Under The Mistletoe

Still spooked, I’d then played dirty and questioned her love of a certain supernatural zombie series. She’d shaken her head. Didn’t I know those shows were fictional?

Squinting at the shafts of morning winter sunshine, I dumped my shopping on the kitchen floor and made an extra strong coffee. Last night I’d hadn’t slept a wink, due to all my senses being on red alert, homing in on every suspicious creak or thud. Yet when Jess popped into my room before work – with my first caffeine shot of the day and with the daily to-do list Luke had mentioned (Jess had edited it of course, and written on several other things she thought were important) – we had a good laugh. Maybe she was right. The face I saw could have been the moon’s reflection. As if a cut-throat estate agent would believe in, let alone jot down notes about, ghosts.

Not that Jess was happy when I finally told her about Deborah running after us, trying to stop our car. She worried there might be something wrong with the tyres or exhaust. Not likely. Adam gave my car a thorough check-over, once a month.

Tucking my slightly frizzy hair behind my ears, I gazed out of the kitchen window, onto the sweeping back garden and the cloudless, crisp December sky. A smile inflated my cheeks. I had to update my Facebook status to “Kimmy Jones is…” What’s that expression? Living the life of Riley? No, living the life of Kylie, more like! After the shock of Adam dumping me, my stomach still twisted when thinking of him, but the waves of nauseous hurt were now alleviated by my belief that me helping to sell Mistletoe Mansion could bring me and Adam back together.

It was great to be back in this bubble of luxury after my quick trip to the supermarket. I’d been tempted to drive into Harpenden and explore the upmarket food shops. But I’d found some cash for our expenses, in with the list of instructions, and it wouldn’t stretch too far. So, I’d headed to my usual store and bought the essentials (Pringles and Oreos) before buying baking ingredients and other groceries. I’d also picked up some cheap garlands of tinsel, to drape over the pictures and portraits, otherwise – my broken tree apart – no one could tell Christmas was only two weeks away. Despite the storm, my car started straightaway, after its first ever night in a garage. What fun I’d had with the remote – at the touch of a button: garage door up, garage door down.

I finished my drink, put away the shopping and ticked off the first entry on Jess’s list (“Stock up”). What an awesome kitchen, with its pristine cupboards that opened properly and shiny worktops. And what an array of utensils, some of which looked surprisingly old. Walter must have kept more reminders of his wife than Terry knew about. There were Tupperware boxes, pastry cutters, jelly moulds, pie funnels, whisks and spatulas… Yet the inside of the double oven was spotless. After Lily’s death, Walter must have eaten out every day or nuked ready meals for one, in the microwave.

The doorbell rang. I put away the last bottle of milk and yawned as I headed for the front door. Truth be told, I wouldn’t have slept last night anyway. Apart from the shower dripping every sixth second (I counted), the bed was well big without Adam. I’d stretched star-shaped, burped out loud, done all those things I’d fantasised about doing if I ever slept alone. But it wasn’t much fun and I felt even worse when Groucho reminded me of an amorous Adam, by waking me up with a nudge in the back (except the pointy body part Groucho used was his paw).

The doorbell rang again and I looked at my watch – it was almost time for a sandwich. Suddenly I stopped dead. My heart raced. What if that was Melissa, inviting me around for a sushi lunch? Or maybe she just drank that maple and cayenne pepper diet formula all the celebrities swore by. She was so slim, I bet she never ate a bacon butty or double cheeseburger with extra large fries.

I dashed into the hallway and wished there was a mirror to check my appearance. Feeling judgy, I glanced down at my legs, squished into discount skinny jeans. At least I was wearing my new black top with a silver sequinned stiletto on the front. I sucked in my stomach. What would I say? Pretend not to know her? Or gush about her talented husband?

‘Just coming!’ I politely called, at the last minute remembering my – what did the French call it? – pièce de résistance. I couldn’t resist buying it, whilst out at the shops. I legged it back into the kitchen and grabbed a cute pink canine sweater with glitter trim off the worktop. I tore off the tag and knelt down by Groucho’s bed. ‘Good boy,’ I said and made him stand up. Well, they didn’t have it in blue, and weren’t dogs supposed to be colour blind? Wrestling his front paws, I managed to pull it on snugly and adjust the shape. ‘Aren’t you handsome?’ I cooed. Melissa probably had a Toy Poodle or Chihuahua. ‘Naughty, don’t pull back your top lip. Pink is soooo your colour.’ Feeling like Paris Hilton or Britney, I carried him (squeezed as if my arm were a vice, to be honest). Talk about ungrateful – he did his best to tug off the new outfit.

I opened the door to a wall of icy air and felt the smile drop from my face. ‘You again?’ Oops. That sounded a bit rude. Terry thought Luke was okay, so perhaps I should try to see his better side. It wasn’t his fault that he’d made me realise not all men were as thoughtful and considerate as Adam.

‘Ten out of ten.’ Luke eyed Groucho’s sweater. ‘You going to invite me in? After all, I did ring the bell this time.’

‘Can I ask what for?’ It’s not as if this Luke owned the place; he couldn’t just call by for no good reason.

‘The chandelier bulbs blew during that storm, yeah? Of course, if you’d rather fix them yourself…’

‘Erm, okay,’ I muttered. He was wearing those light cords again with a blue shirt, under his unzipped anorak. The skin on his chest (what little of it I could see) was tanned and his profile straight and solid. Yet he didn’t seem the gym bunny type, like Adam, whose muscular shape was well-defined. Luke bobbed out of view for a moment, and then came in carrying a step ladder and toolbox.

‘What’s with the jumper?’ He nodded at Groucho.

Groucho barked and I released him to the ground. He rolled on his back, paws scrabbling at his stomach.

‘Think he’s trying to tell you something.’ Without asking, Luke bent down and pulled the jumper off.

‘Why did you do that?’ Honestly, forget my good intentions. He could have at least asked first.

‘He’ll overheat indoors, let alone be the laughing stock.’ He ruffled Groucho’s head. ‘That better, mate?’

Annoyingly, the little dog ruffed.

‘He has been taken out this morning, hasn’t he?’

‘There’s no need to check up on us,’ I said stiffly. ‘We found the list of instructions. It’s not rocket science.’

‘How about a cup of tea then, Jess?’ He leant forward towards me. Once more I smelt his musky aftershave that made the word “sex” pop into my head.

‘It’s Kimmy,’ I muttered.

‘Huh?’

Arghhh! This man really was soooo annoying!

‘I might put the kettle on,’ I sniffed, ‘if you have a look at the shower in my room. It’s dripping. Or leave me a large pair of pliers and I’ll unscrew it later. I reckon the washer’s damaged.’

He stared at me for a second. ‘No. It’s okay. I’ll take a look. Where are you sleeping?’

‘At the back of the house, on the left.’

‘Lily’s room.’ His face softened. ‘She suffered from insomnia; preferred her own space so she could do her embroidery in the night, without waking up Walter.’

Luke must have known the Carmichaels well. He made them sound more like relatives than former employers.

‘Milk, no sugar, thanks Jess,’ he beamed.

I glared, turned three sixty degrees and made my way back into the kitchen. Scraping my hair back into a ponytail, I ignored his irritating whistling. I seized some flour, sugar butter, eggs, rummaged around for a sieve and mixing bowl, then grabbed the fab silicone cupcake pan Jess had bought me for my last birthday. There was nothing better for stress than beating cake batter – apart from eating it of course, once it had been baked, iced and sprinkled. Mmm.

Three quarters of an hour later, six naked cupcakes stood on a wire rack, almost cool and waiting to be dressed. I’d mixed the batter with a generous dollop of mincemeat and was just finishing off the brandy buttercream icing, which I piped on top. Then I delicately added a green marzipan holly leaf and red berry to each one. Just as well I’d subbed our expenses money to pay for my baking ingredients. I grinned to myself. This was the kitchen I’d always dreamed of. Film crews could tape my latest series here: Kimmy’s Sixty Minute Meals (I wasn’t as quick as Jamie Oliver).

‘All done,’ said a voice behind me.

I turned around and to my annoyance my cheeks burned. He’d taken off his anorak, unbuttoned his shirt a little and had rolled up the sleeves. Determined to find a distraction from his appealingly toned skin, I focused on a scab above his eyebrow.

‘Um, your cup of tea, I forgot…’

‘Let me.’ He brushed past me to wash his hands before filling the kettle. He reached for the packet of tea bags and my eyes ran over his lean back. He was lankier than Adam; looked as if he kept himself in shape without really trying.

‘How’s your head?’ I said, when the drinks were ready. We sat down at the breakfast table and he helped himself to a cupcake. Deep breaths. Must be nice, because apart from anything else I wanted to quiz him and find out why some of the bedrooms – particularly the one where I’d seen the moon-face – were locked.

‘I’ll live.’ Luke shrugged. ‘You not having one?’

‘It’s lunch time.’

‘But you might have poisoned it; perhaps you still think I’m the Harpenden Ripper.’ He took a knife out of a nearby drawer and cut the cake into four. He offered me a quarter.

‘Thanks.’ Why did I say that? After all, I was the host and he was the guest. Although nothing made me happier than watching someone stuff their face with my cake. It made me feel like I’d won the lottery or magically fitted into a size ten.

‘Not bad.’ Crumbs fell from his mouth and I felt an inexplicable urge to run my finger along his top lip, which was covered with the brandy buttercream icing. Not that there was any need as, seconds later, he slowly licked it off with his tongue. I touched my throat. No surprise that he didn’t use a napkin like Adam. Good, reliable, straightforward Adam, who knew my name was Kimmy and didn’t break into houses to cavort around with headless dummies.

‘Lily made amazing cakes,’ he said. ‘A rich fruity one with brandy was one of her specialities.’

I took a bite and then another. Mmm, great, the sponge was lovely and light, despite the mincemeat. The sugar soon worked its magic and made me think that maybe Luke wasn’t so bad after all. Another bite. I mean, here we were, drinking together, making chit-chat…

‘Yes – I’ve heard about her secret recipe book that some of her so-called friends have been trying to get their hands on,’ I said.

Luke picked up another quarter, leaving me the slice with the marzipan holly.

‘So, Miss Cake-baker, what’s the story? Why are you really here?’

I almost choked. ‘Pardon?’

He lolled against the back of the stool. ‘We both know you two girls aren’t housesitters.’

‘And what makes you say that?’ I said airily, and tried to keep my cool.

‘For a start, you’ve picked holly out of the garden and, along with that gaudy tinsel, decorated the house. Then I spotted a framed photo of you and some bloke out on show, in your bedroom. The first day here you’re baking and worried about a slightly dripping shower as if you hope to stay here for a long time. Then there’s that god awful dog sweater.’ He took a swig of tea. ‘You’ve even bought potpourri for the lounge. All of these things say to me that you see Mistletoe Mansion as some kind of home, rather than a job. Housesitters don’t become attached like that. They bring the minimum amount of stuff and leave half of it packed.’

‘I’m… a bit of a homebird,’ I waffled. ‘What’s wrong with trying to make a place cosy, especially at this time of year? Anyway, what is this? Oprah?’ His eyes flashed as he grinned and for some reason part of me enjoyed the banter.

He smirked. ‘Bet the reason you’re here involves a man. That guy in the photo?’

‘I’m a professional woman.’ I cleared my throat. ‘This job is not some knee-jerk reaction to Adam and me… It’s just another contract.’

‘Whatever you say.’

‘And anyway… This place, I can’t explain it… it’s got a good feeling,’ I said and shrugged. ‘It doesn’t feel empty. It feels like a home.’

He stared at me for a moment and ran a hand through his hair. Fighting thoughts of how I’d like to do that – just because, um, it would be pleasant sensation, of course – I stared fixedly into his eyes.

‘Best cupcake I’ve ever tasted, by the way,’ he said.

My chest glowed. ‘Thanks. Have another one.’ I still needed to ask him about the locked rooms.

‘Better not. Things to do. The summerhouse door needs mending – I’ve been putting it off for days, what with recent rain. It won’t take long and then I’ll be out of your way.’

Summerhouse? How cool was that! I grabbed my gold parka and followed him and Groucho into the back garden and hung back for a second as winter sun rays tickled my face. As well as Luke whistling, birds chirped and far away, young children giggled and shrieked. A distant aeroplane streaked the blue sky. I strolled past a large shed and impressive patch of wildflowers swaying gently. Further on, bushes bulged with white berries… This place was pretty enough now – in the summer it must look awesome. This was one huge garden. Surely if Adam were here, right at this moment, he would understand why I aspired to a life so much bigger and better than the one I had?

Luke’s whistling stopped as, towards the bottom of the garden, he examined the door of what looked like the poshest Wendy house, just in front of the poplar and apple trees. It was shaded by a weeping willow which was almost as big as the one in the front. I caught him up and peeked through the windows at a wicker table and two matching chairs with embroidered pillows. Talk about a private beach hut. I could just imagine myself lounging on the decking at the front, in designer glasses and eating a skinny ice cream… I could see the tabloids’ paparazzi photos of me sitting in the shade, reading some movie script, wearing shades and one of those Greta Garbo turbans, with Luke, topless, fanning me with a palm leaf…

‘Aren’t you supposed to be cleaning the house? This isn’t a holiday park,’ muttered Luke, back to his former unfriendly self.

Daydreaming ruined and my sugar rush having worn off, I stared at him – why run hot and cold? Airily, I walked on a little, to admire a regimental-looking vegetable garden. A little overgrown, but… wow! Those looked like leek tops and various other lines of green leaves… Vegetarian Jess wouldn’t believe her luck.

With a glare at Luke, I made my way back inside. What was it with him? I was making an effort, even though we’d got off to a bad start. With a sigh, I walked through the kitchen, on my way picking up some nibbles I’d bought for the Games Room which I took in and stashed behind the bar. Dust covered all the bar’s glasses and with the sun shining on the panes, I could see that the inside of the windows needed a good scrub down.

However, riled by Luke saying I needed to start cleaning, I delayed and picked up the darts. One by one I threw them at the dartboard. Triple twenty! I hadn’t lost my touch. One of Mum’s boyfriends had been a pub team champion. I took three more shots.

Several goes later, I yawned, left the Games Room and went to check my shower, unable to face another sleepless night. As I went upstairs, I cocked my ear to listen for dripping water but instead heard a strange noise, like… a blowing gale. There it went again. I ran up to check in Jess’s room. Perhaps it was some of that New Age stuff she listened to, like the tide breaking or the mating call of whales. But there was no CD player; her iPod was missing. The office was very quiet too.

The spooky image from the night before jumped into my mind and within seconds my hands felt clammy. But ghosts didn’t haunt houses this modern, I told myself, sternly. You only had to watch Most Haunted to know they hung out in historical buildings and graveyards. I went into the ensuite in my room. The dripping had stopped. At least that Luke had done something right.

I came back out into the bedroom and picked up the photo of me and Adam. Sunday morning – normally we’d still be in bed, him reading the paper after I’d pinched the supplement to read the celebrity stories. Then we’d head over to his parents for a traditional roast. I’d take dessert. My chest tightened. Life with him was comfortable. I enjoyed chilling with him – enjoyed curling up cosily at night, with someone who accepted me for who I was.

I shook my head. Thing was, since yesterday, I’d been questioning whether that was really true. Adam asking me to leave confirmed what I’d refused to consider for a while now – he didn’t truly “get” the real me, who had ambitions and aspired to running a successful baking empire. Yet this realisation didn’t stop me missing my “Ex” – there, I managed to say that word without choking or going through a box of tissues. Perhaps I should phone him. Plenty of couples stayed together happily, despite not fully understanding each other… right? I reached into my trouser pocket for my mobile…

Urgh. No. I pulled back my hand. Stay strong. Best to wait a couple of days, by which time he’d work out that the toilet didn’t clean itself. I glanced up. Funny, I hadn’t heard the bedroom door close – a draught must have pushed it shut. I gripped the gold door handle. Hmm. It wouldn’t budge. I grasped tighter and pulled it hard. Still no luck.

Heart thumping, I again recalled the spooky face from last night and hurried over to the window. Down on the lawn, Groucho swaggered up to a blackbird. It looked like Luke had gone. Maybe if I shouted through the open top window, that friendly man Terry or Melissa would hear and raise the alarm. But their houses were so far away, not like the mid-terrace I’d grown up in where the neighbours could probably hear my disgusting teenage brother break wind.

What would they have done on Most Haunted? ‘I mean you no harm,’ I eventually said, voice trembling. ‘Show me a sign that someone is here.’

At that exact moment, a sweet-smelling cloud of smoke edged its way under the door. What now, a fire? Had I left the oven on? Yes, that must be it. My chest relaxed for a second. All these shenanigans had to be due to something logical like that – except that… that… the smoke smelt kind of sweet and the whooshing wind noise increased in pitch. Oh shit! I swallowed hard.

‘Show me your presence,’ I stuttered, mouth dry, like I’d scoffed a whole packet of wafer crackers.

Brave Kimmy Flees Fire – I could see the headline in OK Magazine. And a photo of me and Adam, arms around each other, him declaring his love since I’d almost died.

I sat on the bed and picked up the list of instructions I’d been reading that morning. There was no other option; Luke was nearest. I’d have to find his number and ring for his help. The police was a no-no. If Mr Murphy got to hear of any damage, from me having potentially caused a fire, he’d probably blame me and I’d be out; I’d lose my chance to impress Adam. I had to keep any funny goings-on in this house well under wraps. Ghost or no ghost, Mr Murphy had to think my stay was running smoothly.

My finger ran down the page, to Luke’s number. I slid my phone out of my trouser pocket and dialled.

‘Luke? It’s me, Kimmy… The housesitter. I’m trapped, in the bedroom. Talk about odd noises… and I think something’s on fire.’ I lowered my voice. ‘Someone’s in the house, I’m sure of it. Can you come back? I wouldn’t ask if there was anyone else.’

Apparently Luke was in his car and about to drive off. Finally, with a sigh, he said to shut myself in the ensuite, just in case the smoke was dangerous. Not that I needed his advice. I laid a damp towel across the bottom of the bedroom door. It reminded me of the time Mum lit the barbecue with petrol and the flames instantly spread to the lawn. Hands flapping, she’d run around the garden, whilst I got the hose and put it out.

After a few minutes, a voice shouted, ‘Kimmy? You in the bathroom?’

Legs feeling wobbly, I pushed open the ensuite door and there Luke stood, by Lily’s bed, chestnut hair all tousled. Slowly I left the bathroom.

I looked around. ‘Was it, um, the oven? Have you put out the fire?’

‘This your idea of a joke?’ His lips pursed. ‘It’s not my job to play your silly games. My Murphy pays me to do handy work. That’s all. I’ve got another job to get to.’

‘Games?’

‘Smoke, an intruder, sounds of a blowing gale…? What next? Voices coming out of the telly?Crockery moving on its own?’ He shook his head. ‘And as for your door being locked…’

‘I could have been burnt to death!’

He laughed. ‘I know it’s a boring job, minding the house, but really – if you need company, go visit Terry next door, he’s a sound bloke. I’m flattered, don’t get me wrong, but…’

‘You think I fancy you?’ My top lip curled. Who the hell did he think he was?

He folded his arms. ‘Why else would you pretend the shower was broken? Ply me with cupcakes? Ask me to come back and put out some imaginary fire?’

‘That dripping kept me awake all last night!’

‘All the showerhead needed was a good clean. Any idiot could see that.’

‘Well, for your information, I’m not romantically available,’ I said, through gritted teeth. ‘That photo you spotted is of–’

‘Adam?’ he smirked.

‘Yes. My boyfriend… well my Ex… But we’re getting back together and I’m not looking for a replacement and even if I was, you would hardly be–’ I stopped. Did someone just scream?

This whole cul-de-sac was bloody bonkers, what with shagging on Bugattis and smoke under doors; what with dogs that didn’t understand pooch jumpers were the in-thing and big-headed handymen who thought a leaky shower was an excuse for seduction. Luke eyed me for a second, as if he might say something else, but instead charged downstairs. I followed. There was another bloodcurdling scream and we legged it onto the drive.

Chapter 8

‘This is a matter of life and death!’ screeched a female voice. ‘You can’t do this!’

OMG! My recent scary experience forgotten, I instantly recognised the back of that beautifully coiffured head. Melissa Winsford stood on the pavement at the bottom of Walter’s drive, shouting into a phone, wearing the shortest, tightest blue dress, which showed off every inch of her size six legs, plus a tailored black leather jacket and what looked like a real crocodile skin handbag. The sunglasses (totes unnecessary) had a Chanel C on the side. I could tell that, under the flesh-coloured tights, her caramel tan was perfect, with no streaks or blotches of orange – unlike my legs, which had the odd razor cut and patch of stubble. On the pavement just behind her, I stood panting, next to Luke. We’d practically sprinted the length of the drive.

‘Don’t think you’ll get away with this!’ she yelled. ‘I’ll spread the word – make sure you never work south of Watford again!’

She stuffed the phone into her bag and something like a sob escaped her lips. Maybe her doctor had misdiagnosed some fatal illness. Or her accountant had fiddled the books.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked and subtly tried to brush flour off my jeans. Pity I hadn’t had time this morning to re-straighten my hair.

She jumped and turned around. ‘How long have you two been there? Do tell your editor that there’s nothing to report and if you’ve taken any photos, darling,’ she said to me in a more velvety voice, ‘delete them and I’ll provide you with some shots that’ll really sell.’ She unzipped her leather jacket and subtly pushed out her double D cups. What a pro!