Carina Zinkeisen

Sari's Story

A Cambodian Lovestory - The English Edition

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Inhaltsverzeichnis

Titel

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Impressum neobooks

Chapter 1

Sari's story- A Cambodian Lovestory

Rani looked thougtfully and a little bit melancholicly at her daughter's engagement cake.

Actual she had no time at all fort that and her hands cramped. She had to dress herself, because time was running and to waste that time, to be annoyed by the cake, was not the thing she wanted to do just now.

The cake was already melting away, as if it was not made for cambodia's humid climate. Why are the cakes always so heavy, that they tend to melt away, Rani thought angrily. It was so frustrating, even more that it was not the first engagement cake, that perhaps melted away for nothing, but the third one.

Rani sighed. At least this cake was not bought for lot of money from Paris or Phnom Penh, cambodia's capital. It was made at Plue Pumpkin, a famous Cambodian Coffeeschop, which made the best ice cream in the city, tourist peoble liked as well as Cambodian ones. Unfortunately the cakes there much to heavy and tend to melt away.

Rani wiped the sweat from her forehead. It was really very humid. Pushing sultry and she had a terrible headache.

Two engagements and no wedding yet. And also with the third one she was not sure if it would work, not sure at all.

With Sari you always had to be prepared for all sorts of things.

Maybe it was a mistake to let Sari study in Pnom Penh instead of having her here in Siem Reap under her supervision.

But that was not true, Phnom Penh could not be that mistake. Sreykouch, her middle daughter, had also studied accounting in Phnom Penh and then obediently entered into an arranged marriage with Vichay,the oldest son of her neighbour.

Even the soothsayer, who was indispensable for such matters, she had accepted without complaint. But Vichay had been a good match and so had Sreykouch, after all both families owned many stores in Siem Reap, the old royal city of Cambodia.

Sari, on the other hand, was not particularly fond of arranged marriages or the indispensable fortune teller and the first two engagements with men of her own choice had been a fiasco. Rani had put an end to this and set her up with Jay, Vichay's cousin, who lived and worked in Phnom Penh.

Jay had a very good job, was nice and well-educated, unlike Vichay he was also a quite handsome young man, almost like an Indian movie actor. He would put Sari on the right path. He just had to, it couldn't go on so licentious with her oldest daughter.

Rani sighed deeply again and rubbed her aching temples. Sari's impossible behavior already rubbed off on her youngest sister Simay, who still went to highschool and liked to wear boys' clothes and short hair, which Rani disliked as much as her childish intention never to marry. This was only the unfortunate influence of Sari, who now already had three engagements and so far no wedding, and this at the age of almost 30.

But wait, up to now there were only 2 engagements and no wedding, the third simply had to lead to a wedding. It simply had to work.

But there was nothing easy about Sari, Rani knew that and, with a grim smile, took a sip of coffee with thick, sweetened condensed milk.

She loved this sweet, typically Cambodian drink, although she knew exactly that it was not good for her teeth, her figure or anything else. Her doctor always told her something about diabetes, but she only heard it with half an ear.

Sari took a deep breath as she stood at the banister, looking at her mother and the rather monstrous and a bit kitschy engagement cake that was in a state of disintegration and probably cost a fortune again. Blue Pumpkin was also quite expensive, but they had indeed the best ice cream in town.

Sari bent silently over the railing and smiled as grimly as her mother, if not a little more.

On quiet soles she crept into her room. A little shaky she lay down on her bed, closed her eyes for a moment and just lay there. It calmed her a bit, just lying there and listening to her own breath. For a moment it was just her and her breath.

No engagement, no wedding, no mother and no Jay.

No Jay, who pushed her, as nice as he was. Pushed her to sleep with him. To marry him. Sex with him was more of a duty than she felt anything about it. She didn't feel anything at all, if she was honest and she didn't get wet, not even a little bit. She was like ice in his arms. In his arms and also with all other men so far.

Reluctantly she opened her eyes. She didn't want to think about the sex with Jay, all those nights in his apartment in Phnom Penh or here in her old girl's room.

And yet, the images could not be dispelled.

Once again not.

Once again not.

Jay, who had been lying heavily on top of her, unrolled from her and was still kissing her neck groaning. Sari convulsively tried to keep her eyes closed, thinking of Sarah, the student from England with whom she had had a short but fulfilling relationship many years ago in Phnom Penh.

In vain.

Again and again, however, Jay's face slid in front of her mental eye with his excitedly shining eyes, which always made her a little creepy. She would have loved best to scream loudly and push Jay away. It had hurt, once again and Jay had been so heavy on her, so heavy and her vagina still felt dry and sore. She just didn't get wet with him. Everything on her was sore and hurt and Sari had trouble holding back her tears.

Even now in thoughts.

She was not allowed to cry in front of Jay. That would be too conspicuous.

He was never allowed to know that she longed for a woman.

That she was gay.

She had to pull herself together and be the „perfect“ girlfriend, the „ideal“fiancee. Even though it was hard, very hard, increasingly hard, almost impossible.

"I could indeed do it again, Sari, I'm so horny for you," Jay breathed into her ear. Sari pulled her legs up and put herself in a more upright position. She shook her head.

"I think I'm getting my period. My stomach hurts. I'm hungry too, let's go to Blue Pumpkin."

Sari wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to find her way back to reality and breathe calmly.

Just her and her breath.

Calm and steady.

She lay there until the ringing of her cell phone tore her from her almost lethargic calm.

Without sitting up, she took the call.

It was Jay.

"Hello, dear, just landed. We don't need to get married, let's just go back to Phnom Penh, wild marriage," she heard his voice and smiled slightly.

"You'll do the accounts without my ma. For her, another broken engagement would be a disaster. At least Kouch already has a wedding on the plus side and Simay, you know her. I'm in a tight spot and the concept of wild marriage is no good for Ma. She's kind of stuck in the last century."

„I know, darling, we manage this all. I love you. I'm looking forward to the Khmer barbecue later, I've never liked cakes so much. Unlike your Sis. She and Vichay get their bags, I got mine already. Kouch is really looking forward to the cake. I know my favorite sister-in-law. I love you, Sari, darling."

Sari smiled.

"I love you too, Jay," she said softly and hung up.

It was a lie and she started to cry softly.

He looked really damn good, like a Bollywood actor, no comparison to his cousin Vichay, her sister Sreykouch's husband, who was nothing at all for Sari. Jay was just perfect, but she didn't love him, not even remotely.

Not even remotely.

Crying, she looked at the engagement dress hanging from a hanger on the curtain rod at the window. Like its two predecessors typical Cambodian, beautiful, heavy fabric, good quality, colorful, but unfortunately too much for her taste. She simply could not stand these traditional Cambodian, terribly pompous wedding celebrations, where the couples got into debt.

"Sari, Sis?"

Sari slowly straightened up.

„Sari, Sis?“

Sari slowly straightened up.

"Simay," she said lamely, looking at her youngest sister, who was wearing black leggings and an equally dark shirt, and straightened up a little.

"That Ma always has to make such a fuss about engagements and weddings. This kitschy monster down in the hall, which is melting away, has caused a choking sensation in me, just like the dress there on the pole and my own, puke-green. I hate clothes. When will you finally get Ma to see that this has no style at all," Simay said with a grin and sat down at Sari's bedside.

"I would love to go back to Phnom Penh immediately or Paris, London, New York, as far away as possible. What does Jay actually say about this?"

"He would take me even without engagement and wedding," Sari said quietly.

"And you, what about you, what do you want", asked Simay, who was now sitting on Saris bed with her legs crossed.

"I would rather not marry him or any other man. Not at all," Sari said violently and sat up as well. "But that is utopia, Simay, absolute utopia, we cannot live like this. Not here, not in Cambodia, not in our position as the leading daughters of a leading family."

Sari swallowed bitterly and thought of Sarah in Phnom Penh, the love for her and the painful separation that had gone from herself, because she was afraid that Sreykouch, with whom she shared a room in those times in Phnom Penh, would tell it their mom. She had never seen Sarah again and did not know what had become of her. Whether she still lived in Cambodia or had gone back to England.

"I'm going to get dressed now and you should too. The party must begin. Before the cake is no longer edible. Jay will be there soon, too. He is looking forward to the Khmer barbecue tonight. He is a good man, my Jay, he should show up here any moment, together with Vichay and our sister," she said very quietly and got up.

"Come on, Sim, let's play their game, even if it's not ours, let's go downstairs," she said grimly, and Simay also stood up reluctantly.

Chapter 2

Caroline took a deep breath.

Soon she would be teaching German and English in Cambodia, leaving Munich behind. Yet only six months ago she had sworn that she would never set a foot in a classroom again. The memories of her unsuccessful clerkship still tortured her. Especiallly of Tobi, who had cheated on her with Miss "I'll spread my legs for every guy at the university", Saskia, when she was already in an awful state because of the bad marks she got during her traineeship.

Cheap bitch, thought Caroline and rummaged through her handbag.

Only that it didn't hurt anymore, strangely enough, it did not hurt at all. Not like the stupid traineeship that she had completely ruined and stopped because of all that bad marks she got. Not as much as the fact that Myriam wanted to marry in summer. Myriam, her best friend, Myriam, whom she had once even almost kissed at a party at university.

Strangely enough she had to think of Myriam right now and had those odd butterflies in her stomach again. Butterflies that she had never really had with Tobi, strangely enough.

Never.

Only with Myri and Mrs. Becker, her gymnastic teacher in the eighth grade, but everyone had raved about her, because she was young, cool and friendly. And drop-dead gorgeous, as Caro had found back then.

Liar, you forget Dr. Hallström and your soft knees in her lectures, her inner voice echoed almost painfully in her head and made her feel uncomfortable.

Very uncomfortable.

.

"What do I envy you, great weather, delicous food, beautiful temples, the beach in Sihanoukville is also supposed to be magical according to the photos from the net, unfortunately we have never been there and finally you will see dad again", she was tored by the voice of her sister from her thoughts that confused her so much and she was grateful.

Caroline smiled slightly. Her father had emigrated to Cambodia after her mother's death five years ago and worked there as a teacher for German and English at a private school.

"I'm really looking forward to that, too. He says that the kids in Cambodia are much better to handle than the pubescent snotty kids in Augsburg. He trusts me, I hope..."

Caroline broke off in the middle of the sentence and looked doubtfully at her sister Nadja, who had taken her to the airport and helped her at the check in. "You have to come with me, Sis, I can't do this without you. So far away. I can't do it, really."

"Yes, you can, you've checked your ticket, cell phone and passport a thousand times, now chill. Unfortunately I have to go now, the office is calling, they won't get anything done without me. Really, and say hello to Dad from me, I'll visit you, because then I'll see him not only at Christmas, you can bet your life on it. Give me a hug!"

Caroline took a deep breath, listening to the gong, which just finished not only her lesson, but also the school lessons of the day. Back in Augsburg, she could hardly wait for the gong, finally the lesson was over, the torture, the Argus eyes of Mrs. Michel, who wrote down every mistake in shorthand and rubbed it in her face with the message that she was not good enough at all as a teacher.

Her sweaty hands.

But here, as Nadja had told her at the airport, things were totally relaxed. The children, calm and well-behaved, hanging on her lips, eagerly reciting vocabulary. Now they passed her with a partly still shy smile and Caroline smiled slightly at her father, who had followed her lesson from the last row of benches.

Her hands were dry despite the sultry temperature that distinguished this classroom from the one in Augsburg and that made her brown curls stick to her forehead.

Strangely dry.

Her father smiled broadly.

"You were really good, Caro, respect. That Mrs. Michel must have been a real knockout."

He took her in his arms. She hadn't seen him this happy since Mom died five years ago.

She smiled back just as broadly.

"Will you take me out again, tonight, the food yesterday in the Khmer Kitchen was really delicious," she asked.

Her father shook his head regretfully.

"Not tonight, dear," he gloated over her disappointed expression, let go of her and added mischievously.

"I have something much better to do, you will meet friends of mine today, students, good students. Some of the girls are about your age, you will like them. One of the most respected families in Cambodia apart from the royal family. You will especially love Sari. She is my best student. She speaks almost perfect German and English. A wonderful young woman."

Caroline had quickly put on a pretty dress in the apartment her father had rented, which she was now happy about, because the private house her father had taken her to was tastefully furnished in the typical colonial style. Its inhabitants were extremely well dressed. The lady of the house, whom her father had introduced to her as Rani, a somewhat plump but still beautiful middle-aged woman in a noble costume and expensive heels, even had a maid. This one immediately served them coffee with sweet, very thick condensed milk, which Caroline found much too sweet and drank in small sips. A typical Cambodian coffee specialty, she was told.

Rani looked at her across the table and Caroline blushed slightly. This woman intimidated her in a strange way almost as much as Mrs. Michel in Augsburg.

"So, Dieter's daughter. You teach as well?" Her voice sounded strangely tinny, almost cutting.

"Yes, at Dad's school. German and English, I studied in Germany" said Caroline shyly in a low voice.

"That's nice, then you can practice with my daughters, where is Sari actually? Yesterday was her engagement party and today she thinks that I let her get away with everything, but I have to excuse her fiancé Jay. This morning he had to go back to Phnom Penh for business with his cousin Vichay and my second daughter Sreykouch, Vichay's wife. After 5 days engagement party. At the wedding you are of course all cordially invited. It will take place in Battambang, but you know that anyway, Dieter."

Rani looked somewhat annoyed at her watch. "Simay, my youngest one, I have to excuse as well. She's playing soccer today, that awful girl. She is quite talented though. Are you actually engaged, Caroline?“

Caroline shook her head and smiled awkwardly. This woman scared her.

Her hands were as sweaty as they were at Mrs. Michel's in Augsburg. They literally stuck in her lap.

"Now stop squeezing the poor girl! It's embarrassing!"

Caroline drove around.

It was as if the world stood still for a moment and her stomach cramped up strangely.

She was weak and a warm, strangely wonderful feeling poured into her stomach.

This had to be Sari!

She spoke perfect German, as her father had said, perfect and fluent, as fluent as her mother's English earlier.

She was beautiful. Extremely beautyful.

As beautiful as Myriam was.

Even more beautiful, much more beautiful.

Two exotically distinctive beauties that took her breath away. Much more than Tobi had ever been able to do.

But why did she think such a nonsense?

Caroline took a sip of the coffee to collect herself and calm her nerves.

Then she stood up to give Sari her hand, which was still quite sticky, and smiled broadly at her. Sari was wearing a yellow sophisticatedly cut dress, in which she looked a little bit like a movie actress from the last century. She was very petite and although she wore her hair long like most Cambodian women does, she reminded Caroline a bit of Audrey Hepburn.

"Did you like Sari?

"What? I'm sorry, I was in my thoughts?"

Dieter had called a Tuk Tuk, a carriage-like vehicle pulled by a motorcyclist. It was now already quite dark, too dark to walk to the apartment Dieter had rented.

"How did you like Sari?"

Beautiful, just beautiful, she looked like Audrey Hepburn thought Caroline and was glad that her father couldn't see how red she turned and how pensive she smiled in the dark of the night.

Quite pensive and quite in love.

In love?

Definitely in love.

"Yes, very much," she said calmly and climbed ahead of her father into the tuk-tuk that had just stopped.

Her father gave the driver his address and negotiated the price of the ride in fluent Khmer. Caroline was quite surprised, how fluent he was in this so difficult to speak foreign language, which reminded her to know language she knew.

Then he turned to his daughter.

"That pleases me. You need some friends. And Sari has many friends. Also very nice Europeans, Expats, who live here. I'm sure there's one guy for you. I never liked Tobi," Dieter said laughing and nudged Caroline into the side. "Let's go to the men's front.“

Caroline did not laugh.

Chapter 3

Slowly Caroline undressed herself.

It was still quite hot and she was dead tired with one blow.

Exhausted, she sat down on her bed and dropped the dress next to her.

A ringing tore her out of her thoughts. Who was still calling her at this late hour? Definitely Nadja, because in Germany it was a few hours earlier.

Caroline reached for her cell phone, it was an unknown number, not Nadja's stored number.

She accepted the call.

"Sari," she said quietly as the girl on the other end of the phone said her name and remembered writing her cell phone number on a napkin with a shaky hand.

"I", she heard Sari a little unclearly and held the cell phone closer to her ear. "I would like to meet you tomorrow, after your work. Have a coffee with you. At FCC Angkor, it's across the river near the Royal Palace, where the King lives, when he is in Siem Reap. Every tuk tuk driver knows it."

Caroline's heart cheered and she smiled.

"Gladly, gladly, around 5:00," she said calmly.

This time Caroline had taken precautions and already at work she wore her beloved jeans jumpsuit, which accentuated her narrow waist and suited her perfectly.

"Very chic, Caro, you look great, for whom did you get all dressed up", her father said with a grin and Caroline had to smile too because of his still Bavarian dialect. He really said „aufgebrezelt“ for dressed up.

"Hardly for your old dad, but that doesn't matter, I'm used to grief, fun aside, I can't use you tonight anyway, I'm meeting my guys for snooker, but you really have to see this live. I'm the king of the snooker table at Tempel Bar," her father joked and patted her shoulder. "Are you meeting Sari," he asked.

Caroline nodded. "At FCC Angkor, I'm going to get a tuk-tuk right away."

"Will Jay be there too? Oh no, he's back in Phnom Penh."

"Jay," asked Caroline and remembered with a thud that Sari's fiancé was called Jay.

She bit her lips.

"He went to Phnom Penh right after the engagement ceremony to liquidate his apartment and for business. I forgot all about that, but maybe you'll finally get to know Chris. He's a nice guy, I tell you. Just your type. Good-looking too, go get him. He'd make a great son-in-law."

"Yeah, Dad, there's one Chris Sari was telling me about last night. He's going to have coffee with us today," said Caroline and was annoyed by her lie. But her dad apparently didn't understand that she wasn't interested in men anymore, not at all, and that made her irritable. It was just her life and not her father's. She was 27 and no longer 15.

When her Tuk Tuk stopped at the roadside in front of the FCC Angkor, which turned out to be a magnificent, bright white colonial building with a beautiful, well-kept small garden, two hearts beat in Caroline's somehow hurting chest.

One heart looked forward irrepressibly to seeing Sari again, to meeting her, to falling in love with her, the other heart was ashamed of lying to her father.

He only meant well with her. Probably he couldn't get out of his skin. His skin, in which he wanted a man for Caroline and not a woman.

"I am so happy to see you, Caro, let's go upstairs to the second floor. You have a nice view of the garden and the coffee is excellent. They also have great fruit shakes and even smoothies. Everything totally delicious and very fresh made, great quality. And if you like ice cream, afterwards we could go to Blue Pumpkin, the best ice cream parlor Siem Reaps, no of all Cambodia. You'll love it," said Sari, who had joined her and looked simply stunning in her simple, elegant dark blue linen dress.

Her arm touched Caroline's elbow and Caroline's stomach cramped up.

They were butterflies.

Butterflies.

Her heart was beating for a woman.

For the way back Caroline did not use the Tuk Tuk, but walked. So she could sort her thoughts better. She felt just great and that unsettled her. She could think of nothing else but Sari. She still imagined every look of Sari in the most beautiful colors, every gesture, every word. Drinking her coffee and mango shake in her mind, she still had the feeling of tasting the sweet mango in her mouth.

She licked her lips with relish.

She couldn't suddenly be a lesbian? Could she?

She had had Tobi after all.

For almost three years, even if it was not perfect, it was three years. Three complete years, which now seemed to be complete meaningless to her. Like they never existed.

And yet, if she was honest with herself, and she was now, in the dark of the night on the terrace of the Hard Rock Cafe, where she drank another vodka. All the crushes at the university, which had all remained unfulfilled, had been women. Caroline closed her eyes and once again she thought of Myriam, the beautiful South African woman whom she had almost kissed back then at university. Whose wedding plans had really stabbed her in the heart. More than Tobi's cheating and almost as much as the sight of Sari in that villa yesterday. And she also had more than just raved about many teachers at school and university.

The butterflies that had moved her to kiss Myriam at that party after several glasses of wine.

Exactly the same butterflies, only much more intense right now for Sari.

She had apparently always been a lesbian.

Always had been.

And had successfully repressed it.

Caroline sighed and took a small sip of vodka.

"Hey, how was it?" she was ripped by her father's voice from her thoughts.

"What are you doing here," she asked perplexed, almost startled.

"I also want to order a nightcap after the snooker over at the Tempel Bar. And who do I meet there, my little daughter. Vodka? That's what I order myself. Why didn't Sari come with you and Chris?"

"She was tired and so was Chris," Caroline quickly replied, now she had practice lying to her father.

"Chris", her father was beaming all over her face, ordered the vodka and then turned to his daughter, still beaming. "How did you like him, he's your type, isn't he?"

"Yeah, sure, really nice and good-looking too," Caroline murmured somewhat indistinctly into her vodka glass, because of course she had no idea how Chris looked like.

"My daughter on a man-catch. I invite you to join me for a nightcap after all. The Hardrock Cafe makes great cocktails, is my favorite next to the Tempel Bar and the Tempel Sky Lounge further downstream, but that's more for you young people, you sit there on sandbags. But it is cool, lots of locals. The middle and upper class of Siem Reap. What do you take, Caro, for your luck with the boys, we have to toast right away", Dieter grinned and Caroline shuddered involuntarily.

Her father was usually a real cosmopolitan guy and absolutly easy going, but he had a thing about men. How was she going to teach him that she was falling in love with Sari?

Almost convulsively she held her vodka glass tight.

"Then a caipi, please, I could take that," she said lightly, trying to smile for her father.

Chapter 4

"Friday evening, shopping, Lucky Mall, what a hustle and bustle, but what do you do for a few treats from your distant and still beloved homeland! What more can you ask for, dearest daughter, than good Bavarian beer and pretzels, which we will pick up at the bakery afterwards, when we are homesick. I'll invite you to „Bavaria“ tomorrow, they have great „Kasspatzen,“ you like them so much, do you?. Ricky, the landlord, is a friend of mine and like us he comes from Bavaria. They also have great Bavarian beer, it's awesome. Sometimes he plays snooker with us.“

Her father was in a good mood and Caroline pushed the shopping cart through the very well sorted, very western supermarket with one hand, with the other hand she held her cell phone and talked on the phone to Sari.

What she had missed Sari. A few days without Sari, a few days knowing that Sari spent time with Jay, who had returned from Phnom Penh. Terrible days, which still tore at Caroline's nerves.

„Nice of you to call," said Caroline with a smile. "Missed you, haven't heard from you in a while."

"I'm sorry, Caro, I couldn't, Jay was here, but he's going to Phnom Penh again on Monday, because his mother needs him and he hasn't sold his apartment yet, he's staying 3 weeks because he has to finish a job at the university. He can't use me anyway, I have no clue about maths and business studies and I don't want to. I am more of a language person like you. So to cut a long story short, would you like to fly with me to Sihanoukville next Wednesday? My family sponsors several restaurants there and I'll be able to look after things. My Sis, Sreykouch, will also be there, maybe that's the catch. But she will only arrive on Thursday directly from Phnom Penh, where she is currently running a Charity project. We'd have the whole Wednesday if I booked a flight in the morning for you and me.

For you and me, thought Caroline with a beating heart and said happily, that she loved to join Sari. She ended the conversation still smiling.

Smiling pensive.

"Who was that," asked her father, who put a packet of cookies in the shopping cart. "You smile like that."

"Sari," Caroline said truthfully. "She invited me to fly with her to Sihanoukville next Wednesday."

"Surely she didn't just invite you?"

Dieter sounded skeptical and Caroline quickly added "of course not. Her sister will be coming directly from Phnom Penh and Chris is flying with us."

"That's good, a great boy, you'll see in no time you're in love with him and have forgotten silly Tobi."

I have already forgotten him because of Sari, thought Caroline and stood on her toes.

"Danish Cookies, how great is that," she exclaimed beaming with joy. She put the package in the shopping cart and looked at her father a bit uncertainly. "It's okay for you if I'm not there from Wednesday to Sunday because of school," she asked embarrassedly.

"No, you are my slave," her father said seriously. "Joking aside, that's fine. Enjoy it. I don't want to stand in the way of young happiness. When your sister comes over, we'll take a nice family trip to the beach. I personally like Kep more."

"Oh yeah", said Caroline beaming.

The flight had been quite relaxed, the bath in the sea refreshing and now Caroline and Sari were sitting in the wicker chairs in front of Mr. Martini's restaurant and enjoyed their dinner. It was not very late, but almost dark. In the tropics the dusk set in much earlier than in a German summer, which still confused Caroline a bit and they had just watched