Diabolita

"When the Lord creates a beautiful woman, the devil creates a new account."

Ambrose Gwyneth Pierce

He stroked her, and she felt a luxurious shock of hair, while only a few layers of silky strands remained on her head, and in some places bald areas were visible. His fingers slid over her skin, and she felt hard, cold, silky skin while she was covered in cuts. She spent such nights with him, with her tormentor and teacher, the spy of her night dreams, those who introduced themselves to THEM.

There was no longer fear in her, she obsequiously looked into his eyes when he came, but she was still afraid of a terrible fate – to become a prisoner of terrible torture after death.

The hardest thing was not even to refuse these meetings – the hardest thing was not to believe.

When you fly into the abyss, and someone saves you, you begin to believe this person, or this POWER – to the end. And it all started some six years ago. Perhaps even earlier she had sensed his presence, but she still could not remember what it was like. It was like small jolts when some hitherto unknown force persuaded you to do otherwise. But six years ago he showed himself: his hand with incredible force penetrated into her stomach and turned everything upside down. All my life, then tantrums, fights, marginal antics, and finally, the hospital. No one could explain the reasons for her illusions and hallucinations. Although she knew it was real.

The sin of connecting with an unknown creature, which is probably the bearer of dark forces, haunted her, but HE promised to save her. And why did she need to be saved?

She could never make the right decision. Everything she did was constantly wrong, her unpretentious tastes turned into gigantic ambitions, and the "just cause" turned into another delirium.

She would really like to live without the help of dark forces, but God was far away and left the right to choose, and this was absolutely impossible for her. He called her "my Devil", promised to make her the princess of darkness, his wife and concubine, but there was always a catch in all this. Carolina went to God: without giving up the hope of finding a way to “His house,” she found time to go to the same church, to the same Father, and confess. She did not say that she was talking to HIM. She simply told that she heard a voice, insisted that she knew that it was from the evil one, and repented that she could not stop it. Father always guided her, but did not consider her soul to be hopeless. Lost – yes, but hopeless – no.

She returned home, where her secret friend was waiting for her, sat down, exhausted, in a chair and again began her battle, the battle for reality. Doctors called it simply schizophrenia, but that is probably why this disease is called "a ticket to hell."

When at first she had to meet this man – who smiled like God, but there was some incomprehensible light in his smile – she thought that they would never see each other again, but fate brought them together again and again. She fell more and more in love with this mysterious smile and could not forbid herself to dream about it.

Her soul tried to avoid this contact, as if sensing the danger emanating from him, but the unknown beckoned with its passionate madness.

Therefore, when he was hundreds of kilometers away from her, he introduced himself to her as the Devil – she was not surprised.

Then he teased and scolded her for her cowardice in endless conversations in her room – that "you probably always knew who I was." But that was not the case. She believed that HE was just a stranger. Beautiful and not at all dangerous.

There were many loves before him, but they were all deaf and tightly hopeless: why love if you cannot defend your own dignity? If you don't feel proud. You don’t feel. When should you stop? She would have given up thinking about him long ago if he hadn't helped her like that. She could always ask him for advice, and it is so close, so good! The inability to make an independent decision, the inability to bear responsibility for her life – such a verdict was passed to her by her relatives. They reproached her for crutches, but these crutches were like sweet: if you have a sweet tooth, oh, how difficult it is to refuse it.

A sly look, that's all that betrayed her invented gentleman. No thorny, horned, no pitchforks and no wool – just a sly look.

So many warm words were said that sometimes she thought, maybe it was her illness that distorts the words of her Guardian Angel? He cared about her so much, only now he could not take care in reality … Sometimes, waking up after a long oblivion, she found that she was lying in a thick layer of dust, the dishes were not washed, the cat was not fed – and no one would change all this for her. And at these moments despair came. In addition, they did not leave the thought of an unenviable fate in hell. She understood, understood everything! That this is the meaning of temptation, she saw many instructive stories on the Internet about how the Devil tempts, and what then offers in return, and she realized that she had fallen into the same trap. She had a plan. No plan, no plan. There were attempts, pitiful attempts to ruin everything, go out and jump from the balcony to stop all this. To go. But life was valuable to her, and besides, she knew, as long as you live, you can still fix it.

She dreamed about many things: about moving to another country, about a kind husband and children, but so far, living in some kind of separate reality, she could not accomplish this.

So she lived, growing up, wiser, but without losing contact with the ghost of the ruler of dark forces. On the day she turned thirty, something happened. He had said before that while she was alive, she could change everything. But if she does not abandon him until the moment of her death, then she will go to Hell after him.

Caroline's 30th birthday was an ordinary summer day. Nothing foreshadowed trouble. Mom baked a cake, Carolina even made cheesecakes herself, they sat nicely in aprons and chatted. The windows were wide open, a cat was basking on the windowsill.

And then something like a storm burst into the house. A terrible wind swept the room, so much so that they could not have time to close the windows. There were no screams on the street, and it seemed that this hurricane was tearing and throwing only at them. Everything in the room began to spin, even the flower pot rose from its seat and flew to the other end of the room. Carolina and her mother tried to fix the problem as best they could, but they were bad at it. Mother ran for the mop to close the shutters. And Caroline made desperate attempts to close the window. And then suddenly the wooden beam supporting the cornice collapsed at the very moment when Carolina stood under it, trying to calm the elements and slam the shutters. The blow fell on the head.

Strong indestructible being – broke off in an instant. Carolina felt herself plunging into some kind of abyss, either in real water, or only in her imagination. She heard his voice. "You made your choice, Devil."

She burst into tears, she felt scared and at the same time somehow calm.

She has been preparing for this for many years. Unable to break the contract with the owner of her dreams, unable to break this connection, she dreamed that one day he would simply pity her and let her soul go. But I didn't believe it.

And then the very day came. The day when chance was interrupted in an open window, in the midst of the most colorful and luscious, but so useless life. She opened her eyes

HE stood in front of her, in an expensive, as it seemed to her, suit – and held out his hand to her.

– Now we are together forever, right Carolina?

– Yes – she muttered. Unable to resist, she burst into tears again, and said as if ashamed of her weakness: "Will I now burn in hell?"

– Why burn? We will celebrate. Champagne awaits us, guests. I'm waiting for you.

Carolina had already reached out her hand, when suddenly everything disappeared and she heard the doctors screaming: "She is breathing, she is breathing!"

Carolina opened her eyes and said: "I was in hell and … you know, now I know for sure that THERE is not scary …!"

Mother thought she was delirious and moved closer to her. “Everything will be fine, my girl. You are in this world, with us. "

A distinct sound sounded in her ears: "It's not time yet. You have to come yourself."

Since then, Caroline has never spoken to HIM, fictional or real. Apparently that choice was made not only by her, that choice was made by God together with her. And I decided to give her a chance.

For the rest of her life, she was grateful for the little bit of doubt that prevented her from accepting this tempting offer. Whatever it is, real or not.

But I always knew that HE would come for her again. And this time he will not give in.