The Apaches of New York

“W’at crabbed him?”

“Too small in th’ hat-band, too big in th’ belt. Them republicans better chuck Taft in th’ discard an’ take up Teddy. There’s a live one! There’s th’ sturdy plow-boy of politics who’d land ‘em winner!”

The Nailer came strolling in and pulled up a chair.

“Roosevelt, Jimmy,” said he, “couldn’t make th’ run. Don’t he start th’ argument himself, th’ time he’s elected, sayin’ it’s his second term an’ he’ll never go out for th’ White House goods again?”

“Shure he did,” coincided the Wop. “An’ r-r-right there he give himsilf th’ gate. You’re right, Nailer; he’s barred.”

“Teddy oughtn’t to have got off that bluff about not runnin’ ag’in,” observed old Jimmy thoughtfully. “He sees it himself now. Th’ next day after he makes his crack, a friend of mine, who’s down to th’ White House, asks him about it; is it for the bleachers,’ says my friend, ‘or does it go?’

“‘Oh, it goes!’ says Teddy.

“‘Then,’ says my friend, ‘you’ll pardon me, but I don’t think it was up to you to say it. It may wind up by puttin’ everybody an’ everything in Dutch. No sport can know what he’ll want to do, or what he ought to do, four years ahead. Bein’ pres’dent now, with four years to draw to, you can no more tell whether or no you’ll want to repeat than you can tell what you’ll want for dinner while you’re eatin’ lunch. Once I knew a guy who’s always ready to swear off whiskey, when he’s half full. Used to chase round to th’ priest, on his own hunch; to sign th’ pledge, every time he gets a bun. Bein’ soaked, he feels like he’ll never want another drink. After he’d gone without whiskey a couple of days, however, he’d wake up to it that he’s been too bigoted. He’d feel that he’s taken too narrow a view of th’ liquor question, an’ commence to see things in their true colors.’ That’s what my friend told him. And now that Teddy’s show-in’ signs, I’ve wondered whether he recalls them warnin’ words.”

“W’at’ll th’ demmycrats do?” asked the Nailer. “Run Willyum Jennin’s?”

“They will,” retorted the Wop scornfully, “if they want to get th’ hoot. Three toimes has this guy Bryan run – an’ always f’r th’ end book. D’yez moind, Jimmy, how afther th’ Denver Convention lie cha-a-ases down to th’ depot to shake ha-a-ands wit’ Cha-a-arley Murphy? There’s no class to that! Would Washin’ton have done it? – Would Jefferson?”

“How was he hoited be shakin’ hands wit’ Murphy?”

The Nailer’s tones were almost defiant. He had been brought up with a profound impression of the grandeur of Tammany Hall.

“How was he hur-r-rted? D’yez call it th’ cun-nin’ play f’r him to be at th’ depot, hand stretched out, an’ yellin’ ‘Mitt me, Cha-a-arley, mitt me?’ Man aloive, d’yez think th’ country wants that koind av a ska-a-ate in th’ White House?”

The acrid emphasis of the Wop was so overwhelming that it swept the Nailer off his feet.

The Wop resumed:

“Wan thing, that depot racket wasn’t th’ way to carry New York. Th’ way to bring home th’ darby in th’ Empire Shtate is to go to th’ flure wit’ Tammany at th’ ringin’ av th’ gong. How was it Cleveland used to win? Was it be makin’ a pet av Croker, or sendin’ th’ organization flowers? An’ yez don’t have to be told what happened to Cleveland. An’ Tammany, moind yez, tryin’ to thump his proshpecks on th’ nut ivery fut av th’ way! If Willyum Jinnin’s had been th’ wise fowl, he’d have took his hunch fr’m th’ career av Cleveland, an’ rough-housed Tammany whiniver an’ wheriver found. If he’d only knocked Tammany long enough an’ ha-a-ard enough, he’d have had an anchor-nurse on th’ result.”

“This sounds like treason, Wop,” said old Jimmy in tones of mock reproach. “Croker was boss in th’ Cleveland days. You’ll hardly say that Charlie ain’t a better chief than Croker?”

“Jimmy, there’s as much difference bechune ould man Croker an’ Cha-a-arley Murphy as bechune a buffalo bull an’ a billy-goat. To make Murphy chief was loike settin’ a boy to carryin’ hod. While yez couldn’t say f’r shure whether he’d fall fr’m th’ laddher or simply sit down wit’ th’ hod, it’s a cinch he’d niver get th’ bricks to th’ scaffold. Murphy’s too busy countin’ th’ buttons on his Prince Albert, an’ balancin’ th’ gold eye-glasshes on th’ ridge av his nose, to lave him anny toime f’r vict’ry.”

“While youse guys,” observed the Nailer, with a great air of knowing something, “is indulgin’ in your spiels about Murphy, don’t it ever strike youse that he’s out to make Gaynor pres’dent?”

“Gaynor?” repeated old Jimmy, in high offence. “Do you think Charlie’s balmy? If it ever gets so that folks of th’ Gaynor size is looked on as big enough for th’ presidency, I for one shall retire to th’ booby house an’ devote th’ remainder of an ill-spent life to cuttin’ paper dolls. An’ yet, Nailer, I oughtn’t to wonder at youse either for namin’ him. There’s a Demmycrat Club mutt speaks to me about that very thing at th’ Little Hungary dinner.”

“‘Gaynor is a college graduate,’ says the Demmycrat Clubber. ‘Is he?’ says I. ‘Well then he ought to chase around to that college an’ make ‘em give him back his money. They swindled him.’ ‘Look at th’ friends he has!’ says th’ Clubber. ‘I’ve been admirin’ ‘em,’ I says. ‘What with one thing an’ another, them he’s appointed to office has stole everything but th’ back fence.’ ‘But didn’t Croker, in his time, hook him up with Tammany Hall?’ says th’ Clubber; ‘that ought to show you!’ ‘Croker did,’ says I; ‘it’s an old Croker trick. Croker was forever get-tin’ th’ Gaynors an’ th’ Shepherds an’ th’ Astor-Chanlers an’ th’ Cord Meyers an’ all them high-fly-in’ guys into Tammany. He does it for th’ same reason they puts a geranium in a tenement house window.’ ‘An’ w’at may that be?’ asks the Clubber. ‘Th’ geranium’s intended,’ says I, ‘to engage th’ eye of th’ Health Inspector, an’ distract his attention from th’ drain.’”

The Darby Kid, a bright dancing light in her eyes and all a-flutter, rushed in. The Nailer crossed over to a table at which sat Mollie Squint. The Darby Kid joined them.

“W’at do youse think?” cried the Darby Kid. “I’m comin’ out of me flat when th’ postman slips me a letter from Harry th’ Soldier.”

“Where is he?” asked Mollie Squint.

“That’s th’ funny part. He’s in th’ Eyetalian Army, an’ headed for Africa. That’s a fine layout, I don’t think! An’ he says I’m th’ only goil he ever loves, an’ asts me to join him! Ain’t he got his nerve?”

“W’y? You ain’t mad because he croaks Butch?”

“No. But me for Africa! – the ideer!”

“About Dopey Benny?” said the Nailer.

“Harry says Benny got four spaces in Canada. It’s a bank trick – tryin’ to blow a box in Montreal or somethin’.”

“Then you won’t join Harry?” remarked Mollie Squint.

“In Africa? When I do, I’ll toin mission worker.”

The next day the Central Office knew all that the Darby Kid knew as to Harry the Soldier. But why say it was she who squealed? The Nailer and Mollie Squint were quite as well informed as herself, having read Harry’s letter.

To begin at the foundation and go to the eaves – which is the only right way to build either a house or a story. Crazy Butch had reached his twenty-eighth year, when he died and was laid to rest in accordance with the ceremonial of his ancient church. He was a child of the East Side, and his vices out-topped his virtues upon a principle of sixteen to one.

The parents of Butch may be curtly dismissed as unimportant. They gave him neither care nor guidance, but left him to grow up, a moral straggler, in what tangled fashion he would. Never once did they show him the moral way in which he should go. Not that Butch would have taken it if they had.

To Butch, as to Gangland in general, morality was as so much lost motion. And, just as time-is money among honest folk, so was motion money with Butch and his predatory kind. Old Jimmy correctly laid down the Gangland position, which was Butch’s position. Said old Jimmy:

“Morality is all to the excellent for geeks with dough to burn an’ time to throw away. It’s right into the mitts of W’ite Chokers, who gets paid for bein’ good an’ hire out to be virchuous for so much a year. But of what use is morality to a guy along the Bowery? You could take a cartload of it to Simpson’s, an’ you couldn’t get a dollar on it.”

Not much was known of the childhood of Butch, albeit his vacuous lack of book knowledge assisted the theory that little or less of it had been passed in school. Nor was that childhood a lengthy one, for fame began early to collect upon Butch’s scheming brow. He was about the green and unripe age of thirteen when he went abroad into the highways and byways of the upper city and stole a dog of the breed termed setter. This animal he named Rabbi, and trained as a thief.

Rabbi, for many months, was Butch’s meal ticket. The method of their thievish procedure was simple but effective. Butch – Rabbi alertly at his godless heels – would stroll about the streets looking for prey. When some woman drifted by, equipped of a handbag of promise, Butch pointed out the same to the rascal notice of Rabbi. After which the discreet Butch withdrew, the rest of it – as he said – being up to Rabbi.

Rabbi followed the woman, his abandoned eye on the hand-bag. Watching his chance, Rabbi rushed the woman and dexterously whisked the handbag from out her horrified fingers. Before the woman realized her loss, Rabbi had raced around a nearest corner and was lost to all pursuit. Fifteen minutes later he would find Butch at Willett and Stanton Streets, and turn over the touch.

Rabbi hated a policeman like a Christian. The sight of one would send him into growling, snarling, hiding. None the less, like all great characters, Rabbi became known; and, in the end, through some fraud which was addressed to his softer side and wherein a canine Delilah performed, he Avas betrayed into the clutches of the law.

This mischance marked the close, as a hanger-snatcher, of the invaluable Rabbi’s career. Not that the plain-clothes people who caught him affixed a period to his doggish days. Even a plains-clothes man isn’t entirely hard. Rabbi’s captors merely found him a home in the Catskills, where he spent his days in honor and his nights in sucking unsuspected eggs.

When Rabbi was retired to private life, Butch, in his bread-hunting, resolved to seek new paths. Among the cruder crimes is house-breaking and to it the amateur law-breaker most naturally turns. Butch became a house-worker with special reference to flats.

In the beginning, Butch worked in the day time, or as they say in Gangland, “went out on skush.” Hating the sun, however, as all true criminals, must, he shifted to night jobs, and took his dingy place in the ranks of viciousness as a schlamwerker. As such he turned off houses, flats and stores, taking what Fate sent him. Occasionally he varied the dull monotony of simple burglary by truck-hopping.

Man cannot live by burglary alone, and Butch was not without his gregarious side. Seeking comradeship, he united himself with the Eastman gang. As a gangster he soon distinguished himself. He fought like a berserk; and it was a sort of war-frenzy, which overtook him in battle, that gave him his honorable prefix.

Monk Eastman thought well of Butch. Not even Ike the Blood stood nearer than did Butch to the heart of that grim gang captain. Eastman’s weakness was pigeons. When he himself went finally to Sing Sing, he asked the court to permit him another week in the Tombs, so that he might find a father for his five hundred feathered pets.

In the days when Butch came to strengthen as well as ornament his forces, Eastman kept a bird store in Broome Street, under the New Irving Hall. Eastman also rented bicycles. Those who thirsted to stand well with him were sedulous to ride a wheel. They rented these uneasy engines of Eastman, with the view of drawing to themselves that leader’s favor. Butch, himself, was early astride a bicycle. One time and another he paid into Eastman’s hands the proceeds of many a shush or schlam job; and all for the calf-developing privilege of pedalling about the streets.

Butch conceived an idea which peculiarly endeared him to Eastman. In Forsyth Street was a hall, and Butch – renting the same – organized an association which, in honorable advertisement of his chief’s trade of pigeons and bicycles, he called the Squab-Wheelmen. Eastman himself stood godfather to this club, and at what times he reposed himself from his bike and pigeon labors, played pool in its rooms.

There occurred that which might have shaken one less firmly established than Butch. As it was, it but solidified him and did him good. The world will remember the great gang battle, fought at Worth and Center Streets, between the Eastmans and the Five Points. The merry-making was put an end to by those spoil sports, the police, who, as much without noble sympathies as chivalric instincts, drove the contending warriors from the field at the point of their night sticks.

Brief as was the fray, numerous were the brave deeds done. On one side or the other, the Dropper, the Nailer, Big Abrams, Ike the Blood, Slimmy, Johnny Rice, Jackeen Dalton, Biff Ellison and the Grabber distinguished themselves. As for Butch, he was deep within the warlike thick of things, and no one than he came more to the popular front.

Sequential to that jousting, a thought came to Butch. The Squab-Wheelmen were in nightly expectation of an attack from the Five Pointers. By way of testing their valor, and settle definitely, in event of trouble, who would stick and who would duck, Butch one midnight, came rushing up the stairway, which led to the club rooms, blazing with two pistols at once. Butch had prevailed upon five or six others, of humor as jocose as his own, to assist, and the explosive racket the party made in the narrow stairway was all that heart could have wished. It was comparable only to a Mott Street Chinese New Year’s, as celebrated in front of the Port Arthur.

There were sixty members in the rooms of the Squab-Wheelmen when Butch led up his feigned attack, and it is discouraging to relate that most if not all of them fled. Little Kishky, sitting in a window, was so overcome that he fell out backwards, and broke his neck. Some of those who fled, by way of covering their confusion, were inclined to make a deal of the death of Little Kishky and would have had it set to the discredit of Butch. Gangland opinion, however, was against them. If Little Kishky hadn’t been a quitter, he would never have fallen out. Butch was not only exonerated but applauded. He had devised – so declared Gangland – an ideal method of separating the sheep who would fly from the goats who would stay and stand fire.

Then, too, there was the laugh.

Gangland was quick to see the humorous side; and since humanity is prone to decide as it laughs, Gangland overwhelmingly declared in favor of Butch.

It was about this time that Butch found himself in a jam. His schlam work had never been first class. It was the want of finish to it which earned him the name of Butch. The second night after his stampede of the Squab-Wheelmen, his clumsiness in a Brooklyn flat woke up a woman, who woke up the neighborhood. Whereupon, the neighborhood rushed in and sat upon the body of Butch, until the police came to claim him. Subsequently, a Kings County judge saw his way clear to send Butch up the river for four weary years. And did.

Butch was older and soberer when he returned. Also, his world had changed. Eastman had been put away, and Ritchie Fitzpatrick ruled in his place. Butch cultivated discretion, where before he had been hot and headlong, and no longer sought that gang prominence which was formerly as the breath to his nostrils.

Not that Butch altogether turned his back upon his old-time associates. The local Froissarts tell how he, himself, captained a score or so of choice spirits among the Eastmans, against the Humpty Jackson gang, beat them, took them prisoners and plundered them. This brilliant action occurred in that Fourteenth Street graveyard which was the common hang-out of the Humpty Jacksons. Also, Humpty Jackson commanded his partisans in person, and was captured and frisked with the rest. Butch gained much glory and some money; for the Jacksons – however it happened – chanced to be flush.

Butch, returning from Sing-Sing exile, did not return to his schlam work. That trip up-the-river had shaken him. He became a Fagin, and taught boys of tender years to do his stealing for him.

Butch’s mob of kids counted as many as twenty, all trained in pocket-picking to a feather-edge. As aiding their childish efforts, it was Butch’s habit to mount a bicycle, and proceed slowly down the street, his fleet of kids going well abreast of him on the walks. Acting the part of some half-taught amateur of the wheel, Butch would bump into a man or a woman, preferably a woman. There would be cries and a scuffle. The woman would scold, Butch would expound and explain. Meanwhile the wren-head public packed itself ten deep about the center of excitement.

It was then that Butch’s young adherents pushed their shrewd way in. Little hands went flying, to reap a very harvest of pokes. Butch began building up a bank account.

As an excuse for living, and to keep his mob together, Butch opened a pool parlor. This temple of enjoyment was in a basement in Willett Street near Stanton. The tariff was two-and-a-half cents a cue, and what Charley Bateses and Artful Dodgers worked for Butch were wont to refresh themselves at the game.

Butch made money with both hands. He took his share as a Fagin. Then, what fragmentary remnants of their stealings he allowed his young followers, was faithfully blown in by them across his pool tables.

Imagination rules the world. Butch, having imagination, extended himself. Already a Fagin, Butch became a posser and bought stolen goods for himself. Often, too, he acted as a melina and bought for others. Thus Butch had three strings to his business bow. He was getting rich and at the same time keeping out of the fingers of the bulls. This caused him to be much looked up to and envied, throughout the length and breadth of Gangland.

Butch was thus prosperous and prospering when it occurred to him to fall in love. Harry the Soldier was the Mark Antony of the Five Points, his Cleopatra the Darby Kid. There existed divers reasons for adoring the Darby Kid. There was her lustrous eyes, her coral mouth, her rounded cheek, her full figure, her gifts as a shop lifter. As a graceful crown to these attractions, the Darby Kid could pick a pocket with the best wire that ever touched a leather. In no wise had she been named the Darby Kid for nothing. Not even Mollie Squint was her superior at getting the bundle of a boob. They said, and with truth, that those soft, deep, lustrous eyes could look a sucker over, while yet that unconscious sucker was ten feet away, and locate the keck wherein he carried his roll. Is it astonishing then that the heart of Butch went down on its willing knees to the Darby Kid?

Another matter: – Wasn’t the Darby Kid the chosen one of Harry the Soldier? Was not Harry a Five Pointer? Had not Butch, elbow to elbow, with his great chief, Eastman, fought the Five Pointers in the battle at Worth and Center? It was a triumph, indeed, to win the heart of the Darby Kid. It was twice a triumph to steal that heart away from Harry the Soldier.

The Darby Kid crossed over from Harry the Soldier to Butch, and brought her love along. Thereafter her smiles were for Butch, her caresses for Butch, her touches for Butch. Harry the Soldier was left desolate.

Harry the Soldier was a gon of merit and deserved eminence. That he had been an inmate not only of the House of Refuge but the Elmira Reformatory, should show you that he was a past-master at his art. His steady partner was Dopey Benny. With one to relieve the other in the exacting duties of stinger, and a couple of good stalls to put up an effective back, trust them, at fair or circus or theatre break, to make leathers, props and thimbles fly.

It was Gangland decision that for Butch to win the Darby Kid away from Harry the Soldier, even as Paris aforetime took the lovely Helen from her Menelaus, touched not alone the honor of Harry but the honor of the Five Points. Harry must revenge himself. Still more must he revenge the Five Points. It had become a case of Butch’s life or his. On no milder terms could Harry sustain himself in Gangland first circles. His name else would be despised anywhere and everywhere that the fair and the brave were wont to come together and unbuckle socially.

Butch, tall and broad and strong, smooth of face, arched of nose, was a born hawk of battle. Harry the Soldier, dark, short, of no muscular power, was not the physical equal of Butch. Butch looked forward with confidence to the upcome.

“An’ yet, Butch,” sweetly warned the Darby Kid, her arms about his neck, “you mustn’t go to sleep at the switch. Harry’ll nail you if youse do. It’ll be a gun-fight, an’ he’s a dream wit’ a gatt.”

“Never mind about that gatt thing! Do youse think, dearie, I’d let that Guinea cop a sneak on me?”

It was a cool evening in September. A dozen of Butch’s young gons were knocking the balls about his pool tables. Butch himself was behind the bar. Outside in Willett Street a whistle sounded. Butch picked up a pistol off the drip-board, just in time to peg a shot at Harry the Soldier as that ill-used lover came through the front door. Dopey Benny, Jonathan to the other’s David, was with Harry. Neither tried to shoot. Through a hail of lead from Butch’s pistol, the two ran out the back door. No one killed; no one wounded. Butch had been shooting too high, as the bullet-raked ceiling made plain.

Butch explained his wretched gun play by saying that he was afraid of pinking some valued one among his boy scouts.

“At that,” he added, “it’s just as well. Them wops ‘ll never come back. Now when they see I’m organized they’ll stay away. There ain’t no sand in them Sicilians.”

Butch was wrong. Harry, with Dopey Benny, was back the next night. This time there was no whistle. Harry had sent forward a force of skirmishers to do up those sentinels, with whom Butch had picketed Willett’ Street. Butch’s earliest intimation that there was something doing came when a bullet from the gun of Harry broke his back. Dopey Benny stood off the public, while Harry put three more bullets into Butch. The final three were superfluous, however, as was shown at the inquest next day.

The Darby Kid was abroad upon her professional duties as a gon-moll, when Harry hived Butch. Her absence was regretted by her former lover.

“Because,” said he, as he and Dopey Benny fled down Stanton Street, “I’d like to have made the play a double header, and downed the Kid along wit’ Butch.”

It was not so written, however. Double headers, whatever the field of human effort, are the exception and not the rule of life.

It was whispered that Harry the Soldier and Dopey Benny remained three days in the Pell Street room of Big Mike Abrams before their get-away. They might have been at the bottom of the lower bay, for all the Central Office knew. Butch was buried, and the Darby Kid wept over his grave. After which she cheered up, and came back smiling. There is no good in grief. Besides, it’s egotistical, and trenches upon conceit.

The Central Office declares that, equipped of the right papers, it will bring Harry the Soldier back from Africa. Also, it will go after Dopey Benny in Kanuckland, when his time is out. The chair – says the Central Office – shall yet have both.

Old Jimmy doesn’t think there’s a chance, while the jaundiced Wop openly scoffs. Neither believes in the police. Meanwhile dark suspicions hover cloudily over the Darby Kid. Did she rap? She says not, and offers to pawn her soul.

“Why should I?” asks the Darby Kid. “Of course I’d sooner it was Butch copped Harry. But it went the other way; an’ why should I holler? Would beefin’ bring Butch back?”