Uliana Sunny, Ульяна Солнечная
Stop. Dont Repeat My Mistakes. My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice

Stop. Don’t Repeat My Mistakes.

My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice.

1. Why, when we finally feel ready—to quit a job, leave a destructive relationship with a boyfriend or husband, or move to another city—do months and years pass while we wait?

When I make a decision, I go. I start taking action. I don’t wait until I feel ready. Readiness is my choice.

It sounds so simple, but for years I deceived myself with the illusion that I wasn’t ready yet—that I should “wait.” When you decide to act and you are already ready, but the people around you—and even your own inner critic—keep telling you, “Wait. It’s not the right time yet. You haven’t built up enough strength. You haven’t developed enough confidence. You haven’t saved enough resources,” doubts and fear begin to creep in.

It’s a state of inner resistance that appears right before you move into action.

But I’m understanding more and more deeply that readiness isn’t some magical state that descends upon you like a revelation or divine grace. It’s an act. It’s a decisive switch in your mind: “I choose this path, and all other options are off the table.”

Many people think readiness means that everything feels easy, that your fears have disappeared, that you feel butterflies in your stomach from anticipation. But that’s a lie that movies and social media sell us.

True readiness is born at the exact moment when you say “yes” and can no longer say “no,” because something inside you has clicked into place.

We keep waiting for readiness to appear: waiting until we finally dare to leave a job, walk away from a destructive relationship with a boyfriend or husband, or move to another city. And while we wait, months and years pass.

We wait for this state as if it will come on its own, like the weather.

But it isn’t a state.

It’s a choice.

Readiness is a decision you have made.

“I am ready.”

And the moment you make that decision, you are already ready to change the way you see yourself, quit drinking, quit smoking, start exercising, learn foreign languages, stop communicating with people who drain your energy, and so on.

If you are ready to choose something, you simply decide:

“From this moment on, I will not compare myself to anyone. I will not waste my time and energy scrolling through other people’s social media. I will not discuss other people’s lives.”

Create your own readiness.

And that’s it.

Period.

No more “I’ll try.”

No more “We’ll see.”

There is only:

“I am doing it.”

And this whole “I’m waiting” thing? It really means:

“I’m waiting for resources.”

I’m waiting until I have enough strength, enough courage, enough inner determination to take that step.

I’m waiting until I stop feeling sorry for myself, stop making excuses, stop slipping back into the past, stop replaying old hurts and traumas.

But here’s the paradox:

Your spirit doesn’t grow stronger through waiting. Your spirit grows stronger through action.

Through the first step—even if it’s awkward, even if your knees are shaking with fear.

And for that inner strength to appear, you need two things.

First, you need to train it—every day, through the smallest things.

Do what scares you but matters.

Say “no” where you used to say “yes.”

Choose yourself when the whole world is screaming, “Be convenient. Be easy. Be agreeable.”

Second, you need to understand your goals—not abstractly, but concretely, almost tangibly.

What are you doing this for?

When you have a clear goal, it becomes a lighthouse.

Ask yourself:

Why do you want to lose weight?

Is it for the number on the scale?

Or is it so you can feel light in your body, look in the mirror and smile, and like yourself—not because other people approve of you, but because you do?

Why do you want to stop eating sweets?

Is it for your health?

For more energy?

So you don’t fall into shame after every pastry?

And why do you want to move?

Is it because of the new city?

Or because of that feeling of freedom—the feeling that you get to choose your own path, your own mornings, your own neighbors?

I’m not talking about doing things for possessions, status, or because “everyone else is doing it.”

I’m talking about your inner state.

How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning?

How do you want to breathe?

How do you want to feel in your body, in your heart, in your skin?

What state of being do you want to leave a man for?

Not for the sake of being alone.

But so you can stop shrinking into a little ball every time he walks into the room.

So you can feel your own worth without needing his approval.

How do you want to feel?

Free. Whole. Alive.

You need to close your eyes and imagine that state—imagine that you have already connected with this decision, that it has become a part of your very being.

Imagine every detail:

Where are you?

What do you see outside the window?

Who is beside you?

What are you wearing?

What does your laughter sound like?

When you have lived through this feeling inside yourself, everything else becomes simply a series of steps.

Mechanics.

From there, your feet start moving on their own.

Motivation appears on its own, like the wind filling the sails.

The moment your brain understands:

“Yes. I need this. I will feel better there than I feel here.”

—it stops sabotaging you.

It starts looking for opportunities instead of obstacles.

Everything else is simply a sequence of actions.

Just logistics.

Just daily life.

Just a schedule.

Mechanics.

And mechanics, as we know, obeys the person who knows where they are going.

What matters is that you explain to yourself, on the level of your inner state, that this is your choice.

Not your mother’s.

Not your friends’.

Not society’s expectations.

Yours.

When your choice comes from within—from that image of a happier future—it becomes incredibly powerful.

And then you no longer have to wait until you “mature” or “finally become ready.”

You are already ready the moment you see that picture and say:

“I want this.”

2. When Your Basic Needs Are Taken Care Of or You Finally Have Money, There’s Only One Thing You Want: To Rest

“If you want a woman to grow and develop, give her safety.”

This isn’t entirely true.

I hear this statement very often from coaches, psychologists, and men who want to “provide a secure foundation.” And there is a profound truth in it—but only half the truth.

The idea is based on the belief that feminine energy, true feminine energy, is love, creativity, nurturing, and acceptance. And this is indeed true: under chronic stress, when a woman is forced to survive and fight for basic necessities, her creative potential contracts like a flower in a drought.

Where have you ever seen an artist create a masterpiece while living under constant stress?

Or a woman raise a child with tenderness and patience when there is a war raging inside her?

In stress, aggression, irritation, and anger always rise to the surface—defense mechanisms that don’t allow tenderness to unfold.

For a woman to live according to her nature and to earn money in a way that is truly aligned with her feminine nature—that is, through inspiration, attraction, and co-creation—she needs a sense of safety.

When her basic needs are taken care of—a roof over her head, food, the ability not to worry about tomorrow, support—that is like fertile soil.

But here’s what’s interesting:

Often, when a woman finally finds that safety—marries a financially secure man, receives an inheritance, or moves to a peaceful place—she suddenly doesn’t want to do anything.

She doesn’t rush off to create.

She doesn’t launch a business.

She doesn’t write books.

She freezes.

And this contradicts the myth that if you give a woman safety, she will immediately “flutter around,” shine, and start fulfilling her potential.

No.

Why does this happen?

Because very few women truly understand that it is possible to grow from a place of safety.

Most of us have spent our entire lives proving ourselves, fighting, overcoming obstacles. We are used to living on adrenaline, scarcity, and the constant feeling of “I have to.”

And when that scarcity suddenly disappears, there is emptiness.

We don’t know what to do with ourselves.

We are tired—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

Our energy has already run out. We’ve burned out before we even got to the starting line.

And when we get married, when our basic needs are finally covered, or when we simply start having money, there is only one thing we want:

To rest.

To lie on the couch.

Watch TV shows.

Not think about breakfast.

Not rush anywhere.

And that is completely normal.

It’s not laziness.

It’s not weakness.

It’s exhaustion.

That’s why women so often—and I was exactly the same way—may do some things, of course, but not in a way that makes them want to dedicate every single day to their family or their first husband.

I just wanted to be.

And very often, a woman wants to focus on everyday life and family for a long time—especially if she never had the chance to fully experience that part of herself before.

Because first, you need to be nourished by what was once forbidden.

You need to give her the opportunity to experience and embody that part of herself—to be a wife, to be a homemaker, to feel the taste of comfort and coziness.

And then, when she realizes that she has “played that role out,” when that chapter has been fully lived, she can begin to redirect her energy toward something new.

These are stages.

Phases.

Like steps on a staircase.

You can’t skip over rest and immediately throw yourself into ambitious projects.

It doesn’t work like this:

“Give a woman money and freedom, and she’ll immediately run off to fulfill her creative potential.”

No.

Very often, a woman will simply lie down on the couch and stay there.

She will recover her nervous system.

And after some time, she will finally exhale.

And perhaps, for the first time in her life, she will ask herself:

“What do I actually want? Not my family. Not my husband. What do I want?”

And these realizations come slowly, like the first rays of sunlight after a long winter.

They take time.

And finding what you can create out of love rather than obligation may take years.

But it is incredibly important not to give up.

To keep searching.

To keep listening to yourself.

To keep trying small things—not for the sake of results, but for the sake of joy.

Buy something for a hobby you’ve always wanted to explore.

Sign up for a sport or a dance class and simply move your body.

Write down your thoughts or a poem and don’t show it to anyone.

Read about something that genuinely interests you and inspires you to explore a new idea, a new project, or perhaps your own business.

Don’t think:

“That’s it. My husband has taken care of all my needs, and now I have to go build some complicated business just to justify my existence.”

No.

If all your basic needs are taken care of, it means the world has given you permission to exhale.

That’s it.

You don’t have to run.

You don’t have to prove anything.

You can breathe.

And you can take this time—this sacred time that belongs to no one else—and use it to find the resource, the niche, and the financial opportunities that you can pursue from your own feminine potential.

From the state of:

“I exist. I am already valuable. And I create from a place of fullness, not from a place of emptiness.”

That is the true feminine path.

Not a race.

But a return to yourself.

And safety is only the launchpad.

It is not the destination.

The destination is that inner picture that lights up inside you when you close your eyes and know:

“I came here to be happy.”

And after that?

The steps.

The mechanics.

Life.

And life is beautiful.

3. Self-Esteem Is Not Born from Fixing Your Weaknesses, but from Cultivating Your Strengths

The best way to improve your self-esteem is to stop focusing on what you can’t do and start focusing on your strengths.

I know it sounds cliché, but how many times have we ignored this simple principle?

Most people spend their entire lives trying to fight their weaknesses, as if they were pulling out weeds, while forgetting to water the flowers that have already started to grow.

And perfect people don’t exist. They never will.

But from childhood, we’ve had this idea drilled into our heads:

“You need to be better. Work on your mistakes. Fix your weak spots.”

And so we rush off to fix ourselves.

Imagine someone tells you:

“Oh, you don’t know how to rollerblade.”

And because it hits a nerve, you go and spend countless hours trying to learn how to rollerblade.

Not because you actually want to.

But because it hurt you.

Because someone dared to question your worth.

And you spend years trying to prove to that person—or to yourself—that you are not a “loser.”

But in this race, you lose sight of your real talents—the ones you were born with, like a unique code written into you.

Let’s say you have a natural talent for tennis.

You play in a way no one else does—with curiosity, an intuitive understanding of technique, and a genuine love for the game.

Why do you need to be a ten out of ten at everything?

Why do you need to learn how to rollerblade if you could become an incredible athlete, perhaps even a coach who goes on to teach hundreds of people?

And if you hate cooking—don’t cook.

You don’t have to spend decades learning how to cook, forcing yourself to stand over the stove, rereading recipes again and again just so you can become the “perfect homemaker.”

And what for? )))

Of course, you’ll learn if you’re forced to. Survival will make sure of that.

But you won’t have that drive.

That fire.

That natural talent.

You’ll be doing it against your will, which means your energy will be drained for no real purpose, and the result will be mediocre.

Now imagine what happens when you take your strengths and go all in on them.

When you invest yourself completely.

When you develop them, deepen them, and turn them into your signature—your unique edge, your personal brand.

Your self-esteem will skyrocket.

Because every single day, you’ll be able to see yourself succeeding.

Recognition will come.

Financial success will come.

Money will come.

Not because you forced yourself to earn it, but because you’re doing something you’re naturally good at.

And you’ll do it with joy.

With ease.

It will feel almost like you’re playing.

But when you start fighting yourself—when you try to be “the right person” instead of being alive—everything starts going sideways.

The results may still be there, but they’re empty.

They have no soul.

So stop digging through your flaws as if you’re rummaging through an old handbag.

Take a piece of paper.

Write down your five greatest talents.

And then ask yourself:

“What have I done today to awaken them?”

And do something about them every single day.

That is the path to genuine self-esteem—the kind that isn’t fragile, the kind that doesn’t depend on other people’s opinions or approval.

4. Independence and Adaptability Are Skills You Can Develop Until You Become Unstoppable

My biggest piece of advice to all women is this: train your muscles of independence and adaptability.

The moment you learn to handle anything new with complete calm, the moment you stop being afraid of the unknown, the moment you can dive into all that unfamiliar territory without the inner scream of:

“Oh God, what if I travel abroad and lose my ticket? What if my phone breaks? What if I can’t find my way?”

—you become unstoppable.

Not just confident.

Unstoppable.

Because external circumstances stop feeling like threats.

They become nothing more than scenery—something you can change whenever you choose.

Many women want to improve their self-esteem, learn how to make money, get a high-level position, or achieve some other external marker of success.

But they miss the most important thing:

Adaptability isn’t the ability to bend yourself to fit everyone else. It’s the ability to quickly adjust to any environment.

Train yourself to adapt quickly to anything new.

That is the highest level of survival—and growth.

The world will never be stable.

The rules change every second.

Technology, markets, people, crises—it’s all chaos.

And you have only two choices:

Cling to the old and pray that the storm passes you by.

Become water.

Being adaptable means not waiting for the environment to change for you.

It means staying one step ahead of it.

You fall—and you get back up differently.

The old way doesn’t work—and you find a new approach.

You lose everything—and you find opportunities where everyone else sees only ruins.

Remember:

All great discoveries and breakthroughs have happened precisely at the intersection of change.

Those who are afraid of the new remain stuck in the past.

Those who run toward the unknown are the ones who write history.

Your adaptability is the mindset of a winner.

It gives you freedom.

You aren’t tied to a place, a person, or a set of rigid patterns.

You go wherever there is a challenge.

And you always come out ahead, because you turn every twist of fate into a launching pad.

Don’t be afraid of looking awkward in a new environment.

Be afraid of becoming rigid in a world that is constantly moving forward.

Be fluid.

Be quick.

Be adaptable.

Then no change will ever break you.

It will only make you stronger and take you somewhere you never even dreamed of going.

So how do you actually develop this in practice?

Start right now.

Ask yourself:

“What would I do differently if I could adapt instantly?”

And then do it.

Don’t wait for some major life change.

Start small.

Try new workouts, even if they feel scary and unfamiliar.

Experiment with new sports, yoga, dancing, rock climbing—anything that teaches your body and mind not to freeze when faced with something new, but to switch on and find a new rhythm.

Go to new places.

Not your usual park, but a forest you’ve never explored.

A neighborhood you’ve never visited.

A gallery you’ve always walked past without noticing.

Change your route to work, even if it seems silly.

Take a different road.

Look at different shop windows.

Let new images and experiences enter your mind.

Go into new stores.

Try new restaurants where people speak another language or serve food you’ve never tasted before.

Talk to new people.

Not just the two friends you feel comfortable with, but a colleague from another department, a neighbor, a barista, or a stranger from another country standing in line next to you.

All of this is a deliberate departure from stability.

A voluntary step outside your comfort zone.

And it is precisely in these moments that you train a flexible mind, a resilient nervous system, and a genuine curiosity about life.

Eventually, you stop being afraid of losing your stability because you are training yourself to know that you can quickly build a new life wherever you go.

Imagine arriving in a new country where everything is unfamiliar—the language, the food, the rules, the people.

But you don’t panic.

Instead, your trained reflex kicks in:

“Oh, something new! Let’s figure it out.”

You meet new people.

You communicate.

You build connections.

You learn how the system works.

And after a few days, you realize that this entire world is suddenly becoming familiar.

It fits into the palm of your hand.

You can navigate it.

It’s not scary.

It’s simply different.

But if you shut yourself inside your apartment with the curtains drawn, communicate with only two people, and walk the same paths every day, then of course everything will feel frightening.

Even a phone call from a stranger can make you tremble.

That’s not because you’re weak.

It’s because your muscle of independence and adaptability simply hasn’t been trained.

But muscles can be trained.

Every single day.

Even if it’s something as small as choosing a new soap for your shower or reading a book in a genre you’ve never tried before.

Start.

And in a month, you’ll be amazed at how easily you handle things that once would have sent you into a panic.

You will become someone who isn’t afraid of losing a job, a home, or a relationship—because you know that wherever you end up, you can create something new.

That is true freedom.

5. Procrastination and Apathy: A Cry from the Soul That You’re Living Someone Else’s Life

What do you do when you have no energy, when you’re constantly procrastinating, when every day feels like a battle, and you can’t even get yourself off the couch?

You constantly want to be lazy, escape from your responsibilities, scroll through social media, or simply stare at the ceiling.

You practically have to drag yourself up by the hair like a stubborn goat just to get something done.

Every action feels impossible.

You grit your teeth.

You resist yourself every step of the way.

There is one simple way to describe this:

You’re living a life that isn’t yours.

Your soul has already left.

Your body is simply dragging itself forward out of inertia.

And if you want to change this, you need to stop and honestly, without any sugarcoating, ask yourself:

“What am I actually doing with my life? What brings me joy?”

If you think about it and find very little, if you realize that most of your actions are obligations that exhaust you until there’s nothing left, then the answer is obvious.

Imagine your morning.

The alarm rings, and you hate it like an enemy.

You put on clothes you don’t actually want to wear, but the ones that are simply “there” and “not worth ruining.”

You squeeze onto an overcrowded subway or bus, being shaken around while breathing in the smell of strangers.

You go to a job that hasn’t brought you joy or meaning for three years.

You drag your children to a daycare you never even chose.

In other words, you are building your own personal hell with your own hands.

And of course, you don’t want to wake up to that kind of life.

Your body is actually wiser than you are.

It’s telling you:

“Why should I get up if all that’s waiting for me is suffering?”

And when you don’t want to wake up into your own life, you have no resources left to work, make money, succeed, or take care of other people.

This is where procrastination comes in.

Procrastination isn’t laziness. It’s protection.

It’s your mind’s way of preserving whatever scraps of psychological energy you have left so you don’t lose yourself in a life that feels meaningless.

Understand this:

Procrastination isn’t your enemy. It’s a friend screaming, “Stop! You’re going the wrong way!”

So instead of beating yourself up for it, listen.

Ask yourself:

“What would I do if I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone?”

“If I had enough money that I didn’t have to work, what would I choose to do with my time?”

And answer honestly.

You may realize that you’re living in the wrong body, metaphorically speaking.

Maybe you’ve always dreamed of being an artist, but you’re working as an accountant.

Maybe you wanted to live by the sea, but you’re stuck in a gray city.

Maybe you’re with the wrong person—someone who doesn’t truly see you or hear you.

And then you need to change things.

Maybe even everything.

Don’t be afraid.

Change them.

Because this isn’t really living.

It’s existing.

And life isn’t supposed to feel like a prison sentence.

Yes, life can be difficult.

Yes, you have to work.

Yes, you have to overcome challenges.

But you can still do all of this with joy, because you’re acting from a place of fullness rather than obligation.

You’re doing what you want.

What you choose.

What you love.

And when you start building your days around small joys and your genuine desires, your energy will slowly return.

Start with the smallest things.

Choose clothes you actually like, not just the ones that are “practical.”

Make a breakfast you love, not simply the fastest one.

Give yourself half an hour every day to do something that inspires you:

A cappuccino in a beautiful place.

Learning a language.

Reading.

Going for a walk.

Working out.

Dancing.

Little by little, you’ll move from the prison of “I have to” into the freedom of “I want to.”

And then procrastination will have far less power over you.

Because you’ll have an inner engine that is stronger than any habit of avoidance.

You deserve a life you actually want to wake up to.

And you can create it.

Start today.

6. You Have an Ocean of Energy—You’re Just Pouring It Down the Drain

One of the biggest misconceptions people have is:

“I don’t have any energy.”

That’s a lie you keep selling yourself—a cheap substitute for the truth.

The reality is that you have an enormous amount of energy.

We all do.

A colossal, almost unimaginable amount.

The problem is that you don’t know how to handle it.

You don’t know how to direct this powerful current.

And so you end up draining it away.

You pour it out uselessly, like water from a broken pipe, and then wonder why you end up depleted, apathetic, and chronically exhausted.

Because energy cannot tolerate stagnation.

It either flows into something meaningful—or it starts destroying everything around it, including you.

For example, you may have a deep inner desire to do something.

To create a business project that has been growing inside your mind for years.

To make something with your hands—to sew, carve, sculpt, build.

To grow a garden.

To work with soil and plants.

To create order in your home.

Or even to move to a new city and start your life from scratch.

That desire is alive inside you.

It gives you energy.

It gets you out of bed in the morning.

But you’re afraid to act on it.

Why?

Because you want stability.

You want the familiar swamp where everything is predictable—even if it’s gray, stagnant, and suffocating.

You’re afraid of losing your imaginary sense of security.

You’re afraid to step into the unknown, where you might fail, lose face, waste time, or lose money.

And because of that fear, you start frantically asking yourself:

“Where can I pour all this energy? What can I do with it so I don’t explode from the tension?”

You don’t want to do the thing that actually matters.

It’s too serious.

It requires too much responsibility.

Too much commitment.

Too much of you.

So instead, you start looking for something that will give you an immediate hit of pleasure.

Something that will create at least the illusion of fulfillment.

You endlessly scroll through videos at night like a zombie.

You binge-watch shows that leave you feeling empty the next morning.

You look for distractions.

Maybe you buy a bottle of wine or some other alcohol to “relax.”

Maybe you go out and party.

Maybe you find someone for a one-night stand.

Maybe you go dancing.

Anything to drown out that inner calling.

And what are you actually doing?

You’re pouring all your precious fuel into those distractions.

All that life force that could have built your empire, written your book, grown your garden, or created something meaningful.

Sometimes you pick fights with strangers over nothing.

Or you fight with your partner—perhaps even subconsciously provoking conflict because you need somewhere to release all that heat inside you.

So much energy gets wasted on arguments, fears, alcohol, sugar, overeating, unhealthy habits, and exhausting “work”—the kind of activity you don’t actually need and that only makes your life harder.

You are making your own life harder.

Why?

So you don’t have to do the things that would actually make your life easier.

Simpler.

Brighter.

Happier.

Because you simply don’t know what to do with all this energy.

This divine, almost unbearably powerful energy that you are given every day.

Every morning.

Every breath.

Every moment.

You don’t know how to receive it.

You don’t know how to direct it.

You don’t know how to trust it.

You think that if you allow yourself to fully experience your own power, it will overwhelm you.

But the truth is:

It won’t destroy you. It will lift you.

So stop pouring your energy into the drain.

Start digging a riverbed for it.

Give it somewhere to flow.

Let it move toward the places where you are most yourself.

Toward the places where your soul wants to express itself.

And then your energy will stop being a problem.

It will become your greatest fuel.

7. Happiness Isn’t About Money—It’s About Your State. BUT. Money Comes from Your State.

Crisis.

The fear of running out of money.

The fear that you won’t be able to earn enough, achieve your goals and dreams, or reach all those heights you’ve planned for yourself.

These are such familiar, sticky fears. They live somewhere in the back of almost every woman’s mind.

When I started earning more money, I honestly can’t say that my life changed dramatically.

My income grew four, six, eight times over time—but the numbers changed. Did I?

When I analyzed why this happened, I realized something:

I simply started saving more money and distributing it differently.

But there was no sudden moment when I thought:

“Oh my God! Finally!”

Of course, I bought myself some things and invested some of the money into my life. That felt good. It was enjoyable.

But I never deprived myself of the things I needed—even when my income was modest.

I still went to see a cosmetologist.

I got massages.

I worked out.

I went to nice restaurants and ate delicious food.

Because my body and mind needed those things.

And now, if I feel like having a beautiful breakfast by myself or going out for dinner with my girlfriends, I do it regardless of my income.

The only thing that changes is the frequency.

If my income goes down for a while, I simply go to restaurants less often.

But I still go.

I still relax.

I still enjoy myself.

And I’m genuinely happy about simple things:

A cappuccino with a beautiful view.

Meeting a friend.

Getting a manicure.

Receiving a compliment.

And here’s something incredibly important to understand:

Life truly transforms and begins to evolve dramatically when your subconscious—your deepest inner self—realizes that these external changes will or will not actually transform the way you experience your life.

Your life is already full.

Your life is already abundant.

If you allow yourself to feel that it is.

I’ve lived my entire life as if I had plenty of money.

And I’m not talking about luxury.

I’m talking about a feeling of freedom.

People sometimes ask me questions about beauty and appearance, and it’s funny because, in reality, there are no objectively “beautiful” or “ugly” women.

There are well-groomed and neglected women.

There are women who radiate warmth, joy, and kindness.

And there are women who carry darkness, sadness, and anger.

And when a man makes a serious choice about a woman, he is ultimately choosing her based on her state, not simply on her appearance.

There is this association that being beautiful means being dependent—that you are supposed to be an ornament for a man who provides for you.

But I’ve always lived as if I were “not beautiful” in that sense.

Meaning, I never made my appearance my only asset.

I never waited for someone to bring me a life on a silver platter.

Even when I was in wonderful relationships, I always looked for ways to earn money independently.

Not because I was afraid of being left without money.

I’ve never really had that fear.

But for a long time, I lived with this belief:

“The universe will send it to me. God will provide.”

I’ve lived that way for most of my life.

But it doesn’t always work like that.

As they say:

“Trust in God, but do your part.”

And I’m not the same person anymore.

Now I see structure.

I respect money more.

I understand responsibility—especially when you live in an expensive city, far away from your home and your parents.

I understand the seriousness of what is happening around me, so I can’t treat money quite as casually as I once did.

Now I have structure and financial planning.

And that’s a wonderful thing.

If I had developed that structure earlier, I probably would have become successful even sooner.

But I didn’t.

I developed it now.

And thank God, I’ve grown financially—but most importantly, I’ve grown mentally.

And this is what I want to tell you:

It is incredibly important to give yourself the life you dream about, regardless of how much money you make today.

Your dream life can absolutely begin today.

The moment you move the source of your happiness from the future into the present, everything changes.

First comes the state. Finances come second.

What does that mean?

It means that first, you need to give yourself the feeling of your dream life—right now, today.

You can imagine that you are already living your ideal life.

You want a car?

Then start feeling like a confident, free woman behind the wheel.

You want beautiful jewelry?

Then imagine yourself already wearing it.

Feel its weight.

See its shine.

You manage money?

Then feel your power over money—not money’s power over you.

You don’t depend on a man?

Then breathe deeply like an adult, self-sufficient woman who isn’t afraid of the world because she knows her own value—and knows that her value can be transformed into money.

That is an incredible state to live from.

I’m thirty-six now.

But about eleven years ago, when I was writing my first lists of dreams, most of my dreams were material.

I wanted breast surgery.

Access to excellent cosmetologists.

Financial support from a man.

A permanent move to Moscow.

Thank God, I’m in a very good period of my life now.

Back then, I dreamed about things that I could actually give myself through intention, hard work, and knowledge.

So I focused.

I gathered information.

I moved to the capital.

I worked hard.

I healed psychologically after my first relationship.

I found a different kind of relationship.

I had the surgery.

And many other things happened.

It was incredibly difficult and full of obstacles.

But I never lost faith in myself.

I wrote about this in my first book, Whole.

Everything I achieved became the result of my own hard work.

As long as you keep hoping for “maybe somehow it’ll work out,” as long as you want to shift responsibility onto a man, a boyfriend, or your parents—you are giving away your own power.

Yes, you can absolutely be in a relationship where a man takes care of you and supports you financially.

There is nothing wrong with that.

But hoping that someone else will build your life for you is a mistake.

Don’t wait.

Take responsibility for your own life.

When you free yourself from the responsibility to act, you make a huge mistake.

You push your real dream further away.

The moment I stopped shifting all the responsibility onto someone else, I understood:

I have to do everything that is within my power.

And everything else?

Life will take care of.

I do everything I can.

I work on my project.

I enjoy myself.

I live.

I work on my mindset so that I can do all of this with pleasure, so that I can find joy in the process.

And my life has become incredibly enjoyable while I’m living it.

I don’t live in the future thinking:

“When I start earning more, I’ll be happy.”

“When I build a big business, I’ll be happy.”

“When I move, I’ll finally be happy.”

Most days, I can stay home.

I can do household chores.

Work on my project.

Write books and methods.

Edit my website.

Host livestreams.

Learn English.

Come up with article ideas.

But I don’t experience work as something heavy.

I’ve changed my relationship with work.

I chose, from all the possible jobs in the world, the one I actually enjoy doing.

And I do it consistently.

I understand that I’m willing to do it for as long as it takes—until I find tools that automate the processes and income streams that can work for me automatically.

And once I automate those things, I’ll move on to something else.

Because life should be lazy, dynamic, and active—all at the same time.

If you have no energy, ask yourself where you’re pouring it.

Because you do have energy.

A lot of it.

People are afraid they won’t be able to handle their own energy, but you need to protect it, accumulate it, and direct it toward your own growth, your projects, and your work.

Your energy should be incredibly valuable.

Because your greatest resource is you.

And you have to stop thinking that happiness is somewhere out there.

That someone else will bring it to you.

No.

I understand how unique and incredible I am as a person.

And that awareness gives me a deeper understanding of the richness of life.

There is no person in this world who can take an unhappy version of me and magically make me happy.

But there are people with whom I will feel amazing.

And there are people with whom I will feel nothing—or feel terrible.

And I choose those people.

But my happiness?

I build that myself.

A state of happiness is my choice.

Instead of choosing suffering, I choose to be happy.

And everything else grows out of that choice.

When I look at my old dreams, most of them were about material things.

There were very few dreams about how I wanted to feel.

Now, most of my dreams are about states of being.

I want to feel healthy.

I want to feel safe.

I want to feel needed and useful.

I want to feel happy.

And those are our true dreams.

Because material things—when you finally have beautiful jewelry, for example—are wonderful.

But they don’t fundamentally change your life.

They simply reinforce my belief that I’m on the right path.

They’re another piece of evidence that I’m moving in the right direction.

They enter my life as something normal.

I don’t have to spend my entire life dreaming about them and asking:

“Why does someone else have this, but I don’t?”

You can have all of it.

But it won’t fundamentally change who you are.

In fact, if you believe material things will make you happy, it can be incredibly painful when you discover that they don’t.

That realization can break you.

So, in order to remove the blocks in your subconscious and allow it to show you the ways to realize your potential, you first need to feel how abundant you already are.

How powerful you already are in this world.

Only then can you fully bring that potential into reality.

And the moment I realized:

“Oh my God. I really am an incredibly rich person.”

—I understood that I am rich because I am not afraid to give.

For example, I often go to church, and I can easily give my belongings to people who need them.

I can let things go.

I don’t become attached to possessions.

I can give money to people close to me when they need it.

I’ve always been this way.

Even when that money was almost all I had left.

And because of this, I know that if a problem appears in my life, I will find a way out of it.

If you don’t know how to manage money, that’s simply a skill.

And skills can be learned.

But first, I realized that I am mentally rich.

I have an enormous amount of trust.

An enormous amount of warmth.

Light.

Love.

Through my state of being, I carry the happiness I need.

All the things I once searched for in other people—care, support, love—they already exist within me.

And in order to enjoy my life, I simply need to take care of my state.

When I’m in a healthy state—when I don’t have destructive habits, when I don’t overeat, when I sleep well, when I feel good in my body—I am a happy person.

And from that state, I can earn money.

I can create.

I can help.

I can make art.

I can love.

And a simple bird can make me happy.

A glass of water.

A ray of sunlight.

But imagine being a billionaire while still being unhappy.

Imagine having everything and still feeling no love, no harmony with yourself, no connection with God, no sense of being truly healthy and alive.

You start believing that everyone wants something from you.

And then you begin holding onto whatever energy you have left, simply trying to survive.

You clench it in your fist.

You hold on.

Instead of relaxing.

Instead of letting go.

Instead of trusting the world.

Relax.

Let go.

Trust.

And when you do, that energy begins to flow toward you again.

Endlessly.

8. If Your Dream Is to Do Nothing, the World Won’t Give You That Dream—Because It Would Destroy You

You want to get married so you don’t have to do anything.

You want a lot of money so you don’t have to do anything.

You want to win a million so you can lie on the couch and never get up again.

You want to meet the right person, make some amazing deal, or find a job where you can make a lot of money without having to work too hard, sweat, struggle, or shed any tears.

You want a partner who will save you—someone who will come along, take you by the hand, pull you out of the swamp you’re stuck in, and carry you into a beautiful life where all you have to do is enjoy yourself, bloom, and thrive.

You want to skip all the mistakes.

Skip the painful life experiences.

Skip the dirt, the falls, the scraped knees, and the nights spent crying hysterically.

You want the world to suddenly act like a kind magician and teleport you into something perfect—into a protected little greenhouse where everything is already prepared, everything is beautiful, and everything has already been decided for you.

I used to be like that.

But let’s be honest.

What happens when a person is given these perfect greenhouse conditions?

Look at wealthy families where a child has never had to worry about money.

Money simply isn’t a problem.

There is food.

Clothes.

A home.

Cars.

Education has already been paid for.

So what problems are left?

Different ones.

But they aren’t any easier.

“I don’t know what the meaning of life is.”

“I don’t know what my value is.”

“Why do I even exist if I already have everything?”

Very often, these children fall into addictions and destructive behaviors—drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex.

Very often, they develop cruel or disrespectful attitudes toward other people because they don’t know what empathy is.

They don’t know what it means to struggle.

They don’t know how to value friendship because friendship isn’t about genuine connection—it’s about status.

And eventually, they can end up completely alone.

Despite all the money.

All the houses.

All the opportunities.

That’s painful.

It isn’t a gift from fate.

It’s a curse disguised as good fortune.

The world is wise.

It knows what you truly want, even when you won’t admit it to yourself.

And if you don’t reconsider your dreams, they may not come true.

And that’s not punishment.

It’s protection.

If you want money—lots of money—or a man who will give you lots of money so you never have to do anything, it may not happen.

Because that’s not really a dream.

It’s deadly poison in beautiful packaging.

At first, everything may look perfect.

But eventually, the inevitable happens:

The End.

And it happens because of your doing nothing.

You need to find something you genuinely choose to do.

Something you do with pleasure.

Something that puts fire in your eyes.

But you also need to see money as a tool—a way to do that thing you love more freely.

A way to stop fighting for survival.

A way to stop spending all your time and energy simply trying not to starve.

The intention should be something like:

“God, help me focus my energy and attention on the things I truly want to do. On the things I love. On the things that make me wake up with a smile.”

But first, you have to find what you actually want to do.

Otherwise, you won’t get what you’re asking for.

Because nothing is simply handed to us for no reason.

And thank God for that.

If the world gave you exactly what you asked for when you said:

“Give me lots of money so I never have to do anything,”

—it could destroy you.

With nothing to do, you might become addicted to drugs, drink yourself into oblivion, smoke yourself into ruin, and slowly empty yourself both internally and externally.

Do you understand?

You could lose yourself completely.

Because a person without purpose, without meaning, without movement is no longer truly living.

They’re just a shell that is slowly decaying.

The world loves you.

That’s why it doesn’t give you what would destroy you.

It waits until you reformulate your request.

Until you say:

“I want to do something meaningful. And let money support me so I can do it better, on a larger scale, and more deeply.”