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She stepped right up to him and grabbed his lapels. ‘I made a mistake leaving you behind in Paris. As soon as I got back here, I saw that without you, I will only ever just...exist. I have been so lonely without you. I need you to be...my companion. My soulmate. Nathan, marry me. Make my life worth living again.’
‘I am not the man to make any woman’s life worth living,’ he said bitterly. ‘All my life, people have been telling me that. And I’ve proved it. My first marriage failed—’
‘Because you didn’t love each other. You married for all the wrong reasons. Marry for the right ones this time. Because you want a companion and a soulmate. Someone to complete you and make your life worth living.’
He took a breath as though about to say something. Closed his mouth. Shook his head. ‘It’s no use. I was just chasing a dream. Paris was—’
‘Paris was a taste of what we could have, if we both trust in the love we found there. When you learned that I hadn’t been an unmarried mother, that I hadn’t tried to deceive you, I saw the pain etched into your features fade away. And I became a better person when I was with you, too. The anger I’d carried around for so long, like a shield, melted away. I thought that lowering it would make me vulnerable. Instead, it freed me to be myself. And that was the person you loved. The real Amethyst. The one I’d never suspected I could be. It wasn’t the girl you knew all those years ago. It was someone I’d become as a result of all I’ve been through. Just as you’d changed from the boy who swept me off my feet, then broke my heart. You’d grown into a man. A man who’d suffered, and sinned, then finally found a path you could walk with your head held high.
‘Money didn’t come into it. Reputation didn’t matter either. It was who we were when we were together that was important. The fact that we made each other happy.’
‘You are right,’ he said slowly, ‘in that we did make each other happy. But...this is all wrong. A woman doesn’t propose to a man.’
‘Well, perhaps a woman should, especially if she’s been silly enough to turn down a man’s proposal so many times it’s made him give up hope. Should we both suffer for the rest of our lives because I was too scared to dare believe you really felt something for me? Or because you let my wealth stand between us?’
His hands went to her hips.
‘Amy, you are so wealthy you could have any man you wanted. You can’t possibly want to throw yourself away on a wretch like me...’
‘I don’t want any other man. I’ve never wanted any other man. For some reason, you are the only one who makes me think of kissing and being held, and taking my clothes off and wrapping myself around you.’
‘Amy...’ He groaned. ‘What am I going to do with you?’
‘Love me, Nathan. That’s all I want from you.’
‘I do love you,’ he said. ‘You’re right. It is you...you as you are now that I love, but...’
She didn’t let him continue with his protests. She stood on tiptoe, plunged her fingers into his hair and kissed him.
With a groan, he surrendered. He returned the kiss with interest, holding her so tightly that breathing soon became difficult.
Eventually, she had to tear her lips away, just to breathe.
But when she looked into his face, it was to see doubt and misery lingering beneath the passion.
‘Very well,’ she said. ‘I can see that marriage is too big a step for you to take. So I will just have to be content with living with you, as your mistress.’
‘No! I won’t demean you by making you sink that low. You’ve already suffered enough on my account. The last thing I want is to embroil you in a scandal.’
‘It might be a bit too late to avoid it,’ she admitted. ‘On the way here I informed the most determined gossip in the county that I’m going to run away with you. If you don’t want to ruin my reputation beyond all hope of redemption, you’re going to have to marry me. And if,’ she said, lifting her chin defiantly, ‘you really can’t stomach the prospect of having another wealthy wife, then I can give it all away.’
‘What? No—I’d never ask you to do that. It wouldn’t be right.’
‘I would gladly give it away if it would mean winning you. Nathan, can’t you see that it doesn’t matter? Any more than your reputation matters?’
‘You are really ready to give everything away and ally yourself to a man whose reputation is just about as sordid as it can be?’
She nodded, her eyes solemn. ‘That’s why I’ve just destroyed my own reputation. So that it makes us even.’
He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. ‘Amy, telling one woman, in a small market town in the middle of nowhere, that you’re going to run off with what she thinks is a penniless artist hardly compares with the stink I created in society.’
‘I will put that picture of me naked up for sale in the auction rooms, then,’ she declared defiantly. ‘In my father’s parish.’
He shook his head ruefully. ‘Amy, Amy, how can you want to throw everything away like this? On me of all people? I don’t know how you can be so sure I won’t break faith with you...’
‘I know because your whole life went sour when you thought you’d lost me the first time. When you thought I wasn’t the girl you’d fallen in love with, but some mirage conjured up from your fevered imagination. I know because I went through exactly the same process. I know because I’ve never been so happy as I was in Paris, with you. Even though doubt and fear lingered, I had to take what I could have of you. Just as you snatched at what you thought you could have of me. Even when you still believed I was Monsieur Le Brun’s mistress, you came and begged me to leave him and take up with you. You’d been starved of love for so long you were prepared to drink the dregs.
‘But, Nathan, you don’t have to scrape the dregs of life any longer. We can have the finest vintage. We love each other. What else matters?’
‘A great many things,’ he said sadly. ‘Though you are right about a good deal.’ He drew her against his chest, and buried his face in her hair.
‘I didn’t ever really stop loving you. Even when I thought you the worst kind of woman, when I saw you again, I couldn’t prevent myself from wanting you. My body recognised its one true mate.’
She pushed herself away just enough that she could look up into his face.
‘It was exactly the same for me. Every time I read some new story about you in the papers, I told myself I was well rid of you. But the moment I saw you again...it was as though there was nobody else in the room. I didn’t care what you’d done.’
‘I did a great many things of which I’m heartily ashamed now.’
‘I know.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘And I also know that if you were as bad as they all say you are, then you wouldn’t be ashamed. You wouldn’t care.’
‘Amy,’ he whispered, before lowering his head and kissing her as if she was necessary to his very existence.
She flowed into him, relief rushing through her in a flood.
‘They said I was too young to know what I wanted,’ he said, breaking off to frame her face with his hands and gaze at her intently. So intently that she knew he was speaking of her.
‘Too naïve to know what was good for me. They persuaded me to follow a path that led me to utter misery.’
‘I know,’ she said. ‘They tried to tell me I was too silly to know truth from wishful thinking, too. But we weren’t too young. We knew we’d found the road to happiness. And now we’ve found it again.’
‘Then,’ he said and swallowed, ‘I will take it.’ Then uncertainty clouded his features. ‘If you’re sure?’
‘Oh, yes, Nathan, I’m completely sure. And I promise you,’ she said earnestly, ‘that this time, marriage won’t feel like a prison sentence.’
‘I’m not the only one who might think of it like a trap, though, am I? You’ve been so used to running not only your own life, but also that of hundreds of others, through your manufactories, that it’s going to be hard for you to give it all up. Especially when I don’t really want any of it.’
‘Give it all up? I thought you said you didn’t want me to give it all away?’
‘Yes, but once we marry, it will all belong to me.’
‘Yes, but, Nathan, you don’t want to change me, any more than I want you to become something you’re not, do you?’
‘Of course not. I want you to be happy, too.’
‘Well, then, if you don’t want me to give it all away and you don’t want to be chained to a desk yourself, why don’t we do something that nobody would expect? Why don’t we just snap our fingers at convention?’
He looked at her with a frown for a few seconds, then his expression cleared.
‘We can make our marriage anything we want, you’re right. We don’t need to let society mould us into being anything we don’t want to be. Not either of us.’ He drew a deep breath. ‘If you want to carry on running your business empire, then I won’t try to stop you. I don’t want to be the one to clip your wings.’
She beamed at him. ‘Any more than I would try to stop you painting. Or...or anything you want to do.’
‘I should never have walked out on you, earlier. I just...I got so angry when I heard you had so much money. And that you’d concealed so much from me. It all felt...’
‘I know,’ she said. ‘It all got tangled up in memories of your first marriage. Of getting into it before you really knew what Lucasta was like.’
‘You are nothing like her,’ he said fervently. ‘I’m so sorry for implying that you are.’
‘I forgive you. You didn’t mean it. I’ve sometimes said things, when I’ve been angry, that I’ve regretted later, haven’t I? And you didn’t listen to the words I said, but judged what was beneath the surface. The emotions that had made me lash out at you. And then you came after me.’
‘Just as you came after me.’
‘I feel so sorry for Lucasta,’ she said, wrinkling her brow. ‘Not only because she had you, and didn’t appreciate what she had, but also because she had so many frustrated ambitions. If she wanted to have a voice in Parliament, why shouldn’t she?’
‘Amy,’ he gasped. ‘That’s...revolutionary talk.’
She grinned up at him impishly. ‘And even in France, they don’t let women into government, do they?’
‘Not legally, no, but behind the scenes...’
‘Never mind what goes on behind the scenes in France, Nathan. I’m far more concerned with what is going to go on behind closed doors in Stanton Basset.’
As she spoke, she pulled the pin from his neckcloth, then started to work on the complicated knot with determined, if rather unskilled fingers. When he saw she was getting nowhere, he pushed her hands away and loosed it himself.
‘Never let it be said that I disappointed a lady,’ he said with a lazy smile.
He led her to the rug before the fire, lowered her down on to it and began to undo her gown, with a great deal more expertise than she’d shown with his neckcloth.
‘You won’t, Nathan. You couldn’t.’
He buried his face in her neck, breathing in as though he was intent on inhaling her.
‘I will do my utmost not to, my clever darling. My only love.’
And he didn’t disappoint her. Right there on the hearthrug.
* * * * *
Regency Surrender: Defiant Lords
His Unusual Governess
Anne Herries
Claiming the Chaperon’s Heart
Anne Herries
www.millsandboon.co.uk
His Unusual Governess
Anne Herries
BENEATH THE GOVERNESS’S BLUSH…
Heiress Sarah Hardcastle is convinced her plan to escape the unwanted attentions of a fortune hunter is foolproof. Buried deep in the countryside, and with a whole new identity as prim governess Miss Goodrum, Sarah is looking forward to the quiet life for once.
But her careful masquerade is shaken when she meets her pupils’ mentor, Lord Rupert Myers. An incorrigible flirt, Rupert has the looks and the charm to make Sarah blush all the way down to her high-buttoned neckline—and the determination to uncover what’s beneath! Sarah will need her wits about her if she’s to resist Rupert’s roguish ways and keep her secret intact....
I would like to dedicate this book to the memory of my great friend Paula Marshall, whom I loved dearly, as did so many of you.
Prologue
‘What was so important that you summoned me here?’ Lord Rupert Myers arched a languid eyebrow at the Marquess of Merrivale. ‘’Tis an unseasonable hour and I was up late last night.’ He smothered a yawn and levelled an elegant gold-rimmed eyeglass at the older man. Seeing that the marquess looked strained, he dropped the air of boredom and said in a very different tone, ‘What may I do for you, sir?’
‘Good grief, sir,’ his uncle said, looking at a coat that had so many capes it made Rupert’s broad shoulders look positively menacing. ‘Where did you get that monstrosity?’
‘Uncle!’ Devilish eyes mocked him. ‘My feelings are deeply lacerated. Don’t you know I’m a very tulip of fashion? I dare say at least six young idiots have copied this cape only this week, for I saw Harrad’s boy wearing one with nine capes and this has only seven.’
‘More fool him,’ the marquess grunted. ‘Sit down, m’boy. You make me feel awkward, towering over me like an avenging dervish. What happened to the eager young fellow I saw off to war six years ago?’
‘I dare say he grew up, sir,’ Rupert replied carelessly, but there were shadows in his eyes as he sat in the chair opposite and his mouth lost its smile. He did not care to be reminded of that time for the memories were too painful. ‘Is something bothering you?’
‘I fear it is,’ the marquess said. ‘I’m in somewhat of a pickle, m’boy—and I’m hoping you’ll sort me out.’
‘Anything to oblige. I do not forget that you stood as a father to me when my own...’ Blue fire flashed in bitter regret, for the late Lord Myers had been a rogue and a cheat and had brought his family almost to the edge of ruin. That Rupert had been able to save himself and his sister from disgrace was in large part due to this man. ‘No, I will not go down that road. Tell me what you wish, sir, and if it is in within my power I shall do it.’
‘It’s Lily’s children,’ the marquess said with a heavy sigh. ‘You know my daughter’s story, Rupert. She would marry that wastrel. I warned her that he would run through her fortune and break her heart. She wouldn’t listen and he did all that and more—he killed her.’
‘You can’t be sure of that, sir.’
‘He drove her out into the rain that night. Her maid told me of the quarrel between them. Scunthorpe broke her heart and she stayed out all night in the rain. You know what happened next...’
Rupert nodded for he did know only too well. Lily Scunthorpe had died of a fever, leaving a daughter of six years and a son of three, but that had been more than ten years previously and he could not see what the urgency was now.
‘You took the children when Scunthorpe deserted them, installed them in Cavendish Park with a governess, tutor and the requisite servants—what has happened to throw you into a fit of the blue devils?’
‘The governess and tutor both gave notice last month. I’ve tried to find replacements, but with very little success. I fear my niece and nephew have acquired a reputation for being difficult. I have managed to find a woman who is prepared to take them both on—I suspect because she has no choice—but I’m not sure she’ll stay above a few days.’
Merrivale cleared his throat. ‘They need a firm hand, Rupert. I fear I’ve spoiled them. If I read them a lecture, they would apologise sweetly and then go straight back to their old ways. Would it be too much to ask you to stand as mentor to them for a while? The boy may go to college at the end of the year and the girl...well, she ought to have a Season next spring, but I fear I shall find it hard to secure the services of a woman influential enough to give them a good start.’
‘Play bear-leader to a girl on the edge of her come-out and a rebellious youth? Good grief, Uncle! Have your wits gone begging? I’m hardly a role model for either of them. Besides being a tulip of fashion, I’m a notorious rake—or hadn’t you heard?’
Merrivale ran nervous fingers through his white hair. ‘I know you have your mistress, but I’m not suggesting you should take her with you to Cavendish.’
‘Thank you for small mercies,’ Rupert said, the light of mockery in his eyes once more. ‘She would take it as an invitation to marry me. Annais is too greedy for her own good. I have been looking for an excuse to finish the affair and I suppose one is as good as another...she has no love of the country.’
‘Do you mean you will do it?’ A look of such relief entered the marquess’s eyes that Rupert laughed out loud. ‘I should be so grateful, m’boy.’
‘I’ll do what I can for them,’ Rupert said. ‘But I must have a free hand. Discipline is never popular and I dare say one or the other will write and complain of my high-handed behaviour or some such thing.’
‘Lily was very precious to me and her children are all I have left—apart from you, m’boy. Francesca is very like her mother, but I think the boy may be more like his father. I hope John won’t turn out to be a rogue like Captain Scunthorpe—but that is why he needs a firm hand now, to knock him into shape a little before he goes to college. I suppose I should have sent him earlier, but I preferred to educate them at home—some of those schools are very harsh to boys, you know.’
‘We’ve all suffered at the hands of bullies at school,’ Rupert said. ‘John needs to learn to stand up for himself. I could teach him to box, gentleman’s rules—and perhaps fencing lessons. I’m not sure about the girl, but perhaps the governess will be what she needs.’
‘I pray she will be suitable. Her references from Lady Mary Winters were good, but Lady Mary’s daughter was leaving for finishing school in France so she may just have wanted to get the woman off her hands.’
‘How old is this governess and what is her name?’
‘She’s in her late twenties, I think, and a sensible woman. Her name is Miss Hester Goodrum and she teaches the pianoforte as well as French, literature and needlework.’
‘Miss Goodrum?’ Rupert nodded. She sounded sensible enough, though her skills were limited. ‘I’m not sure what help she would be to John. He needs rather more than that—but for the next six months he shall have the benefit of my knowledge, such as it is.’
‘I’m not sure what you mean.’ The marquess looked puzzled. ‘I thought you would just run an eye over them, give them both a lecture and then pop in once in a while?’
‘I hardly think that would do much good, sir.’ Rupert arched his right eyebrow. ‘I’ve been feeling jaded for a while and this sounds like a challenge. I shall reside at Cavendish Park until the boy goes to college and by then you will have found someone to take Francesca on, I imagine. I can be John’s mentor and tutor and keep an eye on this governess until Christmas. After that I dare say I’ll be thoroughly sick of it all, but I’ve never refused a challenge.’
‘Then take my hand on it. If I can be of service to you, you have only to ask, m’boy.’
‘You have done more for me than I could ever repay,’ Rupert assured him, clasped his hand firmly and smiled. ‘It will be a change for me. My estate is in good heart and almost runs itself these days. Besides, I shall be no more than a day’s ride from my home if I’m needed.’
‘I fear you may find they do not take kindly to authority, Rupert.’
‘I dare say John may kick a bit at the start, but he’ll gentle to the bit in time.’
Rupert waved his uncle’s gratitude aside carelessly. After all, what trouble could one young boy and a girl on the brink of womanhood be to a man of the world? He hoped the governess would be presentable and not one of those sour-face spinsters, but whatever she was like they would bob along together easily enough....
Chapter One
‘It was so good of you to take me up with you, Miss Hardcastle,’ Hester Goodrum said as she climbed into the comfortable chaise. ‘Lady Mary promised to send me to Cavendish Park in comfort, but she was called away to her sister’s bedside and forgot all about me. I have to be there by the end of the week, because the marquess sent word the young people would be alone by then, except for their servants, of course.’
Sarah Hardcastle looked at the woman sitting opposite her and nodded. Hester was in her late twenties, attractive, though not pretty, and kindhearted. She had heard of her predicament and been moved to offer assistance.
‘Well, I’m returning to my home in the north of England and we must pass within twenty miles of Cavendish Park. It is no trouble to take a detour, Hester.’
‘My fiancé told me I was a fool to agree to this position,’ Hester went on as she settled in her seat. ‘He wanted me to give up work and go home to Chester and marry him.’
‘Why didn’t you?’ Sarah asked and caught at the rope as the chaise moved off with a lurch. ‘I fear Coachman is in one of his moods again. If he continues this way, I shall have to call a halt and give him a scolding.’
‘Please do not do so on my account,’ Hester said. ‘I should like to get married, miss. I’ve been saving for years, but Jim needs more money to set up for himself in an inn. He’s got some savings, but we both know we need to wait for another year at least.’
‘That’s a shame...’ Sarah looked at her thoughtfully. She’d been told the governess’s story and it was part of the reason she’d offered her the ride in her chaise. ‘How much more do you need to save?’
‘I suppose a hundred pounds might be enough...’ Hester sighed. ‘If we both save hard this year, we may just manage it, though I contribute very little and it may take much longer.’
She was not a young woman. Sarah felt sympathy for her, because time was passing her by and her youth was fading. It was so ironic that Hester should be longing for marriage, but did not have enough money while she, Sarah Hardcastle, was doing her best to avoid being married because she’d had rather too much of it.
Was her plan too outrageous to have a chance of success? She’d thought about it all the previous night and her stomach was tying itself in knots. No doubt Hester would think she’d run mad.
‘Supposing I offered you two hundred pounds and gave you two of my best dresses in return for your reference from Lady Mary and the gowns you have in your trunk? Would you change places with me? I mean, let me take your place as the governess at Cavendish Park—and you go home to marry your fiancé?’
There, she’d said it out loud. Did it sound as mad as she imagined?
Hester was staring at her in bewilderment. ‘What did you say, miss? I don’t think I heard right.’
‘I offered you two hundred pounds to let me have some of your clothes and the reference Lady Mary gave you. You can do what you wish with the money.’
‘You want to be a governess? Why?’ Hester was stunned. ‘You’re a rich young woman, Miss Hardcastle. Why would you wish to be a governess?’
‘I need to disappear for a while and it seems an ideal situation to me. Your employer has never seen you. The girl is almost seventeen so will be easy to manage and the boy is going to college in six months—so how could I go wrong? My tutors considered me a bright pupil. I imagine I can teach the boy mathematics and geography and the girl music, literature, French, Latin, drawing and dancing. What more does she need to know?’
‘Nothing, I shouldn’t think,’ Hester said, but looked anxious. ‘I don’t know what to say, miss—it doesn’t seem right. We should be deceiving my employer...’
‘But if he didn’t even bother to interview you he can’t be that bothered about his grandchildren. All he wants is to keep them out of his hair—and I can do that as easily as you.’