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“You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I know, but I didn’t realize it was that long until I came home. Lizzy was quick to point that out to me.”
“Not your father?”
Sean’s laughter floated to her. She looked toward her son in the middle of a pen with six puppies crawling all over him. “No, my relationship with my father has been strained for years.” She wasn’t sure why she told Joshua that, but for some reason it felt right to confide in him, which surprised her, but he was easy to talk to and she suspected he didn’t judge a person.
“You returned home when he needed you the most.”
She paused a few yards from Sean so he wouldn’t hear her reply. “I’m not sure my father needs me right now. He is trying to continue doing everything himself even though he is supposed to be resting and learning to take life a little easier.”
“Like the fire?”
“I finally convinced him to let me take care of stabling the mares. But I don’t think he rested much. He had all the book work done when I returned to the office later. But I guess sitting at a desk is better than running around the farm.”
“Sometimes it’s hard for a person to accept help or to even ask for it.”
“That definitely describes my father.”
“My father could be stubborn at times, but…” His voice faded into silence as he glanced away.
“But what?”
“I’d trade anything to have those times back. I miss our…lively discussions.”
“It sounds like you had a good relationship with your father.”
His intense gaze swung back to her. “It wasn’t perfect, but yes, we had a good relationship.”
How could she tell Joshua that she would give anything to have a good relationship with her father? How could she tell him that her father had been disappointed she wasn’t a male and that she was an only child? She would never forget the time she’d overheard her parents arguing and her mother shouting at her father that she was glad they hadn’t had any more children. He didn’t deserve to have the son he’d always wanted, that he would have to settle for passing his farm on to a daughter. She’d run from the house and hidden in the loft of the barn, crying until there were no tears left inside. Her mother’s words had explained a lot to her—her father’s demands to be perfect, her father’s coldness and distance. But still, it hurt to this day.
Joshua’s expression softened. Darcy closed her eyes, afraid the anguish she experienced every time she remembered that day was evident in them. His finger brushed across her cheek.
“You’re crying.” He captured her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “Some say I’m a good listener.”
Through a sheen she viewed the tenderness in his expression and wanted to go into the comfort she knew she would find in his arms. With a supreme effort she held herself back, because that wasn’t her. She’d already told Joshua more than she shared with others. She attempted a smile that wavered about the corners of her mouth, then vanished.
“I think the trauma of the fire is finally catching up with me.”
His gaze ensnared hers as though he were delving into her mind to read her deepest thoughts, those she kept hidden from the world.
“I know we don’t know each other well,” he said, “but if I—”
“Mom! Joshua! Aren’t you coming?”
Darcy blinked, tugged her hand from Joshua’s and started for her son. Joshua’s gaze bore into her back and her steps quickened. She had been so close to telling him about her childhood—and that frightened her. She hadn’t even told her husband how hard it had been growing up with warring parents and a mother who— She wouldn’t think about the past. Hadn’t she learned that reliving it only brought her pain?
This time when she smiled, it stayed in place. She’d become good at putting up a front for her son’s sake. She entered the pen and kneeled next to Sean. “Have you decided on one yet?”
“I can’t decide between this one—” he held up a male black Lab “—or this one.” Scooping up the puppy into his lap, he showed her a smaller female with a lighter mark on its brow. “I think she’s the runt. Which one do you like the most?”
“Son, it’s your choice.”
“Yeah, but what if I choose wrong?”
That innocent question brought a lump to her throat. She’d made some wrong choices that she wished she could do over, but life wasn’t like that. She swallowed and replied, “Making mistakes is how we learn, but I don’t think you can go wrong picking between these two adorable puppies.”
The female nudged Sean’s hand while the male licked him, then began gnawing on his finger. “Joshua, what do you think?”
Joshua chuckled. “I agree with your mother. It’s your call.”
Her son then turned his attention to Ned, who shook his head and said, “No, partner, you’re on your own.”
Sean’s face brightened. “Mom, how about taking both? I have some money saved. I could buy the other one.”
“I think, Sweetie, for your first pet we should stick to having only one.” Darcy straightened, aware of Joshua standing right behind her. She always seemed to know where he was in relation to her. That shook her. “You don’t have to make up your mind right this minute.”
“No, why don’t you play with them for a while? I have some iced tea up at the house. We’ll be sitting on the porch when you’re ready.” Ned headed out of the barn.
Darcy backed away. She watched her son bury his face in the fur of first the female, then the male. She thought about the small yard they had in Panama City and knew one big dog was all they could handle.
“It’s tough making that kind of decision,” Joshua murmured as they walked from the barn.
“If the dogs were going to be smaller, we might be able to have two.” She peered back once more to see Sean lying on the ground with both puppies on his chest. He was talking to them.
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