Jack Hinton: The Guardsman

The Castle clock struck two. I started up, somewhat ashamed of myself at not having complied with O’Grady’s advice, and at once threw myself on my bed, and fell sound asleep. Some confused impression upon my mind of a threatened calamity gave a gloomy character to all my dreams, and more than once I awoke with a sudden start and looked about me. The flickering and uncertain glare of the dying embers threw strange goblin shapes upon the wall and on the old oak floor. The window-curtains waved mournfully to and fro, as the sighing night wind pierced the openings of the worn casements, adding, by some unknown sympathy, to my gloom and depression; and although I quickly rallied myself from these foolish fancies, and again sank into slumber, it was always again to wake with the same unpleasant impressions, and with the same sights and sounds about me. Towards morning, however, I fell into a deep, unbroken sleep, from which I was awakened by the noise of some one rudely drawing my curtains. I looked up, as I rubbed my eyes: it was Corny Delany, who, with a mahogany box under his arm, and a little bag in his hand, stood eyeing me with a look, in which his habitual ill-temper was dashed with a slight mixture of scorn and pity.

‘So you are awake at last!’ said he; ‘‘faith, and you sleep sound, and’ – this he muttered between his teeth – ‘and maybe it’s sounder you’ll sleep to-morrow night! The Captain bid me call you at seven o’clock, and it’s near eight now. That blaguard of a servant of yours wouldn’t get up to open the door till I made a cry of fire outside, and puffed a few mouthfuls of smoke through the keyhole!’

‘Well done, Corny! But where’s the Captain?’ ‘Where is he? Sorrow one o’me knows! Maybe at the watch-house, maybe in George’s Street barrack, maybe in the streets, maybe – Och, troth! there’s many a place he might be, and good enough for him any of them. Them’s the tools, well oiled; I put flints in them.’

‘And what have you got in the bag, Corny?’

‘Maybe you’ll see time enough. It’s the lint, the sticking-plaster and the bandages, and the turn-an’-twist.’ This, be it known, was the Delany for tourniquet. ‘And, ‘faith, it’s a queer use to put the same bag to; his honour the judge had it made to carry his notes in. Ugh, ugh, ugh! a bloody little bag it always was! Many’s the time I seen the poor craytures in the dock have to hould on by the spikes, when they’d see him put his hands in it! It’s not lucky, the same bag! Will you have some brandy-and-water, and a bit of dry toast? It’s what the Captain always gives them the first time they go out. When they’re used to it, a cup of chocolate with a spoonful of whisky is a fine thing for the hand.’

I could scarce restrain a smile at the notion of dieting a man for a duel, though, I confess, there seemed something excessively bloodthirsty about it. However, resolved to give Corny a favourable impression of my coolness, I said, ‘Let me have the chocolate and a couple of eggs.’

He gave a grin a demon might have envied, as he muttered to himself, ‘He wants to try and die game, ugh, ugh!’ With these words he waddled out of the room to prepare my breakfast, his alacrity certainly increased by the circumstance in which he was employed.

No sooner was I alone than I opened the pistol-case to examine the weapons. They were, doubtless, good ones; but a ruder, more ill-fashioned, clumsy pair it would be impossible to conceive. The stock, which extended nearly to the end of the barrel, was notched with grooves for the fingers to fit in, the whole terminating in an uncouth knob, inlaid with small pieces of silver, which at first I imagined were purely ornamental On looking closer, however, I perceived that each of them contained a name and a date, with an ominous phrase beneath, which ran thus: ‘Killed!‘or thus: ‘Wounded!’

‘Egad,’ thought I, ‘they are certainly the coolest people in the world in this island, and have the strangest notions withal of cheering a man’s courage!’

It was growing late, meanwhile; so that without further loss of time I sprang out of bed, and set about dressing, huddling my papers and Julia’s portrait into my writing-desk. I threw into the fire a few letters, and was looking about my room lest anything should have escaped me, when suddenly the quick movement of horses’ feet on the pavement beneath drew me to the window. As I looked out, I could just catch a glimpse of O’Grady’s figure as he sprang from a high tandem; I then heard his foot as he mounted the stairs, and the next moment he was knocking at my door. ‘Holloa!’ cried he, ‘by Jove, I have had a night of it! Help me off with the coat, Jack, and order breakfast, with any number of mutton-chops you please; I never felt so voracious in my life. Early rising must be a bad thing for the health, if it makes a man’s appetite so painful.’

While I was giving my necessary directions, O’Grady stirred up the fire, drew his chair close to it, and planting his feet upon the fender, and expanding his hands before the blaze, called out —

‘Yes, yes, quite right – cold ham and a devilled drumstick by all means; the mulled claret must have nothing but cloves and a slice of pine-apple in it; and, mind, don’t let them fry the kidneys in champagne; they are fifty times better in moselle: we’ll have the champagne au naturel, There, now, shut the door; there’s a confounded current of air comes up that cold staircase. So, come over, my boy; let me give you all the news, and to begin: —

‘After I parted with you, I went over to De Vere’s quarters, and heard that he had just changed his clothes and driven over to Clare Street. I followed immediately; but, as ill-luck would have it, he left that just five minutes before, with Watson of the Fifth, who lives in one of the hotels near. This, you know, looked like business; and, as they told me they were to be back in half an hour, I cut into a rubber of whist with Darcy and the rest of them, where, what between losing heavily, and waiting for those fellows, I never got up till half-past four; when I did, it was minus Paul’s cheque, all the loose cash about me, and a bill for one hundred and thirty to Vaughan. Pleasant, all that wasn’t it? Monk, who took my place, told me that Herbert and Watson were gone out together to the park, where I should certainly find them. Off, then, I set for the Phoenix, and, just as I was entering the gate of the Lodge, a chaise covered with portmanteaus and hat-boxes drove past me. I had just time to catch a glimpse of De Vere’s face as the light fell suddenly upon it; I turned as quickly as possible, and gave chase down Barrack Street. We flew, he leading, and I endeavouring to keep up; but my poor hack was so done up, between waiting at the club and the sharp drive, that I found we couldn’t keep up the pace. Fortunately, however, a string of coal-cars blocked up Essex Bridge, upon which my friend came to a check, and I also. I jumped out immediately, and running forward, just got up in the nick, as they were once more about to move forward, “Ah, Dudley,” cried I, “I ‘ve had a sharp run for it, but by good fortune have found you at last” I wish you had seen his face as I said these words; he leaned forward in the carriage, so as completely to prevent Watson, who was with him, overhearing what passed?

“May I ask,” said he, endeavouring to get up a little of his habitual coolness; “may I ask, what so very pressing has sent you in pursuit of me?”

‘“Nothing which should cause your present uneasiness,” replied I, in a tone and a look he could not mistake.

‘“Eh – aw! don’t take you exactly; anything gone wrong?”

‘“You ‘ve a capital memory, my lord, when it suits you; pray call it to your aid for a few moments, and it will save us both a deal of trouble. My business with you is on the part of Mr. Hinton, and I have to request you will, at once, refer me to a friend.”

‘“Eh! you want to fight? Is that it? I say, Watson, they want to make a quarrel out of that foolish affair I told you of.”

‘“Is Major Watson your friend on this occasion, my lord?”

‘“No; oh no; that is, I didn’t say – I told Watson how they walked into me for three hundred at Rooney’s. Must confess I deserved it richly for dining among such a set of fellows; and, as I have paid the money and cut the whole concern, I don’t see what more’s expected of me.”

‘“We have very little expectation, my lord, but a slight hope, that you’ll not disgrace the cloth you wear and the profession you follow.”

‘“I say, Watson, do you think I ought to take notice of these words?”

‘“Would your lordship like them stronger?”

‘“One moment, if you please, Captain O’Grady,” said Major Watson, as, opening the door of the chaise, he sprang out. “Lord Dudley de Vere has detailed to me, and of course correctly, the whole of his last night’s proceedings. He has expressed himself as ready and anxious to apologise to your friend for any offence he may have given him – in fact, that their families are in some way connected, and any falling out would be a very unhappy thing between them; and, last of all, Lord Dudley has resigned his appointment as aide-de-camp, and resolved on leaving Ireland; in two hours more he will sail from this. So I trust, that under every circumstance, you will see the propriety of not pressing the affair any further.”

‘“With the apology – ”

‘“That» of course,” said Watson.

‘“I say,” cried Herbert, “we shall be late at the Pigeon-house; it’s half-past seven.”

‘Watson whispered a few words into his ear; he was silent for a second, and a slight crimson flush settled on his cheek.

“‘It won’t do for me if they talk of this afterwards; but tell him – I mean Hinton – that I am sorry; that is, I wish him to forgive – ”

‘“There, there,” said I impatiently, “drive on! that is quite enough!”

‘The next moment the chaise was out of sight, and I leaned against the balustrade of the bridge, with a sick feeling at my heart I never felt before. Vaughan came by at the moment with his tandem, so I made him turn about and set me down; and here I am, my boy, now that my qualmishness has passed off, ready to eat you out of house and home, if the means would only present themselves.’

Here ended O’Gradys narrative, and as breakfast very shortly after made its appearance, our conversation dropped into broken, disjointed sentences; the burden of which, on his part, was that, although no man would deserve more gratitude from the household and the garrison generally than myself for being the means of exporting Lord De Vere, yet that under every view of the case all effort should be made to prevent publicity, and stop the current of scandal such an event was calculated to give rise to in the city.

‘No fear of that, I hope,’ said I.

‘Every fear, my dear boy. We live in a village here: every man hears his friend’s watch tick, and every lady knows what her neighbour paid for her paste diamonds. However, be comforted! your reputation will scarcely stretch across the Channel; and one’s notoriety must have strong claims before it pass the custom-house at Liverpool.’

‘Well, that is something; but hang it, O’Grady, I wish I had had a shot at him.’

‘Of course you do: nothing more natural, and at the same time, if you care for the lady, nothing more mal à propos. Do what you will, her name will be mixed up in the matter; but had it gone further she must have been deeply compromised between you. You are too young, Jack, to understand much of this; but take my word for it – fight about your sister, your aunt, your maternal grandmother, if you like, but never for the girl you are about to marry. It involves a false position to both her and yourself. And now that I am giving advice, just give me another cutlet. I say, Corny, any hot potatoes?’

‘Thim was hot awhile ago,’ said Corny, without taking his hands from his pockets.

‘Well, it is pleasant to know even that. Put that pistol-case back again. Ah! there goes Vaughan; I want a word with him.’

So saying, he sprang up, and hastened downstairs.

‘What did he say I was to do with the pistols?’ said Corny, as he polished the case with the ample cuff of his coat.

‘You are to put them by: we shan’t want them this morning.’

‘And there is to be no devil after all,’ said he with a most fiendish grin. ‘Ugh, ugh! didn’t I know it? Ye’s come from the wrong side of the water for that. It’s little powder ye blaze, for all your talking.’

Taking out one of the pistols as he spoke, he examined the lock for a few minutes patiently, and then muttered to himself: ‘Wasn’t I right to put in the ould flints? The devil a more ye ‘d he doing I guessed nor making a flash in the pan!’

It was rather difficult, even with every allowance for Mr. Delany’s temper, to submit to his insolence patiently. After all, there was nothing better to be done; for Corny was even greater in reply than attack, and any rejoinder on my part would unquestionably have made me fare the worse. Endeavouring, therefore, to hum a tune, I strolled to the window and looked out; while the imperturbable Corny, opening the opposite sash, squibbed off both pistols previous to replacing them in the box.

I cannot say what it was in the gesture and the action of this little fiend; but somehow the air of absurdity thus thrown over our quarrel by this ludicrous termination hurt me deeply; and Corny’s face as he snapped the trigger was a direct insult. All my self-respect, all my self-approval gave way in a moment, and I could think of nothing but cross Corny’s commentary on my courage.

‘Yes,’ said I, half aloud, ‘it is a confounded country! If for nothing else, that every class and condition of man thinks himself capable to pronounce upon his neighbour. Hard drink and duelling are the national pénates; and Heaven help him who does not adopt the religion of the land! My English servant would as soon have thought of criticising a chorus of Euripides as my conduct; and yet this little wretch not only does so, but does it to my face, superadding a sneer upon my country!’

This, like many other of my early reflections on Ireland, had its grain of truth and its bushel of fallacy; and before I quitted the land I learned to make the distinction.