Raccoon Rampage

Dedication

For Sophie and Ollie.

And, no, before you ask, you can’t have a pet raccoon!

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Chapter 1 - The Raid

Chapter 2 - Daydream Believer

Chapter 3 - Something Fishy

Chapter 4 - No Surrender

Chapter 5 - The Leap of Faith

Chapter 6 - Four Minus One

Chapter 7 - A Shot in the Dark

Chapter 8 - City Life

Chapter 9 - A Pizza the Action

Chapter 10 - Raccoon-napped

Chapter 11 - Drainpipe Pete

Chapter 12 - Paradise Found

Chapter 13 - Mad Max

Chapter 14 - Community Service

Credits

Copyright

About the Publisher

The moon was bright and everything in the forest was still. All the action was at Max’s place. Rocky couldn’t help but worry. “It’s b-b-breaking and entering,” he stuttered, pointing at the broken window. “What if the old man hears us?”

Quickpaw’s head poked out from a litter of biscuit wrappers and he wiped crumbs from his whiskers. He stood up, dusted himself down and stifled a burp. “We’ll tidy up before we leave,” he said. “Max won’t know anything about our little raid.” He moved along the shelf and examined a tin. His reading wasn’t the best, but he could recognise a picture of a salmon when he saw one. “Gotcha!” he squealed. “Guys, a tin of our favourite fish!”

Sunshine looked up from his meal, cat food smeared round his mouth. “Cool! Nice find, boss,” he chomped.

Dempsey had scoffed so many apples that his tummy was hurting. He was prowling the top shelf in search of something that always made him feel better – muffins.

“B-But what about Max?” hissed Rocky. “We shouldn’t be here, sneaking around his shop in the dead of night. He’s got a gun, you know.”

“Stop fretting,” scoffed Dempsey from up above. “Max is snoring. And he’ll never hear us, so long as we’re quie—” The small raccoon brushed against a bottle. It wobbled. Dempsey gulped. He was very high up. Not good! He reached to steady the bottle and made things worse. His paws went to his eyes as the bottle fell, smashing on to the concrete floor. All four members of the Hole-in-the-Tree gang froze. Dempsey peeped out from behind his claws. “Sorry!” he whimpered. “Maybe Max is a heavy sleeper?”

Light flooded from the crack under the door. All eyes went to Quickpaw. “What do we do, boss?” squeaked Rocky. “I told you we’d be in trouble.”

“Hide!” instructed Quickpaw, leading by example and diving into a sack of oatmeal. Instinctively, the three other raccoons made for their hiding places. Dempsey squeezed behind a jar of pickles on the top shelf; Sunshine wiped the cat food from his mouth and leaped into a Wellington boot; Rocky looked around frantically. All the hiding places were taken! Max’s footsteps were coming down the stairs. The old man was grumbling. “Either robbers or raccoons,” Rocky heard him mutter. “Either way, they’ll be getting some of this.” Rocky’s panic nearly boiled over as he heard the shopkeeper rummaging in the hallway cabinet. That’s where he keeps his gun!

Rocky remembered casing the joint. There was something that Max called a “cash register”. He remembered Max pressing a button and a little drawer shooting open. Just enough room for a raccoon, he hoped.

Max’s hand was on the door handle as Rocky pressed the button, the cash register opened and he dived in. The till closed and the room fell silent.

Max barged through the door, flicking the light switch as he did so. It was three o’clock in the morning and his eyes were as wild as his hair. The barrel of his gun scanned the room, his brain putting the clues together. Broken window. Glass on the floor. His old-fashioned shop was very cluttered and he figured there were a lot of places for a robber to hide.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” wheezed the shopkeeper. “Anyone burgling Max’s store is going to get what they deserve.” The old man shuffled his slippered feet to the end of the aisle, crunching on the broken glass as he walked. He jumped round the corner, ready to shoot at an intruder. Quickpaw sank deeper into the oats; Sunshine scrunched himself into the foot of the boot and held his breath as the man stalked by; Dempsey dared to peer down from the top shelf. Max was wearing blue-and-white-striped pyjamas and a very angry face.

The raccoons heard a distant voice. “Anyone there?” shouted Max’s wife from the safety of the bedroom.

“Soon see,” muttered the storekeeper to himself. The old man hauled open the door of his storeroom and prodded the gun inside. He pulled the cord and the storeroom light came on. Dempsey gasped from behind the pickle jar. Boxes and boxes of food. A whole treasure trove that we’ve never discovered! Next time, he promised himself. If there is a next time!

Max seemed calmer. The old man assured himself that whoever had tried to burgle his store had disappeared into the night. And, from what he could gather, nothing seemed to be missing. He was pleased that he’d scared them away. “Better check the till,” he croaked. Dempsey’s eyes widened as the old man approached Rocky’s hiding place; Quickpaw’s eyes and nose poked out of the sack; Sunshine’s black-and-white face twitched out of the top of the boot.

Max shuffled behind the counter. His bony finger pressed the cash-register button and the drawer sprang open. Max was used to the satisfying ker-ching noise.

But he dropped his weapon in horror as a screaming black-and-white animal hurled itself at him. Man and beast yelled. Max staggered around the room as he tried to yank the furry intruder from his face. Rocky clung on. The gun hit the floor and went off, a bullet shattering the jar next to Dempsey, splattering pickles against the wall. Yikes!

Dempsey was first out of the door. Quickpaw made for the window, cutting himself as he fled. Rocky was peeled from the man’s face and thrown to the floor. The raccoon was winded. He looked at the shocked man while he got his breath back. Max was reaching for his gun. It’s now or never! Rocky was away, scooting towards the door. The terrified raccoon darted through the legs of Max’s equally terrified wife.

“Burglars?” wailed the lady.

“Worse,” growled her husband. “Thieving raccoons. And if there’re any left in here, they can expect some of this,” he said, pointing to the barrel of his gun. “Five shots left!”

Sunshine was out of the Wellington boot. He was flat against it, working out the odds of making it to the window. He eased one foot from behind the boot and a shot instantly rang out, ricocheting off the stone floor. “There’s one!” yelled Max. “Probably missing a foot by now.”

Not quite, thought Sunshine, his heart thumping. But that was too close for comfort. He heard the old man’s slippers shuffling towards him and he eased round the other side of the boot. “Come out, you varmint,” coaxed the shopkeeper. “I have a little something for you.”

Sunshine tried to think clearly. He picked up a tin of salmon and hurled it across the room. Max twirled and fired in the direction of the noise, blasting several jars of gherkins to smithereens. Sunshine sniffed the air. He could smell the gun and he also sniffed a chance to escape. He knew he didn’t have much time. Max was distracted, so this was his moment. The raccoon’s sharp eyes fixed on a barrel near the door. He wasn’t sure what “live bait” meant, but he liked the look of the picture. Wiggly worms! The raccoon crept across the floor as another shot pinged into the chair next to him. He dodged the wooden splinters and sprinted for all he was worth. Two more shots rang out, but he made it to the barrel, chest heaving. With a mighty shove he managed to push the barrel over. It hit the hard floor and the lid fell off, wriggling worms oozing into the room. The lady screamed and fainted. The floor was alive and the old man slipped. His slippers came off and his toes squelched. He tried to get to his feet, but slipped again, on to his hands and knees in a sea of worms.

Sunshine played it cool. The man’s gun was out of reach. The raccoon smoothed his whiskers and straightened his hat. He loved his trusty cowboy hat. He took a plastic bag and filled it with apples before sidestepping the worms and making his way out into the night.

He stood at the door and saluted the old man. Respect Max, he thought. You came close. But I think we can chalk this one up as another victory for the Hole-in-the-Tree gang.

His friends were waiting for him as Sunshine scampered up the redwood tree and hauled himself into the hole. He pulled the bag in and apples spewed out on to the floor. He high-fived Quickpaw, then Dempsey and Rocky. “Borrowed these off Max on the way out,” he said, crunching into a juicy apple.

“I thought you were a g-goner,” stammered Rocky. “He had a gun and everything.”

“He was no problem,” exaggerated Sunshine. “Remember, this raccoon can break into and out of anything,” he said, cracking his tiny knuckles. “You’ve heard of a cat burglar? Well, guys, meet the world’s best raccoon burglar!” he bragged, bowing to his friends. “Oh, and young Rocky-me-lad, I thought your hiding place was excellent, by the way.”

Rocky smiled with pride. “I collected these,” he said, holding out some gold and silver coins. “They were in the drawer. They sure are pretty. Humans use them to swap for stuff. So maybe next time we can swap instead of steal?”

Quickpaw Cassidy was the brains behind the outfit. He knew Max was on to them. In fact, the whole village was on to them! He looked around their den. It was carpeted, courtesy of bathmats from Maggie’s Gift Mart. There were four small cushions to sleep on. Quickpaw smiled as he remembered this particular raid. Off the sofa at number twenty-three. We had a nice drink of lemonade too. And some candles from there. Then there were the toothbrushes from the mini-market. Mmm, being chased from there by a man with a golf club was a bit hairy! And the mirror, he thought, his chest swelling with pride. Our biggest and best job to date. He glanced at his reflection, his shiny black eyes smiling. That took all four of us, working as a team. We risked seven years of bad luck getting it down from that first-floor window!

The law of the forest meant that no animal could survive on its own. The Hole-in-the-Tree gang worked well as a unit. They were still very young raccoons, but they were learning fast. Quickpaw was full of daring ideas and he knew the others looked to him for direction. And, as the biggest, he was always expected to be at the front if there was trouble. He’d recently stood up to Calamity Colin, the roughest, toughest and meanest raccoon in the forest. Luckily for Quickpaw Cassidy he could count on his friend The Sunshine Cub and together they’d fought off “The Calamity”. A shame about Sunshine’s tail, though, thought Quickpaw. Still, half a tail is better than none!

His tail aside, Sunshine was the coolest raccoon in the forest. He even used the fight with The Calamity to his advantage, exaggerating to make it sound like he’d fought off a pack of wild dogs. When everyone else went into panic mode, the gang could count on Sunshine to stay calm. And added to that, Sunshine could break into anything. He’d even broken into the police station and stolen a walkie-talkie that sat proudly next to the mirror. Sunshine liked the mirror, never missing an opportunity to spruce up his whiskers and straighten his cowboy hat. Sometimes he’d press the walkie-talkie button and jabber away in Raccoon to the police. From the tone of their reply, he knew it annoyed them. But it was great fun!

Rocky was the worrier, always predicting bad weather, predators and famine. He was skinny and nervous and would flinch at the slightest noise, but was good to have in the gang because he nagged the others until things got done. It was Rocky who’d insisted they build their den high enough to avoid bears. It was Rocky who insisted on a small store of food “for a rainy day” and it was Rocky who’d made sure they didn’t steal honey from the killer bees.

In fact, Rocky was the perfect antidote to Dempsey, who saw the bright side of everything and the good in everyone. Dempsey was also a bit of a dreamer. He loved to sit and watch Max’s TV through the window and he dreamed of a new life in the city. His stash of City Life magazines was stacked neatly in one corner of the den and he’d plastered the walls with pictures of skyscrapers. So when Dempsey said they should move to the city and get an apartment with a TV and Xbox, it was important to have Rocky around. He was the sensible one. “We’re raccoons,” he would say. “We live in the forest. In trees! It’s what raccoons have always done and what they always will do! And we should be cautious.”

Like all good leaders, Quickpaw was a good listener. Maybe Rocky had a point? Quickpaw knew there was a fine line between being cautious and being daring. He also knew there was a fine line between being well fed and starving. While their tummies were full, courtesy of Max’s General Store, he knew that winter was coming and they needed to put on weight before food became scarce. Quickpaw Cassidy cut through the excited chatter. “We need to do one more big job,” he said to his gang. “Something that will get us enough food to see us through the winter.”

“B-B-But—” began Rocky.

“No buts,” snapped Quickpaw, waving his paws for calm. “You see this,” he said, jabbing at his tummy. “It’s not fat enough to keep me going in the winter. Have you guys felt the temperature change? Snow’s coming.”

“Which means frozen ground,” agreed Sunshine. “No grubs or fruit.”

“And the lake will be iced over,” continued Quickpaw. “So no fish.”

“No fish!” Rocky whimpered. “Disaster. I love fish.”

“Then listen carefully,” said Quickpaw, “because I have a cunning plan.”

“We’ve got until the sun reaches its highest point. That’s when the van arrives. Is everyone clear on the plan?”

“No problemo,” purred Sunshine. “I steal the keys. Easy for a raccoon with such nimble fingers as these,” he said, waggling his paws. “And I open the back doors.”

“And me and Quickpaw collect as many fish as we can,” piped up Dempsey. “Then away into the forest with enough supplies for the entire winter season. It’s genius!”

“More like dangerous,” began Rocky. “Max is sure to be on the lookout for us,” he shivered, remembering the shotgun. “And it’s not fair on Max, is it? I mean, it’s stealing.”

“Max’ll hardly notice if a few fish go missing,” sighed Quickpaw. “Humans have plenty of food. And look at what they’re doing to the forest. Remember our last tree house?”

Rocky gulped, recalling the horror when their tree house was felled to make way for some apartments.

“We lost everything. Plus humans are always fishing on our lake. That’s stealing too. They’ll be emptying it if we’re not too careful.”

“It’s not empty,” argued Rocky.

“Not yet,” agreed Sunshine. “Think of this job as our last one of the season. We nab a few fish from the back of the van before Max gets them into his freezer. The old boy will never notice. He’ll be happy that his freezer is full. And we’ll be happy that our winter stores are full.”

“And our tummies,” beamed Dempsey, rubbing his furry belly.

“Plus,” chipped in Quickpaw, “we can leave old Maxy-boy alone. He can have winter in peace, without us starving raccoons breaking and entering.”

Rocky still didn’t look sure, but Quickpaw knew there wasn’t time to stand around persuading him. Yes, it was a risk. And yes, they had to be extra careful. And yes, it was their biggest heist ever. But as leader, he had responsibilities to the gang. And his chief responsibility was to keep them alive through the barren winter season. “All back here for midday sun,” he barked. “And guys,” he sniffed, “be careful out there.”

Quickpaw and Dempsey worked as a pair. They’d already stolen Max’s washing line, a long string of freshly washed shirts, socks and pants trailing in the dust. They’d identified their next target, the hammock on Mr McCluskey’s porch. “It’s good and sturdy,” suggested Dempsey, “plus he’s only four doors from Max’s so there won’t be far to travel.” They approached the cabin, sniffing cautiously. Dempsey stood on his hind legs to get a better view of the hammock. They knew McCluskey had a dog and Quickpaw was keen to keep his bushy tail intact. Rocky was positioned on high, clinging to the top branch of an oak. Quickpaw’s words were ringing in his head – Being on lookout is a very responsible position. Lives depend on it. It was no wonder his tiny raccoon teeth were chattering.

Rocky looked to his right and saw Quickpaw and Dempsey approaching the cabin. All seemed clear. He looked left and watched the fish van winding its way slowly along the road. “Right on cue,” he muttered. “Let the action begin.”

Quickpaw went first, darting across the no-man’s-land of McCluskey’s garden and under the wooden veranda. He beckoned to Dempsey. So far so good, sighed Rocky from above. Now get that hammock. He needn’t have worried. Quickpaw had already made a start, gnawing at the rope that was holding the hammock up. Dempsey started at the opposite end, holding the rope in his tiny hands, his razor teeth chewing frantically. The raccoons were halfway through the ropes when the door creaked open and McCluskey appeared, a beer can in his hand. The raccoons scuttled out of the way while the rather large man stretched and supped the rest of his beer. He crumpled his empty can and threw it into the garden. Rocky heard the massive belch from his treetop-lookout position. Crikey!

Quickpaw peered up at the man. No way, he thought as McCluskey moved towards the hammock. You can’t lie there. We need it for our project!

McCluskey stood and scratched a while, contemplating how he would attack the hammock. Getting in was always a bit tricky. He decided that one big lunge would do it. Rocky gulped as he watched the man leap into his hammock. The half-chewed ropes snapped and McCluskey fell to the floor with a thump. “What the—” he began, climbing to his feet and examining the ropes. “Someone’s sabotaged my hammock!” Suspecting a practical joke by his son, Mr McCluskey stormed inside. Dempsey and Quickpaw heard furious yelling and a big slap as they leaped on to the porch and clutched the hammock in their tiny paws.

Perfect, thought Rocky from on high. He glanced left and saw the fish van pulling up at Max’s store. The driver was getting out and going to see Max. To his right there were two raccoons sprinting for their lives, a hammock trailing behind and a line of clothes trailing even further.

The Sunshine Cub had waited patiently. He’d burrowed underneath Max’s shop and his beady eyes shone with excitement. The keys, he sniffed. My mission is to get those keys. So, as the driver temporarily left his van, Sunshine was straight in. He dived through the open window and stared at the buttons and levers. Wow! he thought. Gadgets! This is so cool. He sniffed the fishy smell coming from the back of the van and it brought him to his senses. His little raccoon fingers clasped the key. He twisted. Nothing. It’s stuck. He could hear shouting from the McCluskeys’ house. He could see Max and the van driver chatting in the shop. Sunshine twisted again, pulling at the same time, and the keys came away in his paw. The light-fingered raccoon crept out of the driver’s window, leaped on to the windscreen and up on to the top of the van. He waved to Rocky in the lookout tree, the keys glinting in the sun. Now for the tricky bit. Sunshine shimmied down the opposite side of the van and clung on to the back door. His other hand fumbled for the key and tried to fit it into the lock.

Rocky had seen enough. It wasn’t looking good. McCluskey and his son had spotted the missing hammock and were striding after the raccoons. From what he could see, McCluskey was waving a baseball bat and shouting some rather nasty things. Even worse, Max and the van driver had finished chatting and were making towards the van! I’d better go and help, he thought, his panic turning a downward climb into a fall.

Quickpaw and Dempsey knew they didn’t have much time. They arrived at the van just as Sunshine had unlocked the back door and swung it open. “Ta-da,” he bragged, revealing more fish than the team had ever imagined. The hammock was laid flat and Quickpaw and Dempsey set to work. Quickpaw was inside the van, tossing fish out; Dempsey was catching them and laying them on the hammock. “Quickly, quickly,” shouted Rocky, panting after his run. “They’re coming! Too late,” he squealed as Max looked up and saw the team at work.

“No way!” shouted the shopkeeper. “Pesky varmints stole my money and now they’re thieving my fish!”

“And my new hammock!” yelled McCluskey, breaking into a trot.

Rocky’s panic had gone into overdrive. He leaped up and down, his screeching loud enough to be heard by the whole town. The hammock was only half full, but they could wait no longer. Dempsey and Quickpaw tugged with their claws and started to drag their catch into the forest. A whole winter’s supply was heavy going!

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