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‘Okay. I’ll look.’ Julie reached for the photograph, struggling to get it out of the envelope with just one hand. Jenna didn’t move to help her. Tough love. But it was love, all the same, the kind that was going to haul Julie through this, kicking and screaming if necessary.
Jenna craned over to see the photograph. ‘Who’s the boy that she’s with?’
‘That’s Rick. They’re married now.’
Jenna exchanged looks with Julie. ‘He’s nice. I think he’s more of a Ricky than a Rick, don’t you?’
Julie giggled. ‘Yeah. Pretty neat guy.’
It wasn’t exactly textbook stuff, but it was working. The last thing that Julie was seeing were the faint scars on Claudia’s leg. She was seeing a young woman, happy and in love, her handsome boyfriend at her side. Jenna worked round to the scars, but only after she’d made her point about Rick not caring about them. Adam’s hand strayed absently to his shoulder. She was almost making him feel better.
‘Can you make me a copy of this?’ Julie regarded Adam, obviously assessing his age and likely technical competence. ‘Do you know how to do that?’
‘I’ve got a copy. Take this.’
‘So you like the younger man, do you?’ All the way down to the canteen, Adam had been smiling at something, and that was obviously it.
‘Oh, go boil your head.’ Jenna stuffed her take-away sandwich into his hand while she rummaged in her bag for her purse, then grabbed the sandwich back again. She wasn’t best pleased with him, but tact prevented Jenna from challenging him here and now on the matter.
He shot her a puzzled look and her exasperation began to cool. Not before he’d noticed it, though. ‘Want to talk about it?’ Before she could stop him, he’d taken her sandwich back, showing it to the cashier and then walking away with it to a quiet spot in the far corner of the canteen.
As soon as she reached the table where he was sitting, she made a lunge for the sandwich, but he was too quick for her, holding it out of her reach. ‘So you’re going to starve me into submission now, are you?’
‘If necessary.’
‘I do have money, you know. I can go and get another one.’ Jenna plumped herself down on the chair opposite.
‘You’re not going to, though.’
She probably shouldn’t have shown her hand by sitting down. ‘No. I’m not.’ He pushed her sandwich across the table towards her with one finger, and Jenna took possession of it. ‘You might have told me about being shot. That you know about trauma first hand.’ She lowered her voice, hissing the words across the table at him.
‘I might have done.’ He rubbed thoughtfully at his shoulder. ‘I would have done, if I’d known that I was going to tell Julie.’
‘That’s not the point. Do you really think that you’re best placed to help her if you’ve still got issues of your own to deal with?’
‘Who says that I do?’
The look in his eyes, for a start. And Jenna was sure that she’d not been mistaken when she’d thought she’d heard his stifled cry last night. Even though she hadn’t seen him, she’d sensed his presence out on the patio. ‘Well, do you?’
‘Not where Julie’s concerned. I have it under control.’ Maybe he saw the disbelief in her eyes. ‘If you want to know, you should just ask. Rob drives me crazy, tiptoeing around what happened as if it’s some guilty secret.’
‘Well, tact never was Rob’s strong point.’ She got a grin in response. ‘I would like to know, but the canteen’s probably not the best place in the world to have this conversation.’ Jenna looked around awkwardly.
‘It’s okay. My fiancée and I were both shot eighteen months ago in Guatemala, in a roadside ambush that went bad. Elena died, and I pulled through. I struggled with it, for a long time.’
The mixed emotions jostling in her chest drained away, leaving only horror and shock. ‘Adam, I’m so sorry.’
He slid his hand across the table towards hers, as if he should be the one to comfort her. ‘It happened and I won’t say that it hasn’t changed me. But I’d never let it compromise the welfare of any patient.’
‘No.’ Her fingers were trembling, and she pressed them down onto the tabletop to steady them. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have insinuated that.’
‘But I still should have told you?’
‘Yes, I think you should.’
He nodded. ‘So do I. And I want you to promise me something.’
Anything. She’d do anything she could to help him. ‘Okay.’
‘If you ever think that a personal issue is getting in the way of my treatment of a patient, you’ll tell me. I don’t mean dropped hints or concerned noises, but words of one syllable.’
‘I can do that. I’m better at words of one syllable than I am at hints.’
He grinned. ‘Thought you might be.’ He looked at his watch. ‘As we’re here, do you have time for some coffee?’
‘Yes, of course.’ Those honest eyes of his. Never once countenancing pity, but demanding respect. Jenna could almost feel them drawing her in, inch by inch. ‘I’ve another twenty minutes of my lunch break left, and they’ll page me if they need me.’ He went to stand and she beat him to it. ‘Stay there, I’ll get them.’
Things were beginning to make sense. He’d papered over the cracks of his own trauma so effectively that it only surfaced at night when he couldn’t suppress it with an effort of will. And by the time Jenna returned with the coffee, setting his cup down in front of him, he had already moved on and was thinking about something else.
‘Acid’s a very personal way to attack someone.’
‘It was personal. Kind of.’ Jenna tipped some milk into his cup. ‘Julie has a sister, a year older than her. They’re very alike, could be twins. She’d borrowed her sister’s blouse and jacket to go out in.’
‘And the acid was meant for her sister?’
‘Yes. An ex-boyfriend who held a grudge. The parents knew there was a problem there, and had been keeping an eye on Julie’s sister.’
‘And no one thought to stop Julie from going out dressed in her sister’s clothes?’ Anger suffused every line of his face.
‘Easy to be wise after the event. I’ve talked to the parents and put in an urgent request for counselling for Julie’s sister, but she’s not at the top of the priority list.’
He sighed, his finger and thumb massaging the bridge of his nose. ‘Do you think it would help if you and I had an informal chat with the whole family?’
Jenna turned the idea over in her head, and decided to trust him. ‘Yeah. Yes, I think that would help a lot.’
He’d seemed glad of her company over coffee, and almost relieved when Jenna had steered the conversation round to lighter topics. Relaxed now, he strolled with her all the way back down to A and E, staying to chat to Jenna’s colleague Brenda while Jenna went to the locker room. And he was still there when she returned.
‘I saw penguins last year when I went to New Zealand. I wasn’t too keen on the little blighters but my friend was mad to see them.’ Brenda’s blond hair, piled up on the top of her head in a messy confection of highlights and low-lights, was shining, along with her smile.
‘Yeah?’ Brenda had caught Adam’s interest and he hardly noticed Jenna’s return. ‘I’d love to go to New Zealand.’
‘Great place. We stopped off in Hong Kong on the way.’ Brenda was a seasoned traveller, saving her money and her annual leave for somewhere far-flung every summer. ‘I’m planning to go to India this year.’
His arms were folded on the counter in front of him and he leaned forward towards Brenda. ‘Are you? Whereabouts?’
Brenda had his full attention now and they were swapping stories about places they’d been, things they’d seen. Jenna didn’t have much to contribute to that conversation. Sure, she got itchy feet from time to time, who didn’t? But her yearning to see the world had been smothered by the need for security, her home, her career. One day, maybe, she’d have that sufficiently sorted to venture out a little.
‘Tell him to come along, Jen.’ Brenda was nudging her elbow.
‘Uh? Where?’ She’d lost track, reckoning that Brenda and Adam were doing fine on their own.
‘To the softball match next Friday evening.’ Brenda turned her attention back to Adam. ‘All the hospitals have teams, and we have a kind of league. We’re playing the Marylebone Medics, and they take it all very seriously, you know, practising and not drinking beer until afterwards.’ Brenda’s eye assessed the full breadth of Adam’s shoulders with something more than professional interest. ‘I bet you’re pretty handy with a bat. We might just stand a chance if I can persuade Rob to play as well.’
‘Where do you play?’ Adam seemed to be weighing up the offer.
‘Hyde Park. Over in the southern section, there’s always plenty of room on the sports field to stake a pitch. Our team’s the Bankside Cheetahs—because we cheat, not because we resemble a graceful, fast-moving animal.’ Brenda giggled. ‘Although Jenna has her moments.’
‘Right. Like last month when I tripped over your foot.’
‘That was just unlucky. Anyway, we’re never too proud to welcome a ringer on to the team.’
‘I work here. Part time for the next month, anyway.’
‘Oh, well, that’s even better.’ Brenda was scenting victory. ‘I thought you were lecturing at the university. They’ve got their own team but you don’t want to be with that lot. Far too young and enthusiastic.’
Adam chuckled. ‘I’m filling in with a couple of shifts a week here, as well as working with the reconstructive surgery team.’ He grinned. ‘We’re all sharing knowledge. So, assuming that I’m old and cynical enough for the Bankside Cheetahs, I’m totally legit.’
‘Well, that’s sorted, then.’ Brenda turned her green eyes on to him, full force. ‘I was wondering what that orange circle on the roster was. Stands for knowledge-sharing, does it?’
‘Guess so.’ Adam glanced at his watch. ‘But since I’m supposed to be sharing elsewhere today, I’d better make myself scarce.’ He gifted Brenda with a devastating smile and nodded at Jenna. ‘Later.’
Brenda watched Adam through the automatic doors, chewing speculatively on the end of her pencil. ‘How did it go with Julie?’
‘Good. He really got through to her. And he was honest with her, didn’t treat her as if she was stupid, just because she’s young. From what I saw of his case notes at the lecture yesterday, he’s an exceptional surgeon.’
‘Praise indeed.’ Brenda shot a querying glance towards Reception and received a signal that all was quiet. ‘So you’re practically living with him. What’s the story, any lady visitors?’
‘Give him a chance, he’s only been here two days.’ Jenna could see exactly where this conversation was headed. ‘You interested, then?’
Brenda shrugged. ‘Don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.’
Jenna shrugged. There was no reason why he shouldn’t be dating again. She doubted that Adam was short on offers.
‘I wouldn’t know. You’ll have to ask him. Or Rob, he’d probably know.’
‘I didn’t mean that.’ Brenda was looking at her pointedly.
‘Me?’ Jenna flushed, shaking her head. ‘What are you, mad?’
‘What’s wrong with that? He’s good-looking, seems like a nice guy. Unless you’ve still got an arrangement with Joe …?’
‘Joe? He’s been gone nearly a year now.’
Brenda pursed her lips. ‘I thought that maybe you were waiting for him or something. You two did seem very cosy right before he left. Didn’t strike me as if it was the end of the road somehow.’
Cosy was not the word for it. It had been more like agonised prayer on Jenna’s part that a miracle would happen and he wouldn’t leave. Or that he’d want her to go with him to Australia. Something, anything other than the harsh reality that he’d just felt like a change of scene and she wasn’t included in his future plans.
‘No. We split up for good.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realise, Jen, you seemed so okay with it all that I thought that you two had worked something out.’ Realisation dawned on Brenda’s face. ‘But you were just playing nice, weren’t you?’
Jenna shrugged away the hurt. It had been the same when her parents had left, easier to pretend that she didn’t care and just get on with her life. ‘Joe’s ancient history. And Adam’s not my type.’
‘I would have thought he was pretty much anyone’s type.’ Brenda shot her a suspicious look. ‘But, then, he’s not around for long, is he.’
‘Exactly. Having one boyfriend leave the country is bad luck. Two looks like carelessness.’ Add her parents to the list and it was criminal negligence. Jenna swallowed the thought and grinned at Brenda. ‘I could ask you round some time if you’re interested, though.’
The idea seemed to appeal to Brenda, but she shook her head. ‘No. You know me, I don’t run after men. Always better to let them come to you.’
Fair enough. On the evidence of his reactions, Adam might just do that. Brenda was good-hearted, pretty and she knew how to have a good time. No tangled strings. No stupid hang-ups. Just as long as he remembered to close the French doors at night, if he did decide to take Brenda up on the offer that Jenna reckoned she was pretty much certain to make.
CHAPTER FOUR
IT was his fourth night in the flat, and the fourth night in a row that the dream had come. He guessed that it was the change of scene that had brought the dreams back so often. So vividly. Adam gritted his teeth and got on with it. Get out of bed. Shake the dream off. Walk a little and then go back to bed and hope that this time his sleep was untroubled.
The dream clung to him as if he had fallen into a pit of stinking mud. Maybe his talk with Julie and her family that afternoon hadn’t helped. It had gone well, but he hadn’t been able to get the haunted look in Julie’s sister’s eyes out of his head.
He padded through to the kitchen and got himself a glass of water, drinking it down in one go. Throwing on jeans and an old T-shirt, he slipped noiselessly through the open French doors and onto the patio to get some air.
‘Okay?’ Her voice sounded above him, making him jump. Adam wondered whether any of the cries that had sounded through his dream had been real and had woken her.
‘Yeah. Warm night again.’
‘Yes. I can’t sleep.’ They both skirted carefully around the real reason for Adam’s wakefulness. And perhaps for hers. He’d heard the click of the balcony doors above him more than once these past couple of nights.
Adam sat down on the wide steps of the fire escape. ‘Join me?’ It was probably a bad idea, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d seen her often enough over the last couple of days, but she had seemed remote, less willing to connect with him, and it had chilled him to the marrow.
Her footsteps were silent behind him, but he felt the silky material of her dressing gown brush against his arm as she walked down the steps and sat down next to him. She smelled just lovely. Like an English country garden after a downpour of rain, sweet and clean, with a touch of the deep scent of the earth.
‘Is this why you wouldn’t stay with Rob and Cassie?’ Her voice was quiet, measured. Soothing, like the dark stillness of the night. ‘They wouldn’t have minded, you know.’
‘I do.’ The hairs on the back of his wrist were standing on end where the silky material had touched him. The brief sensation had almost made him cry out.
‘For Ellie and Daisy?’
‘Yeah. The drawing that Ellie did …’
Her soft laugh echoed through his empty heart. ‘That was beautiful. Bright colours, smiley faces. It didn’t seem like a sad picture to me.’
‘To me either. A year ago, six months even, I couldn’t have looked at it without breaking down. But now it makes me smile. Elena would have loved it.’ He shifted a little, working at the tension across his shoulders. ‘This … The dreams aren’t for Ellie to know about, though. They’re something different.’
‘How?’
All he’d wanted these past few days had been for her to challenge him, help him break free of the shackles that were stopping him from doing what all his instincts clamoured for. He’d asked her to be honest with him, speak plainly, and she had. But it wasn’t enough.
‘I don’t want to go there, Jenna.’
He felt her shrink away from him. ‘I’m sorry. Fools rush in …’
He was suddenly so sick of this. Sick of the complex dance they’d been doing, never getting too close but unable to keep their distance. ‘Angels don’t fear anything.’
‘I wish I could take a leaf out of their book.’
Maybe he should too. Act as if he was on the side of the angels. Pretend that what he’d told her already was all there was to it, and that there wasn’t another part of him that had been irrevocably broken that day on the road.
‘Perhaps they should take one from yours.’
She laughed quietly into the moonlight, shaking her head. ‘I don’t think so somehow.’
Something whispered against his arm, feather soft. The wings of a moth, maybe, or one of the butterflies from her garden, out on a late-night spree. Or maybe it had been a lock of her hair.
‘You underestimate yourself. You can teach them a thing or two.’ He dipped in a little closer and found that her lips were already there. Euphoria swamped the voice of reason. It would just be one kiss. A man didn’t have to fall in love, risk everything again, just for one kiss.
If she’d have stayed still, quiet, maybe he could have resisted her. But he felt her fingers on his jaw, skimming across the night’s stubble. Then she whispered his name, and ripped every last thread of his resolve to tatters.
His hands found her waist and she slid onto his lap. He kissed her, heat banking and flaring in his chest until his head began to swim.
‘Mmm. That was foolish.’ Her lips brushed warmly against his, full of the promise of what he hadn’t yet tasted.
‘Very.’ If the first kiss could be explained away as a heat-of-the-moment thing, the second trashed that particular excuse. They both knew exactly what they were doing. Her gaze locked with his and he was lost, drowning in the deep blue waters of her eyes. Adam poured everything he had, everything he was into the kiss, letting the long, slow beat of their passion take him.
Finally, he let his lips slip from hers and he held her gently to his chest, not caring that she could surely hear the urgent pumping of his heart. She was silent for a long time and when she did speak her voice was almost a whisper. ‘Adam, I …’
He rested his cheek against her hair. ‘I know. The most foolish things can be the sweetest.’
She laughed quietly and he was glad that he had pleased her. ‘Got a little carried away, I guess.’
She knew it wasn’t only that just as well as he did. But Adam already cared about her too much to short-change her by taking this any further. ‘Yes. Something about a hot summer night. Jenna, I’m sorry if …’
‘It’s okay. I know.’ She hung her head, moving to get up off his lap, but he pulled her down. He may not be able to take this any further, but he wouldn’t have her believe what she so obviously seemed to think.
‘When I kissed you, Jenna, it was you that I wanted. Just you.’
She gnawed at her lip uncertainly, seeming to be unable to take that fact in. Reality was closing back in on both of them, wrenching them apart, but he couldn’t let her go without knowing that these last moments had been special. He dropped a kiss onto the end of his finger, pressing it against her lips, and felt them curve in a smile.
‘I suppose I’d better go. Before either of us starts anything we can’t finish.’ She didn’t move from his lap.
‘That would be best.’ He’d committed himself once to a woman. But that was when he had believed in love without loss. And he had a ready-made excuse not to take this any further. ‘I’m only here for a month and then I have to leave.’
‘I know.’ She seemed almost relieved, as if that had settled some conflict that was going on in her head. A flash of mischief crossed her face. ‘Great kiss, though.’
‘Yeah. One of the best.’ The best, as far as he could remember, but saying that would only get him into more trouble than he was already in.
Wordlessly she jumped to her feet, almost running past him and up the steps of the fire escape. Seconds later the click of the door catch above him told him that she had gone straight inside.
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