A Cry In The Night
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“I’m sure they’ll find him.” The man eyed Buzz over Kelly’s shoulder, taking his measure much the same way a contender did in the minutes before a boxing match.
Buzz stared back with his best bad-cop glare, wondering if it would be considered politically incorrect of him to wipe that superior expression off the other man’s face with his fist. Buzz wasn’t a fan of politically correct.
Never taking his eyes from Buzz’s, the man lowered his hand to the small of Kelly’s back in a silent message that wasn’t lost on Buzz.
She’s mine.
“You holding up okay?” the man asked her.
“I’m all right,” she said. “I just need to find him.”
“You’re cut—”
“It’s nothing.”
Buzz refused to identify the brutal twist of emotion in his gut. He was not a jealous man. Never had been. Hell, he wasn’t even possessive. Not that he had a right to be in the first place. He and Kelly were through. She was free to see whomever she chose. Just because Buzz had never quite reconciled himself to the fact that their divorce meant things were over between them for good didn’t mean he was going to let the possibility that she was having a relationship with this bespectacled corporate jerk cloud his judgment.
Easing back from the man, Kelly turned to Buzz. “Taylor, this is Buzz Malone.”
The other man stuck out his hand. “Taylor Quelhorst. Glad to meet you.”
Buzz hesitated an instant before accepting the handshake. If the other man knew Buzz was the father of the child in question, he gave no indication.
“You’re a retired policeman.” Taylor squeezed Buzz’s hand.
Buzz squeezed back. “Ex-detective.”
“Buzz and I are going to hike the trail where Eddie was lost,” Kelly said.
Taylor released Buzz’s hand abruptly and gave her a sharp look. “I was planning to take you back to the motel where I’m staying.”
“No. All my things are here. You go. I’m going to join the search.”
“Well, then, I’ll go with you.”
“You don’t have any gear,” Buzz cut in, then motioned toward Taylor’s Italian loafers. “You’d just slow us down.”
The other man’s annoyed gaze swept from Kelly to Buzz, and then back to Kelly. “Do you want me to go—?”
“No, I want you to go back to the motel,” she said firmly. “Make sure the rangers and sheriff’s department have the number there, so they know how to reach you.”
“They do.”
“All right.” Pulling away from him, she sighed. “You’ve got my cell number. Please, call me the instant you hear anything.” Her eyes intensified. “Anything.”
“You got it.” Leaning forward, he kissed her gently on the cheek.
Unwilling to witness any more of the exchange, Buzz turned away and started toward a couple of sheriff’s deputies holding a thermos of what he hoped was coffee. He might be divorced from Kelly, he might even be fine with it, but he sure as hell didn’t like seeing another man put his hands on her.
A moment later, Kelly drew up beside him. “All right. I’m ready. Let’s go.”
All too aware that he was annoyed as hell and his heart rate was up to a dangerous level, Buzz risked a look at her, but he didn’t slow down. “You finished with Mr. Corporate America?”
“His name is Taylor Quelhorst, and he’s my boss.”
“Seems friendly.”
“We’re friends. He cares for Eddie.”
“I’ll bet.”
Buzz stopped walking on reaching the two deputies. Setting his pack on the ground, he offered his hand. “I’m Buzz Malone with RMSAR.”
A young, muscle-bound deputy grinned and shook his hand enthusiastically. “You guys found that lost Boy Scout last summer. Good going. We’re glad to have you here.”
“This is the lost boy’s mother, Kelly. What’s the stat?”
After introductions were made, one of the deputies poured coffee from a thermos and handed a cup to Kelly, another one to Buzz. The other young man updated Buzz and Kelly on the search. “No sign of the subject yet. Someone reported tracks up on Cougar Ridge, but they didn’t pan out. We’ve had so many volunteers, the area is pretty trampled. Most of the volunteers have gone home for the night, but they’ll be back first light. What are you folks going to do?”
“We’re going to hike up to the site where the child was initially lost.”
Grimacing, the deputy glanced down at Kelly. “You sure you want to do that in the dark? You can’t see much. You’ll have a better chance of spotting him tomorrow if you’re fresh.”
Buzz knew the deputy was experienced enough to know that many times the parents of lost children exhausted themselves early and then weren’t much good to anyone—including the child—thereafter. What he didn’t know was that Buzz intended to make sure Kelly got some rest tonight whether they were on the trail or not.
“I’ve got a halogen spotlight and a whistle.” Buzz finished his coffee and passed the empty cup back to the deputy.
“That’ll help.” The deputy collected Kelly’s cup as well. “You got a radio with you?” he asked Buzz.
“VHS. What frequency are you guys using?”
“Emergency channel 16. All agencies involved.”
“Got it.”
“You folks be careful.”
Hefting his pack, Buzz slipped it over his shoulders and started toward the darkened trail. Kelly had to trot to keep up with his long stride.
“I don’t have a pack,” she said.
“I’ve got everything we need in mine.”
“I didn’t know you had a whistle,” she said. “That’s a good idea. I wish I’d thought of it.”
“I do this for a living now, remember?”
She didn’t answer, but Buzz knew what she was thinking. The way he made his living had been another point of contention between them—they’d had a lot of those when they’d been married. Early in their relationship, the love between them had been so strong it didn’t matter that he was a cop and spent his days wrestling with armed criminals who wouldn’t think twice about capping a cop. But the dangers of his job had taken a heavy toll on their marriage.
After the shooting, Kelly had made it clear she could no longer take the pressures of being a cop’s wife. With a bullet lodged mere millimeters from his spinal cord, Buzz hadn’t been able to go back to active duty. The department had offered him a desk job, but the position held little appeal. Kelly had wanted him to take the corporate security job that had been offered to him by an established firm out of Denver. But the thought of sitting behind a desk all day, devising ways to keep employees from stealing pencils was about as exciting as his own funeral. When the team-leader position with Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue had become available, Buzz had jumped at the opportunity. That had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.
Buzz had never fully understood why she hadn’t been able to accept his need to be on the front line. He suspected her father had a lot to do with it. Buzz had never met Jack McKee, but the man was a legend. He’d been a smoke jumper back in the early 1980s. A breed of man who lived for the rush and the heady taste of danger that came with putting his life on the line. They’d called him Jumpin’ Jack Flash back then. He’d been the best of the best. Courageous. Daring. Kelly would have been about fifteen when he’d died. Buzz didn’t know the details, but he’d heard that McKee’s chopper went down on the front line of a forest fire. Her brother had been on board too. Both men had perished.
Knowing what he did about her father and brother, Buzz figured Kelly deserved a man who didn’t like gambling with fate. The worry and sleepless nights had torn her apart during their marriage. When she’d asked for a divorce, he hadn’t contested it. He’d let her go, first, because he couldn’t stand to hurt her, second, simply because she’d wanted to go. She wanted him to change, but Buzz hadn’t been able to stop being who he was no matter how much he loved her.
He’d moved on with his life, but there had been no other women. No woman would ever come close to touching him the way Kelly had. Buzz knew no other woman ever would.
Even frightened and disheveled with a cut on her temple and pain in her heart, Kelly was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. That was a hell of a thing for him to be noticing at a time like this.
No, it wasn’t a comforting thought at all to realize that the divorce hadn’t diminished his attraction to her. They might be compatible when it came to the bedroom, but all compatibility ended there. Sex was the only facet of their marriage that they’d agreed upon unequivocally. It hadn’t been enough.
With a long night stretching out ahead of them, Buzz figured he would be wise to keep that in mind.
Chapter 3
“This way.”
The sound of Kelly’s voice jerked him from his reverie. Buzz’s flashlight illuminated a fork in the trail. Kelly motioned left. “How far are we from where you fell?” he asked.
“Maybe another quarter mile or so.”
“This was a long hike for a young kid.”
“He’s a bundle of energy, Buzz. I know him. I know his physical capabilities, and I know what he likes. He’s always been fascinated by the outdoors. Trails. Camping. Animal tracks. Even flowers. We were having so much fun, I just didn’t realize how….” Her voice trailed off.
Buzz practically felt the rise of guilt. “I didn’t mean to imply that this is your fault, Kel.”
“I know. I just…if I’d just used my head, none of this would have happened.”
“You know what they say about hindsight being twenty-twenty.”
She shot him a grateful look. “Yeah.”
They walked in silence for a while, the only sound coming from their feet on the trail and heavy breathing. “Do you know the tread pattern on his sneakers?” Buzz asked.
“The deputy said the tracks had been—”
“You never know when you might get lucky.”
She didn’t hesitate. “Small circles with an arrow pointing toward the toe.”
“That ought to be easy enough to spot.”
“I didn’t see any when I looked, but I was pretty frantic. I could have missed something.”
Buzz tried to approach this mission with the same emotionless determination with which he approached other missions, but the cool objectivity he’d always been able to achieve eluded him. He couldn’t stop thinking that it was his son out there this time. A little boy who was too young to keep himself safe. A child who still carried his stuffed animal with him.
“This is the place.”
Buzz halted. Kelly stood a couple of feet away, her breath puffing out in a thin white cloud. The night had grown cool. A preschooler with nothing but a light jacket to keep him warm would be cold.
Dropping his pack to the ground, Buzz dug the whistle out of his jeans pocket and blew into it twice in quick succession.
“Eddie!” Kelly turned in a circle, looking out into the surrounding darkness. “Honey, it’s Mommy!”
Putting the whistle back in his pocket, Buzz put his finger to his lips. “Quiet, Kel. The whistle carries farther than a voice. Let’s just listen a moment, and see if we get a response.”
She nodded, then stood motionless and stared into the surrounding darkness. For a full two minutes, Buzz listened to the chirping of crickets, the call of an occasional night bird, the crack of a twig beneath the weight of a fat raccoon, the rustle of an owl’s wings as it swooped down to pluck an unsuspecting mouse from the grass.
“Exactly where did you fall?” Buzz asked.
“To your left. Eddie dropped Bunky Bear down the ravine. He’s had that bear since he was born, and he was upset.”
“Don’t tell me you went after it.”
“The bear fell only a few feet down.”
Shining the light down the incline, Buzz frowned. It was steep and rugged, but not vertical. “You should have known better than to try something like that without a partner.”
“I thought I could get to it, then get right back up. But I grabbed a branch. The branch broke….” She shrugged. “Well, there’s that hindsight thing again.”
Buzz knew all too well about hindsight.
“I’m going to go down there and have a look around,” he said.
“Buzz, what did you just tell me?”
“I’ve got an adult partner. You.”
“I’m not EMT certified.”
He shot her a small smile. “I’m not a rookie.”
“No, you’re just foolhardy.”
“Same goes, evidently.”
She frowned at him. “I guess I had that coming.”
“You did.” He handed her the spotlight. “Keep the light out of my eyes and on the ground below me so I can see, okay?”
Nodding once, she accepted the spotlight. “Be careful.”
The light flickered over her delicate features like firelight. Her gaze met his, and Buzz felt his heart give a weird little lurch.
Kelly wished he wouldn’t look at her like that. Like the world was at his beck and call, and she was right at the center of that world. She was no longer the idealistic young woman who’d fallen crazy in love with him a lifetime ago. She wasn’t the same woman he’d married. Wasn’t even the same woman he’d divorced. The world had taught her a few things since then. Lessons Kelly wouldn’t ever forget. Lessons that had made her too smart to make the same mistakes all over again.
But looking into his eyes, she believed everything was going to work out. The fierce determination that was so much a part of him, the force of his personality, his inability to take no for an answer. All of those things made her believe they were going to find Eddie unharmed. That was why she was here, she realized. If anyone could find her son, it was Buzz. So she’d come, even though she’d known both of them would pay a price.
Kelly had never been able to pretend when it came to Buzz. The mere power of his gaze wrenched the truth from her no matter how painful, no matter how deeply she tried to lock it away. She knew this was going to change their lives irrevocably. And as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she knew from experience that sometimes things didn’t work out for the better.
Trying not to think of the darker possibilities, she watched him step into the rappel harness and loop the nylon rope through the carabiner, then anchor the end to a sturdy-looking pine. She knew better than to notice the way that harness accentuated his long, muscular thighs and lean hips. But she noticed anyway. And the sight of him, even after all these years, still made her mouth go dry.
“Kel, the spotlight.”
She jumped at the sound of his voice, jerked the light to the steep incline just below him. “Be careful of the rocks,” she said.
“I’m always careful.” Never taking his eyes from hers, he stepped backward toward the ledge. Glancing quickly behind him, he stepped down and disappeared over the edge. She could hear the nylon rope humming through his gloves as he descended, his hiking boots thudding against the rocky face of the ravine. Holding the spotlight steady, she guided him over jagged granite, through juniper and the spindly roots of the occasional pine that clung to the side of the mountain, all the way to the ravine floor thirty feet down.
“I’m in!” came Buzz’s shout a moment later.
The rope went slack and Kelly knew he’d disengaged the rappel harness. She squinted through the darkness. “Do you see anything?” she shouted.
She could hear him breaking through brush. Hope burgeoned until her chest was so tight she couldn’t breathe. Please, God, let my son be down there. Let him be all right.
The need to hold Eddie tight and safe in her arms was an ache so deep she almost cried out with the pain of it. That need twisted inside her now, like a knife, cutting her at the very core of her being. She knew better than to get her hopes up, knew how acute disappointment could be, but her heart kicked hard at the thought of getting him back safe and sound.
“I need for you to put on the harness.”
Kelly started so abruptly at the sound of Buzz’s voice, she nearly dropped the spotlight. She’d been so embroiled in her thoughts, she hadn’t seen him climb back up the ravine wall. One look at his face, and fear snarled like a rabid beast inside her. She tried to shove it down, refusing to give it free rein, but it was a cold, mean fear and clamped over her like a predator’s jaws.
“What is it?” she blurted. “Is he down there? Is he—?”
“Easy, Kel.” Buzz grimaced. “He’s not there. But he was. I almost missed it, but there’s a sneaker print.”
“Are you sure? He was there? But how did he—” She closed her eyes, a strangled sound escaping her. “How did he get down that ravine?”
“Looks like our little guy climbed down.”
“But…it’s so steep. How did he….” Because she didn’t want to think of her son braving such a treacherous climb, she let the words trail.
“Maybe he climbed down to help you.”
The thought of Eddie trekking down that dangerously steep ravine to help her ripped at her, tearing her from the inside out. She’d sworn she wasn’t going to cry or succumb to hysterics, but the thought of her little boy risking his life to help her when she’d been hurt shattered the last of her control.
She put her hand over her mouth to smother a sob. “Oh, God, Buzz. He’s so brave.”
“Easy, Kel. Just take it easy for me, okay?”
“I want him back.”
“I know, honey.”
Kelly closed her eyes tightly against the tears, but they squeezed through her lashes and ran unchecked down her cheeks. The sob that tore from her throat didn’t sound at all like her. Not like Kelly Malone who’d been standing on her own two feet since she was fifteen years old. Not the young girl who’d lost not only her father, but her brother and then spent the rest of her teenaged years taking care of the broken woman who had once been her mother.
But the pain was too great and refused to be bridled. Wrapping her arms around herself, Kelly doubled over, felt a sob wrench from her throat. “Where is he?” she cried.
“Shh. Kel, hey, settle down. I want you to take a deep breath for me, okay?”
She tried to suck in a breath, but all she managed was a keening sound that echoed off the trees like the cries of a dying animal.
“Kel….”
“I want my son.”
“Come here.”
She barely heard the whispered words over the tide of grief within her. But slowly they penetrated the fog of pain, the fear of the unknown, and registered in her brain. Come here. An offer of comfort when she desperately needed it. She knew what it was like to be wrapped within those strong arms. To have that gentle voice reassure her. For those hands to caress away her pain and fear. She knew better than to give in to that kind of temptation. But Kelly was tired of being strong. Tired of being alone. For a little while, she wanted to step into that strong embrace and just be held.
Buzz took the decision away from her. Without bothering to remove his rappelling harness, he reached for her. Strong hands closed around her arms and pulled her to him. Kelly started to protest, but he shushed her gently. She didn’t remember falling against him. Or wrapping her arms around those rock-solid shoulders. She knew getting close like this was dangerous business, that she should pull away. But the next thing she knew he was holding her close, molding her body to his and she was helpless to resist. All the while the scent of his aftershave curled around her brain, reminding her of how right it had once felt to be wrapped within this man’s embrace.
“I need him back, Buzz. It’s killing me.” She was sobbing now. Wrenching sobs that bubbled up from somewhere deep inside her where the pain was unbearable and her body and heart could no longer contain it.
“We’ll get him back.”
“He’s everything to me.”
“Shh. We’ll find him.” Gently, he stroked the back of her head. “Let it out, honey. Just cry it out. I’ve got you.”
Kelly didn’t want to cry. Not again. But the pain had been hammering at her for nearly six hours now. The element of the unknown beckoned her beleaguered mind to conjure unspeakable possibilities. She simply couldn’t bear it if something terrible happened to her little boy.
“Promise me we’re going to find him,” she whispered. “Please, promise me.”
“Kel—”
“Say it,” she said fiercely. “I want to hear you say it.”
“I promise. We’ll find him. Just…be still a moment, okay?”
The rush of tears ended as quickly as it had descended. In its wake, Kelly felt calmer. Still afraid, but somehow stronger. Purged.
“Better?” Buzz asked.
She wasn’t sure why the question embarrassed her, but it did. Kelly wasn’t a helpless female, couldn’t bear for this strong man to think of her that way. “I didn’t mean for that to happen,” she said. “I don’t usually have emotional meltdowns.”
“Considering the circumstances, I won’t hold it against you.”
Tilting her head back just enough to look at him, she smiled thinly. “I appreciate that.”
“You’ve been holding it together remarkably well. You’re doing just fine.”
Only then did she realize his arms were still around her, and he was close enough for her to feel the warm brush of his breath against her cheek. Awareness zinged through her. She felt the hard planes of his body against hers, his warmth radiating into her, taking away the chill that had sunk all the way to her bones. He smelled of soap and man and the subtle scent of an aftershave that brought back a jumble of memories she was crazy to think of now.
Realizing she’d nearly trespassed into territory best left alone, she eased away from him. “Where did you see the sneaker print?” she asked.
“At the base of the ravine.”
“Where do you think he went?”
Buzz studied her intently in the ribbon of light cast by his flashlight. “I don’t think he climbed back up that wall.”
The words registered slowly. Kelly’s pulse spiked, and she took another step back. “Do you think the volunteers that came through earlier missed him?”
“Maybe. Boulder SAR is a relatively new outfit. A lot of the guys are rookies. Lots of energy and training, but they lack experience.”
A starburst of hope exploded in her heart. “They didn’t look in that ravine, did they?”
“Maybe not.”
“I need to go down there.”
“All I’ve got with me is a light tactical harness. It’s pretty basic; nothing fancy. Think you can rappel down?”
It didn’t matter if she remembered how to rappel or not. Come hell or high water she was going down there. She just wouldn’t tell him she hadn’t touched a rappelling harness since they’d scaled Deep River Gorge together over six years ago. She knew him too well to tell the truth. “Of course I can.”
“The harness is minimal. Lightweight. Think you can handle it?”
She nodded, already reaching for the harness and stepping into it. “No problem.”
Reaching around her, he looped the rope through the caribiner and doubled it back over the pine tree. “I’ll spot you from up here. Keep the light on you.”
“Okay.”
“When you reach the ravine floor, unharness yourself and I’ll pull it up and meet you down there.”
Impatient now, Kelly walked over to the edge of the ravine and looked over her shoulder at the darkness below.
“You sure you’re okay with this?” Buzz asked. “If you’re not, we can rig something and go down together.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Just keep a grip on that rope.” He plucked off his leather gloves and handed them to her. “Use these.”
Kelly put the gloves on, gripped the rope the way he’d taught her all those years ago, then turned to face him. “I’m ready.”
“Trust your equipment, Kel. Feel your way down with your feet. Trust the rope.”
“Okay, okay,” she said impatiently. “Let’s go.”
But for all her bravado and the heady rush of newfound hope, her legs were shaking. When she’d fallen earlier in the day, the fall had seemed endless. Her body remembered every rock and every broken root that had punched her on the way down. Knowing she was about to descend the very same ravine with nothing more than a nylon rope and the vague memory of a previous rappelling experience to back her was unnerving. But the fear of falling was nothing compared to the fear of never seeing her son again. She had to do this.