Russian Satire. Book ofQuotations inRussian & English
 


Russian Satire is a parallel text collection of over five hundred carefully selected and categorized quotations, sourced from the works of more than forty writers and translated from Russian into English. This book will appeal to anyone interested in Russian culture, and will be of great use to learners of Russian or English as foreign languages.





Russian Satire

Book of Quotations in Russian & English



  



Illustrator Volha Zhybryk

Editor Roxanne Daruwalla

Compiled by Alexander Popov



   , 2026

 Volha Zhybryk, illustrations, 2026



ISBN 978-5-0053-7899-6

Created with Ridero smart publishing system




Introduction


Satire is tragedy plus time, as stated by Lenny Bruce, the famous comedian and social critic. Centuries must pass, he wrote, before any tragic event or account of an arch-villain may suitably appear in satirical works.



Westerners may have a chronological outlook and a logical perception of past events, while Russians have exhibited their own peculiar attitude towards time and perpetual adversity, which they indefatigably treat as temporary. Considering Russias long, lurid history and paradoxical present, satire concerning itself and its people is the inexhaustible resource which remains in abundance.



Juvenal, a Roman poet, wrote: It is difficult not to write satire. Had he ever lived in Russia, he would have stated that it was impossible not to.



This books represents what the word satire (Lat. satura) initially meant  a dish filled with a mixture of various ingredients. This satirical medley comprises the quotations of writers and satirists of different epochs, genres and political beliefs. Being a dual-language book, it would be an appropriate tool for those learning either English or Russian as a foreign language. It is also perfect for anyone who enjoys original humour and lesser-known quotes from Russian satirists and writers.



We would like to apologize in advance that some of the quotations may be misattributed. This may partly be because some satirists and stand-up artists formed collaborations, leading audiences to associate certain quotes and anecdotes with the performers rather than the writers. We must also note that there are such sentiments that arise equally in the statements and stories of various individuals, leading to quotations that may be both original and almost identical to others. This overlap of thought and ideas is to be expected among comedians who, through their perspicacity and powers of observation, have a deeper understanding of the social and political landscape of their country.














Russia and Beyond /   



   ,      ,    . ( )



If a person is happy with his government, he is either out of the picture, or a part of it. (Semyon Altov)



* * *

      . ( )



Our standard of life is their level of death. (Semyon Altov)



* * *

    ,    .  ,   . ( )



Wherever no man has set foot, it is still possible to live. Civilization is where there is no one. (Semyon Altov)



* * *

        - . ( )



The foreign land depressed me with its unnatural cleanness and there was a suspicious smell of something tasty in the air. (Semyon Altov)



* * *

  : ,    ,  , , ! ( )



I crawled a bit closer and saw that they were crossing themselves and drinking vodka. Well, they are Russians then! (Nikolai Leskov)



* * *

   . ( )



There is no impossibility in Russia. (Nikolai Leskov)



* * *

 ,       :  . ( )



I am afraid that Russian literature has only one future  in its past. (Yevgeny Zamyatin)



* * *

  . ( )



The speechless nation curses. The nation curses in its speechlessness. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

   ,      ? ( )



When China becomes a superpower, will it win back Siberia from the USA? (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

      . ( )



The nation has invested all its fortune into devaluation. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

 ,    . ( )



The nation votes without getting involved in politics. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

    . ( )



The blame for a war lies with the defeated. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

    ,  . ( )



We once scared the world with our power. Now we scare them with our weakness. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

   ,    ! ( )



We have bad people but such a good nation! (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

,   ,    . ( )



A person who hates other nations has no love for his own. (Nikolay Dobrolyubov)



* * *

   -    . ( )



Russia is a correctional labour colony for incorrigible optimists. (Andrei Knyshev)



* * *

     :

 19- .  ?

 20 .  - 

3050- .  !..

7080- .  ?

90- .   ?!

. 21 .  ,   ? ( )



The frequently-discussed question of the Russian intelligentsia transformed throughout the ages.

At the end of the 19th century: What is to be done?

Early 1920s: Weve got to do something

1930s-1950s: What is being done?!

19701980s: What can you do?

1990s: What the hell are we doing? Beginning of the 21st century: Dont you have anything better to do? (Andrei Knyshev)



* * *

      . ( )



Democracy is the dictatorship of each and every one against one another. (Andrei Knyshev)



* * *

,       . ( )



It seems that the chariot of history is not designed for our roads. (Victor Shenderovich)



* * *

           . ( )



Love and hatred of ones homeland are two sides of the same coin. (Victor Shenderovich)



* * *

,     . ( )



Our past, it seems, has great potential to be rewritten in the future. (Victor Shenderovich)



* * *

      . ( )



Russian history is a perpetual fight between ignorance and injustice. (Mikhail Zhvanetsky)



* * *

      ,  ,  . ( )



No matter what a man does in Russia, it is impossible not to feel sorry for him. (Mikhail Veller)



* * *

   ,  . ( )



You can find everything in Moscow except for the truth. (Mikhail Veller)



* * *

  , -     , , -     . ( ׸)



Cretins are extremely rare, as are truly Russian people. Truly Russian people are, therefore, very likely to be cretins. (Sasha Chorny)



* * *

      . ( )



In Russia, the severity of laws is diminished by the general disinclination to uphold them. (Pyotr Vyazemsky)



* * *

   ,   . ( )



In Russia good things occur, and bad things come true. (Pyotr Vyazemsky)



* * *

   ,    ,   . ( )



Russia is a country of the future because its past is awful, and its present is gloomy. (Sergei Dovlatov)



* * *

        ,     . ( )



The dream of Russian doctors is for the poor to always be healthy and the rich to always be sick. (Mikhail Zadornov)



* * *

H   ,   . ( )



It is easier for us to invent an off-road vehicle than to repair our roads. (Mikhail Zadornov)



* * *

   .    ,      . ( )



We are extraordinary people  we want to live like everyone else, and yet be different from them. (Mikhail Zadornov)



* * *

  ,     ,  ,     . ( )



Only a Russian man, if allowed to do anything, will do nothing at all. (Mikhail Zadornov)



* * *

    ,     . ( )



Their capitalism is decaying socially, while our socialism is decaying capitally. (Mikhail Zadornov)



* * *

   ,    . ( )



A Russian man likes to remember, but does not like to live. (Anton Chekhov)



* * *

  ,      :       ! ( )



He hired actors so they could relay his thoughts to the people. The authorities turned out to be craftier  they hired the spectators. (Grigori Gorin)



* * *

         . ( )



We take the junk to our country home in the hope that some things will be filched. (Vladimir Polyakov)



* * *

        . ( )



Authorities abuse their nation as if more nations are in stock. (Vladimir Polyakov)



* * *

       . ( )



The struggle against idleness and hangover is a nationwide battle. (Vladimir Polyakov)



* * *

 ,  ,    . ( )



The letter of the law is not, I suspect, from our alphabet. (Victor Fraida)



* * *

     . ( )



The winds of change have begun to blow over the scrapyard of history. (Victor Fraida)



* * *

   

   ,

   ,

  ,

  

  , 

    

   . ( )



If you want to go west by hijacking a plane

And you need a tool with which to threaten the flight crew,

Take the national newspapers, read headlines to them 

They will fly away with you to any other lands. (Grigoriy Oster)









Values and Society /   



  .     .      .  ,     . ( )



I love people. I am ready to hug them all. To hug and hold them tight. To hold them so tight that they can no longer utter a sound. (Arkady Averchenko)



* * *

                   :      ,        ( )



Putting aside their other qualities, truly fine gentlemen may be successful in public and high society only in two cases. Either when they are good at telling jokes, or when they tell no jokes at all. (Arkady Averchenko)



* * *

    :   ,    .         . ( )



One can take it as a rule: a monarchy survives on account of its ancestors, while a republic lives due to its descendants. In constitutional states there is a mixture of both. (Arkady Averchenko)



* * *

     . ( )



His honesty is merely a result of an inadequate imagination. (Arkady Averchenko)



* * *

    , ,   . ( )



Before you feel humiliated, make sure you have been humiliated. (Semyon Altov)



* * *

         ,   -   . ( )



Who are we to drink tea at your table when we cannot even put on a frowning look such as yours. (Nikolai Leskov)



* * *

      :    ,     . ( )



Even in ancient times the most aged people were aware that the source of law is power. Law is a function of power. (Yevgeny Zamyatin)



* * *

 ,      . ( )



I am a human being and nothing bestial is foreign to me. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

, ,    ,   . ( )



Liberty, equality, fraternity are like the fabled Swan, Pike, and Crawfish. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

  ,  . ( )



When prices bite, the nation goes savage. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

 ,  .    . ( )



It is better to over-promise than to under-promise. Nobody likes the greedy. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

 :   . ( )



Cheops Law: useless things will forever be built. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

   . ( )



Wars are won by looters. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

       ,  ,   . ( )



Humanity occasionally comes to its senses, like an alcoholic who is perpetually giving up drinking. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

   ,   . ( )



If you cannot sell your talent, it is considered mediocre. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

  ,   . ( )



If Evil wins, it is proclaimed to be Good. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

  ,   . ( )



A human being is spaceward animal. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

   ! ( )



An honest politician cannot be resold. (Arkady Davidowitz)



* * *

     . (-)



Shooting is thought transference. (Don-Aminado)



* * *

       ,    . (-)



A shy person will feel constrained everywhere  both on the subway and in the kingdom of heaven. (Don-Aminado)



* * *

   ,   . (-)



It is better to be relatively truthful than approximately honest. (Don-Aminado)



* * *

  ,   ,   . (-)



It is customary not to hit a man when he is down. Instead, one just patiently waits till he gets up. (Don-Aminado)



* * *

       . (-)



The golden age of military science is only possible during peacetime. (Don-Aminado)



* * *

     ,   ,    . ( )



Nobody hits a weakling so mercilessly as a person who is only slightly stronger than they are. (Alexander Zinoviev)



* * *

     (     !),       ,  ,      . ( )



If your social status is visible at a glance, everything else about you can be known, including the way you live and what you think. (Alexander Zinoviev)



* * *

     ,     . ( )



It is immoral to teach people morality under conditions in which morality deteriorates their life. (Alexander Zinoviev)



* * *

 ,         ,     ,  ,  . ( )



In situations where all norms of behaviour and reaction are disrupted, an adequate person appears to be a coward, a scoundrel, or two-faced. (Alexander Zinoviev)



* * *

   ,      ,   .          . ( )



They have drummed into us that a nation is an utterly positive entity an innocent victim of villains. A real nation, in actual fact, can be utterly evil. (Alexander Zinoviev)



* * *

  ,    ,   . ( )



We have created a civilization that dooms people to loneliness  a civilization of the lonesome. (Alexander Zinoviev)



* * *

 .    ,            . ( )



You only live once. Establish yourself in such a way that others wont be too disgusted by your short-term existence. (Alexander Zinoviev)



* * *

       ,      . ( )



If a pickpocket slips his hand into your empty pocket, it does not mean that he is innocent. (Emil Krotky)



* * *

     ,  . ( )



A vicious dog is barking mentally even when it is silent. (Emil Krotky)



* * *

     :       !. ( )



Two placards were placed at a dog show: Dogs are mans best friend and Beware of the dogs!. (Emil Krotky)



* * *

     . ( )



For every man in charge there is a man with a grudge. (Emil Krotky)



* * *

     ,     . ( )



A mouse gave itself credit for not eating the cat. (Emil Krotky)



* * *

,    ,      . ( )



When he said that everything real is rational, Hegel wasnt talking about us. (Emil Krotky)



* * *

    ,    ,  . ( )



If thieves constituted a majority, honesty would be a punishable offence. (Emil Krotky)



* * *

     . (.   . )



An honest person does not know much about life. (I. Ilf and Y. Petrov)



* * *

    ,      ,    . (.   . )



In a competition of liars, the winner is the one who is telling the truth. (I. Ilf and Y. Petrov)



* * *

   , ,  ,  , .    ,   . ( )



I am a very kind and smart person by nature  I like music, fishing, cats. And then, all of a sudden, I can make such an eyewatering mess. (Evgeny Schwartz)



* * *

        . ( )



Several generations may fall through the gap between epochs. (Victor Shenderovich)



* * *

    ,   ,  ,     ,   . ( )



All that of humanitys recollection that has fallen into the historical abyss was toppled in collectively, with flags and cult-objects and shouts of Hurray!. (Victor Shenderovich)



* * *

     ,          ,    - . ( )



We should not be annoyed by those who have grown rich. Unlike them, only we may feel honest and decent. (Mikhail Zhvanetsky)



* * *

    ,      . ( )



Truth is too pricey a product to buy in its pure form. (Mikhail Veller)



* * *

   XXI . ( )



Political correctness is the obscurantism of the 21st century. (Mikhail Veller)



* * *

           .       ,     .        .   - . ( )



In the Middle Ages, a public execution was a citywide celebration and free entertainment for the masses. Whole families, with kids and pregnant women, would flock to them early in the morning to find the best spots. Such scenes are only shown at the cinema nowadays, but they are still very highly rated. (Mikhail Veller)



* * *

     ,    ,       . ( )



Absolutely everything can be explained by means of an interaction between God and the Devil. (Mikhail Veller)



* * *

     ,   . ( )



While the benefits of morality always have an abstract form, its harms are concrete. (Mikhail Veller)



* * *

     ,      .    ,         . ( -)



In order to be a successful thief, you only need dexterity and greed. Greed is especially important  you can go on trial even for petty theft. (Mikhail Saltykov-Shchedrin)



* * *

     ,       . ( -)



Utterly insignificant words are printed in the largest font, while everything noteworthy is found in the small print. (Mikhail Saltykov-Shchedrin)



* * *

     . ( )



We see the faults of others as our own virtues. (Mikhail Svetlov)



* * *

            . ( )



A normal society allows musicians and artists to use underground crosswalks for their intended purpose. (Vladimir Vishnevsky)



* * *



 ,

 ,

  

  .

 

   

   -,

  .

( )



TV

The Idiots lantern

Alike a rat race

Among all the whingers

The utmost disgrace.

The aim is to broadcast

Til the End of all Time

The acts that surpassed

In their viciousness mine.

(Dmitry Bykov)



* * *

   ,    ,    ,        . ( )



One of the gravest feelings of our time is the perception of impending absurdity, now that insanity has become a common occurrence. (Sergei Dovlatov)



* * *

      . ( )



Self-righteous certainty is not proof. (Sergei Dovlatov)



* * *

     ,       . ( )



All normal people have complexes  only degenerates and skiers are devoid of them. (Sergei Dovlatov)



* * *

      ?       .     . ( )



What is the difference between a corpse and a deceased person? In the first case it is a dead body, in the second a dead personality. (Sergei Dovlatov)



* * *

   :  ?  , , , .       :    ? ( )



A person is used to asking himself: What am I? A scientist, a driver, a Jew, an immigrant? A person should instead ask himself: Am I an asshole? (Sergei Dovlatov)



* * *

      ! ( )



Knowledge arises from the history of attention to nature. (Mikhail Zadornov)




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