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“So distract me.” Waiting, he watched her. “Come here.”
Trying to pretend the husky timbre of his voice didn’t affect her, she shook her head. If she moved, even one-tenth of an inch, she’d be all over him. Devouring him, as she’d wanted to do ever since he’d come back from the dead.
Not good.
Mouth dry, she tried to concentrate on something else. Like how badly she needed to file her nails. Or brush her hair. Except she couldn’t. Such a routine grooming shouldn’t become sensual, but with Sean in the room, even breathing aroused her.
So she kept still, unwilling to move and let him know how he affected her.
“Stop.” Pleased with her brisk tone, she shook her finger at him. “It’s almost morning. You need to try to rest. Thinking about sex won’t help you go to sleep.”
“I haven’t been with anyone else.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “What?”
“You heard me.”
Why he felt compelled to share this information, she didn’t know. Unless he thought telling her would make her give in. She was glad he didn’t know how badly she wanted to give in. She supposed she ought to consider herself lucky he was injured.
“Your faithfulness—or lack of—doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does.” He sounded firm. “I took a vow, in a church. I swore before God and this green earth that there’d be only you.”
Impatient now, afraid to think about what his confession meant, she shifted on the bed. “You don’t have to lie. I know you. You’re a very sensual man. There’s no way you went so long without any … feminine attention.”
He didn’t answer, drawing her gaze to him as he’d no doubt known his silence would.
Despite the hell he’d just gone through, he looked damn good. The devil himself couldn’t have looked better. His rugged features had gone serious, watching her in that intense way he had, his eyes dark and full of secrets. His black hair gleamed in the artificial light, one lock falling forward onto his brow. In times past, she’d always brushed that wayward strand back, and he’d grabbed her wrist and kissed her hand.
She shivered, telling herself to look away yet totally unable to.
Sean.
He waited, powerful arms relaxed, his hands dark against the pale blanket, and let her look at him. No doubt, she thought with irritation, he wanted her to remember the sensual pleasures they’d once shared. He wanted to tempt her with more than an apple, even knowing that if she touched him now, she’d be giving up what was left of her soul.
She couldn’t, wouldn’t let that happen. No matter how badly she wanted him, this dark, fallen angel who’d once belonged to her.
The woman who’d loved him had died when she’d thought he’d died. Just because he’d come back to life didn’t mean she could.
“Two years, Sean. It’s been two years. You pretended to be dead, for heaven’s sake! Don’t you dare try to seduce me now.”
“Natalie, I—”
“No.” She shifted uncomfortably. “And you shouldn’t even be thinking that way. You’re wounded.”
“Only my leg and foot. The rest of me is fine.”
His quip elicited no smile from her. “Stop.”
“Please,” he said. That one word nearly undid her, because the Sean McGregor she’d known had never had to ask her for anything. She’d given of herself freely and with pleasure, always happy to put her love for him in physical terms.
“You’re killing me,” she managed, clearing her throat to try to force out coherent words. “Quit. Just quit.”
Another man might have laughed or attempted to defend himself by pointing out that he’d done nothing, made no move.
Not Sean. He understood, as she’d known he would. Their relationship had always been both cerebral and physical.
Her sigh was full of regret. “Working with you is more difficult than I thought it would be.”
“You’re telling me.” He gave her a rueful smile, finally letting her see the pain in his eyes. “I’d leave, but moving would be rather painful right now, in more ways than one.”
Closing her eyes, she inhaled sharply, unable to prevent herself from remembering what he’d been like when fully aroused.
“I’ll go.” She pushed herself to her feet, moving unsteadily toward the bathroom.
Closing the door, she turned on the tap and splashed water on her face. Cold water. Eyeing her dripping face in the mirror, she hated the lingering desire she saw there. She’d had two years to lose every hint of weakness inside her. Evidently she hadn’t been successful. One look from Sean had her wanting to melt.
Taking a deep breath, she emerged from the lavatory.
Sean had fallen asleep. Good.
Without changing her clothes, she climbed into the bed next to him, sliding under the covers. They both needed their rest. Tomorrow promised to be a long day.
Tonight promised to be an even longer night.
The chime of her cell phone woke her. Groggy, she flipped open the casing and muttered a hello.
“Natalie?” Not only did her father sound wide awake, but unnaturally cheery. “Are you all right?”
“Yes.” She shot Sean a quick glance. The phone and her voice had awakened him, too. He lay on his side and watched her, eyes gleaming in the dim light. “We were still asleep. Late night.”
“Did you learn anything relevant?”
“Only that someone really wants me dead. Some shooter with an AK-47 came after me. Sean was hit.”
The sharp sound of her father inhaling told her he was stunned. He’d always liked Sean. “How badly is he hurt?”
“Not life-threatening. I got the bullet out, but combined with his broken foot, he’s in no shape for a manhunt.”
“I see. I don’t suppose there’s a chance you could talk him into going back to the Highlands to heal?”
The Highlands. She felt a sharp stab of pain. “Is that where he’s been all this time?”
“Hasn’t he told you anything?”
“No.” Unable to keep the bitterness from her voice, Natalie sighed, aware of Sean listening. “Sean has said precious little about what he’s been doing since he ‘died.’”
Silence fell while her father digested this. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I promise you, if I’d known, I would have moved heaven and hell to get you to him.”
“I know.” Tiredly, Natalie bit back a sharp retort, concentrating on sounding calm, cool and collected, as an expert field operative should. “I’m surprised Corbett didn’t tell you.”
Her father’s deep chuckle reassured her. “You know how he is. He only reveals what he wants, when he wants. I’m sure he believed this was in your best interest.”
“Maybe. But I would have liked a say in deciding that.”
“I know. But you’ve got to move forward, Natalie. Whatever you decide about Sean, you’ve got to go on with your life.”
Easy for him to say. But he was right, as usual.
Blinking back tears and swallowing against the hot ache in her throat, Natalie realized her hand was beginning to go numb from her white-knuckled grip on the phone. She relaxed her fingers and straightened her shoulders.
“I’m trying, Papa,” she whispered.
“Good.” After exchanging a few more pleasantries, her father rang off. Natalie closed the phone and looked up to find Sean watching her.
“Papa said you’ve been living in the Highlands.”
Expression shuttered, he nodded. “Yes.”
She’d only been there once, and he’d taken her. Her first impression had been of chilly damp mystery—the land shrouded itself in mist, hiding its secrets.
“If I remember correctly, you didn’t see much of the scenery when we were there,” he drawled.
Her cheeks warmed. “True.” They’d been newly married and had spent the entire time in bed. From the way Sean’s eyes darkened, she knew he remembered, too.
“I never forgot,” he said. “As I matter of fact, I bought a cottage in a glen near where we stayed.”
Helpless to move, she could only stare. “Why, Sean? Why?”
“It’s beautiful there. Peaceful. No bloodshed or gunshots or murder. Just sheep and goats and the occasional bark of a collie.”
“You sound as though you made a home there.”
“In a way. But my cottage always missed something.”
She didn’t want to ask—but she had to. “What? What were you missing there?”
“You.”
For the space of several heartbeats they stared at each other, his gaze full of longing, making her wonder if the same need showed in her eyes.
Once, they wouldn’t have hesitated. Sex had been a balm on anything, a mind-blotting sort of plaster they’d used to fill the cracks in their relationship. And there had been fractures, she realized now. She’d been too blind to see them or, if she’d noticed at all, she’d believed herself too happy to care.
But what about Sean? Had these small fissures become a huge crevice to him? Had this been why he hadn’t trusted her enough, why he’d felt he had to do something as drastic as fake his own death?
Second chances were hard to come by, and she refused to begin even the possibility of healing by using sex as a balm. Not this time. Not ever again.
Tossing her cell phone to Sean, she climbed out of bed. “I’ve got the first shower. If Corbett calls back, talk to him.”
Chapter 7
As the door closed behind Natalie, Sean sighed. He felt like an idiot, mooning after her when she continued to make it clear she wanted nothing to do with him.
Yet he’d seen her when she didn’t know he was watching, when she let her guard down.
She wanted him as badly as he craved her.
This, and only this, kept his hope alive. Sex between them had always been out of this world.
The shower started and he allowed himself the fantasy of joining her. Once, they’d taken turns surprising the other, slipping in the tub and playing with the soap. He grew hard just thinking about it. If he kept this up, he’d have to make his shower an icy-cold one.
Natalie’s cell phone rang, distracting him. For half a second, he debated ignoring it and letting her return the call, but he snatched it up and said hello.
Corbett’s clipped British accent boomed through the earpiece. While Sean spoke with him, he heard Natalie turn off the shower. A mental image of drying her with a fluffy white towel had to be pushed away as Sean tried to concentrate on listening to his former boss.
Corbett rang off and Sean closed the phone as Natalie emerged from the bathroom, finger-brushing her damp hair. She glanced at him, noticed him holding her phone, and froze. “Did he call?”
“Yeah, that was Corbett. He’s arranged a drop-off for us.”
She visibly relaxed. “I hope he’s providing more weapons.”
“Yes, and other supplies. He specifically mentioned a laptop.”
Her smile made him ache. “Wow, that was fast. Where’s he leaving it?”
“Bus station, downtown. In about forty-five minutes.”
“That’s so clichéd it works.” She laughed, then bent over to shake out her short locks. When she straightened, her hair stood out from her head in wanton disarray.
He couldn’t stop staring at her. She looked like a beautiful, exotic stranger.
“What?” She lifted a brow. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I can’t get used to you with red hair.”
Her smile faded. He could have sworn she looked wounded for half a second, before she lifted one shoulder in what might have passed for a carefree shrug if he hadn’t known her. “I know I look better as a blonde, but my hair color doesn’t matter right now.”
Ah, but it did. Only he couldn’t tell her. He’d learned to paint, alone in his remote crofter’s cottage. Amateurish, true, but every canvas had come alive with her face, her eyes, her smile. And her silky hair the bright color of sunshine. He’d painted the true her, letting the images serve as a reminder of the short time in his life when he’d been the happiest.
He’d loved her more than he’d ever loved anything, before and since.
But she knew none of this and never would. He forced his own face into a nonchalant expression. “Give me five minutes in the bathroom and I’ll be ready, too.”
When she didn’t answer, he hobbled to the bathroom door, feeling like a lovesick fool.
The area around the bus station smelled of diesel. They parked two blocks away and Natalie got out. She walked on the opposite side of the street while Sean parked since he couldn’t walk. Pretending only a cursory look at Sean, Natalie gave him a quick nod as he went in, limping in his cast. Natalie waited, counted to ten, then crossed the street with a crowd, her bulky sweater and sturdy boots nondescript, her dark-red hair making her blend in with everyone else. She kept one hand in her pocket, where she’d stuck her pistol. Just in case.
While Sean was inside the bus station, Natalie remained outside, scanning the inevitable group of vagrants and panhandlers hanging around the front. Assassins could easily hide among them, and no one would notice. Well—she wrinkled her nose—except for the smell.
She kept her back to the brick as a safety precaution. Casually, pretending to be taking in the scenery, she watched people hurrying past. In reality she was searching for anything or anyone the slightest bit out of place. She felt horribly exposed. A shooter could appear from any direction, under the cover of the crowd and the noise, and begin firing. Innocent people would be hurt.
She breathed a sigh of relief when, a few minutes later, Sean emerged, carrying a large black duffel bag. He hobbled down the street without even glancing at her.
Again, Natalie counted to ten and then sauntered off as though she wasn’t following him or even heading any place in particular. She stopped to peer in shop windows and lifted her chin to breathe in the scent of fresh-made scones from a bakery. Just an everyday citizen, out for a stroll on a chilly autumn day.
No one shot at her. Must be her lucky day.
When she reached the car, Sean already had it running. Slipping into the passenger seat, she secured her seat belt and locked her door as they took off. He drove slowly, not wanting to attract attention.
“Corbett came through. Though I wasn’t able to spend much time checking out the contents of the bag, Corbett’s pretty thorough. I’m sure we’ve got what we need. Money, weapons, food.”
“Don’t forget my computer.” Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes.
“Our computer.”
Opening her eyes and staring at him, she crossed her arms. “What do you mean? Corbett wants me to work on deciphering some code.”
“You aren’t the only one he’s asked to do something.” He grimaced. “I may not be an active employee, but Corbett Lazlo is still the best in the business. When he suggests I do something, I tend to listen.”
She sighed. “All right, I’ll ask since you apparently aren’t going to volunteer. What are you going to do with the laptop?”
“Corbett wants me to try to hack into the SIS system.”
This destroyed any sense of relaxation she might have harbored. Appalled, she shook her head. “It’s impossible.”
“So they tell you. But it has been done and I’m pretty good. I’ve had two years of nothing but practice.”
“Pretty good?” She snorted. “Hackers have been trying for years. Whatever kind of firewall SIS has in place is top-notch.”
With a grin, he shrugged. “I’m not trying to get into the supersecured area, just far enough to wreak a little havoc. All I can do is try.”
“True. Say you do succeed. What then?”
“Corbett thinks we should set a trap. It’s highly likely the mole’s still got people there.” Steering around a sharp curve, he shot her a look. “What about you? What’s this code Corbett wants you to crack?”
Reaching into her backpack, she withdrew a small plastic case. “Corbett wants me to compare his code to this one.”
She opened the case to show him the tiny flash drive. “It’s the code I was working on at headquarters, the one I’d brought home with me the night my team was slaughtered. As you probably know, we’re forbidden to take anything out of the lab. So no one at SIS knows I have it.”
“That’s not like you. Or,” he amended, “at least not the way I remember you. That’s a safety precaution.”
“Yes, but not following that particular rule just might save my life if I can finish decoding this. Someone sent assassins to kill us all. And to destroy the code.”
Traffic had slowed, the car was inching along in a line of others. “It was my time off. I decided to take a spontaneous trip to Glasgow. I saw no need to explain my whereabouts. So the assassins didn’t know where to find me.”
“You’ve changed.”
The blunt assessment should have wounded her. Once, maybe. Not now. “I know. But after you … died, I decided I no longer wanted to color inside the lines.” She shot him a grin, her best imitation of his own cocky one. “It worked. My success rate went way up. I’ve been promoted twice, most recently to team leader. So, if I’ve changed, I think it’s for the better.”
He went silent, considering. To her disgust she found herself hoping he’d agree.
Instead, he asked another question. “How do you know they even looked for you?”
“They destroyed my flat. I’d taken the code with me, so I don’t think they’re aware I have it.”
One corner of Sean’s mouth quirked up in a half smile. “I’m glad they didn’t get you.”
“Yeah. That way you didn’t have to fake your death for nothing.” Bitterness again leaked through her voice. While she wished she could have sounded impersonal, she couldn’t help it. This was Sean. He should understand how she felt.
Once, he would have. Back when they’d allowed emotion and hot, wild sex to be the basis for their marriage. She hadn’t even known she’d wanted more, until now.
He took her hand, covering it with his. Staring down at their intertwined fingers, she tried to regain her equilibrium. She’d always loved his hands—masculine and callused. The roughness of his skin gave her a sense of protection, or had, once.
Now, his touch only made her hurt and angry.
She pulled her hand away and took a deep breath. “Are you sure Corbett was able to send us a laptop?”
“Yep.” He jerked his thumb toward the duffel bag in the backseat. “The laptop’s in there—I checked.”
“What about an Internet connection?” Keeping focused on business would be the only thing that could keep her from crying.
Sean seemed to understand. “Corbett said it would have wireless. All I have to do is find a hot spot, and I can work.”
Of course he’d go first. His job involved a bait-and-wait situation, while hers would be time-consuming and tricky.
Not to mention the fact that deciphering code required intense concentration. She found it far too difficult to concentrate with him around.
Still, she hadn’t gotten to be a team leader without understanding how to work well on a team.
“While you’re trying to hack into my employer’s database, what should I do?”
The grateful look he sent her wasn’t lost on her. She was astonished to realize he’d thought she would argue.
“Play lookout, of course. Stop the bad guys before they get to me. Once I get inside the system, I can’t be interrupted.”
He spoke like it was a done deal. “Pretty confident, aren’t you?”
“I told you, I’m pretty good.” He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Let’s just say I’ve perfected my computer skills over the last two years.”
Like an arrow straight to her heart. Another reminder that he’d lived an entire life without her, while she’d dedicated herself to her job and had barely lived at all.
Correction, she thought grimly. She’d learned to live for her work and nothing else.
A honking horn brought her out of her reverie.
“Do you think there’s been an accident?”
He checked his watch. “No. Just normal rush-hour traffic. Help me look for a hot spot or a place that advertises an Internet connection.”
“There.” She pointed. Someone had converted an old church into a trendy coffee shop. Sean swung out of the traffic and into a small lot across the street from the stone building. He found a spot and parked, leaving the engine idling while he leaned over the seat and rummaged in the duffel bag.
“Here we go.” He pulled out a smallish laptop. “State-of-the-art. That’s good.”
Her fingers itched to examine the machine, but she wisely held her tongue. “Good luck. What kind of time are you going to get once you’re in?”
“Pretty confident of my abilities, aren’t you?”
Throwing her own words right back at her. She couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe your self-assurance is contagious. How about an answer? Once you get into the SIS system, what then? What kind of a trap?”
“I’ll figure that out once I’m in the system. Until I see what’s involved, I have no idea.” He got out of the car. “Wait here.”
As he’d no doubt known she would, she bristled. “I’d rather go in.”
“You’d be a better lookout in the car.”
“And you’d be trapped inside, alone. A sitting duck.”
“Better one than both of us.”
She pushed open her door. “Don’t start that.”
“Start what?”
“Trying to protect me.”
He glared at her as she brushed past him. “I don’t like this,” he growled, catching up and taking her arm.
Shaking free, she gave him her sweetest, most fake, smile. “Then why don’t we both just sit in the car? You’d have more privacy.”
“And we’d also be a helluva lot more noticeable.” He held open the café’s door for her to pass through. “Plus, I happen to have a craving for a strong cup of coffee.”
The robust aroma inside tickled her nose. She licked her lips. She’d always loved the scent of fresh coffee. “I could go for a café mocha.”
He flashed her the grin that had always made her knees go weak. “I’ll buy you one when I’ve finished.”
“I’ll buy my own, thank you.”
He shot her a look full of amusement. “Then buy me one, too, sweetheart.”
She bit her tongue to keep from telling him not to call her sweetheart. No doubt he knew and was doing it deliberately to bait her. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of rising to the bait.
Stalking to the counter, she ordered two large mochas. Sean claimed a table near the front, taking a seat with his back to the wall, protecting his computer screen from curious eyes as well as enabling him to watch the door. Exactly where she would have sat, had she been the one working on the laptop.
Once the drinks were ready, she carried them to the table and read the newspaper while he worked. She pretended to be intent on the articles, but continually scanned the door and watched out the window for anything out of the ordinary.
“Bingo,” he said softly. Barely twenty minutes had passed. “I’m in.”
“No way.”
With a quick glance at her over the top of the screen, he grinned. “I told you I was good.”
Pretending to scan her newspaper, pretending her heart hadn’t skipped a beat at the pure masculinity of his grin, she lazily turned a page before peering at him. “Now you set a trap. In code?”
“In code,” he confirmed. “Once it’s set, all we can do is wait.”
“Good.” Folding the paper neatly, she placed it on the table and took a long drink of her coffee. “I can’t wait to get started on my work.”
“Not here.”
“Of course not.” But his words made her want to snatch the computer away from him and start working immediately.
Natalie sighed. She had to do something about this crazy urge to do the exact opposite of everything Sean said. Not only was it childish, it wasn’t safe for either of them.
She drew a deep breath. She also needed to do something about this sexual tension. Constant arousal and unrequited need didn’t do much for a girl’s mood.
If only she could stop wanting him.
She almost laughed. Almost. She knew all she had to do was initiate lovemaking and Sean would do the rest. Such a solution might help one problem, but would only exacerbate another.
Making love would only pretend to strengthen ties that had become nearly nonexistent. And her feelings for her husband were about much more than lust and desire.