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‘It’s not love,’ she said frostily when the last smile had fallen beneath her uncompromising glare. ‘Just because you’re seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses, Reese, does not mean I’ve taken leave of my senses. You know I don’t believe in that voodoo. It’s his pheromones—that’s all. The man smells incredible…’
Cassie could still smell him on her, and she shut her eyes for a moment to savour it.
‘It was dizzying,’ she said, eyes still closed. ‘Truly sensational. Like it was all I could do to stop myself sniffing and sniffing and sniffing him all night.’
Cassie’s eyelids fluttered open and she found her friends staring at her with varying degrees of perplexity. She cleared her throat and straightened in her chair. ‘Anyway…it’s obviously a scent I’m biologically programmed to respond to. It’s just…biochemistry. Nothing more.’
The waiter arrived and conversation stopped as he placed Cassie’s breakfast in front of her. When he left Cassie looked at Gina. ‘Surely there’s a lay word for that other than love? When your body overrules your brain?’
Gina nodded. ‘Yep. We call it horny.’
Cassie shook her head. ‘No.’ She was a scientist. She refused to be horny.
Gina nodded again. ‘Totally gagging for it.’
Cassie wasn’t sure what that meant exactly, but it sounded like something they’d say in the locker room on an American cop show. ‘Absolutely not.’
‘Libido?’ Reese supplied.
Cassie paused. She liked that word best. It was backed up by science—the non-Freudian kind. It could be proved—the area of the brain responsible for libido had been studied extensively.
‘Yes,’ Gina agreed. ‘It’s your libido knocking.’
‘Okay, I can buy that,’ Cassie conceded. ‘But my libido has never been an issue before, so why is it knocking now?’
‘Well, that’s easy,’ Gina said. ‘When was the last time you had sex?’
Cassie thought about it for a moment. It had been Len’s birthday request. ‘Seven months ago.’
Gina blinked. ‘Seven months?’ She looked at Reese and Marnie, who were also staring at Cassie’s admission. ‘Well, in that case it’s definitely your libido.’
‘Who’s the guy?’ Marnie asked.
‘His name is Len. He’s another astronomer at the university. We’ve been working on the same project for the last five years. We have a regular hook-up.’
‘Every seven months?’ Gina interjected.
‘It varies,’ Cassie said, oblivious to the palpable incredulity around the table. ‘Usually whenever he starts to get cranky. I’ve found that it improves his focus.’
‘Okay…’ Gina said, shaking her head. ‘So this last time—was it…you know…good?’
Cassie shrugged. Personally she’d never got the big deal about sex. ‘It was satisfactory.’
Gina looked at Reese for back-up. ‘I think what Gina means,’ Reese continued, ‘is did you…you know…’ she lowered her voice ‘…orgasm?’
‘Oh, no,’ Cassie said, unfazed by the conversation. When they’d all lived together Cassie had been privy to many girly chats about all kinds of sex-related issues. She’d learned a great deal of stuff in that house that a bunch of lectures and books had never taught her. ‘I’ve never had an orgasm.’
Had Cassie been one to find humour in awkward situations she would have found the total disbelief on her friends’ faces completely hilarious. They’d all stopped eating and were staring at her.
‘What…never?’ Marnie asked after a stunned silence.
Cassie shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Not even…by yourself?’ Reese asked.
‘Or with a vibrator?’ added Gina, last to recover.
Cassie looked from one to the other. ‘I’ve never masturbated and I don’t own, nor have I ever, a vibrator.’
More silence followed, finally broken by Gina’s, ‘Well, that’s just unnatural. Going without sex is one thing, but there is no excuse for not indulging in a little self-love, Cassiopeia. It’s perfectly healthy. Normal, actually. Didn’t I teach you anything?’
Cassie put down her spoon. ‘No, it’s fine. Some people don’t need sex.’ She shrugged. ‘I’m one of them.’
‘It’s not fine,’ Reese interjected. ‘I don’t know who this Len is that you’ve been having sex with…very, very infrequently…but he’s definitely doing it all wrong.’
‘No, it’s not his fault.’
‘Oh, I think it is,’ Marnie said.
‘No, really.’ Cassie looked at her friends’ concerned faces. ‘The medication I take to sleep…one of its side-effects is libido suppression and difficulty achieving orgasm.’
Gina shuddered. ‘I think I’d rather stay awake for the rest of my life.’ She looked at Cassie. ‘Are you sure you need it?’
Cassie nodded. ‘Without it my brain doesn’t switch off and I can’t sleep. And that’s extremely detrimental to my health. I start to get a little OCD without sleep. And one stay in the psych ward as a teenager was more than enough.’ Cassie vividly remembered the chaos her mind had descended into—how she’d quickly spiralled out of control. ‘Trust me, that’s an experience I never want to repeat.’
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