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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
EDUARDO STALKED ALONG the long corridor back to his apartment. Five hours had passed since their argument and his anger hadn’t lessened any.
She was scared about her pregnancy. That was why she’d called for Dr Russo. She hadn’t wanted to tell him—her husband. She didn’t trust him. Didn’t want to confide in him. Didn’t want to be with him. She’d said he was emotionally stunted.
He was feeling all the emotions now.
‘Stella?’ he called, as soon as he opened his apartment door. But his voice rang out unanswered in the empty atmosphere.
Adrenalin hit, bunching muscles, sharpening focus. Swiftly he sought out her belongings, but her duffel was missing, along with her old jeans and tee shirts and her trainers. She’d left her rings on the table beside the bed. Midnight’s Passion was beside them, the platinum chain coiled around it.
Shocked, he released the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.
She’d left him. She’d walked out through the front door. Of course she had. Because she was a damn good soldier, always a survivor, and she’d escaped.
From him.
His breathing quickened, lungs hurting. Heart hurting. He bent his head, screwing up his eyes so the sight of the sapphire wouldn’t mock him.
But it still did. God, it hurt. He wanted her. Needed her back. He loved her.
He swore. Short, pithy, pained. Then he moved. He had to freaking well move. He had to find her.
He picked up his phone. Called a captain he trusted.
‘The Princess. When did you last see her?’ he demanded, the second the guy answered.
‘Uh, the General came to see her and—’
‘When was that?’ Eduardo scowled, sourness sinking into his gut.
‘He arrived just before you left for the hospital,’ the Captain answered warily.
After Eduardo had argued with her and walked out. Had she had a showdown with her father? ‘When did the General leave?’
‘I believe they went out to lunch—’
‘They what?’ Confounded, Eduardo couldn’t believe his ears.
‘Uh...lunch. At a restaurant, I think—’
Eduardo didn’t bother listening to the rest. He turned on his heel and ran to the other end of the palace to General Carlos Zambrano’s quarters. He thudded on the door so hard it rattled the hinges. And sure enough General Carlos himself answered it.
‘Where is Stella?’ He pushed past the man into the room.
‘She’s your wife. Shouldn’t you know?’
‘She is her own person,’ Eduardo clipped an answer as he looked around the lounge. ‘You really had lunch with her?’
‘No, I’ve been in a meeting,’ the General answered.
The old man was lying. Eduardo should have come back to the palace hours ago. But he’d been unable to cancel that last engagement because he hadn’t wanted to let them down at the last minute. Instead he’d let Stella down.
‘My daughter is very strong,’ the General said. ‘She doesn’t grant many people the power to hurt her.’ He looked at him very carefully, his frown deepening. ‘I thought you had hurt her.’
‘I have.’
‘No.’ Carlos moved impatiently. ‘I mean physically. Back when she got pregnant.’
Dumbfounded, Eduardo stared, and then rage seared. ‘I would never—’
‘That’s what she told me.’ Her father raised his hands. ‘She said you are a good man. I was just...protective. And unwilling to trust her judgement.’
‘Good Lord, you really give her a hard time.’ Eduardo breathed hard to recover his equilibrium. He was furious. What had he ever done to make him think that? He might be arrogant and entitled, but he wasn’t a psychopath.
‘I’m sorry.’ The General sighed. ‘No man was ever going to be good enough for her. Not even a prince.’
Eduardo stared at the older man, seeing for the first time the pallor, the anxiety in his eyes. ‘What the hell is going on?’
‘I’m worried about her,’ Carlos admitted gruffly. ‘I lost her mother and it all but destroyed me. All these years I did what I thought was best for Stella. But I think I have been wrong. In sending her away...in protecting her from active duty—’
‘In helping her run away from me. That was wrong.’ Eduardo struggled to stay calm.
The General froze.
‘I know you’ve helped her.’ Eduardo’s anger simmered like a pot of molten lava, yet he was still unable to believe this horrible reality. ‘You might as well tell me where she is now, because I will find her. I have more resources, more patience than you can imagine. I have to know she is okay. I have to see that for myself.’
He realised now just how fragile she was. And just how courageous.
Last night he’d told her she wasn’t alone any more. But the first time she’d questioned it—the first time she’d needed him—he’d walked out. She’d been hurt and he’d hurt her more. Because he’d been so wrapped up in his own insecurity he hadn’t seen how truly upset she’d been.
He was an idiot. She’d never had the emotional security she’d craved. Of course she was going to test him. This morning she’d done what she did best and challenged him. And he’d let her down.
He shouldn’t have left her to wake by herself, because something had happened to set off her doubts. He shouldn’t have stood there silently judging her when she still hadn’t told him her fears about the birth. These were huge fears for her, and she’d needed to feel totally safe before she shared them. He’d needed to earn that trust. And now she’d run away because she was used to being alone. Because she thought she still was.
That broke his heart.
How could he expect her to open up to him the way he wanted when he hadn’t done the same? He’d shut her out from how he really felt. So often when they’d verged on true intimacy he’d turned things physical. Kept her close, but kept that last bit of himself distant. Safe. Until last night.
Those kids he’d seen at the hospital today kept on fighting. They faced things far more fearful. He’d been a coward. After that day on the beach he’d been too proud to chase her—in reality he’d been too much of a chicken. Because he’d been as freaked out by the intensity of that afternoon as she had. Only he hadn’t been man enough to admit it—not even to himself.
Then fate had given him a second chance, and he’d gladly taken advantage of it.
Yet he’d still screwed it up.
So he’d damn well find her. But as soon as he knew she was okay he’d set her free. If she still wanted to, she could live overseas. He’d find her a safe haven. His heart tore at the thought of letting her go, but he’d do whatever was necessary to ensure her happiness.
‘You all right? You’re breathing funny.’
The General was staring at him as if he’d grown an extra head.
‘I need to find her.’
‘You should already know where she is,’ her father said. ‘She’s where she always goes when she needs time to think.’
She wanted to think? Hope bubbled up within him. If she needed to think then it might not be too late.
Now he tried to think. Stella’s answer to everything was exercise. She always went for a run. Or a swim.
The answer hit like a lightning bolt and he almost laughed at the simplicity. The obviousness. More hope bubbled. He didn’t deserve her if he wasn’t right. If he took the Maserati he could get there in less than half an hour...
But his way out of the palace was blocked by his brother, standing in the high-studded, gilded atrium, clad in an Armani tuxedo and adjusting a gleaming cufflink.
‘Are you ready?’ Antonio scowled at Eduardo’s jeans.
He’d forgotten about the opening night of the freaking opera and the damn politicians he was supposed to schmooze. ‘Antonio, I can’t right now.’
His brother looked implacable. ‘All I need you to do is—’
‘I can’t go with you.’ Eduardo interrupted shortly.
His brother’s expressionless eyes narrowed. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘It’s Stella. She’s gone.’
‘Already?’
‘Be human!’ Eduardo shouted. ‘Be human for one goddamn minute.’
Antonio stood so rigid he looked as if he’d been cast in metal.
‘I’m sorry that you lost Alessia.’ Eduardo gazed at his brother and offered his wretched apology. ‘I am so sorry I never told you she was sick. I will always be sorry that I never told you.’
His lungs hurt with the effort of breathing. With the effort of not pushing past Antonio and combing the streets in a desperate, hopeless, fear-filled search.
‘I know you put the Crown first. But I’m not you. I can’t do that. Stella comes first for me now and she always will. I can’t be here. I can’t do this. I have to go after her.’
As he went to go past him Antonio gripped his arm with a vice-like hand. Eduardo turned and looked into his brother’s face. They almost stood eye to eye.
‘I don’t blame you for my not going to see Alessia sooner.’ Antonio spoke with quiet, lethal intensity. ‘I could have gone. So many times. And I didn’t. That was my decision. My fault. My guilt.’
Eduardo shook his head. ‘I should have told you. I should have made you go. I should have been a better brother. To you and to her.’
A muscle jerked in Antonio’s jaw. But then he lifted his hand and ruffled Eduardo’s hair in that old tease of years ago. ‘It’s still too long, but it suits you.’ He released Eduardo with a small, wry smile. ‘Go. Get out of here. Do what’s right.’
Eduardo heard Antonio’s quiet words behind him as he strode away.
‘Do what I didn’t.’
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THE TIDE HAD TURNED. Waves rushed higher. In another hour there’d only be a narrow strip of dry sand left at the base of the cliff. She needed to walk back around the rocks to the bay. She wasn’t going to risk free-climbing up the cliff now she had a baby on board.
She splashed in the water, her sandals wet. Her father’s man was waiting around the next bay, ready to drive her wherever she wanted to go. She just had to decide where that was going to be.
To Eduardo? Or to anonymity on an island a thousand miles away from this one?
She knew where he’d gone. Her father had told her. And even though it was for a good cause it had made her angrier. She’d have gone with him if he’d asked her to. If he’d told her. But he hadn’t asked. And she hadn’t said anything either. She hadn’t told him so much. Neither of them had.
That was when it finally hit her. Everything that was wrong with her father was also wrong with her. She’d been so uncommunicative it was unfair.
She could create a good life for herself here. She could be brave. She could tell Eduardo she’d fallen for him and ask him to be gentle when he wanted out of their marriage. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t love her. He desired her. He respected her. Couldn’t that be enough to make this a success?
Not if she kept acting like a sulky, spoilt child.
She’d spent her life trying to please her father, instead of letting it go and just being herself. Pleasing herself. Her life could have been so much richer if she hadn’t tried to control herself and remained so intensely focused on that one goal. She’d been without friends and lonely for so long because she hadn’t let people in. She could have joked with some of her fellow soldiers about the General being her dad. Instead she’d isolated herself by trying to prove herself for so long.
Eduardo was lonely and isolated too. Mired in that conflict between duty and desire. As Giulia had said, they had much in common.
So maybe they could be more than husband and wife. Maybe they could be a team. They could achieve a whole bunch of stuff together.
Finally she admitted the truth to herself—the hurt and anger she felt wasn’t about the baby. It had never been about the baby. Her fears had been for herself. She’d been in lust with him from the start, but once she’d got to know him she’d fallen hard, and it hurt to know he didn’t feel the same. But she had to grow up—she was stronger than this. She had to go back.
She turned, walking ankle-deep into the water again to walk around the bay. But she’d taken only a few paces when she saw him splashing towards her. His jeans were half soaked, his hair a tousled mess, but he looked magnificent. Fiery, full of energy, he almost crackled as he moved. He strode towards her, his arms lifting as if he was about to pull her hard against him. Only he checked himself, lowering his hands and shoving them into his pockets. He opened his mouth, but then blew out a deep breath rather than saying anything.
‘Did he tell you where I was?’ she asked.
‘No. He didn’t let you down.’ He looked at her sodden sandals and the wet half of her skirt. ‘You’ve been swimming?’
She shook her head. ‘The rip is too strong, I wouldn’t want to get carried away.’
He nodded, his eyes hollowed and burning. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Why are you here?’ Her heart stalled while she waited for his answer.
‘I’m sorry you have to ask that.’ He splashed closer. ‘I’m so sorry, Stella.’
Her heart pounded, pushing hope in small pulses around her body. ‘My father told me where you went this afternoon. Your private schedule. The hospital. He said you call in there all the time. That you know some of the kids really well.’ Her voice faded.
‘Don’t go thinking I’m any kind of hero,’ he said. ‘I only do it because it makes me feel good.’
‘Because you like them fawning over you? It’s some ego trip?’
He pressed his lips together again. She knew he wasn’t going to defend himself against the stupid suggestion. And that was so typical of him.
‘I know it’s not that,’ she said softly. ‘I think it’s because you like to see them smile.’
He liked to see lots of people smile. He was kind that way.
‘It’s nothing, Stella,’ he muttered.
‘It’s not nothing.’ She hated it that he belittled what he did. That he didn’t believe in himself. What he did mattered to so many.
For a second he looked so vulnerable it broke her heart all over again.
‘You mostly spend time with the young adults. The ones like Alessia,’ she added. ‘That can’t be easy for you.’
‘It’s—’
‘Don’t say it’s nothing again, or I’ll have to hurt you.’
A smile glimmered in his eyes, then it faded. ‘I can’t ever make it right.’
Was he always going to punish himself for that? ‘You were young, and it wasn’t a fair secret you’d been asked to keep.’
‘There’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have told my girlfriend.’
‘You should have been able to trust her. It’s good to be able to talk to the people you love. To share your burdens... She was in the wrong. Not you.’
And he’d been paying for that mistake ever since. That was why he did everything his brother asked of him. Why he didn’t push for more freedom. He didn’t think he deserved it. He felt he owed.
‘He is the loneliest person, and there is so little I can do to help him.’ Eduardo lifted his head and looked directly into her eyes. ‘Why did you leave? You want to leave San Felipe for good?’
‘Not San Felipe.’ She gazed up at him, her heart melting, and yet now the moment was here she was more scared than ever in her life before.
‘Me,’ he said heavily. ‘You don’t want the baby to end up like me.’
‘No...’ she whispered, shocked that he’d ever think that. ‘I thought I needed—’
‘You need—’ Eduardo interrupted, then pulled up short. For a second that old arrogance flashed over his face. But then it faded. ‘I don’t want to fight this any more, Stella. I surrender.’
She stared for a moment. ‘Surrender what?’ She suddenly lost the battle to contain her emotions. ‘Our marriage? What you want for the baby?’ Had he given up on her already?
‘No. Neither of those things. Or both of them, if that’s what you want.’ He stopped and shrugged. ‘The decision is yours, Stella. Our future is in your hands.’
‘What?’ The faintest whisper.
His hands gripped her cold ones. ‘I was so angry when I found out you were pregnant. Because you hadn’t told me. You hadn’t come to me. You were just going to walk away and not let me have any kind of say—’
‘I hadn’t even had a chance to think about what I was going to do,’ she interrupted.
‘I know that now, but back then I’d made my plan and I thought it was perfect. I thought I could control what was between us—lust. Controllable. Finite. It always has been before. And I thought I could control you. The palace officials wanted either Antonio or me to marry—but it was always going to be me. This way I got to present them with a fait accompli before they started parading prospective brides in front of me. My woman, with an heir already on the way and an end in sight when we’d had enough. I thought I’d risen above that anger and turned the situation to my advantage. The perfect solution.’
He squeezed her hands gently.
‘But I hadn’t thought through the impact of any of it on you. I hadn’t thought about your needs at all. I was so arrogant. What woman wouldn’t want to be my Princess, right? What an honour...what an amazing lifestyle... And a fat pay-off waiting for her at the end as long as she kept quiet and obedient. I thought I was doing you the biggest favour and that you should be grateful.’ He grimaced. ‘I was an asshole. I’m sorry.’
‘I did want to be your Princess,’ she said quietly. ‘I liked it.’
‘But it’s not what you wanted.’ He looked down. ‘I’m not what you wanted.’
‘I slept with you within ten seconds of meeting you,’ she reminded him with a wry smile. ‘How can you say you’re not what I wanted?’
His lips twisted, but it was a sad-edged smile. ‘Lust.’
‘Uncontrollable,’ she whispered bravely. ‘Infinite.’
‘Stella—’ He lifted one hand to cup her jaw.
‘It was a good plan.’ She overrode him, speaking quickly, because she needed to have her say before he said something that would stop her. She feared his pity more than anything. ‘In some ways it was the only possible plan.’
‘But you left.’
Again. Now she knew she’d hurt him. And if she had the power to hurt him that was because he cared. Hope, and a cautious confidence, began to flow.
‘You were right. Your title can give this baby so much—how could I deny it all those benefits? Those rights? And you were right in saying that I could give the child love...but I’d always lacked love. Or I thought I had. And that was the real problem. So the truth...?’ She swallowed. ‘This pregnancy was my excuse for running. All this time I was deluding myself that all that mattered was the baby...that I was putting the baby first... Really it was all about me. I left because I was a coward. I couldn’t bear to be with you—’
‘You are afraid of me?’ He actually lost colour.
‘I’m afraid of wanting what I didn’t think you could give me, nor wanted to give me.’ Her confidence slipped as she saw the storm clouds gathering in his eyes. ‘I heard you talking to Antonio. “What prince ever marries for love?”’
‘Stella—’
‘Let me speak—please let me speak,’ she interrupted him again, twisting her hands free of his and holding them up to stop him. ‘I’ve not spoken up the way I should and I have to now.’
She sighed as she saw him grit his teeth, and her eyes watered dangerously. She cleared her throat. She couldn’t let emotion get in the way—not now.
‘I thought I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to earn the love and approval of someone who’d become everything to me. Not all over again.’ She drew another tight-chested breath. ‘But then I realised that it doesn’t matter. Because when you love someone you do everything you can for them.’
As she spoke, her heart felt as if it was growing, about to burst, but with each word her voice weakened.
‘And one of the most important things is to talk to them.’ She tried to smile, but it was hard to speak honestly about something so personal. She’d never felt so vulnerable. ‘That’s where I’m not so good. In fact I’m as bad as my dad. All action, not enough words. Never the words.’
Silence fell and she looked up at him. Her pirate prince was utterly still now, but he was nothing like a stone statue. He was too vibrant, too vital, too hot. She could hardly bear to look at him, but she couldn’t turn away. She couldn’t give up on this. On him. On them.
‘What are the words, Stella?’ he prompted her, more gentle than she’d ever heard him.
Her throat and chest were so tight they ached, and while she ought to be deafened by the thundering pace of her heart beating, all she could hear was the strained silence that she couldn’t seem to breach. Finally, right on the edge, she’d lost the nerve to step off and make the leap.
‘How could I admit to Antonio what I could hardly admit to myself?’ Eduardo said softly, after another unbearable, seemingly endless second. ‘I thought it would burn itself out, but it only burns hotter. That crazy moment on this beach was merely the spark that lit a fire that’s fuelled by much more than lust.’
He paused, his frown deepening.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you needed to see Dr Russo?’ The blue of his eyes was almost black. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were worried? He called me after I’d seen Antonio this morning. I was angry you hadn’t told me... I thought we’d gotten so close last night... But then to find out you’d held back something so important... That you wouldn’t turn to me...’
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She’d frozen at the hurt she saw in him.
‘I hate being excluded,’ he said rawly. ‘When the people I care about don’t tell me what they’re going through it makes me feel...feel like I can’t help them. Feel that they think what I have to offer isn’t enough...’
She had hurt him. And that was why he’d shut her out this morning. He’d been as hurt as she. Neither of them able to articulate their true fears. Both of them scared of trusting.
But there had to be that leap now.
‘It’s just that I was scared,’ she mumbled, desperate to explain. ‘Not of you,’ she clarified quickly. ‘I’m a soldier. I’m supposed to be brave. But I’m terrified about giving birth.’
‘Oh, sweetheart.’
‘And I was scared you only cared about the baby. Not really me. And I didn’t want to bother you.’ She closed her eyes. ‘I hate being so pathetic.’
He placed his hands on her waist, firmly anchoring her. ‘The last thing you are is pathetic. You don’t have to be alone and scared. You don’t have to be either of those things ever again.’
Her tears spilled from beneath the closed lashes. And despite that massive lump in her throat she could finally speak clearly. ‘I had this huge crush on you for so long, and then all this happened and I just wanted more. You were so much more than I’d ever imagined. So charming, so sexy...and then so funny and kind. So much more a prince than I’d thought... And then I didn’t want to be the bride you bedded, who had your baby and who you then walked away from. I wanted the whole fairy tale. And it wasn’t fair of me. It wasn’t realistic of me to expect everything from you—’
‘Why not?’ he interrupted. ‘I want more from you. I want everything from you.’
He enfolded her in warmth and strength. She melted into his arms, reaching up to kiss him. A kiss full of desperation and apology and desire. And so much love.
He broke away with a pained groan. ‘We need to tell your father you’re okay. He’s worried.’
‘Maybe we could invite him to have lunch soon?’
She was so happy, so full of future possibilities, she saw now that she needed to try again. Her father had offered to help. Maybe, with Eduardo’s support, she could open up to him too—maybe they could rebuild a relationship outside of regimental duty.
‘He’ll have to come in the helicopter. We’re going back to Secreto Real for the next few weeks.’ Eduardo brushed her hair back with gentle fingers.
‘We are?’
‘If that’s okay with you.’ He gazed into her eyes for a moment, then rested his forehead on hers as if he couldn’t bear to stand more than an inch away from her. ‘We need time, Stella,’ he said softly. ‘Fortunately we have for ever.’