The School for Husbands
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AR. (To Valère). But is it Léonor?
SGAN. Hold your tongue!
AR. But…
SGAN. Be quiet!
AR. I want to know…
SGAN. Again! Will you hold your tongue, I say?
VAL. To be brief: whatever be the consequence, Isabella has my solemn promise; I also have hers; if you consider everything, I am not so bad a match that you should blame her.
AR. What he says is not…
SGAN. Be quiet! I have a reason for it. You shall know the mystery. (To Valére). Yes, without any more words, we both consent that you shall be the husband of her who is at present in your house.
MAG. The contract is drawn up in those very terms, and there is a blank for the name, as we have not seen her. Sign. The lady can set you all at ease by-and-by.
VAL. I agree to the arrangement.
SGAN. And so do I, with all my heart. (Aside). We will have a good laugh presently. (Aloud). There, brother, sign; yours the honour to sign first.
AR. But why all this mystery…
SGAN. The deuce! what hesitation. Sign, you simpleton.
AR. He talks of Isabella, and you of Léonor.
SGAN. Are you not agreed, brother, if it be she, to leave them to their mutual promises?
AR. Doubtless.
SGAN. Sign, then; I shall do the same.
AR. So be it. I understand nothing about it.
SGAN. You shall be enlightened.
MAG. We will soon return.
(Exeunt Magistrate and Notary into Valeère's house).
SGAN. (To Ariste). Now, then, I will give you a cue to this intrigue. (They retire to the back of the stage).
SCENE IX. – LÉONOR, SGANARELLE, ARISTE, LISETTE
LEO. Ah, what a strange martyrdom! What bores all those young fools appear to me! I have stolen away from the ball, on account of them.
LIS. Each of them tried to make himself agreeable to you.
LEO. And I never endured anything more intolerable. I should prefer the simplest conversation to all the babblings of these say-nothings.
[Footnote: The original has contes bleus, literally "blue stories" because old tales, such as The Four Sons of Aymon, Fortunatus, Valentine and Orson were formerly sold, printed on coarse paper and with blue paper cover; a kind of popular, but not political, "blue-books."]
They fancy that everything must give way before their flaxen wigs, and think they have said the cleverest witticism when they come up, with their silly chaffing tone, and rally you stupidly about the love of an old man. For my part, I value more highly the affection of such an old man than all the giddy raptures of a youthful brain. But do I not see…
SGAN (To Ariste). Yes, so the matter stands. (PerceivingLéonor). Ah, there she is, and her maid with her.
AR. Léonor, without being angry, I have reason to complain. You know whether I have ever sought to restrain you, and whether I have not stated a hundred times that I left you full liberty to gratify your own wishes; yet your heart, regardless of my approval, has pledged its faith, as well as its love, without my knowledge. I do not repent of my indulgence; but your conduct certainly annoys me; it is a way of acting which the tender friendship I have borne you does not merit.
LEO. I know not why you speak to me thus; but believe me, I am as I have ever been; nothing can alter my esteem for you; love for any other man would seem to me a crime; if you will satisfy my wishes, a holy bond shall unite us to-morrow.
AR. On what foundation, then, have you, brother…
SGAN. What! Did you not come out of Valère's house? Have you not been declaring your passion this very day? And have you not been for a year past in love with him?
LEO. Who has been painting such pretty pictures of me? Who has been at the trouble of inventing such falsehoods?
SCENE X. – ISABELLA, VALÈRE, LÉONOR, ARISTE, SGANARELLE, MAGISTRATE, NOTARY, LISETTE, ERGASTE
ISA. Sister, I ask you generously to pardon me, if, by the freedom I have taken, I have brought some scandal upon your name. The urgent pressure of a great necessity, suggested to me, some time ago, this disgraceful stratagem. Your example condemns such an escapade; but fortune treated us differently. (To Sganarelle). As for you, sir, I will not excuse myself to you. I serve you much more than I wrong you. Heaven did not design us for one another. As I found I was unworthy of your love, and undeserving of a heart like yours, I vastly preferred to see myself in another's hands.
VAL. (To Sganarelle). For me, I esteem it my greatest glory and happiness to receive her, sir, from your hands.
AR. Brother, you must take this matter quietly. Your own conduct is the cause of this. I can see it is your unhappy lot that no one will pity you, though they know you have been made a fool of.
LIS. Upon my word, I am glad of this. This reward of his mistrust is a striking retribution.
LEO. I do not know whether the trick ought to be commended; but I am quite sure that I, at least, cannot blame it.
ERG. His star condemns him to be a cuckold; it is lucky for him he is only a retrospective one.
SGAN. (Recovering from the stupor into which he had been plunged). No, I cannot get the better of my astonishment. This faithlessness perplexes my understanding. I think that Satan in person could be no worse than such a jade! I could have sworn it was not in her. Unhappy he who trusts a woman after this! The best of them are always full of mischief; they were made to damn the whole world. I renounce the treacherous sex for ever, and give them to the devil with all my heart!
ERG. Well said.
AR. Let us all go to my house. Come, M. Valère, tomorrow we will try to appease his wrath.
LIS. (To the audience). As for you, if you know any churlish husbands, by all means send them to school with us.
[Footnote: This is the last time Molière directly addressed the audience at the end of one of his plays; in Sganarelle he did it for the first time.]