Дмирий Алёхин
200 Мини Анекдотов для Детей на Английском Языке

Школа и учителя (School & Teachers)

1. Teacher: "Why are you late?"

Student: "I saw a sign: 'School Ahead, Go Slow!'"

2. Teacher: "Name two pronouns."

Student: "Who, me?"

Teacher: "Good job!"

3. Teacher: "If I give you 2 rabbits and then 2 more, how many do you have?"

Student: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, it's four."

Student: "But I already have one at home!"

4. Teacher: "Why are you doing math on the floor?"

Student: "You said not to use tables!"

5. Teacher: "What’s 2 + 2?"

Student: "4!"

Teacher: "Good! Now, what’s 4 + 4?"

Student: "That’s not fair! You change the question when I get it right!"

6. Teacher: "Why didn’t you do your homework?"

Student: "My dog ate it."

Teacher: "Really?"

Student: "Do you wanna call him and ask?"

7. Teacher: "Who can use 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Student: "Does a fart have lumps?"

Teacher: "What? No!"

Student: "Then I definitely pooped my pants."

8. Teacher: "What’s the shortest month?"

Student: "May—it only has three letters!"

9. Teacher: "If you had one dollar and asked your dad for another, how much would you have?"

Student: "One dollar."

Teacher: "You don’t know math!"

Student: "You don’t know my dad!"

10. Teacher: "Why did you bring a ladder to school?"

Student: "Because you said it’s high school!"

Родители и домашние дела (Parents & Home Life)

11. Mom: "Did you eat your lunch?"

Kid: "Yes! I traded my apple for a cookie."

Mom: "What about your sandwich?"

Kid: "I ate it—I’m not stupid!"

12. Dad: "Why is your report card so bad?"

Son: "You’re always saying school is a game—I thought we were just playing!"

13. Mom: "Why are your shoes wet?"

Kid: "I stepped in a puddle."

Mom: "Why didn’t you walk around it?"

Kid: "I didn’t see it—I was texting!"

14. Dad: "Son, why did you get a zero on your test?"

Son: "I didn’t want to brag, but the kid next to me got a zero too!"

15. Mom: "Clean your room!"

Kid: "I don’t know how!"

Mom: "Just put things where they belong!"

Kid: "Nothing in here belongs to me!"

16. Dad: "Why is there a 'D' on your test?"

Kid: "Because 'A' was too far to reach!"

17. Mom: "Why is the cat in the fridge?"

Kid: "You said to put the milk back!"

18. Dad: "Why is your homework in the toilet?"

Kid: "You said my work was flushing!" (Flushing + rushing)

19. Mom: "Did you brush your teeth?"

Kid: "No, I couldn’t find the dog’s toothbrush!"

20. Dad: "What’s 5 + 5?"

Kid: "I don’t know, but Alexa does!"

Друзья и глупые ситуации (Friends & Silly Situations)

21. Kid 1: "My dad knows everything!"

Kid 2: "Then why does he wear glasses?"

22. Kid 1: "I ate a clock yesterday."

Kid 2: "That’s time-consuming!"

23. Kid 1: "Why did the scarecrow win an award?"

Kid 2: "Because he was outstanding in his field!"

24. Kid 1: "What’s brown and sticky?"

Kid 2: "A stick!"

25. Kid 1: "Why don’t scientists trust atoms?"

Kid 2: "Because they make up everything!"

26. Kid 1: "Why did the math book look sad?"

Kid 2: "Because it had too many problems!"

27. Kid 1: "What do you call a fake noodle?"

Kid 2: "An impasta!"

28. Kid 1: "Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?"

Kid 2: "Because he wanted to go to high school!"

29. Kid 1: "What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?"

Kid 2: "A carrot!"

30. Kid 1: "Why did the kid eat his homework?"

Kid 2: "Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!"

Домашние животные (Pets & Funny Animals)

31. Kid: "My dog is a genius!"

Friend: "How?"

Kid: "I told him to bark if 2+2=4, and he didn’t!"

32. Kid: "Why did the cat sit on the computer?"

Mom: "Why?"

Kid: "To keep an eye on the mouse!"

33. Kid: "My goldfish died."

Friend: "That’s sad. How old was he?"

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «Литрес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на Литрес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.