Ideal Collection of Practices for Women Journey to Yourself

Tamara Kyryliuk

TRANSITIONS, CRISES, REBIRTHS – “I AM THOSE EYES THAT WEPT…”

My name is Tamara Kyryliuk. I am a psychologist, spiritual mentor, leader, and a person of faith. I hold a degree in theology. For many years, I led a women’s rehabilitation center for women struggling with addiction. My mission is to help people who have faced problems, experienced crises, or lost their sense of purpose in life. My goal is not only to aid in their recovery but also to help them discover their calling, create themselves, unlock their gifts and talents, and become their true selves. I currently live in Hamburg, Germany, and continue this work. I conduct coaching programs to boost self-esteem and address many other topics. I also continue to support people struggling with addiction. This is my mission, my calling, and my purpose on Earth!

This chapter is my candid story of how I navigated personal crises, loss, addiction, pain, and emigration, and managed to be reborn anew. Here, you will find my journey of healing, recovery, faith, spiritual growth, and returning to myself. I share an important realization: as long as we are alive, everything can be mended. Age, past experiences, and circumstances do not prevent us from starting over, finding our calling, and becoming the best version of ourselves. I believe every person is unique, and their soul came into this world with a gift. Through practical recommendations and my personal example, I aim to inspire readers: even when everything is falling apart, it’s an opportunity to start living authentically. Pain is not a sentence – it’s a point of rebirth. Welcome to my story; perhaps it will open doors within your soul as well.

My name is Tamara Kyryliuk. I am 52 years old. I was born and raised in Ukraine, in the capital city of Kyiv. Now I live in Germany, in the beautiful city of Hamburg. I am a psychologist.

I studied Art Therapy and Gestalt Psychology. I am constantly evolving. For the last 10 years in Ukraine, I worked with people struggling with alcohol and drug addiction. I was also an active participant in many social projects.

I am a coach, mentor, spiritual practitioner, mother of an adult daughter, and a grandmother. I am not married. I love nature, music, fashion, and I know how to cook deliciously.

I attend a modeling school and participate in fashion shows – this is my new passion, my hobby. Now, I am writing a book chapter for the first time, a historic moment marking the beginning of my personal journey into writing. In this chapter, I will share a bit of my experience and story, offering practical steps that help me in life. I invite you, dear reader, to my page.

“My Path to Myself Through Crises”

I was born in April 1973, in the spring. I grew up during the Soviet Union, a time when we were taught to be strong and willful, where the word “I” didn’t exist – only “we.” We weren’t taught to love ourselves. You were born, and you already owed. My crisis began at birth. You owed your parents, your family, your homeland, then your husband, your children, and so on.

At some point in my life, after many years, I realized I owed myself too much. I didn’t know myself at all; I always thought of others but not myself. I had to grow up early – my mother was constantly ill, and my father raised me and my brother as best he could. At 20, I realized life wasn’t as colorful as I had imagined. I experienced betrayal, infidelity, disappointment, and I kept asking, Why me?

Then I gave birth to a child without a husband – another crisis. The relationship collapsed. The 1990s were very tough; many remember those years. I had to work in jobs I didn’t want, though I gained valuable life experience. I worked in a catering company – my boss was German, and I handled off-site banquets. I learned a lot in that field, becoming a sort of universal soldier, from cooking to setting tables. It was a good school. Thanks to that job, I can do many things today. But deep down, I wanted something else; it felt like I wasn’t living my life, just existing…

I wanted to be a psychologist, but I couldn’t study – I had to support my parents and raise my daughter. Many of you, dear readers, may understand me; some may have faced similar struggles. I couldn’t build a personal life either. I was constantly unlucky. And it was all due to low self-esteem and a lack of self-love. Sometimes we think we love someone, but it’s not true – more likely, we’re trying to earn love through our actions and can’t bear loneliness. Because when you’re alone, you realize you’re afraid to face the fact that you feel empty inside… That cold rejection of yourself and your body, a pile of complexes, lack of self-belief, feelings of inferiority.

I worked a lot at a job I hated, disappointed in life, love, and people. Betrayal. Pain.

I was only 27 when I realized I was completely broken, with no life left in me. I desperately wanted change, but I lacked the strength to seek it. Alcohol entered my life, destroying my body, my life, my soul, and my health even more. I went through circles of hell. By 36, I had lost both my father and mother, and I had a 14-year-old daughter who was my only joy and meaning in life at that time. At some point, I woke up. A realization hit: Live for her, you can do it, get up. I didn’t know how or what to do. People told me everything was fine with me, but I knew I couldn’t live like that – this wasn’t me, and what was happening wasn’t my life.

I found Anonymous 12-Step Program groups in Kyiv, support groups for people with addictions. I went through the 12-step journey to restore my personality. It was not an easy path. The hardest part is changing yourself. The scariest part is meeting yourself. I didn’t know how to live. Yes, I finished school, I was a good student, capable, with many talents. But the challenges that came into my life – I wasn’t ready for them, and they broke me. They broke me – but didn’t kill me. The most important thing was the decision I made: I won’t live like this anymore. I got involved, started this path of recovery, and I succeeded. I want to say that not everyone who was with me on this journey made it, and not all of them are even alive today. But that’s a separate story. In this chapter, I want to share my experience. I believe it will give hope to someone today or perhaps answers to questions you’ve long been seeking.

My path out of the crisis began with learning, working on my mistakes, and building new habits. Over time, I quit smoking too. I started developing, moving toward myself and my dream. I studied Gestalt Psychology and many other practices. I worked through my personal pain and traumas, and then I began helping others, mostly women.

My name is Tamara Kyryliuk.

My current motto is, “As long as we’re alive, everything can be fixed.” And also, “The road is mastered by those who walk it.” If I could overcome this, dear reader, so can you. My favorite affirmations are, “The older I get, the younger I feel,” and age is not a sentence – you can always start life anew. But my life didn’t stop being challenging, yet I learned to listen to myself, my body, my desires, to make plans, and to create a new me. Sometimes I feel like a phoenix, collapsing and rebuilding myself anew.

No one ever taught us how to navigate crises. That’s why I pursued education and spiritual growth. One of the topics I studied was “How to Navigate Crises.” No matter what happens around me, I stay true to myself. I don’t return to the past; I see it as a challenge. Every crisis is growth, a spiritual stretch. No one told us why we were born, and few even ask these questions.

I am not a mistake, and neither are you. Every person comes to this earth with a specific purpose, predetermined from above. My purpose on earth is to find answers to the questions: Who am I? Why am I here? To unlock my gifts and potential, to become who I was born to be.

I might write a separate book about that. I succeeded – I made it to Germany, where I had to start over, including learning a new language. I didn’t lose hope; I began learning to live in a foreign country. All the lessons I learned before the war helped me when this new crisis hit – I was ready because I had the knowledge to handle difficulties.

Now I’m learning the language, have completed integration, and started engaging in fashion, which fulfills me. I also enrolled in a university to study psychology and have already finished my second year. It’s never too late to learn – it’s prevention against Alzheimer’s. Despite everything, I’m moving toward my goal. Today, I know the most important and closest person on earth is me – the me who will stay with me until the end. What kind of person I become depends on the path I choose today.

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