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Susan didn’t know how long she cried, whether it was minutes or hours. No one invaded her privacy, not even when she cried aloud as sobs racked her body.
She knew that Tallie and Sheila and Donna were taking turns guarding her bedroom door against all intruders. She was a lucky woman to have such good friends. She and Tallie and Sheila had been best buddies since childhood and then Donna had joined their inner circle several years ago.
Susan lifted her head from her hands when she heard a soft rapping on the door. “Yes?”
“It’s us,” Sheila said. “Tallie and Donna and me. May we come in?”
“Of course.” Susan wiped the moisture from her face and scooted to the edge of the bed.
Her three best friends entered the room and quickly made a semicircle around her. She offered them a tremulous smile.
“Just about everybody’s gone,” Tallie said.
“Hank and Caleb and Peyton are still here, of course,” Sheila said.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you tonight?” Tallie asked.
“No, really. I’ll be all right.” She glanced back at the big bed on which she sat. “I won’t sleep in here. I slept upstairs last night, in Aunt Alice’s old room. Being in her room comforted me. It made me feel close to her.”
“I’d like to stay.” Donna sat down beside Susan. “I can run home and pack a few things and stay with you for as long as you need me. Believe me, I know how difficult these next few months are going to be for you.”
Susan grabbed Donna’s hand and squeezed tightly. “I know you understand better than anyone. But—”
“I insist. Unlike Sheila and Tallie, I don’t have a husband and children at home.”
“Thank you.” Susan nodded. “It would be nice to have someone here for a few days. Just until—” Susan choked on the tears in her throat. “Just until I—” The dam burst again, releasing a torrent of tears.
Donna took Susan in her arms, stroking and comforting, while Sheila and Tallie hovered nearby. The three women tried valiantly not to cry, but within minutes they, too, were weeping.
“I’ll stay until you get back,” Hank told Donna Fields.
“Thanks. I really don’t think she should be alone.” Donna patted Hank on the shoulder. “She’s going to need all of her friends and Lowell’s friends to see her through this.”
Hank opened the door to Donna’s Corvette and waited until she backed out of the driveway before he returned inside the house. Before they left, his sister and sister-in-law had cleared away the tables, packed the food in the refrigerator and freezer, loaded the dishwasher and vacuumed the floors.
A hushed stillness enveloped the house, a big ginger-bread-trimmed Victorian that had been built outside of town more than ninety years ago by Susan’s great-grandparents. Their youngest daughter, Alice Williams, had inherited the place, and Miss Alice, as everyone in Crooked Oak had called her, had become the local eccentric. The old-maid schoolteacher with a hundred cats.
But actually, there had been only five cats, and Miss Alice, though a unique personality, hadn’t been wealthy enough to qualify for eccentric status. He had liked and admired Miss Alice, and because he’d been an excellent student, she had taken a special interest in him. She had been the first teacher who’d made him realize that he was intelligent and that by using that intelligence, he could escape the poverty of his life in Crooked Oak, Tennessee.
“Would you care for some coffee?” Susan asked.
Hank turned abruptly to face her. He hadn’t realized she was standing there, in the hallway. He’d thought she was still barricaded in her bedroom.
“No, thanks,” he replied.
“What about some tea? I’m going to fix myself some herbal tea.”
“I don’t like hot tea.”
“Oh. All right then.”
Damn! He suddenly realized that Susan felt as awkward as he did. The two of them alone here in her house. The house she had shared with Lowell for two years.
But they had to face facts. Lowell was dead. God, how that admission hurt him. He could not imagine a world without Lowell Redman. But no matter how much they wanted things to be different—and they both did—neither of them could undo what had happened. Not what had happened two days ago when Lowell had been ambushed by Carl Bates. And not what had happened in a doctor’s office four weeks ago when Susan had been artificially inseminated.
“We need to talk,” he said as he followed her into the kitchen.
“Yes, I suppose we do.” She filled the teakettle with water and placed it on the stove.
“I’ve been asked to take over Lowell’s job until next year’s election.”
Biting her bottom lip, Susan removed a china teacup and saucer from the cupboard, then opened a canister and retrieved a tea bag. “Are you going to accept the offer?” Her hand quivered ever so slightly as she placed the tea bag in the cup.
“Yes.” Why wouldn’t she turn around and face him? Would it be that big a problem for her to have him back in Crooked Oak for the next year? “I think I owe it to Lowell to bring in Carl Bates and see that he goes to trial. And I think Lowell would want me around to look after you while you’re pregnant.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. The teakettle whistled. As she lifted the china cup and saucer from the table, her shoulders shook and her hand trembled. The cup and saucer crashed onto the hardwood floor.
“Susan?” Hank rushed over to her, stopping her as she knelt to pick up the pieces of broken china. “Leave it. I’ll clean it up.”
She hummed with sorrow, crying in a low, mournful chant. God in heaven, what was he supposed to do? He wanted to touch her, but did he dare? He had to take her in his arms. He had to! She was falling apart right in front of him.
The moment he touched her, surrounding her slender body with his, taking her into his arms, Susan melted against him. Every nerve in his body screamed.
“It’s all right, Susie Q,” he told her, using the nickname he’d given her when she’d been a kid. “You go ahead and get it all out. I’ll be here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”
She clung to him. Sobbing. Trembling. Moaning. He held her as gently as he could, all his protective instincts on high and putting him on edge.
She lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. “I’ll be all right.” She stepped out of his embrace and took a wobbly step backward. When he reached out to steady her, she moved uneasily away.
“I realize that you want to do what you can to bring Lowell’s killer to justice...” She paused, took a deep breath and then continued. “If you move back to Crooked Oak—”
“When I move back to Crooked Oak,” he corrected her.
“Yes. When you move back, I’m sure we’ll see each other from time to time during the next year. That can’t be avoided. People will expect us to...to...”
“To be friendly toward each other.”
“Yes. And I want that. I want us to be friends. Lowell would have wanted us to be... If I need you, I’ll call you. But I have friends who’ll be here for me and, most importantly, I have my baby. Having my child to think about will see me through the rough times.”
“My child.” Hank had said the words without thinking, his voice a strained whisper.
“No!” she protested. “This baby is Lowell’s child.”
“I realize you think of the child as Lowell’s, but we both know that I fathered your baby.” Hank laid his hand over her flat belly.
She froze on the spot. “The agreement was for you to donate your sperm because Lowell didn’t want a stranger to father our child.” Susan snatched Hank’s hand off her stomach. “Lowell trusted you to keep our secret, to let this baby be his completely.”
“And if Lowell had lived, I would have adhered to the terms of that agreement. But Lowell is dead. He can’t be a father to your baby.”
“Yes, he...Lowell is...” Tears streamed down her face.
Hank grasped her shoulders. “The child you’re carrying is mine. And whether you like it or not, now that Lowell is dead, it’s my responsibility to take care of you!”
Two
Lowell had been dead ten days. Ten of the worst days of her life. All their plans for the future had died with him—the happy family life that they had envisioned when their baby was born. But Lowell would never see their child—the child he had so desperately wanted. A child that he had known she wanted more than anything on earth.
When the doctors told them that it was unlikely, if not impossible, that Lowell would ever impregnate her, he had been the one to embrace the idea of artificial insemination. She had been reluctant at the thought of a stranger fathering her child, but she’d become even more reluctant when Lowell had suggested asking Hank Bishop to donate his sperm.
“Hank’s said more than once that he’s not the marrying kind,” Lowell had told her. “He doesn’t want a wife and kids.”
“What makes you think Hank would agree to—to donate his sperm so that we can have a baby?”
“Because Hank thinks he owes me for saving his life when we were kids. Besides, he’s the only man I know I’d want to be the biological father of our child. Hank’s smart, a real man’s man and the best friend I’ve ever had.”
At first she had refused to even consider Hank as the donor, but eventually Lowell had worn down her resistance. Lowell and your own foolish girlhood dreams! an inner voice taunted.
“Need any help in here, Mrs. Redman?” Deputy Nancy Steele asked as she poked her head inside the door.
“No, thanks, Nancy. I’ve got just about everything packed away.”
“Well, when you’re ready to put the boxes in your van, let me know and some of us will take them out for you.”
“All right. Thank you.”
“Sure thing.”
“Oh, Nancy?”
“Yes?”
“I’d like to leave a message for Hank Bishop.”
“Certainly. We’re expecting him sometime this afternoon,” Nancy replied. “Do you want to leave a written message or a—”
“Verbal. Please tell Hank that I wish him well and that I appreciate—” Susan’s voice cracked. She appreciated what? That he was going to be in Crooked Oak for the next year? That he had promised her quite vehemently that he was going to be around to look after her and the baby? His baby! He’d let her know in no uncertain terms that, with Lowell dead, he intended to take over Lowell’s responsibilities for her and the child.
“I understand, Mrs. Redman.” Nancy looked at Susan with pity in her eyes. “But I’m sure Mr. Bishop...er, Sheriff Bishop will be stopping by your house to check on you.”
Dear God, that’s what I’m afraid of, Susan thought. No one knows that this child I’m carrying isn’t Lowell’s biological child—no one except the doctors in Nashville, Hank Bishop and Sheila. Would the townspeople believe Hank’s attention to her was nothing more than a good friend looking out for his buddy’s widow?
“Yes, I’m sure you’re right. After all, Hank was Lowell’s oldest and dearest friend. It would be only natural that he’d keep an eye on me, especially...”
“We’re all so sorry about Lowell. He was the best man I ever knew. But you have his child and that should be a comfort to you.”
“Yes, it is.” Susan almost choked on the lie. But this isn’t Lowell’s baby, she wanted to scream. Don’t you see, that’s the problem?
“I’ll go so you can finish up in here. Let me know when you’re ready to leave.” Nancy exited the office and closed the door behind her.
Susan sat in Lowell’s big, swivel desk chair and glanced around his office. No, not Lowell’s office any longer. Not after today. Appointed by the governor, Hank Bishop would be sworn in as the new Marshall County sheriff tomorrow morning.
She should have cleared out Lowell’s things days ago, but somehow she hadn’t been able to bring herself to face the task. To clean out his desk, to remove his certificates and pictures from the walls, to remove his books and magazines from the small bookshelf in the corner.
She lifted the silver frame that lay atop one of the open boxes on the desk. A smiling couple looked back at her from the photograph. Her wedding picture. Lowell and she had been very happy that day, the first day of their married life together. Lowell had loved her deeply and had been completely devoted to her. He’d been the kindest, most considerate lover, and her wedding night had been a prelude to many nights of gentle lovemaking.
Susan caressed Lowell’s image with her fingertips. “Oh, you sweet, sweet man. What am I going to do without you? You were my protector. My shield against the world. You kept me safe and secure. As long as I had you, I didn’t have to be afraid of...”
She couldn’t say it out loud. Couldn’t voice her greatest fear. But the secret she’d kept buried in her heart for so long could no longer be ignored. Lowell couldn’t save her from herself anymore. He couldn’t save her from the wild, illogical passion she’d always felt for Hank Bishop.
She clutched the picture frame in her hands, laid her forehead on the glass and wept.
A few minutes later Hank Bishop found her weeping when he opened the door to Lowell’s office. He’d gotten an early start this morning and arrived in Crooked Oak before noon. When Deputy Steele told him that Susan was clearing out Lowell’s office, he walked right in, hoping to offer his help.
He stood in the doorway and watched her as she cried. He wanted to go over and take her into his arms. Dammit, why was it that Susan Williams Redman was the only woman on earth who affected him this way? He had always liked the ladies, although he’d never been a ladies’ man like his brothers Caleb and Jake. And the ladies liked him. They had often commented on his gentlemanly treatment of them before, during and after an affair. But only his best friend’s widow brought forth all the possessive, protective, caring instincts within him.
It’s because she’s carrying your child.
Damn! He’d been a fool to agree to Lowell’s request. But he had owed Lowell. And when he’d agreed to donate his sperm for the artificial insemination, he’d never considered the possibility that Lowell wouldn’t be around to be a father to the child.
Lowell would have made any kid a great dad. The best father in the world. Unlike himself, Lowell had been raised in a normal, middle-class family and had inherited his own father’s wonderful parenting instincts. He, on the other hand, would make a lousy father. As lousy as his own had been before he died.
Hank had always known he wasn’t cut out to be a husband and father.
So, how the hell was he going to handle being a father to the child Susan was carrying? Taking responsibility for that child was the last thing he wanted—but take responsibility he would. Hank Bishop didn’t shrug off his obligations—he never had and he never would.
“Is there anything I can do to help you?” he asked, his voice low and calm.
She jerked her head up and glared at him. “Hank!”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“I didn’t think you’d be getting in until this afternoon.” Standing on shaky legs, she smoothed the wrinkles out of her skirt and nervously eyed Hank. “I was trying to get everything cleared out before you got here.”
“There’s no rush about that,” he said, glancing at the three filled boxes on the desk. “Looks like you’re about finished.”
“Yes, I am. I was just about to start putting things in my minivan.”
The moment Susan lifted one of the boxes, Hank rushed forward and took it away from her. Gasping, she stared at him with wide, surprised eyes.
“You shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy, should you?” He glanced meaningfully at her still flat stomach. “I mean, since you’re pregnant.”
Instinctively she laid her hand over her belly. “The boxes aren’t that heavy.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he told her. “I’ll take them out to your van for you.”
“Thanks. I really should be going.” She glanced around the room. “Being here in Lowell’s office makes me sad. Just thinking about the fact that he’ll never—” She choked back a sob.
“Yeah, I know.” Carrying the box under his arm, Hank opened the door and stood back, waiting for Susan to exit. “I promise you that we’ll bring Carl Bates in to see that he stands trial for what he did.”
Susan walked past Hank, accelerating her steps so that she wouldn’t be near him any longer than necessary. He followed her out to her Dodge Caravan, lowered the back hatch and loaded the box inside.
“I’ll get the other two boxes,” he said. “You go ahead and get inside out of the cold.”
She nodded, got in the van and waited. When Hank had the other two boxes of Lowell’s belongings loaded, he knocked on the window. Susan lowered the window and looked directly at him.
“I’ll follow you home and help you store Lowell’s things.”
“That isn’t necessary, I’ll—”
“We need to talk, Susan.” He scanned the sidewalk, noting that several passersby had slowed their gaits and were staring at Susan and him. He nodded and smiled and the onlookers returned his smile. “We need to talk, privately.”
“Yes, I suppose you’re right.”
He slid behind the wheel of his Lexus, backed out of the parking place and followed Susan’s silver-gray Caravan down Main Street and onto the highway leading out of town.
He had thought long and hard about what he wanted to say to Susan—what he had to say to her. He just hoped she would listen to reason and accept the help he intended to offer her. No one in this town ever needed to know that the baby was his, but he had every intention of making sure his son or daughter was well taken care of. After he fulfilled Lowell’s term as sheriff, he planned to return to the Bureau and resume his career. But he could be a godfather to his child, even if he had to do it long distance most of the time. He’d visit Crooked Oak occasionally, and when the child grew older, he or she could stay with him in Alexandria from time to time.
Hank pulled into the driveway directly behind Susan, got out and helped her from the van. “Why don’t you go on inside? I’ll get the boxes.”
“I’m going to store most of the things in the basement,” she said. “I’ve already cleared off a shelf down there.”
Ten minutes later, Hank came up from the basement and found Susan in the kitchen. She had remained upstairs while he stored Lowell’s things. He suspected that she couldn’t bear to see those items banished into storage. The only thing she had removed from the boxes before he’d taken them to the basement was the wedding picture Lowell had kept on his desk.
Hank remembered that day. A beautiful autumn day. A simple church wedding with friends and family. A deliriously happy groom. A lovely, shy bride. And a best man who had thought, more than once, about kidnapping that innocent bride.
“I’ve made coffee. I’m afraid it’s decaf,” Susan said. “You take yours black, don’t you? No sugar.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Thanks.” He pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and sat, waiting while she poured the coffee into a bright red ceramic mug.
She poured herself a cup, added sugar and then sat across from Hank. “Thank you for putting away the boxes for me. I wonder if you would do something else for me while you’re here?”
“Anything. Just ask.”
“Lowell’s clothes.” She sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t think I can bear to—”
“I’ll do it. Just tell me what you want done with them.”
“The homeless shelter in Marshallton can use them.”
She sipped the hot coffee.
“I’ll take them over there myself.”
“I don’t know what to do with his uniforms.” She surveyed Hank’s big body. “They’re too small for you.”
“Do you want me to take them with me, too?”
“Yes. Everything. Please. Even his underwear and socks and... Lowell would have wanted them to go to someone who could use them.”
“Lowell was a kindhearted man.”
“I was very lucky to have him for my husband.” I wanted you, she wanted to tell him, not Lowell. But I was too afraid of you to ever pursue you. I knew instinctively that I wasn’t strong enough for a man like you, that you’d devour me whole. I settled for a safer, tamer man. A man who worshiped the ground I walked on. You never would have loved me the way Lowell did. And I couldn’t wait forever for another Prince Charming.
“He told me more than once how lucky he was that you had married him.” Hank laid his hands flat on the table, palms down. And every time he told me how wonderful you were, I wanted you all the more.
“I loved him,” Susan said, her voice soft and low.
“I’m sure you did. And you must know how much he loved you.”
“I tried to be a good wife to him.”
“You were.”
“He wanted to be a perfect husband,” she said. “It almost killed him when the doctors told us that he could never...that he was sterile.”
“He wanted to give you a child. That’s why he came to me.”
Susan lifted her head and looked Hank directly in the eye. “You aren’t going to tell anyone that my baby isn’t Lowell’s, are you?”
“You don’t want anyone to know the child is mine, do you?”
She shook her head. “No. What would people around here think if they knew? As Lowell’s friend, you and I can have a friendly relationship and you can be my child’s favorite Uncle Hank. But if people knew you were my baby’s father, they’d watch us and judge us and—”
“I’m going to tell Caleb,” he said. “No one else.”
“Promise?”
It took a great deal of strength not to reach across the table and grab her small, delicate hands, but Hank resisted the almost overwhelming urge.
“Susan, why are you so afraid of me? Don’t you know that I’d never hurt you?” Every time she looked at him, he saw the fear in her eyes. Was there something more to her fear than not wanting anyone to know the truth about their child? If so, what was it?
“But you could hurt me,” she said, gazing into her lap, letting her long lashes shade her eyes. “If you don’t keep my secret...our secret. Yours and mine and Lowell’s.”
“I want to tell my brother, but I promise no one else will know.”
Susan gulped in a large swallow of air and nodded her head affirmatively. “All right. Tell Caleb. Sheila has been my one confidante, so...”
“This isn’t what I wanted, either.” Hank shoved the untouched mug of coffee away from him, scooted back his chair and stood. “I never planned on being a father. The last thing I need in my life is a child. The plan was for that baby—” he glanced at her stomach “—to be Lowell’s and yours. Not mine.”
“I haven’t asked you to take responsibility for this child,” she told him, her cheeks flushed with emotion. “I don’t expect you to be a father to—”
Hank slammed his fist into the palm of his hand, creating a loud smack. Susan jumped.
“Dammit, don’t you see? Without Lowell around, that kid isn’t going to have a father unless I step in and do the right thing.”
“And just what is the ‘right thing,’ Hank?” She watched him pace the floor in her kitchen, his big, lean body stalking back and forth like an animal trying to escape a captor’s trap. And that had to be the way he saw her and her baby—a threat to his much-loved freedom.
“I don’t know.”
Yes, you do, some inner voice urged.
The right thing to do would be to marry Susan and for the two of them to raise their child in a family unit. But heaven help him, he wasn’t willing to put his head in that particular noose—no matter how desirable he found Susan or how determined he was to not abandon his child.
“The right thing is for me to do what I can to take care of you while you’re pregnant and then to take financial responsibility for my child.”
“I see.” Susan eased back her chair, stood and faced Hank. “You’ve undoubtedly given this a great deal of thought.”
“Look at it from a logical standpoint. You’re a pregnant widow, without parents or brothers and sisters to help you. As Lowell’s best friend, no one is going to think it odd that I’ve elected myself as your guardian or the child’s godfather.”
“Yes, you’re right, of course. And I know I should be grateful that you’re willing to give up a year of your life, to take a leave of absence from the FBI and—”