Hot Single Docs: Blinded By The Boss
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There was a note of sadness in his voice.
‘That must have been lonely.’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t have anything to compare it with.’
‘When everything’s fine, you don’t need anything to compare it with.’
There was something dull in his eyes as he focussed on her. ‘You’re saying I don’t play well with others.’ One hand clenched into a fist. ‘That’s not exactly an original thought.’
He just wasn’t listening to her. It was as if it had been drilled into Edward that being clever meant that you didn’t have a heart. ‘Maybe it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe it’s true, then ultimately it is.’
He glared at her. ‘And you have a better idea?’
He turned, as if the conversation was now at an end. He was used to having the last word. Used to being right.
‘Don’t be so arrogant...’ Even before he turned back she knew that she’d missed the mark by about a mile. Edward might look and sound arrogant, but somewhere beneath that there was a lonely child.
‘I am what I am, Charlotte. If you want to think that’s arrogant, then go right ahead.’
All of his defences were up now. The aloof, unsmiling man, whom no one seemed to be able to get close to, was turning away from her again.
She did the unthinkable. Marched straight up to him and grabbed his arm, pulling him around to face her. ‘You don’t fool me, Edward. I’ve seen you with Isaac. I saw you with Mercy the other day.’
Something behind his eyes ignited. Dark blue ice turning to sparkling heat. There was more than enough emotion here. It was just a matter of whether she could deal with it. Whether Edward could deal with it, without ducking back into the comfort of his books.
‘Mercy opened up to you, not me.’
‘Edward! Sometimes I want to shake some sense into you...!’
The provocative twitch of his lips told her that she could go right ahead, if that was her inclination, and she resisted the urge.
‘What on earth happened to you when you were a child?’
‘You think I was a poor little bright boy, with his nose in a book and no friends? It wasn’t like that.’ He pursed his lips. ‘Not quite like that, anyway.’
‘What was it like, then?’
‘I was different. By the time I was ten I could keep up with a university undergraduate on an intellectual level. On a social level, I wasn’t quite ready for women, all-night parties and beer-drinking contests. It was difficult to find my own space.’
‘You felt out of step, you mean? Your emotions and theirs?’
He looked at her gravely. Then suddenly he smiled. ‘Most people assume I don’t have any emotions.’
His look taunted her. Dared her to tell him different.
‘That’s not true, though, is it?’ She dared him back.
‘I don’t think so.’
The dare turned dangerous all of a sudden. He was waiting for her to kiss him. Charlotte baulked at that one.
‘Look, Edward, I know that you’re used to being better and faster at everything than everyone else, and that it’s a lot easier to do things by yourself. But if you want Isaac to be interested in what you’re doing then you have to slow down a bit and do things at his pace.’
He hesitated. ‘I’m...not very good at that. As you can see.’
‘No one’s born good at things like that—you have to learn. You’re supposed to be a genius. Can’t you learn? Or don’t you want to learn?’
‘I want to.’ The admission was a little stiff, and left Edward nonplussed for a moment. ‘Why don’t you go and tell Isaac...?’
She glared at him and he grinned.
‘Why don’t I go and tell him myself?’
‘Good idea.’
‘Right.’ He clapped his hands together, as if he was about to embark on one of the most complex experiments of his life. ‘Do you think he’d like his own kite? One that’s more his size, perhaps?’
Charlotte almost told him no, that Isaac didn’t need a kite. But she knew he’d want one, and Edward needed this.
‘I think he’d love that. Go and ask him.’
* * *
Edward didn’t deal in half-measures. The shop he took them to sold nothing but kites, and on a bright late summer’s morning, was full of people. He led Isaac straight to a selection of different coloured children’s kites, and the two of them became immediately absorbed in sorting through them. Charlotte decided to leave them to it.
‘I’m just going to pop to the chemist, to buy some soap. I won’t be long. Stay here with Edward, won’t you, Isaac?’ She nudged his shoulder with her hand.
Isaac ignored her in favour of the kites, and Edward looked up at her. He seemed to know how hard it always was for her to leave Isaac, even for a few minutes, and he took hold of the boy’s hand as a gesture of intent.
‘I won’t let him out of my sight. Go and do your shopping.’
She decided to take her time, to give Edward and Isaac a chance to buy the kite by themselves. There were some nice apples on display outside the greengrocer’s and she stopped to buy three, to go with the packed lunch in the boot of the car.
In the chemist’s she ran her finger along the lines of jars and bottles which were beyond her purchasing power, now.
Her old soap, the one she’d used to buy before she’d begun to make all her decisions on the basis of price, was there. Something from her old life, when she hadn’t needed to question every word, every action, every penny that she spent. She so wanted that back.
Charlotte picked it up, hesitated, put it back on the shelf, then picked it up again.
It wouldn’t matter if she had something that she wanted for once. The soap smelled nice and felt creamy on her skin, and it wasn’t so very much more expensive than the more economical brands. As luxuries went, this wasn’t so very ostentatious.
‘Come on, Mum...’ Isaac broke into the debate, tugging at her arm.
She looked round to see Edward, with a firm hold on Isaac’s other hand to prevent any possible escape.
‘Okay, just a minute. Did you get your kite?’ It was clear that he had, Edward was holding a large plastic bag.
‘Yes, do you want to see?’
‘Mmm. Yes, please.’
Isaac grinned up at Edward, who delivered the bag into his grasp. Inside was a small blue kite with a blue and silver tail.
‘Oh, that’s so pretty!’ She drew the kite out to examine its tail. ‘Those sparkly bits are going to shine in the sun when you fly it.’
Isaac nodded, carefully showing her everything. There was a ball of twine, mounted on a reel, to protect Isaac’s hands from any friction. ‘You tie it on there—see?’ Isaac indicated the reinforced eyelets on the kite. ‘With a special knot.’
Charlotte nodded, impressed. ‘A special knot, eh?’
‘Yes. Edward’s going to show me how,’ Isaac responded proudly.
Her little boy was growing up. It was almost a surprise to find that she didn’t mind that Isaac wanted Edward to help him tie the knots on his precious kite, when it felt only a blink of time since her son had looked to her for everything.
‘That’s great. Make sure you watch what he does carefully.’
‘Can we go, Mum?’ Isaac was impatient again, jigging up and down on the spot.
‘Yes, let me get my soap and we’ll be off.’ Charlotte looked up to see Edward, in a world of his own, working his way along the shelf and inspecting the ingredients lists printed on all the soap wrappers. ‘Edward?’
He jolted back into the here and now. ‘Ah. Yes.’ He focussed on the soap in her hand and took a matching bar from the shelf. ‘That one smells nice.’
She didn’t really need it. The thought that Edward liked the smell of it made her want it, though. ‘They’re all much the same. I’ll get this one.’ She put the bar back onto the shelf and reached for the cheaper brand.
‘I imagine they’re all pretty easy to make...’ He still had one foot in that world of possibilities that seemed to know no bounds. He inspected the bar in his hand. ‘Pretty standard ingredients.’
‘You might be able to make it. I’d probably blow the kitchen up. It’s just soap, Edward.’ Nothing was just anything to Edward. Everything fascinated him, from pizza-making to nuclear physics. When she was with him the world seemed bigger, far more interesting.
‘Hmm. You like this one, though?’ He still had the bar that he’d taken from the shelf in his hand.
‘This will do. It’s cheaper.’
Before she could reach into her bag for her purse Edward had given her preferred choice to Isaac, along with a note from his pocket. ‘You want to get it for your mum?’
She met his gaze. This wasn’t anything to do with kites, or soap. It was about whether she had the right to a treat, however small. Whether Edward had the right to give it to her, to claim a place in their little family.
‘Okay. Thank you.’
He nodded, grinning.
‘At last!’ Isaac conferred his displeasure on both of them and ran to the counter.
Charlotte watched as the woman at the cash desk smiled down at Isaac, took his money and put the soap into a bag, counting his change into his hand.
‘Hey! Hey, give Edward his change back.’ Isaac had pocketed the coins.
‘That’s okay.’ Edward winked at her. ‘He might be needing it later for ice-cream.’
Isaac looked from Charlotte to Edward, then back again, waiting to obtain a final decision. ‘All right, then. Here—let me zip your pocket up, so you don’t lose it.’
She bent and fastened Isaac’s pocket, then gave way to the pressure from both Edward and Isaac and hurried with them to the car. The afternoon was bright and blustery, just right for kite-flying, and the three of them seemed in complete accord. No one wanted to miss a moment of it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THEY DROVE FOR an hour, right out of London, making a beeline for high ground. The last five hundred yards had to be walked—or rather climbed—until finally they reached the exact location that Edward wanted.
‘It’s windy enough here.’ The words were almost dragged away on the breeze as soon as they left her mouth.
‘Yes. I think this will do.’ Edward looked around with an air of satisfaction. ‘Which kite shall we try first?’
‘The big one!’ Isaac was jumping up and down with excitement. ‘I want to see the big one...’
‘Okay.’ Edward grinned, laying the large kite onto the ground, clipping together the last pieces of the framework so that it was ready to fly. ‘You see, I think that the wind will catch it here...’ he indicated the breadth of the kite ‘...and funnel through this way...’ A sweep of the hand to show the anticipated wind direction. ‘That should give it extra lift, and the weight of the tail makes it steadier.’ He grinned. ‘That’s the theory, anyway.’
‘Will it work?’ Isaac stamped his foot impatiently.
‘That’s what we’re here to find out. It’s all very well to have a theory, but you always have to test it out... Here, you hang on there.’
Edward gave the kite to Isaac and winked at Charlotte, walking away from them as he unravelled the twin reels of lightweight cord.
He paced out the distance and called back to Isaac, ‘Okay, hold it up...’
Charlotte kept a discreet hold on the top of the kite, in case Isaac decided to let go of it before he was supposed to.
‘Now, on my count... One...two...three...let her go!’
The kite rose in a straight line, up into the clear blue sky. Isaac shouted at the top of his voice in excitement, and suddenly the only thing to do was to shout with him.
‘Nooooo!’ The kite dipped erratically and Isaac screamed in horror.
Edward fought for control for long moments and then the kite soared upwards again. Charlotte cheered, and Isaac followed suit, running towards Edward.
‘That didn’t quite work...’ Edward was grinning at her. ‘Perhaps I’ll just concentrate on keeping it up there at this stage.’
‘I want to hold it... Pleeeease...’ Isaac was pulling at Charlotte’s windcheater in excitement.
‘I don’t think so, sweetie. It’s very hard to control. We don’t want you flying away with the kite.’
‘Owww.’ Isaac seemed to think that flying away was an added bonus.
‘What about yours?’ Edward reeled his kite in and turned his attention to Isaac’s blue and silver kite.
Isaac’s face was a picture. Happiness that he was a part of their great enterprise and not just relegated to watching. Pride when the kite soared up into the sky, with Edward kneeling at his side, showing him how to control it.
‘Thank you.’ Charlotte caught at his sleeve as he stepped back, letting Isaac go solo. ‘Thank you so much.’
Edward nodded in satisfaction. ‘Every boy needs a kite. I’m just going to make a few adjustments to mine and perhaps you’ll help me launch it again.’
A few knots, a little staring into the middle distance as Edward estimated airflow and wind speed, and the kite was up in the air again, this time flying more steadily. Charlotte ran back to Edward’s side and he looped his arms over her head.
‘Here, you try. Take hold of the reels.’
She pressed her hands over his, trying to stop her fingers from trembling. The wind around them buffeted her, but she was safe in his arms, her back against his strong body, his scent surrounding her and then blown away by the wind.
‘That’s right.’
His lips were almost touching her ear.
‘Pull it a bit to the right.’ He guided her arm and the kite dipped to the right, shooting back upwards as the breeze caught it again. ‘Ooops. Hang on tight.’
Suddenly he had left her, and was loping across to Isaac, who was struggling to keep his kite in the air.
Charlotte concentrated hard on controlling her own little bit of airspace while Edward restored Isaac’s kite safely back above their heads. He made sure that Isaac was happily in control again and then he was back.
‘What do you think?’ He was surveying the flight path of the kite.
‘It’s pulling really hard...’ Her arms were already beginning to ache.
Edward chuckled, looping his arms around her again. ‘Let me give you a hand with it.’
He wasn’t helping at all. All that happened was that she melted into his arms, turning to jelly and losing whatever strength she had left. He was controlling not only the kite but her as well. She let go of the kite strings and he strengthened his grip, catching them just in time. Turning in his arms, she faced him.
His rakish half-smile told her that this was just what he wanted. ‘Giving up already?’
‘You’re so much better at it than I am.’
‘Think so? You dip beautifully.’ He leaned towards her.
She couldn’t do this. Not with Isaac just yards away—even if he was paying them no attention.
She ducked out of the circle of his arms, feeling the wind suddenly chill her. ‘Are you hungry?’
Edward chuckled. ‘Ravenous.’
She fixed him with a glare. Even the thought of Peter’s quiet charm, and the way that had worked out, wasn’t enough to calm the insistent thunder in her veins. Peter was like a faded shadow of a man next to Edward. Edward was different. Different from pretty much everyone she’d ever met.
‘Would you like an apple?’ She gritted her teeth and doggedly refused to take any notice of the alternative interpretation of hungry that the curve of his eyebrow suggested.
‘In a minute. I’ve got my hands full at the moment.’ His gaze left her, flipping over towards Isaac. ‘Steady on, there, chief...’
Charlotte ran to her son, helping him to pull on the string so that the kite fluttered upwards again. ‘Enjoying yourself, sweetie?’ She whispered the words tremulously in his ear.
‘Yes, Mum.’ Isaac’s attention was on the kite, its tail shimmering and sparkling in the sunshine. He submitted to a hug for a moment and then wriggled free.
‘Good. I’m glad.’
She could have cried. The scared little boy who had clung to her when the debt collectors knocked on the door was gone. In his place a child who was enjoying himself so much that he had no time for his mother’s cuddles.
‘All right over there?’ Edward nodded over to Isaac.
‘Just fine. He loves this.’
‘Yeah. Me, too.’
* * *
Edward sat at the piano, his fingers wandering across the keys, playing a soft melody of his own composition. He’d had a great time. The kite had flown better than he’d expected once he’d made a few adjustments to the lines which had altered its angle of flight slightly. Isaac had liked his kite, too, and had insisted on taking it to bed with him. And Charlotte...
He’d planned to give her a great day—help her forget about the troubles of the past week. And she’d shone in the sunshine like a beautiful jewel, full of life and light. But however hard he tried to please her he seemed to end up only pleasing himself, as the echoes of her joie de vivre washed over him.
Charlotte. The chords seemed to sing out her name. A sudden slip into a minor key lent an element of yearning to the music that hadn’t been there before.
‘Why so sad?’
He hadn’t noticed her behind him, standing in the doorway which led from the kitchen. He stopped playing abruptly, aware that the music had given away much more than he had ever intended. ‘It’s a slow piece of music.’
A slight frown of disbelief. It seemed that he could lie to the rest of the world, but Charlotte caught him out every time.
‘I recognise it. You’ve played it before.’
When he’d played it before it had been just a dalliance with the keys. Now it was a full-blown, passionate love affair, full of all the conflicting emotions in his heart. ‘It’s a work in progress. It changes every time.’
She nodded. Walked over to him. ‘Will you play it again?’
‘No.’ She couldn’t lure him in like that. If the music insisted on betraying him, then he’d stick to other people’s compositions. ‘I mean...I need to think about it a bit more.’
She nodded and he beckoned her over. This time she sat down next to him on the piano stool as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
‘Would you like something else?’
‘If you want.’ She smiled. ‘Whatever you want.’
‘Your turn to choose.’
She grinned. ‘What was it you were playing the other night?’ She hummed a few chords, her voice clear and tuneful.
‘You’ve got a good ear. Most people don’t get that bit right.’ He reproduced the chords she’d sung and she smiled, singing along with the music.
He’d played this song thousands of times before. Kathy had liked this one, too, but it had never felt like this. Never as if he was caressing someone with the music. Never so head-swimmingly erotic.
He hadn’t thought about Kathy in years. If asked, he would have said that he’d forgotten her, but it seemed that she’d just lain dormant in his memory, waiting to emerge and reprimand him for having ignored the lesson she’d taught him.
‘What’s the matter?’
Charlotte was closer now, and Edward realised that he’d stopped playing.
He shrugged. ‘This song reminds me of...someone I used to know.’
‘Should I be sorry?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. It was a long time ago. When I was at university.’
‘Which time?’
‘The second. Kathy was a medical student.’
She nodded. ‘First love?’
He shrugged. ‘I suppose so.’
It had been more like a first friendship, really. Kathy had been quiet, studious, so like him that everyone had reckoned they were made for each other and it was just a matter of time before they got married.
When she’d left him, citing a lack of emotional commitment on Edward’s part as her reason, it had been proof positive to all their friends that Edward was the cold fish they’d always marked him down as being.
She nodded. ‘My first love was Isaac’s father. That didn’t work out too well.’
‘But you loved him once...’ The words almost choked Edward.
‘You know they say that love is blind?’ She looked up at him and he nodded. ‘Well, I don’t think so. I think that real love sees everything.’
‘Do you think you can really ever see everything about someone?’
‘I don’t know. In the absence of any substantive evidence either way, I’ll have to say that it’s just a theory. But they say that true love lasts, and I don’t love him now.’ Her mouth twisted, as if the joke was really on her.
Something inside him raged in bitter triumph. The impulse to tear Charlotte’s ex limb from limb de-escalated to wanting to give him a more minor, if acutely painful, set of injuries. If she didn’t care about him any more then Edward could live with that.
‘You can’t regret all of it. Isaac...’
‘Isaac’s the best thing that ever happened to me.’ She laid a finger on his shoulder, as if alerting him to something. ‘Good things do come from bad.’
‘If you make them.’
Charlotte had that ability. As for himself... Nothing good or bad had come from his time with Kathy. Just a lingering doubt about whether he really could ever commit to anyone. After everything that had happened today that doubt suddenly seemed to matter a great deal.
She was looking steadily at him. That silent interrogation which he found so difficult to withstand. Why didn’t she just ask?
‘How long were you and Kathy together?’
‘Three years.’
She nodded. Seemed to be about to ask more, and then didn’t. That was as well, really. The nagging feeling of failure whenever Kathy’s name was mentioned made him uncomfortable.
‘So we’re two of a kind, then.’ She gave a little sigh.
‘What makes you say that?’ Charlotte was warm, bubbly—everyone knew without even thinking about it that there was nothing she didn’t know about emotional commitment.
‘Both still waiting for the right one to come along.’
It felt as if the right one was sitting next to him. But that must be another mistake, because Charlotte clearly didn’t think so.
‘No. I’m not waiting.’ Edward told himself, with less conviction than normal, that he had everything he needed. His work, his books. The textured, multicoloured, harmonic flow of the world around him, perfect in all its intricacies.
‘Better watch out, then.’
He was aware that her gaze was on him.
‘Why?’
‘That’s when things sneak up on you from behind. When you least expect them.’
He turned to tell her that she was wrong—one smooth movement which began with a shake of his head, and ended with her lips. She gave a little start of surprise and then... Then she kissed him back.
Soft...slow.
Edward was taking it gently, giving her every opportunity to draw back from him, but that was the very last thing that Charlotte wanted to do. When he brushed his fingers against her neck, his thumb caressing her jaw, she felt her breath quicken.
He was all for the moment. Each touch was special and not to be rushed. Every breath was one they wouldn’t take again, unique and remarkable. His fingertips found hers, touching, sensing, and then wrapping around her hand, drawing it upwards. Holding her gaze, he brushed his lips against the back of her fingers.
There was more. Simmering beneath the surface. Waiting. He took the pace up a notch, just one, his hand on the nape of her neck, pulling her in for another kiss. This time there was an edge to it, a promise of so much more if she could only stand this long, slow preamble.
He didn’t call out her name. Made no profession of desire, or love, or even friendship. He didn’t need to. It was all there in his kiss, the heat banking and flaring until she felt herself begin to tremble.
They broke apart. Charlotte’s heart was thudding in her chest, her lungs pulling in air.
‘Does that make any difference?’ he asked.
‘What do you mean?’ Of course it made a difference. Edward’s kiss made all the difference in the world. Fear clutched at her.
‘I mean does that make you or me into different people? Change any of our views on life?’
She wished it did, but all of the old doubts were still there, the dread that she might fall back into disaster again. ‘No.’