Poetic Healing

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Prologue

Part I – Who am I?

Part II – Poetic Healing with Love

Part III – Poetic Healing from Depression

Part IV – Poetic Healing from Weltschmerz

Epilogue

Poetic Healing

© Thanu X_2019

Thanushiyah Tharmadevan

thanuxslampoet@gmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/thanutos/

Prologue

Writing is part of my therapeutic process of healing. Sharing my thoughts and rhythms with the world intensifies the feeling of having spoken out my sorrows from my soul, making them more abstract and more relatable at the same time. This book is a collection of poems I wrote on my own path of poetic healing. It is a mosaic of poems that do not build a pattern, but in the end paint a picture of my strive for poetic healing.

Part I – Who am I?

Who I am

I am a puzzle

where not all the pieces fit together

I am a mosaic

where in the end, there is no pattern to admire

I am a snowflake

that melts while falling

lands as rain

and disappears as a tear among many

I am a volcano of sadness

not even the best geologists can foresee

when I explode into a quiet, sad being

when everything remains

I am a bird

that got lost in the desert

flew a few miles too far

or a few miles too little

flying around lonely

looking for company

the worst part of the story

is that when I found company

I did not stop feeling lonely.

Being a second generation Immigrant

That is not how a Tamil girl looks like

they say, when they mean

this is not how I’m supposed to look like

the dress is too short, the top too tight

my steps too fast and not following the right way.

Don’t forget where you come from

they say, when they mean

I’m not allowed to settle here

the nights too long, my dreams too big,

my voice too loud and not saying the right things.

Don’t disrespect your parents

they say, when they mean

I’m not allowed to choose my own path

my love too white, my friends too close

my plans too self-centered and not traditional enough.

While their tongs still long for the tastes

of their childhood they left behind,

my mouth burns from the spices

and restrictions I don’t recognize.

While they miss their homes

and streets they once played on

searching for a new

that will never replace what once was

my home has always been the same.

I struggle balancing

two worlds that will break up

when they meet

from expectations I can never fulfill

and I crumble feeling bad

for being faithful to myself

for following my own dreams

and writing my own stories

but if I give up

and turn into all they want me to be

all that will remain is a dead body.

Why I am an atheist…

As a child

I fasted in secret

so God will see my effort

and finally stand by me

but I failed

so I increased my effort

started hurting myself

swallowed the pain

to be shown God’s love

but I wasn’t

so I thought

I’m a child unworthy of love

so bad even God doesn’t love me

I was drowning in loneliness

desperately trying to reach my imaginary frien