About the Author

LUCY KNOTT is a former professional wrestler with a passion for storytelling. Now, instead of telling her stories in the ring, she’s putting pen to paper, fulfilling another lifelong dream in becoming an author.

Lucy is a self-professed hopeless romantic, her husband being the reason behind her desire to write.

Inspired by her Italian grandparents, when she is not writing you will most likely find her cooking, baking and devouring Italian food, in addition to learning Italian and daydreaming of trips to Italy.

Along with her twin sister, Kelly, Lucy runs TheBlossomTwins.com, where she enthusiastically shares her love for books, baking and Italy, with daily posts, reviews and recipes.

You can find Lucy on Twitter @TheBlossomTwins or @LucyCKnott

How to Bake a New Beginning
LUCY KNOTT

Copyright

HQ

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2018

Copyright © Lucy Knott 2018

Lucy Knott asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

E-book Edition © September 2018 ISBN: 9780008282158

Version: 2019-08-29

Table of Contents

Cover

About the Author

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Acknowledgements

Dear Reader

Dear Reader

Keep Reading …

About the Publisher

For Chris.

Chapter 1
Beans on Toast

Ingredients:

Bread

Butter

Heinz baked beans (Always stock up when you go to Target)

What to do:

Toast bread and heat up beans in a saucepan or microwave. (Never tell Amanda you use the microwave.)

Butter toast and drizzle beans over the top. (Doesn’t taste quite like home, but it will do, I suppose. Don’t get sad, you’re living your dream and don’t be ungrateful, the boys are awesome, and you’ve worked so hard to get to this point. Mmm beans, I wonder what Levi is up to? Why does England have to be six hours ahead when you’re spending another night alone and could do with a sister chat? Just eat your beans.)

Sabrina realized that she had been mindlessly shuffling paper for the past fifteen minutes. It was gone five in the afternoon and she needed to go home and pack. Yet, she was sitting at her desk, eyes wide, staring at the mini chandelier that hung from the ceiling. The crystals bounced light off the walls and led to the dreamy state Sabrina found herself in as she daydreamed about the day that Levi first burst into her office.

Why did she always do this to herself? Every Christmas for the past two years she couldn’t get him out of her head. Was she really that lonely? Couldn’t she fantasize about men who weren’t off limits? Better yet, couldn’t she stop fantasizing altogether and venture into the real world and meet a non-rock-star man who wasn’t way out of her league? She huffed to herself as her phone rang, startling her. Seeing that it was her baby sister, Louisa, she put on an enthusiastic smile and answered with the cheeriest hello she could muster.

‘Are you all packed? Do you have everything ready for tomorrow?’ her not-quite-as-cheerful-sounding sister asked abruptly.

Sabrina blinked away the dancing crystals of the chandelier that were starting to give her a headache and went back to shuffling papers as she answered her sister’s questions. ‘Yes, yes, of course, Lou. I have everything organized – you know me, what am I if not organized?’ She felt a twinge of guilt for her white lie, but she didn’t want her sister to worry. Normally, she was the queen of packing, but with the band’s new release approaching and her brain often getting distracted by a certain drummer, she hadn’t quite been herself lately.

‘OK, so you will be on that flight tomorrow?’ Louisa asked, her voice a little imperious.

All Sabrina’s attempts at bubbliness evaporated. She snatched the band’s schedule from the desk and made her way to the door to head to the photocopier room. She was too tired to deal with Louisa’s sceptical, patronizing tone.

‘Lou, please. It’s Grandpa’s ninety-sixth birthday; of course I will be on that flight tomorrow. I am going to be there,’ she said with force. Her heels echoed along the deserted corridor. The cool office interior, bland cream walls and stark white furniture personified elegance and a modern flair in Lydia’s eyes, but at this time in the evening when most of the staff had gone home, it screamed cold to Sabrina. It lacked vibrancy in her mind and could do with some fresh flowers and a pop of colour.

‘Well, I’m just checking. It’s not going to be some glam, flashy party,’ Louisa added, a hardness to her voice that stung Sabrina and caused anger to bubble in her stomach.

‘I know it’s not going to be a bloody glamorous affair and I don’t bloody care. You know how much Nanna and Grandpa mean to me. I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I miss them, and I miss you all and I will be on that plane tomorrow, so please, give it a rest.’ She practically punched the copier to life and let out a frustrated sigh. She was growing tired of her sister’s guilt trips over missing family affairs, especially when Louisa knew how hard she worked, and especially as Louisa knew she was busting her butt for their big sister Amanda’s best friend and not just some random pop act.

Sabrina made a mental note to start adding pictures of the piles of paperwork and late-night sessions to her Instagram, to break up the once in a blue moon flashy press events – maybe this would appease Louisa.

‘We all miss you too and can’t wait to see you,’ Louisa whispered after a minute or two.

Sabrina collected the photocopies and decided to call it a day. She picked up her pace, wanting to get back to her office and get home to pack. It had been months since she had been home and though she felt nervous about leaving her boys, she could do with the break.

‘Look, I’m sorry for getting snappy with you but I’ll be there, and it would be nice if you believed me, for once,’ she said, softer now. As she walked past Lydia’s office she noticed the light was on. It hadn’t been on earlier. She had thought Lydia had gone home for the day. Squinting her eyes and sending a quizzical look through the glass, she noticed Lydia was not alone and her breath caught.

‘Is everything OK, Brina? I’m going to head to bed now – it’s pretty late here,’ Louisa said.

Sabrina tiptoed into her office as quickly and quietly as she could and gently closed the door behind her. She steadied her breath to answer Louisa: ‘Erm, sorry, yes, Lou. I’m fine and gosh, yes, please get some sleep. It’s already morning there. I love you and I’ll text you tomorrow.’

‘OK, love you, Brina,’ Louisa said before putting the phone down.

Sabrina placed her phone in her bag and shook her head. She needed to pull herself together; she was being ridiculous. Tears pricked her eyes as she gathered her belongings and dashed out of her office. Without glancing back at Lydia’s window, she took the lift to the ground floor. When the doors opened she marched to the huge glass doors and swung them open with force, letting the cool LA breeze graze her warm cheeks.

She felt ashamed for her dramatic performance and scolded herself for allowing Lydia to get to her so much, but this had been the final straw. Lydia could boss her around, criticize every move she made and talk down to her all she wanted – it was business; it was work – but to mess with her heart in this way was beyond ruthless.

How could she work for such a horrible woman? It was Lydia who had warned Sabrina to stay clear of dating clients. The company didn’t tolerate it and Sabrina was asked to promise that she would not date any member of San Francisco Beat. This rule, however, had only come into play after Lydia had heard that Levi and Sabrina had got rather close at the band’s album launch party two years ago. Sabrina had never heard of it prior to the event. And Sabrina hadn’t intended to be unprofessional, but it just sort of happened.

Naturally, she had pulled away from Levi, worried about being taken seriously, scared that she would get in trouble, that she was breaking rules. How silly had she been to throw away what she and Levi had – and for what? There hadn’t been any rules then, but now Lydia had gone and created and enforced those stupid rules. And she’d made it abundantly clear that when one of the boys dated it should be with a fellow star – a model, an actress, someone who could raise their profile, someone who was definitely not Sabrina.

She dragged her feet along the sidewalk towards her apartment. How could she have been so naive? Of course, Lydia had only been jealous – she had wanted Levi for herself. Sabrina realized this, but it was too late. The image from moments ago now burned in her brain: Lydia with her arms wrapped around Levi’s neck, falling with him onto the couch in her office.

Sabrina shuddered. She didn’t know what hurt more: the fact that this woman hated her so much or that she had thought Levi had felt the same way she had that night they kissed. Who was she kidding? What guy waited two years for someone? She didn’t live in a fairy tale; this was real life and in real life she had chosen work. She had stomped on the book of love without turning another page, and in doing so had well and truly placed Levi in the friend zone.

She didn’t have a right to be sad. It had worked out well for everyone. The band were doing fantastic and she had progressed tenfold with her job in spite of Lydia. Yet here she was, with another Christmas upon her, daydreaming of Levi. Whether she had the right to or not, she did indeed feel sad. She needed her grandpa’s pizza and she needed it now.

Chapter 2
Grandpa’s Pizza

Ingredients (I’m sure this makes a lot of mini pizzas; need to check on pizza for one?):

10oz yeast

1lb flour

Olive oil

1oz butter

Mug of water

Cheese and sauce

What to do:

Once yeast dough is formed (thank you, Grandpa), roll it out to fit the trays/baking sheets.

Place trays in clear bags (not Tesco bags like Grandpa did once; they will melt) and leave in warm oven until risen.

Once the base has risen, take the trays out of the bags.

Turn the oven on and when ready, cook one side of the base until golden brown.

Flip over and add sauce and cheese like Grandpa does.

Place back in the oven and allow cheese to melt and edges to turn golden.

With a tear in his eye Grandpa reached out and touched Amanda’s arm. He pulled her towards him and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

‘Thank you,’ he said with so much sincerity that Amanda couldn’t stop her eyes from welling up too. She paused for a moment to take in his features. His bright blue eyes glistened, the wrinkles on his round face crinkled up and a small smile developed at the corners of his mouth as he looked at her. If hearts could leap from one’s chest, smile and do happy dances, Amanda was certain that’s what hers would be doing right now. Her chest felt fit to burst, she loved this man so much.

‘Grandpa, grazie. I’m so excited. I think I finally have it all up here now,’ she said, knocking her knuckles against her forehead. She then wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed him tight. ‘Come on, let’s go and sit in the living room and have a break.’

Before they could leave the kitchen, Grandpa did his usual check. Deep down, Amanda knew he didn’t doubt her knowledge in the kitchen, but at the same time she was aware that Grandpa liked being thorough. He loved teaching her and repeating the steps to every recipe numerous times and she loved learning from him and could listen to those steps every time he repeated them.

‘It will take about …’ Grandpa started.

‘… an hour,’ Amanda finished. Both were looking at the oven door.

‘Ah, you know.’ Grandpa’s face lit up as he said this. He nodded and walked in the direction of the front room to join the others. He had his arms outstretched, touching the walls as he walked. They were his guide now; he didn’t quite trust his failing eyesight. His shoulders were hunched from years bent over the kitchen counters and his legs wobbled delicately with each step he took.

Amanda puffed out her chest. She loved the feeling of making her grandpa proud. Then she subtly walked behind him, his shaking legs making her anxious that he would fall. They had been in the kitchen for the better part of an hour, making pizza dough. At ninety-five years old that was no mean feat. You still couldn’t get him out of the kitchen when he had his heart set on cooking. These days, however, he knew when to stop and rest, when his legs couldn’t take his weight much longer and no amount of his determination and strong will could hold off the aches and pains.

Grandpa went to sit down beside his youngest granddaughter – Amanda’s baby sister, Louisa – on the soft grey couch. Louisa placed a hand on the small of Grandpa’s back, guiding him down, aiding him with his balance as his old knees did their best to bend. Then she scooted up to give him some space and make sure he was comfy.

Amanda made for the little blue chair in front of the fireplace. This had been the girls’ favourite spot to perch when they were kids. In the cold months, they would run in from school, drop their schoolbags at the foot of the stairs and race to the living room, ready to fight for the chair. With their arms outstretched over the flames they would try to capture the heat, as Grandpa shouted, ‘Careful not to roast,’ with a chuckle. They would tell their nonni about their day and what they had been up to while taking it in turns to sit on the chair, indulging in soft, buttery Bauli cakes as crumbs sprinkled the carpet.

Things hadn’t changed much, except these days Amanda had to position herself more carefully in the chair. When she looked up she caught sight of Louisa who was grinning, her brown eyes looking from the chair to Amanda. They weren’t kids any more. The precise movement – a twist of the hips and a gentle shuffle to avoid getting stuck between the armrests – was certainly a sight to behold. She couldn’t help but reciprocate Louisa’s grin. She would not get stuck today; she’d mastered this by now.

‘Grandpa, would you like a biscuit?’ Louisa asked, picking up the tin and offering it to him.

‘Just one?’ he questioned, making both girls laugh. Amanda watched him tuck into his chocolate biscotti. Tears threatened her eyes again as she replayed his ‘thank you’ in her mind. Though Grandpa could be impatient at the best of times, his passion for cooking knew no bounds and it was getting harder for Nanna to help him in the kitchen.

The girls’ mum would often tell him that he couldn’t start whipping up things left and right and then leaving it for Nanna to finish and clean up. Mum would have to explain to him that Nanna was getting old too. This frustrated Grandpa. He would get bossy and occasionally snap when the girls tried to help him.

Today, hearing him say ‘thank you’ after Amanda had helped him mix up the pizza dough and prep it to rise in the oven had melted her heart. Not only because in that moment he seemed to acknowledge his sometimes-bad moods and apologize for them, but also because she couldn’t imagine not being able to cook whenever she wanted. She understood his need to be in the kitchen; after all, he had passed on that same passion to her. She knew how important cooking was to him. His ‘thank you’ had been filled with gratitude – all because of the simple act of being there for him, allowing him to do what he loved.

‘One for Amanda too,’ Nanna said to Louisa, pointing at the gold tin of biscuits on the coffee table. Tins of biscuits were a permanent fixture in the living room. ‘Mangia, mangia,’ Nanna continued, as she turned to look at Amanda.

‘I am, Nanna, I am, look,’ Amanda replied, her nanna’s voice snapping her out of her thoughts. She stood up out of the chair, with a ninja-like swivel of her hips, so they wouldn’t get caught under the tiny armrests, and took a biscuit from the tin. She smiled at her nanna and stuffed the whole thing in her mouth.

‘You’re a cheeky girl,’ Nanna said, with a tut and a shake of her head.

Amanda took another biscuit and bent down to kiss her nanna on the forehead. ‘I love you,’ she said, with a mouthful of amaretti.

‘God bless you,’ Nanna replied, her voice wobbling slightly. ‘Grazie, grazie for helping Grandpa.’

Amanda leant down and kissed the top of her forehead once more, her nanna’s rose scent filling her heart with contentment.

‘What time is it?’ Grandpa asked, squinting through his round glasses, to see the clock above the fireplace better.

‘Nearly time, Grandpa,’ Louisa answered. Both sisters knew all too well why he was asking. Amanda and Louisa’s sister, Sabrina, was due any minute and Grandpa had spent the better part of the morning looking at the clock. It had been a while since he’d had all three of his granddaughters together. His excitement was clear from the sparkle in his eyes.

‘Ahh, I ask you too many times,’ Grandpa said, shrugging his shoulders and placing his hand on top of Louisa’s biscuit-free hand.

‘No, no, it’s OK, Grandpa – we’re excited too. We understand,’ Louisa replied, chewing a crunchy Pirouette thoughtfully.

‘But what more is there for me to think about?’ he continued, turning to face Louisa.

Amanda smiled, knowing this action meant Grandpa was about to impart some wisdom.

‘At my age, what is more important than family? What do I have to think about? To make sure they are fed, me and Nanna have food for them. I must think about you girls being safe. Your mamma, yes, she looks after you and well, yes, your daddy can provide for you, but me and Nanna, we can only do so much. We can help too. We are always thinking like you are our own daughters.’

Her grandpa’s broken English made Amanda’s heart soar. The girls were fluent in Italian, but they often alternated between the two languages when speaking with their nonni. It helped them all: the girls to keep their Italian fresh and their nonni to understand English better for when they needed to speak with English family and friends.

At that moment, the doorbell rang. Both girls looked at each other with Cheshire-cat-like grins. Louisa sprang up from her seat. Amanda stood up, less frantic. Both Nanna and Grandpa sat upright, their eyes shining like they had just won the lottery.

‘She’s here,’ squealed Louisa, gently shoving Amanda out of the way and racing to the door. ‘I’ll get it.’

Amanda merely chuckled and walked behind, allowing her little sister to take the lead. Louisa often got angry with Sabrina for moving away to LA and leaving everyone behind, but it never changed how excited she got when Sabrina came home. Amanda, on the other hand, was a little more reserved. She was pleased her sister had followed her dreams and over the moon that Dan and his band were in good hands, but there remained a part of her that stubbornly missed Sabrina and was mad with her for being so far away too.

‘The eagle has landed,’ Mum reported as she came through the front door first, arms loaded with birthday balloons and cards, having just picked up ‘the eagle’ from the airport. ‘Safe and sound – she’s home,’ Mum said. Her eyes shone as she kissed Amanda and Louisa, as they passed each other in the corridor. Mum continued to the living room to say hello to her parents, as Amanda walked leisurely outside, and Louisa practically flew.

Like a local celebrity, Sabrina, the middle child, was standing in the middle of the path, between the cherry trees and the fence. Her sandy blonde hair was blowing in the breeze and she had clearly picked up an LA tan. Amanda noticed her bronzed skin glowing under the soft British sun, as Sabrina waved and said hi to the neighbours.

‘All right, Jennifer Lawrence, it’s only been an entire year – we all haven’t missed you that much,’ Amanda shouted into the street, from her position leaning casually against the doorframe.

Sabrina turned to face them at the same time Louisa leapt outside and nearly bowled her sister over with a hug.

‘I’ve missed you, Brina,’ Louisa said, sweetly, as Sabrina gasped for air, Louisa’s hug choking her. Amanda looked on in amusement.

‘I’ve missed you too, Lou. It’s good to see you. It feels good to breathe in this British air.’ Sabrina took a big breath in, as Louisa let her go, and then she let out a deep sigh. Amanda knew she loved parts of her life in LA, but it comforted her to know that it hadn’t stolen her sister just yet. Watching her hazel eyes soften as she took in the surroundings, she could tell Sabrina was happy to be back and that nothing compared to home.

‘You look exhausted. So, what presents did you bring back?’ Amanda asked, leaving her position by the front door and wandering over to join the party.

‘Always so kind with the compliments, aren’t we? I might have gifts for you, but I’ll be needing a hug first,’ Sabrina said, and waved her arms in the air, dramatically motioning for a hug, while giving her big sister her best puppy dog impression.

‘That we are, and it better be an awesome gift. I can’t just be giving away free hugs,’ Amanda said, rolling her eyes and stepping forward to hug her sister.

‘Come on, Brina, Nanna and Grandpa are so excited to see you. You know what Grandpa’s like – he hasn’t stopped asking about you all day. Plus, we’ve held off with the birthday celebrations till you got here,’ Louisa said, grabbing her sister by the arm and pulling her towards the house. Amanda strolled calmly behind them. Though she didn’t quite display her emotions on her sleeve like Louisa did, there was no hiding the bright smile that was now etched on Amanda’s face.

***

The dining room was full of colour. Red, green and white balloons were bunched up – dangling from the doorframes and curtains – and wrapping paper had been strewn across the table, as had bags of pasta and vibrant Italian cake boxes.

Sabrina’s eyes drifted round the table. She took in everyone’s features, everyone’s movements: her mother’s chocolate eyes sparkled with pure delight; Dad had his hands resting on his stomach as he leant back in his chair, stuffed and happy from all the food; Grandpa’s eyes twinkled; Nanna’s smile reached all the way to her ears, making her look twenty-one and carefree again; Amanda’s green eyes focused intently on the food in front of her and Louisa simply watched her grandpa, making sure he had everything he needed.

Everyone talked over one another, laughing uncontrollably in between devouring each piece of pizza quicker than the speed of light. In that moment, she felt content, like there truly was no place on earth she would rather be. All the stress and drama of work melted away like the mouth-watering mozzarella she was chewing; it was heaven on earth.

‘Grandpa, I sure have missed this,’ she said, holding her piece of pizza in the air, like it was a trophy.

‘You can get pizza in America, no?’ Grandpa replied with a cheeky grin.

‘Ha, you know as well as I do, Grandpa, that no pizza on the planet tastes as good as this. No one will ever be able to make it taste as amazing as you do,’ Amanda said.

Sabrina loved the passion her sister had for their grandpa’s food. It made her laugh hearing Amanda’s voice rise with pride when talking about his pizza.

‘It’s crisp, yet chewy, with the perfect amount of crunch, and it’s as light as air,’ her big sister continued.

Sabrina watched as Grandpa’s gaze met Amanda’s and he gave her a small wink. They were like two peas in a pod.

‘Hear, hear,’ Sabrina chanted, raising her wineglass now that her pizza had been demolished. She felt dizzy on love and Lambrusco, but her eyes threatened to roll back in her head. Amanda had been right: she not only looked exhausted, she absolutely felt it too. Her bones were heavy, her neck tight. She rolled her head from side to side, hoping it would loosen up.

‘It’s good to have you home, sweetheart,’ Dad said, raising his glass and clinking it against hers.

‘It feels great to be home, Dad.’ Sabrina smiled softly. It really did feel wonderful to be home. Her shoulders relaxed at the thought of not having to deal with her wouldn’t go amiss in a Disney villain line-up, Cruella de Vil of a boss, Lydia, for the next few days.

The warmth of the room and the bubbles from the Lambrusco made her feel a world away from LA. Tonight she was surrounded by the people she loved more than she could say, and who genuinely loved and cared for her. ‘Buon compleanno, Grandpa,’ she shouted, raising her glass to the room once more. Seeing her grandpa’s face light up would keep jet lag at bay for a while longer.

‘Mamma mia, grazie, grazie. How many girls have I got here now?’ Grandpa said. His voice filled the small dining room, his happiness radiating to each of them.

‘Buon compleanno,’ Nanna shouted, clapping her hands together. ‘Louisa, get the pandoro. Come on, come on.’ Nanna too was thrilled to have all her girls round the table together. Any time this happened was cause for cake and celebrations, but when it came to birthdays and special times like Christmas, Nanna looked like a child, her face etched with glee. She looked to her husband and whispered, ‘Buon compleanno, my dear,’ before cutting a huge slice of pandoro and placing it in front of him. She then went back to cutting more big chunks of cake and passed everyone a piece. ‘Be happy, happy,’ Nanna continued. ‘Ahh grazie, God.’

Sabrina wasn’t sure her stomach could handle the mountain of pandoro in front of her, after eating so much pizza and drinking a fair bit of wine, in addition to jet lag that had now kicked in, but it smelt so buttery and delicious and Nanna was staring at her expectantly. Not eating it was not an option – it was never an option. Plus, she was only in town for a week. She had to eat all her favourites while she could get them, and it was Grandpa’s ninety-sixth birthday after all.

With these thoughts sloshing round her brain, she laughed to herself and took a huge bite. No sooner had the vanilla flavour hit her taste buds than her slice had gone. So much for not having any room left.

‘Grazie, Nanna,’ she whispered, with a chuckle.

Chapter 3
Grandpa’s Pancakes

Ingredients:

Flour

Sugar

Egg

Milk

Butter

Nutella

What to do:

Mix around 4 tablespoons of flour with 2 teaspoons of sugar, an egg and a cup of milk, until smooth.

Heat up a saucepan and add a dab of butter.

Pour in a ladle full of pancake batter and swirl round like Grandpa does.

You will know when one side is done because small bubbles will form. Flip it over and cook the other side.

Smother in Nutella.

The birds were chirping in the garden. The whistles of the wintry winds could be heard through the glass. There was a peacefulness to a Sunday morning that Amanda couldn’t get enough of. It was her one full day away from work and that meant she was up at the crack of dawn ready for a day of spending time with family, catching up on reading, cleaning and actually getting to experiment in her own kitchen. Though she had taken yesterday off too – for the first time in a very long time – Sundays always felt special and she liked to make the most of them.

‘Rise and shine, sleeping beauties,’ Amanda said walking into her guest bedroom and opening the silk pink curtains wide, to let the morning sunshine boldly fill up the room.

‘Oh gosh, what time is it?’ Louisa whined, pulling her pillow over her face. She was lying next to Sabrina in the double bed.

Sabrina threw her arms up to shield against the imposing light. ‘Jet lag is a thing, Amanda – look it up. I need rest,’ she said, her eyes still firmly shut.

‘There’s no time for rest. You’re only here for a week. I told Grandpa we would pop over for leftover cake before we hit the shops. And I don’t get much time away from the kitchen, which means we won’t get much time this week to do said shopping, so, we are going to make the most of today,’ Amanda told them, cracking open a window to wake them up with fresh air, which received further moans.

‘Chop, chop. You too, Lou. With our work schedules we rarely see each other and you live fifteen minutes away from me – and that’s a bit pathetic,’ she added, with an edge to her voice that made Louisa sit up straight. Amanda wasn’t exactly blaming Louisa, she was mad at herself too. The schedule of a chef wasn’t for the faint-hearted.

Amanda busied herself with her routine Sunday morning cleaning while waiting for her sisters to get ready. She was halfway through dusting the window ledges when they appeared before her, surprisingly fully dressed and ready for the day. Amanda was the early bird out of the three of them. She did enjoy a lie-in every couple of months, but just like her grandpa, she always had something to bake. Cooking in the morning while still in her pyjamas had become a little piece of bliss for her.

Sundays were usually Sabrina’s only day off in LA. Amanda was aware of this fact, and knew Sabrina liked to sleep in, but she would have plenty of time for that on her vacation in the coming weekdays when everyone else was working. As for Louisa, an extra hour and grumpy would be kept at bay, but once they were at Nanna and Grandpa’s, Amanda knew her baby sister would be anything but grumpy. Nonni were special like that. Amanda just had to get her up and moving.

The clock had just moved past eight-thirty as Amanda, casually glam and put together in her black pinstriped trousers and oversized rose embroidered grey jumper; Sabrina in her usual floaty dress and tights ensemble, minimal make-up yet as gorgeous as ever; and Louisa with her sleek black blazer, skinny blue jeans and white Converse pumps, stepped out into the crisp December air, giant teddy bear coats covering their individual fashion tastes.

Growing up, the three of them were chained together at the hip and that’s how they thought it would forever be, but dreams and jobs had led them in different directions. Amanda and Louisa hadn’t been too fond of Sabrina leaving them and jetting off to LA. They had disapproved at first and it had taken a lot of convincing on Sabrina’s part that it wouldn’t be for too long and that she still honoured their pact – this pact being that by the time they all reached thirty they would have houses on the same street, a five-minute walk from their mum and dad.

Slowly the girls began to understand Sabrina’s dream and had come around to being supportive. Amanda of all people knew the importance of travelling, having spent so much time away herself. It was always temporary though, and her heart always led her back home.

The girls made time to visit each other as often as work would allow. This week it was Amanda’s turn to play host and she couldn’t have been more thrilled. The strain of jobs, and the fact it had been a year since Sabrina’s last visit, had been causing an unwelcome tension over the past few months. Amanda didn’t care for being snappy, but at times she was aware that she could be. It wasn’t a trait she wanted to exude. She hoped today she and her sisters could get some much-needed girl time for the sake of their sanity.

Amanda, the oldest of the girls, was baking and cooking up a storm by the age of eight. Though all the girls enjoyed cooking with their nonni, Amanda had taken to it like a duck to water, and it was very rare to see her out of her ‘I can’t keep calm, I’m Italian’ apron. The days spent in the kitchen studying their nanna and grandpa were priceless and her passion never faltered when she left their house.

At twenty-seven, Amanda was now a fully certified chef. She had qualifications, certificates and diplomas in professional patisserie, culinary arts – you name it. She had travelled the world taking numerous courses and immersing herself in different cultures and their cuisines. That was until three years ago. After a month exploring San Francisco, she had come back feeling inspired and full of vigour and decided to put her travel plans on hold. She wanted to focus on learning all there was to know about running a restaurant. She found herself a cosy spot in Manchester Piccadilly, at the popular Rusk, where she served British food with an elegant twist.

Amanda had been there two and a half years now and besides having to deal with a rather sleazy sous chef, she was happy, or more accurately, she was comfortable. It suited her. After her years spent travelling, she liked being close to her mum and dad, Louisa and home comforts.

When it was Amanda’s turn to have the girls over, they knew they were in for a few tasty treats. All Sabrina ever wanted when she came home from LA was Grandpa’s pizza. She requested it every night, and as for Louisa, she could never say no to pizza. After a brief stint away in London for university, her baby sister appreciated Amanda’s home cooking that much more.

Amanda had doubled over laughing when Louisa had expressed sheer horror at the foods she saw her fellow students eat. It seemed their nonni and Amanda had created a little bit of a food snob in Louisa – no microwave meals or Pot Noodles for her.

***

Grandpa was waiting in the garden perched on an old brown garden bench, in his heavy black padded coat, when the girls pulled up.

‘Grandpa,’ Louisa shouted, un-clicking her seatbelt and opening the car door before Amanda even had the car in park.

‘Lou,’ Sabrina yelled. But Louisa was blissfully unaware of giving her sisters a mild panic attack as she wrapped her arms around their grandpa. Amanda turned off the engine. Seeing the joy on her grandpa’s face, now that all three of his granddaughters were with him, melted away any twinge of annoyance at her little sister.

She walked over to Grandpa and kissed his forehead. ‘I love you,’ she whispered.

‘Anche io,’ he replied, kissing her cheek.

Sabrina opened the front door, calling to Nanna to inform her of their arrival as Amanda and Louisa helped Grandpa up.

‘Now, let’s get inside for some coffee and cake and to warm you up,’ Amanda suggested.

***

The afternoon brought with it an icy nip. Amanda rubbed at the sleeves of her grey jumper. Shopping with a puffy jacket on was never a good idea. Being hot and stuffy while trying to weave in and out of bustling crowds and undressing in a tiny changing room with a million layers on never produced a successful shop and so she had left her teddy coat in the car. However, the jumper she was currently sporting was not ideal when the breeze picked up, causing Amanda to shiver. The only thing keeping her from aborting the shopping mission was a happy stomach full to the brim with Cantuccini and birthday trifle.

Amanda let out a deep sigh as Louisa linked an arm through hers, warming her up slightly. She felt a little lighter, and colder, than she had done in days; no doubt the pure happiness she felt spending the weekend with her family, and Sabrina being home, had everything to do with that. She navigated the crowds with Sabrina to her left and Louisa clutching on to her right.

Manchester was jam-packed, the Christmas Markets in full swing. The giant Santa proudly sat on display front and centre. Amanda was taking it in, enjoying the freedom of having a weekend off. She had no Jeff to contend with and no hot and tense kitchen to see to. As much as she loved her job, a weekend off every so often was rather wonderful. If she just had Dan here with her too, it would be perfect.

***

Dan carefully placed a cup in Amanda’s hands, his own hands then wrapping around hers, so she didn’t drop it. She had her eyes closed and a bright smile on her face. The tip of her nose was red from the frosty night air.

‘OK, take a sip, but be careful – it will be hot,’ Dan said, his warm hands guiding the cup to her lips.

Amanda felt something cold touch her lips first. She licked them, and the delicious taste of vanilla whipped cream danced on her taste buds. She knew it was a hot chocolate of some kind, but she didn’t want to spoil the fun just yet, and Dan was smarter than that – he knew not to make it that easy.

She blew in the direction of the cold whipped cream and slurped to get past it. She could taste a rich coffee, with a smooth blend of chocolate and something she couldn’t put her finger on. Damn it, she thought, her pride not wanting to let Dan win.

‘Any guesses?’ Dan asked. He still hadn’t removed his hands from on top of hers. Though Amanda kept her eyes closed, she knew he was smirking. Her brain tried to come up with the right answer. She took another sip, stalling for more time, but she could not place the mystery ingredient.

‘Ooh should we have Nutella crepes next?’ she said, to change the subject.

‘You have no idea what it is, do you?’ Dan questioned as she opened her eyes and looked down at the cup. ‘You are a cheat,’ he added, removing his hands from around hers and placing them in his coat pockets.

Amanda blinked a few times to ease the glare of the lights. ‘No, I’m just hungry for crepes,’ she teased, shaking her head at Dan’s mock disappointed look.

‘You call yourself my best friend and you can’t even recognize eggnog,’ Dan scoffed, a playful grin playing at his lips. Dan liked his eggnog because he loved all things Christmas. Amanda knew this, but still, she never would have guessed eggnog.

‘I said eggnog,’ she noted, batting her eyelashes and taking another sip. Dan laughed and put an arm around her shoulders and started walking in the direction of the crepes.

The Manchester Christmas Markets felt magical this year, having Dan by her side. He loved the food huts the best, just like Amanda did, but he also enjoyed the details and craftsmanship of the many homemade gift stands. He was an artist through and through.

Amanda’s toes were numb by the time they headed for home. She hadn’t been able to get Dan away. They had to see every stall, drink another chocolate eggnog – the man was obsessed – and explore every nook and cranny of Manchester city centre before he agreed that the toastiness of Amanda’s house was calling his name too. It was safe to say Dan liked the place, Amanda thought to herself as they walked arm in arm, and for some reason that made her feel good.

***

Amanda cleared her throat and shook her head, angry with herself for letting Dan seep into her thoughts. She had been doing so well to keep phone calls and texts to just once or twice a week over the past few months. She wasn’t about to let the romance of Christmas ruin her efforts of keeping thoughts of her best friend just that, simply thoughts of a best friend and nothing more.

‘Ooh, that’s gorgeous,’ Louisa said, pointing at a piece of clothing that looked more suitable to adorn an art gallery wall than an actual person.

‘If you say so,’ Amanda said, sarcasm dripping from her tongue. She laughed, glad of the distraction when Louisa hit her with her handbag.

‘Can we go in?’ Sabrina asked, eyeing the sales sign. ‘I bet they’ve got tons of dresses on sale now that summer is over,’ she added, excitement in her voice.

Amanda was about to tell her that she needed to stock up on warmer clothes now she was in England, then it hit her that it wouldn’t be long and Sabrina would be back in LA, no doubt needing a floaty dress for every day of the week. ‘Lead the way,’ she said instead, with a forced smile.

Amanda absent-mindedly flicked through the dress racks. It wasn’t that she disliked shopping, she quite enjoyed it. Though she didn’t have Louisa’s flair or guts for exquisite pieces or Sabrina’s penchant for floaty ensembles, she knew a knockout dress when she saw one. Her work outfits weren’t much to be desired, so she enjoyed making an effort when she was out of the kitchen, but effort for her still had to be comfy. She was a boots and pants kind of girl and couldn’t say no to an oversized slouchy jumper.

No, it wasn’t that she disliked shopping, it was more that she kept getting the itch to pick up her phone. As they weaved in and out of the racks, it was like a battle was going on in her brain. She was starting to get on her own nerves, with this whole inability to live without Dan. When had she become so dependent? She needed to get lost in a book or some music or something because shopping clearly wasn’t doing the trick. Then again books and music would be pointless too, she realized. Why did he have to like all the same books she did? And why did Dan have to be a bloody rock star?

‘Are you OK over there?’ Sabrina asked, peeking at Amanda from over a rail. ‘You look like you’re trying to solve an algebra equation in that brain of yours and we know maths isn’t your strong suit,’ Sabrina added with a laugh.

Amanda hastily looked down and focused on the dresses before her, spotting one she knew Sabrina would adore. She grabbed it and held it up, which immediately changed the subject.

‘Oh, that’s beautiful,’ Sabrina gushed, moving in to claim it.

‘Wow, that’s perfect for you,’ Louisa said, surveying the peach floral number and giving it her approval. ‘Good job, Amanda.’

***

A few hours later, weighed down with bags of clothing, they walked through Amanda’s front door. They deposited their bags in their bedrooms and made quick work of getting into their comfiest PJs. Then Amanda set about making snacks as Sabrina and Louisa got the DVDs ready in the living room. Within the hour they were settled quite comfortably in their favourite spots.

Amanda lay sprawled out across the single couch, her legs stretched out over the armrest. Louisa made herself cosy on the three-seater couch and Sabrina had taken blankets and cushions to the floor of the white, blush and gold washed living room. It was warm and snug and much to Sabrina’s delight there was pizza and an array of Italian cakes at arm’s reach and What’s Your Number? was playing on the TV. This had been their go-to movie for the past five years and these moments were what the girls lived for. Family was everything to them.

‘Could you get any dreamier than Chris Evans?’ Louisa sighed. Her eyes were glazing over with every word Chris Evans spoke.

‘Hmm, I’m more a Harry Styles circa 2015 girl myself,’ Amanda replied matter-of-fact, pulling her legs back over the armrest and tucking them under the blanket she had draped over her middle.

‘Ooh, tattoos and a man bun,’ Sabrina teased, grabbing another slice of pizza.

‘He kind of looks like Dan,’ Louisa piped up, causing Amanda to shove the whole slice of pizza into her mouth.

Sabrina noticed Amanda’s jaw tense. Something was up because Dan was usually more of a happy topic of conversation, apart from when Sabrina and Louisa pestered Amanda about her feelings for him and whether she liked him more than just as a friendly companion. Louisa hadn’t suggested anything of the sort tonight, just that Dan resembled Harry Styles, albeit a slightly more broad and bearded version of Harry Styles, but tattooed and luscious hair all the same, with a chiselled jaw and piercing eyes. But at that suggestion Amanda’s whole body had closed off.

For a while a calm silence enveloped the living room as the girls dug in to pizza and helpings of sfogliatelle, while gazing at the TV screen, as though it had them hypnotized. Chris Evans could have that effect on a person.

Amanda broke the silence. With her eyes firmly fixed on Chris Evans, she asked the question that Sabrina knew was burning on her lips. Amanda asked her every time she saw her, but this time it had taken her two whole days to bring it up and Sabrina wasn’t sure why.

‘Speaking of Dan, how’s he doing these days? And can we invite Chris Evans round for tea? Have you not bumped into him yet, Brina? Really you need to get on that. You can’t be all high-profile LA, getting into all these hip places and not have arranged some sort of meet-up for your dear, sweet sisters with all these gorgeous men.’ Her voice came out in a rush as she tried not to linger on the Dan question, clearly wanting to keep it more as a flyaway query.

Sabrina knew her sister too well. Something was definitely going on in that head of hers.

Sabrina fell about laughing. ‘I wish I could snap my fingers and make that happen. Jeez, Amanda, if I could do that, do you not think I would have done it already? And your darling Dan is doing fine – his usual focused self,’ Sabrina said, her voice softening. She kept her gaze on Amanda, but Amanda chose not to meet it and kept her own firmly on the TV.

Dan was Amanda’s best friend and lead singer of San Francisco Beat – music’s hottest act – and, thanks to Amanda, Sabrina was their manager. Sabrina hadn’t been able to believe her luck when Amanda had sent them her way two and a half years ago. In addition to Dan, there was bassist Dylan, who was the shy type with a sweet nature; guitarist James, who had a penchant for telling jokes and never took anything too seriously; and finally you had Levi, exceptional drummer and heartthrob to many across the world.

Levi was one to keep an eye on; though an absolute sweetheart, his charm, undeniable good looks and five-star flirting abilities could often lead to trouble. Sabrina had assured Amanda that she would be professional and always do right by the boys. Sabrina had been their big break, but they had also been her saving grace and she wasn’t about to screw it up. But there were times when keeping things professional was exhausting.

She enjoyed the banter between her and Levi and his playful nature so much. She found that with him she gave as good as she got. Sabrina hadn’t told her sisters about the night she and Levi had kissed. She had worried that it would further cement Louisa’s theory that her life was perfect. Though she ultimately knew her baby sister would be happy for her, she hadn’t wanted to add to her ammo for teasing her.

Furthermore, after Amanda’s last break-up Sabrina was all about encouraging Amanda to face her fears and not be afraid of love. Sabrina hadn’t wanted to confide in her big sister that she had run from Levi and her own feelings like a coward. It would set a bad example.

‘You do realize I have been in the country for over twenty-four hours and you are just asking me that question now. Is everything OK?’ Sabrina asked, Amanda’s fast-talking and intense gaze not going unnoticed.

‘Oh no, you haven’t broken up, have you?’ Louisa chimed in, picking at a piece of sfogliatelle they had brought back from the Christmas Markets. Sabrina cringed, wishing Louisa could read Amanda’s body language as well as she could. There were times to approach this subject with Amanda and tonight was not one of those times.

Amanda’s eyes grew narrow. ‘How many times do I have to tell you, Lou? You can’t break up with someone you’re not dating!’ Amanda said, her tone unfriendly. She rested her head back on her cushion and closed her eyes tight for a few moments.

‘Well how many times do we have to tell you, Amanda? You can’t just be friends with your soulmate,’ Louisa replied copying Amanda’s sarcastic and mean tone while using air quotes at the mention of ‘friends’.

‘Whatever, Lou. Everything’s fine – just wondered that’s all. The question slipped my mind for a few days, no big deal. You actually get to see him every day, so I just thought I’d check in as per usual, make sure he’s not giving you a hard time,’ Amanda said, absent-mindedly picking at a piece of basil on the top of her fifth pizza slice.

‘You know as well as I do that Dan couldn’t give anyone a hard time. He’s awesome, Amanda. I love working with them. The past two and a half years have been incredible,’ Sabrina said, eyeing up her sister, deciding whether she could push this topic further tonight and figure out what was bothering her.

Louisa had no filter when it came to pushing Amanda’s buttons about Dan, whereas Sabrina tried to be more tactful. Over the years, both she and Louisa had asked on many occasions why Amanda and Dan weren’t a couple. Neither the naive nor tactful approach had been very successful. The first year or two Amanda seemed perplexed by this question, genuinely confused as to how they could ask such a thing, so they had backed off. Amanda was happy, focused and more herself than they had ever seen her, and Sabrina and Louisa had concluded that whatever their relationship status was, they should just let it be – if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.

Gradually, though, Sabrina could see a flicker of sadness in Amanda’s eyes when she talked about Dan. After hours on the phone you could sense that she missed him and longed for more. Dan always asked about Amanda; in fact it had become routine. Whenever he entered Sabrina’s office he greeted her with a cheery hello and ‘How’s Amanda?’ before settling in to talk about work. Of course, Amanda did the very same with every Skype call or visit, always asking about Dan. It was frustrating and rather baffling to Sabrina that they couldn’t see what was in front of them, but she had faith that it would work out if it was meant to be.

‘Good to know,’ came Amanda’s response before she dug her spoon into the Nutella jar and took a huge scoop. Putting it to her mouth, she grinned at her sisters, clearly indicating she didn’t want to continue talking about Dan and most definitely looking like some sort of crazy chocolate fiend. Sabrina got the message and settled back against her pillow and blanket fort.

‘Speaking of working, do you actually get much work done when Levi’s around?’ Louisa asked Sabrina, her face creasing into a coy grin.

‘You sure are on a roll tonight with these questions, aren’t you?’ Sabrina said, grabbing a pillow and launching it at her little sister. ‘Right, no more boy talk unless we are talking about the American dream; plus, I don’t think I’m Levi’s type.’ She shrugged.

‘Aha, so you admit to liking him?’ Louisa said bouncing up off the couch.

Sabrina couldn’t help smiling at her. Louisa wanted everyone to be happy. She loved love and believed in it with all her heart. It was incredibly endearing, if not a little annoying at times like this. Sabrina knew she should tell her sisters about her and Levi, but there was that niggling fear in the back of her mind. She didn’t want to be a hypocrite where Amanda was concerned, and she didn’t want Louisa to slip up and expose her feelings to Levi. Her baby sister could be sneaky like that; love was simple in Louisa’s eyes.

‘I didn’t say that – I just said that I don’t think I’m his type anyway,’ Sabrina replied, reaching for the Nutella jar before flashbacks of Levi and Lydia appeared in her mind from the night before she left LA.

‘You two are unbelievable,’ Louisa shouted as she made a huge deal of standing up on the couch. ‘You know I’m not so sure either of you would remember to invite me to the meet and greet should you ever stumble upon Captain America himself.’ Louisa was staring off into the distance, waving her arms around, bouncing from one sofa cushion to the next. She was now practically performing some sort of lonely, depressing monologue as though she had just taken centre stage.

‘I think you may have even secretly already met him and failed to mention it to me, because you both love secrets and don’t like telling me anything. If I had boys like Dan and Levi in my midst I sure wouldn’t play all these games,’ she said, exasperated and now staring her sisters down. ‘Sabrina, you have an amazing job, where you get to go to all these fancy parties and rub elbows with celebrities galore. You’re kicking arse with the world’s hottest rock band and you are beautiful. If you like Levi, go for it and tell him. Then, not only will you have a glamorous, perfect job, but you will also get to go home to a rock god who’s good with his hands. What more could you possibly want?’

‘Louisa!!!!’ Sabrina shouted, gobsmacked and embarrassed by her little sister’s choice of words, but Louisa wasn’t done yet.

‘And, you.’ Louisa pointed at Amanda, whose eyes were slightly narrowed, with a hint of a smirk playing at her lips, her head tilted to one side, gently warning Louisa to tread carefully, but Louisa wasn’t fazed. ‘Dan isn’t like your ex – aliens in outer space can see that – and if you are speaking the honest to goodness truth when you tell us that you don’t see him as anything more than a friend, then you need to start dating again … properly – no one-night stands, no too busy with work, no excuses, because what, or more importantly, who are you waiting for?’

Louisa finished and sat back down on the couch. Sabrina looked at her not quite knowing what to say. Amanda brushed a hand through her long wavy brown mane. Her eyes were still squinted, like she was thinking. There was a tension in the room that hadn’t been there mere minutes ago. The girls were typical siblings and rows and arguments broke out occasionally.

Sabrina could feel the heat from Louisa. It seemed something had irked her, maybe something at work, maybe a boy, or maybe she really was on to something. It made Sabrina feel silly. She was supposed to be the older sister offering advice to Louisa, but she didn’t have a clue what she was doing with Levi; furthermore, she felt slightly irritated that Louisa always thought it so simple. And, had Louisa not piped up again about how glamorous Sabrina’s life was, maybe Sabrina would have chosen to do what she always did and keep the conversation light and playful, but she was getting a bit fed up.

The tension lingered over the room for a few moments before Sabrina spoke up. ‘My life is far from glamorous, Lou. I wish you would stop saying that.’ Sabrina played with a tassel on the corner of the cushion she was holding. ‘I worked bloody hard to get where I am now, and even that took luck and a whole lot of help from Amanda. I deal with criticism and a fire-breathing dragon of a boss every day. The parties are rare and even they come with a barrel of paperwork and stress. I know I’m lucky, but it’s not for lack of work.’ Sabrina didn’t want to sound harsh, but she needed her baby sister to lay off on the comments about her unbelievably flawless lifestyle.

Louisa tilted her head back against the couch cushion and took a deep breath. ‘It must be pretty close to perfection if it keeps you away from us eleven months out of the year,’ she muttered.

‘It’s work, Lou, and it’s my dream. I don’t like being away, but if I remember correctly at one point in time we were all pretty supportive of each other following our dreams. Just because you couldn’t handle London, where might I add, I think you would have done amazingly had you persisted, doesn’t mean I should give up on LA.’

The words sounded harsher than Sabrina had intended, but it was all coming out now. Though she knew all too well the pain of missing home, Sabrina was also aware of how talented her younger sister was, and she had hated hearing that she had left university after only a few months. However, she had kept her thoughts to herself.

Now that they were getting into the nitty-gritty of their arguing, the words burst out before she could stop them. ‘You could, and should, be doing so much with your designs, instead of working a nine to five reception job you hate. Yes, I live far away, but I don’t believe I’ve been a bad sister. I keep up with you all the time and I think you could have done that too. I think you gave up too easily.’ Sabrina was looking at Louisa now, feeling more determined, like she had wisdom to impart and her baby sister wasn’t the only one who could fire on all cylinders. Amanda remained silent.

‘I didn’t give up, I prioritized what was more important,’ Louisa said firmly, her head still tilted to the ceiling. Her words were now coming out calmly but remained unkind, like she still couldn’t accept Sabrina being away, yet Sabrina knew it was justified. She knew her sister was torn. No matter what Louisa said, Sabrina would still be going back to LA in a few days and there was nothing she could do about it. Sabrina felt a sharp stab of sadness in her gut. She understood that her sister simply missed her, but she didn’t think it fair of her to be so unsupportive and mean.

‘My family is important to me too,’ Sabrina said, faintly. It hurt her that Louisa could think otherwise.

At their final exchange Amanda cleared her throat. ‘As entertaining as you two are, I’m missing all the good bits in this movie that I’ve only seen twenty times, and if you don’t start watching it I might have to play it again from the beginning, so I can better understand how Chris Evans just got naked.’ Amanda looked at them both and threw them each a Baci, before pointing to the screen with a raise of her eyebrows.

Both Sabrina and Louisa caught the chocolate treats with twinning smiles and rolls of the eyes at their big sister, yet they didn’t care to look at each other.

***

‘This pizza is out of this world, Amanda,’ Sabrina said, breaking the silence and taking another slice, now craving savoury after the sweetness of the Baci. ‘Do you have the recipe written somewhere? I can’t think of where I put mine.’

‘It’s over there,’ Amanda replied pointing lazily in the direction of the bookshelf and to the book on the right of the top shelf. Sabrina followed her finger and nodded.

‘I need to learn how to make it,’ Louisa piped up. The tension from before had begun to ease, as the sisters brushed the conflict under the rug. It would pop up again and they would address it when the time was right.

‘I chatted to Grandpa today about making some stuff while he had us all together. He wanted to make you lasagna while you’re home, and I’m pretty sure he had more yeast prepping in the kitchen when we were there this morning.’

‘When does he not have yeast prepping?’ Louisa said, and all the girls let out a chuckle. There was always something being prepped in their grandpa’s kitchen.

‘We can go tomorrow morning and make it with him and you can practise,’ Amanda continued, sitting up a little straighter on the couch and grabbing her glass of water.

‘Found it,’ Sabrina shouted, flicking through Amanda’s recipe book on her way back to the couch. Louisa scooted up and Sabrina sat down next to her, as though no argument had ever occurred.

‘This is awesome, Amanda. I have recipes and notes here and there but never thought to do this.’ Louisa turned each page of the book in awe. Sabrina knew that over the years, Amanda had been writing down and trying to collect every recipe she had ever eaten or made at their grandparents’ house, but she didn’t know she had been placing them safely in a book. The recipes meant a lot to all the girls, but they were incredibly special to Amanda. Each recipe told a story, shared a memory from the girls’ childhood, and any spare moment her sister could grab she spent in her kitchen trying to perfect them.

It was one thing to just follow a recipe, but it was a completely different thing making something from the heart and truly capturing the tastes and smells that Nanna and Grandpa were famous for. Sabrina knew that much – she had tried many herself, but she was no cook. Amanda could capture their creations to a T.

Sabrina and Louisa sat in silence, mesmerized, simply reading. Amanda had included notes and quotes from their nonni and written down certain childhood memories that the recipes brought back, some Sabrina had forgotten. Sabrina couldn’t believe it; the book was phenomenal.

‘Aha, “Grandpa’s Pizza”,’ Louisa said, reading the title aloud, pointing at the words on the page and tapping her forefinger against it.

‘Erm, I might need a touch more detail – you know if you want the pizza to be cooked and edible.’ Sabrina looked over at Amanda. ‘Ahem, add sauce and cheese like Grandpa does …’ she read aloud. ‘You always had a way with words.’

Amanda turned to face them, moving her blanket with her. Sabrina watched her with a new sense of pride. At that moment, Sabrina felt incredibly grateful for her sister’s passion. This book represented their family. It was their childhood, their lives; it embodied amazing food and a love for those you were making it for.

Louisa was still going through each page carefully. ‘The thing is,’ Amanda said, speaking softly now, meeting Sabrina’s gaze, ‘you have to make it with him. Then you don’t really need notes, you just watch what he does, and you do it. You’ve done it before, Brina, you have it in you, you just need to practise,’ she finished with a smile.

‘This book is beautiful, Amanda, it really is,’ Sabrina said, trying not to get soppy on her big sister. ‘You know, this is the kind of thing you need to be putting on your blog, including stories with your recipes.’

Sabrina watched her big sister shrug and shift uncomfortably in her chair. ‘I don’t think I’ll be keeping my blog. I don’t think it’s really for me,’ Amanda replied.

Sabrina couldn’t help but tut. Amanda had only started her blog ‘Mangia’ a couple of months ago, if that. It was beautifully designed, elegant meets rustic, homey and perfectly Italian. The posts Amanda had shared thus far had been great, but where her big sister aced nearly everything she set her mind to, the wonderful world of social media seemed to have her beat.

‘What did I tell you last week?’ Sabrina said, with a shake of her head. ‘It’s going to take time.’ She looked at Amanda and smirked. ‘And patience. Try acquiring some if you want it to succeed. It takes people months and years to build up blogs and social media; it doesn’t just happen overnight.’ Sabrina put extra emphasis on her last words.

It had taken her a good year to build her followers and show Lydia she had what it took to get likes and create a buzz. She didn’t care too much for this new popularity contest, but she also couldn’t argue with it either. Social media accounted for so much in her line of work and these days it could open doors of endless opportunity for people. ‘Keep working on it and putting yourself out there and it will happen.’

‘I am working on it, but it takes up so much time and sometimes I cook and forget to take pictures, or I’ve already taken a bite and ruin the shot. And I don’t understand all these SEOs and why people haven’t been commenting. I know the recipes are good, so why don’t people like them?’ Amanda moaned, took a sip of water and shrugged again.

Though listening to Amanda was frustrating, Sabrina could understand that it seemed the blog was messing with her sister’s confidence.

‘First off, stop whining. I just told you it will all take time and secondly, I understand you are busy and you like to eat what you bake, but you will figure it out if you want it to work,’ Sabrina said, trying to have an air of sympathy in her voice but failing. Her eyes stung from the jet lag now and she didn’t want to keep discussing the perils of social media. It could be rather draining trying to comprehend it all and she knew once Amanda figured it out, people would adore her blog. Amanda just had that charm about her.

‘I have to agree with Brina on that one. If you love what you are putting out into the world, which we know you do, and you want to share your recipes with everyone, just have fun with them. Don’t worry about those comments, Amanda – just do it for you. Don’t sit there thinking it’s going to happen over night, Ms Perfect,’ Louisa chimed in, chancing a sideways glance at Sabrina.

Sabrina offered a small smile, not wanting to stay mad at her baby sister for long. Louisa enjoyed social media and often shared her unique fashion sense with the world. Her pictures were creative, full of colour, and Sabrina hoped that the more her little sister’s followers grew, the more confidence it would give her to pursue her fashion dreams once more.

‘All right, all right, you two, no need to be so harsh. I get it,’ Amanda said, with just a small hint of irritation in her tone. ‘I’ll make you both a copy of the book if you’d like?’ she added, changing the subject and turning back around to face the TV. ‘Now, please, you are distracting me from Chris Evans.’

Louisa who had continued looking through the book, while imparting her sparing words of wisdom, placed the book carefully on the coffee table. Sabrina threw a pillow at Amanda’s head before she passed around the bowl of Cantuccini as they settled back down to finish the movie.

Just as Chris Evans and Anna Faris stripped off and jumped into the harbour, the phone rang with a shrill noise and Amanda reached out to grab it from the coffee table.

‘Hello, hey, Mum. How are you?’ she said cheerfully through snorts, putting the phone on speaker so they could all hear.

‘Are you girls free to come over?’ Her voice was low and shaky. Amanda shot up to her feet, her sisters following suit. This was far from their mum’s usual cheery hello. She always sounded so full of life, checking in on them when they were together. It made her happy knowing her girls were safe under one roof. She loved hearing them laughing with each other. But something was off and it unnerved Sabrina. The wave of anxiety that washed over her meant there was no time for questions.

‘We’ll be there as soon as we can, Mum,’ said Amanda.

‘Love you,’ they said in unison.

Chapter 4
Grandpa’s Pastina

Ingredients:

Orzo pasta, or any baby pasta (Judge amount based on how many people you are cooking for)

Celery

Onions

Peeled fresh tomatoes

Dialbrodo (Or any vegetable stock/broth, though this is the best)

Pepper

Olive oil

What to do:

Bring water to boil in pan. Add a drop of olive oil.

Add the celery, onion, tomato and stock. Let them boil together before adding the pasta.

Cook the pasta as packet suggests and add pepper to taste.

Louisa often saw the world through a rainbow of colour, always seeing the light in each day. Now as she raced through the front door of their grandparents’ house, a coldness coursed through her bones causing all colours to vanish. Her world appeared dark and fear overcame her. It was as though everything had come to a crashing halt.

‘Mum, what’s wrong?’ Louisa said. Fear made her breathing ragged and she was gasping from sprinting.

‘It’s Grandpa,’ Mum said, so faintly Louisa felt as though her heart stopped beating for a second. She buried her head in her hands. She willed her mum to say he was poorly, to tell her that the doctors were on their way and that Grandpa was just having a rough night, but her stomach twisted, and she immediately felt faint. The piercing pain in her chest already told her the words that were coming next, the magnitude of the impact they would have on her life causing her knees to go weak.

She felt her mum’s arms wrap round her, followed by her dad and her sisters, who had rushed in behind her. ‘He’s gone,’ Mum continued.

Louisa felt her body go limp, her legs unable to stay strong. She collapsed in a heap on the floor. ‘No, no, please, no, Mamma. He’s OK, I’ll go wake him up – he’ll be fine.’ Her body shook violently; tears gushed down her cheeks. She was screaming, and she didn’t know how to stop. ‘He can’t be gone, I need to speak to him.’ She felt her mum kneel beside her but couldn’t bring herself to uncurl from the fetal position in which she lay to look at her. She couldn’t control her tears; her jumper sleeves were wet through. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I’m so sorry.’

Silence engulfed the room. Nothing could be heard except harsh intakes of breath and the muffled crying as tears flooded each face.

‘What are you saying sorry for, sweetheart? It’s OK,’ Mum whispered after a few minutes or more.

Her kind voice caused Louisa to inhale a painful breath. ‘I’m sorry for not being strong for you. I’m sorry.’ She buried her head in her mum’s shoulder.

‘Oh, sweetheart, it’s OK, it’s OK, it’s hard for us all,’ Mum replied, tears escaping her brave brown eyes. Louisa hugged her tight before opening her eyes to see Amanda and Sabrina with their heads tucked in against their dad’s shoulders. She loved her family – how they understood each other and how close they were.

‘We just saw him this morning, Dad. He was doing fine, he was happy and laughing,’ Sabrina stammered, barely audible. Louisa could hear her cries too.

‘I know, sweetheart, I know,’ Dad replied, sniffling. He gave Sabrina a kiss on the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her.

***

Amanda wanted to make a joke. She wanted to make everyone smile, to make everyone giggle the way Grandpa always did if someone was sad. But as she stood with her head on her dad’s shoulder, no jokes or funny comments were coming to her, just an overwhelming sense of grief. Her head was thumping, and her fists were clenched.

She wasn’t ready for this. She was ready to prepare the house for Christmas festivities, to make sure the kitchen was fully stocked with all the ingredients she and her grandpa would need for the chestnut pastries. She needed her grandpa to help her, to show her how it was done. She couldn’t make them as well as he did yet. She needed to watch him one more time, maybe even two or three to be the master chef that he was.

This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t time. She let out a cry and ran to the living room. Punching the cushion, she wanted to throw it across the room. She felt her blood pressure rising as her sobs got louder and her fists grew white from clenching them so tight. She looked around the room, the living room she had spent her entire life feeling content and safe in. The cosy room that had hosted afternoons of coffee and biscuits, while listening to Grandpa’s anecdotes.

She didn’t feel like herself. She wanted to run. She needed to escape from this bad dream. Twisting her head around manically, she searched for Grandpa’s smiling face. He would come in any minute and greet her, give her one of his big, comforting hugs and tell her everything was going to be OK. She stood staring at the door, panting, praying.

A few minutes passed before her sisters and Mum and Dad walked in. Her knees buckled, and she fell onto the couch, burying her head in a cushion. She could feel her chest rattling, her heart twisting and turning painfully, like it was trying to escape too, trying to get rid of the hurt that was just too much. Usually Amanda was the strong one – always there with a quick joke or sarcastic comment to keep things light and playful. Now that energy had vanished as tears stung her face.

Minutes passed by as her brain tried to compute all the words that her mum was saying to Sabrina, but her heart was having none of it. She felt utterly hopeless.

‘Girls, he was happy. He wasn’t in pain,’ Mum was saying. Amanda scrunched up her nose, closing her eyes tight. She couldn’t stand to hear her mum sobbing. ‘My wish was that he would go peacefully in his sleep when the time was right, and I got my wish. He went to lie in bed this evening and when Nanna went up she found him.’ The tears tumbled down her mum’s soft cheeks and Amanda’s heart wished it could take away her mum’s pain more than anything in the world.

‘That’s good, Mamma – you always looked after him so well. I’m glad he didn’t suffer,’ Amanda heard Louisa say. She could hear the pain in her baby sister’s voice and it killed her. Her mum had lost her father, Dad had lost his dear father-in-law, Nanna had lost her soulmate, and she and her sisters had lost one of the best friends they’d ever had. She cried into her cushion as Dad sat down next to her and rubbed her back.

***

‘Where’s Nanna?’ Sabrina asked, looking towards her dad, her face red and blotchy. She wanted to form a plan. She wanted to fix this, make it better. That’s how her brain worked. She couldn’t stand there and feel hopeless; she had to make sure everyone was OK. Yet, she felt glued to the spot. No plans were forming; no solution came to mind. What could she possibly do to fix this?

Her grandpa was gone, and she couldn’t bring him back. The whirlwind of emotions swirling around in her brain had destroyed her organized mind. Logistics had been thrown out the window. How could she bring him back? That’s the only plan she wanted to figure out.

‘She is sitting upstairs with him now. We wanted to give her a minute to pray by his side. And …’ Dad paused. ‘We wanted to tell you first and ask you if you wanted to see him. I’m sorry it’s not nice to have walked in here and found out like this but there didn’t exactly seem like a perfect moment or time. We wanted to give you the option before he was taken away.’

Sabrina didn’t want her grandpa to be taken away. Her breath caught at the thought. She wanted to see his smiling face and hear him talk about what he had learnt from the TV that day. ‘I don’t want him to go anywhere,’ she said, collapsing to the floor, her shoulders bouncing up and down as she sobbed uncontrollably. Mum reached over to her and embraced her, trying to ease the pain.

‘I know, honey, I know – you don’t have to see him if it’s too much. You keep hold of the memory of his smiling, cheeky face,’ Mum said, smoothing a hand over Sabrina’s hair.

‘I’d like to see him, if that’s OK?’ Louisa said. ‘But in a minute.’ Sabrina watched Louisa wrap her arms around herself, not knowing quite what to do or where to look. Her baby sister was brave. She wanted to see her grandpa herself, but she didn’t think she had it in her to see him in his current state.

‘Whenever you’re ready,’ Dad replied, taking her in his arms, unable to bear seeing his children look so distraught. ‘If you all decide you’d like to, we can go up together.’

***

Amanda couldn’t move. Even though she wanted to see her grandpa, she wasn’t sure she physically could. Her body felt weak; she felt sick to her stomach. What felt like hours passed by before, one by one, everyone stood up. Amanda watched them. No one was rushing her or forcing her to go, but in her heart she knew she wanted to see him and say goodbye.

It took all that she had within her to pull herself together and stand up. Her legs felt like lead. They were heavy and painful, causing her feet to shuffle across the carpet as she grabbed hold of Louisa’s hand. Silent tears were rolling down everyone’s cheeks as, hand in hand, they made their way to the stairs.

As the top of the landing came into sight, fear enveloped Amanda. Louisa gripped her hand tighter as they stepped back to let Mum and Dad go first. Amanda entered her grandparents’ room. Her eyes grew cloudy as tears prickled her eyelashes when she caught sight of Grandpa lying in his bed. He looked peaceful, like he was sleeping, all wrapped up in his blanket.

Sabrina sat on the edge of the bed next to their nanna, who was sat in her chair by Grandpa’s side. Mum and Dad stood each with a hand on Sabrina’s shoulders. Amanda couldn’t let go of Louisa’s hand. Her mind raced with images of Grandpa sitting up, turning to them all and saying hello. She might have been an adult, but in that moment she didn’t understand anything. She felt powerless. Why couldn’t she wake him?

With all the strength she could muster Amanda walked over to Nanna and hugged her tight before walking over to the bed to kiss Grandpa gently on his cold head. She whispered the words: ‘Thank you for everything,’ while her heart shattered into a million pieces. Her body began trembling as tears erupted from her, loud and aggressively. The pain was too much.

Mum grasped her tightly as Sabrina and Louisa followed suit, kissing Grandpa and stroking his forehead. When they were done, the three girls turned and fled from the room. It was too much seeing their dearest grandpa like this and they wanted to allow for Nanna and Mum to have some time with him too.

Amanda re-entered the cold living room and sat huddled up on the corner of the couch closest to the fireplace. She loved sitting by the fire. It brought with it so much warmth and comfort and memories of Grandpa telling stories as she and her sisters nibbled on Italy’s finest cakes. She let the memories play out in her mind, like a highlight reel, for a while.

***

The club was quaint, dark and dingy. Amanda felt it wouldn’t go amiss along the colourful San Francisco streets. Her black and gold buckled boots stuck to the floor with every odd step she took. She made her way to the front row and rested her elbows on the stage. When she saw the microphone stand a flurry of butterflies let loose in her stomach.

She looked to the clock. In ten minutes’ time her very best friend, whom she hadn’t seen in eight months, would be gracing the stage. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, making her ears blush. Suddenly feeling hot in her giant teddy bear coat, she unzipped herself and placed her coat between her and the stage edge.

She looked around noticing the small room was now packed and as people edged up closer to her, the hotter it got. Dan would have to forgive her sweaty state when she squeezed him to death after the show. Excitement bubbled in her. She couldn’t wait to see him – the man who had shown her around San Francisco and who was now on her home turf. Sabrina had set them up with a few gigs in Europe to test the markets and Amanda thought her sister a genius.

***

‘Oh my God, you guys were amazing,’ Amanda gushed at Levi, thumping him in the arm as he reached the spot where she was standing, in the now empty hall. He shoved her back softly before pulling her into a bear hug.

‘Look at you – you look gorgeous, as always. I’m so glad you could make it,’ he said, just about cracking one of her ribs in the process. James and Dylan had appeared next to him by the time he put her down.

‘Thanks, Levi. You guys look incredible too. It’s so good to see you,’ she said, hugging James and Dylan. ‘What do you think of home sweet home?’ she asked baring her pearly whites and waving her arms around the dimly lit room that housed a bar on one side. The barman had set up drinks for the boys and waved them over.

‘Well, we haven’t seen too much yet and we’re only here for a few days, but it looks pretty good so far,’ James replied, leading the way to the bar and the drinks. He picked up the one tall glass of red wine and handed it to Amanda before passing out the beers to the boys. She took her glass gratefully, smiling that the guys had thought to inform the barman of her drink.

‘We’d best make the most of the next few days then,’ she said. ‘I don’t care that you are big fancy rock stars now, I’m going to need you all to myself,’ she added with a playful grin.

‘Sounds good to me,’ came a warm raspy voice from behind her. Her grin grew wider and Amanda winked at Levi before turning to face Dan.

‘Ooh, aren’t the lead singers supposed to be the worst of the pack? So much ego with being front and centre all the time. Not all places in Manchester are built for such royalty, and boys …’ Amanda cocked her head back to glance at the rest of the band before locking eyes with Dan once more ‘… do you really think I can take this wild and crazy rock star home to meet my parents?’

She heard Levi, James and Dylan crack up behind her. Dan’s eyes twinkled under the low lights. She watched as his lips turned up into a cheeky smirk. He walked towards her with ease and calm, took the wineglass out of her hand and placed it back on the bar. Amanda stood watching his movements, chewing her bottom lip. She was trying not to crack up with laughter like the others, but she felt deliriously happy.

Just as she was about to open her mouth and tease Dan some more, he grabbed her around the waist, wrapping her up in his Versace scent, wet hair and solid frame. Amanda breathed him in. She couldn’t put a finger on what it was about this man, but he made her feel safe and like she could be her true self with him. Though she had been speaking to him via social networks since she left San Francisco, being in his presence again felt terribly good.

‘All right, all right,’ Amanda started, trying to push herself out of Dan’s strong grip, ‘always trying to be centre of attention.’ She smirked, then turned to pick up her wineglass and take a sip. ‘It’s nice to see you.’ She looked at Dan, who hadn’t taken his eyes off her.

‘Baby girl, it’s a lot more than “nice” to see you,’ he said, giving her his slow smile and collecting his own beer from the bar.

Dylan and James were now chatting amongst themselves. Levi, Amanda noticed, still had an eye trained on Dan, while also keeping up with what the others were discussing. She chuckled to herself how these boys knew each other like the backs of their hands. Dan was always watching over Levi, Levi always watching over Dan. They had that protective bond that came with being best friends since the age of three. They knew what was going on in each other’s lives, always. Levi had let Amanda in, but she was conscious of not stepping on his toes when it came to Dan. He was Levi’s best friend first and foremost.

‘You are right – it’s pretty fantastic to see you,’ she said, taking another sip of her wine and falling into conversation with Dan seamlessly, chatting about everything and nothing.

***

Amanda didn’t know why she felt nervous, but the palms of her hands were sweaty, and she had to blink back the dizziness as she looked at Dan and then turned the handle on her nanna and grandpa’s front door. Her family knew all about Dan. She had told them about him when she returned from San Francisco and they had occasionally popped on to Skype and waved a cheery hello to him, so it wasn’t like they were all complete strangers.

And really, it wasn’t a huge deal for them to like him. He was simply a friend, and with him living halfway across the world, it wasn’t like they had to see him all the time or put up with him and Amanda’s wild and crazy antics. She wasn’t a teenager any more either. Yet, her pulse was thumping rather loudly at being mere moments away from Grandpa meeting Dan in person.

The chatter in the living room drew closer but once Dan and Amanda came into view, the voices hushed. Louisa’s jaw dropped at the sight of him, which caused Amanda to laugh and her shoulders to drop slightly. Mum jumped up to greet him and instantly enveloped Dan in a hug. Dad stood tall, reaching out a hand in a very British hello.

Watching Nanna struggle to get up as fast as everyone else, Dan stepped over to her chair, leant down to her and gave a her a big hug and a kiss on the forehead while uttering the words ‘Ciao, bella.’ By this time Grandpa was standing and as Dan straightened up, both men came face to face. Grandpa’s eyes sparkled bright blue and his cheeks dimpled with a smile. They both stuck out a hand before stepping forward and embracing each other in a hug.

Amanda watched in awe before scooping up a biscotti from the table and plonking herself down on Nanna’s armrest, as she allowed complete happiness to wash over her.

Three hours later, she was walking with Dan back to her house. It was a fair walk from her grandparents’ house to her own but certainly doable. And this evening the fresh air was welcome. As Amanda breathed it in, she felt the pain of previous heartbreak lifting. There had been no tension and no awkwardness in Dan visiting her family. There had been no uneasy silences, no uninterested pauses, no yawning as Grandpa asked question after question or rattled off joke after joke. There had been none of that. In its place had been a natural stream of conversation, merry laughter and Amanda wasn’t entirely sure who had asked more questions: Grandpa or Dan.

‘Well, you’ve ruined me,’ she said to Dan, as they walked side by side down the cobbled street.

‘How so?’ Dan questioned, giving her a sideways glance. Amanda could see a hint of a smile playing at his lips, as they passed under a streetlamp.

‘Well, my next boyfriend is going to have to be Superman, like actually Superman,’ she said then paused, looking back up to Dan, who she noticed was now full-on smiling. ‘Why are you smiling? Are you about to tell me you are in fact Superman? Great, there’s no hope for me now then. I mean, Batman is no match for Superman. I guess I would be fine with Captain America. You couldn’t tell Sabrina and Louisa though – they have dibs on Chris Evans.’

She was aware she had started to ramble, but it felt good to be able to talk with no filter. In fact, it felt amazing. Tonight, had been a dream. After her last boyfriend, and his not so embracing attitude towards her family, tonight had felt truly special. Granted Dan was not her boyfriend but watching him with her family made her realize what she wanted, and she suddenly felt more confident in not settling for less.

‘I’m pretty sure Superman can’t just go around telling people he’s Superman, baby girl,’ Dan said, winking at her as they made their way to her front door.

Amanda searched his eyes before rummaging around her bag in search of her keys. ‘Oh, my goodness, you are Superman – I knew it,’ she muttered under her breath, making Dan laugh. They stepped inside, and Amanda immediately busied herself in the kitchen turning on the kettle, as Dan took off his shoes and wandered over to the CD player. ‘Well, Superman, if you could be so kind, next time you bump into Thor or Captain America can you put in a good word for me? I know you’re all on opposite teams but Batman does nothing for me and God of Thunder sounds incredibly manly,’ she shouted from the kitchen.

‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Dan said, as she joined him in the living room with a tray of tea and more biscuits, this time a classic British selection. There was no beating Italian cookies and cakes, but Amanda felt Dan needed the full British experience while he was in England too. He couldn’t possibly leave without having tried a custard cream or jammie dodger. ‘Grandpa is rather brilliant,’ Dan said, as he reached for a blanket and draped it over Amanda’s feet that were curled up close to his thighs.

Amanda took a sip of tea and wriggled her toes in thank you. ‘I think so too,’ she replied, ‘and I think Levi might have to be careful. It looked like Grandpa might want to steal his best friend.’ She laughed.

‘I don’t think Levi would mind – he could probably do with a break from me every once in a while.’ Dan shrugged, picking up his own cup of tea. Amanda watched him closely, taking in his floppy hair and broad chest. He definitely fit the Superman build.

‘Is that another one of Superman’s magical powers? That he can impress and fit in with any family seamlessly?’ Amanda asked, her tone a little less playful now and more serious.

‘I don’t think Superman would need to rely on magic when the family is so warm and inviting and feels like his own. There’s no need to put on airs and try to impress when everyone is able to relax and be themselves,’ Dan said, his voice soothing and now, too, more serious, having noted Amanda’s need to talk and get her thoughts out.

‘See, I want that, Dan. I want a boyfriend who can do all that you just did. Why is that so difficult to come by? It was like pulling teeth with Jason. He barely said a word to Grandpa, couldn’t eat a biscotti if his life depended on it, just to see Nanna happy – no, he couldn’t do any of it, couldn’t deal with the language barrier. It bored him.’ She was fiddling with the blanket now, flicking dustings of crumbs onto the carpet.

‘Hey, baby girl, it’s OK. Some men don’t realize a good thing when it’s in front of them. They’re too wrapped up in themselves to see what’s before their eyes. Your grandpa is a wealth of knowledge. Talking to him is fascinating. Your dad is a role model for any man and your nanna and mum are angels. Louisa too, she’s beautiful,’ Dan said, leaning forward and tousling her hair. ‘And Jason was a jerk – it’s not your fault. These are simply things we experience in order to understand ourselves better, to know what we want and what we don’t want. They help build our character. Look at how much you have grown since you broke up.’

Amanda finished her last sip of tea, allowing herself time to accept Dan’s words. ‘You’re right, as always,’ she said, snuggling further down into the blanket and resting her legs across Dan’s. ‘It’s just sometimes so hard to fathom that people can be so thoughtless and rude, but that’s my mistake and I’ve moved on.’

‘It’s not necessarily a mistake. We need those moments where our passions lead us down uncharted paths. It’s good for the soul to follow our wild side every now and again. Sometimes it can lead to beautiful things; other times not so much. You should not be scared to do so,’ Dan said. Amanda noticed he was uncharacte‌ristically staring into his mug and not at her when he spoke.

‘I take it someone’s followed their wild side on more than one occasion?’ she asked with a hint of playfulness back in her tone, yet Dan didn’t look up. Amanda’s brow furrowed. ‘Or, someone has been too scared to follow his passion?’ she questioned, a little unsure of herself. It wasn’t like Dan to be scared. She watched as he quietly placed his mug on the table and picked up a jammie dodger.

‘Bit of an odd name for a biscuit huh?’ he replied, with a wink, before taking a bite. ‘It’s pretty good though,’ he added. Amanda felt a little taken aback by Dan’s lack of communication. They didn’t keep secrets; they told each other everything, or at least that’s what she thought, but Dan feared something, and he clearly didn’t want to open up about what it was.

However, Amanda knew all too well that asking questions wouldn’t help. He would come to her when he wanted, and she would be there for him, like he always was for her. Wrapped up in her cosy blanket and the tea having made her body nice and warm, she decided to change the subject, knowing Dan would appreciate it.

‘So, what did you and Grandpa get to talking about?’ Amanda queried, unable to stop herself. ‘Don’t think I didn’t notice you disappear off into the garden for a good thirty minutes.’ She nudged Dan’s thigh with her toes.

‘Ah, I see, you can’t bear to be without me for more than ten minutes, can you?’ Dan said, as he casually brushed a hand through his hair and leant back into the settee. Amanda simply stuck her tongue out in jest, coming up with nothing to argue the fact. ‘That’s for me to know and for you to find out,’ Dan finished, as he surveyed the plate of biscuits. This time he chose a chocolate bourbon, which made Amanda smile – that was her favourite.

‘What are we? Five?’ She chuckled, helping herself to another chocolate bourbon. As she took a bite, Dan tickled her feet, causing her to shoot up on the settee, waving her hands frantically to get him to stop. Her bourbon biscuit was sent flying across the room. ‘Dan,’ she yelled, ‘don’t do that,’ but Dan didn’t seem to hear her. Her usually sophisticated friend had turned into a five-year-old in a matter of minutes and she was no match for his thick legs and strong arms.

***

Amanda’s mind had drifted back to the day Dan had met Grandpa. It had been perfect. Seeing Dan and her grandpa get on and have their own little bromance had melted her heart. She hadn’t been able to put a finger on it at the time but looking back she understood that those small moments with Dan, those faint signs of butterflies in her stomach, they had led to the unusual feelings she was currently having for Dan. But she buried them deep as the cold made her shiver. The fireplace was void of any roaring fire. No one had put it on this evening: that was Grandpa’s job. In its place was just a miserable pile of black and dusty coal.

Her lips wobbled as her ears pricked up to the noises around her. She wasn’t quite certain how long she had been staring into the cold empty coals, but the stories it evoked were getting too much. Dan was supposed to see Grandpa again. Amanda took in a ragged breath.

She had heard Mum and Louisa go out for a walk a little while ago. Mum had said she needed the fresh air and Louisa couldn’t stand being in the house without Grandpa. Dad, Nanna and Sabrina were in the kitchen. She could hear them faintly, chatting over cups of coffee. With wobbling legs, she stood up taking the couch throw with her, in search of the phone. She didn’t have to search long as she found it on the table in the hallway, where Mum had been when she broke the news.

Picking it up she sat at the bottom of the stairs and wrapped the blanket round her legs while she leant against the wall. She glared at the phone for a second, her fingers trembling. The thought of breaking Dan’s heart with this news made her feel queasy, but he needed to know, and she needed him. She needed her best friend, her best friend who would know exactly what to say and do to make the world complete again. Though it was that needing him that over the past few months had started to scare her silly, she dialled Dan’s number.

After four rings, he answered, drums crashing in the background.

‘What’s up, baby girl? It’s been a while.’ The all too familiar raspy voice enveloped Amanda with warmth – a warmth that made the tears fall hard and heavy once again.

‘Amanda, Amanda, what’s wrong?’ Dan’s usually calm voice was now filled with concern. It pained Amanda, as she encouraged the words to come out of her mouth. She didn’t want him to worry about her. ‘You have to tell me what’s wrong. Are you OK?’ She heard him turn to the others and yell at them to stop all the noise. Dan didn’t yell.

‘Dan, Dan, he’s gone,’ she whispered into the phone, the tears still streaming, making her cough with their salty taste. She tugged at the blanket. The drums went quiet. She knew Dan must be busy with rehearsal, but he stayed with her. Amanda clutched the phone tight to her ear. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, but they didn’t need to. Dan let her grieve, not rushing her to speak or answer questions. He simply waited. He would always wait.

‘It doesn’t seem real,’ Amanda said, her words cracking as she finally spoke.

‘Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,’ Dan said. He was sniffling; he was crying too but trying to be strong for her. He was doing a better job of it than she had done for her mum and sisters. ‘I will be there in two days, OK?’

Amanda was quiet, trying her best to calm her breathing and listen to Dan’s words. Once they registered, she surprised herself by laughing through her sobs. She sat up, uncurling her back. ‘Don’t be daft – you’re busy. Sabrina was telling me you guys have so much to do before the album releases.’

‘You’re the one being daft if you think I’m going to stay away,’ Dan said, a little of his calmness back in check.

‘Dan, it’s OK. Really. I imagine it will only be a couple of days before we head to Italy, so it’s OK, really it is.’ Mum and the girls had talked about what would happen when either nonni passed, just to be prepared. Right now, Amanda felt as though she was far from prepared. Their nonni wanted to go back to Italy and they had all agreed. It would be a busy few days, but Amanda would see the plan through and make sure her grandpa got his wish.

Though hearing Dan’s voice had lightened her heavy heart somewhat, him being next to her was what she needed most, but she couldn’t allow that. He was busy. She couldn’t cry on his shoulder day after day when he had a band to worry about and his own family to think about. It wasn’t fair.

‘Hey,’ Dan whispered softly, ‘be with your family now, baby girl. Go and sit with Nanna and laugh, just laugh and fill that house with memories of your grandpa. I know it will be hard but his memory lives through you now. He’s still there – you know he’s still there. You know how stubborn he is. He won’t ever leave you and I will be with you soon.’ Dan’s words caused Amanda to chuckle again. He was right, of course. Dan was always right. ‘And if you need me you call me, day or night; you just call me, OK?’

‘How are you always right?’ Amanda replied. Her heart rate quickened as Dan’s gentle laugh filled the line. She didn’t want him to go but she needed to be with her family; she needed to be strong for them. ‘I’ll talk to you soon, OK? And thank you, Dan, thank you.’

‘Love you, baby girl.’

***

The heavens had opened as Louisa frantically grabbed at her portfolio of designs, trying to keep it under the umbrella that was doing its utmost to escape her firm grip. A car whizzed past grazing the puddles that lined the pavement. She let out a sigh of relief. She needed to make the next bus before the weather grew worse. She quickened her pace as a strong gust of wind sent her umbrella twirling through the air. In the very same moment, a car flew past with no concern for pedestrians and sent a wave of water over her, soaking her and her precious portfolio through. It was just her luck today.

By the time she walked through the door of her student accommodation, Louisa was drenched, her work ruined and her heart heavy. Throwing her dripping shoes and sodden bags to the side she went in search of food. She was starved. The fridge bore nothing, and her stomach grumbled with disapproval. Grabbing the only thing she could find, a banana, she made her way to the couch and sunk into it, just as her phone beeped with a text.

‘Grandpa just wanted to say hello and see how your exam went today? Love Mum.’ Louisa read the text and promptly burst into tears. How could she let Grandpa down? The exam had been awful. She had messed everything up. She was behind on coursework and was coming up empty on inspiration. This wasn’t the life she had envisioned when she thought about moving to London.

When starting up her course in fashion at London College of Fashion at King’s Cross, she had dreamed big. She had chosen London because she wanted to immerse herself in the fashion industry and London offered it all. Not only was the course fantastic but the fashion scene in London was incredible as well. From bloggers, to agencies, to fashion week, the opportunities were endless.

But here she was six months later, struggling to meet the demands of the course and missing home terribly. She placed the banana on the coffee table, suddenly not feeling very hungry. Glancing at her phone, she noticed she had a bunch of notifications. Scrolling through absent-mindedly she paused on her sister Sabrina’s latest Instagram photo. She wore a gorgeous sleek black skater dress and her barely there make-up made her look like an immaculate doll.

Louisa hated the tug of jealousy that she felt. Sabrina had it all and she hadn’t even been able to score one fashion event or get one A since she’d been in London. Furthermore, she had failed miserably in keeping to her word and visiting home, and it was only two hours away. Fiddling with her wet hair with one hand and giving her sister’s picture a like with the other, she took a deep breath in and went in search of her suitcases.

***

Louisa had been there with Grandpa when the coroner came to take him away. She had stood motionless, unable to speak, unable to move. Her mind was grateful that he hadn’t suffered and that he had been able to go the way he did. At ninety-six she couldn’t be selfish and complain that she hadn’t had enough time with him. Yet her heart argued that she could complain. It wanted to scream to the heavens; it wanted to bring her grandpa back. Her heart wasn’t as selfless as her brain. She wanted more time. Though she saw her grandpa every day, it still hadn’t been enough.

After she collapsed for the second time against the wall, Mum suggested that they get some air. They were now both wrapped up in Grandpa’s heavy outdoor coats, the ones he sometimes used to do the gardening in when it was icy out. They were taking a walk around the block.

The sky was a rich, inky black, the air causing her warm skin to cool at its icy touch. As the wind whipped around her face, Louisa began to feel her mind ease. She could see the stars twinkling above and naturally looked out for the brightest one.

‘He’s not gone far.’ Mum spoke softly, her gaze too on the brightest gold star above. ‘Not really. We can talk to him every day.’

‘You know I will, Mum,’ Louisa said, with pause. ‘Mum? Do you think he was proud of me? I mean, I didn’t finish uni and he didn’t get to see me have a proper job like Amanda and Sabrina. Do you think he was disappointed in me?’ Small sobs seeped out as Louisa spoke.

Mum stopped walking and turned to face her youngest daughter. ‘Oh, sweetheart, of course he was proud of you. Don’t you ever think otherwise. He adored you and loved that you gave London a go. He was proud of you for trying it and for taking a chance. And, honey, you know he was elated when you came back. My goodness, he wouldn’t have said it for fear of stopping you going after your dreams, but having you back at home made him happier than any degree you could have gotten. Selfish or not, sweetheart, he loved getting to spend time with you each day. He couldn’t have been prouder of the women you all grew to be. The love you have for him and the family – oh he never stopped talking about you.’

Louisa’s eyes were blurry, tears filling up at an alarming speed, a mixture of happy tears flowing with the sad ones. She reached her arms around her mum’s neck and hugged her tight, words having escaped her. She thought about all the designs she and her grandpa had come up with and all his favourites and wondered what on earth she was supposed to do without her biggest muse. The tears wouldn’t stop.

Mum rubbed her back before stepping back and looking Louisa straight in the eyes. ‘Sweetheart, he treasured every moment you spent together and loved being a part of your life. Every day I’d hear about a sketch you had drawn and even when you weren’t there he was making notes of some design or clothing someone wore on TV that he thought you might like. Honey, you are amazing, and he knew that and believed it with all he had.’ She paused, rubbing Louisa’s arms. ‘Come on, let’s get back inside – it’s getting a bit nippy,’ Mum added, giving Louisa a tight squeeze. She stayed like that for a few moments before leading the way back to the house.

Louisa rested her head on her mum’s shoulder as they walked back towards the house. The roads were peaceful now. Only a few cars raced by while they walked. The fresh air was bringing back feeling to Louisa’s numb bones. With every step came a stab of pain. Tears came and went as she thought happy thoughts in between the sad ones. She thought about how she needed to get her designs out into the world and make her grandpa proud and she thought about his voice, his smile and his hugs and how much she needed them. The mixture of emotions was torture. They walked back into the house and found Amanda sitting on the stairs.

‘Hey,’ Amanda said, standing to greet them. Louisa noticed she looked a little pale and her smile was forced. ‘Fancy helping me in the kitchen?’ she asked Louisa.

Louisa appreciated her sister’s efforts and smiled broadly, knowing what her sister was thinking. ‘Sure, I think it’s what everyone needs right now,’ Louisa replied, taking off Grandpa’s jacket and abandoning her thoughts for a little while. She needed the break.

Sabrina and Nanna were huddled around the kitchen table, staring into their coffee mugs, while their dad was keeping busy refilling the kettle. Louisa walked over to their dad and took over making coffee.

‘Dad, do you want to take Mum and Nanna into the living room and get the fire on?’ she asked, gently taking the kettle from his shaking hands.

‘Course I can, sweetheart, thank you,’ he replied, kissing her forehead.

Louisa was used to her grandparents’ house being full of warmth, love and laughter, as it had been just yesterday. She took a deep breath, with no energy left for any more tears, and knew what Grandpa would do in this situation to make everything a little better. She had to keep him with her and she knew exactly what that meant. It seemed so did Amanda.

Louisa grabbed Sabrina by the hand and pulled her to her feet. She passed her the chopping board and a tomato and hugged her tight. Giving Sabrina a task would help distract her and keep her busy. She then set about collecting a pan and joining Amanda in getting together all the other ingredients they needed to make her favourite pastina. Grandpa had fed this to her way before she ever got her first tooth. It was comfort food at its finest.

Side by side the girls chopped tomatoes and celery, boiled the water and added the seasonings, before sprinkling in handfuls of the tiny pasta to the water to let it cook. In no time, the simple dish was ready. Louisa gathered up bowls, while Amanda added a plate of toast to the tray and Sabrina carried the coffee into the living room.

Louisa sat cross-legged by the coffee table, placing her bowl of steaming hot pastina in front of her. For a few moments, no one spoke. She stared into the steam, willing her moments of strength she had had in the kitchen to continue. She looked around the room and as the aroma of fresh celery, cherry tomatoes and Dialbrodo filled the room, Louisa could see grateful smiles form on everyone’s faces.

It was too much. Her strength vanished as pools of tears gathered in her eyes. His face was missing – his kind, soft, always grateful face was missing from the bunch. She curled her toes underneath her and with shaking hands picked up her spoon. She didn’t want her nanna to see her tears. She wanted to be strong for everyone.

She closed her eyes, sniffed and placed a spoonful of the baby pasta in her mouth. The buttery flavour and slight crunch of the celery satisfied her taste buds. A small smile appeared on her face as she recalled how her grandpa had made her pastina a million times, probably, over the years. It was still her favourite.

She looked up to see colour was rising back into her nanna’s cheeks and Dad was filling up Mum’s bowl with some more soup. The fireplace now boasted golden flames that were keeping them all nice and toasty, but not too toasty, of course; heeding Grandpa’s words, they were careful not to roast.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.