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His chest pressed into Holly’s back as he pointed through the window. Impulse ordered him to move her scarf aside, so that he could kiss the back of her neck. Sheer will kept him from doing so. But it was being sorely tested in this close proximity.
It wasn’t difficult to envision losing power over himself in an instant and laying her down on the car seat, climbing on top of her and delving into her softness. A softness he might not ever be able to return from.
Which was not at all part of their deal.
In fact, that kiss at dinner had been much too much. He himself had been startled by the force of it. He could sense it had unbalanced Holly as well.
He’d only meant to enhance their charade with some harmless and sanctioned affection. Prior to that his “guard and defend” strategy had helped him withstand her casual pats on his arm and his back all evening. Yet his own lips had barely touched hers when they’d begun to demand more, and he hadn’t restrained himself in time. That kiss had been out of the scope of what was necessary in both intensity and duration.
His actions had overpowered him—a phenomenon he wasn’t accustomed to. Lesson learned.
He forced himself back to describing the project. “For Building One we have leases for three fine dining restaurants and a food court of six casual establishments.”
“So all that open space will be outdoor seating?”
“Exactly. And we will have a retractable awning with heating units for the colder months.”
“I can imagine it.”
He continued telling her about the plaza’s features. As with everything Benton Worldwide built, Ethan hoped to live up to architecture’s fundamental principle of providing a building with both form and function for its users.
“I just thought of one other building I would like to take you to see. It is not a Benton property, but I think you will agree it has merit.”
* * *
“You’ve brought me to the Empire State Building?” As she and Ethan got out of the car Holly craned her neck up at the monolith.
“As long as we were looking at New York architecture,” he said, nodding, “I thought we ought to give this grand dame her due.”
Taking her hand, Ethan led her into the Art Deco lobby, with its twenty-four-karat gold ceiling murals and marble walls. “Whew!” she whistled.
“Do you want to go up to the top?” he asked.
“Heck, yes.”
But as they rode the escalator up one floor to the ticketing level memory slapped Holly hard.
She didn’t mention to Ethan that she had been here once before. With Ricky. They’d come to New York for a long summer weekend. Stayed in a cheap hotel room in New Jersey.
The Empire State Building had been one of the sights Holly had most wanted to see on their trip. The weather had been hot and humid and the ticket lines crowded with tourists. Unlike tonight—late on a winter Wednesday.
Ricky had got impatient. He’d wanted a beer. He’d tugged her back down to street level, found a bar and that had been the last Holly had seen of the Empire State Building.
“Are you nervous about the elevator ride up?” Ethan asked, reacting to what must be showing on her face.
“No! I was just...um...let’s go!”
Rocketing into the sky, Holly felt excitement pump through her veins. She was happy to leave old memories as far behind as she was leaving the asphalt of Thirty-Fourth Street and Fifth Avenue.
When they reached the top Ethan guided her quickly through the indoor viewpoints and exhibits to the outside observation deck.
And there it was.
Three hundred and sixty degrees of New York in the dazzling clear night.
It was utterly freezing. Two sorts of chills ran through her—one from the cold and the other sheer awe.
“Oh. My. Gosh.” That was all she could say.
The city was so glorious, with the grid of its streets, the grandeur of its buildings and the galaxies of its lights.
They passed a few other visitors as they circled the deck. Holly gawked at Times Square. At Central Park. The Chrysler Building. The Statue of Liberty. The Hudson River.
She begged for a second lap around. “Let’s take selfies!” She grinned as she pulled out her phone.
“You look very beautiful,” Ethan said in a husky voice. “Your cheeks are pink from the cold.”
She sensed him watching her more than he was looking at the views. He’d seen the sight of Manhattan before. It was probably all ho-hum to a global traveler like him. He had seen all the wonders of the world. And was probably amused at Holly’s enthusiasm.
But he gamely put his arm around her and they posed to get photos with the skyline behind them, the Brooklyn Bridge in the distance. Holly surrendered the phone to him, to lift it higher than she could. He clicked several shots.
As he handed the phone back to her he kissed her on the cheek.
“I am so sorry.” He backed away. “I did not mean to do that. I have no idea why I did.”
“Maybe because a million romantic movie scenes have taken place right here?”
“Yes, that must be it. My apologies. It will not happen again.”
She braved it and said what she wanted to say. “Actually, I’m glad you did. At dinner in front of your aunt and Fernando I got so flustered when you kissed me. I think I’ll need to practice physical contact with you until it feels more expected.”
She wasn’t sure if she had really said that out loud or merely thought it. Rehearse kissing Ethan? That was insane.
“You might be right.”
He moved in front of her so they were face to face. With her back to the observation deck’s railing. The glistening city behind her.
Her breath sputtered. “In order to be convincing...”
Ethan arched down and brushed his mouth ever so slightly against hers. A wisp of his breath warmed her lips when he asked, “So, for example, you need to practice doing that?”
“Uh-huh,” she squeaked out.
Why did he have to be so attractive? This would be much easier if she had become the fake fiancée of an unappealing man who didn’t ignite her inside.
Clearly practice was all that was needed. Practice would make perfect. Eventually she’d become numb to him. Kissing would be a choreographed action they’d perform like trained seals.
She was sure of it.
“What about this?” he taunted, and more strength applied a firmer kiss to her lips.
A jolt shot up her back. Her hips rocked forward uncontrollably.
“I... I...” She struggled to take in a complete breath. “I think I need to work on that one.”
She tilted her head back for mercy.
Giving her none, he took both sides of her face in his two hands and drew her to him. He kissed her yet again. Harder. Longer.
“Do we need to rehearse this?”
Now he’d opened his mouth. And he didn’t stop there. The tip of his tongue parted her lips. Forced her tongue to meet his. Drove her to take. Give. Insist on more.
A dark moan rumbled from low in his gut.
A group of tourists strode past, ignoring them and pointing out landmarks in spirited voices. Holly couldn’t see them. Ethan was all she could see.
His hands slid from the sides of her face slowly down her arms to the tips of her fingers. His lips traced across her jaw and then he murmured into her neck, “Do you think an engaged couple might need to kiss like that on occasion?”
“I do,” she whispered.
He took hold of her hips and crushed himself into her. Pinned her back against the railing. She stretched her arms up around his neck, going pliant and yielding against the steel of his body.
With New York as her witness, he kissed her again and again and again. Until they had only one heartbeat. Until there could be no doubt in anyone’s mind that this was a couple who were deeply in love.
CHAPTER EIGHT
FLOATING ON A CLOUD. Ethan had heard that saying before but this was the first time he’d experienced what it meant. Yes, his physical body lay on the uncomfortable leather sofa that was too small to stretch out on. But his heart and soul wafted above him in a silken, curvy vision he never wanted to wake from.
Of course, real sleep eluded him. It seemed an utter waste of time when Holly Motta was in the world. Sleep would just be hours and minutes spent away from thinking about her. What if, during sleep, his subconscious drifted away from the cocoon of her embrace? No, sleep was not time well spent. Not when instead he could linger in this half-daze, filled with the memory of her velvety lips on his and her long arms wrapped around him.
Though reality nagged at him.
After that mind-bending interlude of kissing at the Empire State Building they both knew that something unintentional, inappropriate and very dangerous had passed between them. Something they were going to need to backtrack from. To run from. And to return themselves to the “strictly business” contract they had made.
During the car ride afterward they’d chit-chatted about the architecture of a couple of noteworthy buildings along the way. Once they’d got home Holly hadn’t been able to get away from him fast enough. She’d emerged from the bathroom in a tee shirt and pajama shorts, poured herself a glass of water, voiced a quick good-night and then rapped the bedroom door closed with her foot.
Ethan hoped that she was in his bed, resting in peaceful sleep. At least one of them ought to be. If he was being honest, he also hoped that she was having sweet dreams about him. Just as he was drifting in his trance about her.
As the endless night wore on Ethan’s elation turned to irritation. This was not what he’d signed up for. Lying awake thinking about a woman? No deal!
He couldn’t afford to have that kind of preoccupation in his life. None of his plans included a woman.
Sure, he could enjoy the company of the exotic and enticing females that his travels put him in contact with. That was a game he could play indefinitely. He wanted something from them that they’d readily give in exchange for a taste of his affluence and the limelight. Then they would want more and he would move on. He knew the routine well.
For all his aunt’s prodding, Ethan hadn’t ever truly acknowledged the possibility of really devoting himself to someone and building an inner circle with them. A private life together. Not after what he’d seen of the world. Not after his mother.
Blasted Holly! She’d exploded into his life and detonated every stronghold he held.
Worse still, to all intents and purposes he had reached the point of no return with her. He’d already introduced her to Aunt Louise. The gala was in three days. It would be a huge setback to back out now.
There was no choice but to see this through. However, once his aunt had stepped down and was securely ensconced in the warm Barbados sand, Ethan might have to cut the Holly engagement short. He couldn’t take much more of this.
Uncle Mel had taught him that admitting and analyzing his mistakes was the crucial first step toward moving forward. Ethan had made a grave error in misjudging his own ability to keep this a purely business transaction.
Or perhaps it was just Holly. He’d chosen the wrong person for the job.
Holly was testimony that his aunt and uncle might be right—that an authentic love might be out there in the world for him. A love that was worth bowing to and sacrificing for. That defined his future and ordered everything else to work around it.
Which was not at all where Ethan was headed.
Argh! The road not taken... If only he had stuck to his original plan to hire an actress. She’d have been a consummate professional who knew exactly how to separate reality from performance. Her expertise would have shown him the way.
Just for torture, he flicked on a lamp and snatched his tablet from the coffee table. He clicked onto the website of the talent agency where he had located his original choice. The—unfortunately for him—pregnant Penelope Perkins. The website featured headshot photos of the talent they represented. Tap on the photo and a short bio appeared.
Ethan leaned back on the couch and studied Sienna Freeman. A willowy redhead with a daisy in her hair. An inquiring click told him that she had performed at regional theatres throughout the country, portraying the ingénue in famous American musicals. She looked as if she could have easily been groomed to play the fiancée in Ethan’s little domestic drama. A sweet-faced young woman.
Trouble was, she wasn’t Holly.
Gabrielle Rivera was a temptress with dark hair and crimson lips. A substantial list of her appearances in television comedies and commercials proved she was capable of working in a wide range of situations. Gabrielle would probably handle herself beautifully at important occasions. A fine choice.
Her fatal flaw? She wasn’t Holly.
Glamazon Zara Reed was picture-perfect for a socialite wife. With her blond tresses swept into an up-do, Zara looked born to hang on a wealthy man’s arm. Add in her master’s degree in psychology and small roles in quirky films, and you had one convincing package. A jaw-dropper.
But—poor Zara. She simply wasn’t Holly.
Enough! Ethan put the tablet down, turned off the light and attempted his now customary bent position on the sofa. Every molecule in his body screamed Holly’s name.
He tossed until dawn, exhausted and annoyed.
* * *
Ethan came into the kitchen after he’d showered. Holly was picking at the apple crisp from the baking dish they had managed to stick in the refrigerator last night after Aunt Louise and Fernando had left.
Before they’d gone out looking at buildings. And at each other.
He joined her in scavenging through the mess of the kitchen for breakfast. “Is there coffee?”
She nodded. Once again, the cramped space was making her uneasy. Holly winced at every accidental slide against Ethan’s starched white shirt or suit pants as she prepared two cups of java.
There had been quite enough touching him last night. She needed a break.
With him carrying the coffee, she followed him to the table with the apple crisp. She licked bits off her fingers as she folded herself into a chair.
“We could use forks,” he suggested, “like evolved humans.”
“Sorry if I’m not civilized enough for you.”
“I did not say that.”
He imitated her by gnawing his own fingerful of the leftover desert. Trying to make her laugh. Unsuccessfully.
Not that he didn’t look cute doing it.
“I think it’s obvious,” she sneered.
Truth was, she was more than a little ticked off at what had happened last night at the Empire State Building. Even though she had asked for it. But how dare he kiss her like that if it didn’t mean anything to him? That went way beyond the call of duty in this assignment she’d consented to.
Of course she’d had her part in it. She certainly hadn’t pushed him away. The opposite, in fact. His kisses had fed a vital nutrient into her body that she had been starved of for so long she hadn’t even known she was ravenous for it.
Nonetheless, she was still furious at him for stoking that hunger.
“What I think is obvious...” he paused for a sip of coffee “...is that you are angry at me and I do not know why.”
“Welcome to marriage.”
“No surprise I have steered clear of it.”
She undid and redid her ponytail, buying a moment to regroup. Deciding to be honest.
“We went too far last night.”
“I agree completely,” he replied quickly.
“You do?”
His kisses hadn’t offered any apology. They had been the kisses of a man entitled to his desires, who confidently took them with no cause for second guesses.
“Clearly we need to define the parameters of our physical contact,” he stated, as if he was discussing an architectural floor plan. “It is important that we keep any sentiment out of the framework.”
Was he admitting that he had felt as much as she had in that transcendental swirl of urgent kisses and intimate embraces? Or was he scolding her for crossing boundaries?
“It’s my fault,” she said, strategizing. “I asked you for some practice kissing because I don’t want us to appear awkward in front of other people.”
He took a minute to measure her words, carefully contemplating them before he responded.
“We simply got carried away,” he concluded. “We will not do it again.”
Inexplicably, her heart crashed to the floor. Which made no sense—because not passionately kissing Ethan Benton again was exactly what did need to happen.
“Right...” she granted. Yet sadness ricocheted between her ears.
As a diffuser, she munched on another chunk of the apple dessert.
Clearly no longer interested in the leftovers, Ethan reached for his phone. He ignored her to swipe, read and type.
She looked at her painting of him on the wall. She had never painted Ricky, nor the other couple of men she had dated. None of them had gotten under her skin like Ethan had. Filling her not only with the inclination but with the outright necessity to bring her brush to his likeness.
Ethan was like the multi-faceted diamond she wore on her finger. Every way she turned she saw something new. Something more. Something unexpected. Something unfathomable. She could paint him a hundred times and still not be done.
Eventually he glanced up and observed her, as if maybe he had forgotten she was in the room.
“So. Shall we establish some ground rules?”
“O-okay,” she stumbled, unsure where he was going with this.
“I believe we will need to kiss on occasion. We will certainly want a convincing display of affection at the shareholders’ gala, when our engagement is announced.”
Holly braced herself, suddenly unsure if she was really going to be able to go through with this charade. She felt ill-suited to the task. It was too much.
“I think it will be beneficial for us to define what type of kissing is necessary,” he continued.
“Absolutely,” she bluffed, shifting in her seat.
“For example, I see no need for our tongues to touch, as they did last night.”
Well, that was for sure. Her head and heart couldn’t afford any more kisses like last night’s. The kind that made a girl forget that she was only an employee of the most compelling and sexy man she had ever met. A man who had made it clear that he had hired her to help him protect his aunt, the only woman he’d ever love.
A fact she’d be wise to keep in the forefront of her mind.
Which his kisses completely clouded.
“Got it—no tongues.” She nodded once and reached her hand across the table to shake his in a gentlemen’s agreement.
Ethan’s mouth hooked up as he shook her hand. He was amused by her gesture of sportsmanship.
Except he didn’t let go of her hand after the shake. In fact he fought to keep it like a possession he’d battle to the ground for. He turned it over and caressed the tops of her fingers with the pad of his thumb.
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t press your body into mine.” Holly yanked her hand free and continued. She sparked at the memory of last night’s six feet and three inches of solid manpower searing into her.
“How far away shall I stand?” he asked, holding his thumb and forefinger apart as a measurement. “This far?”
“Further than that.”
Widening the gap between his fingers, he tilted his head. “This far?”
“At least.”
“And would that be all of my body? Or just certain parts?”
Oh, Lordy, he was mocking her.
“Probably all parts.” She kept going. “Of course we should have friendly hugs, but nothing prolonged.”
“Shall I program a timer?” He smirked.
She lifted her palms in surrender. “Look, it was your idea to lay down some guidelines.”
“You are right. I did not realize how ludicrous it would sound stated aloud.” He abruptly stood and gathered his phone, tablet, keys and wallet. “For the moment we need not be concerned about our proximity to each other. My schedule today is filled with appointments.”
With that, he turned toward the front door. Holly shifted her eyes to spy him putting on his suit jacket followed by his overcoat. He picked up a roll of architectural blueprints that had been propped up beside the door, and out he went.
Holly wasn’t exactly sure why a sharp tear stung her cheek.
* * *
The left side needed more of the muddy purple she had mixed. Holly dipped thin bristles into the unusual color and applied them to her canvas. When they’d been at the art supply store Ethan had insisted on buying her a full range of brushes—a luxury she wasn’t used to. She flicked tiny lines with a brush that was ideal for the task of depicting the rain outside.
Music blared from her phone—a pop singer belting on about how it was time to move on from a man who had done her wrong.
A wild sprawl of buildings and weather... Holly couldn’t decide whether or not she liked this painting. It didn’t matter, though. The important thing was the doing.
Painting had always been Holly’s best friend. It had kept her alive during a tumultuous childhood with an unstable mother and a man she’d called her father whom she had seen so few times she could count them on her fingers. Painting had got her through a disaster of a marriage to a selfish man-child. And then through an ugly divorce.
Painting was her escape. Her entertainment. Her coping mechanism. Her voice. Her salvation.
Early on, her brother, Vince, had found sports. And she’d discovered canvas and color. It was unimaginable where they’d be without those outlets.
In the past few years she had been fortunate enough to have been able to make some money creating artwork for paying clients. But in times of trouble she still picked up her brush purely for emotional release. For safety. For comfort.
Which was what was required now. Because she was disturbed and confused. Art gave her a little bit of a sanctuary in an unpredictable world.
So she had re-created her little studio area after packing it up for Louise and Fernando’s visit last night. And she’d got back to work.
As often happened when she was painting, her problems became evident.
She had developed strong feelings for Ethan. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she sensed the same might be happening for him.
How he managed to be so volatile while remaining so formal she’d never understand. He was in control of himself, yet there was a barely masked vulnerability there. Manners and restraint mixed with something brutal and pounding.
Those kisses atop the Empire State Building had come from somewhere organic inside him. Beyond rational intent. That kind of intensity couldn’t have been plotted.
In spite of that he would never care for her as anything more than an employee. Plain and simple. Even if he did, he would clamp his emotions down and lock them away as soon as he acknowledged them. He was too strong and too true ever to be swayed once he’d made a decision.
A means to an end. That was all she was to him.
And he to her.
Her phone buzzed.
“Ethan, here.”
“Hi.”
“I wanted to apologize for making light of your concerns about what physical interaction between us would be appropriate.”
“I just don’t want to mess up at the gala. I’m worried I’m going to get flustered, like I did at dinner last night. I want everything to go right for you and your plan for Aunt Louise.”
“I agree that we could use more training sessions where we are surrounded by other people. I have a charity event to attend tonight. You and I will go together. As colleagues.”
That was a terrific idea. She wanted to fulfill her end of the contract and make this arrangement work with Ethan. He was offering her the door into a New York that she could never open on her own. How hard could it be? He’d contracted her for a job that she was capable of doing. She just needed to keep the right mindset, purpose and goals.