THE WIFE WHO GOT A LIFE
Tracy Bloom

Copyright

Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers 2021

Copyright © Tracy Bloom 2021

Jacket design and illustration by Holly MacDonald © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2021

Tracy Bloom asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008434281

Ebook Edition © April 2021 ISBN: 9780008434298

Version: 2021-04-01

Readers give Tracy Bloom five stars

‘This is a fabulous fizz of a book!’

‘It had everything and I finished it in one night!’

‘I am laughing out loud, and actually can’t remember the last time I did that – thank you Tracy’

‘An absolute must-read’

‘As satisfying as a glass of champagne in a bubble bath’

‘Had me laughing out loud, not just sniggering, but snorting guffaws’

‘Completely addictive’

‘It was such a compelling read. I was at the end far too quickly’

‘This is a beautiful book that has been exquisitely crafted’

‘This book was one of a kind and I LOVED the whole experience’

‘A book that I read with tears falling and roaring laughter’

‘I never wanted this book to end’

‘I feel as if I’ve been on a rollercoaster’

‘Laugh-out-loud funny, feel-good, and heartwarming’

‘I adored the characters’

‘It’s amusing, emotional, happy, and poignant all at once’

‘This will put your whole life into perspective’

‘A book that really makes you think’

‘Full of girl power!’

Dedication

For my husband, Bruce, happy 15th anniversary This counts as a present and a card!

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Readers give Tracy Bloom five stars

Copyright

Dedication

January

February: Ditch Periods

March: Ditch Cooking

April: Get a Life Outside the Family – Preferably with ‘Young’ People

May: Secure My Son’s Future – i.e. Put a Rocket Up His Arse

June: Secure My Daughter’s Future: i.e. Teach Her How to Not Get Screwed Over by Relationships

July: Reduce My Carb Footprint (That will be carbohydrate as well as carbon)

August: Agree Who Will Clean Mum and Dad’s Toilet

September: Make the Necessary Announcements about the Menopause

October: Have ‘The Chat’ (The Really, Really Important One)

November: Fall in Love Again

December: Dance with Hugh Jackman

Acknowledgements

Read on to find out more about the funny and fabulous Tracy Bloom in this extended Q&A, exclusive to the e-book

Dear Reader

About the Author

About the Publisher

This Diary Belongs to:

Cathy Collins

Age:
Late Forties Mid Forties 48 years old

Relationship Status:
Tense with a good deal of resentment occasionally dispersed by the odd moment of joy, i.e. married to Mike for nineteen years.

Location:
Bridleton, West Midlands. Famous for its equal ratio of charity shops to pubs.

Family
Son – Freddie, 17 years (unfortunately with the maturity of an 8 year old) Daughter – Kirsty, 15 years (unfortunately with the maturity of a 25 year old) Mother – Judy, 74 years (great wife, rubbish mother; still incapable of paying me any kind of compliment) Father – John, 78 years (great dad, rubbish husband; still incapable of any kind of domestic chore) Older sister – Lizzy, 51 years (lives in LA and drives me mad trying to tell me how to live my life) Younger sister – Nicola, 42 years (lives down the road and drives me mad because she won’t let me tell her how to live her life) Dog – Barbra Streisand 9 years (named by above-mentioned immature son)

Place of work:
Kitchen table – book-keeper for Ascot Drive Chippy, Fast Eddie’s Taxi’s and Ralph Flemming, the world’s least renowned crime author

Interests:
Are for old people

Motivational Goals
New Year – New You

Set your goals right now!

If you can achieve just one goal a month you can transform your life by this time next year.

Keep it simple, keep it smart, keep it close to your heart.

January | Goals only ever lead to disappointment and misery. I’m not doing it!
February |
March |
April |
May |
June |
July |
August |
September |
October |
November |
December |

January

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