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She straightened her shoulders. “I don’t have to follow your orders. You’re Jake’s doctor, not mine.” At his chuckle, she realized he’d baited her on purpose to make her show some kind of animation.
“That might be, but if you’d followed my orders …” He cocked his head to the side in question.
“It must feel good to be a know-it-all.”
“It does have its advantages. Let’s go get a bite to eat.”
“Us?”
“Yeah, us. I eat too. I certainly can’t trust you to see to feeding yourself. Anyway, I like to share a meal with someone when I can. I eat too many dinners alone.”
“That’s hard to believe. You can’t find a nurse to eat with?” She’d never known him to have trouble getting dinner dates. Had he really changed that much?
“I did. You.”
She huffed. “You know what I mean.”
“I do, but I’m pretending I don’t. Come on. Keep me company.”
“I don’t really want to go, but you’re not going to give up until I agree, are you?”
He grinned and shook his head.
She’d consider it payment for him giving her a shoulder to cry on. And she was just too tired, too scared and too emotionally drained to fight him off. Besides, having one meal with Scott wouldn’t change anything between them.
After a long moment she nodded her agreement. “But I’m going to check on Jake first.”
“I never thought any different.” He took her elbow and helped her stand. The pad of his thumb skimmed across the bare skin of her forearm. She shivered and stepped away.
Tugging at the hem of her pink T-shirt, she said, “I’m fine now.”
He remained close as they moved toward the door. Her head seemed to be on straight again, but having Scott so near was making her nerves fire in double time.
What was happening? She’d given up acting like a schoolgirl long ago. Given up on him. She hadn’t needed anyone in a long time, but she’d fallen apart in Scott’s arms. Hannah shook her head to remove lingering feelings of being cherished while in Scott’s embrace. Years ago he’d acted as if he cared, and she’d been crushed. She wouldn’t let it happen again.
Jake was sitting up in the bed, playing with the toy that Scott had given him, when they walked into his cubicle.
“Mommy.” He reached his hand over the rail of his bed.
She took his little hand in hers and placed a quick kiss on the top of it. “Hi, sweetie.”
“Hello, Jake,” Scott said, as he move around to the other side of the bed from Hannah. “While you’re talking to your mom, I’m going to give you a little check. It won’t hurt, I promise.”
Scott slipped two fingers around Jake’s wrist, feeling for his pulse before he stepped to the end of the bed. Pulling the blanket back, Scott placed the tips of two fingers on the top of Jake’s foot to check his dorsalis pedis pulse.
At Scott’s finger skimmed Jake’s skin, her little boy jerked his foot away.
Scott looked up at Jake and smiled. “Do you like to be tickled?”
Jake nodded.
Cupping Jake’s heel, Scott ran a finger down the bottom of Jake’s foot. Her son laughed. Scott’s low rumble of mirth joined Jake’s.
Hannah couldn’t help but smile. Her heart lightened. For the first time all day she believed Jake might get well.
Her laugh drew both males’ attention as if they’d forgotten she was even there.
The overhead lights dimmed.
“It’s time for your mom and me to let you sleep,” Scott said to Jake as he pulled the blanket back over the tiny foot.
Hannah squeezed Jake’s hand and kissed him on the forehead. “I love you, honey.”
Scott nodded to a nurse standing behind her, who she’d not noticed until then. The nurse inserted a needle into Jake’s IV port and emptied the syringe’s contents.
“That should help him sleep,” Scott said as he came to stand beside Hannah. “He’ll have a comfortable night, so don’t worry.”
“Yeah, that’s easier said than done.” Hannah watched Jake’s eyelids droop. When she felt his hand go limp, she placed it on the bed. Pulling the blue hospital blanket up, she tucked Jake in.
The urge to scoop Jake up and take him home to his own bed had never been stronger.
“Come, Hannah,” Scott said in a sympathetic voice. “It’s time to see about yourself. You need to eat.”
As they waited for the elevator to go down to the cafeteria, Scott kept glancing at her. He’d been wonderful with Jake, but he was making her nervous now. Did Scott think she was going to fall into his bed again just because he’d made her son giggle?
She curled her hands together and intertwined her fingers again.
As close as they’d been at one time, they were little more than strangers now. She’d changed, was a mother now, and had been a wife. Maybe Scott had changed too. Relief flowed through her as the elevator doors slid open. Hannah stepped in and stood in a corner. She was glad that Scott chose to stand on the opposite side.
The jerk of the elevator as they dropped to the bottom floor made her grab the rail on the wall.
Scott moved nearer. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
His gaze met hers then moved to her lips and lingered.
Her mouth went hot-summer dry. Her head spun. Had someone turned off the air-conditioning?
The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Scott’s eyes lifted. A smoldering look filled them. Hannah blinked. Gathering her wits, she slipped by him. As she exited, his warm breath ruffled her hair against her cheek.
He followed. “Let’s go to the cafeteria instead of the snack machines. Wednesday is fried chicken day, the best thing they make.”
Scott spoke as if the intense moment in the elevator had never occurred. Had having her back in his life affected him at all? Perhaps it hadn’t.
“I think I’ll just have a BLT and a cup of hot tea,” Hannah said.
“I’m going for the chicken. Find us a table. Tell Lucy at the register that I’ll pay for yours when I come through.”
“I won’t let you do that,” she said as she stepped toward the grill line. “This isn’t a date.”
He held up his hand and grinned. “Okay, okay.”
His boyish smile made her feel like she was sitting in the sun on a spring day, pure bliss. Her heart fluttered. He still had that devastating effect on her.
Don’t stare. Think.
Hannah forced herself to turn around and go to the sandwich line. The mundane business of selecting a sandwich and the physical distance from Scott helped to settle her nerves. She’d moved into the register line when Scott came up behind her. Bending down, he said, “I’m getting yours.”
He was too close. She was too conscious of him. He paid before she could form a protest.
Outside the high arched windows a slow, steady rain began to fall. The water on the concrete walk shimmered in the glow from the security light. The weather reflected her life. Dark, with hints of brightness.
Moving toward the dining area, she selected a table in the center of the room, if only to put a physical object between them as a way to regain her equilibrium. Scott glanced at an available booth and shrugged. His mouth lifted into the beginning of a grin before he took the chair opposite hers.
Hannah concentrated on keeping the bacon between the pieces of toast while Scott ate his fried chicken. It amazed her that after the heated moments earlier they could still manage a comfortable silence between them.
They’d slipped back into that easy place they’d enjoyed when he’d been in medical school.
Cleaning his plate, Scott sat back with a sigh, giving her a quizzical look. “Feel better now you’ve had some food?”
Her heart skipped a beat. He’d caught her staring. “Yes, much. But I do insist on paying for my meal.”
“I owed you for coffee. Anyway, can’t two old friends eat together without fighting over the bill?”
“We’re just acquaintances.” She fiddled with her glass a second before pinning him with a look. “True friends don’t leave without saying a word.”
His lips formed a tight line before he said, “Hannah, I realize you’re still angry with me and I don’t blame you.”
She opened her mouth to speak.
“No, please hear me out. I know you don’t want to go into the past. I appreciate that. You’re having a rough time and I’d like to help if you’ll let me.” He laid a hand over hers, blanketing it.
Her heart thumped faster. She didn’t know how to force her body to be sensible where Scott was concerned.
It would be nice to have someone to lean on. It was tempting to accept his offer, for at least a little while, until she could right her world long enough to think straight. But could Scott be that person, with their past looming between them?
And he was Jake’s doctor.
“I guess we can try.” They’d been friends before, maybe they could be again. She was just too exhausted in spirit and mind to argue. “But you’ll have to earn my friendship and that will be all there is between us. Friendship.” She tugged her hand from beneath his.
The stiffness in his body eased and, with a gentle smile, he said, “I understand.”
With one finger, Hannah circled the salt shaker sitting in the middle of the table. She rolled it from side to side. The base of the glass knocked against the wood.
Scott took the shaker, setting it aside. “I wish I could make the situation with Jake easier for you.”
“I appreciate that.” She gave him a weary smile. “I hate not being able to help care for him. I am his mother and a nurse.”
Scott opened his mouth to speak, but she forestalled him.
“I know. Protocol. I understand it, but don’t like it.”
He laughed softly. “And I understand where you’re coming from. I know that right now it seems like all you’re doing is sitting around, watching and waiting, but once Jake goes to the floor I promise you there’ll be plenty to do. Plenty to learn.”
“I hope I don’t sound too whiny. I’ve been Jake’s sole parent for so long it’s hard to relinquish control. I understand why I’m not allowed to do more but that doesn’t mean my heart accepts it.”
He nodded. “So, do you plan to return to the same position when Jake recovers, or do you want to work elsewhere? Maybe a satellite clinic?”
Hannah leaned back against the chair, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. “I hadn’t thought about doing that. Working at a clinic isn’t a bad idea. The hours are better, and it may be easier to arrange care for Jake if I did.” She sat up again, crossing her arms and leaned on the table. “Have I satisfied all your questions?”
“No, but I’ll save some for another time.” Downing the rest of his drink, he asked, “Are you ready to go? I’ve an early morning and you’ve had a hard day. We both need to get to bed.”
At her surprised look he realized what he’d said. “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right.”
She laughed. “I knew what you meant. Scott, I’m not holding a grudge against you. I got over what happened between us a long time ago. That’s water down the river.”
His blue gaze bored into hers and he said softly, “I wish that wasn’t true.”
Hannah swallowed. Her words weren’t completely honest but she didn’t want him to know that. Truthfully, their night still hung between them, but now wasn’t the time to get into it.
As they left their trays on the cleaning rack Hannah said, “Thank you for the meal. It hit the spot.” She looked up at him. “Even with the questions.”
“You’re welcome. I’d like to make one more start toward earning your friendship by seeing that you get home safely. I’ll get someone to take you home. You don’t need to be driving, but I’m on call and can’t leave.”
“There’s no need.”
“You’re worn out. You need to go home.” “I’m staying here.”
Scott leaned forward. She could see the lines around his eyes, indicating he’d smiled a lot through the years. Probably at all the women he’d seduced. She’d do well to remember that.
“Hannah,” he said earnestly, “you need to rest, which you won’t do here. Wouldn’t you like to sleep in your own bed? Pick up some clean clothes? Take a hot shower?”
He’d known what would get to her. A shower sounded heavenly.
After sighing deeply, she said, “I’ll go. For tonight.” “I know you’d like to see Jake one more time before you leave. I’ll call up and let Jake’s nurse know you’re coming.
While you’re gone I’ll arrange your transportation and meet you in the lobby.”
Hannah made her way through the maze of corridors back to CICU. At a set of automatic doors she spoke into the monitor on the wall and requested entrance into the unit. She’d never been more acutely aware of hospital rules. It was her son in there, and she had to ask permission to see him. As a nurse, she’d never realized how much control she’d had over a patient’s life.
At Jake’s bed, she whispered goodnight to her sleeping child and gave him a kiss.
Her baby … needed … a heart. If not …
She refused to let that thought catch hold.
Scott stood at one side of the lobby, talking on his phone, when Hannah approached a few minutes later. As if he sensed her arrival, he turned and looked at her. He ended the conversation and started forward.
Watching him saunter down the long corridor of the hospital used to be a favorite pastime of hers. She still found it absorbing.
As he approached, he smiled. “Your carriage is waiting.”
Taking her elbow, he ushered her out the sliding glass doors at the front of the hospital. Waiting beside one of the hospital’s vans was a security guard.
“Hannah, this is Oscar. He’s going to be escorting you home.”
The large, toothy man smiled. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Hannah. Climb in.” Oscar opened the door nearest her then went around to the driver’s side.
“I thought I was taking a taxi.”
“Hush and appreciate the ride. Oscar believes he owes me a favor, so this is my way of letting him think he’s paying me back.”
“I’m grateful for the ride, but I don’t understand why you’re going to so much trouble.”
“Let’s just say I need to do it for me more than you. This way everyone wins.” Scott helped her into the van. “You get a safe ride home with someone I trust, and Oscar gets to feel good about what he’s doing. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll keep an eye on Jake and let you know if you’re needed. Trust me.”
Trust him? She’d trusted him one time with her affection and her body. He’d disappointed her. Could she trust him with Jake’s life?
Oscar returned to her house early the next morning to bring her back to the hospital. He informed her that Dr. Mac expected it. Hannah agreed to the service, not wanting to hurt the sweet man’s feelings.
At the hospital, she killed time in the waiting area until she could visit Jake. Her heart skipped when she saw Scott. She stepped toward him, pushing panic away, and asked, “Has something happened to Jake?”
His hand cupped her shoulder. “He’s fine. I’ve spent most of the night in the unit, so I’ve been close by. He was sleeping when I left. You can go back to see him just as soon as shift change is over.”
Hannah released an audible breath.
Scott held out a box of donuts. “I was hoping to find you. I thought you might like these. The ‘Hot’ sign was on.”
“Did you go out especially to get these?”
“Yeah, but the bakery is just a few miles away. I promised the nurses I’d bring them some today. And I remember how crazy you were about them.”
Hannah took the box. “You are really going above and beyond the call of duty on this being-a-friend thing.” She looked up at him. “I really can use one right now. Ah, and they’re still warm. Thanks for remembering.” She brought the box up to her nose and inhaled deeply.
“I remember everything about you.” He smiled, as a pensive look came over his face.
Heat rushed to her cheeks and she avoided his gaze. She didn’t want to be sucked in by his charisma again, but he was making it awfully difficult not to be. “I thought you could use a blast of sugar to keep you going today. I’ve got a couple of minutes before I have to be in surgery. How about sharing those …” he nodded his head toward the box of donuts “… and a cup of coffee with me?”
“Sure, the parents’ lounge has a coffee machine and a table and chairs. How about we go there?”
“Sounds great.” He grinned.
It was still early enough in the day that they had the lounge to themselves. Scott’s bulk filled the small area, making her conscious of how large a man he was, his scent reminding her of being outdoors after a rainstorm.
He sat at the small table after her. Hannah placed the box of donuts in front of him, and grinned as he struggled to work his long legs under the table. He gave up and stretched them out in front of him.
Sharing an intimate breakfast with Scott was something she’d expected to do that morning after they’d made such passionate love. By a twist of fate, instead she was sharing a meal with him years later in a pitifully utilitarian room of a hospital with nothing more than tentative friendship between them. She forced the emerging hurt to one side.
She crossed to the automatic coffee machine and poured two cups of coffee.
“You don’t have to pay?”
“No, this is here for the parents.” She smiled. “Maybe they’d let you get a cup here the next time you’re out of change and I’m not around.”
A disquieted look came over his face for a second, and then he said, “That’s a thought. I’m going to remember this place.”
Placing their cups on the table along with some napkins, Hannah took a chair at the table. She really looked at Scott for the first time that morning. Absorbed his appearance. He looked incredible, even after a night with little sleep. He’d always been intriguing, larger than life, and that hadn’t changed. If anything, he’d become more appealing.
Dressed in jeans that had seen better days and a yellow snug-fitting T-shirt with “Come Paddle with Me” printed in bright red letters across his chest, Scott looked nothing like the white-coated doctor she knew him to be. His hair was a crowd of unruly waves, with a lock falling over his forehead.
Did he still spend his days off kayaking and rafting? He’d loved the water and adventure when he’d been in school. After rounds, he had sometimes come by the nurses’ station and told her a funny story about something that had happened on one of his trips down the river. She’d always looked forward to those stories, because he’d shared them with such flair, making her wish she could go with him some time.
“You’re not dressed like you’re going to work. More like you’re going to the river.”
Somehow the thought that he might not be around for the rest of the day bothered her. What if Jake needed him?
His soft laugh filled the room. “These are my spare clothes. I keep them in a locker for nights like last night. Nothing was wrong with Jake.”
Relief filled her. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“You must be getting plenty of time in down the river because you haven’t changed much in the last eight years.”
“Why, thank you for noticing.” He dipped his head in acknowledgement. “I don’t kayak as much as I’d like but that’s where I usually spend my days off.”
“I see your ego is still in good shape.”
“It isn’t as large as you might think,” he said softly.
Had something happened that had damaged his confidence? “Was your night so difficult that you didn’t go home?”
“Not bad, just constant.”
From his causal demeanor, she would have never guessed he’d spent the night at the hospital. “We got a new patient.”
It made her chest tighten to think how the parents of the child must be feeling. Had it just been yesterday morning that she’d been in the same spot?
Scott opened the green and white box containing the donuts and pushed it toward her. “Ladies first.”
Hannah picked out one sugary ring. She took a healthy bite and shoved the box toward him.
“You know what I’ve been doing for the last few years—how about you?” He picked out a chocolate-covered one.
Hannah didn’t want to talk about the last few years. The future was what she was interested in, one where Jake was better and at home. She’d tell Scott the bare facts to satisfy him, and hope he’d leave the subject alone.
“Well, since we worked together I received my MBA in nursing, got married, got pregnant, got divorced and moved to Atlanta after getting a job at Fulton Medical. And here I am.” She raised her hands in the air in a dramatic pose.
That sounded like a well-rehearsed litany of events, even to her ears.
“Have you tried to contact his father since Jake was listed? I’d want to know if my son needed a transplant.” “No.” The word came out jagged and tart. “Why?”
Yes, why? Why wouldn’t he leave it alone? “He wouldn’t be interested.” She couldn’t conceal her bitterness.
“Why not?”
Hannah took her time finishing the bite of donut she’d just taken before she said, “He left us.” She paused. “I shouldn’t have married him to begin with. I think I just fell in love with the idea of being married. For him, I think his mother thought I could settle him down. By the time I realized we had no business being married, I was pregnant. Turns out I didn’t have to leave him. He packed his bags and was gone. I found out later he already had someone else by then.”
Scott’s harsh, crude words filled the space between them.
“I couldn’t agree with you more. He wasn’t too sure about having children to begin with and when Jake was born with a heart problem he couldn’t get past the idea that his child wasn’t perfect. His answer was to run.” She made it sound like she was giving a statement to a newspaper reporter. Just the facts. “Anyway, I have Jake, and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He’s my life. All I’ve got. I won’t lose him too.”
“We’ll do our best to get Jake out of here soon.”
“I sure hope so.” She picked out another donut. Her eyes closed in delight as she took the first bite out of it.
“Like these, do ya?” The words were filled with Scott’s mirth.
She opened her eyes and nodded as she licked the sticky sweetness from her upper lip, and began to flick away the grains of sugar that had fallen on her chest.
Scott’s laughter stopped as his eyes followed her movements.
An uncharacteristic warmth settled over her. The fine hairs at the nape of her neck stood as straight as corn on her granddaddy’s farm. She tried to concentrate on what she was doing. Seconds ticked by.
His gaze rose and locked with hers, held.
Scott’s pupils had widened and darkened, giving him the intent look of a predator. Suddenly, the light button-down top she wore seemed heavy and hot against her skin.
Mercy, she was in over her head. He could still do it to her. She placed her donut on a napkin and stood. “Um, I think I need some cream for my coffee. Can I get you some?”
She needed to move away from him, get out of the room, but she had to pass Scott to do so. His intense look still clung to her.
“It hurts you don’t remember I take my coffee black,” he said in the indulgent voice of a man who knew she was trying to escape and why.
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