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“So? It’s not like you have to be at a desk bright and early.”
“But you no doubt do.”
“Haven’t you learned it’s impolite to argue with your boss?”
He took her shy smile to mean he’d broken at least a small part of her reserve. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but are you mentally stable enough to protect our country?”
For a split second, he thought she was serious, but then he caught her wink and burst out laughing. “You almost had me.”
“You’ve got to admit this whole notion of sticking my toes in the water sounds a bit off the deep end.”
Now he winked. “I’m not suggesting you go deep, Ms. Moore. Merely dip your toes in the shallow end. It’s a serious rite of passage.”
“It’s a rite of passage that can wait. Quinn’s comfort and needs come first.”
“In case you haven’t noticed—” he veered into the parking spot they’d vacated only ten minutes earlier “—Quinn is out. I don’t think he’ll mind the slight detour.”
After having a look for herself, she said, “You’ve got me there.” In the glow of the dash lights, her expression morphed from doubt to wary acceptance to anticipation. “But is this really prudent?”
He laughed. “Does it matter? Come on.” He almost held out his hand to her, but then thought better of it. He wanted to have a little fun, but not present the image of being interested in that way. “Last one in is a rotten egg!”
“Who’s getting Quinn?”
“Me, so you’d better hustle.”
Pandora kicked off her sandals and ran and ran, laughing until she reached the shore. The water was cold but refreshing and unexpected and hit her as an affirmation her life was finally on the right track. Granted, her current actions may not be dignified, but for at least a few minutes that was okay. She could let her guard down a smidge—just not too much.
Had she denied herself the beach’s simple pleasures for so long because she hadn’t felt good enough? Like only clean, wholesome people visit such enchanted places?
“How is it?” Calder asked from behind her. Quinn slept cradled against him.
“Wonderful,” she admitted. And honestly, if she hadn’t had to work so hard to earn her way to this spot, this very moment in time, she might not have appreciated it for the miracle it truly was. As soon as she regained custody of Julia, a trip to the beach was in order.
“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said above the surf that pounded louder than it had earlier, “how’s it even possible you’ve lived around here yet have never been to the shore?”
“Just one of those things.” Though her gut told her she could probably trust him with the truth, her head warned the less he knew about her past, the better off they’d both be.
The nighttime breeze had considerably cooled the air.
Pandora said, “We should get back to the car.”
“What’s your hurry?”
“I-it’s cold.” At first, she’d been exhilarated by their fun, but now she was somewhat ashamed. Almost as if being in such a clean, family-friendly place might mark her a fraud. But was she? She’d worked hard to get to the healthy emotional zone in which she now resided. Didn’t that count for something?
She wiped tears from her cheeks, glad for the darkness so Calder wouldn’t see.
“You okay?”
“Sure.” She hoped her exaggerated nod read as convincing.
“It’s all right, you know.”
“Wh-what?”
“If the sight of moonlight on the ocean moves you.” He reached his hand toward her, brushing first one tear-stained cheek, then the other with the pad of his thumb.
His touch affected her far more deeply than it should have. Embarrassed, she looked away. “I’m fine—the wind blew sand in my eyes.”
“Locational hazard....” His soft tone told her he knew she was lying. The fact both mortified her and filled her with hope he’d never guess just how much their shared moment had truly meant. Whatever their future, she’d always associate him with the moment she realized her efforts really were finally making a difference. Soon, she’d not only have her daughter returned, but her dignity.
* * *
MIDWAY THROUGH CHANGING Quinn’s diaper at five-thirty the next morning, Calder was startled by Pandora’s appearance at his side. Apparently she’d felt as awkward about her choice of late-night attire at their last meeting as he had. Not that he hadn’t been appreciative of her miles of creamy skin, but her current chaste, white cotton pj’s were infinitely less seductive.
“What’re you doing up?” he asked. “We were trying to be extra quiet to let you sleep.”
“That’s nice of you,” she said as she passed the wipes, “but my job description is to care for Quinn in order to allow you more rest.”
“I had to be up anyway. Got a text we’re doing early drills.” After wiping down his son, Calder tossed the soiled diaper in the trash, then reached for a fresh one.
“Put cream on his bottom.”
“What cream?”
She handed him a tube. “Last time I changed him, I noticed he looked a little chafed. No biggie. Just something to keep an eye on.”
“Sure.” Calder flipped open the lid. “How much?”
“A dime.”
“Did you grab this stuff at the store?”
“Uh-huh.” She stood near enough for him to feel her heat. Not a good thing, considering he hadn’t been as smart as her and still slept in just boxers. “Want me to finish up with him so you can grab a shower?”
“Trying to get rid of me?” He was only half teasing. Ever since the beach, she’d been quiet. He’d meant for their outing to be fun, but he couldn’t help but wonder what’d brought on her tears. He’d wanted to ask her on the drive home, and again while they’d bathed Quinn, but the timing hadn’t seemed right. Besides, were her tears even his business?
“No.” Her smile seemed genuine. “Just trying to be helpful.”
“Thanks.” The more time he shared with Pandora, the more confused he grew. When it came to the fairer sex, he excelled at the short game. One or two nights—tops. Mornings could be tricky, so he avoided them like brussels sprouts. So here he was on his second morning with the nanny and despite the fact they’d barely even spoken, let alone had sex, he honestly wasn’t sure how many more he could take. Something about her had him all riled up and flustered—in his line of work, never a good thing.
With Quinn tucked back into his snap-bottom T-shirt, Pandora scooped him up and cradled him against her.
His son looked happy, and that fact calmed Calder’s choppy nerves. Truly, he needed to chill. Pandora was the nanny. Nothing more. No need to rely on his usual shtick, or worry about spending too much time with one woman, because she wasn’t his woman. If anything, he should treat her like one of the guys. “Got anything going on this weekend? Thought we might get back to the beach, only this time do it up proper. More volleyball. Soggy sandwiches. It’ll be great.”
“Um...” She looked to the baby, out the window, to the changing table—anywhere but him. “That sounds amazing, but I have plans.”
“Oh?” He’d placed her firmly in the friend zone, so why did he feel shot down? It didn’t happen often, which left him needing answers. Only because he was her employer, no matter how much he wanted to drill her about what she was doing that could be more important than chilling with him and his son—he knew damn well he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. It would be a seriously needy move, and Calder never lacked for female attention.
“Rain check? I’ve never been on a picnic, so...” As her words trailed off, so did her eye contact. Interesting. What would the nanny be doing on Saturday? Or should that what be replaced by a who?
Chapter Five
Wednesday afternoon, the computers Calder’s team had been using to study the latest Afghanistan satellite-photo-intelligence models were down. Cooper and Heath used the opportunity to nap. Calder and Mason had just finished a five-mile run and sat on a bench, soaking in rays.
“Damn nice day,” Mason said. “Reminds me why I left Alaska.”
Calder had tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He opened them to glance sideways at his friend. “Thought you bolted because of Melissa.”
“Well, that, too. But mainly because of the weather.”
“Uh-huh. You’ve given me so much crap over the nanny, I’m shoveling it back your way.”
Resting his arms behind his head, Mason said, “Whatever. Speaking of which, haven’t heard much about her today. Everything all right?”
Calder sighed. “I guess it’s going good. Both Quinn and the house are freakishly clean, and she’s a great cook.” That said, the beach rejection stung his manly pride. His rational side knew giving the matter a second thought was ridiculous. The part of him used to women falling for his SEAL charm still didn’t get it. What had he done wrong? “Look, I shouldn’t even mention this to you, but after the volleyball game, I found out Pandora had never been to the beach.”
“What?” Mason scratched his head.
“I know, right? Anyway, I’ve been meaning to spend more time with the little guy, so I figured we’d do the whole day-at-the-shore thing with him on Saturday, only—”
Mason laughed. “She turned you down, didn’t she?”
Lips pressed tight, Calder had never wished more he’d kept his big mouth shut.
Still laughing, Mason said, “Mr. Professional Working Relationship who yelled at us for asking if Pandora was a sex-kitten nanny broke his own rule, huh?”
“Forget it. Sorry I brought it up.” Calder had honestly thought it would be a good idea to spend time with Quinn. The beach was always fun. The whole thing shouldn’t have been a big deal.
Standing, Calder headed back to the building housing their classroom.
“Aw, come on....” Mason trailed after him. “Don’t go getting your panties in a wad. I’m sure the nanny has a perfectly good reason for turning down your date.”
“It wasn’t a date,” Calder snapped. “I don’t like her that way. Wouldn’t be right.”
“Might not be right, but if she’s hot and you two share tight quarters, what’s your plan to keep things platonic?”
Calder tugged open the metal door, welcoming the rush of cool air. “Drop it, okay? I don’t need a plan, because nothing’s going to happen.”
“Then why are you so pissy over her wanting an afternoon for herself?” Mason stopped off at a vending machine.
Though his friend asked a valid question, Calder didn’t have an answer. If pressed, he suspected his true problem stemmed from the simple fact he was scared to death of once again being alone with his son.
* * *
CALDER RODE STRAIGHT home from the base only to find Quinn and Pandora heading down the block. He parked his bike in the garage, then hollered in their direction, “Wait up!”
After closing the door, he pocketed the opener, jogging to meet them.
“Hey.” She veered the stroller against the sidewalk’s edge to make room for him. “How was your day?”
He shrugged. Now that he’d caught up with the duo, he wasn’t sure why he’d even tried. All smiles, Quinn kicked and made baby noises. Pandora had been smiling. However, since his arrival, she’d pressed her lips into a telling line of tension. “You two headed for the park?”
She nodded. “They have great baby swings—you know? The one’s that are safety seats?”
“Guess I’ve never much noticed.”
“Quinn loves them.”
Another dig at Calder’s parenting? Or lack thereof?
They walked the last two blocks in silence. The temperature was already cooling off with a hint of approaching autumn in the air. Even from their distance, the sounds of kids playing—laughing—rang clearly through the air. He couldn’t remember ever having been that kid—fully carefree. Sure, after his mom had remarried, things settled down, but he’d been past the playground age.
Upon reaching the park, it struck Calder as surprisingly full. “There always this many people here?”
“It’s a park. Most times, there’s even more.” Her sideways look, not to mention her pinched expression, didn’t sit well with him. Yet again, he felt inept. He’d lived a few blocks from what was apparently a family mecca, yet it’d never even occurred to him it was anywhere he and Quinn might want to be.
“Sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s not a big deal, Calder.” She parked the stroller in front of the lone empty bench in a row of five. “Now that you’re here, want to put Quinn in a swing?”
Visions of Quinn screaming whenever Calder tried cramming him into his car seat ran through his head. “No, thanks.”
Pandora effortlessly plucked Quinn from his stroller to plop him into the rubber swing seat and strapped him in. As if the kid knew what came next, he giggled and kicked. The size of his drool-filled grin tugged at Calder’s heart.
From Pandora’s first small push, Quinn howled with laughter. He clapped his little hands and bounced and kicked. His eyes shone with what Calder could only describe as pure glee. Burning heat forced his eyes to close for a moment while at the same time he swallowed the knot at the back of his throat.
He’d never seen Quinn like this—truly happy. But now that he had, something in him clicked. Was this at least partially what parenting was about? Not just keeping your child fed and clean, but figuring out what produced adorable grins? Then earning them over and over again?
“You want to push?” Pandora stepped aside, urging Calder to give it a try.
“What if I push him too high? Is he going to fall out?”
Hands on her hips, she cocked her head. “Really?”
“Well...” He forced a deep breath. “Stranger things could happen.”
Approaching the swing, Calder couldn’t have said why, but his pulse raced and his palms began to sweat. He crouched to reach the little guy, then pushed just enough for Quinn to shriek all over again. “He’s doing it!”
“You thought he wouldn’t?” Pandora asked. “See? You’re doing great. Now whenever I’m not around, you can bring him here on your own. Once he starts walking, he’s going to love the rope bridge and slide.”
Calder took one glance at the wood-planked bridge hanging between two roofed forts. “No way. Too dangerous.”
Now Pandora was the one laughing. “If you think that’s scary, wait till he gets his first bike.”
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