Crazy For You

"Julie, how do you want to make out with Hot Alan dressed like that?” Jo asks me, very serious.

I let go of a laugh in the middle of the mall.

"Does he go by a new nickname now? Who says I want to make out with Alan?”

"Little girl, if you don't go for him, I'll slap your face! He's going mad, freaking crazy to play guitar on your seductive body.”

George moves his hands, as if describing a body in the form of a musical instrument. I roll my eyes.

"For God's sake, George! You sometimes vent out such goofy stuff! He doesn't want to touch anything. That was just a stage scene!”

George's mouth opens like I told him there's no Santa Claus.

"What?! You really think that was a stage scene? My dear, I know the look of a male very well when he’s getting ready to take his prey. Hot Alan wants you bad and you should want him too, because he's soooo hot!”

"But, George...”

"If you come up with the story that you love Danny Boy, I won't listen anymore.

Little girl, you know that I love you. I really wish, from the bottom of my heart, that you would come right with that idiot.” He turns to Jo with an expression of sorrow and squeezes her hand lightly. "No offense, dear.” Jo nods, as if she agreed that her brother is really an idiot. Geoge turns to me and proceeds with his enthusiastic speech. "He's hot, I’ll give you that. But, as an idiot, he scores top marks on a scale of one to five. You've been in love with him for yeaaarss and he doesn't give a damn about you. He can't even see how much you've grown. You need to get someone. Hit the road before you get old, crazy and surrounded by cats!”

"Not full of cats, full of books," I answer, sulking.

"Girlfriend, George is right. You deserve to find someone to love you. I really wanted it to be my brother, but after all this time...”

I hear the words of my two best friends and my eyes fill up with tears.

I know they're right. I just think it's so unfair. My life was anything but easy... As much as the Stewarts may have given me all the love in the world, losing both parents at the same time is a pain that will never heal in my heart. Though I never complained, moaned or played a victim. I accepted my fate and tried to do everything I could to be happy. The only thing I wanted was the opportunity to show Danny how much I love him.

I keep thinking about last night. I fulfilled my dream of singing. I felt great on stage. I felt alive. Beautiful. Wanted. I remember the rules I set for myself. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and make a decision.

"George? Jo?”

"Yes, little girl.”

"Let's go shopping. It’s time I become a new woman. If, with my new look, I can't get Danny to wake up, at least I’ll get a boyfriend. I don't want to become a crazy old woman, alone and full of cats.”

“Now you’re talking!” George claps while he speaks. "Are you going to play with Alan's guitar?”

Jo and I burst into laughter. George knows how to cheer us up.

***

The day goes by and George takes us to several different stores. I can't take it anymore. We've bought shorts, blouses and dresses —lots of dresses. He decided that my show look will consist exclusively of items that leave my legs out. Now I have an astonishing amount of ballad dresses, glittering skirts and low-cut blouses. They match shoes so high that if I lose balance and fall, I run the risk of breaking my neck.

"Come on, pussycats. Let's go into this one”, he says, pulling me toward a store. I look up and get stunned to see the sign of a famous lingerie store.

"Friend, what are we going to buy here?”

"Definitely not bread! You need a lingerie that will pick you up.”

Jo looks scared. She's been acting weird. She’s always distracted, and spends all the time exchanging text I just don't know who with.

“Guys, I'm going to pop in quickly to the leather bag store on the second floor. I need to buy a new briefcase.”

"Go, my darling. Anything, just call.”

"But, George...” I am interrupted by the saleswoman who comes close and offers help.

Obviously, George takes over and parts the sexiest pieces from the store. I frown on every item he picks up. I'm not used to so much lace.

An attendant serves us candy and prosecco. We make our toast, and I take my mind off and eat while George seems to be on a war mission.

Forty minutes and a few glasses later, I'm pushed into a fitting room with a pile of panties, bras, corsets and other pieces I don't even know what they're for.

I start trying them out, and the prosecco gets to me, leading me to do a parade in the fitting room. George goes on indicating to the saleswoman the pieces he approves so she can separate them. If we were at Victoria's Secret, I'd say I felt like an Angel so much that I shook my butt back and forth.

While I take a look at a corset, George mutters something to the saleswoman, who returns a few minutes later with a pile of sweaters and babydolls.

“I don’t need pajamas, George!”

“Of course not.” That’s not pajamas. You're going to throw away those garbage you sleep with and start sleeping like a diva.

Immediately, I remember the countless times Daniel showed up at the house first thing in the morning for coffee and I was wearing one of my cartoon T-shirts.

I break into a smile as I picture his face when he sees me in a black sweater like that.

I tried all the pieces and bought things that, if it wasn't for prosecco, I would never have agreed to try. I'm not much of a drinker because, with my size, anything knocks me down. However, the drink makes my head lighter and, apparently, my hand much more open as my credit card can tell!

"George?”

"What is it, little girl?”

“I'm drunk. I need to eat something.”

George laughs and takes me to a restaurant in the food court. As we sit down, he calls Jo.

“Where did this girl end up? We spent two hours buying lingerie, long enough for you to get drunk, and she's still picking out a briefcase?”

"She's been weird...”, I say it with a little smile on my face.

"She’s not picking up. I'm going to text her.”

I stretch my neck to see George type:

George: Beloved, where are you? We're at that restaurant you love. Julie's drunk on prosecco and needs to eat something before she devours the hot waiter attending us. <3 ;)

Damn it! Did he notice I'm drooling over the waiter who came to serve us water? I look again at the cellphone screen and smile at the many happy faces in the message. I love getting messages from George. They're always full of fun stickers and emojis.

A shadow draws close to me. I look up and I see the hot waiter. Yummy yummy.

We're almost halfway through lunch - and I'm already much less affected by the drink - when Jo arrives with a guilty face.

"Friend, where were you? You missed all the fun!”

"I went to the bank," she looks away as she speaks, as if she were... embarrassed. George doesn't let go.

"Jo, my angel, three and a half hours to go to the bank? You walked out the door of the lingerie store saying you were going to buy a briefcase and you come back saying you were at the bank. You went to dance the Macarena on the manager's desk?”

I spit some of the soda on George. It's really funny to imagine Jo, a very serious lawyer, dancing like Psy on a table.

"Argh, Julie. Not again!

"I'm sorry," I say, wiping it with the napkin. "But it's your fault, you say these things while I'm drinking.

Jo's still quiet, looking at the menu. George and I exchange glances.

"Aren't you going to tell us what's going on, Jo?” George sniffs. "I thought we were best friends. I really feel so devastated by your attitude. Julie and I tell you everything, and what do you give back in return?” He looks at me and takes his hand to his chest before looking back at her. "You ignore us and push us away from your life. It's too much for a poor heart, you know?”

I support his words, holding George's hand and patting it lightly. Jo looks at us, raises an eyebrow holding a look on her face like she can’t believe what she’s seeing, and becomes the lawyer in the courtroom.

"You're taking it way over the top, George. I went to three stores to look for a new briefcase because mine looks terrible, but I didn't like any. Then I went to the bank to make some payments. I ran into a lawyer on the way and we chatted for half an hour. If you still want to measure my time, I stopped about ten minutes to pee and came to meet you.”

"I don't know why, but you didn't convince me," George says, looking at me. "But it's okay, I'm going to let it go. I'm going to respect your moment.”

***

We left the restaurant and made a stop at Starbucks. A cup of coffee is gonna go down really well to remove the rest of my hangover. Reminder: never drink more than two glasses! While we wait for the barista to call our names, Jo takes her Kindle out of the bag and starts reading.

"Which one are you reading now?”, I ask, stretching to see.

“A reason to dream, from Jennifer Van Wyk”, she smiles at me.

"Ohhh... Captain James...” George and I sighed at the same time.

"Have you read? It can’t be! You didn't even wait for me”, she looks at both of us, pouting.

"Jo, my dear, I'm sorry, but I could never leave Captain James waiting for me," George replies, and we both laughed.

The three of us love reading, and we're always exchanging reading tips.

At this time, our names are called.

We stand up to get our cappuccinos when I hear behind me:

"Well, well. What a delicious surprise. Juliette, the hottest singer of the moment.”

I turn around and meet Alan.

"Alan! Hey, what a surprise.” I approach to kiss him on the face. Wow, how nice he smells and... Ops! How cheeky! He turned his face and almost kissed my mouth! I push away a little, but he pulls me hard and whispers in my ear.

"Babe, this time was on the edge of the mouth, but next time, you won't escape me.”

Oh my God! I'm sure I'm red as a chili.

"Did you know that our duet has become a hit on YouTube? There’s already been a staggering number of views. I talked to Rafe today, and he told me that a critic is going to After Dark on Friday to meet us. Cool, huh?”

"Wow, Alan! That's great news!” I answer as he passes his arm by my waist and pulls me against him. He squeezes me hard and I feel protected in his arms. All right, he's not as strong as Danny. He has a thin structure, yet he’s still muscular. I try to get away, but he squeezes me a little more.

"I love your spontaneity. And perfume”, he says and licks my neck. I hop off him stepping away slightly.

"Well, Alan... It's really great news. We need to go, don't we, George?” I look at George, who is standing still with our cappuccinos in hand and open-mouthed. I look at Alan again. “It was good to see you. E-mail me the songs you guys want to play on Friday!”

He looks at me with a mischievous smile and nods.

"Sure, pretty girl. I'll send it over. And Friday, you're going to be mine.”

I grab my glass from George's hand, give a wry smile and go out dragging my two friends behind me. After climbing the escalators to the fourth floor of the parking lot as if being chased by the ten plagues of Egypt, George stop me, laughing in my face.

"Well, well, well. What was that?”

"What?” I ask, trying to talk my way out of it, but my tone comes out a little louder than I intended.

"He licked you! Jo, did you see that? A lick on the neck!”

“Of course I did.”

"Me, if I were her, I would have licked him in full, every inch. And I'm sure that in some places, he has several centimeters!”

“George!”

"Whoa, I'm just telling you the truth. You're red.”

"What? No, I'm not!”

"Yes, you are. Jo, how does she look?”

"On fire!” my friend replies, looking at me. They burst out laughing.

I turn around and go to the parking lot, with the two of them laughing their heads off behind me. I have to go home. Now. Take a shower.

A very cold one.

Chapter seven

Julie

After the shopping marathon, my week was pretty quiet. I rehearsed quite a lot the setlist of the show on the stage of After Dark that we would present on Friday. Daniel hadn't come back from the business trip yet, which reassured me. Rafe said he should only really come back on Saturday and didn't bring up any obstacle for me to rehearse at the bar. As they say, as soon as the cats get out, the rats throw the party!

Finally Friday arrived. In the afternoon, Jo and I go to a salon near After Dark to fix the hair and get the nails done.

I put on denim shorts and a loose blouse that falls on the shoulder leaving it exposed. On the feet, flat sandals. I let my hair down, even though I can't fix it the way George did.

Yet. Learning to groom myself is among one of my goals for the next few weeks. I hold the makeup case and apply mask on the eyelashes and a gloss.

When I finish, I look closely in the mirror and feel different. It's not just the clothes or the loose hair. It's like there's a different glow in my eyes. A greater awareness of who and what I am, and the certainty that I need to make changes to my life.

The loss of my parents in childhood was a huge impact on my life. The longing and sadness of not having them by my side knows no limit, of course. But more than that, the feeling of being alone in the world, of not having any blood bond with anyone else —even with the Stewarts being amazing people—and losing the key life references that a child may have inevitably influenced me to become the person I am today. Yes, I'm proud of myself, but I'm also fully aware that I need to work on my self-esteem.

As I look towards my reflection in the mirror, I see the face of a person eager for a life change. Of a woman reaching her maturity and achievement. And that awareness makes me feel safer.

With a sigh, I pick up my cell phone and call an Uber to go to Mary and Paul's. I arranged with Jo to have coffee there before we went to the salon.

In the car, I hear my stomach growling and I can barely contain a little smile. I didn’t eat anything beforehand, as Mary is one of those mothers who makes a point of feeding the family. And when I say feeding, I mean really stuffing up. It takes a 14-hour fast to be able to cope with your following breakfast. I don't know how none of us had problems with hormones in our teens.

As soon as I get out of the Uber I see Paul, who's already at the door waiting for me. I run up to him and he gives me a super hug.

"Julie, it’s been so long! We missed you.”

"Me too, Paul," I speak with a smile on my face, showing all the affection I feel for him.

"Let me see you. You’re looking beautiful!”

At this point, Jo comes out of the house and smiles.

"Dad, you didn't see anything. She sang at AD last week. George and I fixed her up and she turned out really hot. She didn't look the same person. Just look at it.”

To my surprise, she opens a picture on her cell phone that I hadn't even seen it had been taken. I recall the exact moment of the photo. I was backstage, next to the guys of the band. George had been kidding with me, talking rubbish, as usual, and I had a big smile. I am surprised by my expression of cheer joy in the photo.

"Jo, you're absolutely right," Paul agrees. "My dear, you look beautiful. Mary's going to be thrilled to see you like this.”

I smile again and hug him once more.

"But, daughters, did Daniel allow it?”

My heart gets warm every time Paul calls us daughters.

"Gee, Paul, that's a long story. Let's go inside and have coffee”, I say, pulling them both into the house.

***

We had a strong coffee made by Mary while we told everything about the show. After stuffing ourselves, Jo makes a sign that it's time to go.

"Oh, no, Jo. Let me stay quiet for a minute. I just wanna roll until I find a bed “, I say, moaning.

"None of that. You better find strength as we have to go to the salon. And we're still going to pick out your outfit”, she replies, pushing me on.

"Julie?” Mary calls me when I'm about to get up from the table. "Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course.” Would she be upset because I sang at AD and disobeyed Daniel?

We walk to the garden, where we can talk privately.

"You know I regard you as a daughter, don't you?”

"Yes, I know.”

"So I'm going to give you some advice your mother would give you.” I nod, feeling curious, but I cannot prevent the tears growing in my eyes.

Just remembering my mother makes me feel a huge grip in my chest. "Although I regard you as a daughter, every day I thank God that you are not. I know about your feelings for Daniel. I see it in your eyes every time someone brings up my son's name, since you were a little girl. And I'm sure you're perfect for him. I wouldn't choose anyone better than you to take care of and love him”, she says, and this time, I can't hold back the tears, like the cheesy one that I am. "My advice to you is: believe in yourself and your potential. Have faith in love. And don't give up.”

I raise my eyebrow as I snuff. She laughs.

"It's not going to be easy. Neither to win your much deserved spot at After Dark, nor my son's heart.

You have a long way ahead”, she squints her eyes. "Do make Daniel suffer a little bit, okay? Not much, I'm his mother and I don't want to see him devastated. It's just that he needs to wake up and understand that life isn't about one woman a day and taking care of the bar. And that you have every right to do whatever you want. To be whoever you want.”

We both laughed as I wipe away the tears, trying to piece myself back together. As we go back to the kitchen, I tell her:

"Mary?”

"Yes, dear?”

“Thank you. I love you.”

She smiles at me.

"I love you more.”

***

To my surprise, Jo marked a spa day for both of us. We start with a relaxing massage, ofuro tub bath and then relaxation with hot stones. I was so relaxed that my body seemed to float. I should have suspected. It was too good to be true.

"Miss Walsh? Tsuki, our beautician, is waiting for you in the waxing room. At the end of the hall on your left.”

"In what room?” I ask, with an open mouth. I'm not so sure I want to go through a torture session.

"Waxing. Your friend scheduled a full waxing session for you.”

I'm gonna kill that bit... Damn it. I cannot swear at Mary, not after today. But still, what Jo did wasn't cool.

I thank the lady and follow her directions. I knock on the door and a short Asian lady welcomes me with a reassuring smile.

"Miss Walsh, welcome. You can take your clothes off behind that screen and put on your robe. When you're ready, lie down on the gurney.”

I go where she indicated and change clothes. Boy, I'm really nervous!

I lie down on the gurney and wait for my torturer, I mean, epilator.

"Rest assured. It won't hurt at all," she says calmly, as if talking to a child.

"All right," I answer, without being able to draw up a complete sentence out of shear fear. "I've never done this before.”

"Let's start the Brazilian waxing, okay?”

"Okay...”, but what is that? It can’t be a good thing. Something seems wrong. I barely finish my thought as she opens my robe and applies the wax. Hold on a minute and...

“OAHHHH!” I scream in pain. Holy shit! She pulled it! I’m gonna kill Jo with the utmost cruelty.

“Madam Tsuki, well done, thank you.”

“No, no, no way. We still have a lot of work,” she pushes me back to the gurney and I just feel like I’ve been condemned to the gallows.

***

I reunite with my ex-best friend again in the manicure room. When she sees me with a red face and walking in a funny sort of way, she starts laughing.

“You can stop laughing. Right now, I hate you.”

“My friend, don’t be like that. This was for your own good. See it as a gift. Next time Alan decides to lick you, he may want to do it somewhere else, right?

“Johanna!” I shout. There. Now I really look like a red bell pepper.

“What! Imagine that you take a chance on him! Even though you still have Danny up there... Gee, I can’t think of my brother licking anybody!”

“Jo! Where did you come up with this stuff? Who’s been licking you around?”

It’s her turn to go purple. Caught red-handed!

“Me? Stop being silly. So one can no longer make a treat for a friend without raising your suspicion.

Sit down as Mimi won't wait for you much longer.”

Mimi takes the cue and leads me to sit in the chair, handing me a suitcase full of colored glazes while she starts with my foot. After much fiddling, I choose a light pink.

"No way! You're not going to put that color on! If I let you paint the nails in pink, George will kill me.

"And what color would the madam suggest I paint my nails?” I ask, frowning.

"Lend me that.” She doesn't even wait. She gets the case out of my hand hard, making Mimi miss and get a steak off my foot. Oh, damn it. "Not this one...Neither that one... No...Here! Perfect!”

She extends a metallic red enamel, almost the color of a love apple.

"But it's so red.”

"Now you’re a new woman. Forget the pink and throw yourself in the red. You're going to look great in tonight’s dress. Don't come fighting, girlfriend. Take it.”

“All right.

I know it’s no use trying to argue.” I sit back on the chair while Mimi takes care of my feet. I try to relax by going over the songs for the show in my mind.

***

Once again and since Danny is away, I use his office as a makeshift dressing room.

This time around, I’m putting on an all-black glittering dress, with a back neckline so deep that I cannot wear a bra. My lingerie is nothing but thong panties in black lace which I bought while shopping with George. He just knew it. I needed a piece of lingerie that took care of my self-esteem.

High sandals and a pair of long earrings complement the look. Once again, my hair is loose, with large curls and the makeup enhances my eyes.

When I finish getting ready, I seize the emptiness of the room and think about my life. I need to toughen up and face Danny or just forget him for good. I know Alan’s very keen, but, though I like him, deep down, the guitar man of The Band doesn’t arouse that sort of feeling in me. Without mentioning that he’s even more of a womanizer than Daniel. The amount of women holding on for him at the end of each show is ridiculous.

I walk about the room, looking at the photos on the shelves, and I find a photo of us, when I was sixteen years old and Danny, nineteen. He was already quite tall at the time. It was when he came back from college for his first summer vacation. I spent the whole month stuck upon him like a piece of gum. He seemed to be happy with my presence. He kept hugging and cuddling me. Back then, I really thought something else was bound to happen. However, suddenly, he changed. He got more serious, farther and more... protecting, I think. I don't know what happened that summer, but something had changed in Danny's behavior toward me.