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‘Have you worked on a film before?’
‘No.’
‘Then forget it. If you haven’t made a film already then you aren’t in the union, and there is no way in which you can work on a film, in any capacity.’
Very funny! It seems the union is the ACT, the Association of Cinematograph Technicians, and they are a famous ‘closed shop’. (No card, no film; no film, no card.)
So Mr Orton advised me to stay in Mr P’s office. This is very disappointing. Mr P has already told me I can’t stay in his office after production begins. And anyway I want to be a film director, not producer.
Mr P cheered me up by telling me to go down to see Diana Dors’14 house tomorrow. It is somewhere near Ascot or maybe Henley. I’ve only got the phone number so far. Her agent has learned that MM is looking for something for the summer and thinks it might be good publicity if they could swap houses. Of course we already have two houses, for MM and her manager, but I suppose some other creeps like APJ might arrive from America so I’ll go and look.
Diana Dors always seems very sexy, even if extremely common. A bit of a tart.
WEDNESDAY, 20 JUNE
Diana Dors is divine. She’s as vulgar and cheeky as I imagined from her films, but with a hilarious sense of humour. She never stops cracking jokes and telling stories. Her conversations peppered with F—s and C—s.
Her house is near the river, although I couldn’t see it, as she has a huge indoor pool. She and a starlet friend were sitting by the pool in bikinis when I arrived. DD is smaller than you would think in real life. I suppose the camera exaggerates her on purpose. She is quite a pretty girl, and her friend was even prettier but not so vivacious. DD could not care less about the house swap but she did want to hear about MM. It was quite a let-down when I was forced to admit that I hadn’t met MM yet. DD got bored very quickly, so to liven things up she and her friend both took off their bikini tops and jumped into the pool. That got my attention all right. There were two workmen hammering at something at the far end and their eyes stood out like organ stops. They just downed tools and stared.
Both girls have beautiful, quite small breasts but I must admit that they were so brazen that I was more embarrassed than rapacious. They must have been on the game together in the old days, is my guess.
The house is much too small for MM or her retinue, and has no class at all. With this film, MM is trying to go up in the world, not down. So I left silently and reported back to Mr P. He just chuckled. He hates film stars really.
THURSDAY, 21 JUNE
Thank goodness, I was completely wrong about David Orton. Underneath that severe exterior he is a very nice man. He is just awkward with people until he knows them.
He is married to a pretty, jolly make-up girl called Penny, who picked him up this evening. His world is the film studio, where he is in charge of course, and he is very experienced. He gave me a long explanation about how film studios work. Like in every job, there is a hierarchy which is very important. This is true in each department – the lighting cameraman is head of one group, and pretty much above everyone except the director, the designer has his crew – set-dressers, down to chippies (carpenters); there is wardrobe, make-up, film editing etc., each with their own structure. The Director has an Associate Director, but his right-hand man is the 1st Assistant Director – David in our case.
The lowest of the low is the 3rd Assistant Director who is known as a ‘gofer’. Anyone can tell him to ‘go for this, go for that’.
This is the job he’ll try to get for me, but even a 3rd Ast Dir needs a union card and that is the hardest thing in the world to get: actually it is the same card as a director needs to work on a film, but it is a different grade. David has promised to try and come up with a scheme to get round the union ‘closed shop’ rule. I trust him.
Mr P has other worries and so has SLO. I’m not surprised. I saw the play on which the film is going to be based: The Sleeping Prince. Larry and Vivien did it together – at the Phoenix Theatre in 1953–415 – and it was a very slight piece indeed. Typical Rattigan16 – theatrical, charming and that’s all. Vivien was enchanting as ever, despite a funny accent. But I thought Larry was at his worst. He has an old-fashioned notion that it is funny to play European royalty, and he gets wooden and mannered. The whole play ended up like a sort of 1930s in-joke – hardly Hollywood. I can’t see it being a good role for MM. I suppose she thinks it will enhance her new ‘intellectual’ image. She will certainly have been told what a fantastic opportunity it is to play opposite the greatest classical actor of the generation etc. But Rattigan is no Shakespeare. Unless MM is cleverer than she looks, she will find it jolly hard to mix her style with Olivier’s. She is said to be reading Dostoevsky or War and Peace or something so maybe she will surprise us all. Diana Dors surprised me, but she’s more a crafty cockney than an intellectual.
FRIDAY, 22 JUNE
SLO came in, in quite a state. Problems already. After a bit I was called in to Mr P’s office to ‘join the discussions’ – providing I do not speak unless asked a direct question! It seems that MM is going to marry Arthur Miller17 this weekend. What sort of an effect will that have on her? And on the production? Will Miller persuade her not to come, and whisk her off on a glamorous honeymoon? SLO says he is a self-satisfied, argumentative, pseudo-intellectual. Charming. Will he help MM or make her argumentative too? She has a dreadful reputation already among movie directors. She is always late on the set, often does not show up for days on end, and can never remember her lines. What on earth can be the matter?
Her producer, and the co-producer of the film, with SLO, is called Milton Greene.18 It is for him that I have rented Tibbs Farm. He will be responsible for MM while she is here, making sure she does turn up and keeping an eye on the expenses. But it seems he does not like Arthur Miller. He got MM out of her 20th Century contract, together with a lawyer called Irving Stein.19 Evidently Milton Greene has given SLO his assurance that he can make MM behave herself.
After all it is her own money that is involved this time. Marilyn Monroe Productions (MMP) has a big share in the profits, just like LOP. If MM doesn’t turn up for work, then she (and her partners, Greene and Stein20) start losing money. That is the theory. I don’t know if it has occurred to any of them that while the three men involved (MG, IS and AM) want money, MM may be more interested in her career, but I didn’t dare say so. Poor SLO. He is already upset enough. He doesn’t trust any of the Americans and is out of his depth.
‘What have I got myself into, Colin?’
‘I think it will be a fantastic success, Larry,’ I replied (using Larry for the last time, I swear it).
Mr P beamed in the background. His prodigy had said the right thing. ‘Success for her or success for me?’ said SLO but he was comforted for the moment (so easily?!).
And on top of AM there is the problem of the Strasbergs.21 Lee Strasberg is the head of the Actors’ Studio in New York, where MM sometimes studies (like once??). He is her god. He doesn’t want to come over to London and desert his other students so he is sending over his wife, Paula. Paula Strasberg is a famous menace. As MM’s ‘drama coach’ she could undermine SLO.
Naturally SLO wants a professional actor’s approach. MM learns the role and decides how to play it; SLO makes suggestions, they discuss them, MM alters her performance accordingly etc. What will Paula’s approach be? How will she fit in between them?
Throughout all this, a new idea has occurred to me. A couple of years ago, Lee and Paula’s daughter Susan completely stole my heart in a film called Picnic. Susan played the kid sister of a blonde called Kim Novak. KN was meant to be the beautiful one and SS the ugly duckling – aged about 15, I suppose. Needless to say SS was 100 times more attractive than Novak in every way. I am a complete sucker for little skinny girls with big brown eyes. At the time I fell in love with Susan Strasberg, I had only just got over Pier Angeli marrying some dreadful Hollywood crooner.22 I could hardly stop myself from asking whether Paula was bringing her daughter with her. I suppose not, but with luck, Susan might visit her Mum.
Anyway, I kept quiet.
Mr P and SLO had a long moan about Hollywood and Hollywood types and agents, lawyers, producers, stars. I don’t think SLO is jealous. After all he and Vivien have both had huge Hollywood successes. He just can’t stand the lack of professionalism. He sees ‘the Method’, which originates in New York, of course, but influences all the new Hollywood stars, as an excuse for self-indulgence.
Everyone is seduced by MM’s particular form of glamour and SLO fears he has fallen into a trap. MM is not like any leading lady he’s ever known and he can’t fathom it. He can’t figure out whether she has a brain in her head or not. He knows he’s a very attractive man, but she doesn’t seem to have really noticed him. She only sees his reputation. She’ll be here in three weeks and then we’ll find out.
It’s true that I don’t think of SLO as a movie star, despite Henry V and all the films he’s made. I think of him as a great actor. How will a ‘star’ and an actor mix. They’ll have to find somewhere to meet between the sky and the stage.
I know I want to be a professional, like SLO. If I get a job on the film, I must stick to him like glue!
MONDAY, 25 JUNE
The whole office is busy planning for MM’s arrival. Frequent directions arrive from America about the colours she likes, the materials she likes, the decorations she likes. The dressing-room suite at Pinewood is to be all beige. In fact beige is the only colour everyone agrees is safe. Red is out. Blue is out. Green is out. It is as if these colours were enemies.
Garrett and Joan are having the master bedroom suite at Englefield Green repainted white. They say they hate beige and won’t change it. I told them I was having their village renamed Englefield Beige. For the money we (well, MMP to be accurate) are paying them, they could repaint the whole house many times over, but Garrett is too mean.
I made an appointment for Thursday with the police at Heathrow Airport to plan MM’s arrival on 14 July. The Inspector thought I was kidding at first. But when I threatened 3000 fans he took me seriously.
Evidently when the crooner Johnny Ray came through, he – the Inspector – had his little finger broken in the mêlée. Johnny Ray’s publicity people had gone down to the East End and filled up four buses with slum teenagers. They gave each one 10 shillings to cause as much pandemonium as possible when Ray appeared. This they duly did, and Johnny Ray’s arrival was instant front-page news.
The Inspector says if we plan something like this he will personally have me arrested. I assure him that SLO himself has entrusted me with the job of getting MM into the country as discreetly as possible. He is still doubtful but I can tell that even he cannot resist the chance of meeting MM in the flesh. Her name has a magic effect.
People who are going to be associated with the production of the film drift in.
Roger Furse23 is going to be the designer. I have met him before with Vivien – I think at Notley. He always seems to have a hangover, never stops smoking. He ran out of Capstans and cadged three of my Woodbines. (I never get time to smoke anything larger.) Mr P won’t allow me to smoke in his office, despite his continual pipe puffing. I find Roger very sympathetic but Mr P clearly does not.
‘Never trust the dirty fingernail brigade, Colin,’ he said after Roger had left. ‘They pretend to be only doing it for their art, but they are always trying to wangle more money.’
I took a quick squint at my fingernails – not that clean. I need the job, not the money, but I suppose that I must admit I am prepared to wangle.
My worry is that Roger is rather too ‘stagey’. The more SLO surrounds himself with stage people, the more ‘stagey’ the film will be. Perhaps that’s the intention – to make the film a sort of period piece – rich, theatrical and far from MM’s normal image.
Jolly hard to pull off though. SLO may like it and MM may like it, but will filmgoers pay to see it?
TUESDAY, 26 JUNE
Another ‘old friend’ today.
Tony Bushell24 roared in at 12.30 to meet SLO and Rattigan for lunch. Tony looks like a bluff military man – bald, red faced and jovial. In fact he was in the Guards during the war and almost everyone forgets he is an actor.
David Niven told Mama that when Tony applied to join some grand regiment, the Adjutant asked him what he did for a living.
‘Nothing at the moment,’ said Tony, who, like all actors, was out of work.
‘Thank goodness,’ said the Adjutant, assuming Tony was idle rich, ‘I thought you might be an actor. The last actor chappie we had ran off with the Colonel’s wife.’
So Tony got in, and sure enough, ran off with the wife of someone in the regiment.
Very adorable she is too. Anne Bushell is a great friend of Vivien’s, as Tony is of SLO’s. In fact Anne talks exactly like Vivien (though she is not an actress at all – she is an heiress), and when she answers the phone at Notley one can’t tell the difference. She is not as beautiful as Vivien (no one is) but she is still very attractive – as well as a good deal easier to be with.
Tony boomed a great welcome to me. He is going to be the Associate Director. This means that while SLO is acting in front of the camera, Tony will take charge behind it, and ‘direct’ the film.
I don’t think Tony could direct traffic in Cheltenham. Despite his imposing appearance he is really a pussy cat. But SLO needs a chum to guard his rear, as it were, and it is a great joy to have Tony around. He has a heart the size of a house which he loves to hide behind a glare. I’ve met Rattigan too, but he didn’t remember me. He’s queer of course, although I’ve nothing against that. He’s charming to everyone but with a cautious look in his eye. I can’t pretend I think he’s much cop as a writer. Very 1920s period stuff. Of course, there’s always an edge but if there wasn’t even that his plays would just be blancmange.
SLO and Vivien probably know this but they love to have queer courtiers, and Rattigan’s plays are quite good vehicles for actors.
They all went off to the Ivy in high good spirits. Like a lot of overgrown schoolboys, I thought.
‘Hmph’ said Mr P as we settled down to the cheese rolls and Guinnesses – which I buy and we now consume together in his office.
WEDNESDAY, 27 JUNE
Mr P has finally admitted that MM may need a bodyguard. The newspapers are making such a fuss of her and the upcoming visit. You would think that her fans are massing at strategic points to trample her to death in the rush for her autograph. ‘Phooey’ we say, but we can’t take risks, and anyway the cost will come out of MMP’s budget.
Mr P has no idea how to arrange a bodyguard so I rang Scotland Yard. When I finally got through to someone senior enough, they were incredulous and angry.
‘Miss Marilyn Monroe will be adequately protected by the police while in this country like every other American visitor,’ said some Commissioner sniffily. I patiently explained that if there was a retired Inspector around who would like to spend four months in Miss Monroe’s company for a high salary I would like his name.
Once again the magical MM image made a strong man wilt. In fact I think the Commissioner sounded as if he might resign there and then to take the job. (Imagine what he could tell the wife – line of duty and all that.) He would have someone call me in the afternoon. And he did call – a real Inspector Plod. He was cautious and realistic – quiet sense of humour, not overawed. Sounds just what Mr P and I need. I invited him to come here to meet us in a week’s time.
Tomorrow I’m going to Heathrow to see those police. (I may mention Plod’s name.) It’s to be a conference. I am afraid they are expecting someone older than me but it can’t be helped. I’ll just have to play the officer to the hilt. The RAF wasn’t exactly the Life Guards, but I do know how. Most of those senior cops are just sergeant-majors at heart. As soon as they realise that I am serious, they’ll settle down.
THURSDAY, 28 JUNE
The police at the airport were very suspicious. They assumed that I had come out there to arrange some sort of publicity stunt. Luckily I have experience of this sort of planning – defending Dalcross airport against infiltration25 – and I managed to get their interest. Which corridor, which car park, which tunnel etc.
SLO really does want a very low-key reception for MM. He and Vivien will come to meet her. The press can have a short question and answer session plus pictures in a room especially set up between Immigration and the cars. MM and AM have to go through Immigration and Customs, no matter what, but the police have promised to whisk them through alone.
So together we planned the whole thing like a military manoeuvre. I ended by telling them not to alter our plan in any way unless advised by me. (Milton Greene and Irving Stein and some publicity types are coming in ahead of MM and Mr P says that they are certain to try to change everything.)
In the end the cops became great chums. They all want to be the one who stands next to MM and protects her from the mob. She has that effect on all men, I guess. They certainly do not want a riot in their airport. Memories of Johnny Ray are all too recent. I was very Old Etonian Guards officer visiting the Sergeants’ Mess, even though they are in black tunics covered in silver braid. But we understood one another.
David Orton came in again this afternoon. He gets nicer and nicer, and receives my plaintive enquiries about a job with twinkles and winks.
‘Wait until next week. It’s the middle of summer, you know.’
What can that mean? I know it is summer. It is extremely hot. But I trust him to help. I’m very lucky that he has become a friend.
FRIDAY, 29 JUNE
Garrett Moore is being very difficult about Parkside House again. What about the phone bill? What about the mess and the possible damage? I keep telling him that it will only be MM, AM and a Scotland Yard detective – although in reality I’m none too sure about this. There are always hangers-on, but they are meant to be at Tibbs Farm.
The Moores’ servants will stay on at the house for MM, paid by Garrett who will be recompensed by MMP. This way, Garrett hopes not to lose them. Garrett is like a child, whining about someone playing with his toys.26 Joan says nothing – just smiles and flutters those amazing eyelashes. She is the most seductive woman since Cleopatra. She and Vivien are in the same mould only she is passive where Vivien is active. Joan is older of course, but when she plays the piano for a concert, most of the men in the audience are close to fainting. I suppose Joan and Vivien know each other – it’s not the sort of question to ask either of them – probably through Papa: lucky old man. I would be putty in Joan’s hands, but I have to be tough with Garrett. I’m sure he can’t resist £120 per week and I’m sure he can’t resist the slightest chance to get his hand up MM’s skirt. I know he is meant to be so brilliantly clever, but he is also extremely vain.
Mr P is pleased by the airport arrangements and by the bodyguard, although we haven’t met him yet. None of the film production crew will be put on salary until 23 July, and he depends on me to negotiate with Garrett and Mrs C-P.
The costume designer came in to arrange her contract. Beatrice ‘Bumble’ Dawson27 is a jolly, ginny neurotic old bird who SLO has used many times. She smokes continuously and grinds her teeth. In an effort to conquer this last habit, she is trying to replace it with twisting a lock of hair, a psychoanalyst trick which results in simultaneous grinding and twisting! She laughs a lot, between puffs, and is very sympathetic.
I can see why SLO has chosen so many chums. It is going to make life in the studio very easy. But I wonder if MM and Co will appreciate that sort of atmosphere.
MONDAY, 2 JULY
MM finally married Arthur Miller in New York over the weekend. Nobody here knows if that is good or bad for the film. Rumour has it that she panicked at the last minute and tried to get out of it.
Just before the wedding, a car full of reporters chasing the happy couple crashed and the Paris Match woman was killed. MM was very badly shaken and saw it as a bad omen – as if one was needed. The poor girl seems to invite disaster. Perhaps she needs calamity, so that she is permanently in that helpless condition from which everyone wants to rescue her. But SLO, and Mr P for that matter, do not see her in that light and have no desire to do so. SLO probably once thought the whole thing would be a bit of a lark. He could have fun, make money and add considerably to his glamour. SLO’s charm can be devastating – but will it work on MM? Of course, Vivien loves SLO despite his charm, not because of it. She is very demanding of his time and his attention – almost to the point of obsession. But she always defers to him as the great actor and the great star – even though she won an Oscar first28 and is really more famous.
Vivien makes it quite clear that she regards SLO as more important than her, but I wonder if this will help him in his dealings with MM. He must not be grandiose or condescending. MM is too big to be treated like that.
Richard Addinsell29 came in this evening to talk about music. He is quiet and modest with a very good reputation for film music. SLO wants a catchy romantic melody for the theme of the movie. Evidently MM has agreed to sing it. She did sing in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and she has a low husky sort of voice, slight but not unpleasant.
The question of how much music there will be in the film has still not been solved. Rattigan wants very little but SLO disagrees and MM wants lots.
Meanwhile Vivien – who created the role MM will play – sides with Rattigan. I think the music might give the film another sort of appeal (i.e. to make up for the obvious deficiencies in Rattigan’s script), but I couldn’t say this, even to Mr P. The general line is that with SLO and MM in the same film, everyone will flock to see it since everyone is in love with one or the other. But the play seems to me a very doubtful vehicle for two great stars, and Rattigan is going to write the screenplay too. Perhaps enough people will go to see it out of curiosity. ‘What on earth made him/her want to do a film with her/him?’
That’s something I’m curious about too.
TUESDAY, 3 JULY
Dave Orton, first assistant director to be, has a plan to get me the job of third assistant director. He has a friend who works in the ACT union office. This friend is going to tell him when the number of unemployed 3rd Ast Dirs on the union books gets really low, which it does every summer. When there are only four or five left he will ring the union and ask for a 3rd Ast Dir right away. They will send him the list of names and he will say that none of them is suitable – which is probably true. Then he will tell them that he has a young man already working in the Production Office and ask them to issue a temporary card to him. This they will have to do, and then I can work on the film on a temporary card. Once the film is over, I will have done a film and can apply for a permanent card. This is the only way round the ‘no film, no card; no card, no film’ rule.
David is brilliant. He is a very nice man underneath that gruff exterior and rather like Mr P. Both of them expect their orders to be carried out to the letter.
Every morning when Mr P comes in he asks me: ‘What’s the first thing you do, Colin?’
‘You check, Mr Perceval.’
‘And what is the second thing you do?’
‘You check again, Mr Perceval.’
‘Grmph.’
I mentioned this to David who explained that the slightest mistake in the movie world, which causes filming to be delayed by even an hour, can cause chaos later and cost millions. Just imagine the problem if everyone made a little careless slip now and again – so no one must. Directors and producers only hire you if they can be absolutely sure you will get it right. This means that you must have a well prepared fall-back position just in case things do go wrong, even if it’s not your fault. Eyes in the back of your head are a necessity not a luxury. Unlike in the Army, the blame will always fall on the lowliest person involved, and on this film that is going to be me. Never mind. I enjoy the challenge, and, for the first time, I think maybe I might have made the right decision not to do a fourth year at Oxford.