Take Your Last Breath

RUBY LIFTED THE HATCH ON THE ROOF and, barefoot, the two of them made their way down the open-tread staircase to Ruby’s room. It was perfectly cool in the house. Bug, the Redfort husky, was sleeping on the large beanbag that sat in the centre of Ruby’s bedroom. He pricked up his ears when he heard Ruby and Clancy’s footsteps and decided to follow them to the kitchen. There was a good chance someone might drop a cookie on the floor and Bug was quick. There was no chance of Mrs Digby sweeping it up before he had got to it.

Ruby and Clancy padded into the kitchen, drunk from the sun and exhausted from doing nothing. The transistor on the counter was tuned to Twinford Talk Radio and was blaring out some news story about Twinford City Square. Mrs Digby always had the set turned up too loud because she was a little hard of hearing – though she claimed it was ‘’cause those radio folk always mumble’.

‘SO KELLY, HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE GULLS IN TWINFORD SQUARE? CREATING QUITE A RUMPUS I BELIEVE.’ ‘YOU’RE NOT WRONG THERE BOBBY. I CAN’T SAY I’VE SEEN THEM, BUT I’VE CERTAINLY HEARD THEM! NO ONE CAN FIGURE OUT JUST WHAT HAS BROUGHT SO MANY SEAGULLS INTO THE CITY CENTRE, PERHAPS IT’S THE UNUSUALLY SCORCHING WEATHER. BACK TO YOU BOBBY.’ ‘THANKS FOR THAT INSIGHT KELLY. MOVING ON TO ANOTHER ANIMAL-RELATED STORY, SEVEN DOLPHINS WERE DISCOVERED IN TWINFORD HARBOUR THIS MORNING AND DESPITE ALL BEST EFFORTS FROM THE AQUATIC RESCUE TEAM, THEY SEEM TO BE REFUSING TO MOVE ON.’

Clancy grimaced.

‘What’s with the face?’ said Ruby.

‘Dolphins,’ said Clancy.

‘What have you got against dolphins? Everyone likes dolphins. What makes you such an individual?’

‘Just don’t trust them,’ said Clancy.

‘Oh Clance, don’t tell me you’re scared of them – no one’s scared of dolphins.’

‘I am,’ said Clancy firmly.

‘Why?’ said Ruby. ‘What possible reason could you have for being scared of a dolphin?’

‘For the following reason: I could be out swimming one day and spot what I think is a dolphin, and get lulled into a false sense of security only to find out it’s actually a shark.’ Just a month ago Clancy had been waiting at the dentist’s office, killing time leafing through the old magazines, when he had stumbled across a story about a man who had unfortunately mistaken a shark for a dolphin – the consequences didn’t bear thinking about, but Clancy couldn’t stop thinking about them.

‘And how is that the dolphin’s fault?’ asked Ruby.

‘It’s got a fin,’ said Clancy, folding his arms. ‘They make themselves look like sharks.’

‘The fin shape is totally different,’ said Ruby. ‘Look in any encyclopedia and you’ll see.’

‘Oh yeah, I’ll remember to do that next time I’m swimming along.’

‘Well, you know what Clance? It’s never gonna be a mistake you get to make because you’re never gonna be swimming along; you never go anywhere near what might or might not be a shark. You never even paddle!’

Mrs Digby emerged from the pantry where she had been lining up canned food in alphabetical order. The Redfort housekeeper liked to run a tight ship (as she put it) and keep an A–Z larder.

‘Hi Mrs Digby,’ said Clancy.

Mrs Digby put her hands on her hips. ‘Well, howdy, and what can I do for you? Since I don’t imagine either of you have come in here to volunteer for potato peeling. Am I right or am I right?’

‘Just wondering if you might have some kinda snacky type of a thing up your sleeve?’ said Ruby, her eyes all big and innocent.

The old lady clucked her tongue, pretending to disapprove, but actually loving nothing better than preparing food for Ruby and her friends – they were always so appreciative.

Mrs Digby had known Ruby since Ruby was a minute old and there was nothing she wouldn’t do for her. Not that she was any kind of pushover – she was most definitely not. One tough old bird in fact. Only a month ago she had been accidentally kidnapped during a robbery, but it was like water off a duck’s back to Mrs Digby.

‘Been through a whole lot worse during my long and mainly miserable life,’ was all she had said about the incident. Mrs Digby always described her life as miserable though in fact this was not the case, certainly not for the past fifty years anyway.

The housekeeper set about making what she called ‘a Digby Club’, which was actually just a regular club sandwich, but with her own home-made mustard mayonnaise, and topped off with a gherkin. For some reason it tasted a whole lot better than any other club sandwich that you might ever have tasted and anybody who ate one never forgot it.

‘By the way,’ she said, pulling something from her apron pocket, ‘I found that watch of yours on the front stoop; you oughta be more careful with your possessions child, or you’ll have nothing left to call your own.’

‘Darn it!’ said Ruby. ‘The clasp is all bent so it keeps coming loose. I told them to fix it.’

‘Told who?’ asked the housekeeper.

‘Um… the fixers,’ said Ruby. She was being cagey because this watch was no ordinary watch; it was a Spectrum-issue Escape watch (also known to agents as the Rescue watch) and had once belonged to the wonder kid, Bradley Baker. It was a clever piece of kit: it looked like nothing more than a child’s watch, but this timepiece, though old and not the latest in terms of spy gear, was still a gadget to be reckoned with. It had saved more than a few lives in its time. It had a brightly striped strap and an interesting clasp. The second hand was a fly and the watch face itself was coloured enamel, painted with cartoon eyes. The eyes followed the hands as they ticked tirelessly round. Spectrum had repaired the malfunctioning rescue features, but had neglected to fix the faulty clasp so it was always coming loose.

Ruby took the watch and fastened it round her wrist, making sure that the clasp clicked home.

‘Well,’ said Mrs Digby, ‘mind you fix it or you’ll be sorry. A stitch in time saves nine is what I always say.’

The housekeeper popped the sandwiches on plates and slid them across the countertop like she was a short-order chef.

Ruby and Clancy were sitting at high stools still chatting about dolphins and sharks. They paused their conversation only to convey their appreciation, picked up their plates and made their way to the living room. Mrs Digby nodded and started chopping up vegetables ready for the evening meal.

Both kids flopped down on the floor and, propping themselves on their elbows, tackled their snacks. Ruby reached for the remote and flicked on the TV set. Clancy gave directions through mouthfuls of Digby Club.

‘Try channel three,’ he urged. ‘No, wait a minute, seven. Nah, maybe try nine.’

Ruby looked at him. ‘You wanna stop barking orders and do it yourself?’

‘Nah, you’re doing great. What’s on eleven?’

They finally settled on some lame show about a seal who solved crimes with his seal’s sixth sense. The seal narrated at the beginning and the end of each episode which made it all the more unbelievable. It was pretty bad, but Clancy and Ruby didn’t mind that. They kind of liked bad shows, almost as much as they relished good ones – there was nothing as enjoyable as ripping a truly terrible show to shreds.

‘Oh, like that would ever happen!’ Clancy would say whenever anything super stupid occurred in the plot. And Ruby was very fond of exclaiming, ‘Yeah, right, I totally would go out in the dark alone if there was a psychopath on the loose.’

Watching this ‘seal’ show was providing them with ample opportunity to make a whole lot of wise remarks. Splasher – the seal of the show’s title – was busy listening to a conversation that some villainous-looking types were having on the harbour wall, and he was getting pretty distressed by what he heard.

Clancy was killing himself laughing. ‘Can you believe this show!’ he squealed.

Bug, hearing the commotion, bounded into the room, stepping on the remote, changing the channel to the local news station.

The words BREAKING NEWS flashed up on the screen and a wind-blown reporter was standing on Twinford beach talking into the camera.

‘IT HAS JUST COME TO LIGHT THAT THE BODY OF A DIVER HAS WASHED UP ON TWINFORD BAY BEACH.’

Ruby and Clancy sat up.

‘IT IS NOT YET KNOWN HOW THE VICTIM DIED, BUT IT WOULD APPEAR THAT HE WAS JUST AN UNFORTUNATE CASUALTY OF THE SEA’S UNPREDICTABILITY. ALL WE CAN TELL YOU IS THAT THE DECEASED IS MALE AND OF AVERAGE BUILD.’

‘Like I was saying,’ said Clancy, letting out a long breath, ‘the ocean is a dan-ger-ous place.’

Meanwhile,

somewhere off the

coast of Twinford…

It was a glittering day, and it seemed that most of Twinford’s glitteringly wealthy were on-board Freddie and Marjorie Humbert’s sixty-foot yacht, the Golden Albatross.

‘Isn’t this just one hundred per cent perfect?’ said Sabina Redfort, smiling.

‘More than that,’ said Brant Redfort. ‘It’s at least two hundred per cent perfect!’

‘Perfect is perfect,’ said Ambassador Crew. ‘No more, no less.’

‘Exactly,’ agreed Sabina. ‘It’s double perfect.’

Ambassador Crew rolled his eyes heavenwards. He found the Redforts very agreeable company, but frustratingly dim. Just how Brant Redfort had ever got into Stanton University he could not imagine.

It was the invitation of the season: a mini cruise around the Twinford coast, sailing the passengers as far as the Sibling Islands, taking in sights most Twinfordites rarely if ever got to see. It had been set up by the Twinford Historical Society, which for the first time in twenty years had had to turn away applicants – its membership having swelled threefold as soon as it was discovered that the trip involved ten days on-board the Humberts’ luxury vessel.

‘Isn’t it wonderful to see just how many people are actually interested in history?’ said Sabina.

‘Might have something to do with this million-dollar yacht we’re on,’ replied Ambassador Crew. He was a very cynical person.

‘Why, is it old?’ asked Brant. ‘Gee, I didn’t know it was of historical interest.’

‘Give me strength,’ muttered the Ambassador under his breath.

Dora Shoering was giving a series of lectures on the facts, myths and legends relating to smuggling, piracy and long-lost treasure. The facts, it had to be admitted, were few and far between, but no one much minded as it was naturally a glamorous affair and everyone was having an elegant time.

Along with Brant and Sabina Redfort, the guest list included Barbara and Ed Bartholomew, Mr and Mrs Gruemeister and their bothersome dog, Pookie. However, Mrs Crew had declined the invitation due to a horrible problem with seasickness and the Sibling waters were notorious for their restless currents.

Dora Shoering, a self-proclaimed intellectual who had almost attended Berklard as a student, gave a fascinating, if not entirely accurate, series of talks, but it was that Sunday afternoon’s lecture that sparked most chatter.

‘Fascinating,’ said Sabina. ‘I just love the story of the lost treasure of Twinford. Of course, much of it I knew already, because you see it was my ancestor’s treasure that was lost. Did you all know that?’

The others did know this, because Sabina had not stopped repeating it all through the lecture – how her great-great-great-grandmother Eliza Fairbank (she wasn’t sure how many greats) had been lost at sea off Twinford on the way to South America along with all her gems and rubies; only her little daughter Martha survived.

‘Utterly gripping,’ said Marjorie Humbert. ‘Wouldn’t it be divine if it were true?’

‘But there is every possibility that it is true,’ said Dora. ‘Though it has never been proved one way or the other.’

‘Why did no one look for it?’ asked Brant.

‘Well, of course they did,’ Dora replied. ‘But they never found a thing. Plus, they had a few other concerns.’

‘Such as?’ asked Ambassador Crew.

‘A giant sea monster,’ replied Dora. ‘It was said it guarded the treasure, sat on it, they say, and no one could ever retrieve the gems from its razor-sharp talons.’

‘Talons?’ spat the Ambassador. ‘You’re saying that this sea creature was an aquatic eagle-bird?’

Dora looked uneasy: she had made up the bit about the talons. ‘Or crab claws, no one knows,’ she said hurriedly.

Ambassador Crew couldn’t help but display his utter pity for anyone who would believe such total garbage, but the rest of the party was electric with excitement.

‘We should search for it!’ said Brant. ‘Imagine – Sabina coming face to face with her own ancestor’s jewels.’

‘Good luck to you,’ said Ambassador Crew. ‘It would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You’d have to search the whole ocean floor just to find the wreck and in these dangerous waters I wouldn’t fancy your chances.’

‘Gracious,’ said Sabina. ‘Sounds like quite a quest.’

‘Exactly!’ said Dora Shoering. ‘It’s no surprise no one’s ever found it.’

‘A nice fairy tale is what it is,’ said Ambassador Crew.

‘Hey, look at that boat on the horizon.’ Barbara Bartholomew was pointing to the south-west. ‘Doesn’t it look romantic against the setting sun?’

‘Yes,’ agreed Sabina, looking at the old-fashioned sailing ship. ‘One could almost imagine oneself back in pirate times.’

THE NEXT MORNING WHEN RUBY REDFORT turned the corner of Amster Street, she walked on past the bus stop, crossed the road and headed for the Double Donut Diner – she figured there was plenty of time to grab a shake and still make the school bus.

It wasn’t that the Double Donut Diner particularly specialised in donuts – it was really because Marla, the owner, thought it was a catchy name and apparently it was because everyone in Twinford seemed to know the Double Donut.

The diner was popular with all sorts of locals and Ruby liked to hang out observing the comings and goings of Twinford folk. It also did particularly good French toast – something Ruby’s mother was very much against due to the quantity of maple syrup her daughter drowned it in.

Del and Mouse looked up as she came in. ‘Hey Rube, how you doing?’

‘Oh, you know, could complain, can’t be bothered.’ She looked around. ‘Clancy not here?’

‘He had to leave early,’ said Mouse. ‘Said he had to go and see Principal Levine, on account of flunking French, again – Madame Loup is furieux.’

‘How come he didn’t tell me about that last night?’ asked Ruby.

‘He only just found out. Mrs Bexenheath actually called the Crew household this morning,’ said Del. Del was the only person Ruby knew who could speak while at the very same time suck milkshake up a straw.

Ruby winced. ‘A little trip to the principal’s office, huh? That’s gonna get old Clancy’s dad in a stew.’

‘Lucky for Clance he’s off sailing the high seas with your folks,’ said Mouse.

Ruby nodded. Clancy’s dad wasn’t in the business of bringing up losers: at least that’s what he was constantly telling his children. Ambassador Crew liked to think of himself as a winner and that meant having children who were winners. Clancy, in this respect, often let the side down.

‘Poor old Clance,’ said Ruby, signalling to the waitress that she was ready to order.

Just then, in stumbled a girl with long copper hair, golden brown skin and grey eyes. It was the impossibly pretty but strikingly clumsy Red Monroe.

‘Hi Red, what happened to your leg?’ asked Del.

‘Oh yeah,’ replied Red, looking down at her scuffed knee. ‘I tripped over a dog.’

‘That reminds me,’ said Del. ‘My Uncle Charlie, you know, the one who’s with the coastguard? He was saying how this shipment of dog food ended up in Argentina when it was meant to be delivered to Mexico, and how this shipment of bananas was meant to arrive in San Francisco, but ended up in Chile. I mean how about that!’

‘So?’ said Mouse. ‘What’s the big deal? Mix-ups happen.’

‘Yeah, but my Uncle Charlie was saying it’s been happening a lot, I mean a lot.’

Del tried to emphasise what ‘a lot’ was by leaving her mouth hanging open when she had finished speaking.

‘Oh, how interesting,’ said Ruby, yawning an exaggerated yawn.

‘I’m telling you guys, this is a big deal,’ Del insisted.

‘Give us some examples then,’ said Mouse, who was concentrating hard on her milkshake.

‘Like a bunch of sneakers that ended up in Antigua instead of Seattle and a whole load of corncobs that showed up in Miami.’ She paused before adding, ‘Uncle Charlie told me a troupe of Indian elephants on their way to Baltimore still hasn’t shown up at all.’

Ruby looked at her with a tired expression. Del had quite a reputation for turning fiction into fact and this just sounded like the usual garbage that she regularly spouted.

‘For a start it isn’t a troupe of elephants, it’s a parade or herd,’ said Ruby, ‘and for seconds that has to be untrue.’

‘Ask anyone,’ said Del.

Ruby turned to Mouse. ‘So Mouse, did you hear about the shipment of elephants that went missing between India and Baltimore?’

‘Nope,’ said Mouse.

Del sighed – she knew when she was beaten. ‘Hey, how about some French toast? I mean there’s time, right? We just need to eat quick; we can still make the bus.’

Del Lasco could talk a cow into milking itself and before they knew it they were all sitting eating a Sunday-style breakfast as if school was not even on the menu. When the hands of the clock got dangerously near pointing out eight o’clock, the friends slipped down off their stools and headed in the direction of Twinford High.

The bus had long gone.

* * *

‘Late again! What a surprise,’ said Mrs Drisco, without one chime of surprise in her voice. ‘So what was it this time – the cat ate my homework?’

‘Oh, we don’t have a cat Mrs Drisco,’ said Ruby.

The teacher pinched her lips together sourly. ‘Well, that’s a detention then,’ she said, writing a D in the register.

‘I have a note,’ said Ruby.

‘Well, unless it’s from the mayor himself, then I really don’t think I’m interested.’

‘Oh, it is,’ said Ruby.

She reached down to her satchel, opened it and rifled through her notes and excuses section. There were notes inside for any occasion, arranged alphabetically. She selected the one she needed.

Pulling out a piece of paper from the bag, Ruby handed it to Mrs Drisco. Mrs Drisco looked at the piece of paper most carefully. She put her glasses on and took them off again, then sat down. The note was most definitely signed by the mayor himself – it wasn’t a copy.

Just how Ruby Redfort had come by this note is another story, but suffice it to say, Ruby kept a lot of things up her sleeve or, more precisely, in her satchel – who knew when they might come in handy? The Boy Scouts had it right: be prepared – it was front and centre in the Boy Scout handbook, a little bland in its delivery but a good rule. Ruby had chosen it as her RULE 11: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED AND BE READY FOR ANYTHING.

‘SO HOW DID YOU PULL THAT OFF?’ asked an impressed Del Lasco at lunch recess. ‘You know, the trick with the note.’

‘It’s not a trick,’ said Ruby.

‘So how dya get it?’ said Del.

‘Ah, I have my sources,’ replied Ruby.

‘Yeah, well, a truly “good” friend would share those sources with her closest and mostest,’ said Del.

‘If you need me to get you out of a jam sometime Del, all you gotta do is make it worth my while,’ smiled Ruby.

Clancy arrived at the lunch table, his tray teetering with high-calorie food. He was looking to put on a little weight, but the effort would no doubt prove fruitless, for it seemed no matter how much he ate, Clancy never got wider than a string bean.

‘So Clance, you gonna watch the swimathon on Saturday?’ asked Del.

Clancy shivered. ‘No siree, I’ve got no interest in watching kids from Twinford Junior High get devoured by oversized fish.’

Del looked at him like he had lost a few marbles. She turned to Ruby.

‘What’s with him?’ she said, pointing her thumb in his direction.

‘You know Clance, a boy with a fearful persecution complex – thinks the whole of marine life’s out to get him,’ said Ruby.

Del punched him on the arm. ‘Get a grip Crew, nothin’s gonna bother taking a bite out of your shrimpy body.’ She took a big chomp out of her sandwich and continued to talk. ‘I wish it was our grade taking part in the swimathon; too bad only the kids in 9th grade get to swim.’ Del was captain of the 8th grade swim team and she relished any chance she got to compete.

The 9th grade had been training for this for the past few months and, as a team-building exercise, Coach Newhart was taking them for a seafood cookout – not that he touched molluscs or crustaceans himself. Coach Newhart only ate real food and that meant food that walked on all fours on dry land – no fins, no feelers.

Elliot came and joined them. ‘Hey, where’s Mouse and Red?’ he asked, looking around as if they might be under the table.

‘Chess club,’ said Del.

‘Red plays chess?’ he said.

‘She’s good actually,’ said Del. ‘Well, when she’s not knocking the pieces all over the board, she tends to win.’

Elliot nodded, surprised but impressed. ‘So Rube, how was your vacation?’

‘You know, good,’ she replied.

‘So what did you do?’ he asked.

‘Swim,’ said Ruby.

‘Anything else?’ he enquired.

‘Cleaned the bathroom a few times,’ she said.