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“Hello, Andie.” Matt smiled that crooked smile of his, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
Eyes the color of cobalt-blue. She remembered their color like her own face. The rich timbre of his voice. His deep laugh. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled for real.
Andie felt sick inside. Five years, four months and thirteen days. That’s how long it’d been since she’d seen or heard from him. So long that she’d tried to forget how much she’d loved him and how furious she was at him for leaving when she needed him more than ever.
She could never forget. Not with a miniature reminder bouncing around her house.
Davie.
She cleared her voice. “Hello, Matt.”
He looked good. Too good. But she needed to keep her distance. Needed to think before she spoke. Even though they were still legally married, this man didn’t seem to want her anymore.
Dear Reader,
Have you ever had a family member or someone very close to you who hurt your feelings desperately? I’m not talking about just a simple inconsideration, although those can certainly add up to bigger problems. But I’m talking about a serious infraction that can devastate a relationship.
They say blood is thicker than water. Families depend upon one another for support and solace. We have a natural love for our family members. We share special lifelong relationships with our family, but only the Savior is perfect. Surely during the span of our lifetime, we are bound to say or do something to hurt our family members. Likewise, they are bound to hurt us in return. For this reason, forgiveness is vitally important throughout our lives. If we don’t forgive our family members, who will?
Sometimes we come from what is called a dysfunctional family. But I have discovered that no one has a “normal” family. Each family is so different. I have to be careful finding fault with other members of my family before I’ve looked at myself. We each should ask ourselves some questions before we judge others. What have I done or not done to exacerbate the problem? What have I said to hurt someone else’s feelings? Have I accused them of forgetting to do something when I likewise have forgotten to do things? Have I made them feel welcome and expressed my love and appreciation to them? Or have I only looked at their failings and imperfections? What about my own faults? Do I deserve to be shunned by them? Or have I looked the other way and forgiven them when they have hurt me?
In The Forest Ranger’s Husband, both the heroine and the hero learn this lesson of forgiveness the hard way. According to the Gospel of John, none of us are without sin and we have no right to cast stones of blame at others until we have become humble enough to rid ourselves of our own faults. This doesn’t mean we should become a doormat for a family member who might be involved in illegal activities or abusing us in some way. But it does mean we must become humble like unto a little child. Children are so forgiving. They want to see the good in everyone. Their pure innocence and kind-heartedness serves as an example to all of us.
I hope you enjoyed reading The Forest Ranger’s Husband, and I invite you to visit my website, www.LeighBale.com, to learn more about my books.
May you find peace in the Lord’s words!
Leigh Bale
The Forest Ranger’s Husband
Leigh Bale
www.millsandboon.co.uk
And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
—Matthew 18: 2–4
In writing this book, I couldn’t help thinking about grace under fire and courage in spite of fear. I know several remarkable people close to my own life who fit this profile exactly. And so this book is dedicated to Daniel, one of my greatest heroes and dearest friends. I love you, son. And to Robin, for having the courage to let her husband serve others overseas even when she needed him more. And also to all wildland fire fighters everywhere. Your guts and skill amaze me.
And thank you to Dan Baird for once again going above and beyond any expectations with his consultation on this book. I’ve had the time of my life scheming with you!
“Andie, the FCO is here to see you.”
Andrea Foster stared at the red light on her telephone console and felt the blood drain from her face. As she held the receiver against her ear and listened to her receptionist’s voice, her stomach twisted into knots.
No, Matt couldn’t be here so soon. He just couldn’t. But he was. Inside the reception area. Waiting to see her. Right now.
She’d known this day would come. Eventually. It was inevitable. But she’d figured Matt would meet someone else and ask her for a divorce, not become a fire control officer working out of the Forest Supervisor’s office. She hadn’t planned a strategy to deal with him.
The urge to have her receptionist tell Matt she was in a meeting overwhelmed Andie. After all this time, just thinking about him brought so many feelings of anger and hurt to the surface.
It would do no good to send Matt away. He’d just return. They had to work together now. She had no choice. They were having a dry winter, which meant a heavy fire season. Already it was February and unseasonably warm, with very little snowpack in the mountains. As the new FCO, it was Matt’s job to ensure her district was prepared. She should get this over with now.
“Andie?”
“Yeah, um, send him in.”
Andie dropped the receiver into its cradle. Her arms trembled as she brushed a hand down the front of her drab olive-green shirt and spruce-green pants. The uniform of a forest ranger. The badge pinned to the flap of her left shirt pocket meant a great deal to her. The culmination of a lot of hard work. She felt proud of her promotion over the Enlo Ranger District in Nevada. She’d longed to share the news of her promotion with Matt and even picked up the phone several times to call him, but her fingers refused to dial the numbers. At one time, she’d shared her dreams with him. All her hopes and fears. Now she didn’t want him to know she’d met her career goal. It seemed too personal. Too intimate.
She stood and walked past her desk covered with tidy piles of grazing reports and watershed studies. Pausing beside the bookcase, she inhaled deeply, trying to settle her nerves.
Finally. Matt was here.
Now she could tell him what she really thought of him. Her excitement to see him again warred with absolute, utter terror.
And contempt.
He hadn’t returned for her. He’d simply taken a new job to build his own career—a job in her hometown. But his return had just hiked her life into a hyper level of complication.
A five-year-old complication named Davie.
A knock sounded on the door. Just before it opened, Andie sat on one corner of her desk, her right leg dangling over the side. She tried to look cool, professional and collected. Tried to appear unaffected by the return of her absentee husband.
Her heart pounded like a jackhammer. She didn’t know what to say to Matt. Didn’t know how to act. She only knew how she felt inside. Like her heart was being ripped apart again and again.
Clarice, her receptionist, opened the door. Her carefully manicured hand rested on the doorknob as she flipped her long, blond hair over her shoulder. “Here we are.”
Matt Cutter limped into Andie’s office, his presence like a blast of January wind to the face. In spite of preparing herself, Andie couldn’t contain a short gasp. Seeing him after all this time felt like a slug to the gut. She couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.
He gripped a wooden cane in his right hand, leaning heavily on it. When had he started limping? Was it temporary or permanent?
“Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, water or … something else?” Clarice smiled up at Matt.
He shook his head, his gaze resting on Andie like a tenton sledge. In a glance, she took in his forest service uniform, identical to hers. He looked much the same as she remembered him, still slim, broad-shouldered and tall. Except a haunted quality had replaced the cocky, daredevil look in his eyes.
“Thanks, Clarice. I’ll take it from here.” Andie stood and rested her fingertips on the desktop to help support her wobbly legs. Panic climbed up her throat, but she fought it off. She was a strong, educated, professional woman. She could handle this.
She hoped.
“Hello, Andie.” Matt smiled that crooked smile of his, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
Eyes the color of cobalt-blue. She remembered their color like her own face. The rich timbre of his voice. His deep laugh. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled for real.
The taste of his kiss.
Andie felt sick inside. Five years, four months and thirteen days. That’s how long it’d been since she’d seen or heard from him. So long that she’d tried to forget they’d ever been married. Tried to forget how much she’d loved him and how furious she was at him for leaving when she needed him more than ever.
She could never forget. Not with a miniature reminder bouncing around her house.
She cleared her voice. “Hello, Matt.”
He looked good. Too good. But she needed to keep her distance. Needed to think before she spoke. Even though they were still legally married, this man didn’t want her anymore. And she no longer wanted him. She had to remember that. They were married in name only.
“You look beautiful as ever.”
Now why did he say that? His words sent shivers racing down her spine, and she realized he’d been perusing her as intently as she had him.
She decided to ignore his compliment. The last thing she needed from him were words that made her love him more. Right now, she’d rather hear an apology.
She gestured toward the cane. “Are you injured?”
“Nothing serious.” He sat in a hard-backed chair in front of her desk.
“What happened to your leg?” she asked.
“Just a small battle wound. It’ll be fine.”
He downplayed his limp, but his strong, stubborn chin hardened slightly. Something about his demeanor told her it was more serious than he let on.
To save her life, she couldn’t keep her gaze from roaming over his lean body. He seemed thinner. Even through the long sleeves of his shirt, she could detect the outline of his strong biceps and shoulders so wide she could have measured them with a broom handle. No doubt he was in the superb physical condition of a soldier. A fire warrior.
A hotshot.
“You still running three miles every day and ten on the weekend?” She used to run with him, though not quite as far.
“Nope. Not until the leg heals. Right now, I’m just walking on a treadmill.” He gestured to the cane.
He still wore his jet-black hair shaved on the sides for easy maintenance. High and tight, he called it. But it seemed a bit longer now and shaggy, as if he were letting it grow out. His face looked more mature, the creases in his forehead a bit deeper. It didn’t matter. With high, chiseled cheekbones and a curved chin, he was still the most handsome man she’d ever seen.
With the power to crush her heart, if she let him.
Her leather chair creaked as she sat down and leaned back. “What can I do for you, hotshot?”
She meant the name as a derogatory word, not a compliment. When they’d first married, she’d called him hotshot. It’d been a term of endearment then, before he dumped her and actually became one. His raised brows told her he’d caught her sentiment. In his eyes, she detected a glint of arrogance mingled with sadness.
“I’m not a hotshot anymore. Just a fire control officer,” he said.
As he stretched one long leg out before him, she couldn’t bring herself to smile. Not for all the gold in Fort Knox. All the pain and heartache of the past five years crushed down on her all at once. She brushed a hand across her face, wishing she could hide. Wishing this moment had never come. But it had, and she didn’t want to deal with it.
He leaned his cane against the desk, then arched his back as if to ease an ache there. “I don’t know if you’re aware I was recently promoted to FCO and transferred here to Enlo. We’ll be working together.”
FCO. The new fire control officer working out of the Forest Supervisor’s office.
She kept her face void of expression. “Yes, I heard about that.”
An hour earlier, in fact. From an email sent out to all the rangers serving on the Minden National Forest. She still hadn’t absorbed the ramifications.
One of his eyebrows arched. “I’ve been in town a week and thought we should talk.”
“About what?”
He tilted his head, his gaze holding hers. “Just talk. There’s a lot I need to say, and I want to clear the air between us.”
She snorted. “I doubt the air can be cleared with a little chat.”
He took a deep breath, his face hardening. “I wanted to congratulate you on your recent promotion. I know being a forest ranger was what you always wanted.”
“Yes.” Okay, not too gracious, but the best she could muster at the moment. At one time, she had also wanted him and a family, but that hadn’t turned out too well.
She didn’t like discussing her career with him. Not after all the planning they’d done together during college and the first three years of their marriage. She didn’t know this man anymore. He was a complete stranger.
She took a deep breath and let it go. “I just got an email today from the forest supervisor saying you were named the new fire control officer. I can’t say I’m surprised you’re here in my office, although I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”
He glanced at the nameplate sitting on the corner of her desk. “I don’t think Cal knew we were married when he made the selections for our new jobs. Looks like you’re going by your maiden name.”
Cal Hinkle, the forest supervisor. If he’d known the connection between Matt and Andie, he undoubtedly would never have brought the two of them in to work together on the same forest. But Andie had started going by her maiden name a year after Matt left, and she rarely talked about her missing husband.
Matt paused, his eyes drilling into hers. “We are still married, aren’t we?”
She tensed, wishing she believed in divorce. But she didn’t. She tried to tell herself that was the only reason she’d never filed, but deep inside her broken heart, she’d always wished he’d return. Now she couldn’t help regretting that longing. It’d bring her nothing but more heartache. “As far as I know.”
“Good. I never wanted a divorce.”
Oh, boy! He’d just opened the corral gate with that remark. “You have a funny way of showing it, Matt.”
He took a deep breath. “I know I messed things up between us, but I never wanted to lose you, Andie. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but loving you wasn’t one of them.”
No, no, no! Why did he have to say something like that? It felt like a knife to her heart. Mainly because she didn’t believe him. And she wanted to. She really did. But it was too late. “Then why’d you leave?”
“You know why. At the time, nothing was more important than becoming a hotshot crew boss. When I got the job on the Red Mesa IHC, I couldn’t turn it down. After we had that horrible fight, and you told me to leave, I figured taking the job was the best thing.”
Yeah, which put her in her place. His words meant nothing to her now. When he’d left, his actions had spoken loud and clear. He’d chosen his career over their marriage. Over her.
One of her biggest regrets in life had been when he’d stood on their doorstep with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Instead of slamming the door in his face, she should have begged him to stay, or gone with him.
But she hadn’t.
She rested an elbow against the armrest of her chair, trying not to show her hurt. Trying to still the trembling of her chin. “You could have discussed it more with me before leaving. Imagine my surprise when I arrived home that night and found a note from my husband telling me he’d taken a job out of state and would talk to me later. That was over five years ago.”
Her voice rose to a shrill pitch. No matter how hard she tried to control her emotions, all the anger broiled around within her, the wound still raw. As if it had just happened yesterday. She didn’t know if she’d ever recover from such a harsh slap to her face. If he’d left her for another woman, she might have understood. She could have moved on. But his career had become his mistress, and his life didn’t include room for his wife.
“I wish I could go back in time and change things,” he said.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I think we both said things that day that we shouldn’t have, but it doesn’t change things now.”
“I’m sorry, Andie. For everything. I really am.”
Her breath escaped her in a whoosh. Finally the apology she’d longed to hear for years. But it was too late. It’d been too long. He’d chosen his work over their marriage. She couldn’t forget that. Could never trust him again. The love she’d kept buried deep within had been trampled to pieces, and she refused to be his doormat ever again.
She had to think about Davie now.
The burn of tears caused her to look away, and she shrugged. “We married too young. You weren’t ready for the commitment. Now it doesn’t matter. You have your job to do and I have mine. We’ll keep our relationship completely professional. Nothing more.”
She didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t. He’d killed her feelings for him, but she didn’t know how she was ever going to work with him every day and pull it off.
He frowned, his eyes filled with an emotion she couldn’t discern. Disappointment maybe? Surely not. He’d left her, after all. He’d gotten what he wanted.
One question pounded her brain. Why had he left the job he loved? Why had he taken this job as an FCO? Sitting in an office every day. Providing fire support to the various district rangers serving on the Minden National Forest instead of working out on the front lines where the action was. It didn’t sound like him. At the age of thirty-two, he was still young and strong enough to run with the best hotshots the nation had to offer. Did it have something to do with his limp?
Hmm. She sensed something wrong here. Something she didn’t understand. Maybe she should make a call to find out.
No! She didn’t care. His life was his business now. She wasn’t part of it anymore.
He leaned forward, his eyes filled with some emotion she didn’t understand. “I was hoping maybe you and I could have dinner tonight. I’d like to talk about our—”
The door burst open without warning. “Mommy! Look what Auntie Sue got me.”
Davie ran inside wearing a red cape tied over his winter coat and carrying a Rocketman toy figurine. With the accuracy of a stealth bomber, he headed straight for Andie. His rubber boots tracked muddy water across the floor.
“Davie! Remember we talked about knocking before you barge through a closed door?” Even Andie’s stern voice didn’t stop the boy. He raced around her desk and flung his arms around her. She couldn’t resist hugging him back.
Great timing. This situation just kept getting worse. The last person Andie wanted in her office right now was her five-year-old son.
“Davie, I said wait.” Susan panted as she chased after her nephew, carrying her seven-month-old baby in her arms. She came up short when she saw Matt sitting in the office, and her mouth sagged open in shock.
“Sorry! I forgot the rule,” Davie said. He held the toy before Andie’s eyes, begging for her attention.
Under normal circumstances, Andie would have smiled at his endearing face. She glanced at Matt, whose razor-sharp gaze narrowed as he stared at the boy. She could almost see his mental calculations clicking away. Davie had called her mommy. Matt must be wondering what was going on.
Andie almost groaned. “Susan, you remember Matt.”
Sue recovered fast and glowered at Matt, shifting the baby on her hip. “I vaguely remember you married a no-good scoundrel by that name. He abandoned you after three years of marriage and we never heard from him again. The resemblance is amazing.”
Andie scowled at her sister and inclined her head toward Davie. Even if Matt had been gone for years, she didn’t want her son hurt by disparaging remarks.
A composed smile creased Matt’s cheeks. He looked completely calm and even-tempered. Not at all what Andie expected. “Hello, Sue. I see you’re just as charming as ever.”
“And you’ve been absent for a very long time. What are you doing here?” Sue peered at him over the baby’s head, her eyes filled with disapproval.
He nodded at the baby who chewed a chubby fist and gurgled. “You’re married with a baby of your own now?”
“Yeah, we all kept living after you left, Matt. Life went on without you. Imagine that.” Her hazel eyes flashed with anger.
“Sue, watch it,” Andie warned with another nod toward Davie.
“Mommy, look at my toy.” Davie waved the action figure in front of her face, seemingly oblivious to the adult conversation around him.
Matt’s gaze swung back to Davie, and his eyes narrowed.
“Wow! That’s great, sweetheart. But I thought you were going to the park after Aunt Sue picked you up from kindergarten.” She emphasized the word park and tossed an irritated scowl at her sister, wishing more than anything that Sue hadn’t brought Davie here.
Sue tilted her head, her hostile glare chewing Matt to pieces. “That’s what we planned, but Davie insisted I bring him here to show you his new toy first.”
“Hi! I’m Davie. Look what I got.”
When had Davie moved over to stand beside Matt? The boy thrust his hand forward, the Rocketman figurine clasped in his small fist. Andie fought the urge to run over, scoop up her son and take him home.
Fear almost overwhelmed her. Fear that Matt would try to take Davie from her. Or that he’d push the little boy away, just like he’d pushed her away. No way would Andie allow Matt to hurt her son.
Matt lowered his head, gazing into the boy’s eyes like he was looking at a ten-million-dollar bill. Miraculous.
“That’s pretty cool.” Matt took the toy into his hand, but his gaze continued to rest on Davie. An undeniable smaller replica of Matt. “I had a GI Joe when I was your age, but I don’t think they make them anymore.”
Andie bit her bottom lip as Matt reached out and rested his hand on Davie’s shoulder. The boy’s impish nose screwed up with a frown. “What’s a GI Joe?”
“It used to be the best toy a kid could have. A GI Joe was a soldier and could save everyone. I think your mom still has one.”
Andie’s mind raced. Boxes of Matt’s stuff stood stacked along one wall of her garage from her recent move. No doubt the toy could be found inside one of them.
“Mom doesn’t have a GI Joe. I’d know about it if she did.” Davie spoke with confidence, as if he knew everything about his mom and her life. A typical kid who believed life for everyone began the day they were born.
“I gave it to her years ago, before you were born. She may have gotten rid of it.”
No chance. Against her better judgment, Andie had kept every single thing Matt had left behind when he took off for Oregon. In spite of Sue’s disapproval, she’d lugged his stuff with her when she’d transferred to Enlo eight weeks earlier. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was time to get rid of it, but somehow she felt as if throwing his things out would also throw away the good memories they’d once shared. And her memories were all she had left. That and Davie.