy’s sleeping sheep pyjama bottoms.

‘Pauline!’ Izzy said, her voice high-pitched and unrecognisable. ‘I’d love to chat but—’

‘Oh my God.’ Pauline ignored Izzy and zoned in on Evie nestled cosily in the built-in baby seat of the trolley. ‘She is just gorgeous! Well doesn’t she look like her mummy? She’s the spit of you!’ Pauline said in a baby voice. ‘Look at her all wrapped up sleeping like an angel. Is she good?’

‘Some days,’ Izzy said as light-heartedly as she could, pushing her trolley onto the pavement next to her car and opening the boot. If she kept moving then Pauline would realise she didn’t have time to chat. ‘Sleep is for the weak, isn’t that right?’ Izzy joked, chucking her shopping bags in as quickly as possible.

Izzy felt like the only person awake in the whole world most nights. Except for last night, she suddenly remembered. As she’d made her way to the bathroom at some godforsaken hour, her heavy lids had noticed a flickering blue light from her neighbour’s front room. All the other houses in the cul-de-sac were in darkness, even the street lights had been turned off as part of some council initiative to save energy, which only illuminated number thirty-nine’s light even more. The house belonged to the old man, Arthur, the one who she had unwittingly flashed yesterday morning when he’d delivered that parcel. Izzy had never seen anyone else coming or going from his house, so she presumed that he lived alone. She’d thought it was strange for him to be awake at that time; if he was anything like her grandparents had been then he’d be paranoid about the cost of his electricity bill after leaving the television on all night. She’d been so stressed trying to get out of the house that she’d forgotten all about it.

‘It’s nice to see you but we really had better make a move.’

Izzy closed her boot and clapped her hands together but Pauline was oblivious.

‘My Billy would only sleep on his back, that’s what they tell you to do nowadays, isn’t it? But back then everyone put their babies to sleep on their front and…’

I don’t care! Izzy wanted to scream as Pauline tilted her head and took a trip down memory lane. Izzy didn’t care about how her colleague’s son was a thumb-sucker, she was more concerned about what Pauline would say to the rest of the team about how Izzy Carter was falling apart.

‘Mmm hmm…’

‘And then we made the mistake of giving him a blankie. It seemed like a good idea at the time but boy! Talk about a meltdown when he lost it one day in the park.’ Pauline shook her head, lost in some memory.

Izzy smiled politely. By the end of the day everyone in the office would know about her wardrobe malfunction, she’d be the talk of the water cooler. If she couldn’t even dress herself then how was she capable of looking after a baby?! She imagined them laughing. They wouldn’t be able to believe that Izzy, usually so well turned out, was caught shopping in her scruffy pjs in the middle of the day.

‘It’s all just a phase.’ Izzy tried to follow what Pauline was saying and not catastrophise about being office gossip. ‘I remember when my Billy was Evie’s age, when he was really, really young, he would just cry and cry. I thought I was losing the plot.’ She stopped suddenly as if catching herself from saying anything more. ‘It was the hormones, I suspect. Anyway, I’d better get back.’

Without warning, Pauline leaned in for an unexpected hug. Izzy found she held on to her for a second too long. She wanted to go back to the office with her colleague. She wanted clean hair and ironed clothes. She wanted to escape the never-ending routine of feeding, nappy changes, battling for longer naps, and wiping up milky sick.

I can’t do this anymore! A voice roared in Izzy’s head.

She was so close to admitting what she knew she couldn’t admit. Tears pricked her eyes as she forced the truth back down. She just wanted someone to know how she felt, not that anyone would understand. How could you say such a taboo out loud – that you weren’t cut out to be a mother? No one said it was going to be this hard. No one else struggled this much.

‘You take care of yourself, love,’ Pauline said, with a sympathetic head tilt.

Izzy could only bite the inside of her cheek and nod in reply. She watched Pauline walk away and felt her heart fall and spirit crumple. She slammed her boot shut and jumped into the driver’s seat, a fresh wave of embarassment washing over her as she tugged the seatbelt across her, catching sight of her fluffy sheep pyjamas once more. She turned the engine on and thrust the car into reverse, desperate to get back to the safety of her messy house. If she needed proof that she was failing so spectacularly the look on Pauline’s face had said it all. Izzy turned the radio up trying to forget what had just happened. She drove down the main street with Pauline’s sad expression scorched in her mind. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at her like that. The car in front began to brake, Izzy slowed down and looked out of the window, catching sight of two mums pushing their pushchairs and laughing together. What was their secret?

The DJ was playing a dance track from some band she’d never heard of. The song was too loud and upbeat for how she felt. She pinched the bridge of her nose to try and relieve the tension headache that was coming on and turned the radio off. Silence filled the car.

Evie must have fallen back to sleep. Perhaps Izzy would have enough time to unload the shopping before her daughter woke demanding her next feed. She momentarily caught sight of her bloodshot eyes and heavy eye bags in the rear-view mirror. She barely recognised herself, God only knew what Pauline must have thought. It was then that she felt her heart stop. It wasn’t the sight of her haunting face staring back at her that alarmed her but what she could see in the backseat. Evie’s car seat was empty.

‘Shit! Evie!’

Izzy had been so busy fretting about Pauline and what she was going to tell the team that she’d forgotten to lift Evie from the trolley and strap her into the car. She was still in the supermarket car park! Saliva rushed to her mouth, she felt like she’d been slapped. Izzy beeped her horn aggressively hoping someone would let her pull out. But she was trapped in a queue of cars, unable to turn around or even nudge forward. The driver in front stuck two fingers up at her.

‘Hurry up, hurry up!’

Finally there was a break in the traffic. She somehow managed to inch through an extremely tight gap. Her hands shook as she slammed on the indicator and shot around the corner. If she took the next right she could swing back on herself and race into the supermarket car park, although she was forgetting that there were temporary traffic lights on this road.

‘Nooooo!’ She screamed as the lights turned to red just as she approached and a stream of people crossed the road. She was trying to think straight. Should she call someone to check that Evie was still there? Get someone to wait with her? Her shaking fingers dialled Andrew’s number but she hung up before it connected. She would be back at the supermarket in thirty seconds once these lights turned green. What would she even say to him? Sorry, babe, I forgot our baby as I was too preoccupied with being judged by someone I work with.

Izzy tried to control her erratic breathing. Should she call the police? What if the police were already there? What if another shopper had seen an abandoned baby and called them?

The lights finally turned green. Izzy screeched into the Tesco car park. She felt hot and sick and terrified. If something had happened to her baby, if someone had taken her, she—

‘Oh thank God!’

Izzy soared over the speed bumps, she could see the trolley that was partially blocked behind a pillar – exactly where she had left it no more than two minutes ago. Evie was peacefully gazing up at the clouds, still tightly strapped in. Izzy had her seatbelt off and the door flung open within seconds. She scooped Evie out of the trolley baby seat and showered her with kisses, her salty tears falling on her daughter’s milky soft cheeks.

‘I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Mummy’s here.’

It was official. She was the worst mum in the world.

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