David Hoffmann

The spell of the tunnel vision

If the reply does not allow searching for mourning

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Inhaltsverzeichnis

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Foreword

The Story

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Foreword

Dear readers,

I write in this book down a true story, which is as it is here, actually happen. Only the names have been for reasons of anonymity, amended accordingly. Finally, it is after all not about the name, but rather on what happened and how they happened, what impact they take and how to deal with it. The book is therefore to be found, because it very likely are many other stakeholders, which it certainly is similar or the same, or is issued. Thus, the first and most important message that these people are not alone in their pain.

I wish all readers a lot of strength from reading this book.

David Hoffmann

The Story

It's a Saturday night in February, and a car drives slowly along the road through the darkness. The surrounding landscape is by the wicked snow the last few days wrapped completely in continuous white. Cold is. Particularly by the very breath of fresh air, which always blows the snow from the fields to the road The driver moved his vehicle carefully through the drifts, and it always easy to slip device. The thirty-two year old Phil starts from the car but with slow, careful steering. No way he would risk that happening to his beloved on the passenger seat or even her two small children, they are only two and three years old, in the back of anything. The little family was at Grandma's for a visit, who celebrated her birthday and is now on the way home. Half way they look from a distance as some vehicles with warning lights are switched on at the roadside. As she slowly approached the scenario, they recognize a snowdrift larger scale, which is located directly in front of them and almost certainly is three hundred feet long to the. Four vehicles are right in the woe at road side and many people crowd around them. While Phil and his family now very careful driving past them in the dim light the edge of the headlights appear to be two cars that are in the trenches. One located on the side and the other vehicle, even on the roof. That the people are intact, fortunately, most of the slow driving, and this is due to the deep snow. Meanwhile, Phil is a man who lights a cigarette trembling and probably sat in one of the vehicles. Since many workers are already on site and the pair have two small children in the car, Phil decides to drive to continue. And it inevitably recalls to mind the terrible events that befell about twelve years ago about his parents, his sister Mel and him:

It is the 06th May in 2001. At this time, Phil is twenty years old and lives on the first floor in the house of his parents. His older brother, Ben, he is twenty-two years old and moved some time ago related to work in the city is with him and Phil is mad at him. After all, it is the third mobile phone bill, amounting to about 350 D-Mark, the Ben can not pay him. Ben opened Phil that his boss can pay any salary because the job situation was too bad. Of course, also carries a certain Phil complicity in this situation, because he gave his brother his old phone including contract and trusted that Ben would pay the bills already. After Phil has now condemned the overall situation, there are different two brothers, without even neutral to talk about God and the world. Ben goes down and sits for a while with their parents, before he sets out on the road. Late in the evening he will ever go to Hamburg, where he is the next week with colleagues to mount there. Meanwhile, Phil is down at the computer and actually does it again sorry that he had been so excited. After all, his brother can now also nothing to show that he is not or only receives a portion of his wages. However, Phil finds once with the situation, with the idea that he even get the chance in the future, to be gentle toward his brother. Sunday draws to a close and Phil lets him finish relaxed watching TV. Shortly after 22 clock he lies down to sleep, because he is currently providing his military service and to the base after all Phil needed 45 minutes driving time.

He stops after a short time, however, high out of his sleep and looks at the clock. Not built very fact that it is just before midnight, he lies there wide awake and can not fall back asleep. An eternity he rolls now in his bed back and forth and listen for a while later to drive a vehicle down the road. It's slow road and stopped suddenly. Phil looks at the clock and wondering who haunts here in their village at this time, it is just 1.30 clock, around. That makes him curious and he wants to get up and see just because he hears two doors and fold the closure of entrance squeaks. Highly unusual and that's why Phil decides to see who they want to pay here in the middle of the night to visit. A police car stands in front of the driveway and it rings also appeared at the front door. Phil is actually quite perplexed and has absolutely no idea what this is all just one, yet it is almost certainly clear: it can not be good! His father, however, got up and opened the door. The officials come in and Phils heart knocking him now already in the neck. With an effort he tried to hear something, but it is not him. Out of nowhere, he hears a really terrible scream from his mother. This goes to the bone and skin crawl puts on his entire body from head to toe. He immediately realized that something very terrible must have happened that will change all their lives fundamentally.

The police go after a short time and Phil sitting meanwhile at his bedside. Sure, he wants to go down and know what happened. He is but already flat and anything it pulls down and allows his body to be as heavy as lead. Still, he pulls himself together and goes down the stairs, while he is totally evil. When he enters the living room, his mother sitting at the dining table completely resolved, while his father standing beside her. At the questioning look of Phil, they offer him that Ben had an accident with his car and had died there. Phil is completely stunned and also get a clear idea, but all the while secretly hoping that it is not true what he has just heard. Because he wants to understand this horrific message but can not, he gets to know that his brother was traveling on the highway and drove into a tree. The accident happened already at 23.55 clock. Phil literally strangled by the throat and pulls him through a deep pain. He must listen to it and is completely powerless and helpless. Nothing he can do against these terrible events. Often you can in life to correct the things that go wrong in any way, with appropriate measures. In this case this is not possible and it's awfully good. While it slowly dawns Phil what happened, he remembers suddenly that his mother must feel a well unbelievable pain. After all, she has just experienced the news that she has lost her second boy. His oldest brother died Maik then 9 months. He had one night back respiratory depression and could not be saved. And now another child is dead. What a distressing thought and Phil guessed it does not ensure an untold pain in his mother what must romp. He takes her in his arms and tried to give her solace, while it already is clear that in this situation there can be no consolation. Long as he keeps the situation, with these thoughts in mind, and no longer has to pull back.

So he trudges up the stairs again and falls on his bed. He stares at the ceiling, his mind travels roller coaster. Thousands of thoughts haunt confused about his head, where the majority is blurry and out of focus. And yet it feels completely empty and Phil may still not understand everything. Something like that must also feel the beetle, the paddle in the water glass and urgently looking for a straw, so he does not have to drown miserably. By Phil around the time seems to be stopped and he rolls over again the same questions. Why? Why? Why and how did this happen only? As might be expected, but there are of course no answers to the agonizing questions. That moved him to the conclusion that he will ride in the brightness of the day, probably the accident. Although it is quite uneasy and thought, but somehow he needs some answers and it is clear that he will not get seated. At least that's a straw to grasp onto it to keep breathing and brooding to survive the night.

Meanwhile dawns and the morning completely exhausted Phil prepares once a coffee. He then called his superior and first sergeant tells him what has happened before the night with them. It regrets the situation and are very Phil releases the week, which implies that his parents have to have no eyes, and decides to check on them. You sit on the couch and look quite finished. Is it any wonder, too? After all, they have also got free days, and anything else would not have had the slightest sense. His mother is very bad and it is always the same questions, which no one is able to answer it. Out of fear that he might stir up too much, dear Phil mentioned nothing about his intention to visit the accident site. Yet he secretly wish not to drive alone and must fit from a good opportunity to ask his father if he even entertained the thought randomly. Because his father is one of the beat man who questions everything and can not steer spurious responses, is the hope that he would also look for handy answers, not necessarily unfounded. It should prove to be correct and so do both on the way to the accident site. With each second that they are approaching the accident scene, Phil feels increasingly clear this queasy feeling in my stomach and the rising nervousness about what they would expect. Also, the fear gets to him, the fear is whether what they are doing right or so severe that it could hardly be overcome. His father, however, speaks not a word, and steers the car stopped but with a noticeable tension. In all probability he also quarrels with his feelings and thoughts. Meanwhile, they are on the said road. It's more of an avenue that connects several spas together. Phil is on this road that leads to the sea along also driven many times before and always had this amazing and uplifting feeling of holidays, sea and relaxation. But this sensation he is today a world away and secretly also know that there will be no more of this in the future.

From a distance, the two have seen the tree that marks the crash site and Phil gasp. The bark of the trunk is a large area no longer exists. His father is from the car at the curb and they both look at each other, nod to each other and get out of the vehicle. Phil falls immediately brake track on the roadway in the eye, which extends in the direction of the tree. This he had also hoped somehow. He goes on to the tree and realize that the broken glass of the headlight or stuck deep in the tree. And ironically, they sparkle to the sun like little stars from the tree trunk. It's also completely silent and peaceful, just as if nothing ever happened. To see this, to feel and to gain the slightest inkling of what forces must have acted here, Phil breath away for a moment to breath. He would be happy to grab a chainsaw and put this stupid tree to track and break it down into millions of tiny pieces. Once it is equally clear that it is nonsense, rejects the abstruse ideas and looks pretty bent to continue. Between the blades of grass that line the side panels to the slope of the ditch, lying around everywhere on further surface splinters of Ben's car and also swabs and gauze. After a while, Phil drops a bigger piece of the eye. It is a black, about palm-sized piece of plastic, which is a bit off in the grass. It approaches the subject, and recognizes that it is the lever for adjusting the height of the seat belt from the B-pillar. As he lies upside down in the grass, he takes on him, turns the part on the right side and let it fall almost immediately shocked again. The side facing into the interior of the vehicle is full of blood. Phil sits down and stares at the bloody lever while composed in his head, the worst pictures. With something he did not expect and really feels overwhelmed, but immediately begins to collect the best possible return. Yet he can not resist a few tears. There she was, this absolute finality that came to light ever more pressing. And immediately followed by this incessant feeling of powerlessness to do nothing to change this terrible situation, which inevitably turns into anger. The anger over this terribly tragic facets that life holds in store for the always good people and they willingly and generously surrenders when it it time to appear. From this anger out Phil throws the lever into the bushes in the ditch. Under no circumstances would he think anyone finds the best part and it still delights. So it should as far as possible disappear from view. He slowly gets up and is quite sure that he would like to see is nothing more or even find. It was enough for the moment, and yet he can not deny himself, another look at the tree. This is it now, the place where his brother on the last night was killed. And no one was with him and could help him or at least hold her hand. In these severe seconds or minutes it was about? What a nagging question that Phil tries hard to immediately banish from his mind. He looks on the street and from her to the tree and is moody,