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She had determined to be strong, mentally and physically. She would be in control of both her emotions and her fate from now on. No more being tossed about by the waves on the sea of life; no more crying for what had been taken so brutally from her. She would make her place in a world in which children rarely featured and learn to be content with that. She would.
And now? She was aware of Luke just a step behind her as they walked to the lift. Now, for the first time in all those years, that control had been shaken. And she was having dinner with him tonight! Was she mad? Before she had time to consider her next words, she turned round so sharply that he almost walked into her.
‘Mr—Luke, I really think I would prefer to have a meal in my room tonight,’ she said hastily to the dark, hard face above her, stumbling slightly over his name, which seemed as though it had burnt her lips. ‘It will give me a chance to go over a few of those calculations, and I’m really very tired...’
She found her voice dwindling away as he stood looking down at her, his silver-grey eyes gleaming in the dull artificial light overhead and his face perfectly still. Even when he wasn’t speaking, perhaps especially when he wasn’t speaking, the cold, compelling aura of the man was fiercely strong.
‘You don’t lie very well—unlike most of your sex, I might add,’ he said thoughtfully after a few tense moments had passed. ‘You’d really find my company so hard to take?’
‘I—It’s not that. I’m just—’
‘Tired?’ He cut into her red-faced mutterings with cool composure as the lift doors glided silently open, and she knew her legs were trembling slightly as she stepped into the carpeted box. ‘Josie, you are twenty-eight years of age and as free as a bird—no demanding husband in the background, no little infants hanging on your coat-tails and interrupting your sleep, not even a live-in lover, from what I can determine. You are young, beautiful and healthy, right?’
The glittering gaze was as sharp as finely honed steel as it swept over her and the lift doors slid shut. ‘Now, in view of all this are you seriously trying to tell me that you are so exhausted you can’t make dinner tonight?’
‘How do you know all that?’ She forgot the matter of dinner as she glared at him across the small space, anger competing with the warning her brain was giving her to go steady, to keep cool. ‘All that about my personal life.’
‘Is it inaccurate?’ He was leaning against the lift wall as he spoke, muscled arms crossed over a broad chest that wouldn’t have disgraced a prize wrestler.
‘That’s not the point,’ she replied hotly, her face burning as she frowned up at him, her tiny, delicate frame taut and her honey-gold eyes flashing green sparks. ‘My private life is nothing to do with you or the job.’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous,’ he said coolly.
‘Ridiculous?’
‘Yes, ridiculous.’ Now the hard face had set into pure granite, and there was a chill emanating from the sliver-grey gaze trained on her face that could have frozen molten lava. ‘Hawkton Enterprises is a large and varied organisation, as I’m sure you are aware, but as I think I explained to you Hawkton Marine is particularly important to me.’
Because of his father? Yes, she remembered as the lift deposited them at their floor, the doors gliding open to reveal a hushed, scented corridor with ankle-deep carpeting and hothouse blooms perfuming the still air.
‘The person I chose for the Night Hawk project needed to be mentally and emotionally on the ball—a quality that can’t always be determined at first glance,’ he added cynically. ‘I had no intention of employing someone with a messy or complicated private life, and if that offends you—tough.’
‘So you spied on me?’ she asked in disbelief, her voice high.
‘Spied on you?’ he asked, in a voice that resembled splintered ice. ‘I control Hawkton Enterprises, for crying out loud, not the Secret Service. You’ve been reading too many novels, young lady. I merely made enquiries as to whether you were free to put in the number of hours this job would entail or whether there were personal ties in your life that would make it difficult. If you had had a husband and children you would have seen little of them over the next five months, and although that may be fine during the initial euphoria it very quickly palls, believe me.’
‘And you’d have made the same enquiries about a man?’ she asked tightly as they came to a halt outside her door.
‘Most certainly.’ He looked at her steadily. ‘I don’t go in for sexual discrimination in any shape or form. I’ve been accused of many things in my life, but chauvinism is not one of them. Could you say the same?’
‘What?’ His question had taken her completely by surprise and it showed.
‘You don’t date—or very rarely. You have a circle of a few close friends, none of whom are male. And you have a way of looking at me with those huge golden eyes as if I was something that had just slithered out from under a stone,’ he drawled sardonically. ‘It doesn’t take a genius to work out that for whatever reason the male animal is a species you find less than trustworthy.’
‘Oh, really?’ She couldn’t remember when she had been so mad. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t apply the age-old male explanation for all that.’ She had meant her tone to be scathing, but it wasn’t quite so forceful as she would have liked. His intuition had frightened her, badly. She had been right to feel he was dangerous. ‘That I must prefer women? Isn’t that what you men usually assume when your egos are dented?’
Part of her couldn’t believe that she was having this conversation with the head of Hawkton Enterprises, that she could well be throwing away both this particular project and the job she had worked so hard for at Top Promotions. If he fired her now—and he could, easily—Mike and Andy would be livid with her.
‘I have no idea what men do when their egos are dented, Josie; such an... unpleasant calamity has not befallen me to date.’ He smiled easily, his equanimity quite unaffected by her all too obvious rage. ‘But it sounds painful,’ he added drily. ‘Now, can we stop this childishness and agree on dinner at eight?’
She immediately thought about arguing some more, but somehow the instruction didn’t get through to that part of her brain which governed her responses, because she found herself nodding dazedly as he took the key she had been holding and inserted it in her door, pushing her gently into the room beyond and shutting the door after her.
She stood for some minutes in the quietness of her room before her hand reached for the light switch. Immediately the room was bathed in a soft golden glow from the carefully positioned lighting, and the thick cream carpet and curtains and pale lemon furnishings appeared both tasteful and restful to her tired eyes.
He was generous; she had to give him that. This must be one of the best rooms in the hotel, after all. She shook her head gently as she ran her hand across her face in a quick, confused gesture that spoke of her inner turmoil. He had probably wanted her easily available if he needed to consult her about anything, and his suite was just down the hall... This was all to suit him, that was all it was—
‘Stop it.’ She swallowed painfully after speaking out loud into the silence. It didn’t matter whether he was generous or not. The only thing of any importance was the Night Hawk project. Once that was completed she would have had a terrific boost to her career prospects, an undreamed-of advance up the ladder of success.
And this feeling she had had of late—that it was all futile, empty, that she wanted more, someone to call her own, something to love—well, that was just a classic case of the grass being greener—human nature in all its perversity. Because she had no choice; she had no choice at all, did she? Her options had all disappeared thirteen years ago on a beautiful summer’s evening in June amid a mass of tangled metal and burnt rubber.
‘You look quite beautiful.’ It wasn’t so much what he said as the husky deepness in that rich voice that made her heart beat a trifle more quickly as she opened the door to Luke just before eight.
She was dressed simply but expensively in a sleeveless cocktail dress of russet silk, the wafer-thin straps over her shoulders and softly fitted bodice showing the creamy perfection of her skin to its best advantage and the three-inch heels on shoes of exactly the same shade giving her petiteness a small boost. She’d left her hair loose, and it fell in tiny shimmering curls about her face and shoulders, accentuating the fine, heart-shaped face and huge golden eyes.
‘Thank you.’ She managed a light smile, but the way the black dinner jacket sat on those massive shoulders had given her a nasty moment. He oozed sex appeal—positively oozed it, she thought helplessly as her mind went blank on the conversation front. And she didn’t like the warm ache that his male sensuality called forth from the core of her; it was crazy, stupid. She wasn’t attracted to the he-man type, not remotely. Not remotely, she told her quivering nerves.
‘All ready?’ His voice was impersonal now, and she nodded quickly before stepping past him into the corridor and shutting the door firmly behind her.
Ready? No, she wasn’t ready, she thought nervously as he put a casual arm round her waist and guided her into the lift, which was waiting at their floor, his flesh burning hers through the silk of her dress.
Once in the lift, she moved carefully to one side, turning to face him as she strove for nonchalance. ‘You’ve stayed here before?’ she asked lightly.
‘Several times.’ If he noticed her manoeuvre to avoid his touch he gave no sign of it, his voice pleasant and untroubled. ‘When you travel as much as I do, if you find a good hotel you stick to it, believe me. I like good food, swift service and most of all a comfortable bed.’
This time she refused to let herself blush at what was a perfectly normal conversation after all, although there had been an inflexion in the dark, deep voice that she was sure she hadn’t imagined.
‘Yes...’ Come on, blind him with some riveting repartee, she told herself angrily, but the flagrant masculinity showed no signs of abating, and it had the unwelcome effect of stilling her normally quick tongue. It didn’t help that it was completely natural either...
He had to be one of the most attractive, sexy men she had met in a long time, she realised suddenly with a shock of surprise. Women must adore him. ‘I really think the launch is going to be the most talked about event for years,’ she began quickly. ‘I’m sure—’
‘Josie?’ he interrupted her softly, his voice lazy. ‘You aren’t working now.’
‘But—’
‘No buts.’ His eyes glinted at her, daring her to argue. ‘Don’t you ever relax?’ he asked silkily.
As they reached the ground floor and the lift opened onto the luxurious reception area she smiled coolly, her back straight. ‘Of course I relax,’ she said tightly. ‘Often.’
‘When?’ he challenged quietly.
‘What?’ She stared up at him as he brought her to a halt by turning her to face him, his large hands under her elbows.
‘When do you relax?’ he asked patiently, his voice soft. ‘Really relax, I mean.’
‘I... All the time.’ Was he flirting with her? she thought nervously. She really didn’t know. But what she did know was that the coldly intimidating, ruthless tycoon had metamorphosed into the perfect dinner companion, and of the two she found the latter infinitely more alarming. ‘When I’m at home—’
‘By yourself?’ There was a dry, mordant note in the lazy voice now that immediately grated on her nerves. He turned from her, taking her arm and leading her into the small cocktail bar just off Reception.
‘There’s nothing wrong with being by yourself,’ she said hotly, stung into temper. ‘Besides which I have lots of friends, and my cat—’
‘Josie, old ladies of ninety have lots of friends and a cat,’ he drawled, with inexcusable amusement. ‘Now, our table at the restaurant isn’t booked until half-past nine, and I’d like you to try a particularly delicious cocktail here before we leave. I’m sure you’ll love it.’
‘What’s it called?’ she asked tightly, her temper still at boiling point but unable to do anything about it with the attentive barman hovering in front of them as though Luke were royalty.
‘Chaste Delight.’ He raised one sardonic eyebrow at her as he spoke. ‘Although I rather think that is a contradiction in terms... Good evening, George.’
The silver gaze turned to centre on the barman not a moment too soon as her urge to kick him became almost overwhelming. ‘How’s your wife?’
‘Getting along nicely now, Mr Hawkton, thank you,’ the barman said, with a deference that Josie found intensely irritating in the circumstances. ‘We’ve roped the grandparents in to help out a bit; they love it and it gives Frieda a break.’
‘Good idea. All hands to the plough—or in this case three ploughs.’ Luke glanced at her with a wry smile. ‘George’s wife recently gave birth to triplets; they don’t do things by halves over here. That’ll teach you to marry a big, healthy German girl, George,’ he continued smoothly as Josie forced herself to smile politely. ‘If you’d stayed in the old country you wouldn’t have had this problem.’
‘No problem, Mr Hawkton.’ The other man grinned cheerfully. ‘You want to see the mugshots?’
‘Do I have a choice?’ Luke returned wryly but with a warm smile. ‘And while we do that perhaps you’d mix a Chaste Delight for the lady, and I’d better have a mineral water, George. I’m driving.’
Josie steeled herself for what was to follow but it still hurt; it always did. Three little cocoons with tiny faces exposed to the camera in the arms of their proud parents. Three. She kept the smile in place with gritted teeth. It wasn’t fair. Life just wasn’t fair.
‘They’re very sweet.’ She handed the photographs back to Luke as though they had burnt her, and George busied himself with serving their drinks before disappearing to the other end of the bar as another couple wandered in.
‘Did I detect a note of boredom there?’ Luke asked softly as she took a long, deep swallow of her frothy pink cocktail to quell the trembling in her stomach.
‘Boredom?’ She was immensely glad of the kick in the drink as she raised purposefully blank eyes to his. ‘No, not at all.’
‘Do you like children?’ he asked quietly.
He had no idea what this conversation was doing to her, and she drew on every scrap of strength she had won over the last few years and answered flatly, her voice even, ‘I suppose so. I don’t really come into contact with any.’
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